Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/12BvIPmivyB1ie9_9sH-7E7JK0eHrAqAb0VNFvN2JCBo/edit

While I was headed down to my room, I was stopped by Crabapple. “We’re almost there?” she asked.

“Yeah. You want to come with me to give your report about the mine to the princess? She’s going to want to know what your company knew about it. That’ll be a good chance for you to drop your resumé off, too.”

“My… what?” she asked, blinking.

“Your resumé. You know, the paper that describes all your past work experience, education, name and residence… It’s what you use in a job application.”

“I have never heard of such a thing. To get a job, you show the employer your cutie mark and tell her what it means. You either get hired or not.”

I just shook my head. “Fucking Ponyland. Whatever. You coming or not?”

“I’m quite sure Princess Celestia doesn’t have time for my report, or for me in general. I think it best—”

“Yeah, you’re coming,” I said, nodding. “Meet me topside in five.”

“But—”

“Don’t bother dressing up.” Before she could make a rebuttal, I walked past her to my room. However, Crabapple is not so easily cowed, it would seem, so she followed me.

“I will not waste the princess’s time,” she told me before I could close my door.

“I know her. You don’t,” I said. “Trust me when I say that you won’t be wasting her time. If you really don’t want a job with her, you don’t have to come. But if you do, meeting her in person’s probably the best way to do so.”

“...I came here to start a new life. I suppose starting it in a bold and daring way will definitely be new. And if things go poorly, I suppose I truly do have nothing to lose.”

“That’s the spirit. Topside in five.” She sighed and wandered off, allowing me to close the door.

There wasn’t too much I wanted to do in there, since I was already mostly prepared. I grabbed a bag that had Athena’s book and a change of clothes, just in case, then slung that weird enchanted cloak over my shoulders so I could use it to hide more of my feminine body. No matter what I did, my ‘cover’ would probably be blown as soon as I opened my mouth, but the constantly shifting cloak would serve as a good distraction to keep everyone’s eyes off my body and on the cloak. After a moment of thought, I collapsed the balancing baton and threw that in one of the cloak pockets. Aside from a dagger and a few throwing knives, it was the only weapon I had on me.

Since I was pretty much ready at that point, I went back to the deck. The passengers were milling about on one side, where they knew the airship would dock. Most of the soldiers were below, because they still needed to get paid by Watcher. Kat and Spider were at the front of the ship, watching the famous and beautiful Canterlot slowly grow larger and larger. Twilight was standing some distance away from them, though she was also facing toward the city.

I joined her, since I still needed to speak to her. “What are you doing first?” I asked.

“Going to speak to my parents,” she said, not looking back. “I’m sure they’re worried sick, even though the princess is relaying all of my letters to them. After that, I’ll go to the mage tower to drop off the magical items we got from Athena’s realm. Or at least, the ones I was able to identify and decided were of no use to us. I’ll probably also find the runemaster and tell him about what Jak is doing.”

“Sure that’s smart?” I broke in. “I don’t want a ton of people crowding the ship and trying to figure out what’s going on. And I definitely don’t want a fight to break out over access to Athena’s book. You know firsthand how dangerous it is.”

“True. But then, should it be our choice who gets entry and who doesn’t?”

“Going into that book is practically suicide unless they’re accompanied by you or me. It may not be our choice, but surely you wouldn’t let anyone risk it.”

“...It is dangerous. I suppose it’s probably for the best that I not mention the book, then. Besides, the knowledge within has its own dangers. Either way, after I drop off the artifacts, I believe Celestia and I need to have a rather long discussion about my status as the element of magic.”

“Is that something you can even renounce?”

“I don’t intend to renounce it. I intend to learn real magic, so the name is true.”

“Good luck. Just don’t come to the palace until tomorrow, if possible.”

“Why’s that?” she asked, finally turning to me.

“Because my goal is to fuck Celestia silly, and I don’t think that’ll help you much.”

“I should’ve known it would be perverted,” she sighed, looking back to the city.

“Yeah, you should’ve. When are you heading back to Ponyville?”

“I don’t know yet. I’ll at least visit before we leave again, though. You’re welcome to come with me, when I do. I know you don’t want your… affliction being known, for whatever reason.”

“I might just do that.” Or I might just completely stay away. “I’ll see you later, Twilight.”

“You going in already?” she asked. “We haven’t docked yet.”

“These wings mean I don’t have to wait. But no, I need to talk to Kat before I leave.”

“Alright. I’ll probably see you tomorrow, if you’re still around the palace.”

“Maybe. I’ll be hiding, that’s for sure. Either way, later.” She didn’t reply, though that wasn’t overly surprising. After all, it’s hard to imagine she really approved of me saying I’d fuck Celestia. So I just went to talk to Kat, instead.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” she said when she heard me approach.

“It takes a while to get old, that’s for sure,” I replied. “But get nearly killed there a few times, and it starts to lose its luster.”

“I imagine…”

“You’re welcome to go into the city, Kat. But let me talk to Celestia before you take Spider with you. And even then, expect plenty of stares. I don’t know if there’s ever been a cat delegation here, and I know there sure as shit hasn’t been a spider delegation, so no one will have ever seen either of your kind.”

“I certainly would like to do some exploring here. But I suppose it can wait for a few days.”

“Good. And I hope I don’t need to tell you this, but stay out of crime while you’re here. You want to buy anything, come to me for gold. I’m friends with the guards here and I don’t want that soured to keep you out of trouble.”

“I’ll stay clean,” she said, nodding. “Do you think you could introduce me to the princess?”

“I could, but that would probably be a poor life decision. She might not know what you look like, but I bet she knows who you are. She might not be as forgiving.”

“...It seems once more that mistakes from the past haunt me.” Gotta pay for it somehow.

Saying that would have been mean, though, so I held my tongue. Spider, however, did not. “What mistakes?” he asked.

“I mistreated someone,” Kat quietly answered, her eyes finding mine. Understatement of the century, perhaps?

After that, I kinda wanted to see how Spider would react, but my attention was nabbed from behind. “Are you ready?” Crabapple asked.

When I turned to her, I found that she had disregarded my instructions and put on something nice. Or at least, something that could possibly be considered nice, I guess.

“I’d say we’re close enough,” I replied, stretching my wings. We were already over the main city, at that point, just heading to the skydock.

“Then shall we?” In response, I jumped off the side, flying toward the palace. Crabby joined me a moment later, her older body easily matching my lazy pace.

“You ever been to Canterlot?” I asked as we flew.

“Once. Ages ago, it feels like. I never thought I’d be back like this.” You aren’t the only one. “It’s almost like nothing changed.”

“Nothing ever seems to, in this place. Immortals don’t like change, I think.”

She didn’t reply to that, not that there was too much to say. We made it to the castle in less than five minutes, so the silence didn’t stretch too long. When we got to the front gates, she stopped. “May we see the—” She stopped, but I didn’t. One of the guards at the front gate was a night guard, surprisingly enough. When he saw me, he jerked his head slightly, telling me to go on, so on I went without a word. She sighed and followed. “I see you’re known here,” she said.

I just snorted, not wanting to talk in such a public place. There were servants and a few courtiers about in the front room, all of which stared at me with wide eyes as I passed. Thankfully, none had the courage to approach.

After so many times there, I knew the way to the throne room by heart, so that’s where I led us. There wasn’t a line, oddly enough, and another of the guards in front of the throne room door was another night guard.

“She’s not here, sir,” that guard told me. “She should be eating lunch, at the moment. I believe you know where her private room is?” I nodded and started walking off yet again.

Crabapple paused to thank him, then fell into step behind me. “Is interrupting her meal really a wise decision?” she whispered as she walked. Since I still didn’t want to talk, I just giggled. She sighed and rolled her eyes, hanging her head slightly.

Celestia’s private dining hall thing isn’t that far from the throne room, wisely enough. After all, taking too much time to walk back and forth would be inefficient. When we got there, I just let myself in, pushing the door open wide. She was on the other side, of course, devouring something healthy for once.

“Miss me?” I asked, a smile finally on my face. This room, after all, was bereft of other company, so I wasn’t too worried about my voice.

“More than you can know,” she answered as I let myself in. Crabapple followed at a slower pace, immediately bowing when she got inside. “Who’s this?”

“The leader of the miners we were guarding,” I said. “I figured you’d want to know what the company knew about the spot before you go there to blow it the fuck up.”

“Very thoughtful of you,” Celestia drily answered. “Though I can’t imagine she was overly pleased to leave her family behind.”

“I don’t have a family,” Crabapple said. “Not that I would mind leaving them, if the princess needed my report.”

“And she doesn’t have a job anymore,” I said, walking to the other side of the table and taking a spot. “I figured you might know someone that could help with that.”

“Maybe,” Celestia answered with one of her small smiles. “Please, join us, Ms…?”

“Crabapple,” the old lady said, eying one of the chairs apprehensively. “I ate before coming.”

“And I don’t eat that alfalfa shit,” I said. “That doesn’t mean you can’t sit.”

“You know I can request something more to your liking,” Celestia said, once again looking to me.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be on the menu later,” I said with a wink. She rolled her eyes, since Crabby was still there.

“Princess, do you want that report now, or when you’re… not busy?” Crabapple asked. “I wouldn’t want to disturb you.”

“I very much doubt the report will be disturbing to me,” Celestia answered. “Though Nav’s tale of what he went through might be. Just keep to the basics. What the company knows isn’t honestly very important. But please, sit. Mares our age shouldn’t be forced to stand, you know.”

Crabapple seemed to sag slightly before taking one of the chairs closer to Luna’s side and sitting down. “There isn’t that much to tell, thankfully,” she started with. “Miners Without Borders is, as the name suggests, a company that has mines across several countries. We were looking to expand to a place where we didn’t expect any competition, so we turned our eyes south. First, to the land mass directly under ours. We sent a small scouting team and they never returned, so we decided to try elsewhere, going further south. We sent a small team down to what Navarone calls Antarctica. Within a week of scouting, they found a location rich in very good quality iron, what we later learned was probably steel or something else. We didn’t know there were undead and we didn’t know there were ruins there.”

“...Did your company sell the information to anypony else?” Celestia quietly asked. “Perhaps trying to eliminate or damage a rival?”

“I… could see them doing that,” she said, looking away. “That expedition was damaging to the company. We sank over twenty thousand bits into it and got nothing back. I wouldn’t be surprised if our company sold the location to several other companies to recoup the losses and damage others at the same time.”

