All eyes are still on me, judging me.

That much is standard, but their burning hatred is not.

Except that seems to no longer be true. I can't say for sure. I can't see in the dark, especially with that darn light still aiming at my face.

But even if I cannot see them, I have multiple ways of reading a room. Hearing, for example, and what I hear is mostly silence.

Silence from the room as I continue to pour my heart out with the performance of my violin.

My consciousness rouses for only brief spurts as I try to read the mood of the room like taking it's temperature. Most of the time, however, I am swimming in emotion and the music I play.

As I do so, I relive the moments of my past in my mind. When I shift from event to event, I concentrate on the feelings I had during it and pour it into my unversed song.

The fall of Sunset Shimmer hurt me much more deeply than I previously thought. It was an infection eating away at my very soul. As a perfectionist, it was easy to notice the cracks deepening into my life. I didn't know how to stop it.

Anger, pain, fear, regret . . . love.

The notes flowed from me. They climb from low then ascend high. On the high note, I drag it out, waving it for at least ten seconds.

Finally I heard a noise from the crowd after that. It seemed like a gasp from some of them.

Well, that's good. That means they are impressed. At the very least, I have their attention. I need that.

As I continue to play, I think back to the school assembly that I called to address the issue of Sunset Shimmer. By then, I definitely noticed how my inner anguish was eating away at my perceived, perfection. My previous source of power.

It's really so regretful that my journey had to be so painful for me, but that's what it took to spark a much greater evolution for me. I didn't know it back then, but I was the Tower Tarot card as well. My previous regime had to crumble before it could be built anew. Before I can become a butterfly, the caterpillar must form a chrysalis first.

During this process for me, the ray of hope so rarely beamed on me strongly enough to notice, but I do recall one time that finally got my attention.

~Eight Months Ago~

With the power and authority I wield over this campus, it wasn't too difficult to arrange this school assembly, especially with an issue this important hanging over the minds of most of the students.

Still, it irritates how other assholes like Superintendent Neighsay jumps on the bandwagon and in order to use that opportunity to put in his own two-bits on the issue. I should have been suspicious when he approved of my proposal to arrange this meeting. Now I know why.

At his insistence, he spoke before me. I will be the second to last one to speak at this assembly, and I'm okay with that. I'll let the dickweed get whatever it is off his chest then we'll get to the real issue after that.

For the most part, what he talks about is a few legal issues involved with Sunset Shimmer's case. He also encourages everyone to step forward and confess if they have ever been abused or felt abused by Sunset, but he also encourages to do this in privacy.

Publicly, he's practically begging the students not to talk to news reporters about this issue at all. He says he understands the temptation to get two minutes of fame, but he also encourages the students to consider how doing so damages the reputation of this school even further. A reputation which already has some shadiness to it.

Neighsay admits that many parents are already concerned about sending their kids to Canterlot in fear that they might get hurt by the local pony magic. He said those parents fear that their kids might get hurt or transformed somehow into a monster. A fear which is well justified by many past cases.

Neighsay warns that if this trend continues, Canterlot High may have to be shut down permanently on that ground that is a hazard to public safety. He also adds that many School Board members are already discussing that option because they don't want to get sued for negligence of public safety.

By talking to the press, he encourages the gathered students to realize how that only feeds the flames of fear about this campus. Since this school is already in danger of being shut down, any further antagonizing actions against it simply pushes this fate closer to the edge.

Neighsay begs the gathered students to realize that if there is any part of them that cherishes this school and sees it as “special” for some reason that he can't fathom, then they should treat this issue delicately. He adds that Sunset's damaged reputation already taints the school even further. Now many other parents are looking at the other faculty members with similar and very guarded suspicion.

I sigh as I look down. I can't fault Neighsay for discussing these things. They are legitimate concerns.

He's made it clear to me personally what he thinks of this campus and those who run it. It seems to me he's on the side that's pushing for this school to be shut down or at least wipe out certain faculty members, my mother included.

With everything that has been going on lately, he's simply voicing the concerns of the public. Although he personally wants the school to be shut down, he's also being fair by suggesting a path to the students just in case they want to save the school.

I have to give him props for that. He's not letting his personal feelings cloud his judgment too much, at least not in this case. That's a hard skill for most humans to learn. By offering a way out or at least warning what path to avoid which might cause further danger to the school, he's putting the power of the fate of the school in the hands of the students themselves.

