Nopony back at the house wanted to sleep while our friends were out there. So we laid around the living room and watched more ponies to pass the time. We could measure out the passing time that way. “Team Bluestreak” did their part and called more or less every three episodes. The pacing was more slow-going than Comet had planned. The natural terrain wasn’t difficult but every fence they encountered meant awkwardly going over and trespassing or going around and taking even longer. I was having trouble keeping my eyes open, mostly only being awake from the phone calls. Ruby had passed out laying against me and I laid still and quiet so as to not wake her.

The fourth call came shy of the fourth hour they were gone. It interrupted a scene of Applejack escaping her friends on stagecoach. Carrot put her phone back onto speaker mode so I could listen as well.

“There’s nopony here,” Comet spoke up over the sound of a gust of wind. The strength of the wind made me imagine they were out of the woods.

“Are… are you sure?” Carrot asked, sounding desperate.

“It’s all dark inside. We’ve been walking around and knocking but there ain’t no response. Don’t see no cars neither.”

“Be careful,” Carrot reasserted. I looked at the time on the laptop. If someone was home and in hiding they’d probably be asleep right now anyway.

“We’ll be careful...” Comet reassured before he trailed off. “Minnie?”

“I see- on -floor,” came a distant Minuette, the wind cutting her off.

“Minuette says she sees... clothes?” Comet narrated for us.

“Do you think- like they- ?” Minuette said far off again.

“Maybe? You think you can get the lightswitch in there? ...right there, by the door.”

We listened intently to the mumbling between them that followed, blind to what was going on.

“Yup, they totally packed,” Comet’s voice came back. “Bunch of hangers on the bed. They didn’t get run off, they left for somewhere.”

I could see the exhaustion of the night catch up to Carrot Top with the news that she might have sent her friends off on a wild goose chase.

The phone call continued. We could hear the wind as Minuette and Comet Tail apparently stepped around the back of the house again, braving turning the light switches inside on from outside with their magic.

“-we could -garage?” came Minuette over the howling wind.

“I got a better idea,” Comet told us all.

The idea was apparently to gently break in. The back porch had a sliding glass door and after magically removing the bar holding it from sliding and flipping down the simple lever lock they were inside. The garage yielded no cars. They made a thorough search through the house for someone who was there or signs of someone who had been there. There was a slight clatter and the sound on the other end changed a little. When Comet spoke we realized we had been put on speakerphone.

“You know what else is missing here?” Comet said with a tone of revelation. “A mess. Trash can’s half-full. No plastic cups. No pizza boxes. Carrot, you were saying they usually got pretty rowdy with their parties, right?”

Carrot looked back down to her phone from where she was staring off into space. “Um... yeah.” she refound her voice. “They used to be anyway.”

“Could they’ve thrown the party somewhere else?” Comet asked her. Carrot thought about this for several long seconds. Then I saw her large pony eyes grow a little bit larger, likely in revelation.

“Maybe... the creek?” she suggested weakly. “When I used to hang out with them over the summer, back when we were teenagers, their group went down to the creek a lot. They went down there to get away from their families to do, you know, the things teenagers want to do.”

“You thinking they might be there now? Would there be any reason?” Comet asked.

“It’s secluded. The only thing out there was this old hunting cabin they’d steal logs from for their bonfires,” Carrot Top said then slumped. “But… that was a long time ago. That cabin was always all locked up. And it was old even back then. I don’t even know if that cabin’s still out there...”

“Is it near us?”

“It’s practically in Urich. It’d be east from where you are. That part of the creek had a sign near the road that just called it Big Creek.”

There was a long, silent delay while Carrot and I watched the phone and listened to sounds of soft taps and something occasionally scoot across the floor on the other line.

“Alright,” Comet spoke up after he was done. The edge of weariness from Carrot Top started to infect his voice. “That’s… a three hour walk from here. Then we’ll just have to find the cabin.”

“If the cabin is still there,” Carrot Top reminded us, defeated. “You two should just come back. If you hurry you might make it back before sunrise. Most people around here are pretty early risers so twilight’s going to be pretty dangerous as is."

