Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DS7n51cuXI-DT35bMyr7y4b8ynYtonSoDmk6Xq6z-E0/edit

Cadance = Passion
Twilight = Reason
Spike = Pride
Taya = Hope
Moonie = Love
Kat = Pain
Blaze = Rage
Luna = Fear

I wanted to get through this coma, but it turns out this story is kinda long. Who knew writing a summary/recap would take this long?

We ended up in Africa, somewhat unsurprisingly. In front of us was a massive graveyard full of freshly dug plots and sobbing zebras. Several were covered in bandages. Behind us was the village, which seemed mostly deserted.

“That’s a whole lotta graves,” Taya said.

“Yeah, they didn’t want Pertz to go,” I replied, rubbing the back of my neck. “But we weren’t interested in taking no for an answer, so here we are.”

“So, what, do you feel guilty about it or something?” Taya asked.

“Not as far as I know,” I said with a shrug. “He got what was coming to him. The villagers allowed themselves to be swayed by him and then helped him do all kinds of evil shit, so as far as I’m concerned, they’re just as guilty. I did fuck up while we were there, though. I let my heart get the better of me.”

“Is that really so bad?” Pride asked.

“It got us knocked out of the air, so yes,” I said. “I should have just let Zecora kill her sister.”

“That would have been the smart thing,” Reason said.

“Why was Zecora trying to kill her sister?” Taya asked.

“Zecora’s sister was the evil witch doctor lady,” I said. “Turns out, she was a complete cunt. When the two of them dueled, I asked Zecora to spare her because I didn’t want to see family killing family. The bitch repaid us by building another evil mask and then attacking us as we ran.”

“And then the water elementals had to save their lady in distress,” Fear said with a giggle.

“Yeah, they sure are troopers. So, do we have any memories associated with this one?”

“We do,” Reason said. “Are you ready?”

“Yep.” She reached up to poke us and we went off on our next adventure.

We appeared in front of Watcher and Sentinel. They were sitting in the middle of a very misty forest. Given how close they were, I figured they were probably actually in his cabin on the ship and the tree thing was acting up again. “So I take it talks broke down,” Watcher said.

“There was never a chance we could have talked Pertz down,” Sentinel said. “He was keeping ponies as prisoners. He’s insane.”

“What’s your take on the village?”

“After seeing their soldiers, their fervor, and the number of prisoners they had, it’s obvious they were a destabilizing force on the region. Our actions have fairly well depopulated it. With Pertz gone, the faith the zebras felt will hopefully fade away and they’ll go back to a life of peace.”

“Oh, I highly doubt that,” Watcher said. “How many do you think we killed or heavily injured?”

“Enough that they won’t have enough warriors to launch any more attacks for a while,” Sentinel said.

“So, enough that they won’t be able to defend against any attacks. What do you think is going to happen when all the villages around here learn that Pertz is gone? My bits are on them seeking revenge. I’d be surprised if that village lasts long, if we really did manage that much damage.”

“Oh, we did,” Sentinel said with a grim smile. “Nav has put together quite the lethal team. Zecora’s potions were quite useful. It sure is a shame she’ll be leaving…” She probably thought she hid all the smugness in her voice, but I picked up on it.

“What makes you think that?” Watcher asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“Well, her curse is gone and we helped her deal with Pertz. Why else would she stay?”

“...Because we helped her cure her curse and deal with Pertz?” Watcher slowly said. Sentinel’s ears twitched. “She’s already decided to stay with us for a while.”

“Oh.”

“So how did our human conduct himself?” Watcher asked. “Do you have more complaints this time?”

“He was much more abrasive with Pertz than I was comfortable with. But as I said, we all knew we weren’t leaving without a fight, so I understand why. He adapted well when things went haywire and managed to lead us out of what by all rights could have been a suicide mission. I thought he would be more protective of Applejack and Spike, but he didn’t hesitate to use either.”

“Unexpected praise, coming from you. Did something in particular happen?”

“...He reacted faster than I did to a lot of what we encountered. Not only that, but he led us all out and allowed us to rescue the prisoners. Navarone is an acceptable combat commander.”

“Combat commander. Not leader in general?”

“He’s too openly slutty. I don’t care what he does privately, but when he brags about it, it becomes problematic for everyone. He’s also generally antagonistic. He acts like he’s apathetic, but I’m pretty sure it’s just an act.”

“Yes, some of his behaviors are worrying. But as you said, he’s quite the acceptable combat leader. For now, that’s enough. Although I have a feeling if he manages to upset Celestia any more, he’ll find himself with a noble title.”

“And here we were trying to help Celestia,” Sentinel said. “Maybe we should have been making her mad!”

“Only if you were also having sex with her. She can’t punish Nav by executing him or giving him to the changelings, so she gives him more power and acclaim since he hates it.”

“Not gonna lie… I’d absolutely do it with the princess.”

“There isn’t a pony alive who wouldn’t praise the sun given the chance,” Watcher said. “Unfortunately, she has a thing for predators.”

“Or monkeys. I guess there’s no accounting for taste.”

“Speak for yourself,” Watcher said with a little grin. “If Nav would just get over himself and accept that he’s a she, I might be willing to help break that body in…”

“Ugh, not you too! I figured you would be more interested in… you know, mares!”

“There’s nothing wrong with a cute shapely mare, of course,” Watcher said. “But I mean, Nav’s unique. It would be worth the sex for that alone! You’ve been all over the place now, Sentinel. Don’t tell me you haven’t been interested in trying out a few other races?”

“...I’m looking for something more than just fun. And I already have a target in mind. It’s only a matter of time before he’s mine.”

“As Nav would say, cool beans. Do you have anything else to report?”

“Pertz was doing some manner of forbidden magic. We’ll need to make sure he’s incapacitated on the return trip.”

“Already taken care of,” Watcher said with a nod. “He’s wearing Nav’s anti-magic ring as an earring and there are a few water elementals inside of him to maintain control on the trip.”

“Excellent. Zecora and her sister the demon worshipper both also used forbidden magic.”

“That’s fine,” Watcher said. “Her sister is dead anyway.”

“...And Zecora?” Sentinel slowly said. “Shouldn’t we arrest her?”

“Why? We don’t work for Celestia anymore. And even if we did, everyone on this ship is sanctioned by her anyway. It doesn’t matter what manner of illegal skills anyone here possesses. At the moment, we all have passes to do as we must to protect Equestria. Part of that is following Celestia’s orders to apprehend dangerous criminals like Pertz. It doesn’t matter how Zecora follows the order as long as it gets done.”

Sentinel stared at him silently for a few long, awkward seconds before sniffing. “You leap to defend her, of course.”

“And you leap to throw a friend and ally under the bus. That isn’t like you. Did something happen between you two while you were down there?”

“...No. And I have nothing more to report.” Her horn lit up and she teleported off before Watcher could say anything else.

He rolled his eyes and fell into the bed. “Ugh, mares…”

“Tell me about it,” I said as the memory faded. “Taya, Sentinel has a huge crush on Watcher.”

“Yeah, I know,” Taya said. “She’s pretty obvious about it. I wouldn’t be surprised if Watcher knows, too.”

“He does, but that’s not important. So what’s the takeaway here?”

“Just about everyone in your crew had the same few complaints,” Fear said. “And it’s something you knew was a problem, too. Why did you let it go unsolved for so long?”

“Because I was so depressed that I couldn’t make myself care. I hated myself so much that I figured it was only a matter of time before everyone else hated me just as much, so I didn’t make any attempts to stop the behavior that would lead to it.”

“That’s really sad,” Taya said, jumping up to hug me. “And you never told me any of this!”

“I didn’t want to burden you. But it’s not like you ever talk to me about your problems, so you can’t talk.”

“That’s because you always act all weird and disturbed when I do!” Taya said. “Flo told me the only reason you asked about my parents is because she forced you!”

“Yep. I’m bad at being a person. Being forced to see how much some people seem to care about me has helped me realize that I can’t be a completely terrible person forever. Especially now that I’m actually starting to feel ambition for the first time. When I get out, I intend to better myself in a lot of ways. Part of that will be dealing with complaints like Sentinel’s.”

“Good,” Pride said. “Another thing you might want to note is that Sentinel was trying to get Zecora off the ship. You need to be wary of things like that.”

“I think I’ll tell Watcher to have a talk with Sentinel,” I said. “Maybe he can explain to her that it’s not gonna happen and that she needs to move on. I don’t need people trying to backstab others on my ship. And he doesn’t need to keep leading her along when he knows nothing’s gonna happen.” Taya very loudly coughed. “You alright over there, honey?”

“Oh come on, are you seriously telling me you can’t see you’re doing the same thing to a few of your toys?” Taya asked. “You knew there was probably never a chance for Gilda, and yet you made her your pet for a week or two straight!”

“That’s because she’s so much fun to have sex with. She makes such cute noises! But when I make my choice, that won’t be an issue anymore.”

“Good,” Taya said with a nod. “So what’s up next?”

“Hey, this is my coma!” I said. She lifted an eyebrow. “So what’s up next?”

“Another memory,” Pride said. “You ready?”

“I am,” I said with a nod. He reached out and grabbed me by the pussy. Taya just got poked on the nose. I wanted to comment about how unfair that was, but we vanished before I could.

This time, we appeared in a fairly nice restaurant. I had no idea where we were, but the table directly in front of us was taken up by Sentinel’s squad, Applejack, and Zecora. Applejack had a faraway look in her eyes.

“So if Sentinel hated Zecora so much, why are they out together?” Taya asked. “And why didn’t they invite me?”

“Do you know when this was?” I asked.

“When the ship was getting repaired,” Taya said. “I recognize the restaurant. I guess you were fighting demons at the time.”

“I was probably recuperating from fighting demons. Either that or almost getting assassinated. So let’s see what this one is about.” We both shut up and let the scene begin.

“That was quite the dicey mission,” Sentinel said with a large grin. “Working with Nav is more fun than working for the princess!”

“When did you start liking danger?” Onyx asked. He was the earth pony in her squad.

“Since we started working with predators,” Sentinel said. “I had my doubts at first, but having Spike, Nav, Kat, and the naga at our side made it a blast!”

“That isn’t quite the word I would use,” Zecora said. She definitely wasn’t smiling. To be fair, they were talking about massacring her village, so I could understand that. “That we all came through unscathed is a blessing.”

“Yeah, those friends of yours were crazy,” Sentinel said.

Zecora’s lips tightened very slightly. “They were no friends of mine. It was my village once, but they cast me out and turned to darkness.”

“Are you alright, Applejack?” Dense Fog asked. That was the pegasus in their squad. “You’ve been staring off into space since we got here.”

Applejack blinked and looked up. “Sorry, I…”

“She’s been staring off into space longer than that,” Zecora said. “It weighs on your mind, does it not?”

“I… can’t get it outta my head,” Applejack quietly said, looking down again. “I’m used to bucking trees, not… ponies… I don’t think I’ll ever forget the feelings of my hooves pounding somepony into mush…”

“Nope, you sure don’t,” Sentinel said. “You do stop thinking about it after a while, though.”

“That’s what… Nav said, too,” Applejack said.

“We were kinda wondering… why’d you agree to fight, anyway?” Onyx asked. “You’re way too cute to be risking your life!”

Sentinel kicked him for that, of course. “What about me?!”

“You’re too violent to be cute,” Onyx said, rubbing the area where she kicked him. “Plus, you don’t have freckles.”

“F-freckles ain’t c-cute!” Applejack said, almost instantly blushing.

“See there?” he said. “Look how they stand out against her blush. Isn’t it just adorable? Wouldn’t you rather stay on the ship where it’s safe?”

“I ain’t gonna sit around the ship, twiddling my hooves, while everypony else is risking their lives,” Applejack said. “And it’s better that I go than any of the rest of my friends.”

“I can agree with that,” Sentinel said. “Rainbow Dash might be good in a fight, if she could keep her head on straight. But as for the rest of your friends… I’d rather they stay on the ship. But still, he’s right. There’s fifteen soldiers here. If you don’t like fighting, let us do it for you. We’re all experienced and none of us mind killing.”

“I told Nav I would do it. I ain’t gonna go back on my word,” Applejack replied. “Even if… even if it don’t feel right.

“That’s dumb,” Dense Fog said. “Just tell Nav how you feel. You won’t have to go back on your word because he’ll just tell you not to worry about it anymore.”

“...He already offered to stop using me,” Applejack quietly replied. “But I have a feeling that if I don’t volunteer, he’ll use Rainbow Dash whenever he needs a normal-looking pony. I don’t want her to have to go through… any of that.”

