Episode 8: Twilight Sparkle on The Daily Show [+bonus Jon's vacation in Ponyville]
by Daily Show Ponies
Chapters
- Intro: The idea
- Intermission: Jon goes on vacation
- Intermission: Jon goes on vacation part 2
- Interview: Please welcome to the show Twlight Sparkle
Intro: The idea
As the sun rose over the skyline of Manhattan the sound of Jon's alarm turning on awoke him from his deep sleep.
"...for it is written in the book of 2nd Samuel: 'His way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who--'"
Jon slammed on snooze button ending the pastor's sermon. Instead of an old fashion alarm clock Jon's morning wakeup call was provided by a radio set to a Catholic broadcast station, because (as he would tell anyone who asked) nothing wakes you up in the morning like an old man yelling at you that you're going to hell.
Jon was on the fourth day of his weeklong vacation. Comedy Central had given him another break since he first started "Equestrian Interviews," only now he was using the time away from the office to spend time with his family. But as his little vacation was quickly coming to a close he started to realize that he needed a new guest for the return show...and since it would be the first show since the break he wanted that guest to be special. To be Equestrian.
Jon slowly made his way down the stairs to the living room, each step bringing with it a creaking sound as if the house was trying to communicate with him. He eventually found his way to the kitchen where his children we're already eating and his wife, Tracey McShane, had just finished putting the final touches on his breakfast. Scrambled eggs, toast, and waffles.
"Hey kids," He said to the children at the table who didn't say anything back as their mouths were full. He followed the smell of food and quickly made his way to Tracey, giving her a hug from behind.
"Mmmm looks good!" Jon said, noticing that his breakfast was slightly different than his kid's. "Oh what, I don't get any bacon?"
"Not after your last trip to the doctor," she said, waving a spatula in his face. "Lower your cholesterol and then we'll talk, mister. Also you just get egg whites." The two kids present snickered in the corner at the sight of their father being scolded.
"Daddies in trouble!" One of them gleefully said as Jon took his plate of food.
After a quick peck on cheek he joined his kids Nathan and Maggie who were almost finished with their breakfast. Jon began to feast on the meal laid out in front of him but not even his wife's good cooking could take his mind off of work.
It was still somewhat early to be thinking about his next guest appearance but for Jon it was hard not to as he usually had some ideas floating around in his head. One of which was to invite a member of "The Elements of Harmony" on the program again. The last time he did was so with Applejack and as he recalled the ratings that time around were some of the highest. But that was just one idea out of many.
But even before all the Jon still wanted to do his homework on who each individual pony was instead of his usual routine of blindly picking a guest and hoping they'll turn out to be good. Jon continued to ponder what his next move would be but it didn't last long as his train of thought was derailed by the sounds of his own daughter trying to get his attention.
"Daddy, daddy, daddy?" Maggie said. "Can I ask you a question?" Jon always found it amusing that his daughter always warned him of an impending question with another question.
"Sure thing, sweety," He said leaning sideways to whisper in her direction. "Only if you give me some of your bacon." She happily obliged and Jon quickly hid the succulent strip of meat under his eggs before Tracey noticed.
"Alright, go ahead." Jon said, leaning over once more. "Oh and don't tell mommy."
"OK!...Daddy, when's our next vacation?" She said looking up at him with her big eyes. Jon took a quick second to think about it.
"Probably sometime this winter." He replied. "Why do you ask?" Maggie sat up in her chair as if to make sure Jon could hear her.
"Cause me and Nathan want to go to the pony place like you do!" She exclaimed.
Jon and his wife shot each other a quick look of worry; this was actually something they had discussed before. Although they both made sure their kids would never saw the show (even before "Equestrian Interviews") word of mystical pastel colored creatures still managed to reach their ears where it was amplified by their imaginations.
Both parents had agreed that the world known as Equestria was too dangerous for their children. Not only that but their ruler Princess Celestia had made it clear that Jon was the only one allowed there.
Trying to avoid the question Jon took Maggie's fork, scooped up some eggs and placed it in her mouth in an attempt to keep her quite. This proved largely fruitless as she simply just tagged in her adjacent brother.
"Yeah daddy!" Nathan yelled. "We want to see the horsies!" Jon himself now took a bite of his eggs, not because he was trying to avoid talking but because he was starving.
"Why do you want to see a bunch of old horses anyway"" Jon said, wondering if Celestia could hear him. "Trust me your not missing much...wouldn't much rather go to Hawaii again?" Both kids shook their head.
"But I heard that some of them are magic!" Nathan exclaimed.
"Yeah magic!" Maggie said, backing up her brother. "We want to see magic and horsies!" Jon knew that the two of them wouldn't let this go easy so he tried to his best to compromise.
"How bout this," Jon bartered. "How bout we go to Vegas again, see a magic show then go to a petting zoo that has ponies? That'd be the same right?"
Both children once again shook their heads in disagreement.
"Well trust me kids," He said putting on his best poker face. "As someone who's been to their place before take my word for it when I say it's not that impressive." Jon knew that if their kids even saw the tiniest glimpse of Equestria they would never want to leave.
"But Daaaaad!" Nathan protested, "Mommy won’t let us watch your show so we never get to see the talking horsies!"
"That's right!" Maggie added, "We'll never get to really see them unless we go to the pony place."
Jon was about to respond but before he could something clicked in his head. Suddenly he had an idea and all at once he knew exactly what he had to do next. He needed to make a phone call.
"Uh, listen sweety," He said in haste. "I'm sorry but I'm afraid you two can't go there but I'll set something up so you'll get to meet one. Deal?"
"Deal!" Maggie and Nathan said in unison. At the time Jon was just saying the first thing he could think of to get them to stop their questions, had had no idea his hollow proposal would one day come true.
Tracey shot a look at her husband who was already making his way to her side. The two had a quick conversation just out of earshot of their kids. Something Maggie had said gave birth to an idea in Jon's brain but first he had to clear it with his wife who was momentary stunned by his proposal. But eventually she agreed.
After getting the green light Jon gave her a kiss, picked up his plate of food and made his way back up the stairs to his study, but not after his wife snatched his lone bacon strip off his plate.
Jon placed his half eaten breakfast on his desk and began to dial the number of his royal friend, the idea still fresh in his mind.
"Hello Jon," Celestia said. "How are you enjoying your vacation?"
"It's alright," Jon answered as he sat down behind his desk. "How are you enjoying ruling over an entire nation with an iron hoof?"
"It's alright," Celestia answered trying her best to match Jon's tone. "What can I do for you today?"
"Well I still have a few days left till I get back to work," he said. "And I plan on using those days to learn as much as I can about your world and those who inhabit it. You know that way in the future I'll be more prepared during interviews and--"
"And you'll have a better idea of who you'll want on your show." Celestia interjected.
"Exactly!" Jon responded. "And that's where you come in."
"Yes of course," she said. "What new information would you like for me to impart on you this time?"
"You know, as much as I love our little one-on-ones that's not how I plan on researching your world this time around." Jon said, scooping a fork full of eggs in his mouth.
"Is that so?" Celestia asked. "Well then what did you have in mind?"
"Well...this is what I'm proposing. I'm not due to go back on the air for a few more days, right?" Jon said, swallowing the last of his breakfast. "Well with your permission I would like to spend the rest of those days in Equestria. Sort of like a...mini-vacation."
"Most interesting; not that I'm against this idea what why do you want to stay here all of a sudden?" she responded. "Up until now you seemed perfectly content with learning about our world through me and only visiting only when you needed to speak with somepony."
