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6 Friends and Luck

by Vespi

Chapters

How it began

Yo hey everyone, just wanted to say i am making a newer version of 6FL, things will be different but some things will stay the same, i your intrested check it out: /story/21588/6-Friends-and-Luck-%28New-Version%29, every view, like, fav, watch is appreciated

-Vespie


"OJAY!"

"OJAY!"

"OJAY!"

"OOOOOOOOOOJJJJJJJJAAAAAAAAYYYYY!"

"NIKO!" Mike Hoppe screamed out in frustration "Ojay isn't going to come back to you if you go around screaming out his name like a retarded horse"

I couldn’t help but stifle a laugh as Mike Hoppe proceeded to walk around, 1 shoulder drooped screaming "Ojay" with the voice of a bumbling brute.

What were we doing in this forest? Why were we here? Why weren't we playing MW3 (We love Cod)? Nico had a sad dilemma. As it seems Nico's brand new puppy, Ojay, had jumped out of Niko's living room window and ran off into the woods. Although my friends Tyler and Dan believed him I believed it was nothing more than Niko's attempt to do something productive. In my opinion, quick scoping and 360 tomahawks were very productive. For the rest of the walk we saw timid rabbits, brazen dear and this one fat guy who was fishing.

Before Nico could make 1 of his legendary come-backs we found the old trail that lead into the heart of the old forest. The trail reminded me of a story, what was it? O yes! The story how those boys found Les...Las...? Lesid... that cave in France, you know with the paintings!

For a good 15 minutes we walked on this trail, all the way wailing "Ojay" or spending brief moments in-between making one another laugh.

"So Tyler, I guess I owe you what was that 5 dollars?" Started Dan with a wide grin

"Don’t lie you asshole 15 dollars! I got to level 40 in 6 hours" Said Tyler in a sing song voice, Dan was a good guy but had a record to "forget" bets. That and the flow, frankly I don’t like the flow.

Then who was I to criticize? Our entire crews had pros and cons. Let’s start with none other than me. My name is Michael Vespa, wise ass and charming. My fault? If you must know, Not exactly the luckiest guy in the casino. When someone does some petty mischief I am always the one caught red handed? We steal a cookie from the cafeteria, I always end up getting caught. We leave without permission, im always the first guy to get yelled at. I could have a lot worse faults, so it's safe to say im the all-rounder in the inner circle.

Then there was Dan, Dan was a blond haired soccer player, and basketball player. He doesn't have many faults, besides his occasional sprees of being aggravating and the fact he'd rather slide out of a bet then pay it. Frankly though Dan despite those flaws was okay as a part of the crew.

Next on the roaster is the swaggish (<= Real word) leader of everyone. He was a basketball player like Dan, but lacked the genes to play sports year round. Mikes main problem was his lying binges. He has been known to stir troubles with his lies. Not exactly cause trouble but start it, then again if you need a laugh he’s there.

Number 4, Conor O'Neil. Shorter than average and freckles everywhere. If you ask me he can be funny as hell or somewhat crazy. He is known to have random "spasms" of excitement when he would run around, become jittery, or in some cases totally insane. I will not go into what happened at last year’s party Catillion, for I am better than that.

Last, but not least was Tyler Martin. Tyler resembled Dan in his long blond hair but was nowhere near in his ability to play sports, Tyler actually wrestles but everybody knows he would quit if his dad gave him the chance. Tyler is an expert hell raiser, and class clown. Finding exciting adventures for us, or in some cases entire days of laughing at someone pain is his favorite hobby, he’s the organizer. But that was how he rolled, that's how Tyler Martin rolled.

Sorry, I am a fool, for who can forget Nico? Nico was 2nd in command, always intrepid in the face of danger. Nico and I first met at my good friend Alex's barmitza (Barmitzfa?) and we became fast friends. i will not lie, I was categorized as a "sped" or "uncool" person back then, that is before i became a friend of everyone.

We were all 13, living in New Jersey; most of us (excluding Tyler) had good grades ranging from Nico's As to my B-s. Our small little town was perfect in every single way. Large enough that you had friends and you weren’t always stuck inside, but small enough so you can play sports and have spontaneous adventures.

"AND that is why dolphin diving is lethal" said Conor, finishing his rants. I chose the right moment to phase out of reality.

"Okay, we get in Conor; you have a smaller dick then everyone so you use big words and classy sentences. To make us feel stupid." Replied Mike

Before Conor could say something back something glimpsed his eye.

