Predictably, one reasonably old, beaten up man against a seemingly limitless stream of armour-wearing horses (no matter how dim-witted) could only ever have gone one way.

Paul ended up in custody, albeit not without fuss.

His reluctance at coming in quietly was the reason his wrists had been chained together, much to his annoyance. He’d given a pretty good account of himself though, he liked to think, going by the bruises on both him and a fair few guards surrounding him.

They’d been surrounding him for some time now. After having been subdued he’d been brought (read: dragged) to this town’s hall, and once there had just been made to stand and wait with no further explanation.

Paul, as a rule, did not like standing for any extended period of time, and so this was less than ideal. That the room he was waiting in was basically wall-to-wall guards was really just the icing on the cake. He could barely move for the bloody things, they were everywhere.

“Why are we waiting?” He asked, and not for the first time.

“Silence, criminal scum,” the nearest guard hissed back.

“My leg hurts. I am old man! Should have chair!”

“I said quiet!”

“Will not be quiet! Why are we waiting? Put me in cell, do not waste time,” Paul said, loudly, raising his arms.

“Stop goading the prisoner,” hissed another guard, leaving the first utterly flabbergasted.

“Me? Goading? He-”

The doors to the room burst open and a hush fell and the strangest sense of unexpected warmth just seemed to suddenly fill every available corner. It put Paul on edge.

Seemed that what - or who - they’d been waiting for had arrived.

There was a big white one, a smaller darker one and a much smaller kind of bluey-purply one. All looked pretty grim and serious. Paul assumed that these were some of the ones in charge, those Princesses he’d heard about, and, as a result, took an immediate dislike to all of them.

Crowns indeed. He’d spent most of his life doing something he didn’t really want to do for someone wearing a crown or carrying something with a crown printed on it which meant he had to do what they said. Not a fan.

If he was meant to be impressed by them being tall or their shiny bits or their wings or their big billowy hair he wasn’t buying it, either. Only two of them had the billowy hair anyway. Slapdash.

The vast mass of guards choking the room parted, creating a space for the three new arrivals to move into, a handful keeping a line between them and Paul who kept on standing, waiting.

“You ones in charge?” He asked once the three had come to a halt just across from him.

The white one - the biggest one - stepped forward.

“I am Princess Celestia, this is my sister Princess Luna and this is Princess Twilight Sparkle,” she said, in tones warm, pleasant and authoritative, three things Paul wasn’t a huge fan of.

These names meant nothing to him either and, honestly, just kind of annoyed him.

“Ones in charge, yes. Why am I waiting?” He asked.

Used to being treated with, if not deference at least a little friendliness and courtesy, Celestia was momentarily taken aback. But only by the briefest of moments, and that was by her standards, so more of a split-second than anything else.

“What are you?” Asked the dark one - Luna - before Celestia could continue.

“Paul. I make things.”

That was about as much as he felt was required as an answer.

“Why am I waiting?” He asked again.

Luna looked set to give a rather sharp response before Celestia gently laid a wing across her back, being the one to speak instead and asking:

“We were told that you were recently travelling in the company of a filly?”

“Yes,” said Paul.

No point in denying it.

Hearing this Celestia nodded, as though all was now clicking into place. She started:

“I am sorry to say that you have been mislead, manipulated and used by this filly who-”

Paul could see where this was going and did not have the stomach to wait for her to get to the point.

“No. I know who she is, I know what she did,” he said, interrupting, scratching his jaw and wincing as he caught one of the bruises.

That came as a surprise.

“You knew? And you helped her anyway?” Celestia asked.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Paul shrugged.

“Funny.”

No-one else seemed to get the joke, from the looks of things.

“Funny?” Celestia repeated.

“Yes, funny. Many weeks, not caught. Very funny. Guards useless, stupid. Me, not exactly in-con-spic-u-ous, hmm?” That one had been a mouthful but Paul felt it had been worth it. “Walked into town with Cozy! No-one notice until I take leak, even then only got lucky! Hah! Funny! Aha!”

Again, no-one else seemed to find the funny side of this. Not that Paul cared.

