I really don't like these new doctors they brought in. Mom and Dad had a huge argument with one of the nice ladies earlier, the ones that brought in cookies and made the machines make you feel better. These people were not very nice. They reminded me more of one of the doctors with the sharp needles. I really didn’t like those.

“Now Tina, I know you really like those wings, but they are dangerous and could make you very sick.”

I just made them flap at that. They were so much fun! Flap flap flap! I heard the older man doctor say a very naughty word as they grab at their papers. The woman doctor just sits there, smiling.

I don't like her smile.

“Momma said heaven was a good place, and they have unicorns there and a unicorn gave me wings so it must be good! You’re just jealous because you want wings too, but you’ll have to find your own unicorn!”

The bad-smile lady just laughs at that while the black suit doctor mutters, “Had an easier time getting answers from insurgents in the middle east...” I don’t really know what that means, but I’m sure it wasn’t very nice. So I cross my arms and give my wings a big flap that makes their black glasses fly off their head along with their papers and I nearly fall over in my chair. But then the bad-smile lady waves around her little horn thing and all the papers hang in the air.

My mouth hangs agape. “Are you a unicorn too?!” I yell with excitement as I watch all the papers fly back to the table. The mean man shot her a look I would give my dad when he was being mean. “But where is your horn?” Then I gasp, she wasn’t a unicorn! She must’ve stolen their horn! “What’d you do with my unicorn?”

She gives a big sigh as she sets the horn down in front of her, rubbing her forehead with her fingers like my mom does when I ask her about where babies come from. “She doesn’t know Kizaky, and if she did she definitely wouldn’t tell some grown up stranger who’s a big bully like you.”

“First off, never call me that again. Second, can you fix it?”

“What exactly are you asking me to fix?” The lady asks.

“Mom said I am perfect just the way I am!” I protest. I really don't like how they are talking. I don't want to be fixed! Dad had Spot fixed after they had played with the other dogs and said that they couldn’t make little puppies anymore! I wanted little puppies!

“See? She seems perfectly happy the way she is.” Forget what I said earlier, she’s my new favorite doctor.

“You know perfectly well what I mean! Her parents are furious, the media will have a party, and think of how the others will treat her!” The mean man growls.

“Not a single one of your complaints is a problem with her. She’s special, with her chemo treatment it must’ve disabled her immune system enough that when the magic touched her it slipped right in. It will require the diligence of all of us to ensure that she is cared for and treated well.”

“Nova, you may think the world is all sunshine and rainbows but these wings paint a target on her back so big the entire world will be hunting her.”

“She isn’t the first, and she definitely won’t be the last.”

“I don’t like this anymore than you do, but this is going to hurt her, she just isn’t old enough to know it yet.” He looks at her sternly. “It’s also an order.”

“No! I won’t let you! This is mine! The Unicorn gave it to me!” I hop out of my chair and run towards the door, but I feel her grab at me with her bluish green magic. “Mo--” I try to yell but my voice is cut off and no matter how I scream I can’t make a sound despite feeling the vibrations in my throat.

“It won’t be pleasant, might not even be possible. Some of the worst criminals in history are those that just followed orders.” I hear the lady say. My wings frantically flapping around in the air as her evil magic holds me in place.

The mean man replies by pulling out a gun, pointing it at her, and making it click.

“I won’t ask again.” The mean man says.

I look at the lady, begging to her with my eyes more than I have ever begged to my parents. She can’t do this to me! I...I need to get out of here! Unicorn where are you?! I silently plead.

“Always first to violence, I have many allies and a long memory. You will regret this.”

“Do it.”

She sighs as I watch with terror as she draws closer, her horn glowing brighter and brighter as it draws near. I start to feel a bit tired, but once it touches my chest I scream. This time it isn’t muffled as the mean man winces and I scream even louder. It hurts! It burns! My body burns as if I’d just been stabbed with hundreds of needles! My wings and chest feel like when I’d accidentally touched the curling iron! I start to gasp for air as it gets harder to breathe, tears trailing down my face as I feel all dizzy and my vision fills with dark spots.