“Well, that simply won’t do,” Celestia said, shaking her head. “I’ll be sure to get into contact with the guards in that area and have them speak to the heads of the company. It would be inconvenient to lose more ponies to the undead menace.”

“What… If you don’t mind me asking, what are you going to do with them?” Crabapple asked.

“That depends entirely upon Navarone,” she said. “Or rather, what he tells me about the bunker. Killing undead is easy for trained soldiers, but dealing with the cold is not. And dealing with an undead dragon? It would be much better to quarantine the area and label it on all maps as dangerous than actually eradicating the undead. But as of right now, I have the incomplete story.”

“No promises about that story being helpful,” I said with a shrug. “But I definitely ain’t gonna tell it while you’re eating.”

“Nor would I ask you to. Nav, I trust you still know the way to my chambers?” Oh, I like where this is going.

“You know it.”

“Head there now. I need to speak to some ponies, then I shall join you.”

“I’ll warm myself up for you,” I said, standing.

“We’re going to have a long conversation, I believe,” she said, narrowing her eyes slightly. “So keep your mind focused.” I was already to the door at that point.

“Of course, of course. See you later, Crabby.”

“It’s Crabapple!” she called as I started walking down the hall. Since I was back in the hall, I didn’t reply, not wanting my voice to carry. Surprisingly, though, most of the halls were completely empty. True, the palace was rarely ‘bustling’, but I just couldn’t imagine why there were almost no servants or guards around. I only saw a few on the long way to Celestia’s room, and there wasn’t even anyone right outside of her door.

The doors were unlocked, so I just let myself in. Her anteroom was the same welcoming place it always was, with no new additions. I didn’t stop there, though, instead going straight to her bedroom. It was also the same as it usually was, comfy and warm. There was only a single new addition, a small mirror that hadn’t been there the last time.

I didn’t care what I looked like, so I just tossed my pack to the floor, removed the strange cloak, and fell back onto the bed. “What do you think?” I asked aloud.

“She seemed more stressed than usual,” Flo said. “Less playful, or at least she was around Crabapple. What happened to her sister is taxing her. I imagine the newspapers are trying to find any sign of weakness, so she’s cracking down. Be wary about teasing her, Nav.”

“No promises, especially not if she starts it. But I suppose being more careful is wise. Think I should… get a little more comfortable?”

“No. Her response to the letter said yes, but you should wait for her to tell you she’s ready.”

“Oh, you’re no fun. But fine, I’ll chill. For now. But if she doesn’t put out, you better.”

“I’ll be sure to give myself watery tentacles, just for you,” she sarcastically answered.

“Oh baby, you know I like being violated!” That statement wouldn’t have been nearly as awkward if Celestia hadn’t picked that moment to walk in.

“Am I interrupting?” she asked, levitating her crown and neck bangle off. As she took steps inside, her four shoes stuck to the floor.

“Just practicing,” I said, scooting over and patting the bed next to me.

“I can’t wait to see how good you got,” she answered as she joined me on the bed. “But later. You owe me a story.”

“You want to preemptively cuddle? I know you’ll start hugging me before I get past the first few words.”

“Given the choice, I’d rather just pull the information from your mind. I know it was a painful experience and I’d rather you not have to relive it. And this way, I can get all the information and study everything as it was, which is the reason I need to know in the first place.”

“What do you mean?”

“When dealing with such dark and powerful magic as necromancy, one does not wish to take chances. With that many undead plaguing the area, I know there are a few possible ways they could get there. One is a powerful necromancer, probably drawn by either the solitude or the monstrous darkness that resides within that bunker. Another possibility is that the bunker itself indirectly created the undead. That option is very unlikely, but I need to check on it.”

“Then go for it. That’ll save some time anyway.”

“Indeed. There are still many preparations to be made before the Gala, after all.”

“Oh shit, it’s that time of the year again, isn’t it?”

“It is. You came at just the right time. The Gala will be in a few days.”

Fucking hell, not again. At least I don’t have to go this time. “That sucks. But if it’s coming up, why isn’t anyone in the palace? The place is empty.”

“I gave most of them the day off, ostensibly to let them relax before the Gala. But really, I knew you didn’t want any of them to discover your… condition, so I decided the easiest way to do that would be to remove them from the palace.”

“Awesome. And that means we can be as loud as we want!”

She finally rolled over on top of me, her large furry body pressing against me delightfully. “Indeed. But only after I get the information I need. So ready your mind.” Her horn lit up and she touched it to my forehead.

In an instant, we were both in Flo’s glade. “Welcome,” the watery soul said.

Celestia looked around, a small hint of surprise on her face. “So this is what Luna meant when she said his dreams were strangely calm. Interesting. Are all elemental realms like this?”

“All water hosts have similar areas. I preferred staying on land, so this is how I fashioned my haven. Most are much more wet.”

“Very, very interesting. It’s a shame it took me this long to meet one of you. But small talk will have to wait, I fear. Are you able to show me what I need to see?”

In response, Flo shot a tendril of water at Celestia. It split in two before hitting her head and sinking into her ears. Both of her eyes turned blue and her mouth went slack.

“So uh… is she out of it?” I asked.

“For a few moments, yes,” Flo answered. I smiled and started to walk around behind her, but Flo grabbed me with another tendril. “No misbehaving in my glade.”

“It’s not misbehaving if she wants it!”

“Don’t make me give you a spanking, Nav.”

“...Would you please?”

“Ugh.” The tendril of hers holding me sank into my head. The next thing I knew, we were back in the real world, Celestia deeply inhaling and then sagging on top of me, putting most of her weight directly on me.

“I like having you on top, but you’re kinda heavy,” I said, pushing her up slightly.

“Such pain, such suffering,” she whispered, her hooves wrapping around me for a more complete hug. “Such darkness, such misery!” Her hug became tighter, almost painful. “And the spirits… The hateful, piteous spirits…”

“Piteous?! After what they did to me?”

“They did unto you because someone else did unto them, Nav. That place must be destroyed as quickly as possible. I shall send somepony to do it immediately.”

“Psh, who? That place is the gateway to hell, and it’s massive. If anyone tried going inside, I don’t imagine they would ever come back out.”

“I know full well who to send.” She finally released me and removed herself from the bed. “Please, wait in the antechamber. This might take a few minutes.”

“Hey, I don’t mind watching you get dressed and powdered up. It’ll just give me more ideas to punish Taya if I ever have to again.”

“There is something I must do, and I must be alone to do it. So please, wait outside.” She grabbed me with magic and pushed me through the door, then closed it behind me.

“What’s that about?” I asked, walking over to one of the more comfortable couches.

“With her, there’s no telling. Maybe she’s writing a letter to send to a dragon?”

“I guess that would be one way to do it. As long as that place gets destroyed, I don’t really care.”

“What happened to sending an elemental to try to glean information?”

“Ask Celestia, not me. I doubt there’s much there, though. You know they refused to help the others, so we couldn’t find much history of what happened after the war. At best, we’d just find some really, really sad tales of life as the place was crumbling down around them. Of course, I say best lightly.”

“True enough. And I doubt we would be able to find much, anyway. The equipment down there seemed to be mostly destroyed. Not to mention, it would still be a risk.”

Before I could reply, Celestia’s door opened and she said, “It’s taken care of. As much as I would really like to stay and… play, there are things I need to take care of. You’re welcome to stay here until tonight, when we can have some time together. Or, if you’re needed on your ship, I can send you a message with Spike when I’m done for the day.”

“I think I’ll just wait in your room, if you don’t mind. With Flo, I can fall asleep whenever I want and do some dream governing.”

“Then you’re welcome to my bed. You needn’t worry about defending yourself; the defenses about the room have been strengthened since the assassins attacked Cadance.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said, finally standing up. “You go have fun, now.”

She snorted and started walking to the door. “Unlikely.”

Before she could make it there, I jumped forward and snatched her into a hug, followed by stealing a kiss. She met it with equal fervor for about fifteen seconds, when I pulled away. “I missed you,” I whispered into her ear, still hugging her.

“And I, you, my precious human. I will continue missing you in the hours until we next meet.” Finally, she pushed me away. “Until tonight,” she said with a nod.

“See you then,” I answered, watching her ass sway as she walked away. When she was finally gone, I let myself into her room and then back down on her bed. Before I let Flo put me under, I noticed that her new mirror had moved, not that I paid it much mind.

Several hours later, I was stolen from my life as a dream fighter and forced back into the boring world of everything else fighting. Celestia was back, it seemed, and was staring at me as I opened my eyes. “Kinda creepy there,” I said, sitting up.

“It’s been so long since I got to see you sleep that I wanted a reminder,” she replied with a shrug, using magic to start pulling off her jewelry.

“Like I said, creepy. So, you down to fuck?”

“Not quite yet. First, I want to run a magical diagnostic check on you to see if I can find anything out about the spirit that possessed you. I was told it was still causing you problems.”

“It’s been a few days since I noticed anything happening. I accidentally braided Taya’s hair.”

“I know little about the undead or about ghosts, but maybe I’ll notice something Athena did not.” She stepped in close and shoved her horn at my face again. As soon as it lit up, I lifted my face up and licked it, making her blink. Before she could react, I started sucking on it. “Really?”

“I really, really want to fuck something,” I said around her horn.

“Well, be more patient,” she said, extricating her horn from my mouth. “I’m not able to see anything wrong with you, anyway. Do you want to see the letter Twilight found on you? We weren’t able to translate it.”

“If you weren’t able to, why would I be able to? I don’t speak Necril.”

“Are you just saying that so we can do things sooner?”

“No, of course not. That’s just silly. Let me just get out of these clothes…”

One of her hooves stopped me from standing up. “I had a… slightly different idea, if you don’t mind.”

“...What kind of idea?”

“Well, it has been a very long time since I last had a female… friend.”

I broke in before she could continue. “I’m not a girl. I just happen to have a vagina.”

“Right. That makes you female.” Stop oppressing me! “Twilight has written me a few letters about slumber parties. I was wondering if you would be interested.”

Ugh. “What exactly would that entail?” I asked, already dreading the answer.

“Oh, a few fun things. Gossiping. Pillow fights—scantily clad, if you like. Maybe truth or dare. Make overs. Playing dressup. I would say ghost stories, but I think you’d win. And we might… have another guest.”

“None of that sounds anything like fun, unless I can use the truth or dare thing to fuck you.”