"Well like I said before, I want to use the time I have left to learn more about your world," he responded. "I just feel that the best way to do so is to immerse myself in your culture. By doing that I think I'll have a better understanding and appreciation for your people."
Celestia found herself once again impressed by Jon's respectful nature; her admiration for him was well founded.
"My, my, my Jon," she said. "It sounds as though you speak from experience."
Celestia was right; this idea was not entirety foreign to him. Not too long ago Jon had the honor of going to Afghanistan to entertain the troops. Hearing about their struggles over the news was one thing but to see it up close gave him an even greater respect for what they were doing...it was a trip that changed his life and how he viewed the world.
"You could say that." Jon responded. "There is still so much about Equestria that I do not understand and if I'm going to continue interviewing its people then I feel it's only proper that I meet them half way."
"Well said Jon," Celestia said with pride. "I'll make it happen! When will you like to join us?"
"Tomorrow morning if possible." Jon said. "I want to spend the rest of the day packing. Also if you set me up in a hotel can you make sure it has a mini-bar?" He made sure to make his request with a thick layer of sarcasm so she knew he was joking.
"I"ll see what I can do; don't worry I'll take care of everything." She said, pausing slightly before speaking again. "We'll have to do it early so we can get you through customs as quickly as possible."
Jon was about to take a bit out of his piece of toast but stopped dead in his tracks.
"C-customs?" Jon pondered out loud.
"Oh my yes Jon," Celestia responded. "We'll have to process you to make sure you're safe to enter our world."
"But I-- But I never had to go through customs before." Jon argued, the sounds of unease present in his voice.
"That was different because you were only staying for very short period of time," Celestia continued. "But since you'll be wanting to stay for a longer duration we'll have to make sure you're not dangerous. That means body scans, cavity searches, and you'll have to get an Equestrian passport."
"O-oh well if that's what it takes to get in then I'll be...happy to cooperate." Jon said, hoping that unicorns weren't the ones who conducted the cavity searches.
There was a dainty laugh on the other end of the phone before Celestia spoke again.
"Oh Jon I was only jesting," she said. "Don't worry about a thing I'll make sure you are properly accommodated...though it's nice to know how far you're willing to go"
Jon laughed along with Celestia, wondering if his fallacious attitude was rubbing off on her.
Later that night Jon slept in his bed next to his wife, his prepared luggage standing by to the door ready to go. As he snored the night away he dreamt of what was to come completely unaware of the magic that was already starting to take place.
Intermission: Jon goes on vacation
The day of Jon's visit back to Equestria had finally arrived and for the first time he was staying not because he needed to track someone down but simply to absorb the surroundings and broaden his horizon. The experience was going to be different than what he was used to; the immediacy of the situation would be upon sooner than he thought.
The sound of Jon's alarm began to slowly pull him out of his deep sleep. The day had barely started and yet it took him only a few seconds to realize that something was not right. The quilt that that he usually slept under felt somehow different, the warm feel of his wife in his arms was replaced by nothingness and the usual sound of his radio alarm was now the sound of a rooster screaming in the distance.
As if someone had sent an electrical shock through his spine Jon immediately sat up in his bed. His brain was still shaking off the last remnants of whatever he was dreaming about so the surroundings took a bit longer to register with him. But once it did Jon entertained the thought that he might still be dreaming or that he was kidnapped
"Where the hell am I?" Jon thought as he scanned the room looking for clues.
Wherever he was it wasn't his bedroom and it sure as hell wasn't any place he had ever seen before. His surroundings consisted of the bed he slept in, a nightstand, a desk located a few feet to this left separated by a window, and a wooden cabinet in the corner of the room. The walls were painted blue with matching light blue stripes and were adorned with pictures and light fixtures.
It was simple yet efficient; if he had been kidnapped then at least whoever did it so was accommodating. After a minute of further deliberation Jon began to notice a few key characteristics about his new setting.
The room wasn't just blue they were a very vibrant blue, the pictures on hanging from the walls were all whimsical paintings, and the light source that surrounded him weren't light bulbs but gas lamps. The atmosphere just screamed "other worldly."
"Am I in Equestria?" Jon thought getting up from his bed.
Immediately he turned his attention to the window in between the bed and desk and in one fell swoop opened the shutters to the outside world. It took a second for his vision to adjust to the sudden burst of light but once he did he realized that his hypothesis was confirmed.
Jon was now looking down at the busy streets of Ponyville's shopping district where a few bustling ponies could be seen haggling and buying various goods and services. From this height no one could see him so he took this moment to admire the view, which in its own right was quite serene.
After a moment of blissful silence that he rarely received in New York Jon closed the window and returned to his bed to straighten his sheets and adjust his pillow. He was obviously a guest in someone's household and as such felt it necessary to tidy up his living quarters.
As he put the finishing touches on his now tidy bed Jon noticed that there was a note on his nightstand held down by his own reading glasses. He took his glasses in one hand and the note in the other and began to read the familiar handwriting:
Greetings Jon,
I hope you find this room to be to your liking; it isn't much but it was the only place I could find that could properly accommodate your size. I've already commissioned this hotel to have you as their guest for the next few days though I highly encourage that you venture forth into town.
Your clothes are located in the dresser and your essentials in the desk. A map of Ponyville can be found in the hotel lobby in case you have trouble navigating around town.
If you need further assistance in any matter please don't hesitate to call me.
-Princess Celestia
PS: I apologize in advance if your transition was too sudden. I didn't want to burden you with the task of unpacking.
"Son of a bitch." Jon thought to himself. "This is a hotel...and I made my bed for nothing."
As slightly uncomfortable as he was by the thought of him being whisked off in the middle of the night without his permission Jon had to admit that the luxury of full room and board and having been spared the task of unpacking his own luggage more than made up for it.
With Jon now brought up to speed he put both the note and his glasses back on the nightstand and threw his arms out to stretch his muscles cracking some joints in the process. He continued his morning tradition by moving his head in a circular motion to stretch his neck, producing similar results. With his mind and body now at ease he was ready to start the day.
But before he could continue Jon's attention was now drawn to the door; he could hear muffled voices coming from behind it. It was definitely the sound of two people talking amongst themselves but they were too close to the door to be just passing by.
Jon stealthily approached the door to investigate. Lacking a peep hole his only option was the more traditional route of simply opening the door. He opted to do so but not before putting his ear against its wooden frame to do a little eavesdropping.
"...not doing it you do it." A male voice whispered.
"No way! What if he's dangerous?" A female voice retorted.
"Look the princess brought him here so it should be nice." The male voice shot back.
"Then why don't you do it?" The female voice asked. Slowly grasping the doorknob Jon took a step back and in one swinging motion opened the door as quickly as he could, freighting the two loitering individuals.
Just as Jon suspected they were both ponies: One a male Earthpony and the other a female Unicorn. The Earthpony was light brown with a tan colored mane and he wore a red hat while the Unicorn was pink with a bright yellow mane and was wearing an apron. Jon had been to enough gigs in his life to recognize hotel employees a mile away.
"Hi" Jon blurted, smiling at the two ponies. He paused to give them time to speak but none of them did. "Liiisten who do I talk to about a wakeup call?"
After a slightly uncomfortable pause the brown Earthpony (who was the receptionist) raised his hoof so slowly that Jon had time to give of a small yawn.
"Ah good," Jon said, trying his best to sound friendly. "Listen could you please set me up for 6:30 every morning?" The receptionist didn't say a word; he simply just nodded his head.