It almost feels like a dare. Like he's saying, “If it were up to me, I'd shut this school down in a heartbeat, but I recognize that some of you actually do care about this place. If that's true, then prove it to me! Show me that you can be responsible with this catastrophe. If you can do that, it might change my stubborn mind about this otherwise doomed schools fate.”

I respect his willingness to be fair and I understand that he's just doing his job, but man . . . I still don't like him.

A prick by any other name is still a prick.

Lame clapping sounds filled the room with empty enthusiasm as Neighsay walks away from the podium. Privately, I'm wondering if the only reason anyone is applauding at all is over the fact that Neighsay finally shut up.

Another thing I have noticed about my fellow human species is most of us don't like to be lectured like that. When others keep telling us, “Hey you! Don't do bad stuff!” Our typical sarcastic reaction is, “Okay mom, or dad. Whatever!”

That reminds me of another quote from a song lyric which says, “HEY, TEACHER! Leave us kids alone!”

My darling mother approaches the podium next, but not for long. She simply did it to announce who will speak to them next. In this case, it's me. After she does, a much greater applause fills the room. When that happens, I quickly look over to Neighsay. His face is mostly a neutral stone mask, but I did spot tiny irritated twitches to his mustache and his right eye.

Good! Then he realizes he's being pissed on. That feels so good to know!

Then I look at the podium and take a deep breath. I realize that it's my turn.

Without much hesitation, I rise from my seat and approach the podium. While I approach it, my mother is backing off backwards while joining the applause of the room at me. I glance to her for a brief moment. It is enough to catch her encouraging smile towards me.

She's always like that to me. Every time I see her, she does little other than encouraging my growth. She truly is doing everything she can to make sure that I become the best possible woman I can be.

I feel slightly misty eyed just thinking about that.

I stand before the podium and set my note cards on it. I close my eyes and take another deep breath.

I've been in the spotlight plenty of times. Usually it's a thrill. Where most people would panic, I feel the thrill of the challenge awaken me and cause me to feel so alive! All those eyes staring at me and judging me, it also means I have their attention. It means I have this opportunity to influence their minds which means I have power over them!

I love that sensation! I love being important! I love being in charge!

At least . . . that is what I'd usually say to myself, but today . . . I'm off my game a bit. For once, I actually feel nervous enough to threaten my concentration. It does not help to realize that what I'm about to say might be unpopular. Fighting against the mood of the crowd is like trying to swim against a river current. I hate the feeling of having low odds of success, despite how influential I am. Despite being a good swimmer of the river.

And besides, this issue is really personal to me. My emotional side is staking a greater claim to my mind than it usually does. Usually my rational side is dominant, and it still is in this case, but my emotions are being greedy today. Instead of hovering around fifteen percent of my mind, today it feels like it's doubled to thirty. That is way outside my comfort zone. It means I now how a thirty percent chance to fuck this up, and the perfectionist in me cringes as this possible flaw.

I'm aware how I can use my emotions to illustrate my point, but typically I do it as a strategic performance. I can give a fake smile or cry easily enough if I want to and I don't mind that. Such things leave me in control. However, real smiles or tears threaten my concentration, and I despise anything that leaves me feeling less under control.

I open my eyes again. Although it seems like I'm staring into the crowd, my focus is actually glazed . . . until I notice something that ceases my interest.

Almost straight in front of me at the other end of the room is Rarity. She is still wearing her “detective” outfit which includes her hat that hides a quarter of her face. The one eye that I can see is silently judging me. She also has her arms cross in front of her chest.

I can see it in her eyes. She knows I did it. She knows I framed her “friend” Sunset Shimmer. It feels so unreal that she is so good as a detective that she went straight after the real culprit. I previously thought that my relationship with my mother might make her somewhat skeptical of that point, but no. She knows! I don't entirely know why, but she knows.

This thought makes me paranoid. Who else knows? Who else has she told? Who else will she tell? Am I about to be fired as Student Council President? Will I be expelled from school? Will my mother abandon me? Will I get arrested?

Anger and panic flash through my eyes. In an attempt to hide it, I look at the podium while my hands grip it tightly.

Get it together, Cozy! You got this! Making public speeches and manipulating a crowd is one of your strengths.

