Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GKO-pAciF3SlPtK7zw_c3lFdRfs-RE-hj1-LNflQK6c/edit

Cadance = Passion
Twilight = Reason
Spike = Pride
Taya = Hope
Moonbeam/Chrysalis = Love
Kat = Pain
Blaze = Rage
Luna = Fear

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When we got back to the glade, I sighed and finally tried to relax. Running into Miguel was actually unexpected and despite being relatively easy to kill, his maze grated my nerves. “Would you happen to know how to give a massage?” I asked.

“I do,” she said. “One of your messages this time was from Spike, who actually gave you a massage while talking. I learned everything I needed to know while he was working.”

“Huh. Well, can you do that while I’m getting the messages?”

“Sure.” Her body engulfed me and started feeling me up in most of the right ways. “The first message is from Watcher. Are you prepared?”

“Yep.”

The crotchety old man’s voice filled my ears. “I don’t like this place, Nav. You shouldn’t have done the coma here. I can feel the weight of it all pressing down on me. Although to be fair, it’s my opinion that you shouldn’t have done the coma at all. I’m sure Doppel told you, but we got together and decided to limit our visits to give you more time to focus. So of course, that means we have to make them count.”

“He says, while beating around the bush,” I muttered.

“It was recommended that we suggest things for you to change. I have a few. First, your behavior. You’re too blunt, you curse too often, and you share far too many inappropriate things. It wasn’t as big of a deal before you became a noble, but you need to improve. It’s hard to set an example if your behavior is worse than those you lead.”

“I’ve already decided to work on oversharing. I never really thought about how often I say naughty words, but I guess it is kinda a lot. And being blunt is too fun to give up, so nah.”

“Second, I would recommend more discretion in your lustful affairs. You’re walking a tightrope with the griffin princess. If you get caught, your options would likely be marrying her or never going back to Gryphus. That’s not to mention the vast amount of other partners you quite openly toy with.”

“Already agreed to work on that,” I said with a nod.

“And as an addendum to that, I would also recommend picking a single partner and marrying her. Preferably Celestia, Moonbeam, or Princess Gilda. I’m not picky, as long as she has a crown on her head. You’re too good for anything less, no offense to Twilight.”

“That’s real funny, old man.”

“Third, I’d like you to work on your pride. Namely, having some. For the most part, it seems like you hate yourself and don’t care about anything you’ve accomplished. I’m not entirely sure what all the coma is showing you, but I hope it’s helping you see how much you’ve done in how little time. I’ll admit there are some things about you that are easy to hate, but there’s more good than bad.”

“Did he just say he hated me?” That actually made my guide giggle.

“Fourth, you need to deal with your vicious attack filly. I’m hesitant to say she traumatized fully trained soldiers, but more than half of them came to me afterward, saying it was the creepiest thing they’ve ever heard. You need to get Taya under control.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“And finally… I don’t want to project and I don’t want to assume, but… It appears you’re having issues completely adjusting to your new gender. It’s one thing I didn’t want to talk about with the others. Doppel’s talking about how much fun it’ll be to dress you up for the pageant and it takes everything in me not to tell her you’d rather die. Gourd says you’re having trouble and just need time and more help to adjust, but I’m not sure any amount of time will fix something this broken. To me, it seems obvious that you aren’t handling it well.”

“Well, that’s two vassals who noticed,” I said.

“The main problem is that I’m not really sure how to fix it,” he said. “Everywhere I’ve looked, I’ve kept my eyes open for any kind of gender-swapping spells to no avail. I just know that what we’re doing now doesn’t seem to be working. I’d be happy if you came out of the coma and told me I’m wrong, but… I’m not holding my breath.”

“Tell me about it,” I sighed.

“You definitely have other flaws, but those are the biggest ones I’ve noticed. I won’t take up more of your time. All I ask is that you return to us quickly… my lord.” And with that, my new favorite vassal left me alone.

“It’s sad that my vices are so obvious,” I said.

“But it’s good that you’re willing to admit to them,” my guide said. “And better still that you seem inclined to fix them.”

“I reckon. So I have a message from Spike, too?”

“Yes. Are you ready for it?”

“My body is prepared.”

“Sup, Nav? What’s up with that Hera chick? She actually screamed when she saw me!”

“Oh lord,” I sighed.

“Thankfully, Athena had a squirt bottle ready to calm her down. But I mean… you’ve mentioned legends about dragons before. Are we really that scary to most humans?”

“Why is he asking me questions?” I asked.

“Because he’s friendly and talkative,” my guide replied. “Why is your body always so tense?”

“It’s all weird and fucked up, so keeping it upright is a struggle.”

“Twilight told me not to talk to or about them much, so I guess I should get to it. First off, you’ve been in here for about two and a half weeks now.”

“God damn,” I said, shaking my head. “I think the last I heard was five days, from Kat. I’m actually surprised I haven’t had more visits.”

“Flo and Aqua have been playing gatekeeper,” my guide said. “They informed the others that visits are welcome, but to keep talking to a minimum so you’ll have more time to concentrate. How long did you spend just listening to Kat and Taya ramble?”

“And since you’ve been here so long, I figure your body is probably being neglected. I decided I’d come in and make sure you didn’t have bedsores or anything like that. I’ll also make sure you’re clean and whatnot. Though it definitely looks like your hair has been maintained.”

“I’m pretty sure Hera and Athena volunteered to do that, but I wouldn’t be too surprised if they got bored and forgot.”

“You’ve been well taken care of,” my guide said. “Spike was just concerned and wanted to double-check.”

“I also figured I’d give you a massage while I’m here. I’m not sure if it’ll help you in there, but from the amount you’re twitching, I’d say you’re fighting something. Definitely no bedsores. And… Hm. You don’t have any scent at all. That’s… weird, but probably a sign that you are being taken care of. Good.”

“How do I have no scent?” I asked.

“Hera’s magic,” my guide said. “Taya and Kat were both upset about it.”

“And of course, I also wanted to talk. So I guess I’ll start with this: Thank you. You have done… so much for me. You helped fix my diet, finally letting me grow. You protected me in Egypt at your own expense. You helped me find dragons to learn more than I ever thought I could. You showed me that I was nothing to Rarity and when I was broken by it, you gave me a chance to leave Equestria behind and start anew. I finally got to repay some of that debt by saving your life and earning my wings, but then you ruined it in Iceland by getting tortured because you murdered someone for me.”

“I feel like you may have skipped a few.”

“I know you get tired of having praise heaped on you, so I figured I’d get it out of the way all at once. Oh wait, I do have one more. Your pussy is like magic. It just… milked me dry. So I hope you don’t mind if we do that more later. Gilda wants to watch.”

“Can’t say I’m surprised,” I said, shaking my head.

“So, Doppel suggested I talk about ways I think you can improve. Well, I hesitate to say you’re perfect, but I usually leave your side feeling happier and better than when I join you. In fact, it’s fair to say a good chunk of who I am is because of you. This is the part where you’d make a sarcastic remark about how that’s either sad or not a good thing and then I’d start to hug you before remembering that I promised not to anymore. Which is what I think you can improve. Not the hug thing, the self-deprecation thing.”

“I feel like I could probably improve the hug thing, too.”

“Like, sometimes what you say is funny, but usually it’s… sad. And you say it so often that… Well, some of us are starting to wonder how much you really believe it. So, let’s start busting some of your bullshit, shall we? We can begin with the example before, about how you’d say me learning how to act from you is bad. You taught me how to be a predator, Nav. I would have spent eternity floundering for meaning in Equestria, assuming Celestia didn’t force me into something horrific. But now, you’re showing me how to pick my own path. It’s obvious that a lot of your behaviors are bad, and those aren’t the ones I try to emulate. But you’ve changed a lot in your time here. And the traits I like to think I’ve learned from you are things like humility, patience, and more recently, honesty.”

“I struggled with that one for a while. I kinda turned the dial so far it broke, though. I’m also picking up Celestia’s bad habit of talking around the truth.”

“You also helped teach me to fight. You helped me learn about chicks. I’m not sure you’re right about Gilda, but… I don’t expect things with her to last. Still though, it’s pretty fun. I learned from you that sometimes, that’s worth its weight in gold. I don’t go overboard with it like you, though. Your vagina’s getting closer to a clown cart these days, isn’t it?”

“Says the guy who just called it magic and begged for more.”

“And you definitely taught me a lesson I’ll never forget about Rarity. In fact, I’d say most of my important life lessons came from you. So there’s no reason for you to think me learning from you is bad. After all, I have more sense than you, so I can apply the lessons I learn from you much better. I’m not gonna do dumb things like forming a herd with the most powerful chicks on the planet while denying the whole time it’s happening or calling my daughter a pet and rubbing her tummy all the time.”

“I’m feeling a little attacked right now.”

“Another thing you like saying is how it’s sad that you’re the best friend I have. And while I will admit it’s true, it isn’t for the reasons you always imply. It’s sad you’re the best friend I have because I was surrounded by wonderful mares who were great friends to… each other. I was always included and welcome, and yet… Well, it’s hard for a predator to fit in with prey, I guess. But then you showed up. Suddenly I had someone who needed me more than anyone ever had. And not only did you need me, but you were… truly and honestly grateful.”

“I guess that’s more than what you were used to, huh?”

“And then Egypt happened and I learned everything I needed to know about who my true friend was. I won’t keep listing everything because you call most of them mental scabs, but we both know what you’ve done for me. And we both know it’s a lot more than any of the ponies. And even though you’ve been through so many hardships… you’re still happy to help me. You may complain and guilt trip me every now and then, but you help nonetheless. There’s nothing sad about that. Plus, most importantly, you still haven’t told anybody about that one time with Fizzle…”

“Yet.”

“You’ve really shown me the magic of friendship,” Spike said, somehow managing to not sound sarcastic at all. “Which is the part where you’d call it gay. And then I’d say that it can’t be gay because you don’t have a dick anymore. It’s a cute, puffy little vagina now. And then I'd wish you’d threaten me like you used to. Back before… Well, before you gave up entirely. Ever since South America, you’ve withdrawn more and more into yourself. You’ve done so much for me, and yet… you won’t even let me do you the kindness of listening. You’ve been there for every hardship I’ve ever faced, and you can’t even talk to me about your problems…”

“Bitch, I can’t talk to anybody about my problems. Not even Flo and Aqua, who know me better than I know myself. That’s why I had to go into a coma where nobody else could possibly interfere.”

“If you take anything from this coma, Nav… Remember that your friends want to be there for you, too. You… You don’t talk about your old life much. You know, before… Equestria. But almost everything you’ve said sounds unpleasant. And from what I know about you… Well, I’m not surprised you have problems trusting people. But I owe you so much. I would be honored to start paying it back.”

“...Every time I try, the things I tell people get spread around. What’s the point in trying to trust someone if every time you do, it ends up with another knife in your heart?”

“That was before you earned their undying loyalty,” my guide said. “Now, they are tied to you so strongly that your secrets are as good as their own. You don’t have to withdraw in on yourself anymore.”

“I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to steer the conversation away from you for a bit,” Spike said. “Though I guess it doesn’t matter if you do mind, since you’re kinda stuck. I finally met… the new Celestia. She… told me things. Plans the old her had. Plans… for me. The new Celestia doesn’t approve of the old.”

“And yet the old Celestia was your mother,” I said.

“And the new Celestia wants me back in the palace, under her wing. I… agreed.”

“Color me surprised.”

“I wanted to talk to you first, but I didn’t want to wait a month. I am still very much at your side, Nav. But she needs me. She’s working on taking everything over seamlessly, but the workload was too much to handle before she stopped being evil. Now that she can’t just kill ponies anymore, the work is piling up.”

“She has gold. She needs to hire people to fill the positions that are lacking. If she is overworked, she has literally nobody but herself to blame.”

“I have to say, though, now that she’s tamed? Nav, you need to wake up. She hired a new chef who can work wonders with meat. Breakfast hasn’t been the same since!”

“Now why would Celestia go and do a thing like that?” I asked no one in particular. “Go out and get herself a new, meat-friendly chef? That’s a weird thing for a prey species to do, isn’t it?”

“Perhaps to cater to her predator son?” my guide asked. “Or perhaps to cater to the one she believes is betrothed to her?”

“We’ve come a long way, Nav. Over a painful, winding, dangerous road. And I’ve watched you grow and change the whole way. You started as a rough, kinda oblong looking stone. And over time, and with work and effort, you have become the most polished jewel in all of Equestria. Now that you’ve finally settled in Canterlot, I’m positive all the nobles with unmarried sons will be all over you. And I’m positive I’ll be there to tell every single one of them that they’re not good enough for you. Taya and I worked out all the details. I have to approve of whoever you marry and I’ll be giving you away at the ceremony. She gets to be your best filly.”

“It seems everyone has spent more time thinking about who I’m marrying than I have.”

“So all that’s left is you finding just the right person for you. And as someone who has lived with both you and Twilight, and as someone who likes both you and Twilight, I feel safe to say… it’s not Twilight. Just uh… don’t tell her I said that. But you deserve a crown on your head, Nav. And it’s much nicer to put one there with a ring than with a sword, isn’t it?”

“Why would I deserve a crown?”

“Get out of your coma quickly, Nav. I miss you.” And with that, my scaliest companion left.

“Taya will be joining you soon,” my guide said. “In just a few more days.”

“She will. I was hoping I’d be done by then, but I guess she’ll be forced to witness some of it.”

“It will do her good to see what mommy had weathered for her filly. Are you prepared for the last of your messages?”

“I thought you said I only had one.”

“That changed. Are you prepared for the last of your messages?”

“Yep.”

“Hello, Navarone,” Flo said.

“Well, I wasn’t expecting that. How the hell did she even get in here?”

“I didn’t, and it isn’t actually a message. It’s a conversation, but you’re mostly going to be listening. And since I’m talking anyway…” She appeared in front of me, reached down, and snatched me out of my guide’s watery embrace so she could put me into her own. “There, much better.”

“Well, I guess this isn’t technically interfering. So, are you here to yell at me?”

“No. First, I am here to defend myself against your guide’s accusations. I did not create Celestia as the perfect wife for you. However, her original personality was already fairly close to something you could fall in love with. Once I got rid of the evil and cleaned up a few of her other nasty little traits, it’s only obvious you would find it easier to grow close to her. And while you may consider this a new Celestia, she considers herself the same. She expected to pick her relationships back up with no interruptions. That is why she offered sex and that is why she offered marriage.”

“So why would my guide think otherwise?”

“Because you still do not trust me. You rely on me. You love me. But you do not trust me.”

“How could I not trust you? You know pretty much everything about me.”

“You don’t trust anyone. That’s why you don’t tell anyone your secrets. And that’s why you never discuss them with me. I could have helped you through every single one of your problems, had you only let me. Instead, you chose this conceited method of torturing yourself.”

“I’m learning valuable information.”