“Nah, he couldn’t use Dash for that,” Onyx said. “He needs a normal-looking pony, not one who stands out more than a night guard. How long does it even take her to dye that?”

“It’s natural, surprisingly,” Applejack said. “She kicked Nav when he asked the same question.”

“It isn’t wise to force yourself to do something,” Zecora said. “If you feel misgivings about taking part in battle, it would be safer to sit it out. For both you and for those who depend on you.”

“I ain’t never gonna let no one down, I can guarantee that,” Applejack quickly replied, finally looking up. Her eyes looked harder than usual. “I may not like… fighting, but that ain’t gonna stop me. Nav forced himself to do it in the beginning and look where he is now! It can’t be that bad!”

“What, are you kidding?” Sentinel said. “I’ve seen better adjusted ponies in the psych ward. Hay, I’ve sent better adjusted ponies to Tartarus!” She suddenly froze, then blinked. “Wait, did you say he forced himself to fight?”

“Well… The princess forced him to,” Applejack said. “From what he told us, she told him he could either follow her orders and go to Egypt or he could go to prison for life. There were several times when she did that to him.”

“Yeah, that sounds like Celestia,” Dense Fog said. “Isn’t that the deal you got, Sentinel?”

“It sure was,” she said with a nod. “I was a bandit before, though. I guess Nav was doing something just as bad?”

“Nope,” Applejack said, shaking her head. “Twilight accidentally summoned him here from the past, tearing him away from his life, friends, and family. He was just living in Ponyville and minding his own business. Luna eventually took a liking to him and introduced him to Celestia. Apparently she also took a liking to him. I honestly don’t know too much. I… didn’t spend too much time with him.”

“Understandable,” Sentinel said with a nod. “But still… I kinda wonder what he was like before the two sisters did all that to him…”

“He usually tried to be nice, but it was obvious he wasn’t happy,” Applejack said. “He also lied a whole lot. I still don’t know his real name. I… don’t think he had the best upbringing. But it ain’t fair to talk about somepony who ain’t around. You wanna know about Nav, ask him.”

“I have,” Zecora said. “He didn’t tell me much.”

“So did I,” Onyx said. “He proceeded to list off all the royalty he’s had sex with. I was three-quarters impressed, one quarter grossed out.”

“It’s time we wrote a bestiary for Nav,” Zecora said with a nod. “I think enough ponies out there are interested in him that it would make some decent money…”

“Isn’t Twilight already working on that?” Fog asked. “She’s been sharing her notes with the crew and they’re quite, um… thorough.”

“That’s Nav in a pony body,” Applejack said. “Besides, describing how sexy his orgasms are has nothing to do with Nav as a person. It uh… does make for some interesting reading, though…”

“I’ll say,” Taya whispered with a giggle. I thumped her ear. I thought the purpose of using a pen name was nobody finding out! Also, I thought she was writing guides for BDSM, not literal smut.

“Anyway, back to the main point,” Onyx said. “You’re definitely pretty enough to protect. Why would you wanna fight?”

“I already answered that,” Applejack said. “I’m gonna keep to what I said. If Nav needs me, I’ll go, end of story. And if you keep up with calling me pretty and cute, I’m letting you get my tab.”

“Only if I get to call it a date,” he replied with a grin. The memory turned gray and faded away before we could hear her answer.

“Alright, I see a few possible takeaways here,” I said. “Maybe letting Twilight write those books was a bad idea.”

“No way!” Taya said.

“There’s zero chance Twilight gave you a copy of those books,” I said, crossing my arms.

“Of course not,” Taya said. “I bought them.”

“Wait, the people at the bookstore sold those books to a filly?”

“Nope,” she said. “They sold them to the giant hulking naga who barely fit through their door. I just told him which ones to get.”

“And Ames just bought you smut without batting an eye?” I slowly asked.

“I use him to buy a lot of things,” Taya said. “Do you really want to keep asking questions about this, mommy? You’re probably gonna hear some things you might not want to.”

“Alright, you know what, fine,” I said. “I guess it’s time to ask the question. You said earlier you would be fine with me using the elementals to shape your mind however I wanted, right? So would you mind if I just used them to erase this crush? I find it creepy, everyone around us finds it disturbing, and if we were more in the public eye, it would cross over into unacceptable.”

“I can’t believe it took you this long to ask. Go for it, mommy! I want you to love me, not find me creepy! So feel free to use the elemental you enslaved to kill all the parts of your loving, adorable little filly that you hate until she’s your perfect little angel.”

“You hear that, Flo? You have her permission. I guess we’re kinda stuck in time at the moment, so I’m not sure if they can really interject, but we can get to it later if not.”

“Are you sure this is wise?” Reason asked.

“You were the one who was advocating for a little bit of mind control earlier, weren’t you?” I asked. “Taya already knew I was considering it before I entered the coma, although I decided against it in the end. But if she’s cool with it and she’s having this much trouble holding it in, we need to handle it before it becomes a problem. This way, she can look outward for that kind of relationship instead of trying to turn to me.”

Taya scoffed. “I think we already established that nobody but another immortal would ever be interested in me.”

“That’s quitter talk,” I said. “Although long-term relationships with a mortal wouldn’t be advisable for a lot of reasons, unless you’re doing it for a good enough reason.”

“Wait, what happens if you married Gilda and she died of old age?” Taya asked. “Would you still be royalty?”

“Probably not, but she was talking about making the same potion you did. If she does, that wouldn’t be an issue anymore. So, back to takeaways. I shouldn’t have asked Applejack to fight.”

“Why did you?” Taya asked. “You had plenty of soldiers. Why bring her?”

“Because I wasn’t sure how we’d be received,” I said. “All of the night ponies were scary and we had a few predators, so I wanted someone who looked relatively normal. It ended up not mattering. As Sentinel said, Pertz was insane and there was no reasoning with him. We’d have been just as well off leveling the village from afar using the siege weapons on the ship, especially since Celestia turned around and killed Pertz when we got back.”

“You’re getting good at these,” Fear said. “How’s it feel to finally have your eyes opened to your failings?”

“My eyes have always been wide open to my failings,” I said. “That’s all I ever seem to see in my mind, which is why I hate myself so much. This coma is helping me see the good in me, of which there happens to be little. But if you’re gonna be passive-aggressive about it, I’ll let you do your jobs. Please tell me where I erred, ghosts of Christmas spirit.”

“Everyone wants to know more about you,” Pride said. “Yet you refuse to tell even your filly a thing. At the moment, Twilight is one of the few you’ve actually said anything to. You have happy memories, Nav. What’s the harm in sharing them?”

“I’ve always wanted to know more about you,” Taya said. “About your family and where you came from. I know it’s not all good, but I don’t care. I wanna know anyway!”

“When it comes to talking about myself, my mind usually blanks,” I said. “A lot of what does come up is usually unpleasant, since that’s what’s most prominent. But you’re right, I’ve been too clammed up for too long. I already planned to do an interview with some kind of newspaper or something when I get out. I guess I can also start telling more people about the less shitty parts of my past.”

“You’re telling me the shitty parts, too,” Taya said.

“If you say so,” I replied, tousling her mane. “What do you think about an interview, Fear?”

“I think it’s a great way to take advantage of that stage fright of yours,” Fear said with a big smile. “Don’t worry, you’ll definitely say a bunch of things they can take out of context to make you seem like a sex-obsessed monster!”

“Taya, you want to roll the dice of fate?” I asked.

“Uh… What does that mean?” she slowly asked.

“I want to kill Fear before we get out. What do you think?” As I expected, Fear didn’t react at all to the news.

“Didn’t you say there were repercussions for that?” Taya asked. “What might that do to you?”

“Make me fearless, duh.”

Another Flo appeared. She had a very disapproving look on her face. “You told us both to stay out of it and I was willing to do that up until now. But Nav, you can’t just kill a part of you!”

“Sure I can. That is, if they’re telling the truth.”

Flo slid over and grabbed me by the shoulders so she could loom over me like a bully. “One of your biggest faults is how short-sighted you can be! Think, Nav! If you’re not afraid of being wrong anymore, you’ll stop listening to the advice of anyone and turn into another Celestia! You also won’t be afraid to put lives at stake to accomplish your goals. Your fear and hesitation are part of what makes you a good leader.”

“I think it would be neat, but I gotta agree with her,” Taya said. “I want you to be more emotional, not less. I do like the idea of my mommy being completely fearless and the thought of killing your internal sense of fear sounds really cool, but also kinda dumb. I mean, I’m sure there are all kinds of consequences we wouldn’t be able to think about even if we took a couple of weeks to do it.”

“Think how beneficial that could be to someone like Discord,” Flo said. “I guarantee he can find a way to take advantage of the fact that you can’t feel fear.”

“He can also take advantage of the fact that I can feel fear. At this point, I’m already not really afraid of him. Now that I know he’s not going to kill me, he’s mostly just really annoying. Although I am absolutely afraid of marrying him and I would infinitely rather die than let that happen.”

“Mommy, don’t be dumb, you’re better than that,” Taya said.

“Fine, I won’t be a total baller and literally kill my sense of fear,” I said, rolling my eyes. “So, Flo, while you’re here, you mind doing a little snip snip with my filly?”

“Yes, I would mind that very much. You seem to swing from liking mind control to not liking it quite a lot.”

“I guess it depends on its application. If it’s turning somebody into something they don’t want to be and that someone happens to be a person I care about, then I don’t really like it. But if it’s helping them be a more healthy person and they’re either being a shitbag like Celestia or having trouble changing like Taya, I don’t see any reason not to use it. I mean, Taya’s cool with it, I’m cool with it, so I don’t see the big deal.”

“And you see nothing wrong with mind controlling your filly?” Fear asked.

“I just answered that question,” I said. “In this context, sure. Besides, Flo, you did things to Kat and Fluttershy. Why’s Taya any different? She’s even asking for it! Wasn’t your excuse before that it was for my benefit? Well, this would also be for my benefit.”

“Nav, she’s your filly,” Flo said.

“Fine,” I said. “You’re the one that’s actually in her head right now. What do you think the solution to her crush is?” She stared at me in silence for a few seconds. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. I can’t make someone fall out of love. You can, though. It would remove the pain from both me and Taya. Isn’t that a kindness?”

“Just because we cannot currently think of a solution doesn’t mean we should take the first immediate option,” Flo said. “Especially when it’s a deplorable option. Justifying evil little by little is what Celestia did. I would not have you turn down the same path.”

“Fine, Jesus. Do you have anything else you want to ruin while you’re at it? Maybe tell me that Snape kills Dumbledore or something?”

“HE DOES WHAT?!” Taya shouted, making me flinch.

“Oh, way to go,” Flo said, rolling her eyes. “Did you forget we translated that series, too?”

“Did you really spoil it for me?!” Taya demanded.

“You’ll have to read it to find out,” I said. “Maybe I was joking. Now, can we keep moving or what?”

“I will allow it, if you answer one question,” Flo said. “Why won’t you let me participate? You’ve come to a lot of… interesting conclusions. I feel like I could help focus your thoughts and act as a rational counterpart to the spirits.”

“Are you saying we’re not rational?” Reason asked.

“I’m saying that you’re designed to fit a role, not to be a complete person,” Flo replied.

“Well, what makes you think Nav is even any different?” Reason asked. “Maybe part of why she’s so fucked up is because Discord made her that way. He wanted a chaotic agent, so maybe he did something to Nav’s head before releasing her.”

“Another reason it might be useful to have me here is because I can identify when something these things say is one of your secret inner fears,” Flo said. “You worry that Discord doomed you to fail in some way, that you’re being reborn over and over just to suffer and die at his whim with no chance at all of success.”

“Yeah, I’m acutely aware of all of that,” I said. “I don’t really need you around to point it out. The answer to why I don’t want you here with me is that I’m tired of being told what to do and what to think by people who are eternally old. You can offer your input on things later. For now, I’d like to do this with my filly.”

“...So you don’t trust me,” she slowly replied, turning very blue.

“Your words, not mine,” I said, poking her on the nose. “I can just as easily turn it around and say that you’re guilt-tripping me. So chillax, fam. I got this shit on lock.”

Flo sighed, picked me up, and hugged me. It honestly felt a little demeaning, but I bore it for her sake. “I never knew raising a human would be this hard,” she whispered into my hair.

“Yeah, now you know why my parents didn’t bother,” I said.

She gently set me down and patted my head. “It’s okay, though. I love you regardless.” Her watery form seemed to grow a few inches so she could loom over me with a strange grin. “And I always will.” With that, she darted in to kiss me on the forehead. Before I could do anything, she vanished.

“Alright, let’s get back to it,” I said. “I think we were talking about how using Applejack as a soldier wasn’t a good idea.”