I heard a horse-like snort on the other end of the line then a sigh.

“I guess so...” Minuette said, sounding disappointed.

“Minnie, I'm sorry," Comet said with a sigh. "We should of tried the car."

"It's fine! It’s been fun. Scary, but fun! You were probably right about us driving anyway."

"Right. ...and that's why I'm thinking we call Chad now.”

“...why?"

“I didn’t realize how big of a gamble we took coming here. This was crazy. We can’t be taking these risks. It’ll be a close call walking back. And if we try this again tomorrow night, even knowing where we’re going, we’d barely hit that cabin by sunrise. ”

“We could practice driving together tomorrow then! I bet we can get the hang of it.”

“Maybe. But we don't know how long they'll be there. If they are there. We could just call Chad today and figure out for sure. He'd want to help us, right?”

The silence was long enough Carrot checked her phone was still on speaker. Minuette spoke up quietly.

“...what if he doesn’t pick up?”

There were a few hoof steps on tile and some fabric rustling.

“Now why would he do that?” Comet spoke softly. “You’re one of a kind, Minnie: a unicorn even.”

Carrot and I looked at each other and gave each other a tired smile at the pun. We heard Minuette speak up, with more mirth back in her voice.

“...I can’t be one of a kind,” she said then paused. “There’s at least three unicorns in this world, you know?” She snickered. I heard a slightly deeper chuckle on the other end.

“My mistake. I’m not a math teacher.”

Minnie decided to call Chad on her phone. It was late by some people’s definitions. For others, it was early. The first call went to voicemail. Undaunted, she hung up and called again. The second time it was picked up and I heard Minuette on the other end of our call greet someone who might as well have been static to us.

“...I’m okay,” she answered someone. “We need some help. Can you come get us? … ...I know. No, we’re okay, really. ...sorry. No, not at the farm.... Comet Tail and I...”

Carrot and I listened intently, trying to piece together what was going on with one half of the conversation. There were a lot of affirmations, a few negations and their address given.

“...right. ...yeah, we’re safe! … ...okay. After you get your beauty sleep then. ...good night, stud!”

I heard a giggle and an electronic bleep on the other end.

“Tomorrow?” Comet asked now that she was off the phone.

“He’s too tired right now but he says he’ll come help us before he goes into work. So we’ll just stay put until then!”

“Alright then, get some sleep and stay away from the windows,” Carrot ordered her scouting party.

With nothing more happening until the morning we said our goodbyes, asked them to stay safe and disconnected the call. By now our sleepy little unicorn was stirring from all the talking. I nudged her a bit more awake, enough for her to clamber onto my back and wrap her hooves around my neck for support so that I could carry her to bed. Carrot Top and I slept with Ruby tucked between us. We had plenty of room in the now emptier bed, but all slept in close contact.

I had a vivid dream that night. Full of distorted fragments of memories that at one point I thought about far too much. They were coming back to me now though, sharp and clear but strangely off.

I was trying to scrub the black paint off of the van I drove to school, Dad’s van, before he got home. His white truck pulled up though. I never really had a chance. He caught me, sponge in hoof, trying to wash the words off. I hadn’t done a good job. The paint didn’t want to come off. It bled but the paint closest to the van’s surface had already dried.

“What the fuck is this??” he said gesturing to the side of the van with the word “FAGGOT” sprayed across the side. I sighed and dropped the sponge into the bucket of hot, blackened soapy water. I got back onto all four hooves to approach him.

“Some assholes at school did it,” I said. I didn’t want to look him in the eyes so I looked at the thirty stone pack of Keystone Light in his grip instead.

“God fuck!” he roared. “Do you know which little shit did this?!” I quietly shook my head. “Come on, fucking think, who’s out to get you? Who’s calling you this kind of shit?” he said gesturing to the van. “Were they doing this to a bunch of cars?”

“No, no… just mine,” I said and sighed. I went back to the bucket of water and sat down on my haunches. “You think paint thinner would get it off?” I looked up at the slur. Dad had sat his pack of beer on top of the van and walked around to check the other side.