“Valuable information that may or may not be true. There’s no telling how accurate these visions really are. And most of it is old news anyway.”

“Context is vital for how I treat my crew moving forward. There may have been better ways to work through my problems, but I don’t see what’s wrong with this one.”

“I know you don’t, Nav,” Flo sighed. “The rest of your friends get to give you suggestions. I’m going to as well. The first is to talk to me. Please, Nav. I’ll beg if I have to. Just stop letting yourself suffer in silence. It… kills me to watch.”

“...‘Kay.”

“If you don’t give me a better, more heartfelt answer, I’m going to tickle you.”

“I’ve never been one for talking about my problems. My family made me think sharing your problems was a sign of weakness, that you always needed to be able to sort your own things out. Trying to get over that hump has been one of the biggest problems I’ve had in my time here. I’ve tried at times, but… It doesn’t usually work out. But if I can’t trust you, you have no business being in my head. And if that’s what you think it’ll take for me to trust you, then I guess that’s what I’ll have to do.”

“Was that so hard?” she sweetly asked.

“Don’t stoop to Aqua’s level.” That actually made her turn a few shades bluer. “Speaking of her, is she going to have a conversation with me, too?”

“I don’t know,” Flo replied. “But my next request does involve her. I request that you kill her personality and be done with it. Keeping her chained to you as she is will only end in disaster, I’m sure of it. You can continue killing her piece by piece, but she’s old and wily and I might not always be there to make sure she does not lead you astray. Just reset her and release her from your control.”

“I’ll wait until I get to that part in the coma to make a decision on that, but I’m inclined to agree. The idea of my very own pet war hero elemental is nice, but for one, I don’t much care for slavery. Two, I share your concern that she’s not entirely toothless yet. And three, humiliating her is kinda getting old. Besides, she keeps begging me to reset her anyway, so it’s only fair.”

“You’ve heard now from two of your followers who recognize that you are having difficulties adjusting to your gender. I can confirm that it’s true. With the flick of a switch, Aqua or I could change that for you. You’ll still have the same personality, you just won’t be bothered by your change anymore. And if the option ever presents itself to turn back, we can change you right back to the way you were. No more unhappiness, no more misery, and you’ll still be you.”

“We’ll see what the coma has to say about it before I make that choice. I wanted to avoid it, but if I can’t adjust normally and there really is no way back, lobotomizing myself might be the only option. No reason to continue being unnecessarily miserable, I guess.”

“That seems like a dangerous way of thinking,” my guide asked. “You were upset when she erased your unnecessary depression.”

“She didn’t tell me she was doing it. Here, she gave me the option. Plus, I no longer balk so heavily at the idea of mind control. I mean, Cutelestia seems pretty upbeat and happy. It might not be too late to just let Aqua completely wipe my mind so I effectively die, then let them build someone else so I don’t have to suffer anymore.”

“You don’t get to say things like that anymore,” Flo said. “If Taya heard it, she might well kill all of the elementals in case you get any ideas.”

“You’re so selfish,” I muttered.

“Do you have any messages for the outside world?” Flo asked.

“No. If I send any of them a message, all the ones I don’t send anything to will get jealous. You did give Doppel the tentacle monster treatment though, right?”

“I did. She said she’ll be practicing in a similar shape to return the favor to you when you get out.”

“...Oh. Do you have any other requests for me?”

“I have many, many more, but I will only voice one for now. Stop thinking of Celestia as a new being. She is, but it will make things much easier if you just consider her the best parts of the old one.”

“It will make what things much easier?” I asked. “We’re already working together fairly well. Things are promising as they are.”

“For one, she will be happier. Celestia knows she has large shoes to fill. Being reminded so often makes her feel uneasy. For two, it will help her adjust to her new role much more easily. Every time the fact that she isn’t the same Celestia is brought up, it makes her question if she’s doing a good enough job. She’s trying hard to keep everything running as it is. Third, it will help you get over the trauma that the old Celestia did to you. Put her out of your mind, Nav. She’s gone, and Celestia as she is now will never hurt you. And last, it will help the others adjust, too. If you take the lead on accepting her, the others will follow.”

“...Do I have to give a heartfelt answer to this one, too?”

“All of your answers should be heartfelt, my precious little Navi,” she sweetly replied. “Especially when given to your favorite elemental!”

“At the end, I realized I hated Celestia. I hated her evil actions, I hated her bitchy attitude, and I hated her whitewashed history. I was trying to think of your Celestia as a new one to distance her from the darkness of the old. It isn’t a disservice to her or her skills. It’s to honor her as a true second chance. As you said, she is a new version entirely. Tell her to revel in it, not shy away from it.”

“...So you do have a message for someone, then.”

“If you want to take it that way, sure. Did you tell her what I know about my pull?”

“I did. She was happy to have it confirmed, but utterly horrified at what it means. So many things have happened centered around you. Many were likely caused by the pull. At the moment, she’s agreed to keep it to herself and start looking for ways to possibly counteract it.”

“Cool. Then is there anything else?”

“I want you to rely on me, Nav. And until you trust me, you never will. So if you give any of my requests thought, let it be that one. I would love to help you truly get through your problems, not merely find ways to cope with them.”

“I guess if push comes to shove, we can just increase what all gets snipped if we go for the lobotomy route. That way, my trust in you would be proven by letting you just—”

“I already said you don’t get to say things like that anymore,” Flo replied. “Don’t make me think of a punishment for it.”

“I don’t understand why you won’t just let me kill myself. No one would even have to know. Everyone expects me to be different when I get out of here, so you can just make me into whatever you want.”

“Because I want you to be my host, not my ideal version of you. Farewell for now, Navi. I may visit again before the coma is done.” She tossed me back into my guide and vanished, leaving me alone in my mind.

“Your elemental mistrusts us,” my guide said.

“That’s not surprising. Any more messages?”

“No. Why is it not surprising?”

“You questioned her motives involving Celestia. Of course that’ll sow distrust.”

“Hm. Are you prepared to move on?”

“Yep. Let’s do it.” She set me back on my feet and her eyes flashed.

We ended up in a sitting room in the Crystal Empire. Twilight and her friends were there, along with Cadance. If I had to guess, I’d say it was right after I told everyone the truth about my time in Equestria.

Somewhat surprisingly, Fluttershy was the first to talk. “Poor Nav…”

“He was actually telling the truth,” Applejack muttered.

“I always wondered what happened to him,” Cadance sighed, shaking her head. “Hearing it all laid out so plainly is… unsettling.”

“I can’t believe some of us are guilty, too!” Dash shouted, glaring at Pinkie.

“It was a mistake made long ago,” Rarity said, which made Dash’s glare change targets. “It was an awful deed that Nav has since forgiven.”

“...I don’t think he’ll be so quick to forgive the princesses,” Pinkie slowly said.

“So what are we going to do about this, girls?” Twilight asked.

“I don’t think Nav would want us doing anything at all,” Applejack said. “I’m pretty sure that if he wanted something done, he’d ask us.”

“That’s nonsense,” Rarity said. “That poor colt doesn’t know how to ask his friends for anything. That’s why we had to force him to tell us the truth!”

“Is that the same reasoning you used when you raped him?” Cadance sweetly asked, making Rarity flinch. “I lived with Nav for a while. I learned that the one mistake you do not make is assuming that you’re doing a favor by going out of your way to do something for him when he doesn’t ask you to. Due to the way his crazy human brain works, he thinks you’re insulting him half the time.”

“We could throw him a festival!” Pinkie said. “He said he hates just about every party, but seems to like those!”

“I don’t think Nav would really appreciate that,” Twilight said. “Even if it’s so obvious that he’s hurting. I just want to hold him and tell him it’ll be alright…”

“Sometimes just being there is enough,” Fluttershy said with a small nod. “Maybe we should just hold him close!”

The door opened and Shiny walked in. “Nav’s gone.”

Dash was instantly in his face, hovering in the air. “WHAT?!”

His horn lit up and she got stuffed into a purple bubble so he could push her back. “He went back to his airship for now. I think he wanted to get out of the palace before you had any scary ideas about how to comfort him.” The bubble popped and Dash returned to her seat with a huff.

“They were cute ideas, not scary!” Cadance said. “They were just about to decide on a group hug!”

“I’m relatively confident that Nav doesn’t enjoy group hugs,” Rarity said. “He always seemed to dread them.”

“No, he secretly enjoys hugging ponies,” Pinkie said. “Especially mares, because we’re nice and squishy. I’m his favorite!”

“...How do you know that?” Twilight asked.

“I read his diaries, duh! They’re really neat!”

“I know one thing we could do,” Applejack said. “We could ban Pinkie from invading his privacy!”

“But then how would we be able to find out things like how he and Rarity got arrested for treason or that he had a threesome with Twilight and Luna?”

“We wouldn’t!” Applejack said. “And we shouldn’t!”

“Agreed,” Twilight said with a massive blush.

“I’ve never been arrested in my life!” Rarity said.

“We’re getting off topic!” Dash said. “Nav’s trying to hide from us again! What are we gonna do to help him get over his trauma? If he doesn’t like group hugs, that’s obviously a bust!”

“He likes sex!” Pinkie helpfully said.

“Sex is what caused most of his issues,” Cadance said. “And besides, you’d have to fight Kumani for him. That said, Rarity could make her some fun outfits. He seems to enjoy those!”

“Lingerie for a dragon?” Rarity slowly said. “That seems like an interesting challenge…”

“Is there anything cool to do in the city?” Dash asked. “Maybe if he spends some time just hanging out with his awesome pals, his mind will be in a better place.”

“I ain’t sure Nav considers us his pals,” Applejack said. “Why else would he leave in the middle of the night without telling almost anypony?”

“Because he doesn’t like goodbyes, duh,” Pinkie said. “You heard him!”

“Won’t the party tomorrow cheer him up?” Shiny asked.

“No, Nav hates parties,” Cadance said.

“That’s nonsense,” Rarity replied, waving a hoof. “He’s just stubborn about his image.”

“It’s impossible to not like Pinkie’s parties,” Twilight said. “I don’t know why he always pretends he’s miserable at them.”

“He just likes complaining,” Pinkie sighed. “But it does hurt my feelings when he lies…”

“I’m pretty sure he ain’t lyin’ about that, actually,” Applejack said.

“You believe almost everything he says is a lie,” Dash said. “Why’s this any different?”

“I get a feeling in my gut when ponies lie to me. I get it around Nav a lot, but not when he complains about parties.”

“Then you’re obviously just misreading him,” Twilight said. “To be honest, even I still have problems sometimes. Maybe your lie detector doesn’t work as well on other species.”

“Are you sure he’s not just… different?” Fluttershy quietly asked. “I don’t always like going to parties either…”

“But you like some parties, right?” Dash said. “Nav doesn’t like any!”

“...I’m starting to see why he didn’t want to say anything,” Shiny slowly said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Dash shouted, hopping off her couch to square up with the much larger stallion.

Cadance’s horn lit up and Dash got pushed back into her seat. “We all have our own duties to attend. That includes Nav. While I admit he needs the support of his friends right now, his friends happen to have important business that needs doing. We can brainstorm ways to help him later, after your shock has had time to subside. Until then, I don’t want anypony doing anything big without talking to me first.”

“Why do we need permission to be good friends?” Rarity asked.

“Because I would like to offer my advice on any solution you may have. I lived with Nav for a while and will be able to offer insight.”

“I lived with him, too!” Twiggles quickly said.

“And two minds are better than one,” Cadance sweetly said. “Consider this practice for me. Now that I have a city of my own to rule, I’ll need to work on my conflict resolution skills. Giving advice about my favorite human seems like a good way to get started.”

“...Makes sense, I suppose,” Twilight said. Shiny sighed in relief. “What was that for?!”

“N-nothing!” Thankfully, the memory stopped before they could start ganging up on him.

“And so the position of best princess returns to Cadance,” I said, crossing my arms.

“Why did you tell them the truth?” Pain asked. “These mares are worthless.”

“I like Dash and Twiggles enough to tolerate the rest. Also, I hurt Fluttershy enough to tolerate any amount of nonsense from her.”

“Do you regret telling them?” Reason asked.

“No. I didn’t want to, but they already knew enough that the rest wasn’t too much worse. Besides, I was hoping it would help them see Celestia for what she truly was, if they somehow hadn't yet. I don’t think it worked.”

“Of course it didn’t,” Pain said. “Those girls were way too indoctrinated.”

“Well, at least I won Twilight over in the end. So what’s the takeaway here?”

“These girls are terrible friends,” Pain said.

“I disagree,” I said. “Bad friends, maybe, but not terrible. At least they care enough to try cheering me up, even if their methods were bad.”

“They certainly didn’t seem to know you very well,” Reason said. “Especially if they thought you really were faking your hatred for parties.”

“...Yeah. I honestly don’t understand it. Is that really the takeaway?”

“How close can they really be if they understand you so poorly?” Reason asked. “Even now, Twilight pushes your buttons all the time on purpose and on accident.”

“I’m hardly innocent of that, but it does start to grate. Shouldn’t you be encouraging me to get closer to them, not try to get me to cut them off?”

“We aren’t trying to do anything but show you the truth,” Reason said. “And the truth is that they do not know you very well. They are not very close to you. Whether that means you should cut ties with them completely, attempt to strengthen the bonds, or leave them as they are is entirely up to you.”

“...I’m a monster created by Discord. Those girls are the Elements of Harmony. We’ve already seen how far I've corrupted them in my time here. If I spend any more time with them, I’m likely to make them even worse.”

“So what does that mean for your relationship with Twilight?” Pain asked.

“At this point, I think she’s corrupting me more than I’m corrupting her. But it seems my followers think I’m destined for a crown. After watching all of these memories, a part of me is starting to like the idea of it. If I get some manner of solid authority base, the chances of anybody ever being able to fuck with me decreases dramatically. Having a crown on my head means I will be guiding the pawns.”

“Flo is inclined to believe Twilight is being prepped for princesshood,” my guide said.

“Maybe. But two of my friends also seemed to think Twilight isn’t the right option. I’ve had my doubts in the past. If I add being a royal to the list of requirements, that would cut the list down to just Celestia, Gilda, and Moonbeam. And if you take out anyone who might be controlled by Discord, you hopefully just have Celestia and Gilda.”

“And take out anyone not mind-controlled by a water elemental to be the perfect wife, you’re down to just Gilda,” my guide said. “And do you really want to marry Gilda?”

“...No. She’s infatuated with me because I’m exotic, I have the pull, I’m a chick, and I’m pretty good at seducing haughty princesses. I don’t think she would be the best partner. I just don’t really know if any of my other choices are that much better…” I fell silent for a few long seconds before shaking my head. “I think it might be time I start distancing myself from Twilight’s friends. I really don’t want to make them worse.”

“Are you sure they might not make you better?” Pain asked. “Now that you know what manner of abomination you are, you can see to better yourself and cease corrupting those around you.”