"Dude! Look at that! Pointing to a cluster of leaves; at first we didn't know what he was talking about, and I saw Tyler ready to give him a slap on the head. Then we all saw the edge of something; a door into the Earth? It was a door alright, but who would have a cellar in the middle of the forest?

"Want to go in?" I asked

"As we said in Germany Warum zum Teafel nacht" said Nico with a grin; forgot to mention, Nikos German.

I began to try and find a place to cling onto the door; I finally found an opening where the leaves were not hiding the entrance. With the help of Tyler and Mike we began slowly to pull the door open slowly, every second showing more and more of the entrance. It was perfectly nice, decorated door; leading downwards, in the middle of a forest. When I mean nicely decorated I mean like a fancy door with ornate patterns etched into it.

Conor opened it with a bow "After you gentlemen"

We all walked in not expecting what was about to happen.

This wasn't just some type of basement, in the middle of nowhere. It was a HOUSE, in the middle of nowhere.

"Jesus what is this place?" Asked Tyler, it seems everyone was as excited as I was

"No clue, maybe an old storage room, or something" Said Conor trying to reassure Tyler

Fact, this was no storage unit. It was a house. It was lavishly furnished with oriental rugs and beautiful wooden furniture. I hope the owner was long gone, in the confusion at first (before we bothered to turn on the lights) Tyler knocked over a lamp and I (Don’t ask why) kicked a hole in the wall. Besides that the owner could also thank us for the mud, if he was still alive to care.

"Dam this is a nice house!" Said Nico, feet up on a nearby coffee table while he admired the excellently furnished house.

"Yup, be a nice place if it wasn't in the middle of nowhere." I said

We walked around a little; we found a bedroom, a kitchen, a bathroom (With running water and everything), a living room and a small room that acts like a foyer.

Then we found a steep set of stairs, there was almost no light whatsoever. It was leading to what seemed like a basement. At first the door was closed but whoever this guy was left a crowbar just lying around, lucky day?

When we first entered the basement we couldn't believe what we saw. Candy! In front of was a massive crate (Crate not box) of candy! Tyler and Mike were the first to use the crowbar to open the box. Frankly we were all very hungry; we were after all that walking. It was mildly disturbing that you could find a crate of candy (Which was produced in 1937) in a abandoned house in the middle of nowhere. Everyone else seemed to not care though.

Nico on the other hand had a paranoid moment, second he saw all that candy he ran over and began questioning everyone.

"Are you guys seriously going to eat candy you've found in a creepy house in the middle of the woods?"

"Dam right!" Conor said with a chuckle eating a kit-kat, that stuff was probably going to make Conor sick.

Then something happened to Mike, he became ghost pale and looked like he was choking almost.

"God dammit Mike are you choking on your tongue-" but before Dan could finish the sentence he became pale too and dropped to the floor.

Jesus what was happening? Everything was a blur; all my friends were now down on the floor or in the process of dropping down like wilted flowers. Jesus was it poisoned? Were we all going to die at age 13 in the middle of the forest; from 70 year old candy?

I couldn't stand much longer; I put my hand up against the wall in an attempt to steady myself. Everything was becoming harder and harder to see, I was already half out when I heard in a heavy Russian accent

"Note to self, add more incapacitating agent to the gas, 1 subject is still standing"

Before I could reply I was hit on the back of the head with a 2 by 4 and was down and out in an instant; some welcome party.

I was the first to wake up, all six of us where in a room; some kind of room with just chairs and a table. How did I get here? I couldn't remember a thing, 1 by 1 my friends woke up and I had the honor to listen to their reactions, quote

"Holy shit what happened?" -Nico

"How did we get here?" -Tyler

"Who took my dam candy?" - Dan

We all woke up with what seemed to be the same symptoms, nausea, rage, and no memory but mainly fear.

Then I remembered that voice, that Russian voice; casually calling out to us.

"Im sorry to tell you children but I have zero tolerance for trespassers, so I think you owe me something in return"

"Please let us leave, ass rape Conor!" Mike Hoppe screamed, I wasn't sure if he was joking or serious

The Old Russian let out an ominous laugh

"Relax, I am not that insane, I need some test subjects"

We all looked at each other, all of us unsure what to say.

"For, for what?" I asked, assuming Mike role of a leader

"To test out something very, very different then you could possibly imagine" Replied the Russian

"For what?!?" persisted Nico, finally recovering from fear.

