“Now hold on Spike I wasn't blaming you." Celestia began. Spike eyed her suspiciously, considering the alicorn's words before giving any of his own. "I just said that there shouldn't be any hard feelings between you and the others,”

"No, you didn't. You said they'd forgive me. You forgive someone who has done something wrong... you think I've done something wrong, don't you?"

“You've not done anything wrong on purpose Spike, they'll know that as well as I do now,"

“There it is again,” he spat, silencing the eldest alicorn, “Everything has a clause, doesn't it? But you're right, I didn't do anything wrong on purpose, I didn’t DO anything at all. I sat in a field and made a wish, it was Luna who did this,” he gestured to his body.

“I know Spike, and I’m sorry-” Luna began to apologise, but Celestia interrupted,

“Spike, I don’t appreciate you trying to pin this whole situation on Luna. It was she who granted your wish, it was your friends who made you feel unappreciated, and it was you who made the wish. Everyone had played a part here,” Celestia reprimanded the dragon.

"What?! I 'Made the Wish'? That's your definition of playing a part? How exactly was I supposed to know that somepony was eavesdropping?" Luna opened her mouth, but Spike was far from done. "I make wishes all the time, I wish for more cake and I wish that Rarity would go out with me. But if I get more cake, is that because I made a wish? No! So I don't think I'll be accepting responsibility for somepony else giving me another pony's magic after a different group of ponies made me feel worthless!"

“You took their minds and made them fight in the street Spike, just as Mary changed her father. I know it wasn't intentional but it happened. All I’m saying is that you might want to apologise, regardless of where any sort of blame lies” Celestia tried to appeal to the dragon’s rational side, but it was too late. He was already beginning to back away.

The moon princess once again tried to interject but was beaten by someone faster.

“I can’t believe this, you’re just like them. You never cared how this could affect me, it was always about them. Twilight Sparkle and Elements of Harmony. Equestria’s heroes and nopony else. Who cares about Spike’s issues as long as the six are safe and happy, and being apologised to every minute of every hour a day for things they started?!

You showed me a lot here Princess, but a thousand years ago you showed me more. Like how to work this spell properly, and that my own magic is weaker than Mary's was.” The drake’s wings snapped to their fullest extension and he began prepping for take-off. They pumped steadily, stirring a wind that blustered with a distracting roar. "So correct me if I'm wrong here, but I don't really have the fear of causing a zombie rebellion to stop me from leaving?"

"Spike listen to yourself. Of course we care about you. We took you here to let you learn about the boon so you could make the choice to remove it. You can be the hero right now Spike, all you have to do is let us remove this magic!" The sun princess yelled over the shriek of the wind.

"That's it. That's perfect. It's always what I have to do, isn't it? How I have to remove the boon, how I have to apologise to everypony, how I have to never make a wish, in case a princess is spying on me!" Celestia went to reply, but Luna pushed past her,

“Spike, I know this wasn’t your fault,” Luna cried, “You didn’t do anything except want to be appreciated. I gave you that boon because I felt I owed you... I felt bad for you, I know what it's like to not be appreciated better than most. Please let me return you to normal and I can talk to the others,” Spike clenched his eyes shut and muttered ‘concentrate on the desire’ a few times. He looked up and managed a wry, bitter smile at the moon princess.

“I know you don’t think it’s my fault Luna. But I don't think you're enough.” Celestia began to try and formulate a response, but it was too late.

“I’m not going back to being a baby again. Not if everypony’s just going to look at me like I’m some sort of monster. I had enough of that when I actually did become a monster, princess. Throughout all of this nopony, not once has even considered me, or how somepony else might be in the wrong except her,” Spike pointed to Luna, “And I’ve only met Luna once before this!”

“Spike, I’m sorry-” Celestia began,

“No, don’t. Come and find me when you’re actually sorry Princess. I’ll be among those that I ‘Wronged’,” With that he rose. A few beats from his massive wings propelled him into the air at a dizzying speed.

“Don’t worry Luna,” Celestia said to her very visibly anxious sister, “He’ll come around eventually. It’s not like he can just leave this place without us, he needs the power of an alicorn to get here.” At that precise moment the black smashed around the distant dot that was Spike. It seemed it was lovely day outside if the gorgeous blue sky was any indication. Celestia was silent for a moment,

“How did he do that?”

“It’s a powerful spell Celly,” Luna groaned. The sun princess stared, dumbfounded at the hole.