“We were,” Fear said. “Before that hussy rudely interjected to save me. You put Applejack in a position where she had to kill.”

“Sorta. Celestia forced Applejack to stay on the ship with everyone. Applejack chose to work with the soldiers knowing that she might have to fight. It was definitely me who made the decision to bring her on the trip, but I had her consent to do it. I don’t like that she’s suffering, but I don’t really feel guilty because of it.”

“Of course not,” Pride said. “Why would you? She played her role as a soldier and helped bring you a ton of glory in Canterlot. Bringing in Pertz was enough to elevate you to the nobility, wasn’t it?”

“That has nothing to do with it, although all of that is true,” I said. “Anyway, I don’t intend to use her again, not unless I don’t have a choice. With Celestia on my side, I can get as many soldiers as I want.”

“Not on board the ship, though,” Taya said. “It’s kinda limited.”

“Assuming we keep using the same ship,” I said. “There’s nothing out there saying we can’t upgrade. There’s also nothing out there saying I can’t get more. I intend to do both. With the addition of teleportation circles, we can get reinforcements wherever we need. So, do we have other takeaways for this?”

“Just one,” Reason said. “And it’s something we’ve already touched on. All of the ponies are curious about you. Even members of your own crew didn’t know how you came to be in Equestria. Do the interview when you get out.”

“Got it. Then I guess let’s zoom on to the next bit.”

“As you wish,” Fear said.

Right after she said that, someone screamed. Taya and I jumped and spun around. I had kinda forgotten we were still in the zebra village, so I was surprised when I saw all the locals panicking. A large group of lions and gorillas were bearing down on them. Parts of the village were already burning.

“After you left, a few others paid the village a visit,” Reason said. “I had a feeling they didn’t want any survivors to continue spreading evil.”

“Or they wanted revenge,” Pride said. “They did have the lion king prisoner, after all.”

“Simba better count his blessings,” I said. “And it serves these assholes right.”

“You think the survivors deserved to be massacred?” Reason asked.

“I wouldn’t say they deserved it, but since they supposedly participated in their own share of massacres, I’d say it’s only fair. I also don’t really want to watch, so can we move on?”

“We can,” the guide said. “But only if you poke me on the nose, too!” I rolled my eyes and did so. “Thank you, I needed that.” Her eyes flashed and we finally took off.

We appeared in one of Canterlot’s many fancy buildings. Fleur was in a cute and fancy dress. Her face looked very determined. Blossom was trailing behind her and seemed a little worried. At the moment, they were briskly strolling down a hall. I sighed and hurried to follow.

“Are you sure about this?” Blossom whispered.

“Completely positive,” Fleur replied, not bothering to stay quiet. “What’s the point of having power and influence if you don’t swing it around when it counts? If Nav was as distraught as you said, it’s time we stepped in to help.”

“How can you be sure this won’t backfire?” Blossom hissed. “I’ve… I’ve never even heard about Nav actually telling somepony his problems. If trying to help goes wrong, he may never do it again!”

“Better to try something and fail than do nothing and watch our friend continue to suffer. Surely a part of you agrees, or else you wouldn’t have decided to tell me.” She finally reached the door she wanted and stopped. “If you aren’t sure, you can stay here. But I intend to rectify this immediately.”

“W-well… I did tell Nav I would help fix this… But are you sure barging in like this is the best way?”

“Yes. You’ve shown off your secret powers, Captain Blossom. Now it’s my turn to do the same.”

Without another word, she thrust the door open. The scene jumped and we were all in the room. It appeared to be a reporter’s office. A few newspapers with major headlines were pinned to the walls. One shelf contained nothing but broken typewriters. Another had tons of books. A yellow unicorn mare was sitting behind a desk, staring appraisingly at Fleur. Blossom no longer looked nervous, at least. Fleur had a very friendly grin on her face.

“This is quite the early visit, Lady Fleur and Captain Midnight,” the reporter said. “Do you have some kind of lead for me?”

“I actually had a few questions about an article you printed recently,” Fleur said. She glanced over at the wall where some papers were hanging and used magic to yank one down. “This one, specifically.” Sure enough, it was the article that told everyone I was a chick and had been wearing a buttplug while fighting demons. It also included a few blurred pictures of my unconscious and bleeding body.

“What kind of questions would require the captain of the guard?” the reporter asked.

“I’m off duty,” Blossom said with a toothy grin. “So for now, you can call me Midnight.”

“I think I’ll stick to captain. So what questions do you have, hm?”

“Why did you write it?” Fleur asked, still smiling ever-so-sweetly.

“Because it’s news,” the chick said with a huff. “Let me guess, your lover sent you here to quash the news and told her attack-pony to go with you to make sure it happens.”

“My… lover?”

The reporter’s horn lit up and another article pulled off the wall, this one showing Celestia molesting Fleur. “Yes, your lover. Celestia wouldn’t want any bad news going out about her favorite pet assassin, would she?” Oh, she’s one of those people.

“I believe you misunderstand,” Fleur said. “Nopony sent me. I’m here of my own volition, as is Midnight. We both just happen to be friends of Nav and are quite concerned with a few of the details covered here.”

“Then take it up with that human,” the reporter said. “We only print the truth here, so if you don’t like what’s there, blame her!”

“Does the concept of a private life ring a bell to you?” Blossom asked. “How could you just print this without permission?!”

“Easily,” the mare said with a nod. “Nav’s personally threatened to murder at least three of my reporters, and threatened to trump up charges to arrest a few more. So I don’t see any reason at all I shouldn’t print whatever I want about her, as long as I can prove it’s true.” For some reason, that made Taya giggle. “It doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that either of you would be friends with that cutthroat. Well, I’m not quashing the story!”

“Don’t be silly,” Fleur said. “Of course you’re quashing the story. Not only are you quashing it, but you’ll be helping us cover it up, too.”

The mare rolled her eyes. “You are now trespassing. Captain, I would like this mare removed.”

Blossom didn’t move, of course. “I dunno, I think we should hear her out,” she said.

“I’m glad you agree,” Fleur said. “Now, let me tell you why you’ll be obeying me. I know where every single bit of your funding comes from.” The mare’s ears dropped. “Captain, how serious of a crime is sedition?”

“That would be a life sentence in a changeling hive,” Blossom said. “Um. Where exactly does her money come from?”

“Why you see, that’s just the thing,” Fleur said. “She seems to be funded by all sorts of fun parties! It took all kinds of digging to find them all, but I knew I’d need the blackmail material eventually. Let’s see… She has sources of income among the deer, the griffins, a few of the dog groups, the minotaurs, and she used to have a changeling. All of them send income along with story and wording requests. Essentially, they’re paying her to churn out propaganda of all kinds, some of which is anti-Equestrian.”

“I… I’d like to see your proof,” the mare quietly said.

“Would you?” Fleur said. “Because if I bring that out, my friend here might have to get back on duty. Isn’t that right, Midnight?”

“I absolutely can’t ignore evidence of a crime,” Blossom said, flashing her fangs again. “But talk… Well, talk is just talk, isn’t it?”

“You really should choose your messengers more carefully,” Fleur said with a giggle. “It only took a few blowjobs and a hoofful of bits to get them to make copies of everything for me.”

“I can’t believe you’re just going to let her blackmail me!” the reporter yelled, glaring at Blossom.

“Would you prefer the alternative?” Fleur asked, taking a step closer. “Nav has told me stories about the changeling hives. Do you know what would happen to you if you were sentenced to one?”

“Blackmail is illegal!”

“And sedition is worse,” Fleur said. “The penalty matches. Let me describe your fate. You’ll be arrested immediately. Your trial will be swift and final. Your competitors will immediately take note and instantly destroy you in the press.” The mare’s head sank to the table. “Your life will be over, your business will be gone, your name will be ruined, and that will only be the start. Once you arrive at the changeling hive, you’ll be force-fed love poison, which will make you the obedient slave of the first changeling you look at. They’ll tell you that they want you to be their pet. Your mind will alter and you’ll essentially act as their pet.” The poor reporter began to cry. “Since you’re still young and relatively attractive, you’ll almost definitely be sent to feed the drones. None of them are intelligent at all and only deal in base instincts. An important thing to note is that changelings can lay eggs in ponies, so sex with pets is not only allowed, but encouraged. You’ll be fed on and bred by mindless drones over and over and beg for more each time. That is your fate if you disobey me, Clementine. So, how about we get started on your new story, shall we? I think it should highlight Nav’s epic fight against the demons. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

“It sounds much better to me,” Blossom said. “How about it, Clem? Would you like to press blackmail charges and end up in a hive… or would you like to let talk be talk and help us write a better story?”

“I’ll… I’ll do it,” the mare meekly replied, still crying.

“That’s a good filly,” Fleur said, still grinning. “Don’t you cry, silly. We’ll help you clean up your mess and turn it into a much nicer story!” For some reason, that only made her cry harder. And that was the end of the memory.

“That was kinda hot,” I said. “But also a little scary.”

“Did you really threaten to murder them?” Taya asked.

“I dunno, probably?”

“You did,” Rage said. “And they deserved it, too.”

“So what’s the context for this one?” Taya asked. “I couldn’t get a good look at the article Fleur was trying to censor.”

“After my last fight, I got my wing cut off,” I said. “When the fight was over, Flo let me pass out. There wasn’t a medical tent up and they needed to look for other injuries, so they stripped me. There also happened to be a large crowd around. This was before everyone knew I was a chick, so that was a surprise to a lot of people. They also saw a few other things I would have preferred not seen.”

“What was Blossom saying about you telling her your problems?”

“Oh. When she told me about the article, I was upset. She pressed me for why and I sorta ranted at her. I knew she and Fleur handled it, but I didn’t know how.”

“Wait, so you’ll rant at Blossom about your problems, but not your own filly?!” Taya demanded.

“Yeah. Adults are supposed to seek help from their friends. They aren’t supposed to seek help from their fillies. I need to shelter and insulate you from my problems so you can be a happy, bubbly little filly.”

“What, are you kidding?” Taya asked.

“I’m only being slightly sarcastic. I wouldn’t feel right burdening you with everything. Blossom just happened to be in the right place at the right time while being at the perfect adorable level.”

“Or Flo made you do it,” Pain said. “That’s also possible.”

“Maybe. But I still think it was the right thing to do.”

“If Flo made you think that, of course you would,” Rage said.

“So what you’re saying is that I’m not adorable enough yet?” Taya slowly asked.

“I’m sorry, but you can’t really beat vampires,” I said with a shrug. “You’re a close enough second, at least. What I’m saying is that I don’t want to burden you.”

“...Why not?” Taya asked. “I became your eternafilly so I could help you with your burdens!”

“And there will be times when you do. But there are some other things you aren’t well-suited to handle. If I came to you for this problem, you would have just gone in and threatened to murder them again. Blossom actually got it fixed.”

“By using blatant corruption,” Pain said. “Isn’t it nice to have powerful friends who don’t care if they break the law for you?”

“It sure is,” I said. “I honestly didn’t expect Blossom was that kind of mare.”

“Your pull ruins everything it touches,” Rage said. “You turned Blossom into putty in your supple hands. It’s no wonder she went from a bastion of justice to just another crooked cop.”

“That’s not necessarily fair,” I said. “The princesses were the ones who said she was a bastion of justice. I have no clue if she was or not. For all I know, she’s always been corrupt. But yeah, my pull probably did ruin her.”

“Way to go, mommy,” Taya sarcastically replied, rolling her eyes. “You’ve made yet another very powerful mare your ally, just completely ruining her.”

“I’m glad you understand the gravity of the situation. So what are the takeaways here?”

“We already covered them,” Pain said. “You made Blossom corrupt. And Fleur did something illegal in your name.”

“Then I guess I’m ready to move on,” I said.

“We should probably discuss one more thing,” my guide said. “You so casually brushed over threatening murder. Is that truly wise?”

“No. But I also can’t change the past, so it’s whatever I guess.”

“Threatening murder is whatever you guess,” my guide mockingly replied.

“It uh… it sounds kinda bad when you say it,” I replied.

“Still doesn’t bother me,” Taya said with a shrug. “Didn’t Rage say they deserved it?”

“They were just asking to interview someone who is very newsworthy,” my guide said. “They were doing their jobs.”

“Then maybe they should have chosen a different career path,” Rage said. “Nobody likes vultures.”

“That’s human media,” my guide said. “You’ve never given pony media a chance, Nav.”

“I haven’t, and I intend to rectify that. If I remember, I’ll apologize to the reporters. Threatening them may have been a little rude.”

“Ugh, boring,” Taya groaned.

“Right? So, can we move on now or what?”

