Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1thBFBVOR4M7ars8Gb7NQpoodLRDurKrPARKi2LktYNc/edit

The first thing I did after getting back to my room was put the little Celestia doll thing out of the way, on the bed. Then I stripped out of my armor. It was hot and uncomfortable, even in the late fall chill. The third thing I did was get a fire going in the small fireplace each room seemed to have. Thankfully, it was magic, so I didn’t need wood and making it work and stay working was simple. Then I threw the packet of pictures and notes into it, letting it all burn.

“So, thoughts?” I quietly asked.

“The world is turning for the first time in a long time, Nav,” Flo said. “In more ways than one. I very sincerely hope we are correct about Discord’s nature. If not, we could be condemning Celestia for nothing.”

“And if we are right, she would have condemned herself and all her people. She’s wily. If anyone can bounce back, it’ll be her.”

“True. And my sisters and I will talk with her about taking one of us as an advisor, if she’d have us. And perhaps talk to Luna as well. Having one of us to temper her obvious insanity seems like a wise proposition to me.”

“Yeah, if you can ever find the crazy bitch. If she’s somewhere that not even Reginald can get to, it’s gotta be somewhere bad. And I imagine she’ll be there for a while, too.”

“Perhaps. I imagine if my sisters and I speak to Celestia, we can get the location from her. Especially if we promise to assist her sister in repairing her mind. Where one can go, another can follow… should they prove determined enough.”

“Tch. Good luck with that. I’d just as soon leave her to rot.” Since I had nothing else to do until the stupid dance thing, I slid onto bed. Something felt off, oddly enough. After a moment, I looked at the stupid Celestia plush. “So what’s Taya doing?” I idly asked, cuddling the doll.

“I don’t know. I left the ship a few hours ago. I should get to Canterlot soon, at the rate I’m moving. If I had to guess, I’d say missing you and practicing magic with one of the guards.”

“That was pretty much my guess, too. I was just going to get you to hug her for me.”

“Well, I did hug her before I left, but I did it for me instead of you. Still, you can pretend.”

“I am pretending. It’s just not the same.” Stupid Celestia plush… “Dolls don’t make the same sarcastic and biting comments. They also don’t hug back, or do awkward and cute things that make you smile.”

“Or watch you while you sleep, try on your clothes when you’re not there, or constantly think about having sex with you.”

“So yeah, they do have some upsides. It’s also not nearly as warm.”

“I’ll be sure to remember how much you missed cuddling when I get there.”

I scoffed and rolled slightly before remembering the cast on my wing. “You’re not an adorable filly that also happens to be my daughter. She’s warm and soft and loving. You’re cold and wet and mean.”

She was silent for a few seconds, then I felt something caressing my inner thigh. “I can also do things to you that she cannot.” That caress moved a little higher. “Things you so dearly crave.” Something else brushed against my chest, making me shiver. “I can give you all manner of delights. Don’t be so quick to deny me my cuddles, my lovely little human. They’ll bring you a much… baser joy than hers.”

“You’re just j-jealous…” My legs started to shift without me even thinking about it. “But it… it has been a little while…”

She finally started touching where I wanted her to touch, and I felt something weird brush across my face. “Well guess what?” she quietly whispered.

“...What?”

“You’re gonna have to wait.” All the sensations immediately stopped, leaving me breathing heavily. “I think I learned quite a lot from Chrysalis, don’t you?”

“F-fuck you!”

“You wish, silly!” She mimicked patting me on the cheek, making me growl. “Oh, you’re so adorable. Maybe if you beg, I’ll let you have some fun…”

“Nope, you’re not Twilight. You’re not sexy enough to beg to.” She chuckled. “I’m sure I won’t have to look far to find someone willing to give me what you’re not kind enough to. And of course, I can always visit Celestia’s room. I know where she keeps some things…”

“Oh, by all means,” she said. “Feel free to find a mare or stallion that would be all too happy to spread the word of how you approached them like a mare in heat. Or go into Celestia’s room alone and spend enough time there to give all the guards no illusions as to how you’re spending your time.”

“Yeah, well, joke’s on you: The shower head’s detachable, and I can still pretend it’s you.” I set the doll down and went to go take a nice, hot shower.

Flo was totally jealous apathetic about my desire to spend time with a lifeless object. It’s hardly my fault that the shower head is the only one who understands me...

The clothes Fleur ordered for me came around midday, in several large packages. The castle servants collected them from whoever brought them and delivered them to me, so I didn’t even get to see who brought them. It also means I didn’t have to tip them, so I wasn’t complaining.

Thankfully, Fleur didn’t renege upon her word; most of the clothing I got was normal stuff. Namely, shirts and pants. There were three sets of blouses and skirts, I guess on the off chance I ever needed to look like a chick.

And then there was the dress.

The motherfucking dress.

All things told, it really wasn’t that bad. Or I should rather say, I’m surprised it wasn’t worse. I guess the gay dude that Photo Finish took me to took one look at my hair and decided I could go with a ‘fall’ look, because the entire dress looked like a forest floor in late autumn. Every few inches had a new color shade, varying from light orange to red, fitting my hair. From the outside, it looked fairly form fitting, so what few curves I had would be in full view. One of its saving graces is that it didn’t come with high heeled shoes. I was already so much taller than the average pony that they presumably figured regular sandals would work. It was one of the flowy dresses with a small tail that dragged at the ground, so I’d have a trip hazard anyway.

So it looked like a nice dress… to see on someone else. I really didn’t want to see myself in that piece of shit at all. But everyone already knew I was a chick and I already agreed to it, so I figured if it ended up being too bad, I could have Flo censor the worst of it in my memories.

To that end, I decided fuck it, I might as well go full retard. Two hours before I figured Blossom would stop by to get me, I started putting on make-up. Fleur also had a kit of that sent to me, though I can’t imagine she thought I actually knew how to use the stuff. The monkeys unfortunately trained me well, and Flo was able to fill in where my own memory failed me.

When I finished the makeup, I started working on my hair. I honestly wish I had literally anything else to do, but a completely clear schedule meant I had time to spend on beautifying. That meant my hair actually got braided, using some of the bullshit Ava implanted on my mind. Braiding my own hair wasn’t exactly easy, but between fits of laughing at me, Flo was able to help.

By the time I was done with all that, I had about half an hour before I figured Blossom might show up. Getting into a dress wouldn’t take me nearly that long, so I chose to chill for a little while, staring at the mirror and wondering where in life I went wrong.

Pondering about my personal failings can eat up minutes really easily. When the time came, I sighed and finally started putting on the dress. “It’s not too late for you to kill me, is it?” I sighed as I pulled it on.

“I’m afraid it’s always been too late for that,” Flo said. “You aren’t allowed to have nice things, remember? That’s why you’re in a beautiful dress, covered in gorgeous makeup, with lovely braided hair, waiting for a date to an adorable vampire bat pony night guard captain. I bet your parents would be so proud!”

“That their son was a tranny or that their son was taking a horse on a date?”

“Yes!”

I eyed one of my knives, feeling my fists clenching. Unfortunately, Flo wouldn’t let me do the honorable thing, so I slowly loosened my fists, then slid the slender silk gloves on over my ring. I’m really surprised I wasn’t also given stupidly risque lingerie, but I guess Fleur decided that having none would be sexier for any potential dates. Or she didn’t want it to show under the form-fitting dress.

“Do you think I could at least get away with carrying a few weapons?”

“Nope. You’ll have to trust any guards there. And your date, of course.” She chuckled and made me feel like someone was patting my head. “Remember, Nav: Words are weapons. Use them wisely.”

Before I could tell her to go fuck herself, someone knocked on my door. I immediately flinched, but I only considered jumping out the window for a second. Instead, I walked over and answered it. Of course, it was Blossom.

As soon as she saw me, she blinked. “What the buck?” Her dress was a lot simpler. It was blue, slightly darker than Luna’s fur. She had no makeup and her hair looked just about the same. The only other difference is that instead of her standard guard shoes, she had some kind of nice sandals and long socks on each leg. So basically, she made me look ridiculously overdressed.

“What do you mean, what the fuck?” I shot back. “We’re going to a fancy party, right? So I dressed up.”

“You… you’re wearing a dress. And is that… is that makeup?”

“Yeah. Fleur asked me to.”

“...Fleur asked you to put on makeup.”

I rubbed the back of my neck. “Well, not so much that part. But the dress, yeah. I figured, you know, fuck it. Everyone knows I’m a chick at this point. And there doesn’t seem to be any way to turn back, so it’s not like I have anything to lose. Might as well go all in.”

She contemplated that for a few long seconds before asking, “Who did your makeup?”

“Me. Long story, don’t ask.”

“...I won’t ask if you do mine.”

Um. “Alright, I guess? Come on in.” She stepped in, kicking the door shut behind her. “We might be a little late, though.”

“Being late is fashionable at these things.” She awkwardly stood there for a little while, shuffling her hooves. “So…”

“So what? Come on over.” I walked to where I set the makeup case down. It didn’t have too many options, but I figured I could prettify her up quickly and easily. Horse faces are definitely different from human faces, but I’ve seen plenty with makeup and it didn’t look different enough to matter much.

“I’ve never… had this done before,” she awkwardly said, coming over to stand next to me. “And with my condition, it’s not like I can do it myself anyway…” She looked at the mirror she was standing in front of. All that greeted her was an empty dress.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything and all that.” I popped open the case and said, “Try not to move and do what I tell you…” She actually gulped and then stood stock still. “I guess it’s a little easier when you don’t have to breathe and your heart isn’t beating, huh?” She rolled her eyes and I got started.

About fifteen or so minutes later, she was actually dolled up pretty nicely, making her even more adorable than usual. I had to stop myself from pinching her cheeks. Or, you know, demanding she get on the bed so I could have my way with her. When I was finally finished, she slowly looked back at the mirror. This time, she got to see makeup around her face and an empty dress. She sighed and looked down.

“You don’t need a mirror to tell you jack shit when you have friends. And your friend is telling you that you’re beautiful, Blossom.” That made her smile, though she was still looking down. “Now how about we go get gawked at by a bunch of rich assholes?”

“You’re really pretty too, Nav,” she quietly said. “Thank you for doing all of this for me…”

“I am always willing to help friends, Blossom. I won’t say happy to help in this instance, but I’m definitely willing.” Her ears started twitching slightly, but I didn’t pay them any mind. “Now, have you eaten tonight?”

