Ugh, my head! AH! What the hell is with that bright light! What the hell did I do last night…? Oh, right, ended up getting thrown out of the bars last night for drinking too much and probably complaining about my life again.

Let’s see, what happened afterwards…. Went back to the apartment, woke up Patrick who got really pissed off at me, grabbed my guitar, cigarettes, and Iphone, then… shit, I went to the Quad again, didn’t I? Guess it would explain all the birds I hear chirping around.

Let me remember, my name is Joseph Henderson, but some of my friends call me Jojo. I’m currently going to the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. My best friend is named Patrick… Right…. I’ve had a shitty life by white, middle-class people’s standards, haven’t I?

Mom and dad broke up when I was only four because my mom found out my dad was cheating on her with a young blonde. She had to work extra just to support me as a lawyer. Ever since then my life had gone on a downward spiral as my mom wanted me to also become a lawyer. She placed me in the care of my aunt who, and I don’t usually call people this because it’s degrading, but she literally fits the description. She was a slut. She slept with a different man probably every single week when she was supposed to be watching me. Don’t know if it’s because she liked doing it with different men or if she was literally a prostitute but I’d rather not dwell on it. Don’t even get me started on how so treated me when she wasn’t sleeping around….

I wish I could have called school my safe-haven from my aunt, but, for some odd reason (or at least in high school), the teachers hated me. No, I mean the teachers really did hate me. Don’t know what I did but for some reason they would never help me on any assignments. I guess I was lucky though as at least they graded me fairly… I’m sort of convinced that my mom threatened them at some time for better grades (Hey, would at least explain why they would hate me so much).

Alright, high school, high school…. Oh yeah! Now I remember! I thought during my freshman year my school life was gonna turn for the better! Why? Well, I guess you could say it’s because it was the year I lost my virginity. Kind of a funny story at that one too, lost it to a lesbian who wanted to get revenge on her ex by having sex with a man. Why did she think that would work? Don’t know and don’t care. All I know is that was the beginning of my freshman year.

Then in comes my mom when she found out. She ended up banning me from practically stepping outside after school. For the next three years, I had to stay in the house doing my homework until my mom came home from work. Luckily, I had found the guitar from my grandpa tuck away somewhere deep in the basement with a bunch of vinyl records from the 60’s and 70’s. Thank you grandpa, because of you I found the eargasms known as classic rock; even taught myself how to play the guitar thanks to the internet.

Senior year in high school my mom finally let go of the shackles and let me get a part-time job so I would at least have some money before I went off to college. Was the same year I also got a girlfriend (A real one, not like that last girl). Oh how I wish that year was better than the others, but sadly, it wasn’t. Turns out the girl I was dating had cheated on me with several guys. I had let it go the first time, because I thought she could change for the better (I also didn’t want to be like my mom who never gave my dad a second chance), but, she blew that chance. Ended up making me so mad the second time that I actually ended up punching her in the face and giving her a black eye. Was it dumb and juvenile to punch a girl for cheating on me? Yes. Was it satisfactory though? Oh hell yes.

I guess that brings us back to now. It’s 2013, I’m 21 years old, I’m here at the university I mentioned earlier studying Law like my mom wanted me to with my best friend going to the same school, so that was awesome, but…. Lately I’ve been goofing off way too much, going out at night and partying or drinking and telling my sob story to girls at various bars on Green Street just so I can bring them back home with me for the night.

But I guess I should be more specific, that brings us to last night. Last night started off as any other. Get drunk at the bars, hit on a girl, this time I got rejected and thrown out of the bar, went back to my apartment as I said, and then went to the Quad. There, I saw an extremely beautiful girl in a white dress, or so I think. She ended up luring me with her finger and followed her orders like the dumbass that I am, when I could of sworn she summoned some type of portal or something, I have no idea what the hell it was, but she ended up stepping through it, with me following… and that’s it, can’t remember a thing happening afterwards.

Alright, I think I’ve been delaying the inevitable long enough though. It’s time… to open my eyes…. The sun hit my eyes right away and it hurt like all living hell. I was finally able to adjust to the light though and started to look around. When were there so many trees in the Quad? Ugh, why does the sun have to be so damn bright? Maybe if I put my hand over my head and…. Why is my hand brown… and furry… and a hoof? I can feel my fingers, but I don’t see them….