“We may,” my guide said. She cosplayed a goa'uld and we vanished.

The tree thing kicked in again and we appeared in a very unkempt garden. Celestia was sitting on a thorny throne while Fleur and Fancy Pants bowed. “To what do we owe this summons, Princess?” Fancy politely asked. He and his wife finally stood, at least.

“You two are relatively close to Navarone now, are you not?” Celestia asked.

“We are, Princess,” Fleur said. “Is… that a problem?”

“No, it’s exactly what I need right now,” Celestia said. “It’s time Nav was rewarded again for her deeds. Given that a few fiefdoms just opened up, I was thinking I’d make her a noble.”

“That’s very generous of you, but I’m not sure Nav would approve,” Fancy said.

“Her approval isn’t necessary,” Celestia said. “But it would certainly make things easier, which is why I invited both of you here. I would like you to convince her to do it willingly.”

“You want us to talk our friend into doing something she doesn’t want to?” Fleur slowly asked.

“Yes. I assumed, given what my precious human was wearing upon her return last night, you would have no issue with that. If you can talk her into wearing a beautiful dress at a fancy party, talking her into accepting a prestigious award for all of her good deeds should be a cake-walk.”

“It should be simple,” Fancy said with a nod. “Nav is fairly easy to manipulate.”

“No one is debating the ease with which we could do it,” Fleur said. “Do we really want to force our friend to do something like this?”

“Oh no, don’t think of it like that,” Celestia said with a cute smile. “Think of it as stopping me from forcing her to do it. If you convince her to do it willingly, nopony will be forcing anypony to do anything.”

“...But Nav isn’t a pony,” Fleur said.

“May I ask what in particular it is that Nav did?” Fancy asked. “Was capturing Pertz that high of a priority?”

“Nav has done several things. Capturing Pertz was certainly part of it. Helping me deal with the demons absolutely helped. But the main thing that triggered it was seeing her all dolled up. I know if I make her an official lady, she’ll be obligated to dress up cute all the time!” Taya started snickering, so I reached over and turned one of her ears inside out. She squeaked and flopped it around a few times until it corrected itself, then glared at me.

“I’m not sure wanting to see Nav pretty is a valid reason to make her a noble,” Fancy said.

“Of course it is,” Celestia replied. “I can make whoever I want a noble for any reason I choose. Well, as long as they’re sapient. We made a tree a noble once for reasons that made sense at the time, but it caused a huge legal issue later when someone tried to cut it down to build something. So whoever I make a noble has to be at least capable of talking and using some semblance of reason. Nav fits both of those, though she may be a bit iffy on the reason. She is becoming a lady, one way or another. The only thing that changes will be how she feels about it. I believe having some friends there when she learns might soothe the blow, wouldn’t you agree?”

“This is sounding more and more like a punishment,” Fleur said. “You’re going to force Nav to become something she doesn’t want to so she’ll be obligated to dress a way she doesn’t want to.”

“No, it only seems like a punishment because this is absolutely the kind of thing I would do to punish her,” Celestia said. “This actually is a reward, believe it or not. There’s not really a special title or medal for stopping a demon invasion or a murderous tyrant, so Nav will have to settle for nobility instead. She’ll hate it and gnash her teeth and growl and so on, but she’ll get over it. Being a noble will make living in Equestria much easier for her, I’m sure. Oooh, just thinking about how adorable she’ll be at the ceremony makes me want to push it forward!”

Fleur and Fancy shared a short look. Fancy finally cleared his throat. “We will talk to Navarone for you, Princess.”

“Excellent. At the moment, I believe she is in her room. I’ll have a maid sent to announce you. Please don’t be alarmed by any of what you see in her room. I’m told she’s back to painting, which could mean anything from beautiful masterpieces to true horror shows.”

“Horror to one is beauty to another,” Fleur flippantly replied.

Celestia’s horn lit up and one of my masterpieces appeared, Saturn Devouring His Son. Fleur instantly retched and Fancy flinched. “This is the tamest of the works I confiscated. Consider yourself lucky this is the one I chose to display.”

“Humans are utterly fascinating,” Fancy said. “I had the person in control at the bunker show me some human movies and art. A lot of it was horrific, but more of it was beautiful. Even the horror tended to have a point to it.”

“This looks distasteful,” Fleur said. “But Nav wouldn’t have painted it without reason. It must mean something to humans.”

“To me, it’s nothing but disgusting,” Celestia said. “Nav should be thankful Twilight rescued her from that barbaric culture.”

“FUCK YOU, COW!” I shouted. I don’t know why that enraged me so much, but hearing the mare who forced me to go through so much call everything I ever knew barbaric like that… “I’m glad we made a mockery of your death and took pictures the whole time to commemorate it!”

“...Are you alright?” Taya slowly asked.

“Yes. I’m done listening to this,” I said. “Celestia was a monster and I’m glad she’s dead. What are the takeaways here?”

“Making you a noble may not have been punishment after all,” Pride said. “It finally clicked for you when you were walking down the aisle, didn’t it? All the ponies were cheering you, Nav.”

“And it wasn’t because they were expected to,” Reason said. “It’s because they wanted to.”

“As if that was ever in doubt,” Taya scoffed. “Who wouldn’t want to cheer mommy on?”

“Mommy, obviously,” Pride said. “Since, you know, she hates herself.”

“Plus those nobles who are now rotting in prison for life,” I said. “And probably a few other people, but I don’t really care about being hated anymore. I’ve done some great things since I got here. I didn’t originally like the idea of being uplifted like this, but I do recognize how valuable it’ll be. Especially now that Celestia’s not out to get me anymore.”

“Celestia was trying to make you more girly,” Reason said. “Newlestia confirmed it when you first met her. She adored the idea of dressing you up.”

“She sure did,” I said. “It was pretty annoying.”

“Being Rarity’s doll was bad enough,” Pride said. “But Celestia had the power to do whatever she wanted. Did you enjoy the sleepover, Navi?”

“No. Well, I enjoyed the pillow fight and cuddling up to Breastia and human Cadance. Hmm… Cansdance, maybe? Everything else about it sucked.”

“Yeah, slumber parties are the worst,” Taya said. “Those annoying fillies you made me hang out with always liked doing annoying things like playing dress-up, practicing making out, and talking about colts.”

“What’s wrong with making out?” Pride asked.

“I had the least practice, so they all took turns with me over and over until I could get it right.”

“So, any other takeaways?” I asked.

“There was going to be another one about how Fleur and Fancy both defended you and your culture to Celestia, but you interrupted before it could happen,” my guide said.

“Thanks for the tl;dw,” I said with a nod. “I guess if that’s all, we can kick it.”

“You got to see Fleur defending you anyway,” Pride said. “When Celestia wanted to force you into something, Fleur tried to convince her otherwise.”

“Yeah, that was pretty swanky,” I replied. “She had the ovaries to almost stand up to Celestia a little.”

“Is that really saying much after you slapped her in the face, called her a murderous tyrant, and eventually deposed her?” Taya asked.

“For a pony, the ability to stand up to Celestia meant a whole lot. Fleur felt herself pulled in like all the others, Taya. Because of that, I don’t question her loyalty anymore. Well, until I free her from it.”

“...So she really is your loyal puppet,” Taya slowly said. “Mommy, please reconsider telling everyone.”

“It’s too late,” I said. “Celestia already knows.”

“Yeah, and you can order her not to tell anyone else. It can be our little secret and you can use it to control the masses!”

“I ain’t about that life. You do need to start being nicer to Fleur, Taya. You don’t have to like her, but you can’t just be openly antagonistic to others.”

“Uh, say what?” Taya asked. “Don’t you act like that all the time?”

“No, I just act aggravating because annoying people amuses me sometimes. Open antagonism is loudly accusing someone of trying to use me and then having to be bribed into behaving.”

“Well, I am just your little eternafilly, aren’t I? Doesn’t that mean I get to act up?”

“Why would you want to be a naughty eternafilly? Use your head, silly. Being good gets you rewards!”

“And yet you act up with Twilight all the time, despite knowing you’ll get punished,” Taya said. “Maybe being punished can be fun!”

“Not when I’m the one doing the punishing. Now, let’s move on.”

“As you desire,” my guide said. Her eyes lit up and we carried on.

This time, we appeared in an apple orchard. For a moment, I thought the tree thing kicked in again. Then I realized we were right next to the Cutiemark Crusaders’ clubhouse. The three girls were sitting at a table under it and Rarity was standing next to them, wearing exercising clothes.

“You… need our help?” Sweetie asked. “With what?”

“Well, I don’t really need all of you, to be honest,” Rarity said. “Applebloom, please, train me!”

“...Train you?” Applebloom said, her head tilting. “Uh… You wanna learn to buck apples?”

“No! I need you to teach me how to resist cuteness!”

That made all three of them blink, of course. “Why would you need that?” Scootaloo asked. “And why would she help you?! That’s giving away her biggest advantage!”

“Cuteness ain’t my biggest advantage!” Applebloom shouted. “Navi told me it was my super soft tummy, sweet grin, and sad pout!”

“Those are all things that make you cute,” Sweetie said.

“He’s having Taya misuse her cuteness!” Rarity shouted, slapping a hoof on the ground. “He’s beaten me multiple times with her! I have to learn to defend against it!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Scootaloo said, waving a hoof. “You can’t misuse cuteness!”

“He’s used it to evade three massive talking-tos! I can’t just let that stand! You have to help me, Applebloom!”

“Forget that!” Sweetie yelled. “Teach me to be cute, instead! There’s no way I can let Taya be cuter than me! Especially if it’ll get me out of Rarity’s boring and misguided life lessons!”

“What was that, missy?!” Rarity hissed.

“Let me show you how it’s done,” Applebloom said. “Taya ain’t got nothin’ on me!” With that, her face fell into a massive pout, something that would have made my fake heart skip a beat if it didn’t take about a minute or so to actually beat. “Y-you aren’t r-really mad, a-are you? She d-didn’t mean it!”

Instead of capitulating, Rarity’s face fell into a strangely crooked grin. “This is it! This is my chance! Show me all you got, you cute little demon! I’ll weather this storm… I’ll weather this storm and I’ll get you yet, Nav!”

The memory went grey, so I walked over and sat on Rarity’s soft, plump body. “So, you wanna risk cuteness on her again, or just shelve that tactic for now?” I asked.

“There are plenty of ways we can deal with Rarity without resorting to cuteness,” Taya said. “Besides, it’s my least favorite weapon.”

“That’s a shame, because it’s my favorite,” I said. “We’ll keep it in our back pocket, but we’ll find other ways to work around Rarity’s nonsense.”

“Why were we even shown this?” Taya asked.

The only one standing with us was the guide, who took it upon herself to answer. “You must take care with your friends, Nav. Your actions drove Rarity to these lengths.”

“The belly rub I gave her after getting the dress was a little much, I’ll admit.”

“Does Rarity actually count as a friend?” Taya asked.

“It’s a give and take relationship,” I replied with a shrug. “Let’s get going.”

“As you choose,” my guide said. Her eyes flashed and off we went. I didn’t think about standing up until I was already falling down.

Taya snickered at me as I sighed and looked around. We were in Blossom’s office. She was there with a smiling Fleur. The nice painting Flo made was hung on the wall behind Blossom’s desk. Before they started talking, I used Fleur’s supple body to pull me to my feet.

“So, the princess knows of your affliction,” Fleur said. “How does it feel?”

“I am… relieved to know that I’m safe. Lady Navarone did not disappoint. I’m in her debt once more, it seems.”

“Oh, don’t think of it that way,” Fleur said, waving a hoof. “I know she certainly doesn’t. You’re a friend, so she’s happy to help. Especially now that you’re a friend who can more openly use her powers.”

“...Friends help others regardless of debt,” Blossom slowly said. “Nav said something similar. It’s sad to say, but it’s a new concept for me.”

“You aren’t the only one,” Fleur said with a cute giggle. “Navi’s truly showing us that friendship is magic, isn’t she?”

“Yes, but don’t let her hear you say it. When I first heard about Nav, I honestly expected her to be completely different.”

“She was exactly what I expected. It just took me far too long to realize how valuable that made her. Now I’m quite happy I’m in a position to help doll her up!”

“Don’t let her hear you say that, either. So, Celestia knows. Now what?”

“Now we let the masses know, of course,” Fleur said.

“W-what?! How is that of course?! I was lucky enough that Celestia approved it!”

“Exactly,” Fleur said with a nod. “You were extremely lucky.”

“So why should I push it and tell everypony?!” If she was reverting back to that racist catch-all, she was definitely panicking.