Or at least . . . it used to be. Doubt is seeded in my soul now. I can feel my power cracking. I can feel my control breaking down.

Damn it, NO! I am Cozy Glow! I am destined to rule everything! I will be in charge of everything and everyone!

I am!

Resolve hardening in my soul, I click a button on my cell phone on the podium which causes a giant screen to unfurl behind and above me. I wait in silence to build dramatic effect. I listen to the sound of the electric rollers as it lowers the screen. When it stops, I click another button on my cell phone. A projector with three color lights beams an image to the screen above and behind me. I don't even need to look to know it is now showing the image of Sunset Shimmer who is smiling widely and reaching her arms out as if to embrace the viewer of this image into a warm hug.

I show this because this is the Sunset I choose to remember and I want them to remember.

“A lot of rumors have been flying throughout this school,” I began. My voice booms through the room via the multitude of speakers about. “A lot of reasons have come about that have challenged our perception of reality, but if you think about it . . . this honestly isn't the first time.

“Who, among you, thought that magic didn't exist before you came to this campus? Who among you thought that absolutely everything in reality is grounded by indisputable scientific fact? If this was your previous world view, raise your hands.”

I pause a moment to let those words sink in. Gradually I see some hands raise. The more it happens, the braver the rest of the crowd is to admit they had the same thoughts. Eventually the majority of the room raises their hands. I estimate about sixty-two percent by the looks of them.

Then, to their surprise, I raise my own hand. I wait for the gasp of astonishment to simmer down before returning my hand to the podium and resume my speech.

“This is what a school is for. We came here to learn,” I remind my audience. “We came here to be challenged and to open our minds to new possibilities. Such is the case with this school. Canterlot High is far more than it appears on the surface. Time and time again, something magical happens here. Case in point,” I point behind me at the giant image, then say, “Sunset Shimmer is prime example of that. She is the leader who awakened us to the fact that the horizons of our human knowledge extend a lot further than we previously thought.”

My hand returns grip the side of the podium.

“That is the magic she brought to our attention. The magic that fills us in here,” I point to my head, “and in here.” I cover my heart.

My hand returns to grip the side of the podium as I lean forward a bit and ask, “Have have any of you, ever, looked up to the stars and wondered if we really are alone in this universe? Is it just us, or are there other worlds with sentience and life? Are they gazing up at the stars and wondering the same thing?

“Perhaps that wonder, imagination and magic is what we all have in common.

“Sunset Shimmer is not human. Let me say it again. Sunset Shimmer is NOT human . . . at least not by birth. She was born a pony from another world, a parallel dimension that is both strangely similar yet also different from our would.

“When she first came to our world, she had very dark ambitions. She came to get away from something from her own world. She came to flee from the true purpose of her own heart. She fought against her fate, and that corrupted her. It made her lash out at everyone. Sunset Shimmer was literally a bully.

“Can you imagine that now? A few of you might remember that. Some of you even directly experienced her dark hands at the time, but look at what she's done since then!

“Is all her faults really so unrelatable? You seem quick to judge her now. I understand the influences and power of fear. Believe me, I do!” I place my hands on my chest of a second then return it to the podium as I resume. “But if any of you are without sin then, by all means, cast the first stone.”

I see a look of guilt sweep across the faces of many gathered. Good. This means I'm making progress.

“What we have here,” I resume as I gesture to her image behind me, “is a story about redemption. She did have a dark history. Hell, she even transformed into a she-demon at one time. Some of you might remember that. Some of you might have experienced how she mind-raped you at one time and forced you under her control. I'm sure it must have haunted those who have experienced that. To feel that level of vulnerability as your will is ripped from you. Many might have thought such things weren't even possible before that moment but, ever since, you look out into the world and can't help but wonder what else might exist to threaten you, and yeah . . . that's scary. I guess we live in a scary world after all. Who would have thought?

“But ask yourself this with all honesty. Have you . . . even once . . . considered using that kind of power if you ever had it? Was there even one brief moment during your childhood when you wished you could control the world or anyone else?

