Starlight Glimmer
Chapter 1: Starlight's Pain
Load Full Story Next ChapterHate. Hate was what Starlight felt. She hated the ponies around her. She hated the way Equestria was. She hated her whole life. She hadn’t been happy in who knew how long. She had no family, no friends. Well, she did have one friend. She hadn’t seen him in years, though, not since they were foals. He’d probably forgotten about her…
It wasn’t like she didn’t try to make new friends though. She didn’t want to be alone. But nopony else ever gave her a chance to be their friend. Not that she was bullied by them, but sometimes she wished she was. At least then they wouldn't ignore her. They hardly ever looked at her. She never understood why they acted the way they did. Her only theory was because they were all different. She thought it made them think that they were better than her. It was the reason Sunburst was taken from her. His parents thought he was better than her once he got his cutie mark, once he was different, so they sent him off to Canterlot. And now they were ignoring her because she was different. There was no other explanation. So she eventually stopped trying to make friends. It wasn't like anypony cared. Even if she did find a friend, they’d probably just be taken away from her, too.
She didn’t just lay around however, lying in her sorrow. She took her hate for how things were and let it drive her. She was determined to change things. She studied and practiced magic obsessively, to the point where she rivaled the students under Celestia, and spent many sleepless nights lying awake in her bed, trying to come up with a way to change things. It was hard on her. There were many days when her sadness and loneliness engulfed her, telling her to just break down and give up. But she always took that sadness and loneliness and let it fuel her fire. She couldn’t break down. She knew if she did, she’d never get back up.
So Starlight went on, day and night, alone into adulthood, intending to eliminate the differences between ponies. She knew she had something to do with their cutie marks. Getting one was what made ponies different. If she could get rid of them, they'd all be the same. They'd have no reason to think that they were better than her, better than anypony. And if nopony thought they were better than any other pony, then everypony's life would be better. And more importantly, she wouldn't be so ignored.
She convinced herself of this reasoning, and she had proof of her theory: herself. She didn't have a cutie mark, and she didn't feel superior to any other pony. She was the oldest pony in Sire's Hollow without one, maybe all of Equestria. It was uncommon for anypony older than a decade to not have a cutie mark, and completely unheard of for anypony as old as Starlight now was. To be fair, she went out of her way to make sure she didn't get one, taking steps to make sure that, despite her insistence on studying, she didn't receive one. She didn't want to treat other ponies the way the ponies of Sire's Hollow treated her. She led as mundane of a life as she possibly could. She rarely went out, unless it was necessary, and when she did, she didn't talk to anypony unless it was necessary. But it wasn't like they tried to talk to her anyway. They didn't want to. No pony would ever give her the time of day.
Outside of studying magic, Starlight didn't do much else, although she did sometimes talk to the colts and fillies, especially ones without cutie marks. She didn’t talk about anything that would get her in trouble, of course, like how she hated cutie marks, or how she would one day create a perfectly uniform and homogenous society, but she did try to plant seeds in their minds. It was little comments she made, like telling them nopony was better than any other, or saying how it would be nice if everypony were equal. She hoped that, even if the idea didn’t take hold, they’d at least not turn out like their parents, not treat each other the way they treated her. She was doubtful, however. Most of them liked her, and they’d come up to her to talk to her, typically about her lack of a cutie mark herself, until they got their cutie marks. After that, they’d ignore her like everypony else. It wasn’t just her, though. Even as she talked to them, they treated each other that way, too. She hated to see it. Although, she was past trying to stick up for anypony past a certain age. The times she had stuck up for them, they didn’t even offer her a simple “thank you”. They just went on treating her the same way as the bullies. It wasn’t the fact that she didn’t have a cutie mark, it was that they did. Cutie marks created differences, which bred arrogance, which bred hate. Their cutie marks filled her life with hate.
Starlight knew her hate for them was misguided, though. It wasn’t their fault they got cutie marks. They probably didn’t even realize what they were doing. She just wished that just one of them would open their eyes and see how isolated she was. It would take almost no effort to just stop and say “hello”. Could they really not see how lonely she was?
She knew it wouldn’t change, however, at least not until she changed it. And she was almost ready to start changing it. She wasn't going to wait around or someone else to do something, she was going to take action. By the time she was ready to leave, she knew in large part what she wanted to do and what she needed to do it. She just needed to find something, something that she knew wouldn’t be in Sire’s Hollow. Which was fine. She was ready to leave anyway. It wasn’t like these ponies cared about her.
As Starlight walked away from the place she lived her whole life, she turned and watched as no pony even bothered to glance her way. She wanted somepony, anypony, to look, but, unsurprisingly, they went on ignoring her.
"Typical," she thought. "When I come back, I'll be given the respect I deserve."
She didn't linger for more than a few seconds though. Having business elsewhere, she walked, leaving the town behind her, knowing what she was looking for. There was a certain rock she had read about that could store magic, and got stronger the more magic was stored in it. She wanted to use it to store the magic of the cutie marks she planned on collecting. The trick, however, would be to find it. And learning or creating such a spell, of course, but that was a problem for another day. For now, she wanted to find her rock. She did have a hint to help her, though. She read that it was likely somewhere near the Crystal Empire, in the Crystal Mountains, or possibly even in the Frozen North. Of course, it wouldn't be ideal if it were that far north, but she wouldn't let a little cold and snow stop her if it was.
It wasn't that long before Starlight was walking into Canterlot. She could take the train here and reach the Crystal Empire within a few hours, but she decided to stop anyway. The Royal Library was here, along with the Canterlot Archives. She wanted to spend a little more time studying, and there was no better place to do that than Canterlot.
She immediately headed for the library. She wanted to see if she could find the specific location of where the rock she was looking for was, and checked out several books on special landmarks, as well as books on cutie marks and psychology. From there, she rented a guest house and spent her time reading.
She learned quite a few things during her studying session. The first thing was that a pony’s behavior was at least partially tied to their cutie mark, although she already assumed that, seeing as ponies with cutie marks saw it fit to ignore her. She also learned that removing a pony's cutie mark would effectively remove their talents as well, which didn’t quite make sense to her. That, to her, would suggest that everypony essentially already had their cutie marks, except it only became visible when they discovered what they were good at, which she didn’t believe. Starlight already knew what she was, or, at least in theory, would be good at. She just made the conscious decision to not do that thing so as to not get her cutie mark. But regardless, the info would be useful in making everypony more equal. The third thing she learned was that she couldn’t truly get rid of a pony's cutie mark. The very best she could do was replace it with something else, which she guessed she could work with. She figured giving everypony the same cutie mark would be of roughly the same effect as nopony having a cutie mark. She also learned that the rock she was looking for was in the northeastern part of Equestria, just south of the Yaket Range. While it was cold there, it wasn’t the Frozen North, which was a relief. While she would have done it, she wouldn't have looked forward to having to trek through snow for potentially weeks, even months, and was glad she wouldn't have to do it.
As she closed the last book, Starlight looked out the guest house window and was surprised to find that night had fallen. It was fine though. "I'll just go to sleep now and visit the archives tomorrow," she thought, as she lay down in bed. She was just about to fall asleep when a thought hit her. She didn't have a manifesto. How was she supposed to convince ponies to give up their cutie marks without one? Of course, she could just take them by force, but that wasn't ideal. Actually, no, it was wrong. It was the opposite of equality. She had to make a manifesto. But that would also have to wait until tomorrow. For now, she was going to sleep.
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