“Because Celestia can change her mind at any time. By telling the masses, we make it official and take away all hints of luck. You are a Princess Celestia-approved vampire. I don’t see anything wrong with letting the world know. That way, it’ll make it more difficult to change her mind later, assuming you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Or assuming there’s nothing she can frame me for.”

“That too. The point is, if we get this in the press, there won’t be any reason for you to be afraid anymore. You can freely be who you are. After all, Celestia never said anything about keeping it secret.”

“...And you aren’t worried it might backfire?”

“I’m not. If Nav weren’t taking one for the team with that old hag right now, she would agree with me.”

“The princess may be old, but she can’t really be called a hag,” Blossom said. “And Nav definitely seems to enjoy it. I was going to play with her after the party, but the princess snatched her away from me…”

“Once your vampirism is public, you’ll be able to use your powers during duty. Have you spent much time practicing?”

“No. It’s difficult to find a place with no risk of witnesses. But if it’s public, that’s no longer a concern. If we really do put it out there—”

“We are,” Fleur said. “I already wrote the rough draft for the article. I think I know just the mare to pass it to! I’m sure she’ll be delighted to put the truth to print.”

“I’m actually quite interested in what she’ll have to say about Nav’s elevation to the nobility. Clementine really seems to hate her.”

“That’s irrelevant,” Fleur said, waving a hoof. “Let that mare hate us all she wants. As long as she stays on her leash like a good little filly, it won’t matter. And now that Nav has even more power, it means we can tighten our screws down on that reporter even more.”

“Careful that you don’t break her. She could do a whole lot of damage before we could stop her, if she really wanted.”

“Oh, don’t worry. Navi taught me to play nice with my toys. The only thing that would upset her enough to betray us is asking her to print lies. Since you’re definitely a vampony and Celestia definitely approved of it, there shouldn’t be a problem. You know the best part about going public?”

“Everyone will stop asking why I have fangs?”

“It’ll make your search for new blood types easier! If everypony knows you’re a vampony, you can just ask new species if they mind!”

“I… I can’t just ask to suck someone’s blood!”

“Why not?” Fleur asked, her head tilting slightly. “You’re a vampony. Isn’t that what you do?”

“Yes, but I don’t need to go around begging for it! That’ll just scare everyone.”

“I think it sounds like a wonderful way to pick up stallions! I’m sure if we doll you up just right, none of them would ever say no!” That made my filly snort.

“They’re more likely to be afraid. No matter how much you dress up a monster, it’s still a monster.”

“Don’t be silly,” Fleur said, booping our favorite vampire right on her adorable little nose. “If you keep calling yourself a monster, I’ll tell Navi on you! Then she’ll remind you that you’re too cute to be a monster while pinching your cheek. I’m sure she’ll probably find some other ways to make you suffer, too.”

“Tch, of course. Fine. Is undead abomination better?”

“It’s a step in the right direction. So how do you feel, truly?”

It took a few seconds, but Blossom actually smiled. “Good. Coming out to Celestia took a load off my back. And as much as it scares me, I think you’re right about going public. With you and Nav on my side, there’s no way it can go wrong.”

“Exactly,” Fleur said with a nod. “Just depend on us!” With that, the memory grayed out.

“So you showed them both the magic of friendship,” Taya smugly said.

“Apparently. And apparently they’re too ashamed to tell me about it, for some reason.”

“I doubt it’s shame,” Pride said. “But then, you knew that, didn’t you?”

“I can’t hide anything from you, Pride,” I said with a sigh. “I may have thumped her on the ear or something if she said that to me. It’s annoying, but it’s just a pony catchphrase. I’ve learned to live with it.”

“Does that mean you won’t be ashamed of your Defender of Harmony armor anymore?” Pride asked.

“I haven’t learned to live with that one yet. I don’t want to be covered in ass tattoos, even if they also grace some fine booties. Well, except for Dash’s. She’s a little bony…”

“So, that was the first takeaway,” Pride said. “You brought together two very determined and interesting mares. Together, they’ve worked quite a bit to boost you and each other. It’s completely okay to pretend you did this on purpose.”

“...Huh?” Taya said.

“I had no ulterior motives when meeting them,” I said. “None at all. I had zero plans for either. He’s saying that when I leave the coma, I can pretend that I befriended them to further my ambitions.”

“Wow. After wracking my brains over and over, I couldn’t think of any other reason you could possibly put up with Fleur. I thought you were just keeping it a secret from me this whole time. Are you saying you actually like her?!”

“I didn’t at first, but she’s gone a long way to get in my good graces. Blossom was really cold at first, but she warmed up a lot after realizing how good I taste.”

“I don’t think that’s the reason,” Pride said. “But then, you knew that too, didn’t you?”

“It may have been part of it, but I’m pretty sure the events just coincided. Right after she drank from me, she came out of the closet.”

“Is that why you’ve been trying to set her up with Fleur?” Pride asked.

“Hot. So why would I pretend I did this on purpose? Wouldn’t the ponies be happier if it was just me being friendly? And wouldn’t Blossom and Fleur be happier knowing I wasn’t out to use them?”

“That’s why you tell them beforehand,” Pride said. “This way, all of your followers will realize how Macchiavellian you are, since you’ve been planning your coup ever since first befriending Blossom.”

“Cool idea, but pass. Do we have any other takeaways?”

“Are you proud of the friends you’ve made?” Pride asked.

“Not really. I mean, making friends is just something that usually happens in life. No reason to be particularly proud of it, as far as I’m concerned. Especially since I accidentally cheated a lot with my human pull.”

“Let me rephrase the question. Are you proud of how far they’ve come since meeting you?”

“Oh. Then yes. Or at least, in their case I am. It sucks that it probably only happened because I accidentally cheated, but I’m still glad that they’re better off.”

“Good,” Pride said. “I’m always happy to be validated. I don’t have anything else for you.”

“Cool. Let’s get going, fake Flo.”

“As you command, fake woman,” she replied. Her eyes lit up and off we went.

We appeared at the bottom of a mountain next to a small village. After looking around for a few seconds, I realized we were near the kobold village in Hawaii, which made the mountain the volcano that held Blaze. Several water elementals were standing in front of the village chief and a few of his followers.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Let me guess, this is the part where everyone tells me killing the mage was a bad thing,” I said.

“Didn’t he throw Gilda into a volcano?” Taya asked. “Sounds like he deserved it.”

“I agree,” Rage replied.

“I also agree that he deserved it,” Reason said. “But that doesn’t mean giving him what he deserved was smart.”

The peanut gallery fell silent, so I looked around. It was just Reason and Rage, this time. “What, no Fear?” I asked.

“You weren’t afraid of the kobolds, you were just annoyed by them,” Reason said. “You were a little afraid that relations would sour between you and the water elementals if you killed all the kobolds, but that was about it.”

“Well, let’s hear what they have to say,” I said, crossing my arms. The scene finally came alive before us.

“The volcano has been rumbling a lot since the ship left,” the chief said. “Our mage used to calm it.”

“It’s possible that the fire elemental inside was the only thing keeping that volcano from going off,” Brook said. “If so, even with your mage, there would be nothing you could do.”

“We have weathered lava flows before, long ago. Tales of how to survive have passed down. Even if that monster weakened us, we’ll make it.”

“Will you have to move your village?” Mist asked. I kinda wonder how long it took her to calm down after Blaze got away.

“Of course. We’ll begin preparations soon. This spot was never intended to be permanent, anyway…”

Some of the water elementals shared looks. After a moment, Brook slid forward a little. “I have a recommendation. Allow us to assist in an evacuation.”

“...Evacuation?” the kobold slowly said.

“This is a very small island in the middle of the largest ocean on the planet,” Mist said. “How many volcanoes and really bad storms do you deal with on a regular basis? If you have to leave this home anyway, why not go somewhere with fewer terrible disasters?”

“We’ve all been curious about what’s on the other side of the waves,” the kobold said. “But what we have seen has left quite a bad taste in our mouths.”

“...Do you mean the part where you attempted to murder one of our crew members and then got mad when vengeance was taken?” Carl asked. Mist facepalmed and Brook’s eyes turned dark blue. The kobold’s teeth started grating.

“Let us not cast stones, sisters,” Flumen quietly said. “Navarone’s behavior was unacceptable, but we deserve equal parts of the blame for not stepping in to save her friend.”

“Either way, it shouldn’t be an issue,” Carl said. “As I’m sure you can surmise, throwing people into volcanoes is a problem in most cultures. Nav demonstrated excellently what manner of punishment you can expect for doing so if you decide to emigrate. Following the law means you don’t need to worry about punishment.”

“Let’s go check on the volcano, dear sister,” Flumen said, grabbing one of Carl’s hands. The two of them slid up the mountain, leaving the discussion to the adults.

“There is plenty of unincorporated land in this world that you could claim for yourself and set whatever manner of rules you’d like,” Brook said. “We can see to it that you’re dropped off wherever you like, with plenty of support to ensure you can last until you settle down.”

“You deserve better than living alone on this island for eternity,” Mist said. “This is a very large world with all kinds of races to meet and sights to see. We can help you accomplish that, as well as give you more room to grow and expand.”

“...There are cave paintings of beings like you,” the kobold said, looking Mist up and down. “Beings made of liquid that heal and comfort.”

“Long, long ago, we lived alongside your ancestors,” Mist said. “We helped them survive in the harsh world and did our best to guide them. Once, this was a chain of islands that I called home. I brought your first ancestors here.”

“And now you’d seek to take us away,” the chief harshly replied.

“Once, villages of your kind dotted every country on the planet. Now, so far, you are all we have found. One way or another, living isolated in this manner will lead to death.”

“And so we should trust the tales of old? Are you telling us to put our faith in those who rode with those demons?”

“Brook, how far away do you think the ship is by now?” Mist asked.

“Far enough, I’d say,” Brook replied.

“Why don’t you go check on Flumen and Carl? I think I might have better luck talking to him alone.”

“I think I’ll do that,” Brook said with a playful smile. She slid off, chuckling about something.

Mist shot forward and placed one of her hands on the kobold’s shoulder, then loomed over him. “Let’s walk and talk, shall we?” He looked up at her with bright blue eyes and slowly nodded. “You know, I think the Everfree might be a good fit for you,” she mused as she started leading her new host away. Everything finally grayed out and I just shook my head.

“What a bitch,” Taya said.

“You’re too young for that word,” I idly replied. “But man, what a bitch.”

“Mommy, I’m not gonna get any older.”

“Then I guess that means you’ll always be too young for that word. Good thing you wanted to be my eternafilly, isn’t it?” She stuck her tongue out at me in a manner completely becoming an eternafilly.

“You’re going to need to sign her up for young lady courses,” Reason said.

“Yeah, definitely. That’s a problem for future me, though. So, did Brook just knowingly abandon the kobold to have his mind taken over?”

“I don’t think that’s the most accurate way of saying it,” Reason replied. “It looks like Brook left so she wouldn’t be a witness. Thus, she has plausible deniability. It can easily be inferred that she knew what was about to happen and left so it could, though.”

“Either way, it completely spits in the face of everything she told me on that beach. How many times now have we witnessed water elementals blatantly doing the thing they all said none of them ever do?”

“Too many,” Rage said.

“And always in your favor,” Reason said. “How is it okay when you do it but not when they do it? After all, it’s their power to abuse.”

“It’s not okay to do it at all, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t ever necessary,” I said. “Mist just got tired of talking, so she used the nuclear option. And apparently she’s going to try to get them to the Everfree.”

“So that would make two subservient races,” my guide said. “You’ll own the monkeys and the kobolds! That’ll make taming the Everfree much easier.”

“That actually does sound kinda useful,” Taya said. “And I mean, you are planning on using them to mess with my mind, aren’t you? If the elementals are doing everything in their power to support you, isn’t that a good thing?”

“Not necessarily,” I said. “But what’s more important is that we have no way of knowing if they’re doing all of this to support me. Remember, the only events we’re seeing right now pertain directly to me. How many times have elementals been alone with others in events that didn’t concern me? How many times might they have used their powers in ways that only benefit themselves? If they’re willing to so blatantly use mind control like this… A part of me shudders to think of what I’ve unleashed upon the world.”

“Be careful, you might hurt Flo’s feelings,” Rage sarcastically said. “Isn’t it a little too late to start feeling regret now?”

“It’s never too late to feel regret,” I said. “But I can safely say that my entire journey to free the elementals began under false pretenses. I was misled into releasing them, I didn’t do it knowing their full capabilities or history.”

“Did Flo lie when you met her?” Taya asked.

“Yes. She also didn’t have the full story, which might have affected her decision. But as this coma showed me, I never really had a choice once I met her. She instantly pumped herself into me and knew exactly what to say to make me agree.”