“I certainly have.” I gesture to myself. “I think about it all the time. Why do you think I ran for Student Council President? I do enjoy having enough authority to help people, and I do care for my fellow students. Those who have seen me in my office, or anywhere else for that matter, can attest to this. I keep my campaign promises. I truly do care, but don't think that I'm such a saint enough that I'm immune to the ego trip this authority helps to grant me. I know I have power, and I use it to influence the world in any direction that really matters to me, and THIS,” I gesture to Sunset's image again, “is something that matters to me. Someone that matters to me.” My hand returns to the podium. “I thought I wasn't alone in this feeling. Was I mistaken? Do I stand alone?”

I pause again to let those thoughts sink in, then I resume about ten seconds later. I count that in my head.

“Whether we like it or not, and whether we like to admit it to ourselves or not, our reality is a lot bigger than most of us thought. It's a lot bigger than what most of the residents of Horse-Land thought as well. Even today, most of them still don't know that we exist. Like us, they are wondering if they are alone in the universe as well.

“But both we and they are not. That's what Sunset Shimmer revealed to us. She is the bridge and the portal that opened our minds to new possibilities. Possibilities which reveal how much more endless potential might be out there. If something so magical as the land she came from exists, then what else might be out there? Is the bounds of our imagination truly just limited to our heads, or did our minds and hearts create these worlds for real? And, if that's the case, then consider this: What world out there in the infinite dimensions created us?

“I'm not going to pretend that such concepts isn't scary. It is, but it's also exciting. It means there is so much more for us to explore out there. So much potential for growth. In these worlds, we don't just run into the possibility of meeting enemies. We should also acknowledge the possibility of making new friends. Her world seems to specialize that.

“Have you ever stopped and considered the possibility that this is exactly what we need to grow as human beings? What if Sunset's arrival isn't pure random chance? What if she was meant to come in order to encourage us to grow?

“Look around you. Look at this school in particular. Sure we suffered lots of disasters in the past, but are we really lesser for it? When I look at this school, I see many of my fellow students embrace each other in friendship. I see people of all walks of life and skin colors either ignore our differences or openly celebrate them. I see a school ready and willing to break out into song and dance at any moment. I see a school with minds awakened to new and exciting possibilities.

“School isn't just an institution designed to test you with letters and numbers. It's true purpose is to prepare you for adulthood, and we need it. We need that guidance because the world is a very complicated place, but it's also simple in some core concepts.

“Core concept number one; we are human beings.

“Core concept number two; we need each other for survival.

“Core concept number three; none of us wants to feel alone.

“Core concept number four; we are happier and stronger together.

“Core concept number five: we are not alone. Not in this world, this universe, or any other dimension.

“We have so much to explore on this world, in ourselves, and everywhere else. Who, among you, will make it your professional carrier to explore the lands of Horse-Land? Who among you will be the first to actively try to open their eyes to new possibilities? Who among you will discover portals to yet other undiscovered worlds?

“All of this . . . ALL of this . . . started with Sunset Shimmer.

“So when you look at her and into her eyes . . . when you look into her very soul . . . do you really see an alien from another world that you can't possibly relate to?

“Let me tell you what I personally see when I look into her eyes. I see a woman who radiates wisdom and compassion. I see a woman who's exited to explore our world. I see a woman who laughs and cries. She jokes and pokes fun at others sometimes, but soda shoots out her nose just as far as the rest of us when we get her into gut busting laughter. I see a woman who is overwhelmingly trying her best to be our friend. I see a woman who saved our lives on far more than one occasion.

“We have a word for someone like that. It's called being a hero.

“It's called being human.

“Sunset Shimmer is magical, but she has only used that power to protect us, herself and her friends. She's used it to protect total strangers. How many of you can stand up to astral demons floating in the air? How many of you would pick up a microphone and defend total strangers?

“Sunset Shimmer may have been born a pony in another world, but she has since learned how to be human. She walks among us. She plays among us. She sings and dances among us. If anything, she has taught us how similar alien beings can be to us. They, too, don't wish to be alone. They, too, think and feel just like we do. They also worry about their fate. They also hope that something amazing is in store for them.

“So look at her. Look at her face. Look into her eyes and feel the warmth of her soul. A soul that radiates so powerfully she became a fricken seraphim on more than one occasion, and do you want to know how? She claims its because of the bonds she gained for us, fellow members of our species. Their souls shined line brilliant rainbows. They proved it on far more than one occasion.

“The magic of Horse-Land can get bright or dark. It all depends on what reality we chose to embrace. So will we chose to embrace fear, or harmony?