Much of the warmth that Celestia had previously been radiating was now reduced. Not absent, but restrained, say. Which was more than could be said for the starry-one, who looked nigh-on murderous and the little one, who just looked deeply upset.

“So you admit aiding and abetting a known criminal?” Celestia asked.

“Yes. I do good job, too. Give me a medal,” Paul said.

“Impudent-!” Luna snarled, taking a step forward, Celestia stopping her short and giving her a look.

Celestia then continued:

“You will have to be punished, of course,” she said.

Paul shrugged. Not a surprise, not the first time. Who cared anyway? Old man. He could take it. And this was what people in charge did anyway, what they were for.

“Yes. Fine. Good. What happens to the child?” He asked.

“To Cozy Glow?” Celestia asked. She honestly hadn’t expected him to ask after Cozy.

“Yes yes, the child. What happens?” Paul asked, nodding.

Assuming she ever got caught, of course. He was mostly just curious.

He still thought - in the back of his head - that she had to have been lying to him about the whole ‘pit and cage’ setup in an attempt to try and curry some sympathy from him or something, to push his buttons. This seemed as good a time as any to confirm.

Before Celestia could answer Luna cut in:

“What was meant to happen to her in the first place! She will be conducted - in greater security - to Tartarus, where she will be incarcerated,” she said.

A lot of the guards shifted uncomfortably at the ‘greater security’ part because she’d glared around the room and, really, no-one had wanted to catch her eye.

“Tar-ta-rus?” Paul asked, brow furrowed. Had Cozy mentioned that? He couldn’t remember. Either age or hoof-blows to the head. “That is the prison? Like, big hole?”

“I suppose you could categorise it as such…” Celestia said. She wasn’t wholly happy with it existing, even if she knew it had to, and was certainly not happy that anyone had to get put into it, least of all a child. In an ideal world it wouldn’t have to be there, but, sadly, it did.

Paul’s brow knotted further.

“In cage?” He asked.

“Well, yes…” Celestia said, clearly even more unhappy about this particular detail but not able to deny it, either, glancing to one side.

At this a nearby knot of guards parted, revealing that Cozy had actually been there the whole time, and been there in a tiny little kiddy cage to boot.

And despite what she’d said once about it not being that big of a deal, the absolutely crushed look on her face kind of suggested that it was perhaps a bigger deal than she had been willing to admit.

Assuming she wasn’t just putting it on, of course. Or wasn’t just sad she’d lost her hat.

And not that it mattered either way. On seeing this Paul’s eyes had widened then, a second later, he’d launched himself in her direction and through whatever guards happened to be in the way at the time, elbowing, kicking and kneeing his way across the room even as shouting guards immediately dogpiled onto him.

“You bastards! You complete and utter bastards! You DID put her in a cage! That’s bullshit! She’s just a kid! Kids don’t get better in a cage! What kind of chance is that giving her? What the hell do you think you’re playing at?! You fucks let her out of that right now! I’ll fucking have you! Everyone wearing a crown in this room can GET FUCKED! I’ll chew through the bars with my fucking TEETH if I have to! Get off me you cunts!”

Of course, since this had been delivered (at some volume) in angry, snarling English from beneath a pile of bodies there were only two people in the room who understood a word, and one of them was the one shouting it all. Cozy rather appreciated it though, all told. Particularly the swearing.

The guards were very enthusiastic in their efforts at restraining Paul. Vocal, too.

“He’s spry for an old man!”
“Hold his legs!”
“I think he bit me!”
“Ow, this part’s metal!”

All of which struggling came to an abrupt halt when, with a light tinkling sound, golden light enveloped everyone involved and hoiked them all into the air. The guards - sheepish - were all set down gently in a row. Paul though stayed suspended, and was brought over to Celestia.

Hovering and held in the air in front of her, Paul couldn’t do a whole lot other than glare.

“Let her out,” he said.

“I’m sorry?” Celestia asked.

“Let. Her. Out. Out of cage! Should not - child - not in -”

His frustration was getting the better of him here, and his ability to be articulate was suffering as a result. Growling, he gave up on that.