“And what not to say, of course,” Reason said.

“But that’s old news. Let’s get back to the present memory. Why would Mist want to drag the kobolds to the Everfree?”

“To help empower you, of course,” Reason said. “The elementals are tools of humanity. At the moment, you are the most human-like thing they can safely engage with. Thus, it follows that they’d seek to support you. Bringing followers to your banner is always valuable.”

“And having all of your followers secretly under their control makes turning you into a figurehead easy,” Rage added. “The monkeys serve Brook. The kobolds serve Mist. The ponies serve Celestia. The changelings serve Moonbeam. Be very cautious while acting in your territory, Navarone. Those loyal specifically to you will be few.”

“Especially if you eliminate the pull,” my guide said. “Good luck getting any support, then.”

“Luckily, I own Celestia at the moment, so the ponies aren’t an issue. Brook’s an alpha, so she’s theoretically obligated to obey me. That means the monkeys might not be an issue. Mist and the others got purified, so the kobolds might not be a problem. The jury’s out on the changelings. If Discord forces Moonbeam to follow her deal, we’ll need to be careful.”

“Remember that nothing is permanent,” Reason said. “You own Celestia… at the moment. Be wary of putting too much power into her hooves. If you revitalize the military and something happens so that she takes over again, it’s entirely possible the revitalized military will be used on you.”

“Yeah, but I can’t go around living my life constantly in fear of the future,” I said. “I happen to think dealing with Tartarus is important. I also think if we can do it the right way, we can avoid more bloodshed in the future. Anyway, do we have any more takeaways here?”

“Don’t trust the elementals,” Rage said.

“I’ll do my best. I guess it’s time to move on, then.” My guide’s eyes flashed and we thankfully took off without delving too far into the morality of vengeance.

We appeared on the deck of the airship, right near the very front. Silver Quill, Doppel, and Kat were standing there. Everyone else was gray, so I figured they were the important ones.

“So how do you feel about life on the ship, Silver?” Doppel asked. “I know it takes some getting used to.”

“I think it’s amazing,” Silver said. “I never thought I would get to even ride an airship, let alone live in one!”

“I suppose it’s certainly an upgrade for you,” Kat said, rubbing the back of her neck. “It took me ages to get used to the cramped rooms. I used to sneak in and cuddle with Nav when she was sleeping to help me get over it, but then her filly started doing it and I couldn’t get away with it anymore…”

“Speaking of which, do you already know the most important rule?” Doppel asked.

“Oh, Watcher already gave me the number one rule,” Silver replied with a nod. “Never get between the lady and her filly. Given what happened to Pertz, I don’t think I could survive Lady Navarone’s bad side.”

“It wouldn’t be her bad side you’d have to worry about,” Doppel said. “Nav’s volatile and violent to those who she decides are enemies. No offense to you, but there’s no way you’d ever classify as an enemy to her. Taya, on the other hoof… She’s a lot more fickle. And she’s a lot more volatile than Nav ever was.” Silver was actually starting to look slightly scared. Taya was well past looking angry.

“Don’t be afraid,” Kat said. “Just keep being yourself and you’ll never need to worry about either of them!”

For some reason, that made Silver tilt her head. “What do you mean, keep being myself? I thought Lady Navarone changed everyone and made them better.”

“...Is that what she does?” Kat slowly asked, looking over to Doppel.

“I mean… I’m nowhere near the same changeling I was when I met her,” Doppel said. “And Nav was the focal point for most of my changes, but… I don’t know if that’s really the best way to put it.”

“And I’m definitely not the same cat,” Kat said. “Hm… Have you heard the phrase diamond in the rough?”

“I have,” Silver replied with a nod.

“Think of it like that. You were hand-picked by the great Lady Navarone, Silver. That makes you one of her gems. Over time, with her help, you’ll chisel away at all the things that make you weak and afraid.”

“That’s a good way to put it,” Doppel said. “But still not quite right… To borrow the gem analogy, let’s say I’m obsidian, Kat is citrine quartz, and you can be moonstone. We’ll call Nav a master jeweler. Her wonderful hands will turn you into the perfect shape and size no matter what you look like. Or to get rid of the analogy, she’ll take a look at all the things you’re good at, assign you tasks in those areas, and then never bother you about them until she needs a status report.”

“It’s amazing!” Kat said. “I expected to be micromanaged when I was a slave, but the master assassins almost always kept tabs on me even past my apprenticeship! Nav actually lets me do my thing!”

“Um… Assassins?” Silver quietly said, blanching slightly.

“Right?” Doppel said, completely ignoring the boring accountant. “Back when I used to spy for Chrysalis, I had to constantly check in with the local contacts. It was so boring and it ended with them getting caught more than once!”

“S-spy?!” Silver squeaked.

“Nav doesn’t just change people, Silver,” Kat said, reaching down to boop the mare. “She builds them up into something they never imagined.”

“And then she allows you to do your job in peace,” Doppel said, sighing with delight. “I never really thought I’d enjoy being a maid, but working with Nav has been great!”

“I don’t get to torture or murder as much as I’d like, but I’m still having a lot of fun too,” Kat said with a warm grin. I don’t know why, but Silver’s ears both dropped. “Something about Lady Navi is just…” Her paws clasped together under her chin and she looked up. “Oooh, I just wanna cuddle her!”

“Ugh, not again,” Doppel said, rolling her eyes. Her body flashed and turned into me, complete with a decent dress. Kat immediately hugged her and Doppel sighed. “She’ll be like this for a few minutes,” the fake me said. “Trust me when I say you don’t want to watch. And since you’re a witness now, it’s also partially your responsibility to make sure Nav and Taya don’t see us like this.”

“Wait, what?” Silver said. “W-why can’t they see you?”

“Nav doesn’t like when I use her body without her permission. But if I had to wait to get her permission to calm Kat down, there might be casualties. And Taya always knows immediately when I’m pretending to be Nav, so she’d definitely be angry. Go keep a lookout on the stairs.”

Silver was looking more and more scared by the word, so she took the chance to run and did so without a backwards glance.

“Was that a little too much?” Kat asked when Silver was far enough to turn gray.

“If she can’t stand us when we’re being silly, she absolutely won’t be able to stand us when we actually do scary things.” A few awkward seconds passed. “Are you going to let me go?”

A few more seconds passed before Kat sweetly grinned and wrapped her entire body around the fake me, giggling in glee. Doppel sighed and hung her head. With that, they both went gray.

“I was kinda wondering how that conversation went,” I said. “What do you think, Taya?”

“I think it’s rude to talk about people behind their back!” Taya said, slapping a hoof on the deck. “Especially a washed up whore and a psycho murderer!”

That made my guide giggle. “Are you describing them, or yourselves?” she gaily asked.

“Hey, I have never once charged anyone for it,” I said. “I am a washed up slut, thank you very much. Although Doppel also hasn’t, so—”

“Yes she has,” Taya said. “She told me that her most popular disguise was prostitute. It was easy to feed herself, easy to make money, and easy to disappear.”

“Then I stand corrected,” I said. “And I would appreciate it if you didn’t call my filly a psychopath. I’m doing my absolute best to turn her into a sociopath, thank you very much!”

“...How’s that supposed to be better?” my guide asked.

“You can’t really cure the underlying condition, either way,” I said. “All you can do is make someone better suited to be in society. And there’s literally no one better suited to society than a sociopath. So I’m doing my best to teach my psycho filly how to behave so she can graduate to socio instead.”

“...I don’t know how to feel about that,” Taya slowly said. “So what’s the difference in a psychopath and a sociopath?”

“Do you remember Miguel? The dude Discord sent to attack us in Stalliongrad?”

“Yeah…”

“He murdered children for fun, cut their faces off, dried them, and carried them around with him. That’s a psychopath. Now think about Oldlestia. She put her emotionlessness to use and built up a huge nation off the suffering of millions. The main difference between a psychopath and a sociopath is how well they’re able to cope in society. Psychos can’t really do it and end up losing their shit. Socios learn how to blend in and since they don’t care about the suffering of others, they freely and willingly benefit from it. As my eternafilly, you’re powerful enough that you have to be able to blend in.”

“...I guess that makes sense,” Taya said.

“Don’t you think she should aim higher than being crazy?” my guide asked.

“We have to start somewhere,” I said with a shrug. “Once she learns complete self-control, we’ll be able to more safely work through issues. Anyway, we’re off subject.”

“We sure are,” Pride said. “You want the first takeaway?”

“If you’d be so kind,” I said.

“Silver Quill was incredibly honored that you hired her,” he said. “She also had very high expectations of you as an employer. I’ll go ahead and give you a spoiler to say that you surpassed them.”

“That’s kinda—” Before I could finish, Taya used magic to gag me.

“It’s not sad!” Taya said. “Why do you always say that?!” I wanted to reply, but she didn’t ungag me.

“She doesn’t like getting compliments,” the guide said. “They make her feel weird and awkward because she still isn’t used to them. Because of that, she does her best to brush them off. Also, it’s rude to ask her a question and then not ungag her.”

“Oh, shoot, sorry!” The light around her horn fizzled out and I could finally close my mouth. “I don’t actually use any magic energy in here, so I forgot I still had it active.”

“No worries, it saved me from having to answer,” I said. “I can understand Silver being honored. I rescued her, after all. Well, we saved her, but in her mind, it seems to be mostly me. To be honest, I’m not entirely positive I know what Kat and Doppel are talking about, but I guess I’ll take their word for it.”

“What, are you saying I’m not the perfect example?” Taya asked. “Look where I am now compared to where I was when you found me! From literal gutter trash to the eternafilly of the best mommy ever! Plus I’m super powerful and apparently more attractive than I realized!”

“...Huh?” I said.

“A surprising amount of colts at the tower think my bright green eyes are really cute…”

“Told you, silly. So, any other takeaways?”

“Do you want to discuss any of the batshit crazy things Kat said?” Pride asked.

“If I spent time deconstructing Kat’s insanity, I would probably never stop. At this point, I’m basically over it.”

“Then the last takeaway is the most important rule on the ship,” Pride said.

“You shut your whore mouth, Spike!” Taya said.

“Wow, you really do take after her,” Pride said. “Watcher made that the most important rule for a reason, Taya. Think about what that means.”

“It sounds like he’s jealous,” Taya huffed.

“It means he was afraid,” I said, patting her head. “His group is full of hardened soldiers and their number one rule was to never fuck with the filly. That tells you something about what they think of the filly.”

“...I won’t be scary anymore,” Taya quietly said. “I… I’m sorry, mommy. I never… I never wanted to scare them…”

Wait, really? “I know, Taya,” I said. My guide snorted. “We both have work to do. And we’re both going to help each other. Now, since that was the last takeaway, let’s dip on outta here.”

“As you wish,” the guide said. Hopefully just to surprise me, her eyes lost all of their light instead.

We appeared next to a trotting changeling in the palace at the Crystal Empire. Thankfully, Taya and I were on some kind of conveyor belt that kept pace with Eva.

“S-should we really d-do this?” Eva whispered.

“Indecisiveness will get you nowhere,” Mimeo replied. “The choice has been made. We’ve all agreed.”

“It won’t hurt to ask,” Poly said. “The worst she can do is say no.”

“She’s not going to say no,” Ganger said. “There’s no way Nav could ever deny us. Eva has her wrapped around her hoof!”

“I do not!” Eva shouted, making a nearby guard look her way. She continued silently, blushing. When the guard was out of sight, she sighed and quietly said, “I’m not manipulating her. I’m not! I just…”

“You’re just going to use your cute smile and cracking voice to get what you want,” Mimeo said. “After all, being too cute to hurt was the reason you were created.” Eva’s body froze.

“Don’t,” Poly immediately said. Eva shook and continued trotting. “You voted the same as the rest of us, Mimeo. Don’t be mean to her just because she’s the most likely to actually succeed.”

“Yeah, maybe you should try being nicer,” Ganger said. “Nav is probably still mad about that cow thing. I honestly didn’t think she would pick us up and throw us like that…”

“I think it was fun!” Eva said. “Until we hit the ground, at least. Um… If we’re really… gonna ask, can we all… promise to never make her mad?”

“I’ll do my best,” Ganger said.

“I never wanted to make her angry anyway,” Poly said.

“I don’t have a deathwish, obviously,” Mimeo said.

“Good,” Eva said. “I’m a little worried about how Taya will react, but… I think she’ll be happy to have us once she gets over her shock. I really wanted to ask her first, but Nav told so many scary stories that…”

“If we don’t ask now, we may never get the chance,” Mimeo said.

“As Nav once put it, it’s better to have loved and lost than something something,” Poly said.