"Alright thank you!" Jon said patting Earthpony on the shoulder. Jon closed the door and was about to make his way to the dresser when a thought crossed his mind. Scratching his chin he turned his attention to the door again and swung it open in the same fashion as before. The two employees we're still there.
"One more thing," He said. "Where can a guy get a bagel around here?" His sudden reappearance caused the Earthpony to fall over in surprise leaving only the pink and lemon unicorn to answer.
"Su...Sugarcube Corner." She said.
"Thanks again." Jon said, once again retreating to his room. Having no questions left Jon made his way to the dresser to get changed. When he opened it he was greeted by nearly every suit he owned neatly arranged by color along with their respective slacks. On the left door of the dresser were his ties; while on the right was a mirror. The bottom of the dresser had Jon's dress shoes which looked like they were recently shined.
"Yeah I don't think so." Jon said as he stuck both his hands in between the wall of suits, pushing them aside to see what else was available. Eventually Jon found what he was looking for: his grey William and Mary T-shirt (Jon's old college), black leather jacket, a pair of beige khakis, NY baseball cap, and his old running shoes.
At the risk of wasting more time being by himself Jon left his room and into a hallway. His two pony friends where no longer blocking his way, in fact the entire area was deserted. After taking a hard left down the hallway he soon found his way to a set of stairs. He descended them quickly and was now in the hotel's main lobby, now Jon realized why no one was upstairs.
Ahead of him was the exit to the hotel where a rack of pamphlets could be seen. To his left was a rustic looking dining hall where several ponies were enjoying their continental breakfast and to his right was the receptionist's desk. His plan was to simply walk straight ahead and exit the building without being noticed but doing so proved impossible
As Jon made his way for the exit the sounds of ponies in mid-conversion came to a halt as did the clanging of their silverware. Jon was halfway to the door when he noticed the now dead silence and looked over his shoulder at the room filled with awestruck ponies staring at him. For all of them this was the first time seeing a human in person.
Matching their silence Jon continued in his path to the door, opening it ever so slightly. He could still feel rows the ponies leering at him from behind, some of whom actually got out of their seats to get a better look. As understanding as Jon was at their curiosity he couldn't help but have a little fun with them. So to that end he spun around quickly and lightly jolted forward at them.
"BOO!" He said, causing everyone to recoil at once and a few to fall over in their seat.
After giving a friendly wave goodbye he took a local map off the nearby rack and exited the building into the streets of Ponyville. Although his new location was very much different from this last in terms of settings the reactions he got from the masses was very much the same.
Jon strolled down a random dirt road enjoying the fresh air and sun trying his best not to stick out, though this proved to be impossible. The regular clothing he wore was standard attire for whenever he was on vacation and/or out of the house and didn't want to be noticed.
As famous as he was back home he rarely got noticed on the streets of Manhattan; especially when we wasn't in a suit or wearing professional on screen makeup. Only those with a true keen eye would spot him in his shabby disguise but that was New York...it didn't matter what he wore on the streets of Ponyville, either way he stood out like a sore pink thumb.
He continued to walk down his current path occasionally playing on his phone or looking at his map for reference. All eyes were on him and he knew it. Jon may have been well known but he wasn't used to this much attention outside his show. Little did he realize that rumors of his visit were already fast traveling through the region.
Looking up from his map he began to scan the many ponies who were doing the same to him. Some were trying to avoid staring but it was very obvious where their attention was. One colt in particular was in the middle of painting the side of a house but was so distracted by Jon's presence that he accidentally starting painting the windows instead, much to a older unicorns dismay.
Jon wanted to try something so he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of sunglasses. Looking in all directions Jon was secretly looking at the cutie marks of random ponies to see if he could properly guess what they meant.
He saw some that looked pretty straight forward like: A log being cut in half by a saw, or a book being written on by a quill.
Others however Jon found were to abstract to guess on visuals alone like: A piece of metal bent in the shape of a heart, or a lightning bolt that was twisted into a circular motion.
After a good while of staring at pony flanks Jon realized he was hungry as indicated by his stomach gurgling in protest. Even with the map Jon was still unsure of where this "Sugarcube Corner" was. It had been quite some time since he'd felt like such a tourist.
Lacking even the general knowledge of where he was Jon got the attention of the pony nearest to him, a pink Earthpony with green hair and a daisy as a cutie mark.
"Excuse me?" Jon said. "Could you point me in the direction of 'Sugarcube Corner?'"
"Uh...sure thing," she said, pointing to Jon's left. "It's...r-right around the corner."
"Thanks." Jon said handing her a business card much to her confusion. "If you're ever in New York."
His stomach grumbled in anticipation and after a quick wave goodbye Jon was once again on his way.
Intermission: Jon goes on vacation part 2
In no time Jon rounded the corner and found himself just outside what looked like a bakery. He entered the somewhat busy establishment to find all manner of ponies sitting an enjoying various confectionery treats. This must be the place.
Jon approached the counter where two Earthponies who were too busy spreading frosting on a cake and heaping a costumer respectively, to notice Jon. The Earthpony handling the register was a tall lanky yellow colt with an orange mane while the other pony working on the cake was a shorter light blue mare with a rose colored mane.
It was now Jon's turn to step up to the register. As he approached the Earthpony the intoxicating aroma of pastries filled his senses. This was definitely a bakery.
"Welcome to 'Sugercube corner!'" The cashier said, slowly looking upwards at Jon. "How can I...help...you...today?" Jon leaned in to both look at the selection of treats and to read the cashier's name tag which read 'Mr. Carrot Cake.'
"Yeah, do you guys have any bagels?" Jon asked.
"Uh...well...yes of course we do." Said Mr. Cake who turned to call out to his wife. "Uh honey could you get a bagel for...uh for..."
"Call me 'Jon.'" He interjected. An unaware Mrs. Cake was already emerging from the backroom carrying with her the bagel that her husband had requested.
"Jon huh?" She said, her attention on the bagel to make sure she didn't drop it. "That's a very unique name. Tell me are you from around..."
Mrs. Cake stopped mid sentence at the sight of the Jon towering figure looking down at her, at lost for words all she could do was stare. With no one making a move Jon reached forward and grabbed his treat.
"Don't worry I get that a lot," he said with a wink while pulling out his wallet. "So how much do I owe ya?"
"Uh...two bits" Said Mr. Cake.
Jon was somewhat taken aback; he had no idea was a "bit" was. He wondered if he could get away with paying with a dollar bill or two or if there was even an exchange rate between US and Equestrian currency. When he opened his wallet he noticed that if felt somewhat heavier than usual. Upon further inspection the bills that he had withdrawn the day before were gone and replaced with gold coins.
"Celestia how do you do it?" Jon thought, taking out two gold coins. He placed them on the counter and after getting a nod of approval made his way to the door.
The still awestruck Mrs. Cake was jolted from her daze by the sound of crying coming from another room. With a quick dash she ran up upstairs.
"Toddlers?" Jon called out, looking at Mr. Cake.
"Uh yeah," he responded with a nervous laugh as he rubbed his head. "Twins…only a few months old."
"Ah...I've been there." Jon said with a nod. "Trust me it gets better."
Jon opened the door back to Ponyville while at the same time taking a bite out of his newly acquired bagel.
"Hmmm...not bad," he said, taking a step outside and closing the door. "New York's is better."
As Jon walked in no particular direction he thought that perhaps a mom and pop style bakery owners would be interesting characters to have on his show. If they were any good at being interviewed as they were at making food they would do just fine.