“Yes. And I don’t… I don’t think I’ll need to get any of yours before we go.”

“Cool. Then shall we?”

“Yes. I have a chariot waiting on us, actually. Hopefully they didn’t mind waiting a little extra.”

“If they do, I’ll just wink, shake my hips, and rub their ears. That’ll make them happy again.” She actually grinned, showing off her cute fangs. “So lead the way.”

“I think if I lead the whole way, your eyes will be in a very wrong place.” She stepped into the hall and waited for me to close the door, then walk next to her. “So let’s just walk together.”

“For what it’s worth, you were absolutely correct. I would have been staring at the ceiling the whole time.” She rolled her eyes again. “Hey, it’s really detailed! You can’t blame me for what the architect did.”

“I don’t know how I always get tricked by your bait. I should really see it coming by now, but you still get me every time.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re being silly.” She snorted. “So before we get to the chariot, let’s go over some shit real quick.”

“Such as?”

“First off, whether we’re going as a couple or as friends. That’s going to be a thing we’re asked and I’d rather go ahead and settle the bill, so to say.”

Silence set in for a few long seconds before she slowly asked, “Has Fleur told you the reason for this dance?”

“So her husband can come out.”

She quickly nodded. “Between the two of us, we are going as friends. To everyone else, we are going as a couple.”

“Alright, cool. Then that brings up two points. First, when we dance—there is no if, because we aren’t allowed to have nice things—I’m taking the lead.”

“Agreed. I know just the bare basics, and those basics are just about following. Point two?”

That made it my turn to be quiet for a few moments. “Aw, fuck it. At some point tonight, I’m going to pet you. Probably play with your ears, pat your head, stuff like that. It’s going to happen. I’m just warning you now.”

“If you make it the whole night without petting me, I’ll make it worth your while.”

God dammit. “Sounds kinky. I’ll do my best, but it’ll probably happen. Ponies are just too adorable, and I tend to get touchy with those I really like. I haven’t done it yet because you pretend it’s really offensive just to be difficult, but that might change tonight, just on accident.”

She didn’t reply for a few moments. Before doing so, she shook her head. “Are all humans this strange, or just the ones that go through Tartarus, almost get killed several times, and get genderswapped?”

“I don’t really have much of a frame of reference for that. But I’m perfectly normal. I think you’re the strange one here.”

She might have wanted to continue that debate, but we passed a pair of guards that both immediately started gaping when they saw us. So she chose to glare at them instead. “Is there a problem, troopers?” she snapped.

That made them both shoot to attention. “N-no ma’am!” one hastily said.

“See to it that it stays that way. And I’m not on duty, so don’t come to attention.” They both gulped and we continued on our way. I imagine their eyes followed us until we turned a corner. “Tch, stallions.”

“Hey, I’ve met plenty of licentious chicks in my time. That is most definitely not a gender-specific thing. In fact, I’ve probably met more sex-hungry chicks than I have dudes.”

She looked at me for a moment before shrugging and looking back ahead. “Maybe. Or maybe you just haven’t been a mare long enough to run into too many straight sex-hungry stallions. There’s always plenty at these parties, in my experience, and not all of them are happy to have their mare of choice decline.”

“Hm. Well, I certainly prefer a more feminine touch, but I’ve been known to partake in pleasures of a more masculine sort. But I imagine doing such a thing while on a date is fairly rude, so I’ll happily stay by your side. So unless you decide to go for a threesome—”

“I won’t.”

“Just sayin’. They may not like hearing a no, but that’s all they’re going to get from me tonight.”

“I’d advise you change your inclinations entirely. Once a pony’s reputation in Canterlot is tainted by being too easy, either mare or stallion, that reputation tends to stay tainted. From what I’ve heard, you already have many rumors around you. Giving proof to those rumors would be unwise, should you choose to seek a relationship in the future. Stick to friends and toys, because they won’t talk. Don’t give it up for any stallion or mare that slips you an invitation.”

I sighed, my shoulders slouching slightly. It says something about my character that people have to constantly remind me not to be a slut. Flo snorted. “That takes half the fun out of it… Fine, I guess. But you’re my friend and you just told me to keep it to friends, so I hope that tongue of yours is still plenty willing!”

Blossom smiled back at me. “I did promise you a reward tonight if you behaved, didn’t I?”

The quiet returned for a few moments as I pretended to consider what she said. Finally, I rolled my eyes. “So much for friendship being unconditional.”

She actually chuckled. “Friendship is. Extra benefits are not.”

I wanted to shoot something back, but we finally made it to the chariot pool. A few off-duty guards were milling around and one was talking to the two night guards hooked up to one of the chariots. Blossom only paused for a moment, then set her body in her typical command stance and walked up to them.

Needless to say, we both got ogled even more. And these guards were off duty, so there was nothing she could do about it. There was also nothing I particularly cared to do about it anymore, honestly. I’ve found myself resigned to my fate, for better or worse.

“My apologies for the delay, guards,” she said when we got close enough. The off duty guard that was talking to them dipped as soon as she spoke, probably finding somewhere to stare at us from beyond yelling range. “Are you still willing to take us?”

“Of course, Captain,” one of them said with a nod. “With… um, Lady Navarone’s injury, you’d have to walk otherwise.”

“I may be a woman, but I am no lady,” I said with a sweet smile. “So if you call me that again, I’ll see to it that you join my predicament.” The other guard snickered and Blossom gave me a sidelong glance that probably advised me to be nicer. “But I thank you for the concern and the assistance. Shall we head underway?”

“You’ve been on a boat too long,” Blossom said, stepping onto the chariot. Before I could follow her, she lifted a hoof out for me. I eyed it for a second, wondering if she was actually serious. Then I remembered that I already said fuck it and that I was going all in, so I gingerly took it and allowed her to help me step aboard. To be fair, with that dress, it was probably wiser that I allowed her to help me anyway.

“I believe I’ll soon be on that boat for a while longer. I certainly feel my presence is needed there much more than in Canterlot.”

Blossom let my hand go and placed her hoof on the front of the chariot as the guards started to take off. “That depends entirely upon who you ask,” she quietly replied. The others probably didn’t hear it, which told me that I wasn’t meant to reply.

I did want to ask who thought I was better off in Canterlot, though. Three thoughts came to my mind: her, Celestia, and Fleur. Honestly, they probably all prefered I stayed there, though Celestia was likely the only one who knew why I couldn’t.

Not that it mattered. I decide where I belong, and Canterlot wasn’t it. There were certainly benefits and I had friends there, but I was most definitely needed elsewhere. And honestly, I most definitely wished I was there. I found myself missing my daughter more and more.

“So is there any intel about this party I should have before we get there?” I asked.

“You know the nobles you killed last night?” she asked.

“No. I mean, I remember killing them, but I have no clue who any of them were.” Or at least, as far as she knew, I didn’t.

“Well, they had plenty of friends. If you go far enough back in bloodlines, almost every rich pony in Canterlot is related.”

“I feel like that explains some things.”

The guards pulling us laughed, but she didn’t even crack a smile. “Some of those friends are going to be here. Be very careful about what you say, Nav. Weapons will do you nothing but get you arrested here, with the kind of charges not even Princess Celestia can easily ignore.”

“If she can ignore Luna’s charges, I’m sure she can ignore just about anything.” Her eyes narrowed slightly. “That said, I didn’t bring any weapons for a reason. I have no intention of fighting. This is Fleur’s party. I’m here for her and her husband, not to pick fights with rich assholes.”

“Well, just know that some ponies might well accuse you of murder. After what happened with Blueblood, Pertz, and those three nobles, many of them are probably wondering if you’re some manner of assassin working with Celestia to weed out her troublemakers. I hope you have a thick skin and a good ability to talk around issues. Bluntness will get you nowhere here.”

“You would be very surprised at how far obfuscating bluntness and fake stupidity has gotten me. But I’ll play your pretty little socialite for the night. After dealing with the directness of combat for a few weeks, some time off with some more subtle warfare will be nice.”

She gripped the rail harder for a moment before easing off. “I know you are intelligent, Nav. And I know you’ve hidden that from most of the ponies in Canterlot for a long time. If you want any manner of future here in this city, tonight is your time to shine. Show these ponies you’re more than a warrior.”

“Oh, I very much plan on it…” I quietly replied with what I liked to think was a very sinister grin. The effect was somewhat ruined given that she wasn’t even looking at me, but it felt good anyway.

Apparently Fleur wasn’t using her own house for this party. We put down in front of a mansion that was definitely larger than hers. This place was decked out in all kinds of opulent shit. The gardens were covered in blooming flowers, with small birds and bees flitting between them even though it was dark. Two massive flags hung out in front, one with Celestia’s mark on it and the other with the same mark Fancy Pants had on his armor during the war games. Several towers jutted out of the palace, symmetrically placed on both sides. Every other one seemed to have a pegasus at attention, though none of them wore any kind of armor that I could see. The ones without pegasi had more flags, all smaller than the two at the front.

A few nobles dotted the areas in the gardens that I could see, and a few more were entering when we arrived. It took a moment or two for the word to spread, but when they all realized that someone was coming in on a royal carriage pulled by actual guards, conversations halted so everyone could see who had arrived.

I’m ashamed to say I found a sick joy when all of their mouths dropped. Between Blossom actually showing up to a party and me dressed like a chick, each one of the nobles was absolutely floored. In the dark, it was hard to tell where eyes were pointing, but it looked like several of them were looking back and forth between me and Blossom. It was a lot more amusing than it should have been.

When the chariot stopped moving, one of the guards looked back at his captain. “We’ve arrived. Do you have any other orders for us, ma’am?”

“Return to the palace for now. The party ends in three hours. Come get us then.”

The guards looked at each other for a moment before they both looked at her. The other one said, “Are you sure you don’t want us to stay, ma’am? Nav’s injured, neither of you are in armor, and, well…”

“This is a party of the elite. There is nothing to fear here but hurt feelings and dashed reputations.”

One of them looked at me. Or rather, my chest. “The Gala two years ago was also a party of the elite…”

I rubbed at the spot where Blueblood stabbed me and grimaced for a moment. Then I said, “Blueblood was corrupted by a demon of discord. I don’t think something like that will happen again. We’ll be fine.”

They looked at each other again before shrugging. “We’ll come to get you in three hours, my lady.” Before I could tell them to go fuck themselves again, they took off.

