Dear Princess Outranked-by-a-literal-bug,

Today I learned that not everything has to be sexual.

Flutterhush invited me over for tea because she wanted to show me “something private.” I came as fast as I could and then ran to her cottage, but all she actually wanted was my opinion on a book she was writing. It sucked fat tits, but I wanted to suck hers, so I said it had potential.

(She’s now rambling about how inadequate she sometimes feels, so I’m writing this to pretend like I’m still listening. Blah blah blah blah blah. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. Antidisestablishmentarianism. I had to look up how to spell that one. She’s still going. Wow. This might take a while. I’ll just scribble in the corner until she’s done.*)

Your bluebeaned basket case,
Thotlight Stalker

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* Twenty-seven minutes. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she might have issues.

Love, Anon

Author's Notes:

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