“Oh god fucking dammit,” he swore again and kicked the tire when he saw “BITCH” across the other side. He took his phone out and took pictures of one side, walked around the front and then walked back to the first side and took a photo of it. Satisfied with his inspection he finally answered me.

“Yeah...” he growled and scratched at his beard. “Thinner might do it.” He reorientated himself towards me. “What’s this about though? Are people bullying you?”

“No, not me,” I admitted. “Comet Tail.”

“Who?”

“My friend. When I go watch the track team? I’m going to support him.”

“...why?”

“I don’t know…” I claimed. “I guess... because with all the shit he puts up with, I wanted him to know he had a friend there. I didn’t want him to quit something he liked.”

Besides the heavy breathing Dad was quiet for a bit as he contemplated this.

“So… is Comet Tail gay?”

“Yeah,” I admitted. There was a short silence before he continued.

“Is this shit on his car too?”

“He doesn’t have a car. I... usually give him a ride to school and back,” I admitted. “It’s on the way,” I defended preemptively.

A long sigh escaped my dad as he glared down at me. I tried to cast my glance away and hid behind my bangs. I was overdue for a manecut, but a lot of people had long hair at school so I didn’t bother.

“‘the bus too good for him?”

“He gets harassed on the bus too,” I explained. And I couldn’t ride the bus with him, I had to take Ruby in the van because it had the ramp.

He stepped over to me and then around me. “...alright, let’s try lacquer thinner,” he said as he tore open the cardboard pack of beer cans. He tossed me one that I barely caught off-guard with fumbling hooves. He opened one for himself as he walked into the garage and began looking through the pile of shelves for what he was looking for. “Got to put up with all their god damn fucking bullshit and I come home to this fucking shit...” he muttered in a stacatto of swears before he downed a good portion of his can.

It was a careful process and clearly not what he wanted to do, but the lacquer thinner was doing its job. We did a letter at a time, going slow as to catch it when it started to take off the van’s paint. After getting a few beers in he started to relax a bit more and talk. I washed the lacquer off with soap and water and he followed it quickly after with a drying rag.

“So… why’s your friend gay?” he asked the badly phrased question.

“I think he was just born that way,” I answered it anyway. He thumped me on the back of the head.

“You fucking know what I mean,” he snarled drunkenly. I did know. He wasn’t asking why he was gay, he was asking why I was friends with him.

“We’ve been friends for years. I didn’t know when we started hanging out,” I justified myself.

“You can usually tell,” he said with a chuckle. I frowned but just continued.

“He came out to another friend a while ago. Someone he had a crush on I think.” I didn’t think, I knew. I asked Comet Tail when I started hearing the rumors and he explained what had happened. “The friend wasn’t gay. And he didn’t keep Comet Tail being gay a secret.”

“It wasn’t you was it?” Dad asked, his thoughts clearly swimming in light beer.

“What? No.”

“Why’re they teasing you with this shit then? Vandalizing the van? Are you hanging out with him too much?”

“It’s because I stood up for him. They were... harassing him,” I explained curtly. “Some of them didn’t even want Comet looking at them anymore. Like they were afraid he was checking them. You remember that fight I got into?” I gestured to my left eye that was all healed up. ”That was because they were ganging up on him in the hallway.”

Dad nodded in recollection about what he had been told about the fight. He couldn’t forget, Mom had been ranting all month about me ending up in detention again. There was a zero tolerance policy in school which meant everyone involved was guilty. In hindsight, if I hadn’t stepped in, Comet Tail might have been kicked off the track team for “fighting”. If I didn’t think those guys were idiots I would have thought that was their plan.

“I’m proud of you…” he began. “...but keep your other friends, alright? Stand up for your friends but... this ain’t your fight, alright? If you’re spending too much time with him they’re gonna think…” he trailed off. “...not that there’s anything wrong with that, but...”

He distracted himself by opening another beer.

“What?” I asked, a little confused by his point.

“I’m just saying, you don’t want people thinking you’re gay too, you know?”

“I guess not,” I agreed.

“...you’re not gay, are you?”

“What? No!” I said, shocked at the question coming from my dad. I felt betrayed: Dad was supposed to know me better than that. “He’s just my friend!”

