You groan as you get out of bed. There had been nothing to motivate you to move ever since his death. You remember the day you had been told that you’re best friend was gone. He was always bullied but he had never told you. He was the happiest person you knew, He could rival pinkie in terms of happiness.

But unbeknownst to you, your beloved brother was dying inside. He was reaching out for help and you had let him suffer in silence. You went to the funeral the other day. His arms were covered in old and fresh scars and his neck still had burn marks from where the rope had burnt his skin.

You had broken down in tears at the funeral. Many of your friends were there to console you but even with there support you couldn’t keep the reality of it from hitting you like a pound of bricks. They had to drag you away from the body as you fell on his chest and grabbed his hand. Repeating that he was kidding and that he wasn’t gone, that he would never leave you like that.

It took ten of them to restain you as you were dragged away from the funeral. When you arrived home you had a box on the bed and his girlfriend was standing there. Her name was applejack. She walked up and slapped you as hard as she could then she began pounding on your chest leaving multiple welts and bruises as she proclaimed that it was your fault he was gone.

Each word she had said cut you worse than any knife could have. When she left you opened the box. What laid there was his prized leather jacket, a picture book he had kept of you two growing up, his knife, a letter, and finally a small box with another note in it. It had a cheek in it. Almost three thousand dollars. The note had said “Live for both of us. Go to college and make me proud”

You couldn’t gather the courage to read the other note as you sobbed. You looked at the book of pictures as the pictures were soaked with the salty tears that came down your face like a waterfall. All the years this book contained had been ended by one stupid mistake. The next day at school someone had insulted him. The scene played back in your head.

As you walk through the halls memories flood back to you. When you had come to this school everyone had liked you but thought that your friend was weird. As you walk by the door to the bathroom you hear a conversation.

“Hey did you hear that that bitch Shooting comet died. Finally did what was best for the world” A boy says.

Before you knew what you were doing you came around the corner and with a sickening crack, you had broken his nose. The only sounds after that were the sounds of heavy breathing and the loud sounds of impact as your hits connect with his face. He was crying when someone called a teacher.

The principal walks in and grabs you. You kick at his arm with your boot and the sound of a bone-cracking can be heard followed by a blood-curdling scream. Your foot kept thrashing out as everyone was taken aback by your violent outburst.

You were always very calm so seeing you send kick after kick into his face was very unsettling. You manage to get loose and send a haymaker into his face before you are shocked by the school police officer.

You were feared by most now except for your close friends. You pushed them away too but they always came back. They only brought more memories of him back to you. You remembered his face and his laugh and the way he had insulted you when you joked. You should’ve realized what had happened.

You and him had never fought before but when he came to your house to talk to you about something you guys had fought. He had accused you of being a bad friend and not helping him when he needed you. You had said some hurtful things to him too. You had started cutting yourself.

You had a stash of razer blades under your bed. The only thing that helped was the pain you received as you felt the razer tear into your skin and bury its deadly edge into you. The pain was a reminder that it was your fault and that you should’ve done more and that you were a horrible person. You loved the sound of your blood dropping on your floor.

The blade of the razers were each stained from multiple uses. You would put salt on your wounds after you had committed the deed. The searing pain you felt was almost too much for you. You had left your girlfriend after what happened. She only made the pain worse since she was his sister.

You had tried to make it work but you could feel she blamed you and she knew that you knew. So when you broke it off he didn’t try to retaliate. That’s when you saw her. An old friend that he had a crush on. No one ever remembered her, but you sure as hell did. Her name was Wallflower and she had always been very close to him until high school. And that’s when she did something you didn’t expect.

She looked straight at you.

The rest of the day was awkward for you because you felt something. It was weird, after all, you had never really liked anyone so the feelings hit you really hard as you felt something good for the first time in two months. By now no one knew you were still messed up about it. Of course, you still wore the jacket he had left you, but no one suspected anything.

The next day you were thinking about him when you ran straight into someone. You both groaned and you looked forward to see an equally embarrassed Wallflower Blush. You look and see a bunch of papers And books. You start picking them up while staying silent.

“Sorry Wallflower.” You say handing her the books. She looks at you startled that you remembered her name. That’s when someone smacks her on the back of her head. “Don’t be so damn clumsy!” He says.

You stand up and grab him and slam him into a locker. You punch the locker beside his head, leaving a dent in the metal. “Apologize to my friend,” You say menacingly. He looks next to him and gets scared. He apologizes to her and leaves.

“Hey, are you okay?” You say helping her up. She is extremely flustered. You reach into your pocket and pull out your phone and give it to her. “Can I have your number?” You say rubbing the back of your head. She’s left speechless but she types it in. She gives you the phone and gathers her stuff.

“Hey, can I see you at sugar cube corner tonight? I’ll pay” You say sheepishly. She nods and runs towards her other class. It’s only then that you realize something. For once, in nearly two months, you are thinking about something other than him.