“...Are you feeling alright?” I slowly asked. “That actually sounded optimistic!”

“You’ve been letting go of old pain,” my guide said. “It has consequences.”

“Don’t you want your friends to help you get over me?” Pain asked.

“Twilight often says that friendship is magic,” I said. “I personally think it’s one of the gayest things I’ve ever heard, and yet… Maybe distancing myself isn’t the correct option. But to be honest, I don’t really have much in common with any of them. I don’t know.”

“Of course you know,” Reason said. “They won’t let you just distance yourself from them. Pinkie and Dash will hunt you down no matter where you try to hide.”

“Which is why you shouldn’t distance yourself,” Pain said. “If they’re so persistent when they’re not that great of friends, imagine how close they’ll be once you really have them on your side!”

“You’ll just have to let them get to know the real you so they can actually get close to you,” Reason added with a nod. “Instead of hiding behind your emotional walls and doing your best to push others away.”

“Sounds like work. Being miserable and bitterly lonely is so much easier…”

“Are you prepared to move on?” my guide asked.

I took a quick look around the room before walking over to the past version of Twilight. After poking her a few times to see if she was soft, I shoved my face against her squishy side. It was all kinds of warm and fuzzy. When I got tired of it, I stood back up and nodded. “I’m good to go.” My guide’s eyes lit up and we took off.

We appeared in Athena’s control room, standing on the balcony. The floor was covered in grass that kept growing, then turning brown and withering away before growing right back. The goddess herself stood before us, staring down. I walked over next to her and realized she was watching our progress.

“What is a human doing here?” Athena mused aloud. “We are all dead, are we not?”

“Most of us,” I said.

“He is certainly unprepared for this task. The unicorn is more able than most I’ve seen, though. Given what they said when they first arrived, I do not think they knew what they were getting into.”

“We certainly didn’t,” I said. “It was an unpleasant surprise.”

“...Now that I think about it, there have been other humans. Hm…” She reached a hand out and a book appeared. She set it on the railing and started turning pages before stopping. “One.” She started turning pages again, faster. “Two.” The pages began flying even faster. “Three and four. All… the same exact length of time apart. All male. All with similar features. All… Oh. That’s an interesting little trick, isn’t it?”

I walked over to see if I could read her book, but it was in another language. “So she had other versions of me in here,” I said.

“It seems so,” my guide replied.

“Very, very interesting coincidence. No wonder my agents gave the book to this one as well. It’s been exactly the same number of years since the last human was here. There’s something special about him. The question is… does he know it yet?”

“She never told me about the others.”

“You didn’t trust her. Is it any surprise that she didn’t trust you?” That was a fair point, I guess.

“Well, that’s one question of many. What’s special about you, aside from coming back here in a consistent pattern? Your combat ability is acceptable, but you don’t seem to have any magic. It looks like you might be a tree brother, but even that wouldn’t account for how you’ve lived for so long. Especially given that you’re still mostly human instead of mostly fae. I do so enjoy mysteries. I hope he survives…”

“We both almost didn’t,” I said.

“Seeing spells in action is interesting. They’re so much more direct than magic. I think I would like to meet this Luna and talk magic theory with her. It’s a shame this unicorn isn’t actually a warrior. Without the human to goad her, she would be worthless.”

“Twilight didn’t handle killing very well. And I didn’t handle her mishandling of it very well. That’s part of what led to her becoming Aqua’s host.”

“So they actually know of Discord. And from the way they’re speaking, he’s free again. Very, very interesting.” She looked back at her book and flicked to all four entries. “Discord was either free when these four arrived or was freed shortly after. Am I dealing with an agent of his? They each had muta—” The book fell from her grasp, disappearing before hitting the floor, and she suddenly looked up. “I read about this. So very, very long ago. Janitors, to me!”

Several paper golems started climbing over the walls and squeezing through the archways. The lanky things were spooky and made almost no noise as they walked. Soon enough, ten of them stood before us.

“Fae legends about Discord, post-fall, code words human, mutation.” All ten of them began spreading back out. “Wait!” They froze. “Not fae. Tree sibling legends.” They continued moving. “There’s something very, very special about you. Let me… remember.” She fell backwards into a chair that suddenly appeared. It folded out into a bed and both of her eyes faded completely gray.

While she was apparently remembering, the golems started coming back, each ferrying a single book. They carefully stacked the books next to Athena’s chair, all doing their best to avoid disturbing her. Most of the books seemed ancient, but a few looked enchanted and brand new.

After about three minutes, Athena blinked and leaned back up. “I remember all four of them now. They were all travelers from the past, but refused to tell me anything about who they really were. Each was able to build up a fairly sizable retinue and all of them were able to greatly change the world. And in turn, all of them were greatly changed, warped into becoming more like… Discord. And none knew about it before he introduced himself…”

That revelation really pissed me off. “What the absolute fuck?” I asked as she started picking through the books. “She knew from the start!”

“Ah hah,” she said, finally picking up one of the enchanted books. “The Legend of Eris, Most Cursed of All. That’s not a promising title, is it?”

“No it is not,” I said, crossing my arms.

Athena speed-read the thing like a fucking champ, getting through the entire thing in literally seconds. “Well then. It’s unlikely Discord can get to me from here, but reading the list of consequences to those who tell Eris her intended fate makes me highly question having her in here at all. Well, him, for now. It honestly would be better if he died in here.”

“I’m not leaving Athena’s realm without that book,” I said.

“So that means a piece of Discord has made it through my traps five times,” Athena slowly said. “Hm. Well, none of the others were assassins and there’s no way he knows any magic. Those spells are harmless against me, so I doubt they mean me any ill will.” She looked up at the maze displayed before her, watching me and Twilight fight a giant ink blob. A few seconds later, she snapped the book shut and it disappeared. “I can’t tell him now. Even if he did believe me, there is no escaping his fate. I will tell him in time, should I determine he’s trustworthy.”

“That’s not very comforting at all,” I said. “I thought humans were supposed to support each other.”

“You’re not a human,” my guide said. “You’re just a soulless abomination.”

“At this rate, they’re going to succeed. Janitors, clear away the book piles from the entrance. We have guests on the way.” The memory finally went gray.

“Fuck old people,” I immediately said. “Fuck ‘em.”

“That’s rude,” Fear said. I turned around and it was just her and Pain. “Granny Smith never hurt anypony!”

“Let me rephrase that. Fuck unnaturally old people, like Celestia, Luna, Reginald, and Athena. They’ve all either been using me, lying to me, or withholding extremely valuable information.”

“Athena seems to have had a reason,” Pain said. “Perhaps you should ask her why she didn’t tell you before you condemn her to be fucked.”

“So what’s the takeaway here, then?” I asked.

“One of the things you see as incredibly important is the freedom of information,” Fear said. “Not everyone shares that view. Some people believe they alone should have all of the information. You must always remember that, for the most part, people prefer to hoard their knowledge rather than share it.”

“I guess I’ll have to keep that in mind. Apparently some people prefer staying untrustworthy and a pain to be around.”

“Like you?” Pain sweetly asked.

“No, I got tired of it. That’s why I put myself into a coma. Do you have any suggestions for how to get these people to actually tell me what they know instead of being useless cuntmuffins?”

“Threaten to put them in a coma?” Fear mused.

“I doubt that would end well with Athena or Reginald. Do you have any helpful suggestions?”

“Work on your people skills,” Pain said. “You’re miserable to be around, almost constantly bitchy, petty, and you play word games to score little wins against people. If you were in any way pleasant, people might willingly tell you things instead of wanting to keep things to themselves. Instead, you prance about with your better-than-thou oh-look-how-sad-I-am act and expect pity instead of the rightful scorn you deserve.”

“...I thought you said she was changing,” I slowly said to my guide.

“She is,” my guide said, reaching over to boop me. “You asked for suggestions and she gave you one. Along with why the suggestion was a good thing, of course.”

“Of course. When I first got to Equestria, I was unhappy and bitter. Sometimes I took it out on the ponies. Over time, I’ve gotten real reasons to be unhappy and bitter and now I’m taking it out on people a lot more often. But it’s time I stop letting my past act as an excuse for my present. I can’t be a dick all the time just because I’ve been through unpleasant things. I should need an excuse in the present to be a dick.”

“Precisely,” Pain replied with a nod. “Except you can’t be a dick anymore. You can be a cunt, though. Not all the time, of course. Just when you have an excuse.”

“Although I never was a dick to Athena. Or a cunt to her. I probably wasn’t as nice as I could have been and I didn’t really go out of my way to do much for her, but…”

“You were afraid of her from the start,” Fear said. “And she could tell.”

“Who in the right mind wouldn’t be afraid of her?! She even terrified Celestia!”

“You were also disgusted by her from the start,” Pain said. “She could tell that, too.”

I sighed and walked over to the withered old mutant. To be honest, her body was grotesque. There was no fat anywhere on her emaciated frame, so her entire body was nearly skeletal. All of her hair had been replaced by feathers, including her eyebrows and eyelashes. Her nose was almost beaklike. One of her hands had been partially morphed into talons. The other was covered in a strange gauntlet. Each fingertip ended in a needle that was stained with ink. Her body was covered in a plain dress and covered with strips of parchment covered in runes.

“I mean… it’s kinda hard not to be,” I said, looking her up and down again. “No offense meant to my host or anything, but just look at her. She could at least wear a cowl or something to hide… that.”

“She can’t help that she’s hideous,” Pain said. “You should be more understanding of those with physical limitations, shorty.”

“I’m just fun-sized, you catgirl slut!” That made all of them snicker at me. “So how can I better hide my disgust at this thing?”

“You could sleep with her,” Fear said.

“There’s not enough alcohol in the world. Besides, I would infinitely rather bang Hera and there’s no way I could do both.”

“Wait, you would willingly have sex with Hera?” Pain asked.

“Oh fuck no, that woman is legit horrifying and I now believe every single legend I know about her. But if I had to pick, I’d rather go with the horrifying one that’s hot than the horrifying one that’s ugly. Especially since it sounds like Hera’s never had a good lover before, so I could rock her world. I bet goddess tastes like ambrosia! But anyway, enough about her. You have any better suggestions about hiding distaste?”

“Work on your facial expressions,” Pain said. “They’re minute, but still enough for Athena to notice. Also, don’t be so afraid to get physically close to her. Remember that her culture valued closeness.”

“I gave her a hug the last time I saw her, so that hopefully helped. I might try to boop her on this disgusting thing she calls a nose to see if it’s actually fleshy, next time.”

“How do you know she calls it a nose?” Fear asked. “You haven’t ever talked about her. For all you know, she agrees that she’s disgusting.”

“How could she not? That doesn’t change anything.”

“You’re doing that thing where you’re a bitch again,” Pain said. “Are you not working on that?”

“This coma is helping me get it all out of my system. I’ve held so much in for so long that it… feels good to get it out. I honestly don’t talk to people enough about what I think.”

“Well, it’s far too late for that now,” my guide said. “You’re stuck with your own shitty self until Taya gets here. I guess we’ll see if you can continue being open and honest with her around.”

“Here’s hoping. I think I’m done insulting Athena for now. Shall we move on?”

“As you wish,” my guide said. Her eyes flashed and we went onward.

We appeared in a very cramped room on my first airship. Twilight and her friends were all shoved inside. At the moment, I was sitting on Applejack’s back. My guide was hanging from the ceiling. A green grassy plain stretched as far as I could see out the window, only broken up by the occasional cherry blossom tree.

“So what’s this about?” Dash asked. “Don’t we have a train to catch?”

“Not anymore, I’m afraid,” Twilight quietly said, floating a letter up. “I received this from Princess Celestia about an hour ago. I needed to talk to Nav about it before I told any of you. It… details why Nav is going on his journey. Not the excuse he gave us of finding the elementals, but why he’s finding them.”

“And we gotta stop him!” Pinkie said. “I knew the brain leech got him!”

“No, we have to help him,” Twilight said.

“Then he better have a real good reason,” Applejack slowly said.

“This is going to require a history dump,” Twilight said, making Pinkie groan. “Some of you already know some of it. A very, very long time ago, humans were the only sapient race on the planet. A demon called Discord rose to power and wiped humanity out. He’s back now.”

“Wait, the same demon?” Fluttershy asked.

“Nav and the elementals seem to think so and Celestia is inclined to agree,” Twilight said.

“And he killed all of the humans?!” Dash shouted.

“A few survived here and there, like Nav and Athena. Some managed to survive long enough to create the elementals, which are machines.”

“Aqua’s a machine?” Rarity asked.

“You saw what the humans could do!” Dash said.

“Wait, she saw?” Applejack said. Dash’s ears shrank and she blushed bright red.

“It’s a little late for secrecy,” Rarity said. “And the more information we can all collate together now the better. Rainbow and I went with Nav to the past.”

“Why didn’t he invite me?!” Pinkie demanded.

“He didn’t invite us,” Dash said. “It was a stupid mistake and we ruined the entire trip for him.”

“We were probably the only ones keeping him from hanging himself in his cell,” Rarity replied. “That poor colt was disowned by his own species!”

“...I’ve never seen Nav like that before,” Dash sighed, looking down.

“Well, that’s interesting and all and we’re definitely gonna talk about it later, but what about this Discord fellow?” Applejack said. Right, just brush over my mental anguish.

“Discord is controlled by the amount of strife in the world,” Twilight said. “After all the humans died out, there was barely enough of it to sustain him. As the creatures the humans created grew more and more intelligent, the elementals started to lead them.”

“Wait, the humans created us?” Fluttershy asked.

“That seems to be Nav’s theory,” Twilight said. “Aqua’s memory gets faulty the further back in time she goes, so she doesn’t know. Eventually, there was enough strife in the world for Discord to show himself. He started a war between the elementals that led to most either dying or being imprisoned.”

“So the elementals are Discord’s enemies,” Applejack said with a nod.

“Why don’t we get the Elements of Harmony and blast him?” Dash asked.

“Because he stole them,” Twilight matter-of-factly replied, making Rarity and Fluttershy gasp. “And supposedly hid them near where elementals are located.”

“So you’re saying it’s a trap,” Applejack said.

“Likely. There’s no guarantee they actually are hidden along Nav’s path and there’s no guarantee we’ll actually be able to find them. We don’t even know if they’ll work if we do find them. But a demon capable of destroying an entire planet’s worth of sapient life is free right now. It’s our duty to do whatever we can to help stop it.”

“Uhhh… Can we stop it?” Dash asked. “I mean, I’m ready to go down fighting, but… Well, I saw what the humans were capable of. If it killed them…”

“The humans had no magic,” Twilight said. “I learned a lot in Athena’s realm. Discord purposefully destroyed magic among the humans because it’s one of the few things that can harm him. I also learned that the Elements of Harmony sealed him in stone the last time they were used on him slightly over six thousand years ago, by Celestia, Luna, and Queen Chrysalis.”