“That’s fine. Just keep your other friends too,” he repeated. “Who else are you still hanging out with? You still got that girlfriend? The weird pony girl?” I nodded, knowing he’s talking about Minuette with all of her My Little Pony shirts. “How’s she feel about you hanging out with the gay kid?” I was going to remind him that his name was Comet Tail but decided against it.

“She’s friends with him too,” I explained. He snickered a little.

“Does he like the ponies too?”

“Yeah, they all talk about that,” I admitted, including Ruby into that bunch. I wasn’t really into cartoons. I didn’t want to hear shit from Mom or Dad about it.

“Are you serious with your girlfriend?” He asked.

“I guess? ...not really,” I admitted. “We kiss? And… stuff?” I didn’t want to go into that with Dad.

“Are you sure you like her?” he asked. I looked up at him from the big ‘T’ we were washing off.

“What are you asking?”

“I’m just saying, I know she and Ruby are really close... seems like she comes over to talk to Ruby as much as you. They both like those ponies... are you just dating to say you’re dating a girl?”

“Dad, what the hell. I’m not gay!” I said exasperated.

“Right, right. And there’d be nothing wrong with that even if you were anyway, you know that, right? But spend some more time with some guy friends, alright? Just… keep things balanced.”

“Comet Tail’s a guy,” I pointed out.

“Other than him,” he quickly amended. I dismissed it by nodding and sipping from my beer. We stayed quiet while we finished the first side. After that was all done Dad left me another beer and headed inside to ‘sit down’ with the rest of them. I was to finish the rest alone.

It was slow going but I trusted in the process we came up with. The slurs were indeed coming off with it, but despite how carefully we removed them, the paint on the van was never going to be the same.

As I was getting close to done, just finishing up the ‘H’, I heard yelling and something heavy and wooden get thrown over inside the house, which just incited more yelling. I heard the front door open and the yelling suddenly got tuned down to loud, angry talking instead.

“-do whatever the fuck I fucking please! If I want to fucking break this whole goddamn fucking house I fucking will!” Dad swore, stacking the swears wherever they would go. I heard Dad stumble away from the front door, keys jingling in his hands.

“Don’t you fucking come back! All I fucking ask is you support this family!” Mom shouted after him.

“Fucking bitch,” Dad swore quieter, then spotted me. “It’s my fucking house... I’ll kick her fucking out…” he growled. He staggered to the side a bit to get a better look at where I was on the paint removal. “You did good,” he said with a slur as he slapped me hard on the back. “Come on, you’re driving.”

Dad tossed his key at me and headed for his truck. Wordlessly I stopped what I was doing. I picked up the keys in my teeth and followed.

As I approached that white truck and walked around it all I could see was the last time I saw it, when it was scrap they pulled off that telephone pole. But it was here now and it looked fine. Was this a…

I was driving a truck and Dad was in the passenger seat now. Somehow I could work the pedals and the wheel just fine with my hooves. Before I thought too closely about it Dad said something.

“Ya know where we’re goin’,” he slurred. “No pickin’ up any gay friends on the way, alright?” he chuckled to himself as he fumbled to pat me on the head. I bit my lip. I did know where we’re going: to the store. I knew what we were buying too.

“Yeah,” I agreed. After a moment I took the courage to speak up. Maybe he would listen to me? “Dad… did you ever think, maybe, you have a drinking problem?”

Dad was quiet for a bit then let out a badly paced chuckle. “No,” he said. “I don’t have a fucking drinking problem: I love drinking. I have a life problem. I have to put up with those cunts at work. Then I have to come home and put up with that cunt.” He gestured backwards, to where we came from. “...Always wanting shit... always needing shit. People just fucking take. Your sister is a fucking money black hole, you know that? Always needing art supplies and shit... Always needing doctor visits... that fucking van…” Dad lost track of where he was going for a moment then somehow stumbled back onto his train of thought again in his stupor. “Everything’s fucked. Even you two. I got two kids and neither are getting married... a fucking cripple and a fag...”

I looked away from the road at him. The anger inside of me was trying to come out of everywhere and I felt like I had to pick one.