“So, maybe the we should jab at the biggest nerve on all ‘Threats to Equestria’ hmm?” Luna spat.

“No-one likes a smartarse Luna,” Celestia quipped with narrowed eyes. The two of them stared at the hole for a few minutes before beginning to discuss the situation.

They had a dragon with an immensely powerful boon spell, one that had just received the perfect crash course on how to use his spell and to whom Celestia had said the worst possible thing, just as he was going to get rid of said unbelievable power.

Great. Nice job… no really, great job. Top score. Five out of five. Fantastic.

"Now," Twilight began after teleporting her friends out of the boutique, "I would think that we go an find Pinkie first, she's the least likely to be angry about the fight earlier,"

"Found her," Rarity muttered in response. Twilight stopped rummaging around in her saddlebag and looked at the seamstress. She and Applejack were both intensely staring at something behind Twilight. She turned to see what was so alluring. About twenty meters away, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Pinkie were all standing. Each was giving Twilight and co. that same look of wide-mouthed surprise. They had found each other.

The two unicorns and the earth pony wasted no time in galloping over, and as soon as their targets shook of the shock, they did the same. The six friends were soon to be properly reunited. All past transgressions were forgotten for now. It was just them in this perfect moment.

Applejack grinned, Rainbow laughed merrily at Pinkie’s bouncing, but she didn't allow this to slow her. The pegasus pumped her wings, eager for reconciliation. Twilight was already coming up with ideas for her next letter. Fluttershy was uncharacteristically bold in her galloping, and Rarity didn’t care how much the wind mussed her beloved mane.

So focused were they on the sight of their friends, the six didn’t notice a white shape plummeting from the sky. Spike landed with a thump, straight in the middle of the would-be-huddle. He looked around, noting with mild amusement the coincidence of his chosen landing spot.

As soon as that beautiful dragon had landed in between them, all six elements ceased running to each other and screeched to a halt. There were a few minutes of silence. Each of their ears were twitching at some unheard noise. Spike had heard the scratchy sound of static during the flashback, so he knew exactly why they all tried to cover their ears. He took a moment to look at the position of the sun.

He'd been gone well over two hours.

The elements weren't incapacitated for long. However intense the static had been, it was done with and forgotten in under a minute. Each pony rediscovered their new surroundings with mild interest and confusion, but inevitably all twelve eyes ended upon him. They were bewitched. Spike recalled their expressions as the same ones from before. The same mix of obsessive, psychotic lust.

The scowl he fixed on his face either went unnoticed or uncared about. Each mare still gave him that look, it turned his stomach. Then, one by one, each pony began their irritating love-display.

Rarity swooned and began reciting a Frankenstein's monster of cobbled together romance-story sentiments and Shakespeare quotes. Twilight had nervously began nudging some rocks along the floor with a scarlet blush, while muttering something inaudible. Fluttershy eye's had lit up in an intense, lust-driven stare, whereas Dash had prattled off an embarrassing list of buzz-words and quotes that put everyone in mind of old 'Bop-It!' toy with brain damage. Pinkie, on the other hand, had began shrieking too fast for anyone to interpret her words as anything other than incomprehensible gibberish.

AJ on the other hoof, she'd just been honest. She went to tell this Adonis-like avatar of beauty how exactly she felt, but her sentiments were drowned out by the choral, harpy-like outburst emitted by her friends. That had irritated Applejack, but she had generously let it go. However that didn't change the fact that these ponies could very well ruin her chances with this personification of perfection if she let them.

The dragon, for his part, just sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in a display of completely irritated boredom.

"Now see what y'all have gone and done?!" the farmer exclaimed, drawing several glowers from her fellow elements, "If you'd all a' just shut yer holes and let me speak, he wouldn't be ignoring us right now!"

"Let you speak?" Pinkie spat incredulously, "At least I made an effort. It was all of you silly-billies that underwhelmed him,"

"Oh wow! I'm a silly-billy? Please somepony cover the children's ears, we wouldn't want them learning such terrible language," Fluttershy deadpanned in response,

"Yeah! And how exactly could anyone not notice that stupid foghorn mouth of yours?" Applejack tore into Pinkie again, and in response Pinkie burned bright red.

"You better not be a meanie to me again Applejack, or I'll... erm... I'll,"

"What?" the farmer interrupted, "You're gonna do what exactly? Throw a 'We don't like Applejack party? Hit my in the face with a cake? What are you going to-"

Applejack finally got her answer when Pinkie furiously leapt an impossible distance in under a second. Her right forehoof wrapped around Applejack's throat and lifted the farmer clean off all hooves. Midway through the flip AJ looked into the sky. The sun was setting, creating a gorgeous, kaleidoscopic mix of oranges, yellows and reds.