Okay, okay, hold on Joseph, you’re freaking out too much, just calm down and…. Why the fuck am I a horse?! I clearly have the body of a fucking horse now! I got up on my little stubs of hands now and see if I could walk. As I said, I could still feel my fingers, so I guess I put my ‘hand’ into a fist, and tried to walk like a monkey or ape would. Figures it would work.

Alright, let’s see here. For some reason, I’m a horse… maybe I’m just having a Pink Elephant on Parade moment right now? I pinched my front leg and- OW! Okay, no, this is definitely real…. How did…? That woman! She’s the one responsible!

Fuck me…. Well, I guess I can’t really do anything until I meet her again… What do I look like anyways? I turned my head to look at my body and let’s see… brown coat, red hair and tail, and a guitar tattoo? When the hell did I get that? Do I have a different tattoo on my- No, that’s a guitar too. Huh…. Why the hell would I put guitars on my ass?

Wait! My Iphone and cigs! I had in my pocket when I was still a human and…. Why do I have pockets made out of flesh? Can this day get any god damn stranger?

Well, at least now I know the phone and cigarettes are still safe; suppose that’s a relief. Alright, guitar next. I began to walk forward a little like an ape again and was able to get there in mere seconds; remarkable really, but I think I would have to say that the weirdest part about it was that it ended up feeling so… natural. Anyways, I wanted to handle the guitar with care, so I found a stick that was laying on the ground nearby and tried picking it up with my hand… hoof… thingy.

I reached out with the stick with one of my front hooves while keeping my balance and… Woot! I was able to pick up the stick with ease! Yay me!

Alright Joseph, next up is the guitar…. Very slowly I picked it up by the neck and without warning I slung it around my shoulder and placed it on my back like usual, as if it was programmed into my mind. Fuck! Stupid Joseph! Don’t you know that horses- oh hey it worked. Huh, odd, I didn’t know horses had shoulders, or am I just a special kind of horse? Ehh, whatever.

Okay, so, guitar? Check. Iphone? Check. Cigarettes? Check. Alright then, I suppose I should try to find some sort of civilization then. Perhaps if I look for some type of moss or… or I could go into the town that’s so clearly in front of me maybe a mile away. Alright Joseph, time to go make some new ‘friends’.

It was still early morning in Ponyville as a certain purple unicorn had finally gotten up out of bed, brushing her mane and tail, then finally going downstairs to eat breakfast. “Morning Spike.” She called out to her number one assistant who just happened to be a baby dragon she ‘gave birth to’ (All she really did was hatch him from his egg).

The dragon turned and smiled at his friend as he brought out breakfast. “Morning Twilight, I’m surprised you’re up so early.”

Twilight blushed a little as she responded. “Yes, well, I wanted to get up early today because I was supposed to go and meet Rarity at her house, then go and meet with Fluttershy at the spa.”

“Well, that sounds like-“ But the baby dragon wasn’t able to finish his sentence as he burped out green flames, with a letter coming out of the flames.

“A letter from Princess Celestia?” Twilight asked as she walked over to her assistant.

Spike unrolled the letter and began reading it. “Dear Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student.

I’d like to let you know that today a new pony will be coming into Ponyville, and I wish for you to meet and help him. He has had a very rough life and I wish for him to experience the joys that life has to offer.

If possible, I would also like for your friends to help this stallion as well.

From,

Princess Celestia”

“A new pony?” Twilight asked before sighing. “I was hoping to go with Rarity and Fluttershy today… but I suppose it can’t be helped.” She then looked at the pancakes that were on the table. “I suppose that stallion wouldn’t mind if I ate breakfast first, right?” She asked her assistant, hoping for him to answer.

He looked at her blankly until he finally realized that she wanted him to respond. “O-Oh, yeah, sure, whatever you say Twilight. The Princess would never want you to search for a new pony on an empty stomach.”

“Exactly! Alright then Spike, time to eat.” She said happily as she sat down at her spot at the table and began digging into the pancakes.

As I finally reached the town, I was sort of confused as I walked through it. There were things there that suggested that this town, country, world, whatever, was at least as modern as Earth, but all the houses seemed to be made out of wood and the roofs made out of hay. I suppose I shouldn’t dwell on it too much though, as it isn’t the important thing here. I’d say the important thing is that the town inhabited by horses…! Or are they ponies? They don’t seem to be as big as horses, so I suppose it would make sense and- What am I talking about?! We have intelligent multicolored ponies running around, speaking like normal human beings and even doing human like things! There are even ones with wings and others with horns!