“Don’t you dare call her a fucking cripple!”

“You watch the fucking road!” he smacked me back forward. I was so shaken from the smack I saw my hands again. We weren’t on the right road anymore. I looked down at the radio to check the time. I noticed from the dash we weren’t in Dad’s truck, we were in mine.

I looked up just in time to see the traffic sign come into view and disappear as the truck smashed through it and then into the dividing wall at full speed. I didn’t tense up. I relaxed and let it happen. A world of glass and metal crinkled and shattered around me as the world came rushing to an end. I closed my eyes. I was nearly cut in half from the seatbelt and felt something punch me in the muzzle. I went limp.

When I came to, I was shaking. There were bright lights and people talking to me. Someone helped me walk somewhere on my hind legs. I looked back at the truck, but it wasn’t my truck anymore. I saw Dad’s truck, wrecked and where he put it, wrapped around a pole, just as I remembered in the photo.

That wasn’t how that conversation ended though. We got to the store and he didn’t wreck his truck until later that week all by himself.

I remembered what I did after he died.

I marched into school ahead of Ruby and as soon as I saw Comet Tail I decked him across the muzzle as hard as I could.

“Dad thought I was a faggot!” I yelled at the stunned stallion lying on the floor. “He died thinking I-I was like you!”

“Comet!” Minuette, who had just been talking to him, shouted then looked up at me. “Berry! Why would you do that?” She tried to approach me and I pushed her away. “Don’t talk to me. Either of you! Especially you!” I pointed a hoof at the stallion sprawled on the ground.

I skipped school the rest of that day and only reluctantly went the next day because I wanted something else to think about. Comet Tail and the rest of them left me alone like I wanted that week, but the weekend came soon enough and I found myself alone with my thoughts again in my room.

...he was a terrible human being but for some reason I still cared for him. I thought there was still some decency and heart under all that vitriol and vinegar. He had shown it to me at times, when we were alone, in his own way. And because of that, despite reasoning, I still wanted his approval. But now, I wouldn’t ever get that. I thought he understood me and I thought I was starting to understand him. But we didn’t. And now he was gone and that was all our relationship would be.

There was a soft knock on my bedroom door. I recapped the jar of moonshine I had been sipping and hid it under the bed with the rest of them: the last batch Dad and I had made in the shed. I knew Mom was going to throw everything out as soon as she could so I took it.

“...yeah?!” I shouted as I ripped the earbuds out of my ears. The bedroom door opened a little and I saw Ruby.

“You got a friend who wants to see you,” she said with a small smile. Those generous, gorgeous green eyes almost took me out of it but I said my line, I said what I had said back then.

“Just tell her to fuck off for me this time, would you? I don’t want to see her,” I said dismissively and rolled back over as if I was going to go to bed.

“It’s not Minuette this time,” Ruby informed me. I turned around just in time to see her wheel her chair backwards with her magic and saw him step inside.

“What the fuck do you want?” I hissed at Comet Tail. I sat up on my bed with some difficulty, my lack of coordination exposing how drunk I was.

“I was wanting to show you something,” he said with a smile on his bruised face. He lifted his telescope up in his magic.

“...your... telescope?” I asked, confused. He let out a short, surprised laugh. The sound was almost hypnotic and then it was gone. Something inside of me woke up from it and it was starving.

“No, no,” he said with a slight chuckle still in his voice. “There’s gonna be a lot of shooting stars tonight. I was gonna go out to my favorite spot… to get away from my parents,” he said, the mirth evaporating a little from his face. “...I was thinking you could use some fresh air too.”

The idea of getting out of this house, out of this town even, felt tantalizing. I didn’t want to be here but I didn’t think it would be better anywhere else.

“I was... I’ll just stay here and get drunk,” I said from the comfy pile on the bed.

“You can bring it with you?” he suggested. “I got my license. I could drive?”

There was that offer again. I did want it. I wanted to get out of here. Far, far away. But of all people, why was he offering it to me?

“...why are you doing this?” I asked him. He shrugged.