"You will see, you will all"

"Stop with the bullshit!" Said Mike, o my god I could tell he was going to do something really dumb

"Excuse me?" Asked the old man in surprise

"Do it" I was right, Mike is an idiot.

"Really?"

"Yea, come on you got the balls?" this wouldn't end well I thought.

"Seriously? You want a mad scientist to pull this lever over here and send you to your fate?!?" The old man was beginning to sound aggravated.

"Mike shut up!" I said

"Calm down Vespi, I got this" Mike said in a reassuring voice

"Last chance, you don't think I’ll pull this lever?" The Russian walked over to a large red lever, he began typing into a computer of some sort.

"DO IT! Come at me bro!" Mike said in a loud intimidating scream.

The Russian shrugged and said "good luck, also please don’t die yet" before pulling down on the lever

Before we knew it a giant vortex of some sort formed in the middle, sucking in first Conor, then Nico, then me, then Dan, then Tyler and finally Mike, the Russian came at us, bro.

Whatever happened in the next 30 minutes is impossible to say. We were in a giant free fall, as if we all jumped off a giant cliff. We all began screaming, everything around us was purple, white, pink, a mish-mosh of colors that is impossible to disguise, it was like being in a never ending elevator while high. We screamed for 10 straight minutes, until our screaming trailed off. By minute 20 of free fall we were all talking about what was happening, in shaky voices of course.

"Mike" I said with a loud sigh "YOU ARE A FUCKING RETARD!"

"Dude this isn't so bad. It could be a lot worse"

"Mike" Tyler said "What is normal about this next sentence? We are falling in a giant vortex or something after a Russian guy locked us in a room and pulled a lever that made a giant purple-ass vortex in the middle of the floor. And do you know why? BECAUSE YOU SAID COME AT ME BRO LIKE A RETARD!"

"Okay this is bad, really bad" Mike said, finally realizing what he had done "Maybe it won't be that bad."

"Yea maybe we will all die quickly." Said Dan with a wry chuckle

Before Mike could reply we all at once looked down to see the endless fall was about to end, there was pitch whiteness below.

All we could utter was basically our animal instincts at work, pretty much what any sane human would say in our sitation.

"SSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT"

Then we hit the white

Welcome to Equestria

"O my god, o my god, o MY FREAKING GOD!" Conor was screaming

I was up in a second, we were all in the same room as before, now it just had beds and was more heavily furnished with a clock, fireplace, table, and other things, the old room had only 6 chairs for us.

But call me insane, call me high, call me insanely high, but Conor wasn't a human. He was a pony.

"Holy shit Conor! What’s going on?" I asked, was I a pony too?

"I DONT KNOW MAN I DONT KNOW! WHY ARE WE ALL PONIES?!" Conor was now almost having a seizure; at leastly he had a reason. Wait? Why are we all? I didn't see my normal white hands. I saw 2 red hooves, I was a pony.

At this point I and Conor’s screaming woke up everyone else, who in turn became screaming swell. We were all quick to blame Mike.

"Why do you guys keep blaming me?" Mike said sheepishly

"Because of you we are all ponies! WE ARE PONIES!" Tyler screamed

"Colorful ponies" I said with a chuckle "Very colorful ponies". And I was right.

Our 6 ponies weren't your normal bland tan/brown horses you see in stables, we were very colorful and we all had distinct features. I was a crimson pony, nothing really different other than that. I had a black mane and tail, when I ran over to the mirror I couldn't help but notice something. 1 my normal eyes were brown; in this world it seems my eyes were blue. Also I couldn't help but notice I had a... how should I say this without offending the younger viewers? Know what? Never mind.  

Dan still had his long yellow hair; his hair nonetheless was a little shorter than before, 1 amazing thing I instantly noticed. Dan had wings, wings on a pony! His coloring was a dark blue body coat with his blond tail and mane. It reminded me of that French sign of royalty.

Tyler sadly like me didn't have wings. His color was a dark green, and his mane (Although his normal hair was blond like Dan’s) was black like mine. He also had an eye color change like me, his eyes were normally blue, but now they were hazel.

Nico, like Dan had wings, must be an alpha jock thing? He also had a lighter shade of blue then Dan’s. His mane was a strange combination of red and orange and black. His wings also as it seems were somewhat stronger then Dan's. Well if I can see it without him showing it I guess Nico would become a pretty dam good flier.