But unfortunately, as it is wont to do in these sort of situations, that whole 'Painfully slammed face first into the dirt' business began and sky-gazing had to take a reluctant backseat. Pinkie still had a hoof around the other earth pony's neck, and was receiving several very strong hind-leg bucks into her flank for the trouble. Everyone was quiet at first, nopony really knowing how to react to the startling escalation. Eventually though, everyone just sort of found acceptance. They couldn't blame Pinkie for becoming violent, not when the love of this dragon was at stake.

"Well," Rarity began, "That sorted that problem out nicely."

"It sure did," Twilight laughed before adding pleasantly, "Now how about you head on home and let me talk to this bewitching new arrival?" Contrary to how Twilight thought this would play out, her winning smile and the reducing, yet not total removal, of her trademark 'I say I don't think I'm better than you, but you can totally tell I think I am' tone of voice did not sway Rarity. The fashionista merely laughed haughtily and began to walk around the purple unicorn.

Twilight felt a sting of annoyance, and teleported in front of her alabaster-amigo (I'm not removing that phrase).

"Rarity, I would really advise you go on home now," her tone was noticeably more dangerous sounding this time around.

"Twilight," Rarity began, "I don't want to offend you here, but you are pretty much the least threatening individual I have ever met. I have literally heard you be described by ponies as 'Adorkable' without even the slightest pinch of irony. Nopony who has ever been described with that vile word has ever been a threat to anyone, understand? Now you feel free to have a tantrum and snitch on me to the princess in one of your letters I'm sure she doesn't read later, but for now, I'm getting past you." Twilight's jaw hit the floor. Rarity once again began to walk around her.

The librarian finally processed what Rarity had actually said, and it angered her. Her irises emitted a threatening glow, her horn began to flare and all the while her coat prickled with the tell-tale crackle of raw, unadulterated magic. She wheeled around and shouted at her opponent.

"I'd advise you to remember who you're talking to. Unlike someponies, I actually live up to my element," Rarity snorted with laughter and turned around to face Twilight, "Laugh all you want, but I am the emodiment of magical talent. You don't want to know the amount of ways I could stop you being a problem here."

"I do,"

"...What?" Twilight spluttered.

"No seriously dear, I really do. Go on, tell me. How could you dispose of me?"

"How about I freeze the water in your brain? How about I make that mane of yours throttle you, hmm? I could take off those pretty legs of yours one by one-"

"Go on then," Rarity said dismissively.

"...What?" Twilight spluttered yet again.

"You heard me, do it." Nothing happened for the next few seconds, "Twilight, you are the element of magic. I'm not denying you're better at magic than the vast majority of ponies. But you're not god. If we're being realistic here, you are noticeably better than average at levitating small objects and turning something into a slightly different, yet ultimately similar shade of colour to what it was previous. You cannot freeze the water in my brain."

The now-castrated feeling element of magic racked her brains for a reply of intelligence, wit, and of suitable enough coldness to render her opponent speechless with awe. Whether her reply actually possessed any of these traits was debatable at best.

"Yeah, well at least I didn't lie to all my friends and try to avoid coming to my birthday party!" Twilight shrieked in response. The white unicorn burned red, but was quick on the retort.

"Oh grow up! You're over twenty years old, you don't need a birthday party with cake and balloons anyway. Just drink wine and weep at all of your regrets like the rest of us!" Rarity spat

"Maybe you have to do that, I actually have friends,"

"You mean those ones who you literally report on to the head of state? Oh I'm sure they love your company," Rarity snapped

"Well your dresses are pathetic, even Fluttershy could make better ones!" Twilight smirked at Rarity's horrified expression, and then had to recoil from the sharp slap she received. "You... you struck me-"

Slap.

"How dare you?!"

Slap.

"I will not stand for-"

Rarity slapped her again, switching effortlessly to a backhoof.

"STOP HITTING ME!" Twilight yelled in frustration, only to be slapped again. A few yards away, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash had started fighting too. I mean the others were doing it so why the hell not? They swooped and dived in a tense dogfight as Pinkie strangled AJ, and Rarity battered an enraged Twilight.