“Just… you were there for me. I wanna be there for you,” he stated simply. I felt tears threaten to come out of my eyes. I hadn’t cried in days; I had felt empty. Why could I cry now? I wiped them away with the back of my fetlock before they could come out. It wasn’t fair he was making me feel better.

“I told you to leave me alone. I punched you. I called you a faggot,” I said barely over a whisper.

“And I forgive you, Berry. I know you’re just upset and need time. I think this could help,” he said lifting his telescope again. “You wanna go look at some cool space stuff?”

A wavering smile held back my tears.

“...yeah,” I agreed but I was still confused. I still couldn’t understand why he was being nice to me or why he was forgiving me. I abandoned him when he needed me… and he came to make me feel better. I didn’t deserve this. I had one uncomfortable explanation floating in my mind.

“You’re not going to... try anything, ...right?”

Comet looked confused for a second and then smiled. “No. Of course not. You’re not even my type.”

“Oh,” I stated dumbly. “Good.” I nodded then thought to ask, curious now about my friend and maybe for some reassurance. “ ...what is your type?”

“Heh. Well for a start, they should probably be gay,” he said with a slightly goofy smile. I smiled back at him for that.

Comet Tail and I tried to head out of the house now to go look at stars for the first time together. Going against the script though, Mom was home tonight and despite being portrayed by Carrot Top I somehow knew it was supposed to be her.

“What a happy memory,” she said, sounding just a little off. “It’s almost as if alcohol itself isn’t evil. It just brings things to the surface.” She tilted her head a little and refocused on me. I thought one of her eyes seemed a little underdilated. “You really shouldn’t be beating yourself up over all of this stuff, Barry. There’s no need to feel miserable when there’s a... solution right in front of you.” She gestured in front of me with a hoof.

I looked down. The jars of moonshine I was bringing with us to go see the shooting stars were sitting on the floor in front of me.

“You know, I know where Carrot Top is hiding it,” the Carrot Top in front of me said. I looked up at her, now fully realizing that I was in a dream. “I’ll have her get it out for you.”

I woke up with my mind racing. I pushed myself up onto my haunches and rubbed the crustiness from my eyes. Those were so many memories blended together and coated in ponies. My head felt like a blender.

In the jumbled thoughts I picked one out that stood out to me: Dad. I felt disgust and anger and disappointment and I didn’t know if they were directed at him or myself. I still didn’t know why I cared about him even after I started admitting to myself he wasn’t worth feeling for. He was hardly a dad...

Then again, you’re hardly a mom.

I wasn’t. I was a failure. And yet... Comet Tail forgave me. Minuette forgave me. Everyone forgave me. ...but I didn’t think I deserved it. When they looked at me, they saw someone better than I was. They had hopes for me, hopes that I didn’t live up to. Nathan had hoped for a true friend. Ruby hoped for a mom. ...that old woman- Mom, had hoped for a man who respected her.

But I fell short of all of that.

I saw similarly good things in my dad, a better person than he actually was. When I got older I realized I was mistaken. He was an awful piece of shit and I was too blinded by what I wanted to see to see what was actually there. I didn’t read him right. In time, maybe the people who thought they liked me would realize the same thing about me. They would learn I don’t deserve them.

I swallowed the saliva building in my mouth. I wanted to stop thinking about these things but I couldn’t. My head was too clear and my mouth was too wet. I slipped out of bed. Almost in a daze I walked out of the empty bedroom into the living room. Nopony was around.

Right, Comet Tail and Minuette had left together. They were good friends. They would stay safe… and Chad was going to come pick them up today. Chad was a good man. He just needed time. It was hard to resist the light that came from Minuette. I bet when they saw each other again they would make up.

From the way the light was cast through the windows I knew it was well past sunrise. My precious ruby was probably out harvesting the garden with Carrot Top. Carrot Top was a good pony. She was strong and sharp but a true leader who put everyone else first. She would be a good mom. Ruby deserved a mom like her. Maybe Carrot Top would help me raise her.

Not that I would be able to contribute much. I wasn’t parental material.

Maybe she should just be her mom instead?

Maybe she should be. Carrot Top wakes up and makes breakfast.

With that thought, I headed into the kitchen, thinking I smelled a faint hint of a breakfast I missed. I stopped in the doorway.