The horn starts to vibrate and shriek against my chest, its screams joining my own as I feel my body start moving on its own like it did just before my parents took me to the doctors for the first time, then everything goes dark.

My ears ring long after her screams are silenced. Realizing that I still have my gun drawn I slowly holster it, my eyes not leaving Nova. My hand doesn’t leave the grip though as I move closer to get a look at what she’s done. What I see is more than I could’ve hoped. Ever so slowly I see her wings shrinking, her pointed ears are migrating back to their rightful place.

“You did it...you actually did it.”

“Perhaps you should ask what it is you’ve had me do. The pain you’ve forced this child to go through. How long do you think this magic will be contained?”

“You’ve saved the child a great deal of pain. With a condition like this she would’ve been abducted and experimented on. Likely even killed”

“Here I am thinking you worked to stop those things.”

“You merely underestimate the power of capitalism. She’d be put in protective custody, and at her age that isn’t a happy ending.” I hear a few rough bangs against the locked door and the sound of keys. With a wave of her hand Nova makes the door swing open.

“I’m only going to say this once.” A doctor with short cut dark hair and a clean shaven face states. “Get the fuck out of my hospital.” They quickly move over to the fallen girl and press a few fingers against her neck. “She’s alive.” They report to the small crowd. The look the kid’s mother is giving me would kill me if given the chance.

“I don’t expect you to be grateful, but your kid is cured.” Nova is already heading towards the exit, not sparing a word. I quickly follow behind her knowing that things might get ugly if we tried to stay.

“Some help you were back there.”

“If you wanted to help, maybe you’d have listened instead of threatening my life.”

“The way you talked about magic I thought it would do a lot more than just give a kid wings. If you survived it how come it didn’t affect you the same way?”

“If you read the report the child was immuno-compromised. The radiation treatment wiped out almost the entirety of their immune system. That explains why it didn’t make them more sick.” She states tersely. Her little ‘horn’ as the girl had put it is glowing intensely, occasionally seeming to spark.

“With how aggressive her brain tumor was, the transformation likely saved her life. Once the magic finished developing inside her it would’ve become another part of her immune system and allowed her to fight off the tumor all on her own.”

“How the hell do you know so much about this? I’m tired of your whole mysterious act. The Pentagon assigned you to this, originally I thought it was just because you said you were a survivor and could withstand magic or whatever but only an imbecile would assume that’s the true story.” I say.

“Magic has been around much longer than you realize. It has merely been inaccessible for centuries, millenia even. What has happened now will put our entire world on a course that can’t be stopped. The only thing that matters now is what we are going to do about it.”

“Then we best be sure that we’re on the right side when it does.”

When our scanner started to pulsate red I knew things were going bad. It meant that one of the amulets we had sent out registered a pony in critical condition. The days and hours of trekking non-stop across this landscape, dodging the metal carriages and sneaking across their roads constantly exhausting and delaying our passage were starting to add up. We were tiring faster than we should too. The very air here seems to sap at our magic, our equipment working hard to stop the drain.

“Air team, report.” I command.

“Airspace seems clear, no more of those flying metal things. I’ve seen a lot of black vans that the aliens--er--humans have been getting into and driving away from us. Do you think they are trying to stay out of our way? I haven’t seen a carriage for a while now.”

Such news seems too good to be true. At first glance they had seemed incredibly curious, but as soon as we displayed even the slightest aggression they backed off. Perhaps they were as cautious of strangers as most ponies were. After all, most of my prior experiences with ponies I met before I changed sides tended to flee from any sign of danger...to let their princesses or heroes face the threat.

“Everypony stay close and form your ranks. Some creature is coming and it likely will be tough. One of our rescue targets is in critical condition, maybe even dead. We need to move fast so let me do the talking if any of them show up, got it? Don’t do anything to spook them or--”

“It’s an Ambush!” Soarin/Ocellus yells from the front pointing to a clump of leaves in front of us. Immediately we all dive for cover, but our exertion shows in our slow response. I hear several high pitched pings as darts appear on at least half my crew from all directions. They’d waited down wind on purpose!

