"El final del juego de los Vengadores fue sobrevalorado. Você sabe o que não é superestimado? Criar a una niña."

"Ah'm impressed. You flawlessly switched from Spanish to Portuguese halfway through."

With the advent of technology having not reached the small farming town of Ponyville, Cider Season was the closest one could get to the battle royale of Black Friday. People from all over would flock to a village too small for them, and the rare moments of tranquility were greatly appreciated by the overworked Apple family. Storms brought strange loyalties, and the one it had currently decided to drop into Applejack's lap was one of the few ponies who stayed sober this time of year, Derpy Hooves. The two had taken advantage of the break to share quick small talk and spill tea as if they had been friends their whole lives.

"Betcha don't know Mandarin."

"Of course I know him! He's constantly receiving newsletters. Hey, is that a knife?"

"I'm glad you can recognize basic cooking utensils."

"But why are you using it to make cider?"

"Oh, that's easy. Look, pick it up. Grab that apple. No, Derpy, that's a pickle. Apple. Look at the symbol on my fla- okay, good. Hold it over the jar. Now, just stick the knife in the apple. Derpy, you're facing it the wrong way. THAT'S THE WRONG WA-"

Applejack's eyes widened as the blade sunk into her barrel, yielding a stream of liquid. Inhaling sharply, she staggered back from the table, staring at the knife implanted handle deep in her side.

"I... I think I'll go back home. See you tomorrow, Derpy."

"No! Hold on, I can-"

The blade was yanked at an angle. Chance, Luck, and probably some gremlins shook hands simultaneously, and AJ was perfectly bisected. Both halves collapsed, and the insides were exposed to the bright sun. Derpy may not have been very well educated in medicine, but she was fairly certain the insides of ponies were tinted a recognizable shade of red, and lacked seeds. AJ's head half paled as she looked down on her cleanly divided body lying in the dirt.

"Ah, hell. Derpy, can you grab that half of me?"

"I'd really rather not..."

"This ain't the time to be squeamish! You have completely cut me in half, and I need to get back inside before the line's back!"

AJ's forelegs began pulled their half along the ground like a PG rated Lance Bishop, and Derpy scrambled to lift the unconsciously squirming tail and plot.

---*---

Several uncomfortable minutes later, the front door of the Sweet Apple Acres toolshed was headbutted open, and AJ's two halves were awkwardly placed on top of a wooden table covered in screwdrivers and hammers. Derpy dropped the dripping weight from her shoulders and took a moment to lean against the wall, taking a breath.

"Ok, I really appreciate ya doing that, Sugarcube. So ask away."

"Do you have a spine?"

"Nope."

"Do you have a core?"

AJ started to mouth another denial before realizing that she didn't actually know. She elected to explain what she did know, and just kind of hope she forgot the question.

"Our oldest ancestor was one of Discord's little jokes. Threw some seeds in an apple tree, one sprouted an entire pony. She was one of the few remaining traces of his reign after the royal sisters beat him back. Apples spread all across Equestria, and several generations later, this town was founded by one."

"What about a stem? Wait, how are you growing hair and fur?"

"I don't know, Derpy! Not many ponies know about this, and I'm not one to experiment on my own already fragile body! Do you know what it's like to have paper skin and no bones? Dash collided with me one time and her hooves carved a circle in my flank! I had to stay inside for a week!"

"So why do you make apples?" Derpy pushed herself off the wall and absentmindedly tried to push AJ's two halves together.

"It's what we know, Derpy. And we're really good at it, too."

"Isn't-"

"IT'S NOT CANNIBALISM! I GET THAT CRACK EVERY DAY FROM MY FRIENDS!"

Derpy leaned away, shocked. After a moment of silence in the shed, AJ sighed and sat up best she could, trying to reach her hindlegs.

"Can I ask one more favor, Derpy?"

"Grab one of those seeds and give it to Big Mac. I guess I'll finally have to tell Applebloom about this, if she hasn't figured it out already. I'm surprised she hasn't come back in two pieces already from one of her friends stunts."

Derpy swallowed deeply, glancing at the pulp of the farmer's barrel the closest seed was deeply lodged in. Applejack raised an eyebrow.

Author's Notes:

The picture that prompted it