She smiled really wide and batted her eyes. “Pretty please?” I sighed and fell back onto the bed, thinking. She did a hoof pump motion, because that was pretty much a sign that she had won.

Until… “On one condition,” I said, having thought up a fun little plan that she probably wouldn’t agree to.

“And what condition is that, my pretty little human?” she asked.

“That Gala’s coming up, you said. I want to fuck you during it.”

“I suppose I can take a break from the proceedings…”

“Oh no, you’ll be there the whole time. I’ll just be invisible.”

When she got it, her eyes went wide. “I… I couldn’t. After what happened with Luna…”

“Then no slumber party,” I said with a shrug.

She bit her lip and looked away. “Can I think about it?”

“Sure. But no slumber party until you say yes. So I take that to mean we’re not having sex tonight?”

“Well… I was never really attracted to other mares…”

“I’m not a girl. I’m a guy that happens to have a vagina. If it helps, you can just close your eyes and pretend.”

“You are not making this easy, Nav.”

“And you’re not telling me what you want, aside from a sleepover. I did that stupid baby shit with you and hated every minute of it. I’m not going to do something like that again without getting something out of it, or without making you do something you hate too. If you want me to leave, I’ll leave. I thought you were okay with me having the wrong body, but if not, oh well.”

“It’s not that, it’s just…”

When she didn’t continue, I knocked her hoof away and stood, then pulled her into another kiss. One of my hands went to her ears and started scratching behind one of them, while the other grabbed the hoof that she was reaching up with.

After a few seconds, I pulled away. “Tell me to leave,” I whispered. Before she could answer, I kissed her again. If it worked for Braeburn… “Tell me you don’t want it,” I said when I pulled away again. Before I could kiss her one more time, she used magic to push me back onto the bed. A smile came to my lips, since I figured I got my way, and my hands went down to my pants to pull them off.

“I agree to your terms,” she breathlessly said. “I’ll let you… toy with me during the Gala. The sleepover will begin as soon as I get back.”

God fucking dammit. “Can’t we at least… I don’t know, cuddle first?”

She gave me a very flat stare. “I know you. Cuddling would lead to your fingers in naughty places, which would lead to other things. I’m going to go get our other partier.”

“Oh come on. It’s been a few days since I got any action. You can’t just leave me hanging like this!”

She snorted and said, “At least your transformation hasn’t changed your large… appetite.”

“Nothing changed but what’s between my legs. And on my chest, I guess.”

“Good. I will see you in a few minutes.” Before I could try to get her in bed again, she teleported away.

“So on a scale of yes to no, how much of a mistake did I just make?”

“I’d say a solid yes,” Flo answered. “But just think of all the fun you can have during the Gala!”

“I just have a feeling that no matter what I do, it’ll never make up for the suffering I’m about to go through.”

“She was very quick to accede to it, so I imagine she agrees…”

Every single one of my fears was realized when Celestia’s door slammed open. “Navi!” Cadance yelled, rushing me for a hug. I was too shocked to react, so she hopped on the bed and viciously hugged me as Celestia walked in, making sure to close the door behind her. It only took Cadance a few seconds to realize my body had a new addition, making her pull away and poke my chest. “Nav, what are these?”

“You know how I had cursed stones that changed your gender?” It took about two seconds for it to click, and as soon as it did, she did her best to suppress her giggles. “Yeah, I don’t need this.” I started to stand to leave, but Cadance snatched me up in another hug, finally bursting out into laughter. “Cadance, I swear to god!”

Luckily for her, Celestia stepped in, using magic to pull the giggling pink hussy away from me. “Cadance, this has not been an easy time for poor Nav. I don’t think laughing at his misfortune is a good way to make him feel better.”

“Make her feel better, you mean?” Cadance asked, trying to hide a smirk.

“Fuck this, fuck you, I’m out,” I said, standing. Sadly, Celestia pushed me right back down with magic.

“Cadance, I brought you here because I assumed I could trust you to be more understanding.” Celestia walked over to where I was forced onto the bed and sat next to me, wrapping her wing around me. “Nav is quite displeased about his change. Teasing him will just make it worse.”

“Sitting right here,” I said, trying not to grind my teeth too hard.

Celestia continued anyway. “So I decided it might be best if we had a little sleepover to try to make him feel better.”

Cadance’s eyes instantly lit up. “A sleepover?! I’d love to!” Celestia let the magic holding her go and she shot toward us, wrapping us both in a large hug. “Oh, Nav, you’re gonna ha—Wait, it’s still Nav, right? Did you pick a girlier name?”

“Are you sure it’s not too late to kill myself?” I sighed, not knowing who I was talking to.

Cadance just giggled and continued, “You’re gonna have so much fun! Back when I was in school, I went to a ton of really fun slumber parties. Eeeeeee!” Her horn lit up and she fucking teleported away.

“God, what have you done?” I asked Celestia.

She shrugged and said, “I know the theory. Cadance has the practice. And since she was here for the Gala anyway…”

Before I could refute the point, Cadance teleported back in, a few things held in her magic grip. “Oh, this is gonna be so much fun! But since you’re our host, you can pick what we do first, auntie.” She very carefully set all the things she brought aside, then covered them with my abandoned cloak so I couldn’t see them.

“I’ve already decided to nix any kind of scary stories, because Nav would win, based on… her recent experiences.”

“Really?” I sighed. “You’re going to call me that?”

“It’s a slumber party,” Celestia said, pulling me tighter with her wing for a moment. “You agreed to it, knowing the possible ramifications. So play along.” My body sagged slightly and she nodded, happy that I was going to do it her way. “So I thought we could talk about gossip, first.” She picked me up with magic and set me down on the floor, across from Cadance. She hopped up herself and picked a spot equidistant, forming a triangle of sorts. “So Cadance, how are things in the Crystal Empire?”

“Hold on. Before we begin, Nav has to look the part.”

“And what exactly does that mean?” I asked, dreading the possible answers.

“Take off your clothes, silly!” she said.

“Oooh, yes!” Celestia quickly added. “Let’s see what the infamous Rarity decided to clothe you in under your usual outfit!”

Ugh. Since I did technically agree to it, even if it was possibly under duress, I removed my shirt, showing off the very sexy red bra I was unfortunately wearing (chosen to hopefully get Celestia hot). Cadance’s smile grew when she saw it, making me roll my eyes. When I removed my pants to reveal the very tight naughty-red panties I was wearing, she actually squeed again. That left me with just my bra, the panties, and my socks.

“There, happy?” I asked, trying to put as much misery as possible into my voice.

“You know, red is usually a… sexy color,” Cadance playfully said, her smile turning to a smirk.

“Yeah well, I wasn’t exactly planning on attending a sleepover. Though if you really want, we can make it sexy. Some girls back in my world used to practice kissing at their sleepovers.” That’s… probably not a lie. I think. “They also told all kinds of naughty stories.”

“Well… We can probably do at least one of those,” Celestia said, her eyes still caught on my panties. When I saw her eyes down there, I opened my legs slightly and leaned back. She quickly caught her breath and looked back to Cadance, a small blush on her face. “Now that we’re all prepared, how are things in the Crystal Empire?”

Fuck gossip. I did my absolute best to tune that bullshit out, though they each took every chance they could to drag me into the conversation.

When Celestia finally had enough of gossip, or perhaps when they ran out of things to talk about, they decided to take a very short break so Celestia could use the bathroom. As soon as she was gone, I sighed and fell back onto the floor, rubbing at my face.

Before I could bemoan my fate, Cadance carefully sat on my stomach. “You know, Nav, you’re going to be here all night,” she matter-of-factly said.

“I’m well aware,” I sighed, looking up at her. The smile that had been on her face since she saw me was now gone.

“You can either spend all night hating this, or you can at least try to have fun. I know you don’t want to be doing this and I know you don’t like what happened, but you are doing this and it did happen. So have fun with it when you can.” I opened my mouth to say something, but she just continued. “And if you don’t want to do it for your sake, do it for Celestia’s sake. When was the last time she got a chance to relax and have fun with friends? And I don’t mean sex, I mean clean fun.”

Before I could reply, Celestia walked back in. This wasn’t the normal Celestia we all know and love, no. This was the smoking hot human Celestia that only I ever (biblically) knew. And of course, she wasn’t wearing any clothes, not that I’d trust any fabric to hold back her glorious bosom. “Well, this party just got good,” I said from my position under Cadance.

Celestia grinned and her horn lit up very brightly. That light quickly transferred to Cadance, who immediately lost her balance and fell down on me. Normally, that would be at least slightly upsetting, but since Cadance turned into perhaps one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen, I didn’t have any room to complain.

“Alright, this just isn’t fair,” I said when I got a good look at her. “Luna’s like a delicate and beautiful flower, Celestia’s fucking sexy as hell, and now Cadance is angelically pretty. Are all princesses in this place really just that lucky?”

Cadance blinked a few times before very slowly lifting her hands in front of her, looking at them in shock. “I’m… I’m a human!”

“Yep. And I’m very seriously rethinking my status on going after married girls, especially since you’re already all over me.”

Celestia chuckled and pulled her off me. “Down, girl,” she said. “And what do you mean, it’s not fair? You’re pretty!”

I snorted and said, “Yeah, pretty plain. I’d be called cute at best, though that’s honestly pushing it.”

For better or worse, Cadance got over her shock rather quickly and started smirking again. “Well then, we’ll just have to fix that.” Her horn lit up and she started pulling over one of the boxes she brought in earlier.

“I believe that can wait,” Celestia said.

“Aww, but I wanted to make her really cute!” Cadance said, trying and failing to use puppydog eyes. Gonna need some more training with that human body. But man oh man, would I love to see you trying…

“Well, I don’t think there’s any reason to ruin the makeup by doing this later,” Celestia said, using magic to grab one of her pillows. Before I could ask what she meant, she took it in her hands and slammed it into Cadance. “I believe a pillow fight is in order,” she said with a small smirk.

“I’ll try to watch the horns,” I sarcastically said, rolling over to dodge the swing Celestia was making at me. Before she could recover, I grabbed the pillow and snatched it from her grasp, then jumped up to beat her upside the face with it. She went down, a very surprised look on her face. Before I could even start to celebrate, I felt a pillow spank my ass and then hit my stomach, held by a light blue aura. “Hey, no magic!”

“Well, I don’t know how to walk, so it only seems fair,” Cadance said, attacking Celestia before she could get a pillow to attempt to defend herself.

