Cerberus

MIGHT: 4/5

RARITY : 4/5

Written by TypewriterError

Dear Luna,

Thank you for agreeing to take care of Winston for me while I’m out of Canterlot for a few weeks. I know I told you the instructions last night however I would like to remind you again in case you forget.

First, when walking Winston please use the new heavy-duty chain leash that is still in the Cohlts bag. If they don’t like the Rhinestones then be sure to make it a short walk and give the leash to Photo Finish when you’re done with it but ONLY if they don’t like it. It was the strongest leash I could find in the pet section since we don’t want a repeat of that Ponyville incident awhile back.

Second, the food should be brought down to Winston’s dungeon at nine in the morning, noon, afternoon snack at three, dinner promptly at six and evening snack at nine. Please hurl all meals into the cage at full force to make sure Winston is completely awake. If only one of his heads is awake, shoot the other heads with a stinging spell until they all wake up. If only one head eats Winston will start fighting himself and get indigestion and that throws his whole mood off.

If he gets indigestion his stomach medicine is in the jar at the bottom of the dungeon stairs next to his eyedrops and under his Foalbergé egg music box. If you think of it please take the music box back up to my bedroom. I think it makes him feel silly.

Thirdly, make sure he gets a bath on Wednesday. At one in the afternoon the assigned guards will come to the second farthest east bathroom on the fourth floor between the statues of the Sphinx and the Minotaur (unless they’ve been stolen again) and will assist you in stunning Winston and spraying him down before he wakes up. After that, pull the lever next to the mirror to dump him back into his cage. This is also the emergency switch for if he wakes up while the guards are spraying him off. Your job is to stand at that switch.

As for his sanitary needs: Once every hour or so I pull the bell pull next to my blue dresser. that automatically sends a stream of water to clean any debris from the dungeon floor. I don’t know where everything is pushed to  but if nopony has complained in the past couple centuries they are certainly not going to start now!

For playtime things get complicated. Each head has a separate assigned playtime and personality. At 10 AM you are to stun the right and middle head to discuss philosophy with the left head. I suggest you read up on Starswirl the Bearded’s theories of Time in its relation to pastries and transportation. He’s usually very adamant about his point of view but doesn’t appreciate it when he has to do most of the talking. It gives him nothing to argue against, which makes him grouchy.

At 1 PM you are to take all three heads outside to the labyrinth to wander around. I’ve been trying to teach them teamwork recently and their development is slow but shows hope if they are actually chasing somepony. You may go ahead and have them chase you but only allow the Royal Pagasi Force to be alternative targets. They need to be able to get out of reach with speed and altitude not just magic and speed or just speed. If the heads start fighting each other again, stun them and have the guards carry him back. They should know what to do by now.

At 4 PM please wake the middle head up after making sure you have stunned the other heads. He is currently working on a portrait of me. I tell you this so you can identify what he’s trying to paint and praise him on how real it looks. Don’t tell him it looks nothing like me. He’d be crushed. He will mostly stick to his canvas but if he does begin to paint the walls or ceiling let him go ahead. That dungeon needs some cheer anyway. However, under no circumstances allow him to paint his other heads or you. He will beat you senseless with the paintbrush and the paint will stain you for weeks. I’ve tried other options but unfortunately offering any other medium outside of paint caused him to throw a temper tantrum which resulted in me being hit by his paint brush. If you do get hit by the brush I would not suggest trying to magically remove the paint... it will take your coat and mane with it and leave you slightly shiverish.

Under no circumstances are you to wake the right head up to be by itself at any time. Trust me on this.

FInally, putting it to bed. Promptly at 9:30 PM I do not want you to stun them again and call it a night. Winston will receive no rest from that. It is important you follow this method to the letter. First, let him know you are about to lure him to sleep. He hates surprises. Then, get the blanket from the massive trunk next to the tub of medication (It’s for you. just take one when you need it.) and levitate it through the dungeon bars to him. They won’t accept anything from the guards anymore and none of the guards are willing to tell me why but they seem rather embarrassed about it and won’t offer any explanation no matter what I do. Winston knows how to put the blanket on himself and will lie down while you read through 1,001 Tails or whatever strikes you as a good bedtime story.

Once the story is over there are to be no more stories until the next night NO MATTER WHAT! Finally, stifle the torches and don’t listen to the left head when he claims he’s scared of the dark. He wants to keep discussing philosophy. However, if he starts bawling then sing the lullaby to him that Mother use to sing to us: the one about the filly falling out of a tree. It gets him thinking about Platonic theory and that puts him to sleep almost instantly.

Remember, Luna. This is our pet now that you’re back home. I should have told you of him sooner but I wasn’t sure how to break it to you. He’s a loveable creature that required a lot of care and patience. But please, enjoy him and his companionship. Just remember not to do anything stupid because he’ll probably try to kill you or raze the castle.

Thank you again!

Your sister,

Celestia

P.S. I am NOT kidding about there being no play time for the right head! Do not let anypony else tell you otherwise!