Rainbow smashed into Fluttershy's side. The two of them were brought to earth in a snarling, tussling ball. The heap rolled along the floor, still carrying the momentum of the flight. Rainbow lurched herself upwards in a motion that simultaneously brought her to her hooves and slung Fluttershy across the ground.

The yellow pegasus was quick to recover however. Within a second of getting an all four legs, she pumped her wings and threw herself at Rainbow. The pegasus crossed the distance with a look of unhinged madness. She was flying faster than she had ever flown; by which I mean only slightly faster than a remarkably unmotivated sloth.

She screeched to her hooves in front of Rainbow, leaving a thoroughly unimpressive snail-trail of dirt behind her, She used the paltry momentum to her advantage and raised her right forehoof. Rainbow had only several minutes to react, prepare an adequate counter, come up with a pithy quip and remind herself to buy more Persil Liquitabs.

Fluttershy threw the 'Punch', Rainbow caught it in between her two front hooves and twisted. The yellow would-be Mike Tyson was thrown to the ground with almost no effort on Rainbow's part.

"You're shit!" the blue pony remarked, and resolved to make her quips much more witty in the future. Fluttershy was undeterred though, and, considering she was about as physically powerful as a prematurely born hummingbird, that was quite impressive. She bolted at Rainbow again, and launched as many punches as her frail body could manage. Each bounced off the speedster doing absolutely no damage whatsoever.

"Fluttershy, I know you have the whole 'Ooooh I'm really shy but if you anger me I become a force to be reckoned with' cliche going on, but you do realise that getting into a hissy-fit doesn't make you any physically stronger, right?" Dash said with a patronising grin. The yellow pony caught her breath and gave Rainbow a glare that could melt solid steel.

She rocked back onto her hind-legs and raised both forehooves in an attempt to hammer down on Dash's head. The attack had the small problem of taking forever, as well as being incredibly easy to counter and making the weaker pony very vulnerable for an extended period of time. But other than that it was a terrific move in a battle that wasn't totally one-sided in any way at all.

Rainbow simply pumped both wings and Fluttershy was toppled over. Dash began to laugh at the humiliated pegasus. Rarity stopped using Twilight's face a speed-bag to allow the two unicorns a moment's chuckling. Pinkie and Applejack even joined in the mocking of the increasingly infuriated yellow pony. Pinkie giggled nastily, and Applejack emitted sounds that could have been laughter, but were more likely the sputtering death-rattle of somepony being choked by a close friend.

However, the group laughter was cut short when, in an eerie call-back to the earlier fight, Rainbow was shut up by a powerful, large object striking her in the face. Everypony was silenced and their eyes fell on Fluttershy... and the large rock she had thrown at Rainbow. It was a testament to that most time-honoured of sayings, 'If at first you don't succeed, come back with a weapon'.

Twilight carried on chuckling for a moment, but Rarity decided it was quiet-time now, so she slapped the mage. Twilight burned with fury, as well as the more painful burn of a cheek that had been struck several hundred times in the last few minutes. Her eyes fell on Fluttershy once more, who was aiming another rock at Rainbow.

"That gives me an idea-"

SLAP.

Twilight very nearly shouted something illegal and decided monologuing could wait. She blasted Rarity in the face with a concentrated beam of magenta energy. The attack conjured some purple smoke, but when that cleared, a very different dress-maker stood before her. In place of Rarity's usual fabulous visage was a uniform, grey surface. Twilight had turned her friend's entire head into a rock.

The purple pony couldn't help herself. As soon as Rarity began trying to speak and desperately looking around, Twilight fell to the ground laughing. Every time she turned, the fashionista swayed precariously with the weight of her new head. Rarity began squawking all manner of indignant sentiments, but unfortunately they all came out muffled.

"What's the matter Rarity?" Twilight giggled, "Tom-gue Tied?!"

No one laughed. In fact, the world actually became a slightly bleaker place at the utterance of such an impotent joke. Twilight looked around and glowered.

"Oh who the hell cares? You're still a rock Rarity," The librarian snapped. The formerly-purple-maned unicorn shrieked in fury and galloped in what she thought was Twilight's direction, a direction that turned out to lead straight past her intended target and into a nearby tree. Rarity smacked into the trunk and became dazed. Twilight laughed so hard she almost messed herself.

Meanwhile Pinkie and Applejack were both on the floor. The party-pony had a hoof weakly around AJ's neck, who was in turn attempting to kick Pinkie. Both were taking very large breaths and it was clear the oxygen starvation, or viscous flank-bruising depending on whose perspective this stupid story is taking, had taken it's toll. Even the insults were succumbing to exhaustion, 'Everypony hates your stupid parties Pinkie' had turned into 'Your alligator is a somewhat weird shade of green'.