I sigh as I realize that I might never get home and that I might have to spend the rest of my life in this world. I suppose I should start off by introducing myself to some of the townsfolk, but the question is, how do I do it?

As if my ‘prayers’ were answered, a pink blur seemed to ram right into me, knocking me on my ass and almost knocking me unconscious. Before I could even understand what the hell had just happened, I suddenly heard someone talking really fast as though they were spazzing out about something.

“Ohmygosh! Are you okay? I’m sorry I wasn’t really paying attention and- *Gasp* You must be a new pony in town, which means I have to make you a welcome party! My name is Pinkie Pie, and I make the greatest parties in Equestria! But first I need to get some supplies for the party and-“ I was finally able to stop her talking by shoving my hoof into her mouth.

“Slow down there, I have a few questions I want answered. If you do that, I’ll let go the fact that you rammed right into me. Understand?” I asked, and she nodded in response, making me smile. “Good. Alright then, first question, where am I?”

I let go off her mouth, which was probably my first mistake in this world. “Oh that’s SUUUUPER super easy silly! You’re in Ponyville of Equestria! *Gasp* Maybe I can introduce you to my-“ Again, I shoved my hoof into her mouth.

“Second question-“ I began with a little irritation in my voice. “I’m obviously new here, so could you so politely point me in the direction of someone I could get a job from? Possibly a place to stay for the night as well?”

“Don’t you mean somepony? Oh! Maybe you can ask my friend Twilight! Oh wait, she’s busy today with Rarity and Fluttershy. Oh! I know! You can go ask Mayor Mare about stuff like that! That’s how I got my job and living place at SugarCube Corner. Speaking of which, I should really be heading back so I can make you all sorts of delicious treats for your ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party!”

“Alright, sure, whatever, sounds good. Perhaps before you go though, could you possibly point me in the direction of her office? Town hall I would presume?”

She nodded her head furiously. “First you go down this road, then you take a left, then a right, then a left, then a right, then straight, then left, then right, then backwards, then-“ I stopped her right there.

“On second thought, I’ll ask somepony else.” I told her before walking away.

“Alright then! Bye bye Jojo!” She yelled at me before giggling and trotting away.

…. Wait, What?! How did-, When did she-…. How the fuck did she know my name?! Before I could even think about questioning her about it though, she was long gone. I sighed and began my search for somebody, err, I suppose it’s somepony as I had said earlier, and have them tell me the way to the town hall.

Finally, after maybe an hour of searching, I had reached the steps of the Ponyville town hall. As I walked inside, I ended up finding the door to the mayor’s office, and there was a pink… what do they call female horses? Mares? I think that’s the word. I found a pink mare typing away (Don’t even ask, because even I have no clue) at a typewriter. Why she wasn’t using a computer if this world was so modern was beyond me, but that wasn’t the current problem for me.

I walked up to the mare, trying to be as nice as possible, and coughed a little trying to get her attention. Nothing. I coughed a little bit louder this time, and yet she still ignored me. Maybe she’s deaf? I then coughed as loud as possible. It finally got her attention.

She looked up from her work and spoke in an annoyed tone. “May I help you?”

What a bitch! “Erm, yes, you see, I’m new to town and I was told I could come here to talk to the mayor about finding a job and-“

“I’m sorry, but the mayor is very busy at the moment and can’t be disturbed.”

“Oh… Do you know when she’ll be available then?” I asked her, trying to be as polite as possible.

“I’m sorry sir, but she won’t be available for at least a week. Please leave your name and number on this sheet and we’ll call you as soon as she’s able to make time for you.” She told me as she pulled out a sheet of paper on a clipboard with a pencil tied to it and placed it in front of me.

“Um, I don’t think you understand. You see, I kinda need a place to stay tonight, because I don’t have any money and-“

“I’m sorry sir, but you must make an appointment before you can see the mayor.” She said as she interrupted me.

“Are you sure the mayor can’t take something like five minutes out of their busy schedule right now to help me? I mean, I’ve come all the way from-“ But she interrupted me again.

“I’m sorry sir, but you must make an appointment before you can see the mayor.” She repeated. Alright, fuck this, fuck this bitch, I’m sorry but I tried to be as calm as possible and that ain’t happening anymore. I walked around the desk and began to walk towards the door when the secretary began to call out to me. “Sir! You can’t just barge in like that!”