Jon now found himself on a new street with new ponies but getting the same treatment as before. Endless faces starting at him. But he didn't care, he was too busy enjoying the fresh air and his treat.
It was so quiet that Jon could hear the sound of someone trotting behind him, but he gave it no mind. Though in time the sound got louder and louder and the attention of the ponies around him shifted from Jon to whatever it was making the noise. The sound grew in volume as if it was getting closer; now Jon was curious. He turned around to see what it was but it was too late. All he saw was a flash of green before tumbling to the ground.
With the sun now in his eyes Jon had a hard time seeing what was going on. All he knew was he was flat on his back and something was standing on top of him. As his vision slowly adjusted to the sun beating down on him he could see clearly now what had mounted him with a look on her face as she'd just found the Holy Grail. It was a mint colored Unicorn, her mane a pale cyan with streaks of white. She stared at Jon with eyes filled with wonder and her horn was uncomfortably close to his face.
"HEY!" She yelled. "You're the human everyponies talking about! Can you understand me?!"
Jon tried to respond back but couldn't as a chunk of bagel that he had previously tried to swallow was lodged in his throat. Noticing this, the Unicorn's large smile gave way to a look of dread.
"Oh no!" She exclaimed. "Don't worry I'll help ya!" With that the young mare began to violently jump up and down on Jon's stomach. The first three jumps yielded no results but after the fourth jump the half eaten glob of food ejected itself from Jon's windpipe. Jon gasped for air though it was still hard to breath with the Unicorn still standing on top of him.
"There we go!" Jon's attacker announced. "Can you breathe?" Jon didn't answer but instead continued to lay on the ground with his eyes shut, trying to focus on his breathing. The Unicorn however took this as meaning that he was unconscious so she raised her hoof in the air to smack him across the face, in an effort to wake him up.
Before she could strike however the mint colored Unicorn was grabbed from behind by a cream colored Earthpony with a blue and pink streaked mane.
"Lyra get off of him!" The nazely Earthpony screamed. "What in the name of Celestia do you think you're doing?!"
"Oh there you are Bon Bon!" Lyra said. "I was just helping out my new friend the human!"
"Helping? It looked like you were attacking him!" Bon Bon scolded. She turned her attention to Jon, extending her hoof to try and help him up.
"I am so sorry!" She said. "Please forgive my friend she can be...very enthusiastic. Are you ok?"
"Oh you worry too much," Lyra said. "He's fine. Right Mr. Human?" Jon grabbed Bon Bon hoof and slowly lifted himself up.
"I have a name you know," he said, standing up. "It's Jo-AAAAAAAAAAAAHN" Jon lurched forward in pain. Lyra's tackle had done more than cause him to joke on his bagel it also threw out his back.
"See! Look what you did!" Bon Bon yelled, jabbing Lyra with her hoof. "You injured him!"
"W-wait I can fix this!" A guilty looking Lyra said. She galloped behind Jon and pointed her now glowing horn at Jon's lower back. Although Jon couldn't see what was going on he was still nervous at the prospect of this Unicorn 'helping' him again. He could have ran away but the pain prevented him from doing much of anything.
"Wait, wait, wait!" He urged. "I'm fine really you don't have to--"
Before Jon could even contemplate what was happening his lower back jerked forward with a crack. Jon was now standing straight up with a look of discomfort plastered all over his face. Lyra then used her magic to expand and contract the muscles in his back which felt surprisingly pleasant.
The sudden sensation of pain followed by pleasure caused Jon to fall forward again.
"You killed him!" Bon Bon yelled.
"But!...but I didn't mean to!" Lyra cried. "Does anypony have a shovel?!"
"Wait! I'm fine!" Jon exclaimed as he slowly stood up.
"You're alive!" Lyra exclaimed, running around to get a better view of him. "Feeling better?"
"Actually...yeah a lot better really. " Jon said, swiveling around in place to see if the pain was truly gone. "Usually something like that would cost me hundreds of dollars so thanks...I guess."
Jon wanted to ask if her services came with a happy ending but decided not too as things were already weird enough.
"You’re welcome!" Lyra said looking over at Bon Bon who was glaring at her. "Oh..and sorry for hurting you."
"Eh it's ok, I've experienced worse." He said. "If I can survive Applejack kicking me in the stomach I can handle you."
Both Lyra and Bon Bon gave each other a look.
"Wait, what did you say?" Bon Bon asked. "Applejack kicked you?"
"Yeah she did," Jon answered. "Not too long ago when I surprised her on her farm."
"I knew you looked familiar!" Lyra exclaimed. "You're the host of 'The Daily Show.'"
"Yes I am. Jon Stewart at your service." He said, with a forced smile. With his back now in better condition he leaned forward to shake both their hooves. Lyra for some reason took longer to let go and was staring at Jon's hand the entire time.
"Oh wow, I love your show! " Bon Bon added. "Oh sorry I'm Bon Bon and this is Lyra. What are you doing here in Ponyville? Are you heading somewhere?"
"I'm on vacation." Jon said, rubbing the back of his head. "As for where I was going I don't quite remember."
"See what you did!?" Bon Bon scolded at Lyra. "You gave him amnesia!"
"Did not!" Lyra shot back. "He probably just forgot cause he's real old!" Bon Bon hesitantly shoved a hoof in Lyra's mouth and the other around her neck. She looked at Jon with a sorry expression.
"She didn't mean it!" Bon Bon said. "Please if you need help getting around town I'm sure I can help."
"She sure can!" Lyra said with a smirk, as she managed to momentary brake free. "This one’s really knows how to 'get around town' if you know what I mean."
"HUSH YOU!" Bon Bon demanded as she wrapped both her hooves over Lyra's mouth.
Jon watched as Bon Bon continued to muzzle her friend while Lyra tried using her magic to break free. Seeing her horn light up with magic once more gave Jon an idea.
"Actually maybe you can help me," Jon said, now having both ponies full attention. "I'm doing some research on this place and I'm wondering if you could point me to the nearest library."
"Sure I can," Bon Bon said, pointing at a building behind Jon. "You'll find lots of useful source material over there!"
"Thank you. I'd love to stay and chat but I gotta go." Jon said, lightly jogging towards his new location. Lyra finally broke free from Bon Bon's grasp and tried to follow him though Bon Bon wouldn't allow it. So instead she decided to ask one final question.
"Hey Mr. Stewart!" She called out. "Why you doing research on us anyway?" Jon stopped for a second to call back to her.
"Cause I'm planning on invading your world and keeping you all as my slaves!" Jon yelled back and was once again on his way. Lyra put her hoof over her mouth to hold back her laughter while Bon Bon had a look of worry on her face.
With his new destination clear in sight Jon took a second to admire its architectural design. It was a two story building that was partially built inside a tree. It was certainly different than anything he'd seen thus far. Jon found that the door was unlocked so he let himself in.
To Jon it looked like more of a house than anything else thought there were plenty of books around for anyone to justify calling it a library.
"Hello?" Jon called out. "Anyone here?" With no answer Jon gave a shrug and walked over to one of the many book shelves. He began to browse row after row till he found something that jumped out at him.
Between Celestia teleporting him here without him knowing and Lyra fixing his back Jon's interest in pony magic was at an all time high. So much so that he was thinking about inviting a Unicorn on the show next. He had gotten a taste magic that day and he wanted more; before doing so however he decided to do a little research first. Eventually he found a book that looked promising. When Jon read the introduction he learned it was about Unicorn spells. The book was called "Advance spells and Enchantments" and was written by someone called Starswirl the Bearded. Jon decided to peruse through it a bit before going to another book.
