It was another beautiful day in Ponyville and... Alright, that was absolute bullshit. The truth is that the weather was sucking completely. Some A-hole had decided to deliver not 80 clouds of the scheduled rain that was suppose to come, but rather 80 clouds of frozen rain, i.e. hail.

Because of this, and because of the fact that Ponyville had been in desperate need of rain for the past few weeks thanks to the delivery team from Cloudsdale being slow, the local weather team had no choice to but to use the frozen rain, not being able to wait for it thaw or wait for the correct delivery to come. I mean, what better weather for the middle of June than hail? Now, with hail ranging from the size of small specs to the size golf balls raining down and doing all sorts of destruction to the town, the local populace were to stay indoors for safety, including our protagonists of this story.

Oh, you thought that I was Fiery? Or perhaps one of the other ponies? You thought that this was going to be a first-person chapter because it’s a bonus chapter? Well, you’re wrong. It’s the one and only author, because maybe I want to talk sometimes! I have feelings as well, damnit! But enough about that, as our main ponies are right now sitting in their home at their dining room table, quietly enjoying their breakfast as they all hoped that the hail wouldn’t do any damage to their precious house.

Yes, that’s correct, all of them. For once, the rare and endangered species of Vinyl Scratch had come out of her den from the upstairs to join the other two ponies for their morning ritual. She takes a break from eating the grapefruit that sits in a bowl in front of her and looks up at the ceiling, obviously trying to figure out if the words mocking her are real or not... That’s right, words. This a text-based story, not an audio recording. Meanwhile, the other two ponies were either intentionally ignoring me or simply couldn’t ‘see’ me... feel me... touch me... feel me... and yet almost no one will probably get that reference.

“Xenophilia.” Fiery suddenly blurted out, garnering the attention of the other two ponies at the table, along with the author. Apparently we’re getting into some kinky alien sex today! Or at least explaining the definition for the sexual fetish of being attracted to ‘alien’ lifeforms.

“Pardon?” Octavia asked as she too looked up from her breakfast at the brown stallion across from her, with Vinyl soon following-

“What’s this about kinky alien sex?” Vinyl asked, with the brown stallion and grey mare looking at her with absolute confusion right after she blurted that out. “What? He said ‘xenophilia’ so that’s what I answered with. Don’t judge me for knowing its definition.” She lied. Yeah, she can totally see me.

“Um... nothing I suppose? But that wasn’t really what I meant.” Fiery replied, trying to get rid of the awkward mood in the room. He placed the paper he had been reading down onto the table, pointing at the headline of the page he had been reading.

“New trend of fictional works hits Equestria by storm.”

After reading the headline upside down, Octavia looked up at the stallion, still curious what this had to do with something as strange as ‘xenophilia’. “And?”

“What?”

“What does this have to do with what you just said?” She asked more clearly.

“It’s the name of one of the books listed here.” Fiery replied as he pointed to the page again. Indeed, there was a long list of titles on the page about the fictional works.

“And you just happened to pick that one for no apparent reason?”

Once Fiery figured out why she was asking about the title, he began to blush a bit, obviously embarrassed about it. “Oh, uh... I should’ve picked something else?”

Octavia rolled her eyes, going back to her breakfast as Vinyl tried to continue reading the article upside down, but gave up soon enough and flat out asked. “So what’s this about a new trend?”

“Humans in Equestria.” He said.

Octavia, having heard this, immediately stopped eating and looked back up at the stallion with concerned eyes. “You don’t suppose-” She was quickly answered with a shake of his head.

“No, I don’t think reading these would get me anywhere. From the sound of these stories, it just sounds like some ponies, or perhaps even people, making up stories as they live their lives here. Either that, or if they’re bronies like I think they are, are making up stories on what they wanted to happen when they got here only to find out life isn’t fair. In fact, I’m ninety-nine point ninety-nine percent certain that’s how it is, considering that again, ninety-nine point ninety-nine percent of these take place here in Ponyville.”

“How can you be so sure about that?” Vinyl asked him. He pointed down onto the paper and began to read aloud.

“Although this brand new trend seem to have taken the country, perhaps even the world by storm, it does seem that all of these share a similar setting of place. The human, whether he stays in his humanoid form or by some form of ancient magic is given the body of one of our own, is almost always placed in the small town of Ponyville.”

“Oh... Well, how do you know they’re all made by bronies and not some of the local Equestrians? We can write as well you know.”

“Because although I didn’t know what a brony was until recently, you Equestrians didn’t know what a human was until recently either.” He replied.

“How can you be-”

“The recent trend of the fictional humans was created nearly three years ago-”

“Alright, alright, so you were right.” Vinyl admitted as she huffed, crossing her front legs in defeat. It was sort of cute really, seeing her all pouty like that after being told she was wrong about something. In fact, it reminds me of this one time where-

“So what else is relevant to these new stories?” Octavia asked, now seeming to get interested in the topic. Perhaps, if the stories were good enough, she would actually be able to enjoy a good fiction now. She had been craving to read one for quite a while, but she either didn’t have the time to reread her favorites or find a new book and give it a chance. So why not just pick one from the list of stories that are posted in the paper? If they’re posted in the paper, then have to be at least decent at best... What? She reads as well, it isn’t just playing the cello 24/7. Also, don’t interrupt the author as he’s speaking! It’s rude!

“The human characters seem to always fall in love in your heroes, the Elements of Harmony, or vice versa.”

“Is that what’s reported in the paper?” She asked, to which he responded with a nod this time. “How-”

“In almost the dumbest or most unrealistic ways possible.”

“How can you be sure about that? Or does it say that in the paper as well?”

“Intuition.” He simply replied, to which Octavia rolled her eyes again.