“Wait, Chrysalis used the Elements?” Pinkie asked. “How?”

“She didn’t actually use them, but she helped Celestia and Luna get to him. Another thing I learned is that all of you are capable of learning magic. In fact, I’m relatively confident that at least three of you passively use some form of magic in your daily lives. Rainbow Dash, your speeds are only possible with a large magical boost, likely from all the ponies who believe in you. Fluttershy, your ability to communicate with animals is unnatural, likely due to the animals’ belief that you’re too kind to hurt them. Pinkie, you’re you, though the jury’s still out on why.

“You don’t have to understand it, Twiley,” Pinkie said with a grin. “You just have to love me anyway!”

“We do, Pinkie,” Rarity said. “We all know what happens to those who don’t, after all…”

“How do we do magic without a horn?” Dash asked. “I mean, I know we fly with magic, but what makes me extra speedy?”

“According to the book we found, it’s belief,” Twilight said. “Pure faith. You know for a fact that you’re the fastest mare alive. Because of that, you’re able to be the fastest. Of course, you’ll always be butting heads with those who have more faith, but as long as you can convince more fans that you’re number one, their faith in you will propel you to be the best regardless.”

“Does that mean I could pick apples with my brain?” AJ asked.

“Yes. Nav gave me a copy of each book we received. I’ll let all of you read my copies. The information is incredibly valuable.”

“So does this mean we’re going on an adventure to save the world?” Rarity asked.

“I’m afraid so,” Twilight said. “Although saving the world is something of an overstatement. It’s more like saving the world an immense amount of suffering. I don’t think Discord has enough power to actually kill everything again, but after learning what he did to the alicorns, I can honestly say that the ‘survivors’ might prefer being dead. He turned almost all of the alicorns into either changelings or… us.”

“He turned the alicorns into ponies?” Rarity asked.

“Split them straight into three,” Twilight said with a nod. “Earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns. The reason the clans were bickering at the start is because all of them blamed the other for letting Discord take everything from them. It took Celestia six thousand years to build a comparable empire.”

“Five thousand,” Fluttershy said. “Equestria hasn’t grown an inch in a thousand years.” Everyone looked at her strangely, which made her blush. “N-nav and I used to look over geography and history books together, when he first got here…” She was soft and fluffy enough to make a decent pillow while learning about the shitty world I was in.

“Is that the true founding of Equestria?” Pinkie asked.

“Oh no, but we did learn that story too. Apparently Celestia and the three pony clans originally lived around where the Crystal Empire was. According to Nav, the world was broken and the weather was wrong. A powerful necromancer named Grogar used magic to fix the weather, which made it extremely cold where the ponies were. That made most of them migrate south, through griffin territory. I don’t know if they fought their way through or just continued going to Equestria itself, but they eventually settled there. Shortly after they did, Celestia and Luna decided to take power.”

“Why weren’t they already in charge?” Dash asked. “They move the sun and the moon! And they’re the only surviving alicorns!”

“The ponies didn’t trust them because they survived,” Twilight said. “It took them a while to cement their power. I don’t know much about this time, but Nav had some insight. First, he claims that they don’t raise the sun or moon and that it’s a naturally occurring process that the humans were able to study and learn a lot about. He also claims that the princesses have threatened him into keeping it quiet, which… Well, if he’s right about it being natural, I can absolutely see the princesses threatening him.”

“How could it be natural if the weather was broken?” Rarity asked. “Or did the necromancer fix that, too?”

“I’m afraid I don’t have all the details, since Nav’s afraid to talk about it. His second bit of insight involves Luna. Several powerful monsters were roaming the world at the time, leftovers from Discord’s reign. Luna used the support of a powerful dragon friend named Reginald to protect the ponies. Eventually they met up with a naga clan and formed the backbone of the first Equestrian military, a group of powerful warriors who protected the ponies from whatever came. Under Luna’s leadership, the military grew powerful. That’s a decent chunk of what helped the sisters come to power.”

“Until she became evil and betrayed her sister,” Fluttershy muttered.

“So we’re stuck flying around the world with Nav to help try and save the world from an ancient demon who wants to cause as much suffering as possible?” Applejack asked.

“That’s the gist of it, yes,” Twilight sighed. “I know it’s terrible news and I hate to have to say it, but…”

“But we’re here for the duration,” Rarity said with a nod. “To borrow Nav’s sub-speak, that sucks.”

“That’s pony sub-speak too!” Dash said.

“Fine. Then to actually borrow Nav’s sub-speak, fuck. Is that better?” Dash nodded with a smile.

“How happy was Nav when he heard his bestest friends were going on his adventure?” Pinkie asked with a big ol’ grin.

“He was more angry than I’ve seen him in a long time,” Twilight sighed. “He thinks some of us will get in the way.”

“Who?!” Dash demanded. She probably would have tried getting up in her face, but the room was too small to make flying possible.

“I’ll start by saying for his sake that no offense was meant. He just doesn’t think an airship full of soldiers is the best place for… Well, mares like Pinkie and Fluttershy.”

“And not mares like me?!” Rarity shouted.

“Your name was also mentioned, but he admitted that your sewing skills will be extremely useful, if you’d be willing to lend them.”

“What about my sewing skills?” Fluttershy quietly asked.

“They’re offset by your… Well, I don’t know how Nav would word it, but he basically thinks you’re way too nice to be here. And he thinks Pinkie’s going to drive everypony crazy.”

“I would never do that!” Pinkie immediately lied, having apparently forgotten about all the times she had done it.

“So you guys all know what this means, right?” Dash asked.

“That you don’t get to try out for the Wonderbolts?” Applejack asked.

“Wait… I DON’T GET TO TRY OUT!”

“What did you actually mean?” Twilight asked before Dashie could start freaking out.

It looked like Dash kinda wanted to freak out anyway, but she managed to hide the pain. “It means we get to spend even longer helping Nav get over what happened with Luna!”

“He didn’t exactly appreciate our attempts at the Crystal Empire,” Rarity wryly said.

“That just means we need to diversify our tactics,” Pinkie said with a nod. “I suggest we throw him a party!”

“I think we tried that,” Fluttershy said. “He didn’t attend…”

“Then we need to make it a ship-wide party! And then we need to shackle his wings together so he can’t fly away.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “I think we should take a step back. If we’re pre-planning how we can force Nav not to leave his party, maybe we should consider that… Well, he doesn’t actually like parties.”

“That’s utter nonsense,” Rarity immediately replied. “Don’t fall for Cadance’s anti-party propaganda!”

“Of course Nav likes parties,” Dash said. “We just haven’t found the right type of party yet.”

“We could throw him an orgy,” Applejack sarcastically said. Fluttershy squeaked and turned bright red.

“I’ll go ask Kumani for permission,” Pinkie said, hopping toward the door.

Twilight’s magic set her right back where she had been sitting. “We’re not throwing Nav an orgy. I think he can arrange that himself, if he so desired.” Pinkie and Dash sighed in disappointment. “And we can discuss ideas for helping Nav later. For now, does anypony have questions about why we’re staying on the ship?”

“What’s gonna happen to everything in Equestria?” Applejack asked. “I got a farm. Fluttershy’s got tons of pets. Rarity’s got a business. You got a library.”

“I’m sure Celestia will find a way of helping us take care of things while we’re gone. I was going to send her a reply after I spoke to all of you.”

“Has Discord actually done anything yet aside from stealing the Elements?” Fluttershy asked.

“I don’t know,” Twilight said. “According to Aqua, he wasn’t subtle at all back then. If he was doing anything, we’d probably know.”

“I don’t think I have any questions,” Rarity said. “Would you mind if I went back to my tiny, barren cabin to mope?”

“Not at all,” Twilight said. “If there aren’t any more questions, it might be best if we all went to think for a little while. I’ll start outlining my reply to the princess. Once you’ve all thought things through, either write a letter of your own or come back here so I can put whatever you want in mine.”

I guess there weren’t any, because the memory went gray. “I didn’t want them on board, but in hindsight, I was overreacting. I thought Celestia was going to use them to try to meddle.”

“A fair assumption,” my guide said. “What you didn’t take into account is that the girls had minds of their own. You were so blinded by your fear of Celestia that you mistook your friends for enemies.”

“Something I regret, but alas. They didn’t react as poorly as I thought they would when they heard the news. I was expecting more yelling, maybe some tears or something.”

“Why? They got to continue traveling with the one who pulled them along so effortlessly. It sounds like a win, for them.”

“Is that the takeaway?”

“Indeed. You were angry that they got stuck here. At least a few of them were happy about it, and upset that you didn’t want them here.”

“Hm. My life doesn’t really intersect with theirs in any large way… I imagine that can be changed. Maybe I really should try to spend more time around them.”

“Maybe you should. Are you prepared to move on?”

“Let’s do it, babe.” Her eyes did their thing and we moved on.

We appeared in the grove, oddly enough. “Are you prepared to receive your daughter’s company?” my guide asked.

“Do I have a choice?”

“Not really, since she’s entering the coma right now. Are you gonna scritch her ears like the good little pet filly she is?”

“I’m definitely going to hug her. Anything else, though...”

Just like that, my filly poofed into existence. I snatched her up before she could do anything. “Mommy!” She hugged me back.

“So my sweet little cherry blossom finally came to my rescue,” I said.

“Yep! So what kind of inner demons have you been slaying?”

“I’ve mostly just been watching. I’ve only had to do a little bit of fighting here and there, but that’s probably going to change soon. For the most part, I’ve been shown various events of my life in Equestria from different perspectives, including some things that I wasn’t privy to. You’ll probably see some parts of me that you won’t like.”

“I don’t care.”

“Cool. This is my guide. She took on Flo’s shape for various reasons.”

“Are you sure it’s not actually Flo?”

“No.” I let go of her so I could boop her on the nose. She giggled and released me. To see if I could control things in the grove, I tried to create a bomb-ass armchair behind me. It worked, so I sat back. “Now, we need to talk.”

“Can it be while you’re rubbing my belly?” Taya sweetly asked.

“I’m afraid not.” I made a couch appear for her and she hopped up into it. “This coma has showed me something about you, Taya.” Her ears twitched. “You’ve been hiding so much of yourself behind a veil of cuteness and faux-ignorance.”

“Well… yeah.” I lifted an eyebrow. “That’s why you had me trained in cuteness, right?”

“No. I was hoping you’d take that to mean becoming friends with them, not actually learning how to be cute in order to manipulate people!”

“Oh. Well that sounds like your fault, mommy. Maybe you should have been more specific.”

“I told you multiple times to make friends with them!”

“Right. You also told me to learn to be cute so we could use it against our enemies. Since that included Celestia and we never knew when she was watching, I decided to keep up the act at all times. I thought this is what you wanted!”

I sighed and leaned as far back into the seat as my shitty wings would let me. “I’m sorry, Taya. You’re right, that was a miscommunication on my end. I didn’t… I was joking about using it against our enemies, but I can absolutely see why you thought I wasn’t.”

“SO I’VE BEEN CUTE ALL THIS TIME FOR NOTHING?!”

“I didn’t say that, but… yes.” She scoffed in disgust. “Alright. Do you like being cute?”

“...Sometimes. But not usually.”

“What do you like?” That made her blink. “Taya, if you’re this angry about being cute, you’re not gonna last as my adorable little eternafilly.”

“I’m fine with being cute forever if it means staying with you!”

“I don’t want you to be stuck as something you hate. There’s no reason for you to be super adorable all the time if it’s killing you on the inside.”

“W-well… It’s not as bad as it used to be… The compliments can be nice sometimes. And I love it when you tell everypony how much you love how cute I am!”

“Do you remember the day I went into the coma?”

“Of course! I’ve played it over and over in my head ever since you left, wondering how I could have fit more belly rubs in…”

“When I came back from Athena’s realm that day, I said that I learned something I didn’t want to share. While I was in the coma, I learned why not sharing it might well turn out lethal. Are you prepared to learn something unpleasant and shocking?”

“Sure.”

“You and all the other ponies and sapient races out there today are what the humans would refer to as a half-fae, half-animal. Fae feel some kind of… pull toward humans, something that makes them more possessive and aggressive. Taya, it’s entirely possible that everything you feel for me is artificially created by that magic.”

“It feels real enough to me,” she replied with a shrug. “I don’t care why I love you, I just want to snuggle you anyway!”

“Uh. So you don’t care that you’ve been forced and manipulated into caring about me?”

“Nope.”

“And it doesn’t worry you that all of the absolutely horrific things that have happened to me have been solely as a result of this magical pull?”

That got her attention. “Um. Oh. I guess that would make sense, wouldn’t it. No wonder Luna went crazy for you!”

“Bingo. From what I can see, the more powerful a fae is, the more powerful the pull is. That’s why all the royals are so friendly with me and so quick to accede to my will.”

“Wow! Now that we know about it, we can use it to manipulate all of them to do whatever you want! This is amazing!”

“I’ve already told Celestia and I’m planning on telling everyone else. I want to find a way to stop it.”

“Mommy, that’s dumb. Why do you keep throwing away all of your chances at power? You could have been in charge of everything by now!”

“There’s a very important rule in this world, Taya: Beware all easy sources of power. What do you think would happen if they found out what we were doing?”

“They’d be happy that the one leading them was so competent that they were bringing the world straight to the biggest golden age ever!”

“Then you don’t know the same royalty I do. Most would be pissed that I was manipulating them. Celestia was already suspicious about it before I confirmed it. Had she found out that I knew about it and didn’t tell her, my reputation with Newlestia would be in danger.”

“Why? You literally created her.”

“Because I literally created her, I have an expectation to be upfront and honest with her. Despite what I told her, I realize that I basically hold all the cards with her. I brainwashed her once and she knows I have the power to do it again.”

“So make her live in fear, like the old version of her did to you!”

“That’s not the way to lead anything,” I said. “You should have learned that by now from watching me.”

“And your way of leading ends with all your soldiers peeking up your skirt, joking about running a train on you, and doing whatever they want!”

“Which is going to change when I wake up,” I said with a nod. “I’ve learned my lesson in here. As much fun as being a complete slut can be, it’s time to stop.”

“Ugh, finally. Although that’s what you said last time…”

“Last time, I was still a guy. I didn’t take my forced transformation very well at all, and took to hedonism to cope because one of the few upsides of this body is how my vag feels with stuff inside of it.”

“So while we’re talking about all this anyway, why can’t we really have sex?”

“Because it would feel wrong to me. I’ve told you all the reasons already, Taya. Why do you want to have sex with me?”

“I know you would never hurt me and only want what’s best for me, even if you’re bad at it a lot of the time. You’d make me feel really good and we could do it whenever we wanted! I mean, you can control dreams, mommy! We could do it in our sleep!”

“Does the fact that I don’t want it mean anything to you?”

“...I know it’ll never happen. But that doesn’t mean I can’t hope!”