Conor looked surprisingly like his old self, minus the freckles. His mane and tail was its normal black but his body color was tan. Conor as you may have guessed was off the walls right now, I still can't figure out if it was because of fear, or the trill of adventure.

I couldn't help but laugh at Mike. His body color was white, and his main/tail was orange (opposite of what Mike Hoppe looked like before). That wasn't the only thing though. Unlike the rest of us, mike had a horn! Swaggin Mike was now a unicorn, nice.

"Okay I guess I speak for everyone when I say, what the hell happened? I asked.

"Yea seriously, what happened?" Dan noticed my wings "Nice! let’s get out of this room before something weird happens." Dan motioned towards the door.

"1 second gentlemen!" It was that dam Russian

"What did you do to us?" I asked listening to this Old Russian talk enraged me.

"Project BRONY was a success! Very well done gentlemen, you may do whatever you want now!"

"Okay send us home now" I said anything to get back to normal.

"Sounds good to me boys! Let me activate the return protocols!" In the background we heard typing, buttons being pressed and the Russians mumbling; which followed into the Russian’s cursing.

"O dear," Said the Russian in a doctor's voice "Dear, dear, dear"

"What is it? What's wrong? Conor said, Nico finally managed to stop Conor from bouncing off the walls, for the moment at leastly.

"The return protocols have been tampered with! No! NO THIS CANNOT BE! Listen boys," The man’s voice changed to a father’s caring voice. "Something is very wrong, I will fix it, but it will take time. Do whatever you want, for all I care go loot and rape and kill! I am going to fix this, call in my helpers and we will get you home."

I shrugged my shoulders "if you promise to get us back soon I guess I can live as a pony for an hour or 2"

"Excellent! My men will be here shortly and the problem will be corrected! Also one last thing" The Russian’s voice changed again into rage "If you see Alexander Heinz, tell him he is dead; DEAD!"

The Russians voice stopped. Who was Alexander Heinz?

"Alrighty guys" Said mike, he was back in leader position "Let's go explore!"

We all walked through the strange underground house and began to open the door, with 1 mighty kick of mine it opened violently.

Pony land here we come.

A blast of fresh air hit us as the door opened and we walked outside as circumspect as possible. We were in the middle of a giant forest full of massive evergreens; it looked as if we were in a giant maze, made to never be finished.

"So anyone have any idea how we are going to find a place with food and peoples and stuff?" Tyler asked, always thinking about everyone’s future, everyone except his own.

The Russian’s voice came out of nowhere "Sorry to drop in guys, last time, I just wanted to give Vespi a map so you all don't die in this forest"

Mike spoke up "Wait why does Vespi get the map? I'm the gang's leader!"

The Russian gave a chuckle

"Son Vespi is obviously the leader, why you ask? Because Vespi talks back, all you do is get angry and talk like I shoved my fist up your flank." No one knew what a flank was besides left and right flanks in Modern Warfare

"Um, what is a flank?" Asked Conor, saving everyone else the embarrassment

"Ahh yes! Since you all are in Equestria (That's its name) you should learn your pony vocab! Remember stuff like

Flank = Ass

Everypony = Everybody

Mare/Stallion = Girl/Man

Well here’s your map Vespi, good luck to all of you I’ll update you when it is necessary and I promise not to stalk you, do whatever ponies do! Good luck!" just like that the Russian man's voice was gone, and at that very moment a map just appeared right into my hooves along with a little haggard knapsack

And you thought 5 star hotels had good service?

I looked down at the map and was surprised. Equestria as it seems, is massive, I saw we were in the sphere of influence of the throne in Equestria, the closest town was a small village by the name of "Ponyville" exactly 15.3 miles northeast, walking that is pretty far. I then just realized, I wasn't looking at the global map, I was looking at the regional map, if I had a global map I thought it would take up an entire wall!

"Okay guys we got some time until we get into the nearest town, so let’s get walking!" I said

"Lead the way Sarge." Said mike with a salute, I guess he wasn't too upset about being dethroned.

We were walking for a long time in silence. But before long Nico began humming an old world tune (What I began to call Earth) I could never remember the name though. What was it called? O yea! It was Smash mouth's "Walking on the sun". At first I and Nico just hummed, mainly to aggravate Tyler. But before long we all got the tune and began humming, then we all began singing the song at full blast. After that song and the following 6 others we began talking about this so called "Equestria" We were all curious on how it would be like? How would we survive? How would things work out? How attracted would you be to a mare? We bickered, debated, laughed and we all agreed on the answers

How would we survive?