“Well then, shall we?” Blossom sweetly asked, putting on a blank smile.

“Let’s, my dear.” I spent enough time as a queen to know how to lock an empty smile on my face. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting that to be a skill Blossom had, but whatever.

We walked toward the palace together, both of us going fairly slow. Ladies never had a reason to hurry, after all. And of course, hurrying in my dress would have been pretty difficult anyway. Somewhat surprisingly, none of the nobles spoke to us, so we got to the doormen without stopping.

“Captain Midnight Blossom and Navarone, Royal Savior and Defender of Harmony,” one of them said, smiling. “We’re pleased that you decided to come. Would you like to be announced?”

“No, thank you,” Blossom said. “Our entrance will likely attract plenty of attention on its own. More is unnecessary.”

The fellow that spoke bowed his head for a moment. “As you command, Captain. If you need any assistance or have any requests, there are plenty of servants to accommodate you. Missus Fleur de Lis requested that you both seek her out when you arrive. If you need help finding her, one of us will happily join you.”

“The offer is appreciated, but we’ll be fine,” I said. The way I figured, finding the most social person at the party probably wouldn’t be all too difficult. Especially given how fucking tall she is compared to most of the ponies.

The dude bowed his head again. “Then please, feel free to enter at your leisure.” The other guy slowly pushed the doors open for us. Blossom looked up at me for just a moment before we both finally entered the ridiculously stupid party.

The first thing I noticed was a strange cacophony of really nice scents. Someone obviously had a large buffet set up somewhere, but I also picked up a heavy undertone of perfumes and colognes. The second thing that hit me was the heat. It felt like there was some kind of magical heating, because a fireplace wouldn’t suffuse even the entryway like that.

And then I got to see the guests. The ones inside were apparently either more subtle or higher ranking than the ones wandering about outside, so none of them openly gaped at us. But we definitely got a few heavy looks, and this time a lot more of them were directed at me. I saw some anger instead of surprise, and those looks tended to last slightly longer before their owners turned their attention back to whatever they were doing before. There were maybe a dozen couples in the first room alone, so I couldn’t help but wonder just how many little horses Fleur invited to the shindig.

The room itself was a lot more fancy than the outside, surprisingly. A few magical globes of light slowly circled around the ceiling, leaving almost no shadows. Each wall was lined with alcoves that had large flower pots full of all kinds of magically-grown flowers. One side seemed dedicated to things that grew during the day, and had a portrait of Celestia as a centerpiece. The other was governed by things that bloomed under the shadow of the moon, and had some ugly donkey-looking portrait on the wall.

Flo has informed me that was a rude thing to write, and that I should call Princess Luna by her proper name.

My surprise at seeing a picture of Luna still up disappeared fairly quickly as I forced myself back to calmness. Showing any signs of weakness in front of that many vultures wouldn’t be wise.

Just as I forced my hands to unclench, a couple approached us. “Captain Midnight, we’re all quite surprised to see you here. We were under the impression that you thought such gatherings were… distasteful,” the stallion said with a wide smile.

“Ponies change, my lord,” she replied. “Fleur approached me privately recently and we’ve become friends. She requested that I attend a few of her parties. I decided that I have lived aloof for long enough. It is for the good of all ponies that the guards meet and learn more about those we serve.”

“I am pleased to hear that, Captain,” he said, bending his knees ever-so-slightly. “There are many among the nobility that were of the opinion you thought very little of us. I’m sure they’ll be delighted to hear you merely prefered your own company.”

Blossom’s eyes narrowed very slightly, but before she could say anything, the stallion’s wife said, “And you as well, Sir… or shall I say, Lady Navarone. It isn’t often that we see you attending a party in Canterlot. Especially one hosted by Lady Fleur de Lis…”

“Fleur and I had a very personal and private talk a few months ago,” I said. “After that, it was decided that silly feuding is beneath us. She is a very intriguing mare. When she decided to invite me to a party as a friend, I took her up on it. I may be a warrior by trade, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy some of the finer things—and people—in life.”

“You’ll certainly find no finer delicacies than here,” the stallion said. “Though truth be told, it seems that you’re both lacking a certain… guest for this particular party. No offense to either of you, but did you have difficulties finding dates? If you’re interested, I know plenty of stallions that would be quite happy to meet either of you.”

“We had no difficulties at all, actually,” I said, gently laying my hand on Blossom’s neck with a smile.

The look on his face went from welcoming to shocked very quickly. “I… I see. My apologies, then.” He looked away for a moment before his eyes found mine again. “Ah, excuse me, please…” He quickly made himself scarce, though his wife remained.

“What a pleasant fellow,” I calmly said, removing my hand from Blossom. She just barely stopped herself from snorting, and covered it up with a cough.

His wife watched him leave for a moment before looking at me. “There are not many mares… or mares that were once stallions… that would so freely admit to dating another mare.”

“I see no reason to hide it,” I said with a shrug. “What two or more adults freely do with their own bodies is of no concern to others, as long as all parties are consenting. And the heart wants what it wants. To deny it based solely on the gender it prefers is denying yourself happiness. We have one life to live, so we must live it as fully and as happily as we can.”

Blossom lightly brushed a wing against my arm. “You just love that thing I do with my tongue.”

“Also true.”

The mare seemed to be following along with what I was saying, until Blossom threw in her filthy talk. That broke the illusion and the mare blinked. “You have a… very progressive mind, Lady Navarone. Perhaps we can talk more later. I believe I should go tend to my husband.”

“Until later then, my lady,” I said, bending my neck. She answered with a bend of her knees and then hurried off after her husband. “That doesn’t count as petting, by the way.”

“I’m well aware.” She started walking deeper into the house. I followed, of course. We were supposed to be a couple for this thing, and all the other couples were together. It would look weird if we allowed ourselves to be separated, I guess.

And of course, I didn’t really trust her to behave on her own.

The next room was set up as the dining hall, it looked like. There were rows of food along each wall and several round tables set up in the center of the room. Where most of the couples in the previous room were standing in one spot, many of the couples here were roaming about seemingly randomly. But as I watched more closely, I noticed that there was a very specific order to it, like a ballet of fat people revolving around food.

So basically, any southern family at Thanksgiving.

I knew that song and dance very well. “What do you think?” I quietly asked my date.

“Regular food tastes like ashes,” she softly replied. “I think I’d rather avoid eating.”

Oh yeah. That. “I’ve eaten today. I can last a while on that.”

Before I could start trying to lead the way through, two fairly rotund unicorns with a few plates floating around them stepped in front of us. “It’s not common to see soldiers at a party like this,” the stallion said.

“We live in uncommon times,” I replied. “And on the same vein, we’re hardly common soldiers.”

“That is certainly true… ah, Lady Navarone,” he replied. “Truth be told, the food itself is worth the attendance.” To punctuate his statement, he took an uncomfortably large bite of some kind of spinach bun.

“Truly, Lady Fleur has quite a taste for delicacies,” his wife agreed. I thought about pointing out the alfalfa stuck right in between her front teeth, but decided I didn’t care enough.

My date took a small step forward. “It seems that many of the nobles of Canterlot have quite an eye for the finer things in life,” Blossom said.

“That is an eye and a taste that I regretfully lack,” I said. “My diet is… different from that of a pony. In respect of that, Fleur warned me beforehand that it would be unwise for me to partake, so Blossom and I ate before coming.”

“Surely there’s something here you could eat,” the lady insisted. One of the plates floated up in front of me. “Cupcakes directly from a bakery in Ponyville?” Sure enough, the plate definitely had some shit that came directly from Sugarcube Corner.

“I have a strict sugar limit,” I said. “My body can’t process it nearly as well as a pony can.” She sighed and plucked it from the plate to eat it whole.

“Blue oat grass, perhaps?” the husband asked, floating over another plate that was covered in some kind of fluffy blue grass.

“I can’t eat grass at all. It makes me sick.” He looked down for just a moment before gobbling all that shit up.

“Maybe delphinium, then?” his lardass whale of a wife asked, floating up a flower by the stem.

“Same for flowers. I can’t even stomach the taste of them.” She lifted an eyebrow before biting off the flower part and leaving the stem.

“What about hay?” the fatso piece of shit asked, proffering a plate of, sure enough, hay.

I just barely managed to keep my tone civil, and replied, “Hay is dried grass. I can’t eat grass, I can’t eat hay.” The dude shoved that down his gullet, too.

“So what can you eat?” his wife finally asked.

“Meat.” Blossom’s ears twitched. The husband and his wife looked somewhat sour for a short moment. “It is my nature, just as it’s a cat’s nature to hunt mice or a dog’s nature to hunt cats. And I put that nature to good use. There are many monsters in the Everfree. I hunt them and other monsters.”

“And yet…” his wife quietly said, looking me up and down.

“...You seem so skinny,” her husband finished, eyeing my stomach.

“A healthy weight for humans and a healthy weight for ponies are two different numbers. I eat to satiety and stop. That way involves less killing.”

“I suppose it’s easy, being a pony,” the wife said, moving one of the plates in her magical grip. “Hunting isn’t a necessity, nor is risking our lives to obtain a meal. I certainly can’t complain…”

“And I certainly wouldn’t trade places,” her husband said with a nod. “There are far too many flavors in which to partake. I doubt I could live without trying them all!”

“Meat has its own flavors,” Blossom said. “Though I imagine it tastes quite differently to Nav than it does for us.”

“That is true,” I said. “I have the fortune,” ill or not, “of being friends with some powerful unicorns. Some of their spells allow for body trading or body changing. I’ve tasted pony foods in a pony body. I wouldn’t trade them for what I can eat. The benefit of being raised in a society of meat eaters is that you see no taboo in eating it. I know that Luna, at least, enjoyed eating meat. I found that out much to my misfortune.”

“So ponies can eat it…” the stallion slowly said.

“We can,” Blossom said with a nod. “Though it’s not the most healthy thing. I’d advise against it, for the most part.”

“I believe we’ll take our leave for now, my ladies,” the mare said, a strange look in her eyes. Both of them left, giggling slightly to themselves.

“So how long will it take for a news report saying two ponies turned feral after eating too much meat?” I asked.

“Judging by the look of them, tomorrow,” Blossom replied with a shrug. “Now let’s keep moving. The smell of cooked food makes me nauseous.”

I gingerly placed a hand on her back and slowly led her through the dance of dining. We didn’t grab any food, but getting to the other side was still no simple task. It involved some dodging, dipping, thankfully no diving, some ducking, and some more dodging. It was nothing I was unfamiliar with, given my past, but doing it in a dress was different.