“Hey, Cozy,” he called out instead. Cozy’s ear twitched and she glanced up, still doleful. “You tell them!”

“Tell them what?”

“I - I don’t know! Something! Anything! Tell them you’re sorry! Say you’ll make it up to them or something!”

“They don’t care.”

“Piss and shit, why is everyone in charge always such a fucking moron!”

“You understand what he is saying?” Celestia asked, looking over to Cozy.

Cozy nodded.

“He taught me. It’s fine, I told you it was fine. I can work with this. It’s fine,” she said.

He just held his hands up, even as some of his fidgeting started to cause him to rotate in place. Celestia had to correct for this.

“Shh, I’m thinking…” He said.

“Are you-” Celestia started to ask.

“Shh! I am thinking!” Paul snapped, holding up a finger on both manacled hands to get his point across. Celestia was brought up short.

That sort of thing didn’t happen to her that often.

“Not exactly sure what there is for you to think about, rea-” she started.

“Wait, I’ve got it! I am to be punished, yes?” He asked.

Celestia blinked at him. Slowly.

“Yes,” she said. Paul gestured to Cozy with both hands, pointing.

“Put me in cage in hole with child. Other cage, not same cage. Oh I hope that didn’t come out sounding wrong...”

Celestia looked to Luna then to Twilight, but neither of them had any better idea of what was happening than she did.

“Sorry? Would you care to repeat that, I don’t think I fully followed you,” she said.

“What? What are you doing?!” Cozy practically squawked from the sidelines, fluttering in agitation.

“It’s a good idea!” Paul said to her before turning back to Celestia. “Put me in cage next to other cage in hole with child. Tar-ta-rus, hmm? Put me there.”

“This is not a good idea!” Cozy shouted. Frowning, Paul turned to properly argue with her.

“It’s a brilliant idea! I’ve probably been in worse places. And someone has to look after you, damn kid. You sure aren’t looking after yourself!” He yelled.

“This isn’t going to slow me down! I don’t need looking after!” She shouted back.

“Yes you bloody do! Or company at least! Someone to get you to come out of your own bloody head and actually look at the world. Someone telling you ‘no’ every once in a while never hurt anybody. Not going to let them just toss you into some dank pit all on your own!”

Cozy hesitated a moment before shouting back, if only because what Paul was saying and suggesting was so utterly and completely baffling to her. Perfectly in keeping with how weird he acted normally, of course, but that just made it worse. Why was he this way?! What did she do?! Why did he keep doing things like this?! For her?! Why?!

“T-that’s stupid! You’re being stupid! Just go! Just let them take me!”

“No!”

They likely would have continued this had they not both found their mouths magically clamped shut.

“Not wishing to be rude, but could you please - for now - speak in such a way as everypony present can understand? Given Cozy’s previous behaviour it might be unwise to allow her an avenue of planning such as this, public though it may be,” Celestia said.

To put it mildly. Better safe than sorry.

“She is not plotting! She is being dumb kid!” Paul said once his gag vanished.

“Me?! I’m being dumb?! You’re the one wanting to get thrown into Tartarus when you don’t have to?! What is wrong with you?!” Cozy screeched having managed to pull the magical gag (hers having most certainly not gone away) enough away from her mouth to do so.

“Is brilliant plan!” Paul yelled back.

Cozy would likely have responded but the gag snapped back and got bigger, and Celestia - gently - turned Paul’s head so his attention was back on her again.

“Why would you want me to do this? Who is Cozy Glow to you?” She asked.

“Me? Stranger. She is strange child. But smart. Child does not know what is good for her. Know no child does, but this child especially. Wants to keep making mistakes. Dumb mistakes!” He said, glowering sideways over at Cozy. Cozy, in turn, looked for all the world as though she was trying to pry the bars apart by hoof so she could fly over and throttle him.

“Argh!” She screamed, loud even when it was muffled.

Celestia absorbed this.

“You’re interested in her reformation?” She asked.

That last word took Paul a second to parse, and once he did he blanched.