A few minutes had passed and already Jon had learned a lot of Unicorn culture. Some of the spells he read about ranged from everyday uses to expert level incantations. Along with spells the book also provided some chapters on Unicorn history, this was exactly what he needed.
Jon wanted to ask someone if he could check it out but there was still no one to be found. Jon now desperate walked up stairs to see if the librarian was present in another room. The results of Jon's exploration was not the librarian but a familiar face sleeping in a bed. It was none other than the first Equestrian citizen Jon had ever had as a guest on his show.
"Spike?" Jon called out to the sleeping dragon. "Is that you?"
"Huh, who's there?" Spike said as he slowly got up from his bed. Before Jon could answer Spike leaped from his bed and in a panic fell over the side of the walkway and landed on lower level. Jon scrambled back down the stairs to see if he was alright.
"Oh geez I didn't mean to scare you!" Jon said. "Are you ok?" Spike sat up and after a brief moment of dizziness started to run around the lobby picking up books that were in messy little piles on the floor and climbed up different ladders to reshelf them.
"Please don't tell Twilight I was asleep!" Spike begged. "I was suppose to clean up the place but I was real tired so I--" Suddenly spike stopped in his tracks and dropped the books he had collected.
"Is that you, Jon?" Spike said peering down from atop a ladder.
"Do you know any other humans?" Jon asked with a smile.
"JON!" Spike yelled as he slid down the ladder and ran up to give him a hug. "It's great to see you again!"
"Same here little man." Jon responded, ruffling the scales on his head.
"What are you doing here?" Spike asked, offering Jon a seat.
"I'm on vacation." Jon said sitting down. "As for why I'm here in this library its cause I'm doing some research on Unicorns. You don't live here do you?"
"I sure do," Spike responded looking at the book of spells he had in his hand. "Unicorns huh? Is this for your show?"
"You could say that," Jon said. "I've never interviewed a Unicorn before and I'm just now starting to learn about their magic. It's really quite fascinating."
"Oh I see," Spike said. "Well if its magic you’re interested in you should talk to Twilight."
"Twilight?" Jon said, caressing his chin. "Oh yeah Twilight. She's your...guardian isn't she?"
"Yeah she's the best magic user in all of Equestria!" Spike exclaimed. "I mean she is Princess Celestia's Pro..uh her Pro..ta shay?"
"Really?" Jon asked as the gears in his head stared to turn. "So she's good with magic huh?"
"Oh the best!" Spike answered. "In fact she once--" Just then the door to the library swung open startling both Jon and Spike.
"Spike I'm home!" A voiced called out. What followed was the appearance of a lone lavender Unicorn. Her mane was an even darker shade of purple livened up with a pink and magenta streak. Her head was in a book but upon seeing the mess she had left still present gave a sigh and lowered her head in disappointment.
"Oh Spike I thought I told you to...Oh! I didn't realize we had company." She said looking at Jon. Her attention quickly went back to the scattered piles of books and blushed slightly as she continued to address Spike.
"See Spike this is why we need to keep this place nice and tidy," She scolded. "I'm sorry sir but we--" It was at that moment that Twilight realized that her guest was a human. She stopped to a moment to look at Jon, admiring his presence.
"Say...don't I know you from somewhere?" She asked, squinting her eyes.
Spiked leaped forward, relieved that her attention was now on Jon rather than him.
"Don't you remember my trip to New York?" He said. "This is--"
"Stewart!" Jon said, getting up to shake her hoof. "Jon Stewart. It's a pleasure to finally meet the famous Twilight Sparkle."
"Wait, you're the Jon Stewart?" Twilight asked in surprise. "Wait you...you know who I am?" The gravity of the situation was starting to set in for her.
"Well your reputations precedes you." Jon continued. "Listen this may be very sudden but tell me...what are you doing Monday night?"
Interview: Please welcome to the show Twlight Sparkle
The Daily Show Interview transcript archive:
Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Twilight Sparkle (Twilight)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019
THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART
Having found a guest a few days ahead of schedule Jon had the opportunity to come back to the studio early in preparation for his upcoming show. Twilight was kind enough to teleport Jon back to New York herself the day he asked her to appear and since then he had his interns rearrange the set for the occasion.
This was the first time since Applejack that Jon had a member of the Mane 6 on his show and like with AJ Jon felt that the set and atmosphere should reflect the guest's personality. So to that end Twilight would receive her own song and the backdrop to the set depicted a wizard casting a spell in a manner that looked like it had been designed by artists for a Harry Potter film.
Some of the final touches to the set included bookshelves stocked with encyclopedias, torches on the walls, and most of Jon's staff dressed in robes (though that was merely done for the entertainment of audience.) But one of the most notable changes was Jon desk which was replaced by what looked like a pile of books stacked in the shape of his a desk. In reality however it was just his usual desk with an outer shell which depicted stacked books.
The crowd cheered as Daily Show officials gave the signal that was last commercial break was over. The camera did a longer and wider pan around the stage to show off its temporary new design before eventually zooming in on Jon who was sitting at his chair waving at the audience with excitement.
"Hey, welcome back to 'The Daily Show' we have a very special guest tonight! I know you've been waiting for this one!" Jon said, rubbing his hands together. "She is the leader of the 'Elements of Harmony,' and the protégé of Princess Celestia herself. Please welcome to the show Twilight Sparkle!"
The crowd roared with a level of excitement that was slightly higher than normal because they knew exactly who was on the docket this time around.
In the past Jon had always gotten his guest at the very last minute but since he managed to find Twilight a few days early he was able, for the first time, advertise an Equestrian citizen's appearance. This meant that people from both worlds knew who was coming in advanced instead of just a vague idea.
The screams of excitement only intensified once Twilight finally appeared on stage. Instead of the Daily Show's usual intro music a different song accompanied the Lavender Unicorn. Not being used to this much attention at once she looked a bit uncomfortable, though that might've just be a look of exhaustion from the many books she was hauling around. Strapped to the back of Twilight was a miniature sized wagon (though normal sized for a pony) that was filled with a random assortment of books that looked as if they would spill over at any moment.
Jon saw this and briefly shook his head as he got up to greet her. He met her halfway and shook her hoof taking a peek at the wagon of books which consisted mostly of history texts. After some time had passed the two stopped posing and waving to make their way to the center stage where Jon's desk awaited them both. Jon helped Twilight break free from her wagon and in turn she thanked him with a smile. Both found their way to their seats ready to begin, though the crowd was still in the middle of their cheering.
"Welcome to the show Twilight it's great to have you here!" Jon said.
"Thank you for having me Jon! I hope I'll do ok" Twilight responded. "I've never been on TV before."
"You nervous?" Jon asked.
"A little, but I've been practicing for days now." She responded. "I've already read three different books about appearing on Television."
"Oh well...that's...that's great." Jon responded. "You know uh,...a lot of people have been waiting for this."
"Oh really?" Twilight asked, still adjusting herself in her seat.
"It's true," he retorted. "You've...you've been mentioned on the show quite a few times already."
"Can't imagine why," She responded modestly. "I mean I'm nopony special."
Upon hearing this Jon gave her a look and slowly swiveled to the side to view the large and expensive set that he had his staff put together for the past few days.
"I really hope that's not true because if it is we blew a lot of money doing this." Jon responded.
"Speaking of which," Twilight said tapping the side of Jon's desk with her hoof. "I appreciate the sentiment and the attention to detail but, but there's more to me than this. I mean I like books but I'm not obsessed with them you know."