I dive for cover, my armor protecting me from a stray projectile as I hear it ricochet. Putting a tree between us and the attackers buys us only a few moments, but that is enough. A quick count reveals that Patch, Stellar, and Honeycrisp are down. Ocellus dives down next to me covering my flank.

“Our crew is down, we’ve lost this battle already.” I say evenly. With a quick flick of my magic the tracking amulet slides around their neck. Another spurt and a crude arcane sphere envelops us. “They won’t rest until the commander is taken, and they don’t negotiate as we’ve seen.” I wince as my shield cracks under their impacts. Flitter knocks their advance back with a gust, but there are just too many hiding around and she gets tagged by several of them.

Her body collapses lifelessly with the others.

“They’re alive, we’ll be fine. Ocellus, I need you to fulfill our mission. Whoever they are, we can handle them. That’s an order, Ocellus.” I can see her doubt, but her expression is grim.

“You aren’t the only one who used to be a soldier.” She responds bitterly. “Lying to a changeling is a fool's errand. We fight in packs, we fight together.” I groan as my shield weakens further. I was just years behind in training compared to other unicorns. Twilight’s prosthetic was leagues ahead of anything I could have hoped for, but it couldn’t give me the experience I had never had.

“That is an order Ocellus.” I growl. “I don’t intend to lose or surrender. The only thing this is costing us is time. That’s something our mission cannot lose.” I wince as another dart clips the shield, watching it crack. “Now get out of here. Use the beacons when you’re done!” This time she doesn’t complain as she shapeshifts into some smaller creature as I disperse the shield.

“Alright you thugs, you want to fight? I’ll show you a fight!” I growl, stripping off my prosthetic and sweeping it into my bags as I leap out from around the tree going after the soldiers trying to flank me, not expecting us to attack so suddenly. My front hooves ram against some surprisingly decent armor as they go down with a whoosh of air as the wind is knocked out of them. With a quick kick to the head as a follow up I ensure that they’ll stay down….though definitely with one mean headache.

With them handled I take to the air with a spin, raising my hooves up to cover my muzzle to shield against the incoming fire until I reach the apex of my jump while charging my horn and unleashing it at the clustered group in front. With a smile I watch as the blast of energy surges past all their armor, and to my surprise travels down the length of their weapons to shock two others that scream from the pain. Hopefully not lethal, that would look bad on my friendship report after all.

The moment I land I prop up the body of the middle assailant, their form seeming just a little cooked, but it still deflects incoming fire just the same. A quick search counts five more hostiles, nothing I hadn’t handled before, but unlikely to end favorably. A single hit and I could be down and at their mercy like the rest of my crew. Aware of them spreading out around me to get a better angle, I grab a few green orbs from my pack. After Twilight and I’s first, shall we say rough experience, such weapons had been heavily frowned on, but being in charge of this operation meant it was my decision.

With a quick flick I launch one towards the flanking soldiers an expression of horror spreading across their faces almost as quickly as the stone. Their shock allows me to nail another before they can react, the impact close enough than it ensnares a second one.

“FLASHBANG!” One of them yells.

I see an incoming projectile, some sort of metal canister. Not familiar with the weapon, I knock it to the side, but it is my turn to be surprised as the other soldiers turn away and drop to the ground. I realize it must not be a contact weapon moments too late as my vision turns to white and my ears explode with pain. I can’t see or hear!

Blindly I leap to the side, tripping over my own hooves from my offset balance. Moments later I feel one of the soldiers piling on top of me and jabbing a metal prod between my armor plates. Energy courses through my fur as I roar in fury. My horn alights with energy and I hit them, grimacing as the beam arcs back across my skin as I feel it burn. They quickly fall to the side, whether from weakness or pain I don’t care to know.