The next room we entered seemed to be the main wing of the palace. There was a massive window on one side of the room that showed the front gardens and gates. The other side had a grand staircase that branched off on two sides. It led up to a second floor that had a loft where several noble couples were standing around, doing typical horse noble things.

There were a lot fewer nobles on the lower floor, which is where we happened to be. The rich marble from the dining hall was replaced with lush carpet, so the noise in that room was much more muted. The smell of food was replaced with the smell of perfume. The scent quickly grew stronger, to the point of being disgusting, as a couple walked over to us.

The stallion immediately struck me as a douchebag. I’m not gonna say it was the polo shirt or the khaki pants. Nor was it the spiky hair or the sunglasses he had pressed up over his horn. What made me think he was a douchebag was the way his mare simpered over him while he completely ignored her, and the extremely slutty dress she was wearing.

I hate it when I’m right.

“So what brings two lovely mares like yourselves to a party like this?”

“An invitation,” I coldly answered. I used to have a penis. I knew the game, and I had a feeling this dude’s mare wasn’t going to stop him from trying to play it on us.

“So how you likin’ it so far, huh?” he asked, looking down to Blossom.

“You don’t remember me, do you?” she asked.

“I’ve seen hundreds of pretty mares. But I guess I left quite an impression, heh.” He reached up and popped his collar, then lifted a hoof to look it over. “Yeah, I hear that a lot.”

It’s amazing how easy it is to remember disgust. “I’m sure you’ve heard of me, though,” I said, crossing my arms.

His eyes immediately shifted to a place they were most definitely not welcome, and he replied while still looking there. “Can’t say that I have. But I know a pair of fun-loving fillies when I see them. You two wanna ditch this place and come to my place? I think the four of us could have… all kinds of fun…” The chick hanging off his body had been essentially rubbing herself against him, but when he said that, she turned her gaze on us. I couldn’t tell if it was empty because she was stupid or empty because she was afraid of being replaced.

Either way, I didn’t have to bother answering. “And what kinds of fun could we have with a stallion, hm?” Blossom asked, pressing her side against my leg. I smiled and warmly placed a hand on her head.

The dude actually smiled wider. “I’m sure I could come up with a few things… But honestly, I might be happy just to watch! Well, if you don’t mind letting me possibly make a guest appearance… Though of course, you’re free to watch instead…”

“You’d have to offer quite a lot for me to tip all that way,” I said, poking at my chin with one of my index fingers. “I mean, I used to be a stallion, too. I can’t imagine doing something like that with one…”

“Well, there’s certainly a first time for everything,” he said, his grin dropping to a smirk. “I’d happily be your first. And I bet you would love it enough that I’d be your last, too.”

“Bold claims, sir,” Blossom said. “And what makes you think I’d let you take her away, hm?”

“Oh no, you misunderstand me,” he chuckled, lifting a hoof to his chest for a moment. “You’re both welcome! I’ve heard mares like you two just need a good stallion to set them straight. I’d be happy to put that to the test!”

Holy shit, I thought he was just a horny douche. He’s actually a real piece of shit. Time to end this. “I’m afraid we’ll have to decline, sir,” I said, slightly tightening my grip on Blossom’s back. “I’m quite alright being with Blossom here.”

His grin immediately vanished. “I must insist you… reconsider. Maybe you don’t know who my father is.”

“And I guess you don’t know who I am,” I hissed, drawing myself to my full height and shooting out my unbroken wing. He leaned back for a moment, eyeing me up.

Then he leaned forward again and smirked. “I think you’re a broken, lucky, ex-knight slut that tries to go through all the mares in the palace… and plenty more, besides. I’m quite surprised to see you next to a common night guard instead of another noble, though.”

Blossom finally did what she should have done a while back, and smiled. “And what makes you think I’m a common guard, hm?”

He was glaring at me, but finally looked down when she finished. He looked at her eyes first, then his eyes shot down to her mouth for just a moment before surprise took over and he found himself staring right down at her fangs. His eyes slowly opened wider.

“Your father’s influence won’t keep you out of jail forever, colt,” Blossom snarled. His ears flinched. “If I catch you harassing another mare, I’ll make sure the charges stick.” That made his ears shoot straight down and his eyes widened. “I’m not on duty right now, but if I say the word, a group of guards that are will be on you in an instant and drag you right to the dungeons. Now leave us alone.”

He quickly realized he had somewhere else to be and left without another word, his breathing sex toy following without a word. “So…”

She sighed and said, “He’s another one that thought guards existed to serve the people in every way we can. I disabused him of that notion. And then did it three more times. I have no idea how he didn’t recognize me. Typical loser noble brat that uses daddy’s money and power to do just about whatever he wants.”

“Oh, one of those pieces of shit. Yeah, I kinda figured. I can’t help but wonder what my reputation must be like among these people for him to call me out like that.”

“That’s what we’re here to fix,” she said, finally continuing to walk. She led me to the stairs and we slowly went up. After the first few steps, I realized she was going slow for my benefit, which was definitely thankful given that I could barely take one step at a time in that awful dress.

It seemed that someone was waiting for us at the top. This mare lost her husband somewhere in the crowd, it seemed. Or he was off doing his own thing. “Lady Navarone, it’s a delight to see you at this party,” she said, bending her front knees slightly.

“I’m happy to finally make an appearance at one,” I said, smiling. I had no idea who this chick was, but as I got closer, I noticed her dress seemed… somewhat threadbare, actually. For some reason, that surprised me. “So far, it’s certainly been an interesting affair.”

“From what I understand, you certainly happen to have a habit of making matters interesting. Or perhaps you just have a knack for finding interesting events.”

That’s certainly the understatement of the year. “I suppose uniqueness attracts uniqueness, so to say. Or another way of putting it, strange attracts strange. I am, after all, a stranger in a strange land.”

“Not so much a stranger, these days,” she said. “A knight, once upon a time. And from other whispers I hear, an artist and a writer… And of course, a servant to our great princess.”

“Your whispers are inaccurate. I am a… translator. Not a writer. But those are whispers I’d prefer not to be heard.”

She looked to the side for a moment before looking back, her smile seeming somewhat more strained. “Those are quite rewarding positions, I’m sure.”

“Indeed. I’ve obtained a wonderful daughter, a beautiful house, dozens of friends, and all manner of memories.”

“And you seem to be no stranger to hard times, as it were. I’m sure the monetary requirements of all those means you’re hardly poor off.”

“I don’t tend to measure wealth in terms of money,” I said. “But I suppose in the eyes of one who finds themselves starving, it’s easy to see that way. I’m happy to have what I have, money or not. But yes, I am fairly well-to-do these days.” Though honestly, I had no idea how well I was actually doing. Between the changeling mine and the royalties, the number had to be growing at a pretty fast rate.

“And yet…” Her eyes poked down at Blossom for a moment before looking at mine. Blossom rolled her eyes and settled in a very bored stance. “...I didn’t hear you mention a lover.”

“I haven’t been lucky enough to find someone to settle with yet,” I said. “But I’m certainly looking.” I put my hand back on Blossom’s back. Her wings twitched, but she didn’t say anything.

The mare eyed my hand dourly for a moment before putting on a smile and looking me in the eyes again. “I have a son or a daughter that I’d be happy to introduce you to. Both your age, I believe, and both proper nobles. Neither are any kind of… simple warrior or guard. And of course, it would be nice to add a true lordly title to your already glowing list…”

“I think I’ve had my fill of nobles in a relationship for a while,” I said. “I still have some truly awful memories about my time with… Luna.” Her ears flinched. “Though I am certainly honored by the offer.”

“I… see. Well, I suppose I can make the offer again in a few months. Once you’ve grown tired of…” Her eyes flipped down to my side again before returning to mine. “...simple guardsponies.”

Blossom started walking away without a word. As much as I wanted to tell that greedy bitch off, I decided my date had the right idea and followed her. The mare didn’t follow us, so Blossom soon slowed down enough for me to walk next to her. “Her whole family line is destitute,” she quietly said when I caught up. “They’ve been trying to get a rich commoner family to marry into theirs so they could get money. They were using their noble name to bait them. The Everglots are fairly well known for it.”

“They should try fish merchants.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Never mind. Do you even know where we’re going?”

“Yes. I heard Fleur’s heartbeat when we got close. I’m leading us to where it was when I first heard it. We’ve had too many distractions since then, so she’s probably moved without me noticing.”

Everything about you is fucking awesome, Jesus. “Hm.” She led us into a large hallway and gently tapped on one of the first doors we passed. No one answered, so after a few seconds, she carefully pushed it open.

The room inside was dark, which wasn’t an issue for us. Though given that it was an issue for pretty much everyone else, I don’t know why she bothered walking in; it was obvious no one was in there.

Imagine my surprise when someone asked, “Would you mind getting the light, dear?”

I flipped the light switch as I stepped further inside. A couple was lounging on a couch near the back of the room. Both were unicorns, of course. “Why were you sitting in the dark?” Blossom asked, completely forgetting all decorum.

“The last pony that left got the lights,” the stallion said with a shrug.

“And you didn’t… ask her not to?” Blossom asked.

The mare shrugged. “Didn’t see any reason to. We figured somepony would be along to turn it back on. We’ve only been here fifteen minutes.”

“Would… would you care to join us out in the main party?” I slowly asked, wondering if that was a question that was okay to ask.

“It’s hardly worth the bother,” the stallion said, waving one of those little personal Chinese fan things. Magic took hold of it and he started fanning himself. “Wandering about, holding conversations, standing. Much easier to just stay here and let pleasant conversations come to us.”

Of course, that also forces you to stay there when unpleasant ones find you… “I… see.”

“Would you care to join us for a while?” the mare asked, waving to a couch.

Blossom looked at me and I sent her a very small shrug. These two were fucking weird and I wasn’t sure I was down for it. Her curiosity got the better of her and she tilted her head to the couch. I sighed and started walking to it. I sat on one side and Blossom draped herself across it, putting her upper body in my lap. My hand immediately went to her neck, but I just barely stopped myself from stroking it.

“It’s quite a surprise to see such a hard-working guard as yourself here with us, Captain,” the stallion said. “And it’s stranger still to see a true hero here with us, Lady Navarone. Especially wearing a… dress, though I don’t mean to offend.”

