Author's Notes:

Letters 61 and 68 for context

Yo Tia,

I’m mad.

There were so many cool things that could have made Zambie, but it ended up being a byproduct of a byproduct of Twilight fucking Sparkle. Lame. Pinkie was also kind of involved because she was a catalyst for all this. And I guess so were you, technically. And maybe me, I don’t know. I’m so mad right now.

Where do I even begin? You remember those two demons Pinkie summoned, Scribbles the Skinless and Dave from Accounting? You remember when Scribbles came back and you nuked him so hard the universe broke a little? (super hot, by the way) Yeah, that was Act 1 of Shitshow: The Musical.

Act 3 started when Pinkie reused the old contract to summon the pair of demons again. Why did we skip Act 2? Because fuck you I do what I want. Pinkie did her thing, but only Dave was summoned because Scribbles doesn’t exist anymore (again, hot). Here’s where the bullshit starts to appear. Since the contract specifically listed Scribbles and Dave as a pair, it was impossible for Dave to fulfill it by himself, meaning he was stuck here until he or Pinkie died (she’s fine, don’t worry). That’s bullshit, right? It gets worse. Demon magic is apparently as arbitrary as pony magic. You’re not allowed to kill or harm whoever made the contract, but it’s perfectly fine to make it easier for them to die.

Dave may be a demon, but he’s not good at planning demises. He’s an accountant with a minor in culinary arts. His original plan was garbage. But lucky for him, someone else came along, told him he had a garbage plan, and then gave him a better one.

Enter Zambie. Zambie was created to destroy anything vaguely Pinkie-shaped. It wasn't targeting her specifically since it stayed in the Everfree, so it was A-okay according to demon logic. Anything that got in the way was just as likely as her to die. Pretty brutal, right? Do you want to guess who made him? If you guessed Twilight, you’re only half right.

This brings us to Act 2, which is the reason I’m mad. One of Twilight’s mirror pool clones escaped and fled into the Everfree, where she holed up in your old castle and started doing necromancy shit. Our Twilight had no idea her clone was involved, so at least there's that. Yeah, by the way, Twilight has apparently been messing around with the mirror pool this whole time. Did you not know? Me neither. She didn’t tell me. She told Trixie. Not me. I’m so fucking mad.

Love, Anon

P.S. - Dave and the clone are both toaster bath now thanks to Luna. She can give you more details when she gets back since she was the one who did the interrogating, but it might be a while before she finishes yelling at Twilight. In the meantime, she keeps her squeeze cheese in a safe at the back of the pantry. It's behind a false panel on the left side, you'll see it if you look close. 8942 to shut off the alarm, 3496 to unlock. Take exactly two cans and hide them somewhere in her own room, please and thank you. I don't ask for much, but I need this right now.

Letter 135

To Princess Celestia,

I write to you in order to express great concern.

I have recently learned of an individual who is widely disliked for reasons which are not readily apparent. Those who speak of him do not use his name, referring to him only as “that guy.” I know very little about him, but several times I have heard it said that one would not want to be him, implying he is not looked upon favorably. I understand the feeling of being unwanted, and it pains me to learn that this feeling is being inflicted upon another. If it is true that no one wants to be him, then perhaps neither does he. If I can meet with this individual, I wish to befriend him.

I have attempted to confide in Anonymous, but he was reluctant to tell me the individual’s name or the reason for his status as a pariah. I believe this is because he holds a concern for my own feelings, because he hugged me and expressed a desire for me to remain pure, as if the knowledge of this individual would harm me in some manner. While I am grateful beyond words to be cared for in such a way, I yearn to extend that care to one who needs it far more. My search has been fruitless so far, but I will not give up.

Stu

Letter 136

Dear

In case haven't noticed, accidentally lost some words. Don't panic, is k. Will wear off soon, maybe days at most. As long as don't talk about, or write to, or talk to at all, really won't even notice missing. Until, focus on duties. Can handle.

Letter 136.1

Could not handle. Need old. Come soon.

Letter 136.2

Dear Princess Sunshiney Hiney,

Good news! Everything is k now, and with no lasting damage to anything I care about. We'll be arriving in Canterlot tomorrow morning because we're taking the train like peasants. By pure coincidence, this gives us time to wait for the chaos to die down so we don't have to deal with the worst of it. We really wanted to get back immediately, honest. It's just that Luna was so tuckered out from teleporting all the way here and using her old lady magic to break the thing,* and we didn't want to put even more strain on her precious little headbone. It's definitely because of that, and not because Anon bribed her with the promise of sharp cheddar squeeze cheese from the human world if she stayed back with us. Oh well, safety first.

Your mythic rare,
Dumb Whisperer

---

* I miss the thing. Talking in funny symbols was fun.

Also, I forgot to mention: Twilight is disappointed in you, and frankly so am I. We specifically requested old, and you sent Luna? By herself? What if she wasn't old enough? For shame, Sunbutt, for shame. Because of this, you will only be getting a single massage from me on your day off. That's right, I was going to give you TWO (2) massages, but your selfish behavior has cost you. I hope you learn from this going forward.

Love, Anon

P.S. - And I was going to make a cake for you, but guess what? You're only getting half now.

Author's Notes:

Context for the thing:
Letter 121
Letter 131