“What? No. No! Just think child should have chance, is all. And think that if she gets put into hole she will come out worse. A waste. What a waste! Smart child! Could do much, if she tried! I can go in hole no problem, already worse enough. But she could be better! If she just tried! Cannot try in cage!”

Celestia gave Paul a very hard, lingering look and he couldn’t help shake the impression she was peering into him more deeply than he felt comfortable with. Kind of made his skin crawl. She then turned to engage in hushed, whispered discussion with the other two. This Paul did not appreciate either.

“I am still waiting,” he grumbled, turning slowly in midair. At least it had taken the weight off his legs.

Their conferring went on a few minutes longer and seemed in parts to get rather heated, at least as far as whispering can be said to get heated. At length their little huddle broke and they all took up position again, Paul finding himself lowered back down to the ground, magic fading.

“What?” He asked, bluntly. They looked expectant and he’d rather they just get on with it.

“We feel that we may - may - have arrived at a very tentative alternative solution,” Celestia said.

This sort of thing was never a good start, in Paul’s experience. If someone in charge wasn’t outright telling you what horrible thing they had planned it usually implied they had something worse than normal up their sleeve and just wanted to be coy about it.

Not that horses had sleeves, as a rule. But still. Point remained. Couldn’t ever trust anyone in charge. They never got there by being nice.

“What?” He asked again, wary this time.

“We would be willing to forgo imprisoning Cozy Glow if and only if you took her into your care and took personal responsibility for her...improvement.”

Paul blinked, then went for the hat trick:

"What?”

“Under very, very, very close supervision,” chipped in the small one.

“Very close supervision,” Celestia agreed, nodding. “You would be asked to live either in or around Canterlot, with oversight and regular visits from an appointed representative and measures would be taken to prevent - to ensure that Cozy remains where she is supposed to.”

Paul could not believe what he was hearing. This was so much worse than his idea!

“What? No! No no no! Bad idea! No!” He said, looking from one of them to the other in quick succession, looking for a hint of a coming punchline.

He liked a joke as much as the next man but this wasn’t funny!

“I think she could benefit from a role model. I think she already has,” Celestia said, looking over to Cozy who, despite herself, couldn’t quite meet the Princess’s eye. She wanted to! Oh how she wanted to! How she wanted to glare and seethe!

But her heart just wasn’t quite as in it as it once had been. Weird.

Probably just because if she made a scene now they might take this very, very, soft and cushy option off the table. And that would be bad. It wasn’t that she wanted to be passed into Paul’s care - who would?! - it was just that it was better than Tartarus. Much cushier. Assuming he upped his food game.

Yeah. She bought that.

And quite what Celestia was basing this observation on was probably one of those things that’s only immediately obvious to someone who’s been alive a very long time.

Paul was busy sputtering.

“Role model?! No, no, no role model! I am warning! Warning!” He said, rapping a finger against his chest loudly.

“Yeah he’s not that great,” Cozy said.

Apparently once she’d screamed herself hoarse and exhausted the gag had vanished, and she was now back to hanging partway through the bars, languidly. Paul pointed over at her.

“See? Child knows,” he said.

“Should see what he calls dinner…”

“Not the time, child!”

“He snores, too.”

Paul turned, outraged.

“Me? Me snore! Should hear yourself, child! Sawing logs! Tiny child, such noise! Some nights I worry they hear us from miles!”

Cozy’s turn to be outraged.

“That’s not true!”

This likely would have kept going had the pair of them not found themselves gagged again, Paul’s attention once against gently but firmly back towards Celestia.

“Are you truly committed to seeing that Cozy Glow receive a second chance?” She asked, and Paul’s gag vanished again.

“I - well - yes - but - in principle, yes! But idea is bad idea! Bad plan! Not good! Someone else! Anyone else! Horse! Find horse! Any horse! Any horse better than me! Parents! Child must have parents, yes? Find parents!”

Everyone present chose to ignore this last part, or just didn’t hear it. Certainly, no comment was drawn to it. Just glossed over completely. Kind of weird, actually.

“It is unlikely that we would be able to find anypony else willing, and it is equally unlikely we would find anypony as able,” Celestia said.