Pinkie finally let go after another pitiful hind-leg buck from Applejack caught her in the angry purple bruise she had acquired. The two adversaries rolled away from one another, ragged breaths and coughs replaced what should have been fierce war-cries.

Meanwhile, Twilight was still weeping with laughter as Rarity swayed from side to side. Every few seconds, the white unicorn would jump to one side, avoiding all manner of imagined attacks. This only intensified Twilight's mirth, whose state had now transcended the surly constraints or our mortal definition of the word 'Amused'.

What the librarian didn't take into account though, was that every laugh that slipped through her lips just made her more position more known to her rock-headed adversary. This is why it came as such as shock when Rarity stilled for a few seconds, then vanished in a flash of blue light.

The element of magic's laughter stopped. She looked round confusedly, wondering what exactly had just happened. Her answer came in the form of a strange sound from above. Rarity was directly above her, hurtling toward Twilight, head/rock first, at a terrifying speed.

The stone impacted against Twilight with a crack, which thankfully originated from Rarity's now-damaged new head, rather than the librarian's skull. The two fell into a dishevelled heap. Pieces of rock fell away from Rarity, revealing a very dishevelled, sweaty element of generosity. Twilight blinked rapidly to try and stop seeing stars, all the while there was one burning question on her mind.

"How did you learn to teleport?" she choked out

"The same book you learned it from, you arrogant cow!" The seamstress spluttered breathlessly in retort, "And don't try that whole 'Self-Taught' clap-trap, you did it once by mistake, then immediately bought a copy of 'Teleportation for Dummies'." Twilight glowed red at the reveal of her secret, but decided a war of insults was pointless now. Instead, she elected to simply light Rarity's mane on fire.

The purple unicorn had only seconds to laugh, while the white unicorn barely had time to shriek and magically douse the flames, before unconsciousness overtook the two of them.

About ten metres away, Rainbow was still dodging multiple rocks from a furious Fluttershy. Her blue coat was already marred by a multitude of angry, purple bruises. Her desperate appeals from calm had fallen on deaf ears, and now she was devoting her energy to not being stoned to death.

Fluttershy threw another rock straight at her childhood friend's head. Rainbow managed to avoid it with a roll to the right. The yellow madpony went to retrieve another weapon, but wasn't able to get a good grip on the stone in her agitated state. It fell from her mouth to the ground, delaying her attack by a crucial couple of seconds.

Rainbow saw her chance. She pumped her wings and was launched into a arcing motion over Fluttershy's head, who had just managed to pick up her rock. Dash landed behind her antagonist and bucked a hindleg. It impacted straight between Fluttershy's legs. Her head snapped up, and the final rock was tossed skyward. A single tear escaped the yellow pegasus' eye, and she fell to the ground like a toppled statue.

"Heh," Rainbow spat hoarsely, "Ponies tend to think that only works against colts, but I suppose we've disproven that haven't we 'Shy?" Fluttershy didn't answer, she was to busy holding her lower-midriff while whimpering. Dash looked around, Rarity and Twilight were both unconscious in a position that might have been interpreted as tender had it not been for the small details of a smoking mane and a bruised head.

Applejack and Pinkie were still throwing paltry insults at each other. Their attempts at punches and kicks were nothing more than weak nudges now, they weren't going to be getting up any time soon. Rainbow already knew that Fluttershy was out of commission. The agonised squeaks she could still hear confirmed that.

"Well, I suppose I win then," Dash laughed cockily, and looked around for her prize, but encountered a small problem. Rainbow span on the spot, and a complete 360 revealed that the bleached dragon was absolutely nowhere to be found. The only living things in sight were the injured elements of harmony.

"Where the hell is he go-" Rainbow's sentence was cut short when Fluttershy's final rock landed. It smacked against the cyan pegasus' head and shattered. Her magenta eyes rolled back into her head and Rainbow lost conciousness. Any sense of victory was lost, and it it's place was found nothing more than a group of six mares who had beaten each other to near-death.

I guess friendship really is magic.

Author's Notes:

"If I insulted your favourite pony here, then I'm sorry.
SORRY YOU CAN'T TAKE A JO-"
Tomification. 19/12/13. Seconds before his brutal stabbing in a pub after saying something bad about Twilight