“Hey, I wouldn’t mind seeing you crawl,” I said, hitting Celestia again as she was trying to get up. “No promises my intentions would be pure, though.”

“Tch, pervert. Though I wonder what Shining Armor would think of this body…” As she was saying that, she was hitting one of Celestia’s arms as she tried to sit up, making the old lady fall right back down.

“I bet he’d—” Celestia interrupted what I was going to say by grabbing my pillow as it was coming down on her and snatching it away, then throwing it at Cadance, who was also about to hit Celestia again. That shocked lovebutt into dropping her pillow, which Celestia then grabbed before it hit the ground and slammed it into me.

“Well, that was quite fun,” Celestia happily said, somehow thinking it was over. Cadance very quickly disabused her of that notion, throwing the pillow right back at her with magic, and throwing me a pillow from the bed while she was at it.

Or maybe she was throwing it at me, but the end result was the same: While Celestia was reeling from Cadance’s throw, I capitalized on her weakness and slapped her upside the face with my new weapon, sending her back to the ground. I sent Cadance a thumbs up. She replied by hitting me in the back with a pillow, knocking me on top of Celestia as she tried to get up.

“I hope you realize, of course, that this means war,” I said, narrowing my eyes slightly.

Cadance giggled and grabbed another pillow from the seemingly endless pile on the bed. “Come at me, sis,” she happily said, her face twisting into a cute little smirk.

And so the battle raged. Boundaries drawn and redrawn, fortresses made and defiled, temporary pacts formed and betrayed. Truly, epics could be written about the war fought that night. But I’m lazy, so I’ll just give a more direct version.

Celestia was the first to bow out. After all, she was old and weary of the world. Also, swinging around those massive boobs was annoying and she was probably tired of me ‘accidentally’ falling into them.

That left the battlefield to me and Cadance. Pillow fighting experience and magic met treelike stamina and professional weapons training. Every thunderous blow traded left red marks on our tender and pale bodies. Every agile dodge sent beautiful flesh jiggling. Every inch gained or lost brought one side closer to ruinous defeat and the other to glorious victory.

Finally, after a long and grueling battle, I had Cadance—who had at some point figured out how to walk—against a wall, holding one pillow and waving it violently in the air to try to keep me back. After being forced to back away several times, I finally used one of my pillows to catch hers as it swung, then tucking it under my arm and wrapping my arm around both of hers, as they tried to free her pillow.

One of my weapons was disabled, but the other wasn’t. I held it high, ready to strike the final blow, but hesitated. “I’ll let you free, with but a single boon,” I said, smiling since my victory was assured.

“What could you possibly want from me, monster?” she asked, still fighting to free her arms and the pillow they held.

“Just a simple kiss, my dear,” I said, tightening my grip around her arms. “That’s not so much to ask, is it?”

“And betray my Shining Armor? Never!”

I sighed, shaking my head. “Such a shame. Then you shall die for your love.” As I started to swing the pillow down, she jerked her arms one last time, catching me off guard and freeing her pillow. She brought it up and slammed it into my face right as mine connected with her head. Both of us went down, because it’s a cartoon world where stuff like that happens.

“Well, that was certainly entertaining,” Celestia said from her position on the bed.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if I had bruises tomorrow,” I sighed, sitting up and rubbing at my head.

“What’s a bruise?” Cadance asked, also sitting up and rubbing at her head.

“If you keep that pretty little body, you’ll find out,” I said as I turned to Celestia. “Or do you feel like healing us?”

“No, no. I think that’s a good way to burn off a lot of your extra energy,” she said. “Now… How about dress up time?”

“You see, you say that, but I really can’t imagine you’d have clothes to fit us,” I said. “I know you put a lot of planning into this, but there’s no way you’d have our measurements.”

For some reason, the smile that came to her lips when I said that was not at all comforting. “While it’s true that I don’t have clothes to fit all of us and that I don’t know any of our measurements, I do happen to know somepony that knows your measurements.” My wings immediately sank, sensing a disturbance in all things good. “If things had been as they should, I would have skipped this part, though that would be rather disappointing. As it is, a certain fashionista has been making you all kinds of outfits, Nav. And when I had Twilight ask about it, she was all too happy to let me borrow them.”

It’s times like these that I wish I had just stayed with the monkeys. As much as I wanted to tell her to fuck off, Cadance’s shark-like grin told me all I needed to know about how willing they’d be to let me skip that part. Still, I knew I had to make the effort. “Can’t we just talk about this?” I asked, putting on what used to be my most winning grin.

To answer me, Cadance grabbed me with magic and pulled me up to her so she could unbutton my bra (when Rarity asked how I wanted it designed, I told her to put a button up front in the middle so they’d be easy to remove). “Am I gonna have to help you remove those, too?” she asked, looking down at my panties.

“Only if you make me beg,” I morosely replied, too depressed at the moment to even try to make it sound sexy.

“Is she always like this?” Cadance asked, turning to Celestia.

“Yes, though she does try to behave herself in public.”

“Says the person who molested me with her hair at a large party!”

“Hey, you both enjoyed it and deserved it!”

“Well, I don’t see you molesting me now.”

“And she’s not going to,” Cadance said, grabbing my legs so she could uncover my poor feet. “You know, your hands and feet are softer than what I was expecting from a soldier…”

“My tree stuff keeps calluses from forming.” And also Flo, but there’s no need to mention that. “Though I don’t know how you’d know about that, since you aren’t used to hands.”

“I don’t know what calluses are,” she said, her predatory eyes moving to my panties. “It’s just that Shining Armor feels so hard sometimes, but your hands are so soft.” She lifted me up with magic and used her hands to steal away the only garment I had left to protect my innocence.

“Is that really necessary?” I asked.

“Hey, we’re all girls here,” Cadance said, putting me back down. “So, where’s all the outfits?”

The expressions on my face and on Celestia’s face had an inverse relationship as she used magic to open her closet and pull out at least ten different outfits. Rarity, what the absolute fuck are you even doing?

“Where oh where should we begin?” Celestia asked, smiling at the look of profound horror upon my face.

“Ooh, let’s find one her little dragon special somepony would like!” Cadance happily said, hopping up to peruse them more easily.

“That won’t be necessary,” I said. “She left a week or two ago.”

“Oh. When’s she gonna get back?” Cadance asked.

“Probably never. I don’t know since I was almost dead and not around at the time.” When I said that ‘never’ part, it clicked with her. As soon as I finished speaking, Cadance was hugging me.

“I’m so sorry!” Cadance said, actually sounding remorseful for some reason.

“As nice as your body feels against mine, I have to say I’m not upset about it,” I said, patting her on the back to prevent my hands from going places they shouldn’t.

“There’s no need to put on a strong face for us, Navi,” Celestia slyly said. “And I bet I know just how to make you feel better. Cadance, how does a full makeover sound?”

“I think it sounds like something that would make any girl feel better after being dumped,” Cadance said as she pulled away from the hug. The frown from her faux pas was replaced once more by a scary grin.

“Oh, but isn’t it always better to give than to receive?” I quickly asked, trying to get away from it. “And wouldn’t that be such a nice gift to give our host?”

“That won’t be necessary,” Celestia breathed from behind me, right before she wrapped her long arms around my shoulders and pulled me back onto her lap. “The night is still young and there are so many outfits to try on… I think we have time to give you a new look to fit each of them!”

If Flo hadn’t been giggling at me, I would have assumed I just fell into a nightmare. As it was, the two of them spent three fucking hours dressing me up in every single outfit they had and painstakingly putting makeup on me to fit each one.

It was hell.

Finally, finally, they ran out of clothes for me to put on. The last one they had me put on was a lolita dress. Not the fake child porn kind of lolita, but the old-fashioned, black, Victorian-style lolita. To fit that, they used a lot of dark makeup in an attempt to make me look gothic or something. I can’t imagine it looked very good with my green hair.

When the two of them were finally done, they took a step back to admire me. “Black isn’t really my color, but I might have to commission a dress like that,” Cadance said as she circled around me to get a look at all sides. “For somber occasions only, of course.”

“I don’t know about that,” Celestia said, nodding and smiling at my suffering. “But it’s certainly nice to look at. Why don’t you do a little curtsy for us, Nav?”

Why don’t you suck my clit? “I think I’ll pass,” I coldly said, turning away. The dress swished annoyingly when I did that, making me grimace.

“Oh, you’re so adorable,” Cadance said, chuckling.

I closed my eyes and started counting to ten, just thinking about all the revenge I was going to get on Celestia when the Gala came. When I hit the magic number, my fists unclenched and I pulled the dress down so I could step out of it. “We’re done, right? Mark that off the list.” Of course, that left me in some very racy lingerie, but at least the dress was finally off.

“Yes, yes, we’re done with that,” Celestia said, using magic to collect the dress and hang it up properly. “Which moves us on to the next part of the night,” she said, sitting down and patting the floor next to her. Cadance happily joined her. I thought for a moment or two before joining her as well. That immediately taught me that sitting down with a thong on isn’t exactly the most comfortable thing in the world if you aren’t used to it, but at least I wasn’t in that dress anymore.

“So what’s next?” Cadance asked.

“Truth or dare,” Celestia said. “I believe the guest of honor should start. So, Nav?”

Finally, a chance of revenge at Cadance. “Truth or dare?” I asked the princess of love.

“Truth,” she merrily answered.

“Describe a typical sex session between you and Shining Armor,” I said, smirking.

Her face immediately turned bright red and her eyes went wide. She began stammering something or another, trying to avoid any real answer. After a few seconds of that, Celestia put a hand on her shoulder. “Come now, Cadance. We’re all girls here. Just tell us.”

Cadance took a very deep breath and looked away, thinking. After a few seconds, she said, “W-well… Since we’re both very busy with running a kingdom and taking care of a foal, we don’t really get to… do much very often. When we do…” She took another deep breath and slowly let it out. “When we do, I let him pick out the toy we use, then I strap it around my hips. He uses magic to lube it up, then I penetrate him and ride him like a mare until he begs me to stop. Then I sit on his face until he gets me off. When we finally go to bed, I get to be the big spoon and sometimes keep the toy in all night.”

Celestia had a very, very ‘what the fuck’ look on her face. I was just smirking like crazy until she finished, when I said, “Fucking hot. How long does he last?”

“You only get one question!” Cadance shot back. “And now it’s your turn! Nav, truth or dare?”