“Truly words of wisdom,” Ganger sarcastically replied. “Was the rest of it not as profound?”

“Oh no, that’s actually verbatim,” Poly said. “Nav included the something something.”

“I remember that now,” Eva said. “I asked Doppel later and she told me the rest. It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I’m not really sure it applies, since we love her regardless, but…”

“But it’ll be nice to know if she feels the same,” Poly finished for her.

They finally arrived at what I recognized as their room. The light faded from Eva’s eyes as soon as her hoof touched the door and the memory faded to gray.

“...This feels like eavesdropping,” Taya slowly said.

“This is literally eavesdropping,” I replied. “Did you just now get that? My question is, were they actually talking to each other out loud, or was the coma just translating for us?”

“Who knows?” Love said. “So, would you like the takeaway?”

“I think it’s only fair to give Taya some context. After the trip back from Hawaii, Flo left my head. I asked Celestia to teleport me to see Cadance so I could talk to her about Flo. Eva joined us. I told them some of what we had been through since they left, too. The stories must have made her push her plan forward.”

“I guess that’s why they didn’t wait to talk to me,” Taya slowly said. “Although I don’t guess it would have mattered. I would have panicked more if they asked than I did when you told me, but I still would have agreed.”

If you say so. “So, what can we learn from this one?” I finally asked, looking over at Love.

“Eva is also aware that one of her main weapons is cuteness. She worries that you only agreed because she’s cute and you didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”

“They’re planning to come visit Canterlot at some point,” I said. “I’ll do my best to prove there’s nothing for her to worry about then.”

“I’ll need to practice walking around as a human,” Taya said. “I tried a pair of your heels while you were in the coma and they were awful!”

“...Why do you need to practice as a human?” I slowly asked.

“So we can be humans together for you again!” she happily replied.

“You weren’t being human for me,” I said. “I’m perfectly happy with you the way you are. I guess you can be humans for yourselves, though.”

“Either way, I need practice,” she said. “I won’t let them out-cute me on my own turf!”

Says the one who hates being cute. “Was adopting Eva and the others a good idea, Love?” I asked.

“As a powerful noble that’s incapable of having offspring of your own, adopting children is vital,” Love said. “They can be raised into your most useful, loving, and loyal subjects. In turn, they’d get a much better life, power, and luxury. Eva’s special abilities make her more useful than some, but that matters a lot less if she’s helping Cadance instead of you.”

“Helping keep Cadance afloat is vital to me,” I said. “I certainly would like her at my side, but she’s fine where she is for now.”

“Do you think she’d also wanna be an eternafilly?” Taya asked.

“She’s probably smarter than that, so no,” I said. “She might not mind being an eternadult, though. Was that the only thing of note in this memory?”

“I can eke out another little nugget of wisdom for my favorite demi-human,” Love said, leaning forward to nuzzle me. It felt unnaturally warm and pleasant. “They originally planned to discuss the issue with Taya first, but chose to hasten the process after your stories. Remember that the events you face would be more than most could handle and hearing about them causes concern and worry. Using your trauma for cheap laughs and to get out of unwanted conversations is rude and can have all manner of consequences.”

“Like causing even more trauma,” Taya muttered.

I’m sorry for sharing my life stories with interested friends. “‘Kay.”

Love’s horn lit up and she lifted me up so she could more comfortably kiss me. Unfortunately, the killjoy guide hates fun things, so she pulled me away before I could get my fix of pure bliss.

“Have you seen all you wish to see?” my guide warmly asked, keeping me pressed firmly against her chest.

“Yep, I’m good,” I said. I couldn’t see her eyes flash from my position, but I could easily tell that everything went dark.

We appeared in the middle of a thick forest, standing in a glade covered completely in moss. Gourd was lounging on a mushroom in the shape of a couch. Kat was sitting across from him on a tree stump. Watcher was standing in front of the table sitting between the two, looking down at some documents on it.

“I would like you to explain these contracts,” Watcher said. “Very, very thoroughly.”

Kat slammed a knife into the table. “And depending on your answers, you might end up leaving as a gelding.”

“...Wait, what?” Gourd slowly said, eyes going wide.

“You defiled our lady while she was vulnerable,” Kat coldly replied. Her eyes went full psycho and a very small grin crossed her lips. “You’re lucky Watcher talked me into leaving any of your cock left at all. I was planning on force-feeding it to you.”

“A-and you’re just okay with this?” Gourd shakily asked, turning his wide eyes to Watcher.

“You defiled our lady while she was vulnerable,” Watcher said. “You’re lucky Kat talked me out of using Zecora’s cursed dagger on you and dumping you in the Everfree so your body would be picked clean by a monster after you bled to death. So you’re going to explain these contracts very thoroughly and, as she said, you might get to leave here intact. If we don’t like your explanation, I am going to hold you down, Kat is going to geld you, and then we’re going to go about our day.”

“Well alright then,” Gourd said, sitting up and looking much more attentive. “So, Kat. You went to the party, right? How was Nav acting that night?”

“Unusual,” she said. Her eyes lost their intensity and she leaned back. “It’s rare to see her spend time with us like that. She seemed happy enough until I lost sight of her.”

“Well, when I saw her on the deck, she was bawling her eyes out,” Gourd said. “Inconsolably crying and babbling about hating dresses and being a woman and all kinds of things. So once the ship was secure, I took her inside to try and calm her down. Taya was sleeping in Nav’s room, so I took her to mine.”

“Of course,” Kat said. “I’ve caught your gaze on our lady many times.”

“So?” Gourd said. “Your eyes are on her all the time! How many times have you slept with her, huh?”

“Since she became our lady, never,” Kat said. “Not that consensual relations matter. If she chose to defile herself upon you, that is a choice she is allowed to make. But I know what alcohol does to the mind.”

“You mistook the important part of our statement,” Watcher said. “We don’t care if you defile Nav. She’s openly admitted to being a slut, so being angry about that is pointless. The important part was her vulnerability. So talk.”

“While she was in my room, I managed to get her to stop crying. Instead, she started listing the things she hates. Those are on one of the contracts, but it’s not an exhaustive list. Some time after that, she began asking me for sex. I turned her down the first few dozen times, but as you said, she’s a slut. I’m pretty sure she also mentioned something about humans being in heat all the time a few weeks ago.”

Kat hissed and shivered. “I had no idea… Poor Nav…”

“I guess that explains some things,” Watcher said. “So she kept pestering you for sex. I assume these contracts involve one of those laws you found?”

“They sure do,” Gourd said. “I strongly considered using magic to put Nav to sleep, but I thought about it for a little while and realized I had an interesting opportunity. Nav really wanted something and I really wanted something. Aren’t you curious about how she really feels about everything? She never talks about it, but it’s clear she’s not happy. Seeing her like that just proved it for me.”

“I am,” Watcher said. “But I don’t see why you had to use sex to get what you wanted.”

“Nav was very drunk,” Kat said. “You could have gotten her to agree to anything just by asking nicely. Why did you agree to have sex with her?”

“I actually tried that,” Gourd said. “She said that, as a vassal, everything I owned was hers anyway, so I had no other collateral to sign away in a contract other than direct services rendered.”

“Did she actually say that while completely drunk?” Kat said.

“Not in those exact words,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “She was being more vulgar than usual, but her vocabulary actually somehow got better.”

“So instead of cutting your losses and calling it quits, you just gave in and had sex with her?” Watcher asked.

“How pissed was she after seeing the contracts?” Kat asked.

“For a moment, I thought I might not survive the morning,” Gourd sighed. “Guys, I know I did something bad. But I did it because I want to help our lady. She’s been keeping so much pain inside of herself for so long. I think we all know from experience just how untenable that is. Isn’t it our duty as friends and vassals to help her through this?”

“Was she worth possibly being your last?” Watcher asked.

“Yes. My only regret would be that she wasn’t sober.”

“Funny,” Kat said. “Your only regret would also be the same reason she was your last. It is our duty to help Nav, that is true. However…”

“I’m getting sick of the ends justifying the means,” Watcher said. “Be wary that the end you seek comes quickly, Gourd. If your means for helping Nav dip into this territory again, we’ll make good on our threat.”

“Nav is mine to please,” Kat said. “That is my place as her blood servant. If any of her vassals attend to her needs, it will be me!”

“I’m not suicidal enough to get between you and Nav,” Watcher said. “Just keep it consensual.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll break her will and make her mine soon,” Kat said. “I can’t wait to hold my precious lady again…”

“So how is that okay?” Gourd asked.

“Kat, are you going to use drugs to break Nav’s will?”

“No, I won’t need them,” she replied. “She’s easy enough to manipulate without them.”

“That’s why it’s okay,” Watcher said. “Nav lets herself get picked up all the time. If Kat can seduce her, I don’t see why that’s an issue. Besides, she’s a blood servant. I’m not sure what that means in cat culture, but it usually means that her entire being exists to help Nav. And if Nav is always in heat, it only makes sense that a blood servant’s duty would involve tending to her needs.”

“I tried presenting myself during the trip to Hawaii, but she wouldn’t have me,” Kat said. “I learned from my mistakes and will try again when she gets back. This time, I won’t let her slip from my grasp!”

“Seriously, this is sounding worse than what I did!” Gourd said.

“My love is pure!” Kat hissed.

“And on that note, I’m calling this meeting done,” Watcher said. “Since we have these contracts, we’ll use them. But the next time Nav gets drunk, we all sit down and carefully decide what goes into the next contracts and how we convince her to sign them.” Kat groaned and wrenched her knife out of the table. Gourd breathed a sigh of relief. With that, it all went gray.

“So how’s it feel to get defiled?” Taya asked.

“I don’t remember. I probably enjoyed it, though. So let’s get to it, I guess. What can we learn from this one?”

“Alcohol is bad,” Reason replied.

“And trusting people is impossible,” Rage added.

“Yeah, I’m going to be more careful about drinking,” I said. “Who did I make the mistake of trusting this time?”

“Gourd and Kat,” Rage said. “Kat is obviously crazy and Gourd was out for your womanhood ever since you got it.”

“I wouldn’t say that trusting either of them was necessarily a mistake, but putting Gourd in a situation where he could take advantage of me was dumb. And at this point, as long as Kat doesn’t actually hurt me or anyone I care about, I’m considering it a win. She’s obviously crazy, but I’m pretty sure part of that is just crazy love for me.”

“Kat’s definitely not going to hurt you,” Taya said. “Unless she cracks even harder, somehow.”

“You mean like learning how all of her love for Nav is due to the pull?” Reason asked. “She uprooted her entire life to follow Nav around the world, all because she’s being influenced.”

“Her life before sucked,” I said. “It’s probable the pull is what drew her to me, but she was correct when she told me that all of her choices before were bad ones. I’m hopeful she’ll remember how great of a lady I am after learning why she loves me so much. Plus, it’s not like she has anywhere else to go.”

“Another important thing to note is that your vassals are, in fact, conspiring against you,” Reason said. “The next time you get impaired, they might try to force more contracts on you.”

“Does it count as conspiring against you if they’re doing it for your sake?” Taya asked. “Didn’t you say talking about your problems is important and that the only reason you don’t do it is because you hate yourself?”

“Those aren’t the words I used,” I said, crossing my arms. “I’m sure it is good for me to get things off my chest, but being forced to do it has the opposite effect. Making me sign any contracts while I’m drunk will piss me off, even if they’re beneficial.”

“Sounds like a good reason to stop drinking,” Taya said.

“Agreed. Weed was pretty fun, but being impaired can bring more trouble than it’s worth.”

“And the last takeaway is something you didn’t even pay any attention to,” Reason said. “Kat said you were acting unusual. Her definition of unusual behavior, for you, is happily interacting with people.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty unusual,” Taya said. “Mommy does her best to stay unhappy all the time. Speaking of which, why haven’t I seen anyone for sadness yet? Aren’t you depressed all the time?”

“Depression isn’t sadness,” Rage said. “It’s emptiness. That’s not something so easily represented. Besides, Flo began curing it when she was inside of you, then Aqua finished it by the time she was removed. That’s a large chunk of the reason you started feeling ambition in the attack on the bunker.”

“I guess that explains some things,” I said. “Well, what’s done is done I guess. Yeah, it’s fair to say that getting along well with everyone is unusual for me. After all, putting up with everyone like that can be hard. Alcohol makes it easier. But man, fae are a pain to deal with sometimes.”

“Well gee, sorry for existing,” Taya sarcastically replied.

“I forgive you,” I said, patting her head. “With luck, removing the pull will fix a lot of that. It essentially makes people compete for my affection, which is a huge pain.”

“Do you really hate being showered with our love that much?” Taya asked.