“Fuck off!” I yelled back at her. Surprisingly, that seemed to do the trick, as she seemed so surprised at me saying ‘fuck’. I pushed open the doors of the office, and you know what I see? I see a grey mare with white hair, not doing paperwork, or meeting with someone important. No, I see her bouncing a fucking ball off her nose, seeing how many times she could keep bouncing it before failing. I looked back at the secretary and glared at her. She became extremely embarrassed and quietly went back to her desk and continued to work.

Right as I had barged in, the mayor had lost focus on her ball and quickly tried hiding it, as if putting it away would make me forget I saw her doing that. She quickly brushed herself off and tried to look as professional as possible before turning her attention to me. “Yes? May I help you?” She asked me with a large smile.

After I had gotten done glaring at the secretary, I ended up walking into the office and closed the door behind me. “Hi, yes, I was told that you could help me find a place to work and stay?”

“Alright then, just let me get out this form-“ She began going through her desk, and seconds later, pulled out a long form that was at least five pages long. “I’ll need you to fill this out.”

“Is there something in there I should worry about?”

She chuckled a bit. I didn’t like it. “Whatever do you mean?”

“I guess I’m worried about you taking my rights away as an Amer- err, I mean, Equestrian citizen…. Yes, Equestria… totally from Equestria…”

She chuckled a bit more. “No no, nothing like that. It simply says that we helped you find a place of work and of residence and that you officially become a citizen of Ponyville, Equestria. All you need to do is fill out your name, what your Cutie Mark stands for-“

“Cutie Mark?” I asked out loud like a moron.

“Why yes. You know the mark on your flanks? How could you not know that? It’s elementary.”

“O-Oh, err, um, I-I lived, um, o-out of country w-when I was young.”

“Oh really? Where did you live?”

Shit! Nice going Joseph, how do you explain this one?! Maybe if I make up a country that sounds like from here… but what if she wants to hear me speak? Fuck! I only took a little bit of French in high school! “U-Um, uh…P-Prance?” I said with a large smile, hoping it would work.

“Prance? Oh I always wanted to go there!” Oh thank god it worked. “What was it like? Could you say something for me in Prench? Please?”

I rolled my eyes and responded. “Sorry, but shouldn’t we be talking about the job and residence?”

“Oh! Um, right, forgive me.” She coughed a bit and ended up blushing before continuing. “Anyways, as I was saying. You would have to fill out your name, what your Cutie Mark stands for, how old you are, etc. Then, after you give me the form back, we can start the process of finding you a job and place to stay!”

I smiled at her genuinely. “That sounds great.” She nodded and handed me the form. I took the pencil into hand, err, hoof, and was about to begin when I just realized something. I forgot to give myself a name….

“Is there something the matter?” She asked me.

“O-Oh, no, nothing’s wrong.” I replied while I nervously chuckled a bit. Come on Joseph! Think! Think! That’s when, for some odd reason, the pony name Fiery came to mind. Alright, first name down, now for the last name…. Maybe Strings? Sure, that sounds good, and makes sense because I got a guitar ‘Cutie Mark’, whatever that is.

After filling out the form to the best of my ability, I handed it back to the mayor. “Alright Mr…. Strings! With the Cutie Mark you put down guitarist, age 21…. Alright! Looks like everything is filled out correctly, just need your signature at the very bottom of this page and I’ll be able to go through the jobs list.” She handed the form back to me and flipped it to the last page and pointed at the very bottom. “Please sign on the dotted line.” This feels more and more like a contract of some kind than a form for me to fill out every second. I handed the form back to her a second time. “Very good, now we can find a job for you. Do you mind if your job also happens to be your place of residence?”

“Err, I guess that’s alright….”

“If that’s too uncomfortable for you, we can try to find a separate lodging, but usually we find it easier to just pair the job and place of living together.” She told me with a smile.

“I see…. No, I think it should be alright.”

“Very good…. Alright let us go through the jobs….” She pulled out a large drawer filled with various folders inside. After skimming through most of them, she finally came across what she was looking for. “Ah! Here it is.” She pulled out a large, thick folder and opened it. Inside it contained a stack of papers with lines crossed out. She began to hum to herself a tune I didn’t recognize as she looked through the papers.

After what felt like forever, I ended up seeing her go through the papers again and again, a face of disappointment replacing the smile on her lips. “Is there something the matter?” I asked, fearing the worst.