Again, what she was basing this on was very unclear.

“But - but - no - bad!” Paul stammered.

The sheer profusion of reasons why it wasn’t good was so overwhelming he couldn’t quite order his thoughts. Him? Him?! Looking after a child?! Were they insane? Had they not seen him?

“Tartarus remains my preferred option,” Luna said. Paul glared at her.

“That is it? Me, or hole in ground?” He asked.

“To put it bluntly, yes,” said Celestia.

Again, he couldn’t quite wrap his head around what was happening.

“No! But! No! It! I - I am just some stranger! Could be dangerous! Not even horse!” He protested.

“You were willing to be imprisoned for Cozy’s sake, and you seem to have managed well enough with her until now,” Celestia pointed out.

Cozy was still alive, so Paul couldn’t really dispute that. His standards weren’t very high.

He decided to take a different tack, gesturing wildly off to the side.

“I have home! Far away from here! Far away! Cannot make me move!”

“We could move your house, if you wanted.”

Logistically only mildly difficult. They did, after all, have magic.

Paul was momentarily lost for words. How could they still be serious?

“That - that is not better! Still bad! Principle! Cannot ask me to move! Cannot make me! I am free man now! Cannot just tell what to do! Just for - just - ”

His eyes kept slipping over to Cozy, in her cage, and he kept thinking of how, if he didn’t, she’d be staying in that cage. Worse, staying in that cage underground, somewhere where the light couldn’t find her. Until when? No-one had seemed to even mention that yet. The implication - Paul at least - seemed to be that there wasn’t a when.

They’d fucking trapped him again. Fucking people in charge. They always did this! Always!

Agreeably never...emotionally blackmailing him into looking after a child before, that much he could admit was new. Normally they just told him to build something lethal with the implication being that if he didn’t they’d break some part of him that wasn’t vital for working. But still! It was still the same!

And those fucking Princess horses just kept staring at him! He snarled, threw his arms up.

“This is no way to run a country! You are all mad!”

“I do not wish to rush you, Paul, but this is a time-sensitive decision,” Celestia said.

He glared at her. He glared at the other two. He glared at the guards. He glared over at Cozy but couldn’t hold it on her because she was there, hanging off the bars of her cage, eyes huge, expectant, hoping…

“_{Fucking cunning horse giving me the big eyes, tricky fucking kid why not just slit my throat now.} Fine. Hmph. Fine! Yes! I will do your plan. What choice do I have? You fucking bastard horses! Stupid plan. I will do it,” he grunted.

If nothing else, Paul trusted himself more at keeping an eye on Cozy than any of these idiots. He wasn’t happy about it, but he was taking what he could get.

“Should anything happen that looks to be even remotely related to Cozy Glow, we shall be holding you personally responsible,” Luna said, sternly. Paul shrugged. This stipulation wasn’t a huge surprise and he wasn’t especially intimidated.

“Sounds about right. Shoot me now. Save time,” he said.

“Hey!” Cozy piped up. He turned her way.

“I’m not repudiating you, Cozy, I’m just saying that was a bad thing for them to do! Making me responsible! This is what I was talking about! People in charge! Fuckers! Fuckers the lot of them! _{Shit I’m swearing at her again said I wouldn’t do that...}”

“Oh. Repudiating is the telling off one, isn’t it? So you don’t think I’ll do anything bad?” She asked, brightly, ignoring most of the rest of what he’d said. Paul frowned at her.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he said, head getting tilted back Celestia’s way a moment later.

“Paul. Language,” she said softly.

“I would show you language, horse, if I could swear in horse-tongue,” he growled.

“...I don’t know what to say to that,” she said.

She really didn’t.

And for all of Cozy’s brightness and bluster here, internally she was utterly unsettled. None of what had just happened made a whole lot of sense. She couldn’t quite fit it together. The bits and pieces were there, in her head, but scattered, jumbled, and she couldn’t make them work. Not yet at least.

The general idea though seemed to be seeping through. Something about having someone who’d prefer to see a world with her in it than a world with her out of it, and a world where she was happy or trying to find out how to be happy rather than one where she did something that made no-one happy, not even herself.