“I start hating it the minute the option to say no disappears. Do you know how terrifying it is to have Kat completely obsessed with me? Hell, back when I was basically forced into dating Luna, I was almost constantly worried about being teleported into her grasp. The sisters usually asked for permission, but if either of them wanted me, they could get me from anywhere. That was always on my mind. And then Chrysalis got in on the action and actually asked me to marry her. Turning down that proposal was nerve-wracking. Any of the four of them could make me disappear without a trace in a heartbeat and until recently, there was nothing stopping them from doing so.”

“...You were scared?” Taya slowly asked.

“Almost all the time. The princesses terrified me. All the confidence I showed in front of you was fake. In the beginning, if they wanted me, there was nothing that could stop them. I might have been able to last a little while on the run, but not long. Anyway, that’s all water under the bridge now.”

“How much of your time with me was just an act?” Taya asked.

“Like you can talk, little miss cutie pie. The important thing is that going forward, we don’t have to act anymore. Just don’t be too much of a scumbag and we should be good.”

“‘Kay, I guess. Does that mean I should just strive to be better than you?”

“Yep. I’m doing my best to make it easy for you. So, if there aren’t any other takeaways, shall we carry on?”

“Did Kat actually break your will?” Taya asked.

“Sort of. The night we moved into the new house, she broke into my room while I was sleeping, cuddled as close to me as she could, and then played me like a fiddle until I gave in and let her do as she would. The fact that she was able to so easily break through my magical lock and wrap herself around me in my sleep was more than enough to prove that one way or another, it was going to happen. So I decided to give in, though I’m still not sure if it was the right choice.”

“It was,” Taya said. “Now at least you get to enjoy her insanity instead of just fear it. I’m ready to move on now.”

“As you wish,” the guide said. Her eyes lit up and we popped up to our next adventure.

We appeared on a large lilypad in the middle of a bog. A past version of Taya and Twilight were lying on it, looking over a book. The Taya standing next to me was looking around in wonder. There were several large groves of trees around and I could hear insects chirping, but there was no movement around us.

“I’ve never been here before,” present-Taya said.

“This is my tree thing acting up,” I said. “If you were both lying like this, you were probably on a bed or the floor.”

“Either way, can we skip it?” she asked. “I don’t want you eavesdropping on me!”

“Too bad,” I said. “Besides, I like seeing how my favorite pony spends her time.”

“Twilight’s your favorite?” Taya asked.

“Don’t be silly, that’s my job. Now let’s listen.” She huffed, but thankfully shut up.

“She’ll be coming back soon,” Twilight said, patting past-Taya on the head. “They already found the new fire elemental and are currently just waiting for permission to retrieve him.”

“Why would they need permission?” Taya asked. “This is mommy we’re talking about, with all thirteen water elementals behind her.”

“The owner of the volcano in which he resides is the gigantic leader of the dragons, Pyrite,” Twilight said. “Due to some... unforeseen diplomatic issues, Pyrite would likely be hostile if the elementals attempted to invade his domain without permission.” Understatement of a lifetime.

“...Issues?” Taya slowly said. “What did mommy do this time?”

“During this trip, I have come to understand Nav better,” Twilight sighed. “Every time she found some new stupid way of getting in trouble, I always made the mistake of blaming her for it. But this trip opened my eyes in a way that nothing else ever could, so I can safely come to this conclusion: It absolutely was not Nav’s fault, at least this time.”

“Whoa. So you’re saying she really messed up, huh?”

“While I haven’t gotten the full story, the blame seems to lie almost solely on Celestia, with a small chunk going toward Reginald. I’m confident that the full story would only marginally change the amount of blame to go around.”

“So mommy really, really fucked up…” Taya sighed, plopping her head on the lilypad.

The real Taya standing next to me groaned. “Mommy, jump in the water so you don’t have to listen!”

“Your lack of confidence in me hurts,” I replied. “I was, at most, five percent to blame. Reginald probably took fifteen to twenty percent. The rest was on Celestia.”

My filly didn’t reply, so the vision continued as Twilight leaned over to nuzzle Taya. “I’m sure she’ll be willing to tell you bits and pieces of her trip when she gets back. And when I get the full story from her, I’ll give you even more bits and pieces. Between the two of us, you can decide for yourself how much she screwed up. But until then, shouldn’t you think about ways to spend time with her when she gets back?”

“Nah, no need,” Taya said. “It would be too much of a bother for her. The only time she’ll spend with me is on the battlefield, so I’d rather worry about being more useful.”

Present-Taya groaned and jumped toward the water so she wouldn’t have to hear more, but I grabbed her tail and made her fall. A firm grip on her tail kept her from trying to scramble away.

“Don’t worry, this is far from the worst thing I’ve heard about myself,” I said. It probably wasn’t much of a comfort, though. She seemed to be too embarrassed to reply, still. Either that or she just wanted to get it over with.

“Tell me about it,” Twilight sighed. “Catching Nav’s attention is almost impossible unless you’re useful. The only way I could get her to agree to be my travel partner is by offering to write books for her!”

“Travel partner?” Taya said. “Is that what you’re calling it? Mommy just calls you a fuckbuddy.” That actually made Twilight blush. “Well, that’s one of the things she calls you. She also enjoys Twatlight Spankle.”

“And just like that, I need to have another conversation about what she says and where,” Twatlight Spankle replied. “I’ve found that if you want to spend time with Nav, you need to think outside the box. Being useful is the quickest way, but if you can pique her interest with something, she’ll be all yours.”

“Isn’t the only thing that piques her interest sex? I think we both know where that road went.”

“For you,” Twilight said with a small smile. “As for me… There’s a festival coming up soon in Gryphus. I plan to invite Nav.”

“I thought mommy didn’t do parties, festivals, events, parades, or anything else that might be fun.”

“She doesn’t… normally. But there’s something quite special about this festival that involves the date and season. It’ll be in the middle of next month.”

It took some time for the gears in Taya’s head to churn, but after a few grueling seconds, she blinked. “W-wait… Isn’t Valentine’s Day coming up?”

“Nope,” Twilight said. “Hearts and Hooves Day is coming up. This festival is right up that alley.”

“Oh yeah, the pony version of Valentine’s Day,” Taya said with a nod. A few seconds later, it really hit her. “W-wait. You’re taking mommy to a Valentine’s festival?!”

“I don’t care what Nav calls it, it’s Hearts and Hooves Day,” Twilight said. “And the festival itself isn’t based around that day, but… Let’s just say it’ll be easy for me to keep Nav’s interest while we’re there, assuming she decides to join me.”

“I wanna go!” Taya immediately said.

“Nope, not gonna happen,” Twilight just as quickly replied. “And that’s absolutely not a point I will budge on. If anyone goes, it’ll be just me and Nav. You’ll have to think outside of your own box, Taya.”

“That’s too hard,” she whined. “It’s much easier to just peek outside of yours instead and then copy it, but better!”

“Then I’ll add an extra detail, something I was hoping not to. This festival is for adults only. Even if I was willing to let you go, Nav would never forgive me if I did. So that’s the end of it. I’ll be happy to brainstorm ways you can spend time with Nav, but she’s mine at the festival.”

“Ugh, life is suffering,” Taya sighed.

“Don’t take Nav’s human sayings,” Twilight said. “Especially the more disturbing and macabre ones like that.”

“Fine, then I wish I had just died at birth!”

“No you don’t,” Twilight said. “If you had, you never would have met Nav. And I know Nav doesn’t mean it, because she never would have met you!” For the record, now that I had learned what Discord planned for me, I wished more than ever to have never been born. Not that this record means anything, since nobody will ever see it and anyone who does will be killed by the traps on the way out.

“I’m not sure that’s true, actually,” Taya dubiously said.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not,” Twilight said. “Pretend it’s true long enough and you’ll force her to believe it, too. Now, if you really do want to be useful, I think studying might be more helpful than talking.”

“Can’t we just go blow some things up?” Taya asked. “I mean, doesn’t Celestia have a training area for stuff like this?”

“It’s difficult to make a training area durable enough for either of us, unfortunately,” Twilight said. “I asked her a few times if I could set up a teleportation circle to a desert so I could practice there, but she was afraid I’d somehow make a desert worse. So for now, reading is your best bet.”

“Then I guess I’ll read,” Taya sighed, finally turning her head back to the book. With that, it all turned gray.

“So why did you think it was all my fault?” I asked, finally letting Taya’s tail go.

“Because it’s always your fault,” she said. “I mean, isn’t it?” With that, she stopped pouting and finally stood.

“Depends on who you ask, I guess. In my eyes, no. I guess if my filly can’t sympathize with me, I truly have failed as a mother…”

“Obviously,” the guide said. “The fact that she even wanted to be an eternafilly should have been enough of a hint for that.”

“Don’t bully mommy,” Taya said, her horn lighting up.

“So, what are the takeaways here?” I asked. “Or was the goal just to embarrass Taya?”

“You’re not very approachable,” Love said, appearing before us.

“And you’re almost impossible to please,” Passion added, suddenly standing next to Love.

“This one is Passion,” I said, nodding at Cadance. I couldn’t remember if Taya had seen her yet, so I decided to remind her. “And yeah, I’ve been told those things before. Not being approachable was on purpose, because I generally don’t want to be approached. Being impossible to please was partially because of depression and partially because the people trying to please me were dumb.”

“I’m pretty sure you made Pinkie cry a few times,” Taya said. “It was worse when you found a way to blow off the parties entirely, but even when you showed up and just didn’t participate, she still at least teared up.”

“Maybe she should have stopped forcing me to attend,” I said. “I refuse to take the blame for making someone feel sad after they forced me to do something I find miserable. I told all of them multiple times that I didn’t like parties. I feel zero guilt for making Pinkie cry over it.”

“Couldn’t you at least pretend?” the guide asked.

“Lying is wrong,” I replied, crossing my arms. “I assumed telling the truth would make her stop. Turns out, the ponies are both dumb and annoying.”

“...I’m a pony, too,” Taya softly said, her ears drooping.

“No, you’re a tree sister,” I said, patting her head. That actually made her grin and got her ears to perk back up. “That said, I can no longer pretend I’m not important. That means I need to become approachable. And now that I’m actually feeling motivated to get out and do things, I’m hoping I’ll be easier to please. That doesn’t mean I’ll start enjoying parties.”

“There are few things that stoke your fires,” Passion said. “At the moment, violence is one of them. Be wary that it does not become your driving force. That is something that must always be watched for on the battlefield, especially when at war.”

“The goal of the war on Tartarus is to scare everyone to the point where they won’t want to fight us,” I said.

“Which might have the opposite reaction and make everyone team up against you,” Love said. “Magitech artillery stationed on airships might make some wary, after all.”

“...That wasn’t my only idea,” I said. “Anyway, I’ll be in charge of the war effort. I’ll let the others handle diplomacy. I’m sure it’ll work out. If all else fails, I’ll just go for world conquest and hope I finish before Discord gets bored and kills everyone.”

“Very optimistic,” Passion replied, rolling her eyes.

“So how are we supposed to kill the demons, anyway?” Taya asked. “I thought they were invincible in Tartarus.”

“Nothing’s completely invincible,” I said. “If we can’t kill them, I’m sure we can find some way to contain them. I think Celestia said they were weak against iron and silver. We can use a heavy nailgun to crucify them on an iron cross, then encase the cross in molten silver followed by tungsten. Finally, either dump them in a huge pit or toss them into the sun with magic.”

“What does crucify mean?” Taya asked, tilting her head.

“The only way I’ll ever answer that question is if I have to do it to someone. Basically, it’s a torturous execution method.”

Taya snorted and looked over to the guide. “What does crucify mean?”

The guide cleared her throat and Pain appeared with a smile. A moment later, a cross appeared behind her. I decided to turn away so I didn’t have to watch. Unfortunately, I still heard the meaty thuds, Taya’s horrified gasps, and Pain’s horrific, maddening laughter.

“That is what crucify means,” the guide sweetly said when the last nail was driven. Pain was still giggling, but at least her cackle was gone. “Any more questions?”

“...Sorry for not trusting you, mommy,” Taya said. At least she finally managed to tear her eyes away from what was probably a grisly sight.

“So, anything else?” I asked, still facing the other way.

“Not necessarily,” Love whispered right next to my right ear.

“We’d be happy to stay here for a while,” Passion breathlessly added next to my left ear.

“While a threesome with Love and Passion would probably feel amazing, I’m not going to do it while my daughter is here and there’s a crucified cat looking down on us and giggling.”

“Tch, tease!” Pain called.

“Alright, let’s move on,” I said. The guide’s eyes lit up and we did just that.