“I found myself forced into another body,” I said. “It wasn’t voluntary, but I’ve learned to accept the past and to live in the now. I see nothing strange in wearing a dress.”

“But still… I’ve heard Captain Midnight never takes a night off. And I’ve heard you’ve been off, living the busy adventurer’s life.”

“That isn’t entirely true,” Blossom said. “I’ve taken a few nights off, but I certainly do have plenty of off time saved up. Keeping everypony safe is very rewarding.”

“But ever so tiresome, surely,” the mare said. “Long hours, hard work, constant training… I couldn’t stand it.”

“The life of a soldier certainly isn’t for everypony,” Blossom said, shrugging. “Time off is certainly delightful, especially when I can spend it in good company.” The wing closer to me fluttered, pressing against me for a moment.

“And the life of an adventurer is a dangerous one,” I said, carefully shifting my injured wing. “I’ve been in more deadly confrontations than I care to remember. And I’ve worked harder than I ever thought possible to stay alive. But the rewards are very worthwhile, all things told.”

“For you, perhaps,” the stallion said, almost disdainfully. “I’d much rather stay at home. Hard work is hardly worth it, I’ve found.” I finally peeked at his cutie mark. It was a couch. His wife’s was a bed.

I chose not to comment on that.

“I couldn’t live a sedentary life,” Blossom said. “Staying at home is so… dull.”

“And yet nopony ever sees you in the day,” the mare said. “It’s always at night and always when you’re working.” Blossom’s ears twitched very slightly. “Though I can certainly understand. Avoiding the sun does wonders for a mare’s complexion, after all. Yours is most definitely worth preserving…”

“I’m uh… How do I put it…” After a few seconds, Blossom looked to me for support, like I was supposed to have an answer for her.

Flo did, thankfully, and chose to voice it. “She’s very photo-sensitive,” Flo said through my mouth. “Too much light hurts her eyes.”

“Yes. That. It’s why I joined the night guard,” she said with a nod, looking back to the nobles.

“Understandable,” the stallion said. “I certainly prefer to stay inside during the day as well. Though I also prefer staying inside during the night, too.”

Why did you even come to this party? “I’m surprised to see you here, then,” Blossom said, taking the thought right from my mind and saying it in a much kinder way.

“We debated coming versus staying at home,” the mare said. “In the end, we decided to come, but so far, it’s been an exhausting affair. Honestly, we might leave soon.”

“Well, it was a delight meeting you,” I said, putting a slight bit of pressure on Blossom’s neck. She took the hint and slowly pushed to her hooves.

“And you as well, Lady Navarone,” the stallion said. Where a normal person would stand up to shake my hand or maybe even hug me, both of them just stayed in their places as we left. I considered flipping the light back off, but I decided against it.

When we got outside, Blossom pulled the door shut and closed her eyes for a moment. She slowly lifted her head and seemed to sniff the air for a moment, then her ears shot up. “I hear her.”

“Do you also smell her?”

“No, somepony has a nosebleed. Or at least, that’s my guess; it’s a small amount.” She started walking further down the hallway. I followed my date, of course.

The two of us went through a door that apparently led to a balcony. It looked like it was just a small opening that connected two hallways. My guess is that it was there to let the rich people get some fresh air without having to strain themselves by opening a window. An eave covered the main walkway, but there was an uncovered patio where a single stallion was standing. He stroked a flower hanging on a vine on the side before turning to look at us.

“And what brings you two here, hm?” he asked.

“We’ve been looking for Fleur,” I said.

“That is Lady Fleur de Lis to you,” he coldly said. “And I do not mean here, on this balcony. I mean here, at this party. I was told this party is for nobles only. Not commoners.”

“It seems you were told wrong,” I said.

“So it seems, more’s the pity,” he shot back. “I’ve heard that commoners occasionally get invited to events like these. We typically use their uncultured ways as a means of amusement.” He smiled. “Perhaps that is why you were so graciously extended an invitation.”

My common and uncultured ways are about to fucking wreck your ass. Thankfully, Blossom jumped in. “We may be of common blood, but there is little common about either of us. I’m sure everypony in the realm knows of Navarone’s exploits. And of course, I am the Captain of the Guard.”

“And yet, it matters so little when put next to a noble. I can’t help but wonder how you would have fared if you had strong bloodlines behind either of you. Just think of all that happened while Shining Armor was guard captain! Nightmare Moon, defeated. Egypt pacified. The changeling invasion foiled! The Crystal Empire brought back into the fold.”

“And in all of those, Shining Armor did practically nothing,” I said. “His sister beat Nightmare Moon with the help of five commoners. I pacified Egypt. I helped Celestia beat Chrysalis, and then I helped forge the peace between the two nations. And I defeated Sombra in hand to hoof combat after spearheading the campaign against him.”

His smile turned dark. “It’s amazing what a semi-intelligent commoner can do when directed by a wise noble.”

Oh, you’re fucking dead. My hands balled into fists, so Blossom decided to take back over. “And of course, Nav also brought Pertz to justice. And he helped the princess defeat several powerful demons. And he’s saved Princess Cadance’s life several times.”

“Bringing a crazed and weakened monster to justice means little to me; I’m sure the ravages and diseases of that awful jungle brought Pertz to his knees well before he was dragged back in chains. And the way I recall, she was running from demons and had to be rescued by Prince Shining Armor. Saving a princess would be quite a feat… if she wasn’t more than capable of saving herself. Alicorns are quite powerful, after all.”

Something in my head seemed to click and my eyes took on a strange haze. When I felt whatever it was come over me, the asshole’s breath hitched and he leaned back. “Noble blood and common blood both flow the same,” I darkly said, taking a step forward. “They both flow easily, they both flow red, and for me… they both flow freely. I killed Pertz as he tried to flee. I killed three of his noble friends as they tried to free him. I killed them as they tried to fight me. I cut down each one, letting their rich and noble blood shower me. And I cut down Shining Armor and his entire army in the war games. I broke his army and I shattered his will. I defeated him during the competition at Flankfurt without breaking a sweat. I broke past his guards and killed Princess Celestia at the Gala several years ago. If you continue to test me, I will end you as I have ended so many others. Your title is worthless. Your blood means nothing. It will flow, as others have. You will fall, as others have. All your wealth, all your titles, all your precious fancy blood… will mean nothing if I come for you. Remember that.”

He gulped and opened his mouth to say something. My eyes narrowed and he decided better of it. Instead, he quickly rushed past me and through the door we came through.

Whatever came over me just as quickly vanished and I leaned back. Blossom cleared her throat and said, “That was the second scariest thing I have ever heard somepony in a cute and frilly dress say.”

“What was the first?”

“After we spoke in the hospital wing of the palace, I went to find Fleur. She was already asleep, but was happy to speak when I stopped by anyway. As soon as I told her why I was there, she got dressed and we went to have a conversation with some reporters. To put it shortly, I am never going to get on her bad side.”

“Ah.”

“Of course, you shouldn’t have said it. This is supposed to be the debut of the new you, not you threatening a bunch of nobles again.”

“I’m okay with many things, Blossom. I can tolerate a lot. But I will not be called a liar and I will not be called weak. Well, unless I’m actually lying, then I’m okay with being called a liar. And being called a weak liar with that smarmy bastard’s tone? No thanks. If that’s all that awaits me in my new life in Canterlot, I’d sooner cut that life short and move on than keep dealing with it.”

“...Understandable. There are certainly times when I can’t help but wonder why I bother protecting ponies who see themselves as so much better than me. To many commoners, nobles are just nuisances.”

“That’s why my people killed all of ours.” Her eyebrows jerked up. “Anyway, shall we continue? We still need to find Fleur.”

“...Of course. She’s further this way.” We went back into the manor and continued down the hallway. A few nobles passed us, too deep in conversation to really pay us much mind. After that last motherfucker, I certainly wasn’t complaining. At that point, I honestly wanted to find Fleur and then go into hiding until her husband was ready for his announcement.

That hallway led into another large room. This one was also dominated by a large window that has a really good view of the garden. Several more paintings, mostly of famous and probably dead unicorns, dotted the walls. The far side was covered by a full mirror, which did a good job of reflecting most of the ponies in there.

When Blossom saw that, her ears started twitching. “Let’s keep moving,” she quietly said.

As funny as it was to see a walking dress in the mirror, I really didn’t want her secret to come out that way. Fleur wasn’t in there, so we had no reason to bother staying.

Well, Blossom didn’t. “Lady Navarone, I would like to speak with you,” a mare said, quickly stepping up next to us. “Alone.”

“Very well. Go ahead and keep looking, Blossom. I’ll catch up.”

“I’ll find her, Nav. I’m sure she’ll be happy to speak to us.” She nodded to the noble who was borrowing me and left, continuing alone into the den of darkness.

“Shall we go onto the balcony?” I asked. “I believe it will be more private there.”

“This room is fine,” she said. “Though let us go further in.” We walked toward the mirrors. When we got to them, she put her flank to them and faced me. “How well do you know the princess, my lady?” she asked.

“Pretty decently, I’d say,” I replied. “Princess Celestia and I have become friends. I also know Cadance fairly well.”

“How long have you known them?”

“A few years, for both. I just arrived here around five or so years ago. Twilight Sparkle used some kind of spell that brought me here from the past.” She lifted an eyebrow. “I met Celestia a few months after I arrived. I didn’t meet Cadance until around a year after I got here.”

“And Princess Luna?”

My eyes narrowed very slightly. “I don’t want to talk about Luna.”

“That is… understandable, I suppose. What manner of creature are you, truly?”

“I am a human,” I said. “My species used to own the planet, but I’m afraid that changed.”

“And are all of your kind immune to magic? Or winged?”

“No to both. I happen to be an exception. I must admit, I’m happy to find someone interested in my people. But I feel that it isn’t just idle curiousity.”

“You feel correctly, Navarone. There are many among the nobility that are quite worried. Celestia threatened us all when she sentenced Pertz. And some of us feel that you are her chosen tool for… dealing with us, so to say.”

“Princess Celestia feels very secure in her power,” I said. “Or at least, she does as far as I know. She has the confidence of the people and the army answers directly to her. That said, some nobles have ideas above their station, so to say. She’d very much prefer to deal with them in a peaceful way. But some people believe they are above the law and have no need to take orders from anyone, even the rightful princess. Pertz was one of them. I happened to be in a position to bring him to justice. That isn’t always the case, though.”