She looked up at me and tried her best to smile. “As odd as it seems, I’m currently unable to find any suitable jobs for you, fitting your talent anyways. The only openings we have are working at Sweet Apple Acres bucking apples, or working at the Carousel Boutique helping miss Rarity doing heavy lifting and such and helping by being her… fitting on the clothes….”

I gulped in fear. Really? Working at farm? That or working at a clothing boutique? Those were my only two options? “U-Um, y-you wouldn’t happen to have anything else, right? I-I mean, anything.”

“Well… I know I really shouldn’t be doing this but- Oh! What’s this?” She looked down at the sheet of paper, as did I as I hovered above her, trying to see through her skull if I could. She lifted her head, nearly slamming it into mine, but I was able to get out of the way before it had happened and she smiled at me. “You’re in luck Mr. Strings. It appears that the guitarist for the business that Ms. Vinyl Scratch and Ms. Octavia Pie run had left their job and place of living last month. Don’t know why it was buried all the way in the back, but this should be sufficient, shouldn’t it?”

Wait, Ms. Pie? I wonder…. “Y-Yeah, that’s sounds fine…. Um….”

“Hmm?”

“Is… Is Ms. Pie related to a certain pink pony-“

“Oh! It seems you’ve met her sister Pinkie already. Yes, those two are related, however, they seem to be on the opposite ends of the spectrum if you catch my drift.”

I became confused. “Pardon?”

The mayor sighed. “To put it simply, whereas Pinkie is hyper and always seeking fun, her sister Octavia tends to be… more sophisticated, and tends to want quiet and peace rather than loud noises.”

“I see…. So I shouldn’t have to worry about her, say, pouncing on me or something like that once I enter their place?” I asked with seriousness, and the mayor simply giggled.

“Heavens no! But enough about that. Do you wish to live with the two of them? Or do you wish for a place of your own? Oh wait, you told me you didn’t mind living with your employer.”

“Err, yeah.”

“Well, do you wish to know about the house before you go visit them?” She asked me. I nodded in response. “Ahem, very well. First off, it’s a 3BKL house that is close to the cliff that drops down towards Whitetail Woods, however this shouldn’t put you off as it’s very much stable and able to handle anything that would potentially hit it.”

“Um, do you mind if I ask what type of natural disasters are known to hit this area?” I asked with seriousness, but for some reason the mayor laughed at my question.

“Ohoho, oh, oh, excuse me. Ahem. I’m very sorry about that, it’s just that… we don’t have natural disasters here. Well, I guess that isn’t technically true, as the pegasus team does tend to sometimes create blizzards for winter or tornados to clear out a section of the town, but nothing that would damage the house. I suppose the pegasus teams in Prance were a bit more rowdy?” She asked me.

“U-Uh, yeah…. Always try to make a natural disaster happen every week, ehehehe.” I chuckled nervously. How the hell was I suppose to know the winged ponies were the ones who created the weather! Who’s ever heard of such a ridiculous thing?

“Anyways, back to the house. It’s more of the modern type of house as it was built by their last roommate using money which, quite honestly, I have no idea how he got. But anyways, would you like to see a picture of where you would be staying?” Again, I nodded. “Alright then.” She answered as she pulled out another drawer and reached down into it, looking for I assumed was the picture. About a minute later, she pulled what looked like a high definition photograph out of a folder marked ‘505 Mane Avenue’, guessing it was the folder containing blueprints and other stuff for the house. “Here you are.” She said with a smile as she handed me the photograph, and boy was I amazed!

It looked like a house right out of Hollywood! It was a two-story house, with plaster walls and a roof made out of concrete, large windows shining large amounts of light into the house, and… and… a swimming pool! I get my very own swimming pool! Kickass! “It looks amazing!” I said with enthusiasm.

“Well I’m glad you like it. Let me give you the instructions on how to get there and then I will send you off on your way with these documents explaining why you were sent, alright?” She asked, which I nodded to almost right away. “Good.”

After walking for about thirty minutes, I had finally arrived at the house, and man, did it look even more impressive in person. I walked up to the front door and began to knock, and without missing a single beat, somebody behind the door had answered. “Coming!” The voice called out as I began to hear footsteps (hoofsteps?). Seconds later, the door swung open to reveal a white unicorn with a unique blue hairstyle, and purple shades on. “May I help you?” She asked with a grin.