“Hope less intrusively. I’m not gonna lie, you asking to sleep with me for the first time was honestly traumatizing.”

“So I traumatized the first boy I was ever interested in. I’m terrible at being cute, mommy.”

“You tried for me, sweetie. That’s enough.”

“So… Do you really love me?”

“Yes. And because I love you, I owe you an apology. I’m sorry for failing you, Taya.”

“I forgive you! How did you fail me?”

“You know I originally didn’t want you to stay with me.”

“I do,” she said with a nod. “But that changed!”

“It didn’t change until shortly before we left for the trip around the world.” Her eyes went wide. “I spent way too long being angry, bitter, and self-absorbed. I didn’t want to hurt you, so I spent as little time with you as possible because I thought any time with me was just spent waiting for pain. When you needed me most, I was too caught up in myself to be there for you.”

“It’s okay, mommy. Twilight and Doppel were there for me instead.”

“It’s definitely not okay, but there’s nothing I can do to change the past. I failed you, Taya. And now…”

“You’re not failing me anymore, mommy!”

“I failed to protect you against Aqua. Now you’re immortal.”

“Which is what I wanted, so that doesn’t count.”

“It’s what you wanted, but it wasn’t intelligent. I know you’re not able to understand why it wasn’t. My only hope is that you never do. I fear if you do, you’ll hate me for it.”

“No, I’d hate Aqua for it. Mommy, I could never hate you. I know you didn’t love me as much as I loved you. I thought you changed your mind about me sooner, though…”

“Being a parent was something I didn’t want. I actively hated the idea of it. I was bitter that Celestia forced me to take you, because I suspected she was only doing it to force me to come back to Equestria no matter what she might do.”

“...You thought I was working with Celestia?”

“Oh no, I knew you were loyal to me. But I thought Celestia was using you to anchor me to Equestria, since you were a pony and would be staying behind for all of my missions. You were something she could hold over me.”

“I’m sorry for not being there for you, mommy. I had no idea how much pain you were in. I heard things about Celestia in Catro that made me wary of her, but I had no idea how much of a monster she really was. At the time, I was so overwhelmed that I never thought to look beyond the surface…”

“I understand, Taya. And I want you to understand that I’m not mad you’re with me forever. I’m mad that you’re with me forever as a filly. I wanted you to grow and find yourself. I’d still be a part of your life, but not all of it. That’s just not fair to either of us. Me, because now I have to take care of you forever. And you, because now you never get to be yourself.”

“Why would I ever want to be her? Being your pet filly is so much better!”

“Because another thing that’s stopping is that right there. I’m relatively confident that Aqua was the one who pushed me into saying those things. The belly rubs and ear scritches are doing things to ponies, making them even more reliant on me. It’s time they stopped.”

“What?! You have to rub my belly! You’re my mommy, it’s in the rules!”

“I’m probably not going to completely faze them out. Instead, I’m going to turn them into rewards.”

“That’s the same thing as using your human pull to manipulate us!”

“Nope. The pull is invisible and insidious. You have to go out of your way to get belly rubs, now.”

She sighed and shook her head. “You know what this means, right?”

“No.”

“As soon as you tell Luna and Twilight, they’ll murder you and tell the new clone that the coma made you evil.”

“...I’ll be sure to make a new clone before I tell everyone, then. Thankfully, I know that’s something my sweet and loving filly would never do, no matter how much she might like being my daughter-pet and getting ear scritches.”

She sighed and looked away. “I know it was wrong, but I’ll miss it…”

“So we’ve talked about the past and we’ve talked about the present. Let’s talk about the future, Taya. It’s time to lay out some rules.”

“Ugh, finally. I can’t believe I let you get away with so much for so long. It’s about time you let me restrict you!” I lifted an eyebrow. “What?”

“What makes you think I’m letting you give me rules?” I asked.

“Because I’m perfect, mommy. Why would we need to change anything?”

“You openly accused Fleur of trying to use me for power.”

“So? She’s obviously just a gold digger.”

“Then why would she have helped me reveal that her ex was a queer and then divorce him? Dude’s as rich as I am and staying with him would be easier than competing for my affections. Fleur got pulled in by my humanness, just like Luna.”

“Are you sure that’s all it was?” my guide asked, making Taya jump in surprise. “You freed her from a life of drudgery and bitterness. You gave her a chance to fill her heart with love instead of dithering about with petty games and sluttiness. She’s confessed all of this and more, yet you think she only cares for you because of your pull?”

“While we’re talking about the future, why not just give up and accept you have a herd?” Taya asked. “I mean, I don’t really mind that much, as long as you make Twilight your main mare.”

“Because I don’t wanna. Being in the middle of a permanent catfight for attention has been a nightmare. I also couldn’t stop being a complete slut like that, because all of my different lovers would demand attention. Eventually I’d just be lying there as they took turns toying with me. While I admit it sounds super hot, it’s not the ideal end result.”

“Then why not just hurry up and marry Twilight?”

“I can hear the messages people leave me in here. So far, I’ve had at least two people tell me that Twilight isn’t the right one. And everyone wants me to have a crown, it seems.”

“So why didn’t you just marry Celestia? You can make her do anything now!”

“She actually did propose to me while I was in here. It feels squicky, but it’s an option. I was hoping Moonbeam would be possible, but apparently she made a deal with Discord after getting captured and may or may not be working against us.”

“Oh, so we gotta brainwash her now, too?”

“I actually hadn’t considered that option, but maybe. When I wake up, I’m going to talk to Luna, Celestia, and Cadance. Once we have a plan for dealing with Moonie, we’ll summon her to Canterlot, lock her up in another one of Shiny’s bubbles, and get her to spill the beans. If she proves unwilling, we’ll use an elemental to find out what’s up. If push comes to shove, we’ll do a little mental manipulation with her, too.”

“Cool. Then you’ll just need to brainwash the griffin king and you’ll basically own the continent!”

“We can’t just brainwash all of our problems away, Taya. Only some of them.”

“Well, didn’t you want to brainwash my crush away?”

“W-what?”

“Aqua told me,” Taya replied with a shrug. “Apparently you didn’t tell her not to, or something.”

“Bimbo mode,” I said aloud. “Let’s go with… forty-eight hours. Make sure to strut around Canterlot like the fucking whore you are. And you’re not allowed to tell anyone why you’re doing it, of course. You also have to enjoy it like the slut you are, so no pretending you don’t like being the greatest host ever’s elemental.”

“I’m not angry, mommy. I’m just curious why you didn’t actually do it.”

“Why aren’t you angry?”

“Because it makes sense. You’re never gonna give in, it’s just making both of us miserable, and since apparently incest actually is a thing ponies care about, we’d get in a lot of trouble if anyone found out I felt this way. If you just let them cut it out of me like the cancer you think it is, we’ll never have to worry about it again!”

“And you don’t care in the slightest that your mind would be changed against your will?”

“Why would I want to keep feeling something I know will never be reciprocated? Didn’t you say that was a path to misery?”

“Yeah, but this is supposed to be a learning moment for you. Some things you have to get over on your own, Taya. How will you grow as a person if an elemental just snaps their fingers and changes you?”

“Isn’t this coma of yours basically just that?”

“No, this is a way of combing through my memories, along with events associated with them, in an attempt to either get over the trauma, contextualize events, or help me focus on how I should actually feel and act moving forward. This takes time and I’m growing as a person while doing it. Having an elemental do a little fiddling around means you gain nothing from the process.”

“Why would I ever need to grow as a person? I’m your eternafilly. Ooh, you could use the elementals like a control panel for me! If you ever get tired of how I act, just have them change my personality! I could go from super cute to goth to all lovey-dovey and be happy the whole time!”

“That’s one of the creepiest things I’ve ever heard in my life,” I replied. “You don’t care that you’d effectively be erased each time?”

“Eh.”

“Why don’t you want to be yourself, Taya? Why do you want me to completely control everything about you?”

“Because every time I tell you what I think, you tell me it’s either creepy, wrong, or bad! Why would I want to be any of those things? Celestia was all three and you turned her into a walking doll! I’m offering you the chance of a lifetime, mommy. Let Flo make me the perfect filly!”

“No. She wouldn’t do it anyway. I’d have to use Aqua and I don’t trust her. And Flo might not let me use Aqua even if I for some reason wanted to. I love you, Taya, but you’re traumatized by what happened to you. That trauma has made you… cynical and conniving. And instead of helping you get better, I enabled it by letting you learn how to fight and then shoving you into combat.”

“My special talent is blowing things up, mommy! I got it by killing somebody for you!”

“I know. I shouldn’t have allowed that to happen. I know you don’t see it as a bad thing, but it is. You’re not supposed to want to be a filly forever. You’re not supposed to want me to control everything about you!”

“Mommy, I’m already your eternafilly. There’s no going back from that. So why not just give in and learn to love me for who I am? I’m happy now!”

“I don’t think that’s true. I think you’re trying to surrender all control to me because you’re so hurt and broken on the inside that you think there’s no way you could ever control yourself. As my little eternafilly, you never have to sort out your pain or get over your agony, you can just succumb to my will and be content as whatever I want you to be.”

That actually made her look away and tear up. “M-mommy…”

“Taya, I love you. But you’re hurt and you… you aren’t mentally well. And this is coming from someone who knows she’s just as fucked up. You can’t just consign yourself to being nothing but my pet. That rot in your head will just dig deeper and deeper and your problems will absolutely get worse, not better. You know what several people told me privately after you drank the potion and became a tree sister?”

“S-something mean and nasty…”

“They called you a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off. These memories have shown me ponies warning new crew members to watch out for you. Everyone can see that you’re having problems and everyone knows where it’ll lead. And if you keep down the path of being my mindless little eternafilly, you’re gonna snap one day. Imagine being like Luna.” That made her flinch and actually start crying. “This coma is a wakeup call for both of us, Taya. I’ve seen exactly what will happen should we continue as we are. We both have to get better.”

“H-how?! It… All the memories are just raging inside of me! Those desperate, hungry nights… All the evil cats who hurt and hunted me… Watching my own parents get cut down! And watching you get hurt so many times, mommy! It all just hurts so much!”

I finally pulled her off the couch so I could hug her. “We both have our inner demons, Taya. It’s time we start working together to calm them. Once we finish with mine and get out of this coma, we’ll work on yours. Flo will help. But I’m done running from this, Taya. I’m done hiding from the pain. We’re going to face it together and let it wash over us.”

She apparently didn’t have a reply, and just kept crying.

About five or so minutes later, she managed to mostly get over it. I had taken over the couch and let her lie across my lap, but I wasn’t petting her. “So, I believe I mentioned rules,” I said. Her ears twitched. “No more magically spying on me without my permission. Teleporting into my bath with Doppel like that was incredibly inappropriate.”

“But I needed a bath, too!”

“No you didn’t, you had literally just taken a bath with Mimeo not three hours earlier.” Her ears twitched again. “Which brings me to the next rule: You’re not going to Tartarus. You’re a filly and fillies don’t go to war.”

“But fighting is my special talent! I’m your vicious attack filly!”

“Do you honestly think Newlestia will let me take a filly into Tartarus at the head of her army? The newspapers would be calling her a tyrant for sending children to war.”

“That’s not fair!”

“As my loyal eternafilly, it doesn’t matter what is or isn’t fair. All that matters is what mommy decides. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“...So you’re testing me.”

“No, I’m laying down the law. Mommy’s Law, you can call it. I’m not taking my filly to war and that’s the end of that. That’s what you signed up for when you became my filly for life. Now, rule four—”

“What about rule three?” my guide butted in.

“We don’t talk about rule three,” I immediately replied. I lost count and didn’t want to admit to being wrong in front of my filly, so I thought that sounded better. “So, rule four is that you’re done threatening people without my permission. And you’re not allowed to ask for permission to do it in front of them, either. That doesn’t count if they’re threatening you, of course. This is just when they aren’t actually planning to hurt you.”

“Way to suck the fun out of everything,” my filly muttered. “No ear scritches, no belly rubs, no war, no cutely threatening to tear people apart… What’s even the point of it all?!”

“Being together,” I said, kissing the top of her head. “Just not in war, because that would be wrong.”

“Ugh. Why don’t we talk about rule three?”

“Fine, but only because you’re so insistent for more rules.”

“Wait, no!”

“Too late. Besides, rule three will be in your best interest. Keep me involved in your life, Taya. I’m bad at being a mother, as I’m sure you know. Don’t let me be. Force me to be a good one.”

“Why wouldn’t we talk about that one? It’s the best rule ever!”

“Because it’s the one that’ll probably cause me the most suffering. I think four rules is enough for now. We need to look to the future, Taya. Things can’t continue as they are. You and I both know it. After we get out of the coma, we’ll talk more.”

“Why does life have to be so hard, mommy?”

“I dunno. Do you want to get to the actual coma now?”

“...What’s it like?”

“The guide takes me from event to event. There, I witness things. I also meet aspects of myself who take on the forms of those around me. For example, you are my representation of Hope. Moonbeam is Love. Twilight is Reason. The last thing I saw was right after we finished with the Crystal Empire, so next up would likely be something spidery.”

“I love you, mommy.”

“Good.” I gently slid her off my lap and stood. “I think it’s time to get moving.”

“As you desire,” my guide said. Her eyes lit up and we finally continued onward in time.

The three of us appeared on the deck of the ship, surrounded by the whole crew. Everyone was staring at the female version of me, standing on the railing with a struggling spider in my hands. The look on my face was one of pure rage. Twilight and her friends looked terrified. Most of the crew and guards didn’t seem too upset. Kat was almost to the point of tears. Spike looked pretty sad. Instead of an ocean, we were over a vast forest.

“Isn’t this when you almost killed Spider?” Taya asked.

“It’s when I became stuck as a girl,” I said.

“And when you finally gave up,” Pain said, making Taya jump in surprise. “How many times did you try to kill yourself after this?”

“Four or five within the week,” I said. “Taya, this is Pain.”

“You… you tried to kill yourself?” Taya slowly asked.

“Oh yeah. My plan was to drop Spider and then follow right behind him. Kat talked me down from killing Spider and Flo wouldn’t let me kill myself, so here I am.”

“How could you do that?!”

“Well, the first attempt was stabbing myself, but Flo wouldn’t let me. The second was falling, as I said. The third was cutting. For the fourth, I tried to use the sword, but Flo wouldn’t even let me look at it.”

“You were just going to abandon me!”

“Way to make it all about you,” I said, booping her again. Oddly enough, that seemed to upset her even more for some reason. “I’ll have you know that suicide is a very selfish thing. I wasn’t doing it for you, I was doing it for me, to alleviate the pain I felt at being stuck like this.”

“So what was I supposed to do about my pain?!”

“I dunno,” I replied with a shrug. “I was too busy being horribly distraught over the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“How could this be worse than the bunker?”