“Dare, of course,” I said.

“I dare you to take a date to the Gala!”

“Done. I’m already going with Celestia,” I said, my smirk only growing.

“Wait wait wait,” Celestia said, finally recovering. “You ride Shining Armor? Not the other way around?”

Cadance sighed and said, “Yes, auntie. A certain friend of ours suggested it.” That second part was said while glaring at me. “My husband had a few issues regarding sex, so Nav gave us some advice. Now please, can we stop talking about this?”

Celestia turned to me and asked, “If you suggested that, why wouldn’t you ever let me do that to you?”

“Because I don’t want nothing up my fucking hershey highway,” I answered with a shrug. “That’s a one way street, baby. So Celestia, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” she said. “But I’ll say right now that I won’t betray any state secrets.”

Shoot, there goes that plan. “Ugh, fine. Have you ever had sexual thoughts about your sister? Or has she told you about any thoughts about you?”

“Yes and yes,” she said. “While I’m not attracted to mares, there is a… comfort involved in having somepony around as long as she was. When you live so long with only one person as a constant, you come to… rely on them in some ways. And I suppose you know by now that we aren’t biologically related anyway, so it’s not like it would matter too much… Not that she knows that, though.”

Now, I wasn’t too shocked by that. Cadance, though… “You had sex with Luna?!”

“Dear me, no! But thoughts about it? On occasion, over the centuries. If you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

“I already do,” I said. “I’ve had sexual thoughts about both of you, after all.”

Celestia snorted and said, “Nav, truth or dare.”

“Truth.” As much as I wanted to say dare, I had a feeling she might try to use that to get me to do something I really didn’t want to do.

“Ooh, I actually get to make Nav tell the truth,” Celestia sultrily said. “Hm… Do you have your sights set on any mare—or stallion—now that your pretty dragoness left you?”

“Not really. A few that I definitely wouldn’t mind doing illicit things to, but relationships don’t belong on the road, and I have a feeling we’re still going to be gone for a while. Besides, I’m not going to stop looking for ways to fix my body, so I’d have to find someone willing to deal with that.”

“But when you finish your little quest?” Cadance asked.

“It’s not your turn,” I said. “So Cadance, truth or dare?”

“Tru—Ugh, dare.”

“Is Shiny here in Canterlot right now?” I asked.

“No. He’s taking care of the kingdom at the moment.”

Damn. Although… “Alright. I dare you to wear a vibrating plug at the Gala.”

“A… a what?” she asked.

“Oh dear,” Celestia chuckled, covering her face.

“A buttplug that vibrates,” I said. “I can take you to get one tomorrow.”

“That’s disgusting!”

“You picked dare,” Celestia said, patting her on the shoulder. “But just think: You can get one for Shining Armor, too!”

“Yeah. They even make them remote controlled, so you can turn it up whenever you want,” I said. “So if he starts talking to a pretty mare, you can just bump up the power and remind him who his ass belongs to.”

“...Are they discreet?” she quietly asked, a blush growing on her face.

“Oh, definitely,” Celestia said. “Why, if somepony was wearing one, you would never even notice…” Her little smile told me exactly what she was currently hiding. “Though if you turn it up on full power, the noise might be noticeable in a quiet room. But if you’re at the Gala and wearing a dress, no pony would notice.”

Cadance sighed, her wings and shoulders sagging. “Then I guess we’re going shopping tomorrow, Nav,” she said. Fuck yes. “Truth or dare, auntie?”

“Hm. Dare. But nothing sexual during the Gala. Nav and I already have… plans.”

“Ugh! Do I even want to know?”

“The reason I’m sitting in this room right now is because we made a deal,” I said. “I get to do sexual things to her, invisible, at the Gala. In return, I’d be a good little girl and have fun at her slumber party.”

“Really, auntie? Why would you agree to that?!”

Celestia rolled her eyes and answered, “The Gala is always boring. I look for ways to liven it up each year. This is how I’ll do it this year. So what’s your dare, Cadance?”

“Ugh… Fine. I dare you to go on a public date outside of the Gala.”

That got Celestia to actually flinch slightly. “Oh… Er… Nav, how long are you going to be here, again?”

“Few weeks, probably.”

“...Do you want to go on a date?”

Fuck it. “Sure. No promises it’ll lead to anything.”

“I understand. We can make plans later.”

“I absolutely refuse to go to the Loveboat,” I immediately said.

“Hey, Shining Armor took me there once!” Cadance said. “That place was fun!”

“Yeah, if you’re a teenager. I accidentally took a lesbian there a year or two ago. Worst mistake of that week.”

“...You accidentally dated a lesbian when you were a guy?” Cadance asked, actually surprised.

“We were looking for a place to eat and picked one at random, not realizing it was a place for couples. Before we could leave, one of our friends that happened to be there on a bad date forced us to join her. One thing led to another and before the week was done, I almost turned a lesbo bi.”

“...Weird.”

“Anyway, my turn,” Celestia said. “Nav, truth or dare?”

Time to live on the wild side, and fuck me for it. “Dare,” I said, already dreading what she’d say.

“I dare you to try anal,” she predictably said.

“God fucking dammit. Fine. Never let it be said I didn’t try everything at least once before I say never again.”

“I doubt that’ll happen,” Celestia sweetly said. “The first time is difficult, but it gets progressively better.”

“Shining Armor said the same thing,” Cadance confirmed, nodding. “He tried it on me a few times, but he… didn’t last long enough to make it feel good.”

“You two really need to work on that,” I sadly said, shaking my head. “Cadance, truth or dare?”

“Dare,” she said, then whispered, “Though I bet I’ll regret it…”

“Do you know what swinging is?” I asked.

“It’s when fillies and colts get on a swing set, duh.”

“Well, so much for that…”

“What’s your definition of swinging, then?” she asked.

“It’s when you swap sex partners,” I said. “Sometimes married couples do it to spice things up. But it’s probably not something you and Shiny should do, so instead, I dare you to show Shining Armor all those fanfictions you wrote about him as a teenager.”

Her eyes immediately went wide. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“You wrote things about Shining Armor?” Celestia asked.

“Sure did,” I said, nodding. “One involved a male vampire, a sexually loose male partner, and a bdsm club.”

“Twilight said she wouldn’t tell anypony! And I didn’t change it to Shiny until after she read them!”

“I have my ways,” I said with a smirk. “So make sure to show them to him.”

She sighed and looked away. “I guess I’ll have to dig them out of my old room here… Knew I should have burned them when we actually started dating…”

“So… what else did that story entail?” Celestia asked me.

“The vampire and the loose partner double-teaming poor Shining Armor, not that he minded too much. I don’t know much else, though.”

“It’s weird that you even know it at all!” Cadance growled. “I didn’t tell anypony!”

“Funny how that works out,” I said, leaning back.

“I believe we have time for one more round,” Celestia said, since it seemed obvious that Cadance was getting a little upset. “It’s late, after all, and I still have a kingdom to run. It’s your turn, Cadance.”

She sighed and said, “As much as I want some revenge for that, auntie, truth or dare?”

“I believe there have been enough strange dares passed around tonight,” she said. “So truth.”

“What was your first time like?” Cadance asked.

Celestia blinked a few times, her eyes going unfocused. “That was… a long time ago,” she quietly said. “It wasn’t romantic, it wasn’t fun, and it only happened because I wanted to do anything to feel better after a battle went very poorly. I don’t even remember the stallion’s name, but he didn’t enjoy it that much either. It… didn’t make us feel better.”

“How long ago was that?” I asked.

“It’s not your turn,” Celestia answered. “And I believe that’s the end of the game, since I’m rather tired. Besides, you should never ask a lady her age.”

“I already know you’re only around sixty-two hundred years old.”

“That’s more than I know, then,” she said. “Luna and I stopped keeping count some time ago. Now, let’s head to bed.”

“Aren’t you going to turn us back first?” Cadance asked.

“There will be plenty of time for that in the morning,” Celestia said, standing up. “I’m going to go freshen up, first.” She walked over to the bathroom, leaving me and Cadance alone again.

“You know she’s wearing a buttplug right now, right?” I said, standing.

“No way!”

“She always does,” I said as I began removing the sexy panties.

“That’s really, really weird. And more than I ever wanted to know.”

“Hey, maybe you’ll like it,” I said with a shrug. “We’ll certainly find out tomorrow, when we go get you one.”

“Ugh. Are you really so shameless?”

“She asks as I strip down in front of her. You should know, since you lived with me for nearly a year. And that was before Spike and I had to pretend to be married.”

“Wait, what?”

“Down in South America, the two of us got captured by some monkeys that turned me into a queen. To avoid getting married to any of them, Spike and I pretended to be a couple. That involved us doing… many things together.” She smirked and started giggling again. “Hey, laugh all you want. That helped him get his wings, so I don’t mind it so much.”

“Spike has wings now?”

“Sure does. Got them saving me from giant spiders. He actually burst into flames when they came out.”

“That’s really cool… And possibly romantic.”

“Nothing romantic about it,” I said, shaking my head. “Those things were going to rape and torture me. If he didn’t save me, I probably would have found a way to kill myself.”

Before she could respond to that, Celestia extricated herself from the bathroom. “I’m ready for bed,” she said, walking over to said bed. All of its pillows were back in place, at that point, so she just fell onto it.

“And I suppose I should also go freshen up before going to bed,” Cadance sighed, standing.

“Have fun with that,” I told her, hopping up and walking over to the bed. Cadance snorted when I fell on the bed as well and cuddled up next to Celestia, making sure I pressed myself against her boobs. “You’re the best, Princess Breastia,” I happily sighed.

“Do I need to leave you three alone?” Celestia sweetly asked.

“I wouldn’t say no, but I think that can wait.”

“Until after our date?” she asked, one of her hands going to a place I considered inappropriate but not unwelcome.

“Isn’t it uncouth to put out after the first date?” I whispered, running one of my hands down her wing.

“No pony ever said I wasn’t naughty,” Celestia answered, leaning in and kissing me goodnight.

Before we could continue our illicit actions, Cadance joined us in bed, putting me in the middle. Since Celestia and I were currently facing each other, Cadance became my big spoon, pressing her breasticles into my back and pushing her body fully against mine. Celestia’s horn lit up and the light turned off, then the soft, satiny blanket pulled over the three of us.

“Good night, auntie,” Cadance yawned. “And ‘night, Navi.”