Earn a living rent a house and live, then again it shouldn't be that long, right?

How would things work out?

I guess if we don't piss them off they won’t piss us off.

What is this all about?

I don’t know

Before we knew it we had 12 miles under our belts, nonetheless we were all getting tired, and we were even burning through our adventure adrenaline.

"Don’t worry everypony we'll rent a night at the inn or whatever they have and wake up tomorrow and see what we can do." I reassured them

"Screw an inn, when we divide the money im saving mine, Vespi you can go sleep happily in your inn im sure we can find some abandoned place somewhere, right?" everyone else nodded; so much for running off with all the cash.

What I thought at first was a massive amount of cash when divided into 6 groups isn't as big as it seems. Nonetheless I would have enough cash for my needs and pleasures.

We finally made it into town; we were so tired we didn't bother to notice anything. We all shook hooves at the center of town and for the night we went our separate ways. We all promised though to meet there again. I bought myself at a small Inn in the center of town called the "The Stable", drank several beers (I guess ponies don't have an age limit to drink) and went to my room.

I was about to fall asleep until I noticed my neck was feeling heavier than usual. I had forgotten about seeing what else was in the knapsack. I emptied it out to find some extra cash I had forgot about and a note, it read

Dear Vespi,

I hope you read this letter because I fear the worst. This isn't a small thing with the protocols, I have no clue on how long this will take to fix. It might go unfixed for years. All I can promise at this moment is that I will try. I didn't want to break all your spirits like that, make you feel like you were all doomed like this. So I just dropped you this note, I hope you will understand I just wanted to help you, good luck Michael

Oh he remembered my name

And I hope you will enjoy Equestria, maybe when you are older and back human I can tell you the story of project BRONY over some whiskey? Good luck, tell your friends I wish them all good luck as well, even mike.

-Boris (The scientist)

Years? Project BRONY?

Normally I would of been scared stiff, but I fell in my bed before the words connected.

Rarity in housing

I woke up the next day better rested then I thought, I yawned and got out of my bed. At first I didn't remember much, for a split second I even forgot about being a pony, but eventually everything came back. Then the Russian’s voice came back. Just in time for me to trip over a random bucket


"Good morning Vespi! Sleep well? Just wanted to tell you the cutie mark Protocol K4F4Z1 is activated it took me a little bit to go through all my old notes but I found it." The Russian said did the guy even go to bed?

"Okay, just 2 questions I have now" I said "1. What happened to leaving us alone? And 2; what is a cutie mark?

"Sorry, sorry I just wanted to tell you this so when you see a picture on your flank you don't go asking ponies what it is making an ass of yourself" He got me there "A cutie mark is a picture on a ponies flank, when a girl or guy gets 1 it is considered a step into adulthood. The cutie mark is always a picture of a pony’s passion in life; it can be anything, a baseball, pie, and shotgun. It basically shows what the pony will grow up to be."

"I see, so about leaving me alone" Why so serious you ask? I don’t want some random Russian scientist looking at me 24/7.

"Okay seems fair enough, this isn't communist Russia anymore. I'll leave you to be when you are doing whatever this generation does, what would that be? Drinking? Partying? Cursing? I don’t care.”

"Eyup" I said, moving towards the mirror to check out my new cutie mark.

Frankly I liked it, but it wasn't exactly that creative. It was a red V with a white background, the cutie mark (Fortunately) was in perfect harmony with my body coloring.

"Very creative" I said, hoping the Russian was there to respond

"I can't control it, why? Were you expecting a giant wang or something?" This Russian was a true child at heart; and now you know what I meant from before.

"Okay then, I have to go, good luck working on the dilemma"

"I'll keep you informed; Drunken Russian over and out!"

I wasn't about to forget my meeting with my friends just over a cutie mark. I tossed the old knapsack over my back and headed towards the Ponyville Plaza. When I was only a block away I heard some pony clear their voice and tap me on the shoulder. I turned around to see a white unicorn with a beautiful purple mane and tail. Her eyes looked like two priceless diamonds gleaming in the sunlight.

"Hello there I apologize on interrupting you, but I couldn't help but notice your beautiful knapsack. Me being a stranger and all, do you mind if I was to purchase this bag?" She said,

This knapsack wasn't exactly beautiful. It looked old and beat up; it looked as though that Russian had used it during his time in the red army, or in the KGB or whatever. Then again it’s not like I’m going to be using it for anything special.