Jon once again greeted her with the same look he had given her before only this time he looked over her shoulder at the wagon willed with publications.
"Really?" Jon responded with a single raised eyebrow. "Coulda fooled me."
The audience laughed as an embarrassed Twilight Sparkle who inched forward in her seat to hid her collected material from sight.
"What is all that anyway, did you raid a library?" Jon asked, unaware of the fact that he just answered his own question.
"Oh well yes I...guess you can say I did something like that." She said, innocently fiddling with her hooves. "When your assistant asked if I needed anything I requested to go to the nearest library. I wanted to know what I was getting myself into before actually going forward with this."
Jon found her reasoning admirable though at the same felt a bit twang a of guilt since it took him up until now to do the same for ponies.
"What kind of books did you get?" Jon asked peering over at her collection.
"Oh many kinds!" Twilight responded enthusiastically. "A lot of these books are on human history and psychology but I did manage to get a few history books...but most of them are about American history since that's our present location. OH, OH, OH, but my favorite thus far would have to beeee...this one!"
Before anyone could react Twilight's horn glowed with power as she used it to whip out a massive book from behind her, levitating it in the air so all could see. The audience cooed in astonishment at the sight of real magic being performed in front of them.
"I know right!" Twilight said looking at the audience. "This book is interesting. It's called "Human culture and society" by one Charles Ellwood of Duke University. He states that It's impossible to understand human society without first understanding human culture...apparently human behavior is heavily influenced by economics, religion, politics and other facets of life. In fact according to him different groups of human life have--
"Actually twilight, uh...I--I'm pretty sure the audience was interested in the fact that you just used magic," Jon interrupted, motioning to her book. "And not Charley Longwood over here."
"Oh this?" She said looking at her horn. "It's a levitation spell, nothing special. NOW in this chapter Mr. Ellwood talks about how over the years humans have developed by as individuals by learning to modify their--"
"NO, NO, Twilight you don't understand," Jon interrupted again. "In our world we don't have magic...I mean, at least as far as I know, so for most I'm guessing this is a very new experience."
To see if this was true Twilight used her horn once again to levitate a few more books, spinning the around each other like molecules around an atom. Not a single audience member cheered or clapped due to the fact that they were all mesmerized by her effortless demonstration.
"How interesting," she said. "I can't even imagine a world without magic."
"See this is what I mean by 'special guest.'" Jon said pointing to her horn. "I mean you can use MAGIC...and you're on my show!...SUCK IT COLBERT!"
"But this is just a simple levitation spell," Twilight responded, placing all her books back in a neat little pile. "Any Unicorn can use it, I'm no different from anypony else."
"Well see now that's not true," Jon corrected. "You’re not just any Unicorn you actually have a very impressive Résumé...do you mind?" Twilight nodded sheepishly while Jon looked at his notes.
"According to my findings you...are the leader of the task force created by Princess Celestia called 'The Elements of Harmony,' you became the youngest pony ever to be accepted into Canterlot's school of gifted Unicorns where you received full scholarship as the Princess' Protégé, and you've helped save Ponyville many times from the forces of evil." Jon finished jokingly taking a deep breath as if he was winded. "Now that's...what I call 'special.'"
Twilight blushed as the audience stood in thunderous applause. At first she wasn't too embarrassed but once they started to chant her name she tried to cover her face with her hoof.
"Not only are you quite talented but you also associate yourself with some very important people." Jon continued. "Says here that, uh not only are you Celestia's most faithful student, but your best friends are the other members of 'The Elements of Harmon,' your brother is the Captain of the Royal Canterlot Guards, and your sister in law is a royal Princess...you're basically the John F Kennedy of Equestria."
Twilight humbled demeanor was quickly replace with a look of sudden realization.
"OH! I know who that is!" She exclaimed, using her magic to pull out another book. "I came across that name a little while ago when I was researching some of your leaders."
The crowd laughed at Twilight's continued habit of looking through her books during the interview. Jon would have interrupted Twilight who was busily flipping through pages but she was too laser focused at this point.
"I think it's fascinating how you humans go through leaders ever few years. I mean by home our Princess is always-- OH! I found it!" Twilight said, pointing in a section of a book about US presidents. "John Fitzgerald Kennedy, or JFK, was America's 35th president. He was born in Brookline, Massachusetts and became President in 1961 under the Democratic Party. Sadly it says here he was assassinated in Dallas, Texas, a few years later and his--"
Jon interpreting Twilight by putting a hand on her hoof, tilting his head to the side in an attempt to show her that the audience was laughing in her direction.
"Slow down there Google," he said. "We only have six minutes on the air you gotta pace yourself."
"Oh...sorry," she said, drooping her ears down. "I just uh...I find American history to be really intriguing."
"Is that right?" Jon asked. "Why do-- in what ways do you find us interesting? I mean you come from a world of talking animals and magic so I'm wondering what gets your attention over here."
"Well according to my research the land known at the United States of America was founded back in 1776," Twilight responded, who was tempted to go into further detail. "So that means it's only 236 years old...that's very young. Back in my world there are ponies who have lived almost five times that amount."
"Ok, no I see what you’re saying," he responded. "Is there anything else about America that you-- uh that you find interesting?"
"Actually there is! Like I said before that fact that you go through leaders so regularly is astounding." Twilight responded enthusiastically. "I find it most fascinating how your forefathers rejected idea of a monarchy so strongly and instead wanted a system where a new official was elected every few years. I understand the appeal of having a government by the ponies for the ponies, but their distaste for a royalty just seems to odd to me."
"Well the way most people see it is our founding fathers didn't want a system of government that had total control over the people but rather the other way around," Jon said, trying to match his guests level of intelligence. "I mean the idea of just one person...uh-- someone you didn't elect controlling so much has its flaws. I think Thomas Jefferson said it best when he said; 'That government is best--'"
"'When it governs least,'" Twilight interrupted, pausing for a moment. "I...I read a little bit about him too."
Jon was impressed by the level of understanding Twilight managed to accumulate in such a short time. He wanted to express that to her but it was too late...she was already as it again.
"Actually I've done some reading and I think I understand why most humans don't like royalty" Twilight said. "You see I drew some parallels between our two worlds and discovered that, when it comes to kings and queens, your past leaders had different life experiences that ultimately shaped the way they adhered themselves while on the throne, and--"
"You're doing it again" Jon interrupted, giving Twilight a look.
"Oh...I suppose I am," Twilight said with a blush. "Sorry!"
Jon didn't say anything but instead opted to stare at Twilight who in turn did the same, giving Jon a look like what a dog would give its master at the dinner table. The only thing that could be heard throughout their staring match was the audience's laughter.
"Alright go ahead." Jon said, surrendering to his guest's silent begging.
"Thank you! I'll make this quick I promise!" She said. "Now as I was saying...I think I've figured out why humans don't like royalty. You see your world had a point in time had something called 'The middle ages' where those who controlled nations did so from a throne. But back then life expectancy was very slim, in some cases 30 years was considered a full life. So kings were often very young, this meant that wars broke out at the behest of naive rulers who didn't know any better."
"Yes I'd imagine it would be rather difficult to run a nation while you have a raging hard on." Jon said turning to the audience. "Puberty! Amiright guys?"
"Well the thing is back in my world we don't have this problem," Twilight continued. "Our royal leaders are immortal, some of whom have lived for 100s of years; living that long has made them very wise."
"All I heard was your leaders could kick our leader's ass." Jon responded in his over-the-top New York accent.
Both Twilight and the audience laughed at Jon's satirical conclusion while Twilight's horn once again activated.