Huh, that seems to be one of her favorite things to do, rolling her eyes... or is it because I can’t think of anything else to portray how the characters don’t simply care about the answer...? Probably the latter. Ooh, ooh, he’s speaking again!

“Let me give you an example. This one story they talk about- Well, let me just read it for you. Ahem. ‘One of the hit books, ‘Through the Eyes of Another Human’, was highly acclaimed among the new human fandom for it’s humorous, romantic, adventurous storyline. Critics gave it high scores, some claiming that it’ll be remembered throughout the years. The human character of course, turns into one of us in order to save the world from the horrible Nightmare that infected our dear Princess Luna years ago. Speaking of which, Princess Luna is apart of the story itself, and with a special interview with her majesty, we asked her about what she thought about the book.

Shockingly enough, after all the praise and fame it had received, her majesty Luna seemed to have disagree the critics, calling the book “an insult to the Equestrian language” as well as some other choice words that we forced to keep to ourselves due to political reasons. We can’t tell you what she said, and as Princess Celestia told us that we would not face any consequences for repeating what was said in that interview, we still do not want to take the risk of having our company being forcibly shut down.’”

“Anything else?” Octavia asked. He nodded and continued to read the article out loud, the mares continuing to eat their breakfast.

“You know that title I said out loud earlier? Well, it’s about a guy who doesn’t turn into a pony, original right? Not to mention he ends up boning those two mares I managed to piss off. What were their names again? Twilight and Rainbow?”

Octavia groaned. “So you mean it’s one of those types of stories?”

“Yep, but wait, there’s more!” He explained as he tried acting like some sort of announcer. “There’s a guy that turns into a diamond dog and goes on an adventure, and another about a guy turning into a gryphon and going on an adventure, and another one about a guy crashing from outer space and going on an adventure!”

The grey mare put a hoof to her chin, becoming bored of the conversation quite quickly after hearing nothing but dribble from this article, or at least what she presumed was the article. “Anything else?” She asked again.

“Romance, romance, adventure, romance, adventure, historical, adventure, adult novel, romance- Oh hey, here’s one about you guys!”

The ears of both the mares perked up as he said this, both of them suddenly becoming interested in the story for the same reason. “Us?” Vinyl asked.

“Yeah, let’s see here... Ahem, ‘Though this story only received mediocre reviews at best, the author showed perseverance as he continued writing despite what editors told him. He has been quoted saying “If that crappy vampire romance series can make it big, then I should have at least some sort of chance.” While it is true that many authors feel as though that the hit tween vampire romance novel series “Dusk” shouldn’t be allowed as it’s giving our young a false sense of hope when it comes to romance, we here at Manehatten Times would like it to be known that we have no quarrels with stories that are ill-received by those with some form of intelligence. Speaking of which, going back to the story “Into A New World”, the main character is that of a young human living in Ponyville with, not one of our dear Elements of Harmony, but of world-renown musicians Octavia “Philharmonica” Pie and our very own Manehattenite Vinyl Scratch.”

Fiery had taken a break from the reading to look at Vinyl with confusion. It seems she had something else she hadn’t told him about herself just yet. Octavia though, being her best friend, already knew.

“What? I was technically born in Manehatten. My parents moved us to Canterlot after a year or two in Manehatten.” She said before pointing back to the paper. “Now keep reading.”

With a shrug, Fiery did just that. “Critics gave it poor scores for fast-pacing and grammar problems, but when it came to the story itself, it held up decent, bringing its scores to average. The story of a young man being stuck in a world he doesn’t know, only to find out he truly belongs here. Finding his true mother in Canterlot, the new love of his life, Octavia Pie, bearing his child as-”

“Wait, what?!” Octavia interrupted as she slammed her hooves onto the table and got out of her seat. “What was that?!”

He continued. “The new love of his life, Octavia Pie, bearing his child as he grows accustomed to his pony body, only for Octavia’s pregnancy to end in tragedy as a spell mishap causes her to miscarriage. The cri-”

“First he fucks me and then I get a miscarriage?! I-I, I’m gonna throttle whoever wrote this crap!” Octavia screamed as loud as possible. Vinyl was on the floor rolling in laughter now as she thought Octavia’s reaction to this news was priceless, and even Fiery had begun to chuckle as he watched Octavia storm off in the direction of her office.

“Where are you going?” Fiery asked through his chuckles.

“To write a complaint letter! Nopony, and I mean No Pony makes my name look bad!” She hollered back, only to make Fiery begin laughing harder now.

And that my dear friends, was just another day in the household of the musicians. Sure enough though, the publishers responsible for the recent trend of humans had begun to see lawsuit after lawsuit not just Octavia, but from the Elements of Harmony, as well as others. Needless to say those publishing groups soon went out business.

On another note, one such lawsuit was from a minty unicorn by the name of Lyra Heartstrings. Apparently for some reason it was a peculiar sub-trend within the trend where she would happen to know a lot about humans. Because of this, many ponies across the country would come and search her out for more answers about said creatures. The irony of it all though? She had no clue what a human was.

Well, that just about does it for me. Anything to share, Vinyl?

“Yeah, if you’re state is trying to pass a law legalizing weed, for all that is holy, pass it, pass it, pass it.”

We both laugh at her silliness.

“No, but seriously, stop making up stories about us ponies screwing you humans. It’s bad for business.”

Welp, you heard her folks, enough with the human clopfics. This is the author saying, Goodnight.

Author's Notes:

Sorry for the short and not-funny chapter. Been busy i.e. lazy and haven't written anything past 1400 words in chapter 14 in nearly 3 months. Hopefully I can get back into writing very very soon. Welp, see you guys, until next time.