“You just happened to be there. In the middle of Africa.”

“Yes, I just happened to be there in the middle of Africa. There is more going on in this world than you and the rest of Canterlot know. I was going there for different reasons, and while I was in the area, Celestia asked me to help her with something. So I did. I happen to be of the opinion that people who abuse their power need to be put in their place.”

“And did you happen to be in the right place to deal with Prince Blueblood, too? On more than one occasion.”

“Blueblood got poisoned by a changeling spy to get Cadance out of Canterlot where she’d be vulnerable to getting snatched by Chrysalis. Then he was corrupted by a demon of chaos. He tried to murder me at the Gala and was put down for it.”

“What an interesting coincidence,” she sarcastically replied. “And I’m sure Calix was a similar situation. That’s why he disappeared in the middle of a group of guards on a long and lonely stretch on the road to Catro. And why all of those guards and Emerald all refuse to speak of what happened.”

“...I’m sorry, are you accusing me of something?” I asked, trying to sound insulted.

“I’m accusing you of being an assassin, purpose-built to bring down Celestia’s problem nobles,” she said, stretching up to her full height. “I’m accusing you of being involved in a conspiracy to put several of us in situations where we look bad and then putting us down like dogs so none of the commoners suspect anything. I am accusing you, Navarone, of killing my husband.”

“And mine,” another mare hissed, one that apparently snuck up on me while I was talking to the one bitch.

“And my wife,” a stallion growled, next to the other mare.

“When our partners tried to save Lord Pertz from an unjust fate, you killed them in cold blood,” the original mare said.

“I killed three traitors who were going against Princess Celestia’s will after they tried attacking me,” I said, crossing my arms. “I warned them plenty of times what would happen, but they thought they’d fare better than Pertz himself. One of them even tried holding Captain Midnight hostage, which ended poorly for him. I prefer avoiding violence if possible, but they left me no choice. I am a part of no conspiracy. I just kill traitors that attempt to hurt me or my friends. I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m afraid I can allow no other outcome when I am threatened.”

“You could have stood aside,” the stallion said, stepping up next to the original mare. “They only wanted Pertz. They had no issue with you!”

“I couldn’t let a traitor go free,” I said. “Not after what he did. Not after what I saw. I should have put him down when I saw what he had done instead of bringing him in alive. Yes, his trial was a farce, but it was also pointless. He was undoubtedly guilty. If you choose not to believe that, especially after the truth spell that was cast on the witnesses, you’re delusional.”

“Anypony that sees Celestia as anything other than a threat is the delusional one,” the mare said, slapping a hoof against the floor. “And we will not live a life of fear!”

“And what exactly do you intend to do?” I asked. “Do you think three ex-nobles will be enough to bring down Celestia?”

“No. But I think three ex-nobles will be able to deal with Celestia’s tool while she’s unarmed and unarmored.”

Before anything else could happen, a loud and feminine voice cut across all the other noise in the room. “Oh Naaav!” Fleur called out, practically jumping across the room. She got to my side very quickly and carefully hugged me. “You’re so beautiful! I knew this dress would be perfect!” Then she saw my face and gasped. “And your makeup is perfect! I knew you’d find that kit handy.” She finally dropped the hug before I could muster up the will to return it and looked to the nobles around me. “I do hope you don’t mind, but I simply must borrow my dear Nav for a few moments. We have so much to discuss and there truly isn’t enough time!”

“Actually, we—”

“Great!” Fleur quickly began pulling me away. “My apologies, truly. You can have her back soon!” The other nobles in the room, the ones not in the plot to murder me, were all staring at that point. As quickly and loudly as she moved, it was definitely an attention grabber. Soon, she had me bundled out of the room, where I saw Blossom finally managing to catch up. “So how was the flight over?” Fleur asked before either of us could talk. We continued walking, so I assumed she was leading us somewhere private.

“Calm,” Blossom said, catching my eye for a moment and shaking her head slightly.

“And breezy,” I said. “I didn’t do much with my hair, thankfully.”

“Yes, open chariot rides can just ruin a mare’s mane. Thankfully, the weather is nearly perfect tonight, so your dress was just fine. And I do so adore the way it looks on you, truly!” She pushed open the door to a side room and continued, “In fact, I may commission one for myself soon.” When we were all inside, she pulled it closed with magic and then locked it. “Dear sweet Celestia, you almost got murdered,” she breathed, turning back to me.

“Yeah, I fucking noticed,” I said. “Shit was about to get real bad real quick.”

“I heard some of what happened, but I need the details,” she said. “Several of my nobles are in an upheaval and I need the full truth to placate them. If the princess truly is targeting us, we need to know. But if somepony is lying to turn everypony against her, I need to get the word out immediately.”

“Nav and I dealt with some traitors,” Blossom said with a shrug. “There’s not much more to it.”

“That is not true,” I said. “And I know you’re both smart enough to not repeat all of what I’m about to say. Right?” They both looked fairly worried for a moment, but finally nodded. “After Pertz was imprisoned, Celestia gave me an envelope with six nobles in it. She told me that she believed any of those six would be coming to break Pertz out. And if they did, I needed to ensure that they failed. She knew someone was coming, and she guessed right. Three of the six showed up. Three nobles and a diamond dog mercenary came to free Pertz. I warned them to leave. They told the mercenary to attack me. He refused and left. They tried attacking me. I killed two of them. The last one took Blossom as a hostage and threatened her. She wounded him and I finished him off. Then Celestia came to inspect the bodies and cleaned them up.”

“So they attacked you first,” Fleur said.

“Correct. I warned them repeatedly that doing so would be unwise.”

“He did,” Blossom said with a nod. “They were of the opinion that Pertz was weakened in his time in the jungle and that three against two would be more than even odds. They were trying to free a traitor and paid the price.”

“I probably didn’t have to kill them,” I said. “But leaving them alive would be even more problematic in the long run. Fleur, Celestia is not targeting all nobles. She knows who is working against her and who is not, and she believed this show of force would be enough to cow the others for a few generations, especially when she stripped the titles from their families. I need you to make sure that is true. Right now, we absolutely need all the nobles behind her, or at least not working to cast her down. I can’t tell you all the details, but shit’s about to go haywire for a while and we need—I cannot stress this enough, we literally need—all the nobles behind her. I’m talking about the fate of all civilizations in the world right now, Fleur. Get these assholes placated and make them stop their shit and rally behind Celestia, or at least stop working against her. Work for yourselves if you have to, but don’t try to usurp her and support her in the coming trials.”

Fleur was silent for a few long seconds before slowly sighing. “That goes against quite a lot of what you told me before, Nav.”

“Not really. Help your husband, try to build up unity between the races, work for equality and shit, but remember that a storm is coming and Celestia is your rock in the water. Keep doing whatever you want, as long as you don’t try to usurp Celestia’s authority. She’s about to go through some really hard times and it’s fairly important that she stay on top.”

She pursed her lips for a moment and said, “It would be much easier with you by my side, Nav. You have a certain kind of respect that I lack. I am certainly more powerful in some ways, but my reputation has taken some dings from what my husband has asked of me. Between the two of us, we could run Canterlot.”

“You’ll have to make do without me,” I said, putting a hand on one of her shoulders. “My job is one of the most crucial of all. Celestia is going to work on international relations soon. She needs her home in order while she’s gone. I’m working on finding things, and Celestia’s authority and power have been my main backbones on that journey, so I also need her in power. I can’t be here and there at the same time, and I’m needed there a lot more than here. I need you to fix this for me, Fleur. Keep Celestia in power. Keep working on your own goals. Placate these asshole nobles and get them to quit their shit. Stability and peace are crucial right now.”

She sighed again and placed a hoof against my hand on her shoulder. “I trust you, Nav. But can you give me any information about what’s coming?”

“It’s a long story. Humans used to be the dominant species on the planet. We… created? Awoke? I don’t know, something evil and chaotic rose to power during our reign and killed us. I am among the last. We engineered other races, of which ponies were one, and created beings to guide them. This evil entity was still active then and tried to kill off the other races as well. This cycle continued for a while. The last time it did, it killed all of the alicorns but two: Celestia and Luna. They stopped it with Chrysalis’s help. It’s back and active. Celestia’s trying her thing to stop it and I’m trying mine. So unless you want another few races to go extinct, it’s pretty important that we unfuck ourselves quickly. This thing is currently sitting idle as far as we know, but when he gets bored and we don’t have anything in place to deal with him, that’s it, we’re done. So the last thing that needs to be on Celestia’s mind right now is some kind of uppity noble getting plans above their station. We got bigger fish to fry.”

“...Oh.”

“So yeah, that’s why I can’t be in town right now. I don’t even need to be here now. Celestia just needed my help to put Pertz away. I have revenge to plan. This motherfucker killed my people and he turned me into a chick. I’m going to do more than end this demonic piece of shit: I’m going to make him a fucking unperson. There won’t even be a mention of this bastard anywhere by the time I’m done. He will be totally and utterly forgotten.”

“And you’re… sure about all of this?” Fleur asked.

“Yes. You want your mental and emotional revolution of Canterlot, now’s the time for it. Get the nobles concerned with helping people and not with being selfish fuckheads. Make them honest, make them good. Make them truly noble. The rest of what you wanted will come in time, then. It’s time for you to take charge, Fleur. Can you do that for me? Will you?”

She nodded. “I will do it for all of us. Regardless of the reasoning, demon or not, this is what I knew was coming. Now I just have a less selfish reason for doing it. I suppose the time for my great crusade has come. And it will begin tonight, when my husband finally unshackles himself. That will be the first of many truths to come.”

“Baller as fuck.” I finally pulled away from her and stretched. “So is this thing gonna happen soon or what?”

“...Soon, yes. I was waiting to speak with you, because… Well, I don’t suppose the reasoning matters now.” She sighed a third time and said, “It is strange, feeling urgency. I haven’t felt anything like it in a long time. I… like it, truthfully. I have purpose, finally.”

“Well, I’m glad at least one of us is happy about our possible imminent doom,” I said with a smile. “Shall we go collect Fancy, then?”

“I just have a question first, a personal one,” she said. “And I don’t mean to offend and if you tell me no, I’ll never discuss it again. But you said your one hangup about… relations with me was that I was married. When that is no longer the case…?”

“We’ll talk,” I said.

“Very well. I am, if nothing else, a patient mare. Let us go obtain my soon-to-be ex-husband. And Blossom?”