“You heard Pain: This is when I gave up. The weight of it all came crashing down on me and I cracked. I’m not proud of what I attempted to do, but I completely understand it. Being forced into this has torn at me, Taya. I haven’t adjusted, I’ve just buried the problem.”

“Sounds like you need more dresses,” Taya said. “If I can eventually force myself to enjoy being cute, you can eventually force yourself to enjoy being female. And since it’s not like you really have a choice, you might as well do your best, right?”

“Why bother?” Pain asked. “Order Flo and Aqua both out of you, then just succumb to despair. It seems like the easier option, doesn’t it?”

“That’s not helpful at all!” Taya shouted.

“Not all of them are helpful,” I said. “She’s called Pain for a reason. I’ll also note that any of them getting killed could lead to all kinds of repercussions to who I am.”

“So if I killed Pain, you would stop feeling pain?” she asked.

“I’m honestly not sure and I’m even more honestly not interested in finding out. If we kill anyone before this trip is out, it’ll be Fear.”

“Why isn’t she here?” Taya asked. “Weren’t you afraid you’d never turn back?”

“It was eclipsed by the pain,” my catgirl purred. “I’m all your mother knew for some time, especially after her period kicked in!”

“You’re not very nice.”

“So would you like to see the first memory?” Pain asked.

“Does Taya get to experience that, too?”

“She does!” Pain reached out and poked us both.

We appeared in the naga’s slightly larger room with him and Doppel. “So Navarone is female now,” Ames slowly said. “Permanently.”

“...So it seems,” Doppel quietly replied. “I’m sure he’s upset right now.”

“Judging by the screams I heard, upset is an understatement. I think I should go talk to her. The sooner she comes to accept this for what it is, the better.”

“And what is it?” Doppel bitterly asked. “Because it looks like it just ruined what’s left of his life and sanity!”

“Her. And it is an opportunity for her to rest. She has done much in her time here, but now that she is no longer suited for combat, it is best she remain on the ship and allow Watcher to command in the field.”

“You will tell him that over my dead body! And if you tell him, it’ll be your dead body next!”

“If she can’t even work up the courage to kill an evil pest, there’s no way she could stand against me now. She even needed Spike to rescue her against another group of spiders!”

“If you had seen how quickly she and Kat eliminated two entire rooms full of spiders, you would be singing a different tune. It was fast, it was terrifying, and I will probably have panic attacks over it for the rest of my life. There is absolutely nothing less lethal about Nav now. If anything, he’ll be even worse now that he’s angry.”

“Nav told me back when she was still male that female humans are less capable at most physical tasks, combat included. Do you think now that he is a she, logic will no longer rule her mind? Nav is intelligent, no matter the gender, and will always find a use for herself. It should not be in a place in which she is not suited. Truth be told, while she did learn quickly and became capable, her size meant she would always be fighting at a disadvantage against most races. You’ve seen how easily Kumani handles her. Now that she’s fighting against her nature and her body, maybe she’ll realize her place is not on the front lines.”

“I… can’t disagree with that. But you will not tell him that.”

“I fail to see why not. She’s likely being barraged by a bunch of meaningless nonsense from those annoying mares. A dose of well-meaning reality will help bring her mind back to the present and get her focusing once more on the future. I’m sure she’ll be grateful for my words.”

“Then you obviously don’t know Nav very well. If you give him any inkling that you think he’s no longer as capable as he was, it’ll mean blood. His pride is extremely prickly and right now, I guarantee saying anything like that will set him off.”

“She’s exactly as capable as she was. Just in different areas. Males and females complement each other, Doppel. Perhaps you would understand that if you found a proper mate.”

“I’ve found several, thank you. Nav is obviously going to be changed by this. He’s definitely not going to like it. It’s our duty to make his transition as painless as possible. If you start attacking his pride right after his forced change, do you really think it will help?”

“Do you not think it’s time she put her pride in other areas? Her place is no longer on the battlefield. The sooner she realizes it, the sooner she can begin learning new skills.”

“I think you’re just scared to train her. If she gets better than you, that means everything you know will be wrong.”

“Kat is proof enough that females can be warriors. I am saying that Navarone is not. Her place should be elsewhere.”

“Well, obviously! But his place is for him to decide, not you! And until he says otherwise, he is in charge and he will be fighting!”

The naga leaned back on his tail and scratched at his chin. “You don’t usually push back this hard, little bug.”

“The stupid things you do don’t usually mean this much to me. But if you hurt Nav, you will regret it. That’s a threat from his cute and cuddly female maid, so treat it however you think it deserves.” Doppel walked out without another word.

When she was gone, the naga grunted. “I suppose at the moment, Nav’s emotions would likely get the better of her. Perhaps I should… temper my words…”

The memory ended, putting us back on the deck.

“What he told me was slightly different, but still super sexist,” I said. “It’s whatever I guess.”

“He is kinda right, though,” Taya said. “If I don’t get to fight, why should you?!”

“Because I’m the mommy and you’re the filly,” I said, booping her on the nose. “Also because I’m a predator and you’re prey.”

“But I’m your pure-bred attack filly!”

“Your original dad was a pegasus, right?”

“Uh. Right?”

“Then you’re not a pure-bred, just a mongrel.”

Pain actually burst out laughing. “You just called your daughter a… a mongrel?!”

“It sounds more vicious,” I replied with a shrug. “Pure-bred makes me think of a noble golden retriever. Mongrel makes me think of a scrappy junkyard dog.”

“So you think your daughter is vicious, not noble,” my guide said.

“I mean, yeah. Anyone who brags about being someone’s attack animal is vicious. I mean, she straight up terrified those goldshirt royal guards at the bunker.”

“...I didn’t know I was vicious,” Taya quietly said, looking down.

“Why do you think almost everyone’s afraid of you?” I asked. “It’s not just the creepy closeness, immortality, or propensity to protect me with extreme violence. It’s mostly the fact that you’re a little filly who enjoys tearing living things apart with overpowered magic while giggling maniacally. That’s the kind of thing that makes most people worried. It’s also kinda the definition of vicious.”

“Yeah, well, I learned it from watching you!”

“I know, that’s why I told everyone I’d be a terrible parent. You remember, you were there. I mean, I’m not complaining that you’re vicious. Honestly, I think it’s kinda hilarious.”

“R-really?” she asked, a hint of a small grin of her face.

“Oh yeah. I mean, you’re obviously loving it. That’s the only reason I think it’s funny. If you were actually hurting inside and using extreme violence as your coping mechanism, that would be less funny. But you’re enjoying it, right?”

The ensuing smile split her face. “Right! Blowing stuff up with mommy is the best!”

“Boom, then there’s nothing wrong with it. Now, what’s the takeaway from the memory with the naga?”

“Doppel stood up for you when many might have stood silent,” Pain said. “How did that feel?”

“Pretty good. I don’t necessarily like all she had to say, but I’m happy she said it anyway.”

“And the naga had quite a lot to say about your supposed place. What do you think of that?”

“He was probably right. I’ve gotten good at fighting and I definitely like it, but the open battlefield isn’t the best place to be. Now that I have Celestia under my control, I think I’ll have to do less of my own dirty work from now on. I’ll still participate here and there, but my main role in Tartarus will be as a general and figurehead.”

“Because you’re a wimpy little girl now?” Pain sweetly asked, getting all up in my face.

“I think actions speak louder than words,” I said. So I decked her in the face, knocking her flat on the deck. “I may be little and I may be a girl, but ain’t nothin’ ‘bout me is wimpy.”

“I thought you said we couldn’t hurt them,” Taya said.

“I’m relatively confident I can’t actually hurt something named Pain,” I said. Sure enough, she got back to her feet with no real difficulties, that insufferable grin still on her face. “It sure felt good, though.”

“Then why can’t you adjust?” Pain asked. “What is it about this body that’s holding you back, Navi?”

“For one, the fact that I didn’t fucking choose it.”

“Sure you did,” she said with a giggle. “You used the cursed relic! That means you accepted all risks involved, right? You were certainly quick to order Kat to the same fate…”

“She kinda got you there,” Taya said. “What do you always say about looking gift slaves in the mouth?”

“It’s gift horse,” I said, reaching out to boop her. Thankfully, I caught myself and wrenched my hand back. Her look turned sour, so I looked back to Pain. Before I could continue berating her, she jumped forward and grabbed us both.

We appeared in Kat’s room. It was her, Spider, and Fluttershy. From the looks of things, Fluttershy was giving him some kind of physical. The floor was replaced by wildflowers, though there wasn’t much room for them around the five of us.

“So how is he?” Kat asked.

“His chitin is cracked in a few places,” Fluttershy said, flipping the large spider over with ease. Oddly enough, he seemed completely calm in her hooves. “See here?” She pointed at something that looked like blunt force trauma. It was cracked inward, but not enough to be overly noticeable. “It can get infected if not treated, and he might actually start to feel it if it gets worse. I don’t have everything I’d need to make something for it, but I can borrow what I don’t have from Zecora.”

“What caused it?” Kat asked.

“A guard down below,” Spider whispered.

“You poor thing,” Fluttershy said, swooping in and hugging him. “I’m so proud of you for escaping!”

He… actually hugged her back. And she didn’t even freak out about it! “That’s not fair,” I said. “When I hugged him, he went catatonic!”

“You tried to murder him, mommy,” Taya said with a shrug. “Plus, Fluttershy is way cuter.”

“W-when can I begin working?” Spider asked. “I need to prove myself!”

“No you don’t,” Kat said. “Don’t worry about Nav. He won’t hurt you.”

“He just got some very, very bad news,” Fluttershy said. “Normally he’s calm and kind, but you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“S-she said she’d… she’d kill me!”

“He was lying,” Kat said. “The next time you see him, I almost guarantee he’ll apologize. I… I’ve never seen him like that before…”

“...He?”

“Don’t worry about that right now,” Kat said, leaning in to pat his head. “And don’t worry about proving yourself to anybody. Right now, you need to focus on getting better and calming down. You’re finally among friends. You can relax.”

“You’ll be perfectly safe with us,” Fluttershy said, finally releasing him. “Soon enough, you’ll be good friends with everypony here and forgot all about that evil place!”

“B-but… Don’t I only have a week?”

“Oh no, you’re fine,” Fluttershy said. “We won’t let Nav hurt you.”

“Isn’t she in… charge, though?”

“Yeah, but it’s really easy to manipulate him,” Kat said.

“Yes, he’s extremely weak against cuteness,” Fluttershy added with a nod. “Kat and I can spin him around our hooves in no time. You’re perfectly safe, Spider.”

“C-cuteness? Her? But she’s t-terrifying!”

“No I’m not!” I shouted. “Fuck you!”

“Mommy, you made the captain of the royal guard wet himself.”

“That’s because he’s a pussy!”

“Nav isn’t terrifying,” Kat said. “Or at least… you know, not usually. Normally he’s adorable and cuddly!”

“And his tummy rubs are the greatest,” Fluttershy said, looking away with a grin. The huge blush on her face made me question what else she was thinking, though. “He’s… changed a lot, though…”

“But… didn’t she kill the priestess?”

“Nav and I did it together,” Kat said with a nod. “I’m his pet assassin!”

Spider gasped and flinched back. “W-what?”

“Kat’s much scarier than Nav,” Fluttershy said with a nod. “The whole crew is afraid of her!”

“But not you, it seems,” Kat slowly said. I have no idea why Fluttershy thought it was wise to tell Kat everyone was afraid of her, but it was kinda funny.

“Why would I be?” Fluttershy sweetly asked. “Nav vouched for you. Besides, you’re not scary. You’re just scared. Now then…” She picked up her little medical bag and nodded. “I’ll be back in about an hour with a salve for your wounds. Try not to move around too much until then, because it might make them worse. Just sit tight and let us take care of you!”

“Um… T-thank you…”

“Don’t you worry about a thing,” Fluttershy said with a charming smile. “Your new life will feel just like a dream!” And like that, the memory ended, kicking us back onto the deck.

I sighed and walked over to the railing, where I was standing with Spider. “I let my rage get the better of me here.”

“And that’s when you buried me for good,” Blaze whispered.

“That’s not true,” I said. “You burned in me with righteous fury after Gilda got dropped. And that is when I buried you for good. My black rage almost made me murder a child and it did make me needlessly kill what might have been a useful ally. Although I gotta say, killing that kobold felt so fucking good.”

“So Blaze is Anger, I guess?” Taya asked.

“Rage, actually,” I said. “He doesn’t make many appearances. I’m relatively confident that after I got turned into a tree, most of my already depressed emotions got muted. Since Rage wasn’t one I used often, it kinda fell on the backburner. This event right here is a large reason why.”

“Why did you almost murder that child?” Pain asked. “Did it make you feel better about being cursed by your own stupidity?”

“I was running on the assumption that all spiders were evil after being told by the mother of all the spiders that she made a deal with the devil to make all of her offspring evil. Since I was planning on killing myself immediately afterwards, I figured I could at least go out doing a good deed.”

“But Flo wouldn’t let you,” Taya coldly said.

“Nope. And Kat talked me out of killing Spider. You kept me alive for the first few years, but getting turned into a woman was enough to shatter my resolve. I still haven’t recovered. Just about everything since has just added fuel to the flame.”

Taya sighed and hung her head. “Why, mommy?”

“Because it’s not my fucking body and I don’t want to adapt!” Her ears shot down. “One of my biggest fears since I was little was being forced out in public in a fucking dress! All girly and frilly and… I hate it, Taya! I hate the extra emotions, I hate the periods, I hate it all and the only upside is something that I’ve already resolved to cut back! There is nothing that could ever be worth the pure misery of being forced into someone else’s body!”

“Stop being a little bitch!” Taya shouted, slapping a hoof against the deck. That actually made me blink in surprise. She was even glaring at me as though she had some kind of authority. “You always complain when we have everything so good, mommy! Why can’t you learn to look on the upsides?”

“Because everything has been ripped away from me once, Taya. I know that nothing is permanent. It’ll all turn to ash in the end. I’m Discord’s toy. Until that ends, there is no upside. And the longer I am stuck in this body, the longer he has the psychological edge on me.”

“Ugh, you’re so emo!” She jumped over to hug me. “You have to accept that this is who you are now!”

“Accepting it doesn’t mean being happy about it,” Pain said. “I don’t think you understand how deeply this darkness seeps into her mind, child.” I hadn’t realized she got closer, but she joined the hug.

This time, we were in Spike’s room. Twilight was on the bed, shivering and crying. Spike was holding one of her hooves. Dash was trotting in place, since pacing was impossible. The walls were covered in some really pretty ivy.

“What’s with all the plants?” Taya asked, letting me go.

“It’s part of the tree thing,” my guide said.

“Nav… He tried to kill himself,” Twilight whispered. Dash froze, eyes going wide. Spike let her go and turned to the door, but a purple aura slammed it shut. “In front of me, with… with a knife…”

“...Something tells me he wasn’t planning on stepping down from the rail,” Spike said. “Open the door, Twilight.”