“Many of those out there in the world who yell and point accusing fingers at Sunny by calling her an evil rapist or a witch, they have already made their choice. They have chosen to embrace fear, and the dark side of Horse-Land magic loves them for it.

“But you have your own life to live. You are in charge of your own destiny. When you look at this picture, do you see a villain, or a hero? Do you see an enemy, or a friend? Do you see an alien, or a fellow human being with wants, needs, hopes and dreams just like our own?

“Make your choice, and please . . . for the love of God . . . make it a good one.”

I curtsy to them as I say, “Thank you.”

* * *

I burst into the girl's bathroom in a hurry and make my way into a private toilet stall. I close and lock the door. I lift the edges of my frilly blue dress and plop my ass down on the toilet seat.

But I didn't come here to use the toilet. I came here to be alone because I don't want anyone to see what will come next.

Because I hate revealing my vulnerabilities and weaknesses.

Images and memories of Sunset Shimmer obsessively hover through my mind.

“Hey, do you guys want to hear a secret?” Sunset Shimmer had once told the camera, and thus the viewers of her youtube channel, as she leaned forward and spoke conspiratorially but also excitedly. “I . . . fricken . . . love this game!

“I know! I know!” She waved off at the camera. “Silly of me, right? I mean, with all the bad controls and awkward settings and glitches I have encountered, this game barely deserves the standard of a beta test game at best. It feels almost like a single students collage homework assignment instead of an actual published and licensed game, but man! That story! I'll take some more of that, please!

“Despite all of it's flaws, the story just draws me in! That is it's influence. That is its power that it has over me. I love it when a story feels so strong that it can pull me in kicking and screaming and I still can't help but surrender to it.

“Such things awakens my mind to new possibilities. I love it when a story forces me to reevaluate life and realize there is more than one way to look at things.

“Sometimes we need to have stories in our life that drag us outside our own personal comfort zones. Dark stories can teach us something valuable about life, and personally . . . I think it makes me appreciate the light even more. It makes me love myself and who I am!

“I think we all need that as human beings every once in a while. It helps us appreciate what we have. It helps us to sympathize with others who are less fortunate than us.

“I, for one, will always appreciate that reminder. To be reminded why kindness is important. We are all on this journey together, so lets hold each other's hands as we lift each other out of the darkness and soar into the brightest days!

“Do not go gently into the darkest night, and sing brightly as we march into that glorious light!”

Tears erupt into my eyes, blurring my vision in the bathroom.

“Sunnnnnnnyyyyy!” I weep. “I'm so, so sorry!”

God, I knew this would hurt, but even I miscalculated how much it would. Time, if anything, is causing my wounds to fester more.

Dark King: Get a HOLD of yourself! This insect is not worth your time or pathetic tears!

Dark King: You saw an opportunity and a threat, so you took care of it. You cut the fat off of your body with a bloody knife, and are are all the better for it.

Dark King: Sever your ties to lesser creatures. They only hold you back.

“Shut up! Shut UP!”

I rip my augment reality glasses from my face and I chuck it away hard. The glasses slide away under the bathroom stall where I eventually hear it slide to a stop.

I feel an immediate sting of regret. Those glasses cost nearly five thousand dollars! I've known state of the art computers costing less than that. I hope to God I didn't damage them.

But, right now, I can't help it. I'm tried. I'm cranky. I'm hungy. I'm angry. I'm scared. I think my blood sugar level is too low.

In short, I'm miserable.

To top it all off, the pièce de résistance, the goddamn cherry on top of the cake, I think I'm beginning my menstrual cycle again. The damn thing just won't make up it's mind when to come or go yet. It just shows up whenever it “feels” like it and makes my life a living hell whenever it does.

I despise uncontrollable variables! Such things mar my otherwise glorious perfection.

My hands shiver as they grip each other. My whole damn body is shaking as if I am in the frozen tundra.

“Cozy, look at me, Sweetie,” Sunset once encouraged me.

I close my eyes and think back to the memory.

“You know you can tell me anything you want, right? I'm here for you if you need me. I mean it. If anything bothers you, you give me a call. If need be, I'll come riding over to you right away.”

My face scrunches in pain.

“I just want to make sure that you are aware of that option. I'm here for you, Cozy. Day or night. If you need me, you'll call me. Alright? I want you to promise me, right now, that you are aware of that.”

