Dear Princess Cell in a Hell,

For some unknown reason, it took my genius ass until now to realize professional wrestling isn’t real.

People have been paying money for a lie. This can’t be allowed to continue. There should be a disclaimer on every advertisement, every ticket, and every piece of merchandise. The people have a right to know. Never mind the fact that they’re all fully aware already, I’m more concerned with making everything more boring and transparent for my own sake. I can’t waste precious brain cells thinking about what I’m seeing, I need to be explicitly told when things are exaggerated for entertainment purposes, otherwise I might get sucked into the magic of the moment and start enjoying myself.

No fun allowed,
The Purple Plague