“I won’t let him hurt you next!” she shouted, sitting up.

“Then let him hurt me!” Dash shouted back. “Open the bucking door!”

“No! I picked you two because I knew you’d be the hardest to restrain. Nav will come out when he’s good and ready!”

“Not if he bucking kills himself!” Dash shouted, slamming her hooves against the door.

“He can’t,” Twilight bitterly replied. “Flo will make sure of that.”

“Until he uses his silver tongue to make her agree to a suicide pact!” Spike said. “You know Nav! He can make anyone do anything!”

“If he’s hurting, I’m gonna be there for him!” Dash shouted, still trying to break down the door that was clearly being reinforced by magic. “Open this door!”

“Oh, how I wish I could,” Twilight sighed, falling back onto the bed. “How I wish I could join you in hugging him. How I wish it would make him feel better…”

Dash finally stopped being retarded and slid back to the floor. “T-Twilight?”

“I’ve never s-seen… It was almost to his ribs w-when…” She started crying again, so Spike hugged her. “Oh, N-Nav… How c-could you…”

“Why won’t you let us comfort him?” Dash slowly asked.

“You heard him,” Twilight said. “He just wants to be left alone. Right now, this is something Nav is choosing to fight on his own. If we interfere now, he’ll just be angrier…”

“How?” Spike asked. “He already tried to kill himself twice and murder an innocent spider. I mean, how much more angry can he get?”

“Uh… He could try to kill you!”

Spike blinked. “Well I mean… he could try. I’ll just give him a spanking, though. I don’t think Kumani would mind if it was deserved.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Dash asked. “He’d wipe the floor with you! I’ve watched him wipe the floor with you!”

“Yeah, that was on deck. In Nav’s room, there’s nowhere to dodge. I’d drag him to the bed and hug him until he stopped struggling. Then when his guard was down, I’d spank him. Then go back to hugging him.”

“Well it’s a moot point, because you’re not leaving,” Twilight said. “Neither of you are. And I think you’d much rather be stuck in here with me than trying to get through Taya.”

“W-wait… Taya’s guarding his door?” Dash slowly asked, fear filling her eyes.

“She is,” Spike said with a nod. “I was gonna team up with her to hug him.”

“Are you crazy? She won’t disobey his orders!” Dash yelled. “There’s no telling what she might do if you try and get in there!”

“What, you scared of a little filly?” Twilight mockingly asked.

“Buck yes! Nav raised a monster!” Taya flinched. “Just… you know, don’t tell her I said that…”

“I’ll show you monster,” Taya growled. I flicked one of her ears, making her squeak.

“Taya is perfectly sweet as long as you’re friendly with Nav and don’t get in her way,” Spike said. “But Twilight and I lived with her for a while and to be honest, I don’t think she would hesitate to kill either of us if Nav told her to. If she didn’t choose to join me, there’s no way I could get to him…”

“Sweet isn’t the correct word,” Twilight said. “Polite is. She’s too traumatized for much else and Nav was too busy with… the princesses to help her. I didn’t realize until it was too late, but… the two of them fed off each other and created something… scary.”

“T-Twilight?” Taya whispered, taking a small step forward.

“As much as I like both her and Nav, she probably would have been better off in Celestia’s orphanage,” Twiggles continued. I finally pulled my daughter into a hug before she could do something painful or dumb. She was actually shaking. “But she’s here now, and that means even if we could help Nav by being there for him, getting to him is impossible.”

“Why does he DO THIS?!” Dash screamed, kicking the door again. “I feel so helpless here!”

Spike finally grabbed her tail and yanked her onto the bed with him and Twilight. “Then comfort the friend you have in front of you,” he said. “And then we can get together with the others and make a foolproof plan to cheer him up!”

“It failed,” I immediately said.

“How?” Twilight asked. “How could we possibly… I’ve never seen Nav look so broken before… Not even right after he got back from Egypt…”

“No amount of parties in the world could do it,” Dash sighed, finally joining the hug. “Maybe Applejack was right about the orgy…”

“Obviously she was right, but he still has a dragonessfriend,” Twilight said. “If Kumani leaves, then we throw him an orgy. Or we get Pinkie to ask her permission.”

“Why Pinkie?” Spike asked.

“Because if Kumani reacts poorly, we can just pass it off as Pinkie being Pinkie.”

“That makes sense,” Dash said.

“Do you think Nav might have sex with any guys at the orgy?” Spike slowly asked.

“In your weird, pervy dreams,” Twilight said. “Not that you’ll get invited, anyway! Adults only!”

“Fine, then! I’ll host my own orgy with him! With blackjack and… and changeling hookers!”

“The changeling hooker thing actually happened,” I said. “It was… an experience.”

“Make sure to send me an invite to that one, too,” Dash said. “But in case that falls through, what else can we really try? I mean, nothing makes him happy…”

“He seemed pretty happy while fighting the spiders when we first got here,” Spike said. “Maybe he needs to kill some things.”

“That’s silly,” Twilight said. “Nav may… enjoy fighting, but surely there’s something safer that we can do for him.”

“You’d think we’d have an answer for this, given how long he’s been here…” Dash quietly said. “M-maybe we’re b-bad friends…”

“We may be bad friends, but Nav is worse,” Twilight said. “No real friend would hide himself away like this without even thinking about how we feel… No real friend would cut himself down in front of me…”

“Nav is the best friend it is possible to have,” Spike said, nuzzling his fake big sister. “He’s just in a bad place. It’s not fair to judge him by his darkest moment when we’ve also seen him at his highest. Right now, he needs the strength of his friends to persevere. We can’t falter, even if he thinks he doesn’t need us.”

“Why don’t we become sky pirates?” Dash asked.

“What?” Twilight asked.

“Well we all know Celestia’s evil. Nav has a ton of money, an awesome ship with a great crew, and all the reason in the world to take her down. We’re already flying around the world on some mad quest! It’s like the start of the best adventure book ever! You know Nav would love leading a revolution with his best friends!”

“That’s dumb,” Spike said.

“There’s no way we can fight Celestia,” Twilight said. “And be careful what you say and where you say it.”

“Why don’t we ask Nav what he wants to make him happy?” Spike asked. “I… don’t think I’ve actually done that before.”

“I did,” Twilight said with a small grin. “He told me to stop bothering him.”

“That is so like him,” Dash sighed. “What are we gonna do…” And so the depressing memory ended, kicking us back onto the deck.

“I’m a monster…” Taya muttered.

“I failed you so hard, Taya,” I said. “I made you completely and totally dependent on me. And now that you’re my eternafilly, this is a fact you’re going to have to face: You’re scary as shit.” She actually flinched in my arms. “The things you say and think are not the things a little girl should say or think. Couple in the ridiculous strength, the tendency to shoot first and ask questions never, and being my little henchfilly and you get a bad reputation.”

“I… I don’t… I don’t wanna be scary!”

“What, are you kidding?” I asked, finally letting her go and standing up. “I honestly think you traumatized the guards Shiny brought to the bunker. I thought you were doing it on purpose!”

“I was being your fierce attack filly!”

“Yeah, that’s fucking scary! You know what people hear when you say that? They hear that I trained my little filly for nothing but war, for attacking. And you know it and are proud of it! That’s terrifying to ponies, Taya!”

“Then ponies are pussies!”

“Fucking tell me about it. The only thing about you that scares me is that I know you’re broken and that it’s my responsibility to fix you. And until now, instead of trying to fix you, I’ve just been enabling you. This coma is going to change us both, Taya. As your mother, I’m promising you that. This is our chance to step back and reevaluate everything we’ve done. There’s no more room for anything less than brutal honesty.”

“Everything about this world is broken, mommy. I’m just one more thing you have to put back together.”

“You’re welcome to say whatever you want about me, too.”

“I will. Does Twilight really think I’d be better off alone?”

“I mean, growing up in Celestia’s elite orphanage beats being an attack filly.”

“Sounds boring. Does… Does Spike really think I’d… kill him?”

“Do you remember when you tried to seduce him?”

“Y-yes…”

“He came to me scared out of his fucking mind. I thought it was mostly because he thought I’d be mad, but…”

“He… was the only other b-boy that… I don’t wanna be scary!”

“Good. I don’t want you to be scary either. It makes me look bad.”

“Wow,” Pain said. “That’s your reason?”

“Better than nothing. So what’s the takeaway from this lovely little memory?”

“Why did you lock yourself away?” Pain asked.

“Because I’m an idiot.”

“At least you admit it,” Taya said with a shrug. “I wanted to hug you so much!”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked.

“You told everyone to leave you alone. So I made sure they did.”

“So why didn’t you do what you wanted instead of what I wanted?”

That actually made her blink. “Why would I do that? I’m not gonna disobey you, even if your orders are dumb.”

“Alright, in the middle of a fight, that’s good. But in the future, if you think I’m doing something dumb, tell me I’m doing something dumb and explain why.”

“I don’t think you would have let me, this time.”

“I don’t care. You should have used magic to force hugs on me. Instead, Flo made me read a book about feelings and maintaining my gross body!”

“So are you giving me permission to magically hug you whenever I want?” she sweetly asked.

“No, I’m giving you permission to magically hug me if I’m moping. That’s not good for anyone, so it’s best to just handle it.”

“So Twilight got to watch you try to kill yourself twice,” Pain said. “You had that knife moving into you with no hesitation. Twilight had never seen anything so… reckless.”

“Well, my mind was elsewhere at the time. But I guess she gets to live with the thought of it. That wasn’t fair to her.”

“And something that never once crossed your mind until you saw her on that bed,” Pain said.

“You never even thought about it? That’s cold, mommy.”

“There’s a lot of things that have never crossed my mind, but… maybe it is a little callous.”

“Like trying to kill yourself with no hesitation?” Taya bitterly asked.

“Yeah. That was a shitty thing of me to do.” It sucks that I failed, though.

“You wish you succeeded,” Pain said. “Even now.”

“Well yeah. The only reason I’m alive right now is because Flo won’t let me die. Like, how many times have I ordered Aqua to kill me since I got here? She’s completely worthless.”

“You still don’t want to live?!” Taya shouted.

“I mean, not really. Do you know who I am, Taya?”

“Uh. My mommy?”

“I’m fucking nobody, Taya. I’m no one. I’m not a hero, I’m not a savior, I’m just a person who was kidnapped and forced into this awful life! My entire race is dead, killed by the thing who owns my leash and intends to marry me. The other me bargained his soul, so Discord literally owns me. I don’t particularly want to be his bride for eternity and I’m not overly hopeful at our chances of stopping him.”

“You… don’t think we can do it?”

“Not in time to save me, no.”

“So what’s your plan for the worst case scenario where that happens?”

“Give in to my black rage and burn the world for what it has done to me.”

She blinked in surprise. “Oh. Why not just do that now?”

“Cause I don’t wanna. But that’s planning to fail. I barely have time to plan to succeed.”

“Are you prepared for the next vision?” Pain asked.

“Sure.” One of her paws booped my filly while the other dragged me down for a kiss.

This time, we ended up on the deck at night. Kumani was pacing the deck. Zecora was watching. “Your mind is troubled,” Zecora said.

“How could it not be?” Kumani asked. “Nav is… he’s…”

“She,” Zecora said. “Say it.”

“...She is stuck this way. I know he’s smart and he works with the princess, so maybe there’s a way back, but…”

“The one you have entrusted with your heart is in pain. Why are you pacing the deck?”

“Nav’s daughter won’t let me through his door. I thought about trying to force her out of the way, but…”

“But you prefer breathing.”

“What? A filly couldn’t do a thing to me! I just don’t want to upset her even more!”

“Underestimate that filly at your own peril. Why are you here, dragon?”

“For Nav! Why are you here, zebra?”

“Comradery. I sense that your mind is not troubled solely for his sake.”

“I… am not attracted to… females.”

“Do you know what you are attracted to?”

“Males.”

“Uniqueness.” Kumani blinked. “It draws you in, doesn’t it? Seeing something so strange, so foreign, so… exotic. It makes you want to own it.”

“Such is the gift of our blood. We possess an innate desire to own all. Uniqueness piques our eye and is prized.”

“Is that why you claimed him, Kumani?”

“Duh. But now…” She went back to pacing. “My head is… muddled. My heart is conflicted.”

“You met him when in heat, did you not?”

“The first time, yeah. And the second too, I guess. And uh… And the third…”

“Does your heart yearn for him, Kumani? Or is it your greed? Did your mind fall for him? Or was it your lust? You’ve spent much less time together since your time ended, have you not?”

“He… did seem a little surprised when I told him. But I know I like him, at the very least!”

“How well do you know him, even now? How much time have you spent getting to know the one you call partner?”

“Uh… Why are you asking all these questions?”

“Do you know what a shaman is?” Zecora asked, her voice getting all mystical.

“No.”

“In my tribe, I acted as the spiritual leader. It was my duty to help any who fell astray find their path once more. I’ve had my eyes on you, Kumani. You seem uneasy here.”

“Even now, Nav’s really secretive about his past. He told me once that he was addicted to lying, but that he was trying to get better. I… I think I may have gotten onto the wrong ship…”

“We are all aboard the same vessel that soars through the heavens, dragon. The sun rises and the sun sets on this dusty rock of ours. And aboard this ship, all things are possible. We make good decisions. We make bad decisions. We live with the consequences. I have learned a wise lesson in my time here. If you are ever in doubt about your path, it is the wrong one. There is nothing stopping you from leaving.”

“Why don’t you leave? Go ask someone else your annoying questions!” Zecora tsk’d before walking away, leaving Kumani pacing.

“Why her?” Taya asked.

“Because she was fun to have sex with. I didn’t really have any other reason. I was solely thinking with my dick.”

“Oh. You promised me you’d give Fluttershy a chance!”

“If I didn’t find someone else. What I didn’t tell you is that I already had plans to meet back up with Kumani.”

“You lied to me!”

“No I didn’t. I said I’d give Fluttershy a chance if I didn’t find someone else. I already had someone else, so I didn’t have to give her a chance.”

“So you just used me!”

“Uh, no? I just promised you something so you’d stop bothering me about it.”

“You promised me something you knew you were never gonna deliver!”

“Yeah, because I’m a fucking scumbag. I’ve been trying to tell you this from the beginning, Taya. I’m not a good person.”

“I thought you were lying to protect me!”

“No, I was telling the truth to protect you. I didn’t want you to become something scary or a scumbag.”

“Maybe you should have killed yourself sooner,” Pain said.

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have let my sister talk me down from the ladder when I was fifteen, but here we are.”

“A… ladder?” Taya slowly said, her head tilting.

“Yeah, I was gonna hang myself. I made sure to get a bunch of cards to have sent out with shitty puns like ‘hang in there’ and whatnot. It was gonna be great.”

“That’s twisted,” Pain said with a nod. “I love it!”