This confused her and made no sense, sure. In the abstract she could kind of picture it, but much the same way one can picture something and not make heads or tails of it. And still it sat there in her head. Kind of warm. Kind of confusing. Impossible to shift.

Threw all her normal, other thoughts severely out of whack, that was for sure. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how to plot revenge now! She kept hitting a block of how Paul would just be there, shaking his head at her and it all fell apart! And for some reason she cared about that!

What was that about?!

Well, at least she had time now to properly pick at it. She was sure, given time, she’d work it out and be right back on track! Everything ticking along just as it was supposed to!

...eventually. No need to rush it, right?

She could probably afford to take her time. Yeah! Yeah. Where was the harm in that?

“Now Paul, are you absolutely sure you want to do this?” Celestia asked. Paul set his jaw.

“Do not want to do, have to do. Apparently,” he said.

“You should not feel you have-” Celestia started but Paul raised his hands and cut her off:

“Is done! Done! Said yes!”

She was starting to get a little annoyed at him doing that. Not that she let this show, of course. She’d lived long enough to simply glide over such things.

“As you say. Very well. Starting now, Cozy Glow is in your charge.”

Nothing signed, apparently nothing else needing to be done, just a decree. Yep, sounded right to Paul. Crowns, fucking crowns. This at least felt familiar, in theory if not in the full details.

“Hoo-ray,” he said through his teeth, rubbing his wrists as a quick flash of gold unlocked his manacles and sent them clattering to the floor by his feet.

Celestia gave a nod to those guards standing around Cozy’s cage and, though they clearly looked as though they doubted the wisdom of this decision, they did as was implied and unlocked it.

“Watch her,” Luna said sternly, eyeing the guards who all braced for action.

Unconcerned about this or about everypony (not everyone) in the room glaring daggers at her Cozy burst from the now-open cage, took to the air, pulled off a loop or two and then, once directly above Paul, dropped like a stone.

“Catch me!” She shouted.

He did, much against his better judgement, sticking out his arms into which Cozy promptly fell.

“Whee! You caught me!” She said happily, nuzzling into him. Paul grimaced.

“You are pushing your luck,” he said, eyes darting around. He for one was concerned that everyone was watching him. They’d think he was soft! Cozy stopped nuzzling, stuck her tongue out and leaned away from him, prodding him in the chest with a hoof.

“And you need a shower!” She said.

Paul sighed.

“I have made dreadful mistake.”

Celestia actually managed a small smile from seeing that (though she was alone in this) and turned about, the other two silently following suit. Paul got the idea he was meant to follow and - grumpily, still holding Cozy - did so.

“Come, we shall discuss the details. Now are you sure you’d like us to bring your home? It is eminently possible, but are you sure you would not prefer something more bespoke?” Celestia asked. Paul bristled at such a question.

“Is my house! Yes! Bring shed too. Shed important,” he said.

It wasn’t, he was just grumpy and wanted to make everyone’s life as difficult as possible. Celestia was entirely unruffled, simply taking this detail onboard with a small nod.

“We can accommodate that,” she said.

Cozy wriggled about happily. Not even pretending this time! She was happy!

Because...because…

...because she’d got away with it! Yes! Yes that was the one!

Had to be.

“Yay! House! You fooled them good, Paul! Can I get a bed in my room when they drag it down here? Ooh! Can I decorate my room? Can you help me paint it? We’re gonna have so much fun!” She said, all four legs flailing in delight.

Paul was less thrilled.

“Keep this up, Cozy, and you won’t live to see thirteen.”

“Um, he just threatened to kill me,” Cozy said, waving a hoof like someone waving a hand to attract attention.

“Please don’t threaten to kill children, Paul, even the misbehaving ones,” Celestia said, beatifically.

Paul growled, looked down at the child now curled up in his arms, her eyes closed, told himself that whatever weird, squishy feelings he was feeling were just lying figments of his imagination that she wanted there and muttered:

“Should have gone for reward...”

Well that happened.

Likely could have happened better, mind.