“We’ve got men down! I repeat! Target is hostile!”

I don’t have to speak their language to know what it means. I do wonder who they’re shouting it to though. A quick hop over to their position I see them unarmed, their expression solidifying. Bravery. I can’t afford the distraction, but down to the wire like this I can admire my opponent. I don’t have the time, nor do I know their language, but I can show mercy.

They lower down into a battle stance and withdraw a blade, I take a step back, letting them make the first move. They make a loud yell and jab forward, their bipedal form betraying their action a full second before their strike that I easily parry, then bite down on their arm and slam them down opposite me, the blade dropping out of their grip. I give it a quick kick aside and move to let them continue, sparing a quick glance about to ensure that there are no others remaining.

I don’t see anycreature so much as feel someone, or something lurking in the evening shadows of the wood. Rotating around my opponent to face its direction I see a creature walk towards the others, dressed quite plainly compared to their comrades. Not taking any chances I immediately shoot my magic at their form but they deflect it with a small black dagger covered in what I could only assume to be blood.

What kind of dark sorcery do they possess? I wonder as they move forward as the disarmed soldier joins their side.

“We had it handled.”

“Emphasis on had.” They reply in a dark and smooth voice.

I don’t really care what they’re saying, but the confidence in what it was makes me nervous. I only have one orb left between the both of them, and raw power doesn’t seem like it will win this fight. Without removing my sight from them I pull out my prosthetic from my bag and strap it on, feeling it click in place.

“Oh come now, this one was even disabled!”

I didn’t need to know the meaning of that phrase to know what it was. My eyes burn with fury as I launch myself forward and launch a barrage of flames at their feet, feeling my anger fuel the flames as they’re forced to retreat, their fancy clothes singing and burning. Yet I don’t relent, I pounce through the fire, trusting my armor to take the worst of it. I levitate the soldier over with a flick and smash the orb into their face as I let them drop to the ground.

“COWARD!” I roar as they flee around the battle scene, my levitation spells failing to get a grasp at his form, dark oily magic seeming to coat his flesh. Instead I grab the knife from my combatant and hurl it at their chest, pacifism be damned! It embeds only slightly into their form as I feel a prick against my thigh. The world starts to dim and blur as I look back and see a dart embedded but no weapon that had fired it. I stumble forward as I hear the creature laugh as they pull the blade back out of their chest, black blood dripping for only a moment before it seals.

“A good try, horse.”

“It’s okay, honestly. You can’t expect to pass every test you take.”

I huff and stomp my hoof a bit, grinding it into the dirt. “You don’t understand! I can’t fail. Not when she never did. All these professors and the other students expect me to do at least as well! I study longer and harder than anypony I know and I can just barely get by most of the time! If I fail it means we both do.”

“Star, you can’t keep putting this kind of pressure on yourself. You know your mom would never expect it of you. She wants you to be your own pony, live your own life the way it was meant to be.” My friend Strudel always seemed to have a chipper attitude about everything we ever did, her uncanny optimism was one of the few things I could look forward to most days.

“I know she wouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it anyways. Whether everycreature admits it or not it’s what they think. They all know about the things my mom has done.”

“If you’re so concerned about the way others think of you, why don't you ever show any of your new spells to the other ponies or professors? You’re a genius, there is no way you should ever need to worry about a test.”

“Because I can’t stand the attention.” I groan with frustration and let my head flop onto the table in front of me. “It’s a paradox! I need to perform above everycreature’s expectations but the thought of showing off in front of others is what makes me nauseous! I’m not sick...I just”

“--Am anxious.” She replies with a quick hug, pushing my caramel milkshake back over to my muzzle. “You are so worried about what others think of you, not because of what they’ll think of you, but what you will think of yourself if you fail.”

“I….I just don’t know how to get over it. I’ve read every self help book in the library, I’ve tried Cadence’s breathing techniques, I’ve done all I can think of.”