My vampire date flinched. She had been staring at me with a strange look on her face. Her eyes jerked to Fleur. “Yes?”

“Do not leave Navarone’s side again while we are here. Until I can make alliances and speak to several ponies, she will be in danger.”

“I will guard her,” she said, coming to attention. “Er… him.”

“It’s her,” I said. “I’m in a dress, wearing makeup, and supposedly in a lesbian relationship with you. I figure at this point, it is what it is, and it is that I have a vagina.”

“And while I am here, you will be safe,” Blossom replied. “My apologies at leaving you in the first place. Had I known—”

“Don’t worry about it. Nothing happened. You can let me pet your belly later to make up for it.” She snorted. “It’s going to happen and we’re both going to love it, just you wait.” She rolled her eyes. “Let’s go get this announcement done then, shall we?”

“Happily,” Fleur said. “It’s a long time coming. I just hope Fancy isn’t having a cold tail…”

“If he is, we’ll light a fire under his ass,” I said. “I made a point to dress up all fancy-like for this bullshit, so he better not pussy out.”

“We already made an agreement,” Fleur said. “If he tries to back out, I’ll expose him and all of his friends. It shan’t be an issue.”

“Good. All the truth does is set you free,” I said. “Let’s go.”

Fleur started walking to the door, but Blossom turned into mist and rematerialized at it. “Let me,” she said. “Just in case the nobles followed us.” She pulled it open and we all casually piled out. No one was in the hall, so Fleur took the lead. Since she knew where we were going, neither of us saw a problem with that. Blossom and I fell in next to each other. We were still doing the couple thing, so I placed a hand on her back.

When Fleur got a meter or two ahead of us, Blossom whispered, “I envy that mare.”

“We’re all prisoners to something,” I quietly replied. She chose not to reply.

When we got to the first room, we got to truly see her at work, too. She immediately dipped off to speak to nobles, throwing out some flattering words here, some mindless niceties there, and playing the crowd like a fiddle. We met her at the other side of the room and she took the lead again without a word.

“Some prisons are better than others,” Blossom muttered. I definitely couldn’t deny that.

That process continued two more times without anyone else trying to interact with the two of us. Fleur continued doing her thing while we just made an appearance. Finally, we got to the end of the line, so to say. It was the grand dance and meeting hall, taking up two full floors. One was the floor itself and the other was a viewing balcony. Since we were on the upper floor and everything else was on the bottom floor, we took the first staircase we came to. Fleur managed to look stately going down it, while Blossom and I just looked like soldiers pretending to be pretty ladies.

“You two find a place to stand near the stage,” Fleur said as we walked. “I shall go obtain my husband. We should be out soon.”

Blossom and I went on to stand over to the right of the stage, while Fleur took one of the side doors next to it. “So after this, we can leave, right?” I asked. “I’m not a fan of possibly getting murdered.”

“You will be safe while I am here,” Blossom replied. “And of course, I imagine you’ll be safe from unicorns whether I’m here or not.”

“Yeah, probably. But that doesn’t mean I’m safe from being stabbed. Especially in this dress.”

“You’ll be fine. After what’s about to happen, I imagine all the nobles will forget about you for a few hours anyway.”

“...True.”

We only had to wait for about another minute for Fancy Pants and his wife to come out from behind the curtain on the stage. From the way it was moving behind them, I figured there were several more ponies behind it.

Fancy’s horn lit up and a loud bell rang once. Soon, everyone started turning their attention to the stage. After half a minute or so, Fancy took a deep breath and started talking. “Hello to all of you. I’m happy to see so many kind and familiar faces tonight. Thank you all for attending the party my wife so wonderfully planned. Unlike many of her parties, this one has a great ulterior purpose.”

A great amount of muttering started happening in the audience, and several of the rich horses looked at me for a few moments, until he started talking again.

“The word noble has many meanings. To most of us, it is just a title, a thing that separates us from the common ponies. It is a gift of the blood, something that sets us apart. But it has another, better meaning: It means to have a high moral standing and to uphold great ideals. We are supposed to be above others, not solely by blood, but by our actions. We must be virtuous, and abstain from dark deeds. Gluttony, lust, greed, laziness, pride, wrath, envy, lying… All these and more must be beneath us. With that in mind, I have decided that I can no longer live a lie.”

The muttering quickly picked up in volume as he paused. It seemed that not many people had any idea what he was talking about. After a few seconds, Fleur’s horn lit up and the bell went off again, silencing them.

Fancy didn’t let the silence last long. “I am a homosexual.” The room instantly flooded with gasps. Fleur put a hoof on his side.

Before anyone in the audience could shout out any questions or whatever, the curtains parted and a dozen more nobles stepped out, some male and some female. Each admitted to the same thing.

As soon as the last one did, Fancy continued talking, “I know there are others like me out there. Others that are living a lie and tired of it. There is nothing to fear in coming out. The truth shall set you free. Taboos only exist if everypony finds shame in something, but the only shame in life is living a lie. Be who you are. Be happy about who you are. If those you love do not support you, they do not share your love. Cast them aside and find those who will love you for who you are. And if you are afraid, speak to me. I was terrified, but with the help of my wife and my friends, I overcame that fear. I am now free. The only regret is how long it took me to come out.”

“What about your marriage?” someone called out.

Fleur took a step forward to field that one. “We are having it absolved soon. We never truly consummated it, so it shall be easy for us.”

Fancy stepped forward as well and said, “Before Fleur and I were married, I struck a deal with her. She knew beforehoof that I was gay. I gained a smokescreen. What she gained is her own business.”

“I am infertile,” she said, making even more ponies gasp. “I agreed to take the blame for us having no foals if the question was ever asked.” Fancy looked at her in shock. She sadly smiled back at him. “I, too, am tired of living a lie. When I am no longer tied to you, I do not wish anypony to attempt to court me without knowing the truth.”

Fancy looked at her for a few moments longer before nodding and looking back into the crowd. “This is a night of revelations, everypony. It is a night of freedom and happiness. Be who you are, not who others believe you are supposed to be. Now, I believe I shall finally do what I should have never stopped myself from.” He turned to one of the stallions on the stage with him. “Would you care to join me in a dance?”

“Happily, Sir Fancy Pants.” Fancy took one of the guy’s hooves and led him onto the floor as music started to play. They quickly fell into the rhythm and started dancing. They stayed alone for about fifteen seconds before I shrugged, took Blossom in hand, and walked over to join them.

That opened the floodgate. I know a lot of nobles were reeling from the news, but coming out like that wasn’t illegal and with so many people doing it at once, it could hardly stay too taboo. Couples, both straight and gay, joined us as we danced.

After a few sets, the mood in the room was much closer to what it had been before the announcement. Since neither Blossom nor I actually liked dancing that much (especially in a dress), we dipped out when there were enough couples going. Instead of leaving the room, we took up a position back near the stage, where we could watch.

“So, thoughts?” I asked, staring at Fancy with a different guy on his arm. Or front leg, in this case.

“I think noble society is stupid,” Blossom said. “So what if somepony is gay? It means nothing to a commoner.”

“To a noble, it means you can’t pass on your blood,” I said. “Which is a pretty big deal, usually.”

“Tch. Whatever. You want to get out of this room? I’m sure we could find something actually interesting to do here.”

“Just a sec. Fleur’s walking over.”

She was heading to us alone, somewhat surprisingly. Despite being infertile, I figured she would have had a few possible suitors lining up already. I guess that’s what comes from being a complete slut for so long, though.

When she got to us, she reared up to gently hug me. “Thank you, Nav,” she said. “I knew you would be able to support him tonight.”

“All I did was help get the ball rolling,” I said, hugging her back and secretly enjoying her fluffy warmth. “But I’m definitely happy to help.”

“I know he’d like to talk to you before you leave, if possible,” she said, then let me go to slide back to the ground. “But after this announcement, I’m sure there will be quite a few nobles lining up to speak to him. It might be some time before he can get to you, so if you need to leave, he’ll definitely understand.”

“I am happy to wait for a friend,” I said. “Though I do kinda want to get out of here soon. At the moment, it seems that he’s happy right where he is.” All three of us turned to look at him. He was slow dancing with a stallion, a large smile on both their faces. “I can’t understand why anyone ever thought hiding who you really are would be healthy or good. With one life to live, there is no time to waste trying to be someone else to appease others. But I guess that’s just the opinion of an idealist.”

“I think it’s a good opinion to have,” Blossom said.

“As do I,” Fleur agreed with a nod. “I shall let him know you need to get back to the palace soon, then lead you to a sitting room. He’ll finish this dance and then join us.”

“Thank you, Fleur. It’s a little past my bedtime, though I’ll happily stay if Blossom wants to.”

We both looked at the bat mare. Her wings fluttered slightly and she shrugged. “I’m uncomfortable in a dress. I certainly wouldn’t mind staying, but I believe we’re nearing the three hour mark that I gave our guard escort; they should be here to pick us up fairly soon.”

“Then I shall go speak to Fancy. Wait right here.” She departed, slipping through the crowd of dancers with practiced ease.

“So how do you like wearing a dress?” Blossom asked.

“It’s not as bad as it could be,” I said. “And it’s… liberating for everyone to finally know for sure that I’m a chick. It also feels really good that everyone is so accepting of it. I honestly expected to have people making fun of me. It’s weird. I still have a guy’s mind, but there’s something about being… being pretty that I like, I guess. Maybe it’s just because I’m a slut.”

“Probably. I’m glad you’ve finally accepted who you are, even if you aren’t necessarily happy about it.”

“...Well, if Fancy Pants can do it, so can I. Maybe one day I’ll finally be happy about it.” I slowly ran my hand down my side, feeling the soft fabric. “At least the clothes are usually really comfortable. And I definitely like the way the tight ones rub across my—”

“Are you ready?” Fleur said, skipping back.

“Yep. Lead the way.” She used a much more sedate pace to lead us down a large hallway. Blossom and I continued walking side by side, my hand once again on her back. “This is a lovely party, by the way.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” Fleur replied. “I truly do wish you had joined us at the anime convention. Everypony would have been so overjoyed to have your support. And of course, Rarity would have been happy to make you a wonderful outfit.”

“Rarity just likes making me suffer. She takes any chance she can get to do so.” Fleur chuckled, possibly thinking I was joking. I decided not to disabuse her of that notion. “But anime really isn’t my thing.”