Fucking blue beaned. God dammit. Flo, think their dreams will still be in the dream world?

“Don’t even think about it,” Flo said.

Before I could promise to not think about it, Celestia’s horn lit up again and the pall of sleep fell over me yet again. Of course, I appeared in Flo’s glade. As soon as I did, I broke out of that and into the dream realm, looking around for a few specific dreams. When I saw Celestia’s and Cadance’s dreams, a wicked smile came to my lips.

“Welcome to wet dream central,” I whispered, flying toward Cadance’s dream.

Needless to say, I ended up getting even more revenge on both of them for making me dress up like that, though Flo most definitely did not approve.

When the sleep spell wore off the next day and I was allowed to wake up, Celestia was already gone, leaving me alone in bed with a furry and horsey Cadance. I waited for a minute or two to see if Celestia was still around and just in the bathroom or something, but the complete silence seemed to say otherwise.

When I tried to get up, I realized that Cadance was definitely holding onto me and seemed rather unwilling to let go. I tried pulling away again, but she pulled back and pressed her hips forward, then whispered, “Five more minutes and we can go again, honey.”

I smirked and pressed my ass back against her. “Why not now?” I asked.

Her eyes shot open and she pushed me across the bed. “N-Nav?”

I turned over and ran a finger down the bed, smiling prettily. “The same. So you wanna go again?” I sweetly asked.

“Ugh. I need a shower…”

“So do I. Meet me back here in half an hour and we can go shopping.”

“How about an hour, so I can eat first?”

“Oh, you don’t want to make a day out of it? Too cool to hang out with the human, now? I see how it is.” I sighed and rolled away from her and then off the bed, letting my wings sag as I walked to the bathroom.

“Oh, fine. If you’re going to be like that, we can hang out all day.”

I instantly perked up and turned back around. “Nah, I was just fucking with you. I got stuff I need to do today. I’ll meet you in the main dining hall in half an hour.”

“Why do you have to be so difficult?” she asked, shaking her head.

“Because it’s fun. See you soon!” I giggled and let myself into the bathroom, swiftly closing the door behind me.

An hour or so later, the two of us were walking the streets, heading to The Crop. Cadance vehemently denied knowing anything about the store, though I was pretty sure she was lying. After all, the toys she used on Shiny had to come from somewhere.

Going to that place is always definitely an experience, and since I don’t want anyone that might possibly be reading this to know what I got to torture Celestia with, I won’t record the experience in this instance.

Not that there are any such people, right? (Spike, if you’re reading this, I’m standing behind you with a knife.)

So another half hour later, we were walking somewhat aimlessly around the streets of Canterlot. I was walking perfectly normally, but Cadance’s back legs didn’t seem to want to bend correctly. “It feels so weird!” she whispered to me when we were a few blocks away.

“That’s why you’re practicing now,” I said, patting her gently on the back. “You don’t want to be walking like that at the Gala.”

“...Walking like what?” she quietly asked, stopping.

“Like you’re trying to attract every stallion on the street,” I said. Her ears immediately shot down, a small blush coming to her face. “...Let’s try flying,” I said, spreading my wings. The two of us flew up. Since I could see my ship nearby, I started flying to it. “This shouldn’t be as bad,” I said.

“I can feel it pulsing around back there!” she hissed. “Every flap jostles it!”

“This is what you get for playing truth or dare,” I sweetly said.

“I knew I should have dared you to do something weird like this… Where are we even going?”

“My ship. I’m going to drop these bags off and start on my errands for the day.”

She snorted and said, “I don’t suppose you’d mind if I came?”

“Wow, already? You’re just as fast as Shiny!”

“Ugh! What is wrong with you!?”

“I’m perverted. Why do you want to come with me?”

She rolled her eyes and said, “It’s not like I have anything else to do. And I want to get used to this… this thing in me away from too many ponies.”

“I should tell you that I’m going into the Everfree, then. I probably won’t stay long, though.”

“I know how you are in that place. I’ll be fine.”

“Alright, whatever. I’m definitely not planning on spending too long there anyway.” At that time, I hit the deck, finding it almost completely empty of anyone.

Almost isn’t entirely, though. “You talk to the princess for me?” Kat asked.

“...Fuck. I knew I forgot something.” Thanks, Flobama. She popped me a good one for that, but I didn’t make any reaction. “Let me drop these bags off and talk to Spike, and we can go talk to her,” I said.

“What do you need to ask her?” Cadance asked.

“If she can send out a memo about our giant spider guest,” I said.

Cadance’s ears shot down again. “G-giant spider? You actually have one? Here?” That last word was barely a squeak. Just as she asked that, I saw something moving above her. I looked up there and saw Spider using a thread to lower himself to the deck right in front of Cadance. As soon as she noticed him coming down, she squealed and jumped behind me. Of course, Spider was also spooked and jumped to hide behind Kat.

“See, those are the kinds of reactions I figured he’d get,” I said, crossing my arms.

“Well, we need to get him off the ship anyway,” Kat said. “According to the captain, we all need to clear off soon so he can get some ponies here to repair the ship. We’ll need rooms somewhere else for a few days.”

“Fuck. What’s everyone else gonna do?”

“All the bat ponies already left,” she said. “Zecora went with Watcher. I think Jak went with his assistant. Gilda flew off to Ponyville. It’s just me, Taya, Spider, Doppel, Spike, and some of the crew left. I have plenty of bits after Watcher paid me, but getting a room for Spider might be… problematic.”

“If push comes to shove, there should be room in my house. I can stay at the palace and set you two up there.”

“He’s… not dangerous, is he?” Cadance finally asked, standing up on her hind legs to peek over my shoulder.

“He’s just a kid,” I said. “And he’s almost definitely more afraid of you than you are of him.” At that point, he was also peeking over Kat’s shoulder at Cadance. “Now, he is dangerous, but then, so are you and I. He’s not about to hurt anyone.”

“Oh…” She cautiously stepped out from behind me. “Do you want me to go talk to Celestia, then? You can talk to Spike and I can tell her about your problem, then get back here quickly.”

“Sure,” I said with a shrug. “Tell her that he’s shown no sign of being like the others.”

“Alright. Though why can’t you just let them stay at your house?”

“Because I let some friends live there until they can afford a place that’s large enough for them and their kids.”

“That was… really nice of you,” she said, actually sounding slightly surprised. “Well, I should go speak to auntie again, I suppose… I’ll see you soon.” She spread her wings and jumped up again, awkwardly flying away.

“She seemed… jumpy,” Kat said.

“She’s trying out a new toy, if you know what I mean,” I replied. “I’m going below.”

“Are all ponies really that horny?” she muttered as I walked away.

When I got below, I bumped into a tired Doppel. “Oh, hey master,” she yawned. “When did you get back?”

“A few minutes ago. I’ll be leaving again soon, though.”

“Oh, then I have a message for you. Watcher said to make sure to talk to Spike about going to Reginald’s cave.”

“I was just about to do that,” I said. “How would you like to live in the royal palace for a few days?”

“That place is alright, I guess. It’ll probably be more fun this time, though. The last time, you wouldn’t let me do anything.”

“You’ll have more freedom this time. Go pack whatever you want. Even if you don’t end up at the palace, apparently we all need to vacate the ship, so I’ll have you all move to either a hotel in Canterlot, the palace, or maybe our old house.”

“Works for me,” she said. “If you want to talk to Spike, he’s still asleep.”

“Not for long,” I said. “See you later, Doppel.”

“Of course, master,” she said, slowly walking back to her own room while I went to mine.

Taya was still lazing about on my bed, also sleeping. I decided to let her stay there for now and dropped the bag full of toys off while I went down to Spike’s room. When I let myself in, I saw that he was definitely still asleep and his lower half was out of the blanket, giving me a sight I didn’t want.

I carefully tossed the blanket over him before shaking him. He grunted and grabbed my arm. All I had time to do was look surprised before he yanked me down on top of him, gently petting my hair. “I am not a teddy bear,” I hissed, pushing myself right back off of him and flipping his mattress.

That woke him up. “What?” he asked, jerking upright and sleepily looking around. When he saw me, he blinked. “Oh, you’re back.”

“Yeah. Take a quick shower and eat. We’re going on a field trip.”

“Where?”

“To talk to Reginald. If possible, you’re going to be staying with him for a few days.” More like a few weeks.

“What? Why?”

“We gotta clear the ship and I figure he can use that time to fill you in about more dragon stuff. It’ll be good for you. So take a quick shower and eat.”

“Where are you gonna be staying?”

“Probably the palace. Perks of being the princess’s booty call.”

“...So while you get to live in luxury, I have to live in the middle of the Everfree in a cave?”

“Spike, I’m a defenseless woman. If I went to live out there, I’d be raped and eaten instantly.” He snorted and rolled his eyes. “Then stop treating me like one. Yes, I get to stay in the palace. Celestia doesn’t have a lot of meat and a ton of gems to feed you, so you need to live somewhere that does. Thus, you’ll be staying with Reginald, if he doesn’t mind. So again, take a shower and then eat. Meet me on deck when you’re done.” At that point, I left, though I think he still wanted to continue the conversation.

With Spike awake and getting ready, I walked back to my room where Taya hadn’t stirred. I gently shook her awake, hoping she wouldn’t have the same reaction Spike had. Thankfully, she didn’t, and woke up rather easily. “Daddy?” she asked, following my arm up.

“Yep. Sorry I didn’t get back last night,” I said. “I definitely wasn’t expecting what happened.”

“What did happen?” she quietly asked, sitting up.

“A sleepover,” I sighed. “It was awful.”

“Oh. Did anyone tell you that we have to get off the ship?”

“Yeah. I sent someone to talk to Celestia. We’ll probably stay at the palace, unless all the rooms are full. So pack whatever you think you might need, because I don’t think we’ll be back on the ship until it’s fully repaired. We’ll probably be leaving when I get back from meeting with a friend.”

“Can I go?” she asked.

“Did you suddenly sprout wings?” I asked.

“...No.”

“Then I’m afraid not. It’ll give you time to take a shower, eat, and make sure you’re fully packed, at least.” I started grabbing the dragon armor Spike made and stuffing it into the weird cloak thing.

“Why are you packing that stuff?” she asked.

“I’m going to ask that old friend to look it over, see if he feels anything weird coming from it. He’s one of the few people I know that’s qualified to do that. He’ll also be able to tell me if it’s a good or bad idea to wear it.”