“Oh Pain, you know me so well,” I said. “So what’s the takeaway from this one?”

“Kumani only wanted you because of what you are,” Pain said. “Are you ready for the next?”

“Wow. Is that it?”

“Why would you care about more?” Taya asked. “She’s gone.”

“I mean… I guess.” Alas, Kumani… You really were a great fuck. All things told, you were well worth being the last person to stick my dick inside. “Then sure, I guess let’s do the next.” This time, my guide actually threw Pain at us. She easily attached herself to me and patted my filly’s head.

We appeared in Twilight’s room, this time. It was her, Rarity, Applejack, and Spike. Rarity was actually shivering slightly. Twilight still looked pretty depressed. Spike seemed deep in thought. Applejack was looking down.

“Nav threatened to murder me,” Rarity whispered. “And I’ve never seen that look in his eyes before… In that moment, it was clear he fully intended to follow through.”

“At least he’s up to other ponies now, instead of himself,” Applejack said. “But uh… Why did he threaten to murder you?”

“It’s not fair! He gets to tease us all he wants, but the instant I try returning the favor, it’s threaten this and murder that! I just wanted him to look cute in his new body!”

“What makes you think he wants to look cute?” Twilight asked.

“Why wouldn’t he?” Rarity asked. “You should always look your best, and from what I saw back in the human bunker, Nav’s best is going to top out at cute.”

“Wait, why not beautiful?” Spike asked.

“He’s nearly flat as a board and has no butt to speak of,” Rarity said. “But don’t fret: I can still work wonders with that!”

“That’s probably a bad idea, at least for now,” Twilight said. “Once he has time to adjust, maybe we can start working on getting him acclimated. Part of that will definitely involve looking his best. That means we’ll need to eventually convince him to wear dresses. Unfortunately, it may involve more threats of violence.”

“Rainbow Dash apparently tried something herself earlier, and he didn’t take too kindly to it,” Applejack said. “I’m starting to wonder if we’re bad at this friendship thing.”

“Maybe Nav’s just a bully!” Rarity shouted.

“Nav’s not a bully,” Spike said, rolling his eyes. “He’s just unbelievably upset and in pain. I tried talking to him about it but he refused.”

“That doesn’t mean he can just go around threatening ponies,” Twilight said. “Maybe it’s time we utilize our ultimate weapon.”

“We’re not siccing Fluttershy on him!” Rarity said. “He might threaten to hurt her, too!”

“Nah, Nav’s powerless against her,” Applejack said. “But maybe we really should just give him some time. We have a little while until we’re back to civilization, don’t we?”

“We do,” Twilight said with a nod. “We’re going to drop Brook off and finally meet the other three water elementals who were free. Aqua doesn’t seem to think too highly of them, though…”

“If they were free and could find her at any time, why didn’t they save her?” Rarity asked.

“That’s why she doesn’t think too highly of them. So, can we all agree to pull back on trying to directly help Nav for now? I don’t want him to actually hurt any of us…”

“So how do we indirectly help him?” Spike asked.

“By picking up the slack on the ship. Nav usually keeps everything running smoothly. If we help, he can have more time to think.”

“Makes sense,” Applejack said with a nod. “So uh… Can I ask y’all a weird question?”

“Weird compared to what?” Rarity bitterly asked.

“Fair ‘nough. Does Nav… smell better to anypony else, or is it just me?”

“Definitely,” Spike immediately said. “I uh… I noticed as soon as I got near her earlier…”

“He said you got a little clawsy,” Twilight said. “Was it really that strong?”

“As soon as it hit me, my mind went somewhere else. It might be a problem if he goes into any cities…”

“None of the stallions here seem that affected,” Twilight said. “And Kumani didn’t seem to have any issues. The naga’s been acting a little strangely, too, but he wasn’t hit as hard.”

“He’s also older and has a wife,” Applejack said. “You’re right there in your teenage years, Spike. That smell probably hit you harder because of it.”

“Well, I’ll be better prepared next time,” he said. “But if we do ever go into any predator cities, we’ll need to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t get in any trouble.”

“I imagine he’ll want more guards around him now anyway,” Rarity said. “He probably won’t feel safe without them.”

“I don’t think there’s much that scares him anymore,” Applejack said. “Why would he need guards in a pony city?”

“He’s certainly not going to be gallivanting around with weapons anymore. When Celestia makes him a noble lady, it would be terrible for his image.”

“If, and I don’t think he cares,” Twilight said. “In fact, he’d probably prefer to be seen as a warrior, despite now being female.”

“Besides, Nav doesn’t need weapons to be lethal,” Spike said. “I’m pretty sure she could kill most ponies with just her hands.”

“Or wrestle them into submission,” Applejack said. “Did anypony ask Nav yet what would make him happy?”

“I was going to, but he refused to talk,” Spike said. “Maybe we should get Fluttershy or Kat to ask later. If Fluttershy’s cuteness won’t work, maybe Kat’s torture will.”

“We’re not going to ask Kat to torture anypony, Spike,” Twilight said. “Seriously, Nav told you way too many stories about his second time in Egypt. So, we’ve decided to leave him alone and pick up the slack on the ship. We should probably split up and find the others so they don’t do anything risky.”

“Dash is with Pinkie,” Applejack said. “But uh… You might want to give them a bit.”

“Fluttershy’s working with the spider and Zecora to extract some of his thread,” Rarity said. “He doesn’t have as much experience with it, apparently. I’ll update her and pick up some thread to alter Nav’s clothes at the same time. With luck, I won’t get murdered trying to fetch his clothes!”

“You probably should go ahead and make him a few nicer outfits,” Twilight said. “Don’t go overboard and don’t tell him about it yet, but he’ll need them eventually whether he likes it or not.”

“It’ll be good experience,” Rarity said with a nod. “Working with this silk is a lot more difficult than normal thread, but the clothes it makes are simply magnificent!”

“And I think I am going to talk to Brook for a little while,” Twilight said. “Aqua still has a lot of questions for her, and so do I.”

“Be careful,” Spike said. “She’s evil!”

“She can’t take over my mind,” Twilight said. “I have an elemental of my own. But don’t worry, I have some choice words for her about that, too.”

“Yelling at her felt pretty good,” Rarity said. “But she didn’t seem to care that much.”

“Add a little fire next time,” Applejack said. “Maybe that’ll learn her.”

“We aren’t here to pick fights with allies, even if they are mean,” Twilight said. “But I’ll be careful. Now, let’s get going.” The memory ended and Pain slid off me before I started to ache.

“So all it took to make them leave me alone was threatening to murder them?” I said. “Good to know.”

“Shouldn’t you want to get closer to your friends to let them help you?” Taya asked.

“Yes. But sometimes they’re super annoying and I want them to fuck off. So what’s the takeaway?”

“Your friends gave up on you,” Pain said. “You finally drove off the most persistent mares in existence. How does it feel to be so completely alone?”

“Pretty shitty. But these girls are eccentric, to the point where sometimes being around them is draining.”

“So if Fluttershy really can easily manipulate you, why aren’t you dating her?” Taya asked.

“Because I really don’t want to date a doormat. I’m fond of strong personalities, not those who bend over at the first sign of opposition. That said, I don’t want them to be completely domineering.”

“And you think Chrysalis isn’t domineering?” Pain asked.

“I think Moonbeam is working on it. But until we nail down the specifics of her deal with Discord, she’s off the table.”

“So why did you threaten to murder Rarity?” Taya asked.

“When we went back in time, she came up with some insane theory about me wanting to be a girl. The morning after I got cursed, she insinuated that I did it on purpose and was secretly happy about it.”

“Oh, that makes sense. Although… I won’t tease you too much if it’s true, mommy. And I won’t tell anybody else, either.”

“There’s a part of me that enjoys looking pretty sometimes. There’s a much dirtier part of me that enjoys people looking at me lewdly. But all in all, I’d much rather still be a guy. My mind is slowly getting more and more… conflicted.”

“Are you sure it isn’t the ghost haunting you?” my guide asked.

“No, I’m not. That cunt-canoe could be the reason I like feeling pretty!”

“Mommy, you said you have some kind of pull. Do you think it could be your smell?”

“Not specifically the smell, but maybe something in my pheromones. My guess is that it’s either that or magic.”

“And you’re sure you want to tell everyone?” Taya slowly asked.

“Yes. Manipulating people is wrong, Taya. This needs to stop.” That made her roll her eyes, sadly. “Your lack of empathy is also something people find scary. You need to consider the feelings of others.”

“Why? They almost never consider yours or mine! Rainbow Dash called me a monster! Spike thought I’d kill him! Even T-Twilight s-said…” She trailed off and looked down.

“Spike thinks you’d kill him because you lack empathy. That’s probably part of why Dash called you a monster. Twilight’s just a bitch sometimes.”

“...I guess I could give that a try.”

“Flo can help. She’s fairly decent at it. Once you learn how to think that way, it becomes easier. Of course, you also need to distinguish when you can tell someone to go fuck themselves versus when you play nice. That’s something you can hopefully learn by watching me.”

“The blind leading the blind,” Pain said with a giggle. “Truly a beautiful world!”

“Man, eat a dick. Do we have any more memories rattling around in there?”

“We have one left. I hope you’re ready!” She didn’t wait, just slapped us both.

Surprisingly enough, we ended up with Luna. She was in a very spartan room. The walls were all red stone and the floor was covered in tile. There were no windows and nowhere for plants to find purchase. Luna was holding up a magic mirror. I could see Celestia on the other side.

“Navarone has failed your test of intelligence,” Celestia said with a smirk. “Quite spectacularly, I’d say.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Luna said. “What happened to him?”

“Do you remember what you told me the morning after you gave Navarone his cursed items back?”

“Did… did he get cursed?”

“Did she get cursed, you mean,” Celestia said with a giggle. “And the answer is most definitely yes.”

Luna sighed and hung her head. “I’m so sorry, Nav. I thought you would have stopped using these things by now…”

“Well, she had quite a good reason. She discovered what happened to all the explorers we sent to the landmass south of mainland Equestria. They were eaten by giant spiders who absolutely despise all males.”

“Hm. Would you like me to raze their civilization?”

“No! I forbid you to go anywhere near them!”

“Um. Did… something happen?”

“Something utterly terrifying. All of Navarone’s stories about the past have been confirmed. We discovered a human mage leading the spiders. She is the most powerful being I have ever seen, save Discord. If we provoke them, there is no doubt in my mind that she would eradicate us in a heartbeat.”

“That is… astounding!”

“Indeed. Obviously, the more important news is Nav’s forced gender-swap. I’ve been giggling to myself ever since I heard!”

“...Why?” Luna slowly asked. “Surely he’s miserable!”

“Oh yes, he tried killing himself as soon as it happened,” Celestia said with a huge grin. “Just think, sister! Our problem might solve itself!”

“I doubt he will ever succeed. Though again, why do you find this funny?”

“I think it’s hilarious to see that smug human get knocked down a peg or two. And the best part is, there’s no way he can possibly deny that he deserves this for using obviously cursed stones. I’m going to enjoy having him here in Canterlot so I can dress him up like a doll!”

“Be wary of provoking him, sister. While he absolutely deserves this curse, rubbing it in his face will only bring disaster. I’m sure he will have enough difficulty adjusting that you can find your amusement just by watching.”

“Words of love disguised as wisdom,” Celestia said. “With luck, this event will go a long way to show Nav his place. And if not, I will teach it to her very quickly.”

“Fail to heed my warning at your peril. Provoking him is unwise.”

“We’ll see. Oh, and I almost forgot the best part! There was another race on the landmass, a group of monkeys. They captured Nav and made him a queen! He had to pretend to be a ruler for a week!”

“I’m sure he hated every minute…”

“Oh yes, he was quick to abandon them. The joke's on him, though. I made a settlement deal with the monkeys. When Nav finally annoys me enough to make him a noble, I’ll help them establish a colony in his fief! It’ll take a while for them to get all the way here, though.”

“How cruel of you, sister,” Luna said, though she was smiling and didn’t sound too upset. “Are you sure it’s wise to give someone who annoys you power and a loyal populace?”

“Yes. The more power I give him, the more he will have to behave. That’s all I have for now. I will continue to keep you updated on his journey, as promised.”

“Good. Farewell for now.” Luna set the mirror down without waiting for a response and sighed, hanging her head. “Oh, Nav… Wait, I think there’s a relic in Tartarus that could fix it!” Her horn lit up and floated a book over from a small shelf. She opened it up to the index and looked through it for a few seconds before flipping midway through the book. “Hm. A genie in a bottle? It’s status is marked as mythical, so there’s no way to know if it even exists. And it’s purported to be in the hands of… Nestorats. So it may not exist and it is definitely suicide.” The book snapped shut and floated back over to the shelf. “That will take some preparations to obtain. If I tell him, he’ll kill himself rushing straight to it.” She gasped and sat up straight. “I bet he’d forgive me if I found it!”

The memory ended, kicking us back to the ship. “That fucking bitch never told me!” I shouted. “Was she seriously just gonna keep that a secret until we found it to earn brownie points?!”

“I could see her doing that,” Pain said with a nod. “But I don’t actually know her intentions, I just have suspicions.”

“So that means it might be possible to change you back,” Taya said.

“Maybe. For some reason, a genie sounds familiar. I know there’s a lot of legends about them in my time, but I feel like I heard it more recently…”

“Pinkie,” the guide said. “She mentioned a three-eyed genie right before you left on the airship.”

“Of course it would be Pinkie. I’m not going to look too far into it, then. Even if I did somehow understand what I found, it would probably just piss me off. I am going to look into why Luna didn’t tell me a thing, though.”

“So can we talk about what a bitch Celestia was?” Taya asked.

“No, that’s not productive. She’s dead and I’m over it. Right now, I’m interested in more information about that genie. Aqua or Flo, can you track down Watcher and Twilight and give them their new research goal? I want to know everything there is to know about this genie. Don’t confront Luna. I’ll deal with her myself.”

“Is there a takeaway from this one?” Taya asked.

“Your mother already guessed it,” Pain said, bowing toward me. “Luna knew of a possible way to fix you and did not say a word.”

“That’s multiple strikes against my latest vassal. It’s entirely possible that, by the time this coma is over, her personality will be getting a few tweaks, too.”

“Why not just do that anyway?” Taya asked. “I’m pretty sure everyone is more afraid of her than me.”

“Because it’s evil. I’d rather do it the right way, if possible. But undoing five thousand years of abuse and a thousand years of abandonment might not be possible.”

“Well, whatever decision you make will obviously be the right one,” my sweet filly said. “After all, you’re the one making it!”

“Right, because she’s so obviously perfect,” Pain said. “Are you willing to admit that you deserved your fate, at least?

“Unfortunately, yes. I think we’re done here. Guide, I think it’s time to dip up outta here.”

“As you desire,” she said. Her eyes flashed and we moved on to bigger and better things.