“Everything except talking to somecreature about it. You’re a pony, we’ve all got our flaws. We’re not perfect, we make mistakes from time to time. You want to be everything everycreature wants you to be, and you’re utterly and completely miserable!” She stops me with her hoof and turns to face me. “I know where you’ve been, I’ve seen it with so many others. You bury yourself in all the pain and suffering of those around you because it distracts you from your own and depending on your ability to make others happy to keep you happy is not a good thing. It’s as bad and harmful as drinking or self harm. It will only make things worse. Being yourself is not always going to make people happy, sometimes you have to say no. You will offend creatures, you will make mistakes, but it is through our failures that we teach others who we are and discover what we want to be.”

“It’s time for you to be somepony.”

Waking up is a painful affair. For a long moment it’s as if the air is caught in my throat as I struggle to yell. Tears trickle down my face as I feel every fiber of my body burn with agony and betrayal, yet I can’t make a sound. It takes several moments for me to realize that the pain is gone, my nerves though still ache as if they’d been burned, but that too is fading. I wince as I take a labored breath, feeling a stab in my chest as the memories return back to me. I’m alone and in...a bathroom? For a moment I had felt something painfully hot pressed against my chest and heard the sound of a scream.

The door creaks open and I see a nurse along with the creature that we’d met at the dance the other night. The memory seems like an eternity ago. As I slowly grow to drug inhibited lucidity a memory sinks into my chest like lead. What had I done? I look at the nurse, not sure what to think of the bug creature just yet.

“Is he okay?”

I can’t resist the slight waver in my voice, the thought of me aiming my horn at them and just...unleashing it like that, and the explosion...oh god. My stomach turns and heaves, but nothing comes out as I feel it spasm a few times into the conveniently nearby toilet.

“He’s...I won’t say fine, but he’s alive. We think he might have a few mental issues, he tried to commit suicide as we were treating him. No one else was harmed. The uh...explosion didn’t cause more than a bit of fright and a few bruises.” I hear the nurse reply.

I wish I could say that hearing that made me feel better. It did, a little. But it didn’t change what I had attempted, what I had thought. At that moment I had wanted to kill him. A thought I can’t believe I was capable of thinking in my lifetime. A few moments later my stomach and gasping slow to a stop just leaving my throat sore. “Did...did anyone see…?” I look at the nurse with a little apprehension, then internally roll my eyes. Of course she saw. I look over my arms seeing fur growing up to my elbow on my left hand and about half that on my right. The webbing between my fingers on my left hand had merged up to about the first knuckle as well.

“I honestly don’t know. We’ve kept out as many people as we’ve been able. Your uh...friend here replaced you when your family came in. That’s why you were in the bathroom and such, we really need to get you back in your bed. You...took quite a beating out there.”

The bug creature looks away sheepishly. “Wasn’t really my intent, but it’s better if we choose when they find out instead of...well...like that. In your condition it probably wouldn’t be good for them to know just yet.”

I nod in appreciation. “That...certainly helps things a bit I guess, but it's only going to get worse from here. I don’t know how long we can keep from telling them.” I try to sit up, then immediately wince at the stabbing sensation again and lie back down.

“How about you just lay still. I’ll get a stretcher and we can move you properly. Tearing a stitch is the last thing we need right about now.” I open my mouth to ask another question but she quickly holds up a finger. “And no, as medical staff none of the others will disclose your current condition. I trust my coworkers in their ethics and the law is on our side there for now. Let’s just get you better first. Questions later.” With that she gets up and quickly leaves the room.

Left in just the empty silence staring at the ceiling isn’t doing my mind any favors. I really don’t want to figure out what happens if I can’t get my thoughts off that train so I turn to the bug creature. “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Mor--Artemis” I correct mid-sentence, the ease of the slip up a bit too painfully vivid. Thankfully they don’t seem to mind, at least not visibly.

“My name was Jake before all of this.” They reach out a hoof to my hand to shake it lightly. “It’s...good to see I’m not the only one caught up in this.” He? She chuckles a little after saying it as if it was all a joke.