“...Just who is this friend?”

“Reginald the dragon.” It didn’t take me long to pack the armor, and thankfully it wasn’t overly heavy.

“If you don’t trust it, why did you wear it before?” she asked.

“Because sometimes you have to do stupid things for friends,” I said. “Spike did a lot to get me this armor, so I had to at least try it on once for him. But I haven’t worn it while fighting yet and I won’t until I ask this guy about it.”

“Are you gonna bring him the other things you found?”

“Nah. He’s a dragon, not a mage. I’m heading topside. Make sure to take a shower and eat before packing.”

“Ugh. Why do I always have to take a shower when I wake up?”

“Well, you can take one before you go to bed, if you prefer. They just always helped me wake up, so I waited until morning. But you’re going to be taking at least one shower a day, while we have the water for it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

“Yep, sure is.” I grabbed my sword, my rifle, and a few magazines. “See you when I get back, dear.”

“Okay, daddy,” she answered as she hopped down and I walked out.

A little less than half an hour later, Cadance was back on the ship, swaying her hips slightly. “Are you sure this thing’s always… supposed to be on?” she asked, panting slightly.

“Enjoying it a little too much?” I asked with a smirk. Kat and Spider were on the other side of the deck at the moment, so they weren’t hearing anything they shouldn’t.

“Yes.”

“Then turn it down a little. Edging yourself can be a lot of fun, especially when you know it’ll be a while before you can actually cum. If you keep yourself frustrated and on edge until you get home to Shiny, the first orgasm you have will be mindblowing.”

“...Edging myself?” she exasperatedly asked.

“It’s when you get right on the edge of an orgasm but then stop what you’re doing so you don’t actually cum. Since you have that thing in anyway, you might as well try it.”

She pursed her lips and her horn lit up. A second later, she visibly relaxed. “You’re a horrible, horrible influence on me.”

“Sure am. What did Celestia say?”

“You’re all welcome in the palace, though she said you would have to pay rent.”

“Did she say how much?”

“Just that you would be walking funny, whatever that meant. So are we going to the Everfree now or what?”

“I need to tell Kat and then we have to wait for Spike. He should be up soon.”

So I went to tell Kat the good news and that she needed to pack some stuff. She responded as I figured she would and took Spider back down. A minute after she left, Spike came up, carrying a rucksack, the crossbow, and a quiver of bolts. “Ready to go?” I asked him.

“I guess. Hey Cadance. What are you doing here?”

“I’m here for the Gala,” she said. “And I didn’t have anything else to do, so Nav said we could hang out and have a girl’s day out!”

“Hey, why does she get to say that?” he asked.

“She doesn’t,” I answered, swatting her behind. She jumped a lot more than she should have, probably because of the toy, and glared at me. I just smiled sweetly and asked, “Shall we?”

Spike spread his wings, making Cadance smile. “Cool, huh?” he said. “I actually got them saving Nav!”

“He told me,” Cadance said. “I thought it sounded rather romantic, myself.” A large blush quickly covered Spike’s face.

“N-no! It was just… helping her. Him! Helping him!”

“Ugh. Let’s go,” I said, walking over to the side and jumping off. I knew they’d join me eventually, so I just started flying toward the forest at my normal speed. Sure enough, both of them joined me in the air a few moments later. “Hey Spike, make sure to stop by Ponyville to show off your wings before we leave,” I said. “I’m sure everyone there will love to see them.”

“Think they’ll recognize me?”

“You haven’t gotten that big yet.”

We continued the pointless small talk all the way up to Reginald’s cave, where we landed an appreciable distance away. “I think I’ve met this dragon before,” Cadance said when we were down.

“He was at the Gala when I got stabbed,” I said.

“Oh, yes. Auntie Celestia asked me to introduce myself. He didn’t seem that interested until I mentioned you.”

“Weird. I need to talk to him alone for a few minutes, though,” I said. “It shouldn’t take too long. Wait out here.”

“Sure it’s safe?” Spike asked.

I looked at the scorched skeleton of some Everfree predator and said, “Yeah, you’ll be fine. See you in a few.” He shrugged and pulled his crossbow up as I started walking toward the cave. I heard the two of them start talking behind me, but I didn’t really care to listen.

It didn’t take me long to get into his cave. Once again, as soon as he realized I was there, his head snaked out. “I smell a new visitor,” he rumbled. “Is it a thief?”

“I know it hasn’t been that long,” I said.

“New smell, new voice… yet familiar body,” he said, his head moving in close. “Could that be… Navarone?”

“It is. How do I smell?”

“Sweet. Smells and voices do not just change. Are my eyes deceiving me, or is it my ears and nose?” To punctuate that, he shot his tongue out at me and stopped it mere inches from me, then schlicked it back in. “My taste, too, is off. What manner of sorcery is this?”

“It’s a curse from your old friend Discord,” I answered. “He turned me into a female.”

“Now that is something that chaotic soul would do,” he said, pulling away. “Speak, friend, and tell me my original name.”

“Friend, if that’s what you mean. Then you learned it was Reginald when you spoke to Luna.”

“Navarone, indeed. So you have confirmed that Discord is free?”

“Yeah. Celestia finally realized it after he stole the artifacts that locked him away. I’ve been away from Equestria, trying to find them and other things.”

“Excellent! Now that the threat is known, I shall rejoin Luna and we can hunt that madman down!”

“That… might be a problem,” I said, scratching at my neck. “Luna’s kinda… in prison.”

Reggie blinked and very slowly moved his head down to mine. “What. Did. She. Do?” he rumbled.

“You really, really don’t want to know.”

“I will either learn from you or I will learn from Celestia, and I would rather hear it from the lips of a friend, Navarone. Did she side with Discord?”

“No. And I say ‘prison’ lightly, because I don’t actually know where she is. But I was told she was in a place where she belonged. As to her crimes… Come on, man. Please don’t make me tell you.”

He lifted his wings and said, “Should you stay silent, I will fly to Canterlot immediately.”

I sighed and said, “Can we talk a little more comfortably, then? This isn’t exactly a fun topic and I don’t want to crane my neck.”

One of his hands carefully wrapped around me and he started lifting me, then stopped. “Your body feels… different,” he said, opening his claw and looking down on me.

I cupped my boobs and said, “Female. We’re shaped differently.”

“Ah, I see.” He continued lifting me up to the tall spire he used to talk to guests. “So tell me, Navarone. What did Luna do?”

“Promise you won’t get mad.”

He blinked a few times. “Why… would I get mad?”

“She… mistreated me.”

“Mistreating is a very wide statement. What actions could she have committed against a friend that would put her in prison?”

“...Do you know what rape is?”

It took him a few very long seconds to reply in a voice that I was not comfortable with. “I do.”

“Luna kinda… raped me.” He immediately started growling. “A few times.” Smoke started coming from his nose. “And tried to kill me a few times.” Both of his claws clenched, cutting through the stone. “And I don’t suppose you happen to know what love poison is?” The spikes he had on his neck started sticking straight up. “Oh, and she used her power of dreams to make all the ponies dream about fucking me.”

Things got very silent in that cave for about half a minute before he roared, “SHE WHAT?!” The force of that shout was almost enough to knock me off the fucking spire. For one brief moment, I very seriously thought he was going to kill me. “Where is she?” he hissed, his vestigial eyelids blinking and his pupils retracting.

I immediately jumped off the spire and flew over to his face, wrapping my arms around his snout. “Reggie, calm down,” I said, hoping a hug would have some kind of effect on him.

“I demand the truth of the matter,” he said, shaking his head once. “I trust you and I trust Luna. You would not lie, but she would not do such things!”

“Hey, I understand that you’re mad, but you can't do anything like this! You’ll kill somebody!”

“‘Twould merely be justice!”

“Murder is vengeance, not justice.”

“And you? You do not desire to rend her flesh and snap her bones? You, who is the purported victim of these crimes?”

“I can’t lie: I’m a predator. I want her punished for what she did. But violence isn’t the way to harm a princess, Reginald. Reputation is key. And her reputation was destroyed when she publicly confessed. That was enough for me.”

“Then why is she in prison?”

“Because she broke the law. Whether or not her actions were enough for me, they weren’t enough for the law. She is being punished, Reggie. There’s no need to hurt her.”

“I would still very, very much like to… have a discussion with her. A long and pointed discussion. Do you happen to know the penalty for such crimes in the dragon horde?”

“I uh… I heard the penalty for rape was… getting raped to death.”

“You heard correctly. And the penalty for murder?”

“...Um. Getting… murdered to death?”

“Close enough. There was talk of inducting her to the dragon horde in times long past. Her sister would not hear of it, but I remember such times well. Who knows where Luna is?”

“...I’ll tell you, but you have to do me a favor first.”

His eyes narrowed and he carefully grabbed me with one of his hands, yanking me away from his face and setting me back on the spire. Once I was away from him, I was able to get a better look and see that he had mostly calmed down. Or at least, it looked like he calmed down.

“Please do not sit on my face again,” he said. “Your smell is… enticing. Things might end poorly for you if you do so again.”

“Um. Noted.”

“Tell me this favor, Navarone. I very much wish to have a discussion with that mare.”

“You remember Spike?”

“I do. His scent is mixed with yours, in fact.”

“Yeah, he’s waiting outside. Lately, he’s been kind of a dick. We’re going to be in Equestria for a few weeks, and I wanted him to stay with you while we’re here. If there’s anything you can teach him about discipline or how to hold back the monster inside him, I would be very grateful.”

“That is… usually something each dragon must learn on his own.”

“But most dragons live with other dragons for some of their lives. Spike hasn’t. He’s almost as tall as I am now, he’s definitely stronger than I am, and he has wings now. I’m not asking you to do any miracles. I’m just asking you to help him if you can.”

“...Very well. I feel some responsibility for his fate, anyway. Come back to me when you are prepared to leave. I shall… attempt to help him in the interim.”

“Awesome. Oh, and one more thing, if you don’t mind.” I spread my wings and flew down to the cloak I dropped when he picked me up the first time, then opened it. “What do you think of this?” I asked, holding up the breastplate.

“It looks like dragon scales,” he said, reaching a claw out to it.

“Your eyes are working well,” I said. “We ran into an undead dragon in Antarctica. Spike got some of its entropic aging breath, turned into a giant, and then wrecked that dragon’s shit. My crew looted some scales and started making armor from it. I wanted to know if it was safe.”