Sitting out in the middle of the kitchen floor was a fresh jar of a clear liquid that seemed to catch the light of the sun like a prism. I immediately recognized it and was surprised to see it. I looked around, wondering if Carrot Top was nearby and I just caught her getting it out for me to pour out a ration. But no, no Carrot Top and a whole jar was here.

Did Carrot Top really leave that out for me? Was this her way of showing she trusted me now? I was doing better. I was showing I didn’t need it anymore.

Looking at it, I realized I was just about drooling so I swallowed. I put my tail back down after it had receptively lifted up with a mind of its own.

No, I didn’t need it. But I wanted it. And I didn’t have an alcohol problem. There was no reason for me to beat myself up over this stupid liquid. It didn’t have any power over me unless I gave it that power, right?

I stepped over to it and nudged the jar. It was real. The screw top was a little different from the one I last saw. She probably had quite a few sets of these things. She or someone had scribbled something illegible on top of it. I noticed the Mason jar seemed to be the same brand Dad and I had used.

I sat down on my haunches, placed it between my hind hooves and unscrewed it with my fore hooves. It came loose easily with a nice mind-clearing ‘pop’.

Everything seemed like it was going to be fine now. My friends were going to be fine, even without me. Carrot Top would be fine. Pinchy would be fine. I knew who wouldn’t be fine though. The person who wouldn’t leave my mind. I lifted the jar up.

“...to Dad,” I said with a toast as I took a few long gulps. My senses were smacked and I put the jar down to shake the jitters coming on. It tasted cheap. But that was the problem with moonshine, your batches could come out wildly different if you didn’t have it down to a science. Just impurities.

I steeled my hooves and picked the jar back up. I reasoned if Dad got one then so did I. “...to me.” I made a toast and drank more. I drank a little more greedily than I meant to. I didn’t deserve this but I was going to take it while I had it. Once they realized I didn’t deserve anything I would have to take what I wanted.

I sat the jar back down and felt my stomach threaten to return the alcohol. I held it down and breathed slowly and deeply. My neck was a chimney. My long pony throat was dry.

After a moment I questioned what I was doing; I didn’t even remember why I was drinking now. I looked down at the jar.

You were toasting! Because everything is going to be fine. Even if you go away, everything is going to be fine.

That’s right, I was toasting. Everything was going to be fine. Even if I go away, everything is going to be fine.

In fact, they would probably be better off without me.

I smiled at the jar. The warm, familiar fuzziness replaced the softness of my coat. My face was flushed. I missed this. Why did I go without this? I suffered to avoid this?

Surely you have one more toast in you? For your favorite pony?

I did. I picked up the jar again. “To Pinchy!” I said, catching my balance with my hind legs just barely as I lined the jar up with my mouth and drank again. This one even longer than the last. This one was for Ruby, I had to make it count.

I eventually came up for air.

I fumbled the jar down to the ground and rolled onto the ground next to it. Satisfied, I closed my eyes and curled my legs up to my barrel.

A large hand gently started petting my mane. I didn’t understand why its thick fingers were so short. I didn’t question it though because the petting was slow and rhythmic and I felt myself slipping into relaxation. A voice joined the petting.

“You did a good job, Barry.”

“...Dad?” I asked weakly. It didn’t sound like him, but I had my hopes up. Before I could open my eyes He shushed me.

“Sssh. Sleep. It’ll all be over soon,” He spoke. I closed my opening eyes obediently.

“Is everything... going to be fine?” I asked in a daze. I felt the odd hand stretch and with a razor sharp nail it scratched me behind the ear, sending a tingle down my spine.

A deep chuckle resonated inside my mind.

“That’s right,” He agreed. “Despite a few setbacks, you got so many ponies together and yet divided.”

I didn’t understand but it sounded like praise.

“Are you... proud of me?” I mumbled. It continued to pet me, taking longer sweeps now, all the way down my mane to the crest of my neck. My body felt so relaxed. I was barely clinging to consciousness waiting to hear Him speak again.

“It’ll all be over soon,” He finally answered.

Sleep.

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