"Well I didn't say that exactly," Twilight responded, using her magic to levitate her mug of water to her mouth. "But we do know how to use magic."
Jon took a moment to respond as he wanted to wait for the audience's cheers of approval to come to an end. Once they did, almost at the same time Twilight set down her mug, he continued with his next point.
"Which reminds me, what kind of magic spells are there in your world?" Jon asked, genuinely curious. "Because on a uh-- from my point of view I've only seen a few of them first hand so could you enlighten us on that subject?"
"Well since you asked we have a wide variety of spells ranging from alteration and conjuration to illusion and restoration," Twilight said proudly. "There are also more...how should I put this?...destructive spells. Spells that are mainly used offensively though ponies know to only use those for emergencies."
"Now I've been...researching Unicorns in preparation for this interview," Jon continued. "And uh correct me if I'm-- if I'm wrong but for Unicorns it seems the common spells are levitation, teleportation, and illumination."
"For the most part you are correct," Twilight answered. "But I will say that a spell to teleport is actually a little more advanced than...levitation or illumination but it's still a pretty basic move.
"I wonder," Jon said. "Do you know of any...let's say 'enhancement spells?'"
"Enhancement spells?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah I mean has a Unicorn over in your world found a way to 'enhance' certain...attributes?" Jon continued. "Like say for example, ooooh I don't know...'male enhancement?' Like do you get chain emails about 'Male enhancement...s-spells'" Twilight was too busy thinking about the questioned to notice the audience's laughter.
"Male enhancement?...You mean like to make them taller or something?" Twilight asked back, confused as to why her legitimate question was met with laughter. Jon himself paused before answering both because of the crowd's laughter and because he was holding back some of his own.
"...You know what let's move on!" Jon said, shifting through his notes. "Now uh, now you said that teleportation magic is a pretty basic uh, subset of magic and as a matter of fact you yourself...teleported both me and yourself to this world. Now we uh, talked briefly backstage about that and it seems that doing so was no easy feat so could you explain...the significance of what you did."
"Well it's like this...teleporting yourself or someone else is a relatively easy spell but when it comes to doing so between different plains of existences it's a whole other story." Twilight explained. "You see we both exist in two completely different worlds so it's not as easy as say going from one end of the room to the other. Furthermore teleporting yourself is harder than teleporting someone else so it takes a pony with a very precise understanding of magic and skill to pull it off. Like Princess Celestia or--"
"Or like you." Jon interrupted.
"Oh well I don't like to brag," Twilight said, nervously playing with her hair. "But when I tried to transport myself to your office I go it on the very first try."
The audience once again began to applaud her. Although Twilight herself still wasn't entirely comfortable with receiving their praise she was slowly getting used to it.
"And you wonder why I wanted you on my show." Jon retorted as he turned to the audience. "Good thing you actually came on-- this one almost refused to come on you know."
Twilight nervously started to explain herself for fear that the audience might turn on her for almost declining to make an appearance.
"Wait! No it's just I-" Twilight said before being interupted.
"As a matter of fact," Jon continued. "You were this close to cancelling on me at the last minute."
"Well yes but...it's just it was so sudden!" Twilight explained. "I had everything planned out in my schedule and this just took me by surprise. Once I realized I could rearrange some appointments I knew I could make it today."
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize you had other plans." Jon said. "What kind of schedule does someone like you maintain?" At the time somewhere in Ponyville a few of Twilight's friends just facehoofed themselves.
"I'm glad you asked!" Twilight said as she used to magic to bring out a large piece a paper, unfolding it in strategic places making it even larger (almost to the point where it could completely engulf them both like a blanket).
"As you can see today I had planned to meet up with the Mayor to talk about zoning regulations in Ponyville," Twilight said pointing to a section on the paper. "Then I had to observe the migration patterns of the Ponyville toad but not before rearranging my wardrobe in alphabetical order. I managed to reschedule these for tomorrow but now I only get two hours of sleep tonight."
"Wow. Zoning regulations, migration patterns, alphabetical order...you must be a riot at parties." Jon said, staring at her massive schedule.
He had to admit there were some interesting looking entries that caught his attention like "Meet Rarity at Spa" or "Go to Sweet Apple Acres to taste test new pie."
"So you really schedule your entire day to the very last second?" Jon asked, as Twilight began to neatly fold up the massive sheet of paper.
"Well not every second, that's just silly. I usually schedule in some free time for myself to do fun things like looking for grammatical errors in magazines or seeing how many math problems I can solve in a minute. My record is 113." Twilight said proudly, while motioning to her schedule. "Oh and by the way this isn't for the entire day it's just for the afternoon.
Twilight used her magic to take out yet another sheet of paper which was even larger than the last one.
"This is for the entire day." She said. "And I don't plan my schedule just for the day...I do it for the entire month."
The crowd laughed as Twilight struggled to keep her giant schedule for falling over. Jon looked at the dozens of entries and wondered if she would ever have the time to come back on his show for a follow up interview. He continued to look at the schedule till something interesting caught his attention.
"Say Twilight?" Jon asked. "Did you jot down our interview on this thing?"
"Of course I did!" Twilight answered. "Why do you ask?"
"Because the entry marked on this day at this time just says 'Human observation experiment.'" Jon answered.
"OH JUST IGNORE THAT!" Twilight pleaded as she uncharacteristically stuffed her schedule behind her. "It's nothing!...oh um speaking of schedules I almost forgot I was supposed to give this to you."
Using her horn Twilight levitated a book from her wagon and placed it very gingerly in front of Jon. He instantly recognized the title, "Advance spells and Enchantments."
"I remember this," Jon said picking up the book. "I was going to try and check this out of your library but I forgot to ask."
"Indeed Jon. This is actually a very special book." Twilight explained. "It was a gift I received from the Princess herself. It had all kinds of useful spells, most of which are expert level. If you're still interested I can lend it to you."
At first Jon thought about turning down her offer since it sounded like it was very important to her and he was unsure of when they would meet again. Looking back Jon was infinitely relieved at the decision he made while at the same time haunted by the thought that he almost didn't take it.
"Sure why not." Jon said as he took the book, unaware of its importance. "I managed to read a little bit of this back at your place and I gotta say I really find it interesting...you know mostly because of uh...because we don't have any magic over here."
"About that...I was under the impression that you did." Twilight said. "When I was researching human culture I stumbled upon something very interesting. I read somewhere in a place called 'Washington' there's an elite group of men who are actually magic users like myself.
"Really?" Jon asked, utterly confused. "In Washington?"
"Yeah a group of 18 Wizards under some organization called the 'NBA.'" Twilight continued. A large smile creeped onto Jon's face as he placed his hand across his face. The audience laughed which made him laugh as well.
"Twilight...oh Twilight," Jon said, pausing to regain his composure. "The Washington Wizards are a group of basketball players...who-- They're just called 'wizards' they don't actually use magic. Their just a sports team." This sudden revelation caused Twilight to tilt her head with a look of confusion of her own.
"Wait wha-what? But I...but I read they went against another group of men," She added. "Another group of men who...who were made of magic!"
"I'm guessing you read bout the Orlando Magics," Jon retorted. "Again...same thing, they're just a sports team they don't use magic."
Twilight looked disappointing. Whether it was because her research turned up false information or the fact that there really wasn't any magic, Jon couldn't tell.
"So...so the stories I read about them using their skills to conquer wild bears, fearsome bulls, and even royal Kings?" Twilight asked with a sad face.