He lowered his claw and stared at me. “That story is… strange. First, an undead dragon?”

“Yeah. There were a ton of undead down there, all surrounding an ancient and horrifyingly haunted bunker that almost killed me. The dragon was probably the most powerful thing my crew encountered. I was trapped in the bunker, so I didn’t see it myself.”

“That is… discomforting. Did you track down the necromancer?”

“No. We left, since I was almost dead when my crew finally saved me and we were only down there to protect some civilians. Celestia said she was sending someone to take care of it, though.”

“Good, though it sounds like a story I would be happy to hear later. You said Spike gave you this armor?”

“Yeah. He didn’t even think about it being cursed or anything.”

“...Do you remember what I said about dragon scales?”

“They’re really good armor?”

“A dragon giving scales to another is one of the greatest signs of love a dragon can give.”

“I’m sure Spike wasn’t thinking about that when he did this.”

“Are you, now? Your new form is fair and your scent is enticing. Could it not be that he is falling for you?”

“No, it couldn’t be. And if it is, I trust that’ll be something you teach him to forget while he’s staying with you.”

“Yes, that would be wise. As to the armor, I have no idea. Despite popular belief, dragons are not magically sensitive. In fact, we are magically resistant. If you wear that armor, expect some degree of protection from magic.”

“What about lightning?”

“Stay away from lightning, though I don’t know why you’d even ask. That… is not good for us. At all. But that’s a dark story for another time. As far as I know, that armor is safe, though I’d be somewhat wary of using it around other dragons. Some would not wait to hear the story of how you obtained it and would be rather displeased that you had it at all.”

“I will keep that in mind,” I said, stuffing the armor back in the cloak and tying it up. “So let’s go talk to Spike, shall we?”

“Very well,” he said, reaching down and grabbing me for whatever reason. With me in hand, he started walking out.

“You know I can walk, right?” I asked.

“I’m well aware. But you’re also smaller and thus slower than I am.” That was a good point, so I didn’t refute it. Since he set me down when we got outside anyway, I figured it didn’t matter. “And you brought more company than just a dragon,” he said.

“Hello again, Master Reginald,” Cadance said, bending her neck slightly.

“Hello, anomaly,” he replied. “And greetings, Spike. You are going to be spending some time with me.”

“I guess,” he answered with a shrug. When he said that, he seemed to shrink slightly, clinging more tightly to the crossbow.

“Hm. I will see you in some time, Navarone,” Reginald said. “The day is young yet, and I believe Spike and I need to have a talk.”

“Alright. See you later, Spike.” Cadance trotted over to me, her horn lighting up.

When she got to me, Spike said, “Nav, can we—” Before he finished whatever he was going to say, Cadance’s horn lit up much brighter and the two of us teleported back to the ship.

When we hit the deck, I loudly popped my neck and shook my wings. “Warn a guy before you do that,” I said. “Long distance teleportation is always weird.”

“Sorry. I just really wanted to get back so I could… adjust this thing.”

“Still bothering you?”

“The flight over there was not fun at all.”

“Then follow the lady’s instructions for it. Go downstairs to the bathroom, gently pull it out, clean it and use the bathroom, relube it, and pop it back in.”

She shuddered and nodded. “That’s a good idea. Where’s the bathroom?”

“I’ll show you,” I said, walking over to the stairs.

When I got to them, though, the captain was walking out. “Ah, Nav, there you are.”

“Yep, it’s me. I’m working on getting everyone off the ship. I should have it clear of all my people within the hour.”

“Excellent. I decided to do a full checkup, since we’re going to be here for a little while. Where will you be, if I need to contact you?”

“We’ll be staying in the palace. Let me know when the ship’s done.”

“Will do, sir.” Then he finally looked behind me and his eyes widened. “Princess!”

“Please, relax,” she said. “I’m here as a short guest, not as a princess.”

“Well, you’re certainly welcome,” he said, bowing.

“And no bowing, please,” she sighed.

“Of course, of course,” he said, his ears flinching. “I’m just… gonna head up.” He finally walked past me and made sure to skirt around Cadance before heading up to the wheel. By that point, though, we were already heading into the bowels of the ship, to Kumani’s old room.

“Here you are,” I said, opening the door to the large bathroom down in the cargo hold. “I’ll be heading up to deck when I got everyone packed and ready. I’ll probably need some help to get everyone to the palace, if you don’t mind.”

“I can do that,” she said, walking past me and into the bathroom. “I’ll be up momentarily.” With that, she pulled the door shut and I walked up to my room. Taya was, of course, sitting on my bed with a bag next to her and a book under her nose.

“Why are you always in here?” I asked. “I mean, it’s not a problem, but you do have your own room.”

“It smells like you,” she answered without looking up.

“Creepy.” I pulled open the bag I took to the castle yesterday and pulled out the dirty clothes, then started pushing some clean clothes in there. I didn’t know how long we’d be in the palace, so I made sure to pack plenty. When the bag was mostly full, I opened my chest and put the laptop, its charger, and the magic key in there. All that done, I figured I was as ready as I could be, so I grabbed that bag, the bag of armor, and the bag of illicit toys and stood. “Ready?” I asked.

“Yep.” She floated the book she was reading to her bag and pulled it closed, then hopped down. “So how are we gonna get to the palace?”

“Either fly or teleport, depending on Cadance,” I said, walking out and then heading up to the top.

“Why her?” Taya asked.

“Because she’s here with me,” I said. “Somewhere around here, at least.” She wasn’t on deck yet, that was for sure. I figured it would take her a few minutes, anyway. “I’m gonna go find Kat and Doppel, then. Wait up here.” I set my bags down and walked back into the ship. Doppel and Kat were in their respective rooms, and I quickly had them both heading to the deck, since they were ready to go.

By the time we were all in place, Cadance came back up, seeming to walk slightly easier. “Are we all set?” she asked.

“Yep,” I said.

“Good, good. Could you take Doppel and fly there yourself?” she asked. “Teleporting more ponies is hard, so I’d prefer to do it with fewer of them.”

“Sure, if you can take my bags,” I said.

“Those are easy. Just leave them.” I nodded and left them, then stepped away from the group with Doppel. “You’ll be in your normal room,” Cadance said. “The others will be around you, so it shouldn’t take you long to find us.”

“It won’t,” I said. “See you all soon.” Taya waved as Cadance’s horn lit up and they teleported away. Gourd’s head poked down from the wheelhouse at the sudden popping noise. “We’re heading down now,” I said. “As soon as Doppel and I take off, you’re clear.”

“Then I’ll see you when the ship’s done, Nav,” he said with a nod. “Have fun at the palace.”

“Right. Fun. See you, Gourd.” With that, the two of us took off, heading toward the palace.

It wasn’t an overly long flight, and I knew exactly where the room was, so we were able to go in through the window, all ninja-like. Cadance was waiting in there with Taya, trying to engage the poor filly in some kind of discussion.

“So which room is mine?” Doppel asked.

“You’re next door, where you and Chrysalis stayed,” Cadance said. “Nav’s in here, Taya’s on the other side, and Kat and Spider are sharing a room on the other side of Doppel.”

“Awesome. Thanks for the help, Cadance,” I said.

“No problem. If you need anything else, find a maid or ask Celestia. I would stay, but I ran into Twilight when I was here earlier and told her we could spend some time together when I got back to the palace. Though you’re welcome to come too, Nav.”

“Nah, I won’t interrupt your time together. I know she likes monopolizing you as much as possible.”

“Yeah, she does…” Cadance sighed. “Well, I’m sure I’ll see you before the Gala in a few days, anyway. Oh, and be sure to wear a pretty dress for it!”

“...I’ll think about it,” I lied. “See you later, lovebutt.” She waved and then lazily teleported out. “Well alright then,” I said, stretching. “Doppel, you’re free, but don’t make trouble.”

“Of course, master,” she said with her airy little giggle that just implied she was ready to ruin as many marriages as possible. I knew she was just faking it, though, so I didn’t press her. “Though you do sound rather stressed…”

“Just a little blue beaned,” I told her. She winced slightly in sympathy.

“What does that mean?” Taya asked.

“You’ll understand when you’re older,” I said, tousling her hair.

“Or you could tell me so I’ll understand now,” she said, using a hoof to fix her hair.

“It means I spent a lot of time being really horny with no relief,” I said. “But that’ll change soonish.”

“...Oh. Why’s it gonna change?”

“You’ll understand when you’re older,” I said, tousling her hair again. She bore it with a petulant silence that time, dying a little inside. “I’m gonna go see if Kat wants a tour around the city.”

“Can I come?” Doppel asked. “I’ve been to Canterlot a lot, but I never really learned my way around.”

“Sure, though expect to get stared at a lot more than usual if we do go. With me, Kat, Spider, and you, we’ll be Canterlot’s own little freak show.”

“...Maybe I should go on my own, then,” Doppel said. “In disguise.”

“Yeah, maybe. I’ll be right back.” I walked out of that room and then down to Kat’s.

She opened it on the first knock. “Yeah?”

“You want to go on a tour?” I asked.

She shook her head. “I do, but your princess doesn’t want Spider leaving this room until tomorrow. She’s sending word out today about us and asked us to stay out of sight until everyone had a chance to hear.”

“Oh. That’s actually a pretty good idea. Canterlot is… not a very welcoming place to outsiders at times. Especially ones that go outside of their accepted attractiveness levels.”

“I see. Well, it would still be nice to see the city later. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Maybe. And the party of the year is coming up in a few days, too. Celestia might give you invites. Or she might not. Anyway, if you want anything, let me know.”

“Celestia already sent a maid by with that note and instructions to help us however we needed.”

“Oh. Well, if you want any company or anything, let me know. If not, I suppose I can go crash in my room and recover from last night’s ordeal.”

“It sounds like you need the rest, then,” she said with a shrug. “I will see you later, Nav.”

“Alrighty, then. Have fun with Spider’s hot white wads.”

She rolled her eyes and walked back into her room, gently swinging the door closed. I just chuckled and walked back to my own room. When I got there, I found that Doppel had already left. Taya, unsurprisingly enough, hadn’t. “So now what?” she asked.

“Now, we chill,” I said, reaching down to my bag and pulling out the laptop. She joined me on my bed moments later and the two of us merrily chilled.

For the first twenty-four or so hours of homecoming, it wasn’t that much of a bitch. I knew that was only a sign that the things to come would be worse, though.