My shiver intensifies.

“Promise me!” Sunset requests earnestly. This time this statement defies the memory I have of her of that particular moment, but I hear her voice in my head so clearly anyway.

I cry harder and shake my head while my eyes are still closed.

“Promise me!” Sunset seems to cry out much more desperately.

I want to, but how can I? You promised me that you'd be here for me whenever I need you.

Well, I need you now! I have never needed you more.

Where are you, Sunset Shimmer? Come to me, please! I need you! I need you so badly.

I know my thoughts are not rational. I know where she is. I know who sent her there, but my emotions are out of control right now. No matter what I know, rational thought does not dominate my mind right now.

I just want to feel her! I want to feel her touch on my shivering hands!

Then, all of the sudden, I get my wish. I choke, startled, when I feel warm and loving hands embrace mine.

Those hands are so warm! It's as if it bathed on solar light just before touching my hands.

The radiating warm seeps into my skin. I feel the warmth start to pulse within my hands.

“Sunny?” I cry out with a start. I pop my eyes open and look forward. Despite all logic, I can feel her loving hands on me. She has got to be here . . . somehow.

But I see nothing. My eyes confirm what my mind already knows, and that is the fact that I am alone in this bathroom stall. In fact, I am alone in this entire bathroom.

Yet I still feel that radiating warmth pouring over my hands like a river of loving energy.

I look at my hands. I see nothing there except my hands, but they are not shivering anymore. My hands are finally still.

How is this possible?

Then again, didn't I just come from an assembly where I told everyone else that Sunset Shimmer is a magical woman who makes anything possible?

Plus, if there is any way to do this, she would have the motivation to do so.

After all, she promised me, and Sunset Shimmer is loyal and kind enough to keep her promises.

I lift my hands as I continue to examine them. That phantom feeling of emery clings to my hands but starts to fade as I move them.

“Sunny? Is that really you in here?” I cry out in a small voice full of worry and hope.

The warmth that was previously in my hands seems to transfer into my chest, and it's much stronger this time. I feel like I'm sunning myself to deliberately cause a tan, except the warmth radiates from inside of me. It pulses out of my chest in slow, rhythmic waves. Every pulse warms and soothes me.

I think I now know what healing energy feels like in online RPG's I have played.

I press both of my hands into my chest as I close my eyes and bow my head.

Pulse after pulse . . . I feel so loved! So warm. So protected.

The only part of me that's not calm is my rational side. That part of me is desperately racing fast to try to explain this, and it does eventually come up with a plausible theory.

I already knew that Sunset Shimmer is magical, and I knew her laptop computer is likewise. I attempted and succeeded to hack into it with a flash drive, and I got shocked by this process not once, but twice!

Was that magic that transferred inside of me? Was that Sunset Shimmers magic, or at least Horse-Land magic?

In fact . . . does that also explain that other dark entity that has been bugging me lately? The Dark King? Is he also a byproduct of Horse-Land magic? He said it himself, but I didn't believe him at the time. I think it was because I didn't want to believe him.

But now I'm feeling Sunny's presence too. Her warm, soothing energy radiate inside of me.

God, I knew it! She really is an angel!

Maybe I accidentally brought in both spirits into my life. Both the devil and the angel.

Both the darkness and the light.

Both fear and harmony.

It fits the pattern. Horse-Land magic has always offered both whenever it offers either.

“But you have your own life to live. You are in charge of your own destiny.” I recall myself saying not long ago. “Make your choice, and please . . . for the love of God . . . make it a good one.”

Is there still hope for a wretch like me?

Sigh.

Too many questions, and I'm too exhausted.

I'll just sit here for now and bask in this moment.

As I reviewed this chapter one last time to make corrections before post, it occurred to me that the message and morale within this chapter is pretty poignant during these times that we live in. I hope that it helps bring you comfort and perspective in your lives.

One song that helped remind me of this chapter, particularly the last part of it, is Foreigner - I Want To Know What Love Is (With Lyrics)

Next week I got something special planned. Eight chapters posted one a day back to back because six of them are actually a 6 part saga. I'll have an extra chapter posted before and after that saga. I hope you look forward to that. In the meantime, I look forward to hearing from you all about what you think of this chapter or others.