“Nor mine, truthfully. But no matter. Here we are…” She pushed a door open and led us into a very nice and lush sitting room. A fireplace was going on one side and a large mirror dominated the other. Three couches sat in a small circle in the middle. I sat on one and Blossom carefully laid across my lap again. Fleur took up residence on another. “You two make such a beautiful couple.”

“Thank you,” Blossom said with a small smile. “Several of the nobles we ran into tonight didn’t seem to agree too much.”

“Then they’re wrong,” Fleur said, casually waving a hoof. “You’re both stunning and seem absolutely perfect together. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were actually dating!”

“She won’t let me pet her, though,” I sighed. Blossom rolled her eyes and Fleur giggled.

“Then the next time I visit, I’ll happily let you stroke me however you like,” she said. “I’ve heard good things about your belly rubs…”

“They’re all true,” I said with a smirk. “Maybe we can let Blossom watch so she can feel jealous.”

“Let’s not and say we did,” my date said, weakly slapping me with a wing.

Before I could call her adorable and snuggle her close, the door opened and Fancy Pants joined us. “My apologies for the delay,” he said with a large grin. “I was sharing a moment that has long been denied me.”

“No problem at all,” I said. “I’m sorry to take you away from the party and the dance. But I need to leave soon and I figured you’d want to talk, so…”

“I am happy to talk,” he said, walking over to the final couch. “To the one who gave me the chance to come out in peace, I will happily make time. The first thing I would like to say is a thanks, for talking to my wife behind my back and getting her to sell out my secret. The second thing I would like to say is a thanks for getting her to talk me into coming out.”

“You’re welcome to both,” I said with a nod. “I hope you can find happiness now. And so can dozens of other people who repressed and hid their nature over the years.”

“We will. The dozen others that publicly came out with me tonight are just the beginning. I spoke to at least fifty others that will come out over time, to help encourage those that were too afraid to do so tonight. Soon, the club that I fostered over the years will be unnecessary, though I believe I’ll keep it going anyway. As its clientele is both male and female, you are most definitely welcome.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, though I’m not a true lesbian; I’m happy with both, though I do prefer females.”

“Regardless, there is a place for you there should you desire it. It is not just sex, though that is a part of it. And of course, all the patrons are masters of secrecy, so anything you do or say would be completely private.”

“Noted. If I’m ever interested, I’ll ask you for more information.”

He nodded. “The next thing I’d like to discuss is the truth of what happened last night. I have heard that three nobles attempted to free Pertz. All three were cut down by your blade, and their families were stripped of titles, land, and wealth. What truly happened?”

“That’s pretty much it,” I said with a shrug. “Fleur already asked. Celestia had a suspicion that some nobles she thought were traitors would attempt to free Pertz. She asked me to make sure they failed. Sure enough, three of them did try. I tried to talk them down. They attacked Blossom and I. I killed them all and Celestia declared them traitors. That’s pretty much that.”

“For trying to free Pertz, they are most definitely traitors. But I’m afraid I must warn you that traitors or not, hurting them might have consequences.”

“Yeah, I know. Their widows already tried to kill me tonight.”

His eyes widened and he shot off the couch. “When?! How?!”

“About an hour or so ago, before the announcement,” Fleur said. “I managed to save her and got her away from them. They’ll likely try again, if I had to guess; I’d imagine they think they have so little left to lose that any attempt at revenge is worthwhile.”

“They will soon find themselves disabused of that notion,” he growled. “Captain, by your leave, I’d like to lead a contingent of guards to where they are hiding and arrest them before the night is out.”

“You have it,” Blossom said with a nod. “I will make the arrangements when the two of us return to the palace. Be careful; one of those mares is a professional duelist.”

“I may be old, but I am still plenty able to fight,” he said. “If they try to resist, I will put them down. Violence should not answer violence, but I will not allow them to harm my friend.”

“If you want, I can gear up and go with you,” I said. “I specialize in taking down unicorns.”

“I remember full well what you did to Shining Armor,” he said. “But no, you cannot go. A knight has the authority to arrest somepony. You are no longer a knight. And you getting involved might only make things worse, since it will seem like you’re getting revenge. I will be able to arrest them with no issue.”

“...Alright. But be careful. I can’t stand the thought of you getting hurt on my behalf.”

He smiled and bowed. “I shall come to no harm, my lady.” My wings twitched slightly. “Now, I’m afraid I must take my leave. I must dress myself for a battle. Fleur, can you handle the rest of the party without me?”

“Of course, Fancy. I shall easily take it in hoof. If anypony asks where you are, I’ll just tell them you were exhausted from the ordeal of finally coming out.”

He nodded. “Excellent. Farewell for now, Lady Navarone, Captain Midnight. I shall see you both later.” With another bow for both of us, he trotted out, pulling the door shut behind him with magic.

“I wonder when I’ll get used to being called a lady,” I mused aloud.

“Your reactions are so cute,” Fleur said with a small smile. “Though when your injured wing twitched, I think you lost a few feathers…” I looked to my side and sure enough, a few white feathers were stuck on Blossom’s dress. I idly picked them away.

“Now we actually have a good reason to leave,” Blossom said. “I was going to try to detain them myself, but it’s probably better that a noble lead the task force, especially one as respected as Sir Fancy Pants.”

“What if they already fled Canterlot?” Fleur asked. “Nav could still be in danger.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said. “Tonight, I am in a dress with no weapons and surrounded by their allies. Later, I’ll be armed and ready for a fight. Trust me, I don’t die easily.”

“No, I suppose you don’t,” Fleur said, looking to my chest. “Many of us were surprised when you recovered from what Blueblood did.”

“That was probably the worst injury I’ve had, but certainly not the only one,” I said. “I’ve been stabbed, shot, burned, poisoned, dropped, beaten, crushed, and who knows what else. It takes more than some kind of pissy ex-noble trash to put me down.”

“I suppose knights of Equestria must be tough. Or perhaps it’s humans that are tough.”

“Humans are survivors,” I said. “We can come back from almost anything, and we’re usually stronger for it. But anyway, I’m tired. I didn’t get any sleep last night and it’s fall, so my body really needs it. If you wouldn’t mind…”

Blossom slid off my lap and Fleur shook her head. “By all means. I’d certainly hate to keep you up. I know you’ve had a busy schedule and I know how little you like these parties. Thank you both for attending. It really means a lot to Fancy and I.”

“I’m happy I could help you both,” I said, standing. “I know what it’s like to try to live a lie. Nobody deserves that. It’s good that you’re both finally free.”

“It certainly feels liberating,” she replied. “Do you need me to show you the way out?”

“If you don’t mind,” Blossom said. “I know I certainly got turned around in here.”

“I’m happy to have your company,” I said. “By all means, lead the way.”

She did, with gusto. I probably didn’t need her to find the way out, but with her guiding our path and mindlessly chattering with us, all the nobles that might have wanted to speak to me shied away.

Soon enough, the three of us got to the entrance of the great manor. When we all stepped outside, we saw that our chariot was already waiting on us. “It was a pleasure, Fleur,” I said, rubbing at her ears.

She beamed up at me. “The pleasure was all mine, dears. I’ll call on you at the palace in a few days, Nav. Fancy Pants might come see you tomorrow, too.”

“I’ll be waiting,” I said with a nod.

“And I’ll come see you tomorrow night, Blossom,” Fleur said. “To discuss moving arrangements, if you’re still willing to help.”

“I am. I’ll be in my office early tomorrow night and early the next morning. And of course, you’re welcome at my home when I awaken.”

“I believe I’ll stop by your home around when you awaken,” Fleur said. “I’ll be sure to bring you a snack, too.”

Blossom’s ears twitched and she uneasily grinned. “That would be nice.”

Fleur happily nodded. “Then it’s a date. Tata for now, both of you!” She did a weird horsey curtsy and then went back into the party.

“Well, that was certainly a night,” I sighed, turning to walk to the chariot. Blossom joined me without a word.

When we got there, one of the guards asked, “How was it?”

“Interesting,” I said. “Fancy Pants and a few dozen nobles admitted to being gay and I almost got killed.” Both of their heads shot toward me, of course. “You’re free to say ‘I told you so,’ if you want.”

“Er… Well I mean… I did kinda tell you so…”

“Yeah, yeah.” Blossom stepped into the chariot and held out a hoof for me. I took it and let her help me up. “Just take us back to the palace.”

“Of course… my lady.” The other guard chuckled and I couldn’t help but grind my teeth as they took off.

When we got back to the palace, there was no one else at the chariot pool. That wasn’t too unusual for that time of night, so we didn’t think much of it. Blossom helped the guards unhook themselves and they wandered off to the barracks, quietly talking about how cute we both were.

Once they were out of earshot, Blossom turned to me. “So you made it all night without petting me.”

“I did.”

“Do you know what that means?” she asked, grinning slyly.

“That I get a fun reward?” I hopefully asked, my uninjured wing unconsciously spreading. She waved me lower and I bent down, letting her whisper in my ear. My eyes widened and the wing shot fully out. “Yeah, let’s go back to my room!”

Before we could start moving, someone cleared a throat behind me. Blossom’s eyes went as wide as saucers and I slowly turned around. Princess Celestia stood before us, wearing a very interesting expression. “Hello, Navarone, Captain. Am I interrupting something?”

“Um. No, Princess,” Blossom said. “Nav and I… Er, Navarone and I were just… getting back from something.”

“From a party,” I quickly said. “Fleur wanted two more of her friends there, so we both went.”

“As friends!” Blossom quickly added. “We went as two friends, there to see another friend!”

“Hm. That is a very beautiful dress, Nav. And your makeup is absolutely gorgeous. I’m surprised to see you dressed up so nicely to go to a party with a friend.”

“It was a fancy party for fancy ponies,” I said with a shrug, trying to hide any nervousness. “And I figure, you know, fuck it. Everyone knows I’m a chick at this point. Why bother hiding it?”

Celestia finally grinned. “I’m ever so happy to hear you say that, Nav.” She looked over at my date. “It was nice to see you, Captain. I believe Nav and I have something to discuss on my bed. I’m sure she’ll be happy to speak more with you later.”

“Of… of course, your highness. I’ll uh… I’ll talk to you later, Nav! I mean, Navarone…” Just like that, she fucking bolted, leaving me alone with Celestia, whose eyes quickly turned lustful.

“I’m going to enjoy this so much,” she breathed, stepping closer and leaning in.

She did not wait until she got me onto her bed.