I look away for a moment, but now that the question is in my mind I have to ask. “So uh...you were a guy before the change?” I ask, all too aware of my own form with the change. I don’t even dare look there now.

“No, not really. Just the name.” They say before sitting down across from me as I tilt my head a little, confused. They take a deep breath and sigh. “Everyone called me a guy before, but that didn’t mean I was one.” They say a bit morosely.

“I get it.” I say as sympathetically as I can muster. I hadn’t thought of it before, but ever since that first change...it had just felt so right when I was a pony. Not the thought of being a girl per se, but of being a mare. That kind of thought certainly was a bitter pill to swallow, and I didn’t feel any better about it now then I did then.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You mean, another?” They chuckle with a small chirping noise.

“Yeah, that. How...how are you coping so well with this?” I ask. “No offense and all, but you have literal holes in your body and anatomy that…”

“Looks like a monster?”

“No! I mean...a little scary--er...fine, yes, a bit!” I stumble over my words.

“Least you’re honest about it.” They adjust their sitting position a bit before replying, thinking the question through a bit I assume. “It’s a bit complicated I guess. I mean, don’t get me wrong, on some level I’m still panicking and screaming whenever this weird body does something new, but this body? The way I am now? This is far less of a monster than I used to be. Can you imagine looking like a monster? Feeling like one every single day? You walk around and no one seems to notice the horror that you feel when you see yourself? Everyone just thought it was normal, like a little kid yelling about a monster in the closet. But this one was real, tangible, physical. And no one can see it but you.”

“Sounds like a nightmare.” I reply. “And trust me, I’ve had a few.”

“When you live a life where you aren’t comfortable in your own skin, one body isn’t much from another. The difference now is that what I am, monster or not, feels like me. Yes, I have holes, but they are my holes. I have a tail and hooves, but they don’t feel wrong. I’m scared, I’m confused, not to mention terrified, but I’m content. This is still better than what I was.”

“I thought I was happy with what I was...but now?” I raise up my left arm to let them see the changes. “Now all I can think about is that unicorn. How can a face I’ve never seen before look more familiar than my own reflection? Her name flows out easier than my own. It feels like an entirely new part of me just...exists now. With what we learned in the graveyard I can’t sleep at night. Am I the human? Or am I the pony? Or some mix of the two that will never be happy with whatever they end up being?”

“A word of advice for someone who’s been there. Don’t try to answer it all at once.” They reply. “Be patient with yourself, this stuff isn’t easy. I keep thinking about it too...though I already feel terrible for being implanted the way I was.”

We hear the door open and both tense for a moment before relaxing as we see the nurse from before, Mike is just behind her but seems a bit nervous. Looking at the partially covered window I can see it getting late as they help me back onto the bed. Once the nurse re-attaches the IV drip things start to feel a lot better within just a few minutes though it gives me a bit of a headache.

“I know you probably all want to talk, but you lost a bit of blood from the incident and still need your rest to recover. We’ll try our best to make sure you aren’t disturbed by any unwanted guests while you sleep.”

I can only give her a small nod in reply. With the drugs back in my system and the adrenaline fading my body cries for sleep more than ever. I just hope I’ll get some dreams that don’t make me feel worse than I already do.

Author's Notes:

First off, so sorry on the delay everyone!
Excuses include finals, new job, working double at past job, and family stuff.
I hope to release at least another chapter this month to make up for the absence.

As always thank you for the patience and staying with me through this story. It's always a joy to hear your feedback and comments.

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Inspired by the wonderful Damaged I've started doing a few "Ask X a question." To help answer some reader questions from the perspective of the main characters. Feel free to ask any character a question for a chance at having it answered in the next!

Thank you as always for reading and supporting this little story of mine. Always a big thanks to Alsey for a pre-read and Hyreia for being a supportive friend (Go check out their story "Five Score and One for the Road"). Feel free to hit me up on Discord (Aremna #7250) for a chat anytime.

Comments, as always, are appreciated!