"Memphis Grizzlies, Chicago Bulls, and Sacramento Kings." Jon answered by tilting his head upwards, making sure he got the cities right.
"Oh...I see." Twilight said with a blush. "I'm afraid I'm not very knowledgeable about sports."
"Well I...can't even tell." Jon said with a funny look on his face. "If you want I can teach you a thing or two. I uh-- I have an extra ticket to the upcoming Giants game." Twilight sat up in her seat, a look on intrigue once again returning to her face.
"There are Giants in New York!?" She asked. Jon rubbed his hands across his face in frustration at the prospect of being back as square one.
"No Twilight again it's just a na-- you know what YES there are giants in New York." Jon said as the crowd laughed. A confused Twilight took this small break in the interview to drink from her mug again.
"If I may," Jon continued. "I would like to make an observation of my own using the data I've collected since we've met."
"Oh by all means!" Twilight said, leaning forward in anticipation.
"You...uh, you love books, always keep a schedule, find joy in otherwise mundane activities, and know nothing of sports." Jon said, receiving a nod of approval from his gust. "I have now come to the scientific conclusion, based on these recurring themes that you...are a huge nerd."
Twilight felt silly for walking into Jon's joke, displaying her feelings by pouting her lip slightly.
"Yeah I get that a lot from some of the other ponies back home." She said.
"'Back home' being Ponyville, right?" Jon asked.
"That's right." Twilight answered.
"How odd...It seems that uh, a lot ponies seem to live there who-- am I missing something or is that place just the happenest joint in town?" Jon asked. "I mean I would've guessed that someone like you would life in Canterlot. Seeing as how you're a Unicorn and you have a lot of connections over there."
"Well truth be told I actually used to live there." Twilight responded. "Grew up there with my family but then I was sent by Princess Celestia to live in Ponyville a few years ago."
"Why did she send you away?" Jon asked. "Was it some kind of punishment or something."
"No, no, no nothing like that." She answered. "She sent me to Ponyville because she wanted me to learn the true meaning of friendship!" Some of the audience members giggled at how corney her answer was.
"The true meaning of friendship huh?" Jon asked. "Couldn't she just've looked up its definition or something? I mean lord knows I sure you had a dictionary or two lying around somewhere."
Both the crowd and Twilight laughed as Jon grabbed his mug of water and extended his pinkie finger in preparation for his next joke.
"OH HELLOOOOOO Twilight!" Jon said, pretending to be Celestia by way of Queen Elizabeth the II's voice. "Listen I need you to go learn what friendship is! And to do this I'm going to send you far away from your family and home permanently! OOOOOH I do enjoy being a princess"
Twilight tried her hardest not to laugh for fear that Celestia was actually watching but in the end she couldn't help herself.
"Oh Jon that's terrible!" Twilight said, trying and failing to hold back incoming laughing fits. "There was more to it than that! She wanted me to learn what friendship was so me and my new friends could harness the power of 'The Elements of Harmony!'"
"I'm glad you brought that up Twilight." Jon said, leaning forward with interest. "I've heard of these elements before but I still don't know what they are. Could you explain-- and bare in mind I'm not from your world. But could you explain what these elements are and what they do?"
"Of course I can Jon!" Twilight said, raising her voice and clearing her throat so others could hear her. "You see Jon, The Elements of Harmony is the most powerful force in Equestria and is represented by 6 elements that keep our entire world from falling apart. These individual elements, personified by one of my friends, in order are: honesty, kindness, laughter, generosity, Loyalty, and mine which is magic. Each of us uses an ancient artifact that acts as a catalyst and when all the elements combine they unleash a great power...a power which we only use when evil threatens the land of Equestria and the ponies who inhabit it."
"Can you also summon Captain Planet?" Jon asked, breaking the serious mood that Twilight had delicately laid out. The crowd's laughter and Jon's facetiousness didn't sit very well with her.
"The elements are very serious Jon." Twilight scolded. "Without them life as we know it back home might not exist!"
"I'm sorry Twilight it just sounds so unreal to me...like something out of a cartoon." Jon said, trying not to laugh at his guest. "Now uh...you said you sometimes use the elements to fight evil. When was...the last time you actually had to use their power?"
"Well the last time we actually used the elements was about a year ago," She explained. "What happened was the town of Ponyville got taken over by Discord and we had to use its power to defeat him."
"Whose that?" Jon asked.
"Discord is a creature comprised of many mythical beasts," She said, furrowing her brow in contempt. "He is the god of Chaos and he lives only to plunge the world into lawless disorder. He's a creature of pure evil whose heartlessness is matched only by his insatiable urge to fuel himself on the suffering of others."
"Wow...this uh-- this guy sounds terrible." Jon said.
"He truly is!" Twilight responded, looking as if she was holding back some deep-seated emotions. "Tell me Jon do you humans have anypony like that in your world."
"Actually we do," He answered. "His name is Dick Cheney." Twilight though they were still talking serious at the time which is why she felt confused when the crowd busted out in laughter yet again.
"Now Twilight before we go I would like to say this...since the beginning of the show you've been real humble in your stance that your no one special." Jon said, sounding very serious for once. "But it's still my opinion that uh, that you are more important than you think so tell me uh--tell me honestly...have you ever experienced a time in your life where you felt like you were uh somehow superior or, or above other ponies?"
Jon's question didn't seem to sit entirely well with Twilight but she nevertheless gave it some genuine thought.
"Well there was this one time I broke into the spell archive room at the Canterlot Royal Castle" Twilight said, talking softly. "I was caught by a guard and even the Princess found me but I didn't get in trouble...I think it's because I had special privileges since they knew who I was." Twilight didn't mention her accomplishes for fear that they might get in trouble.
Usually Jon would have responded with a quip or two but he was still stunned at her story.
"You broke into the archive room of the castle!?" Jon finally responded. "You mean you actually went and-- you know I take back what I said about you being a Kennedy...you sound more like Nixon to me now."
"Oh, oh, oh I know who that is too!" Twilight exclaimed, once again using her magic to retrieve her book of presidents.
This time around however Jon had no plans of interrupting her.
"Here we go, Richard Nixon!" She said, finding the page she desired. "Richard Milhous Nixon was born in January 9, 1913 Yorba Linda, California where he became Senator. Later he became America's 36th President from January 20, 1969 to August 9, 1974. He is probably most known for the...scandal known as...'Watergate' where...he...."
As Twilight continued to read silently to herself Jon lifted his open palm in the air, counting down each finger in conjuncture with her eventual discovery.
"...HEY!" Twilight said poking her head from behind her book. Both the crowd and Jon laughed at an embarrassed Twilight who in time began to chuckle herself.
"Twilight it's been great to have you here tonight, thank you again for being here," Jon said grabbing her hoof. "Do you mind...just sticking around for about five minutes to show us some of your fancy spells and we'll just throw that on the web?"
"Oh well...I suppose I can fit that into my schedule." She said with a smile.
"Thank you very much Twilight. Tell Celestia I said 'hi,'" Jon said, now turning to the audience. "Twilight Sparkle everyone! We’ll be right back!"
The crowd cheered for more as the camera panned away from Jon whispering something into Twilight's ear. The camera took longer to phase into a commercial giving the audience at home a taste of what was to come by showing Twilight teleporting a few feet forward on stage for the audience. The crowd began to chant her name while the 'Daily show logo' flashed on screen then to another commercial break.
As Jon watched Twilight perform her spells he wondered who the hell he we was going to invite next that could even come close to topping this...unaware of the fact that his next guest was already on her way to Jon's home.