"Sure I don't mind" Let’s see where this goes I thought.

"Marvelous! This will be perfect for a new outfit I am forming. How much would you like for it?"

"I think 25 would do or 15 and your name" Flirting was something that was never very hard for me; I guess that's why all my friends told me I have a golden tongue, and that I should be a diplomat.

The beautiful pony giggled "Rarity and that seems like a perfect price. I'll be right back, I just need to get some money from my boutique, it is right next door, stay right here please!" She went running off into a small store, before the door even closed she came running out again. Bag of money in hand

"Here you go" I said handing her the knapsack.

"Thank you, not that it’s any of my business but are you new in town?"

"Yup me and my friends just moved here" I’m obviously not going to tell her from where.

"Really?" She said with a small smirk "Then I guess Pinkie Pie will have to give you guys a house warming party, you have a house now right?"

Crap "Actually no, we came here on an impulse, but we will get one, wait who is Pinkie Pie?"

"Pinkie Pie is that giggly earth pony that is always bouncing around, giving the newcomers house parties, making cupcakes, that kind of stuff. If you were to get a house I’d advise you just take the old Calibri house. He passed away 6 months ago, the mayor has the deed though, if you can help her out a little bit I’m sure you can get the deed though." She gave me a small smile “maybe I would be able to see you a lot more then”

Perfect, I’ll do something for the mayor (Or if it comes to that peer pressure Dan into doing it) take the deed and wait for everything to work out.

"Great! I'm running late for a meeting now, but I’ll have to talk to you again!" I said with a smile, planning everything out in my head.

"Great!" she said it with the exact amount of enthusiasm has me "I can't wait for your house warming party, thanks to Pinkie Pie there always nice parties" She gave me a wink and we both shared a laugh.

"Sounds great, see you soon then!"

She began walking back into her store; the second the door shut I heard the obnoxious cheering (possibly jeering)from none other than my friends

"Yea buddy!" they all screamed out in unison before I could even turn around.

A little part of jersey everywhere.

"Yea buddy!"

"Yea buddy!"

"Yea Buddy!"

"Alright guys you have been saying yea buddy for 15 minutes now, I think I get the picture" I said, it actually was 15 minutes, for the last 5 minutes I thought I was turning schizophrenic.

"Sorry, but anyways last time, yea buddy!" Conor said hooves rose in happiness.

I looked down and noticed all of their cutie marks; it seems the Russian had all talked to them about the cutie marks as well. Dan's was a basketball, Tyler had an American flag, Conor had a brownie (???), Michael had a silver star, and Nico had a raven. Lucky bastards, all of their cutie marks were more creative than mine, but the only 2 I really understood was basketball playing Dan and republican Tyler.

"So guys how was sleeping in the woods like?" I asked

"Pretty good, Dan stabbed a hobo pony but other than that just dandy" Mike said with a wide awake smile.

"Bastard had it coming, he barfed all over my cash" Dan said in his own defense; showing a bag of cash drenched in sickly green barf

"Not really, he just asked if you could spare some change" Conor said, Conor was always telling the truth.

"Alright guys I have a plan on how we can get a house without paying for anything, if any of you were listening it seems the mayor has a deed to a house in Ponyville we do something for her and we get the deed in return. Sounds good?"

"Not It!"

"Not It!"

"Not It!"

"Not it!"

"Not it!" I said, not this game

"Wait what? GOD DAMMIT!" Nico said, note to viewers: Only phase out when you can't possibly screw up.

"Well let’s see what she wants us to do before we play this game" I said, everyone nodded.

We began walking towards the mayor’s office in Ponyville. It was a nice large structure, made out of wood like all the other buildings, with some stone that formed a beautifully maintained courtyard. We walked straight into the mayor’s office, she was an elderly women sitting next to a desk full with papers; her small glasses submerged into a book of the town’s progress this year probably.

"Hey hello there we were curious if there was any way we could get the deed to the Calibri house, anything you need done?" I said

""Hmmmm” the old pony said "You wouldn't happen to know anything about espionage do you?"

"Sorry we don’t speak Spanish" I said, espionage is Spanish right? Then it hit me; do they even Have Spain here in Equestria?

"I see I’m sorry then there’s nothing else I need done" She said in a sad voice.

"Welllllll" Mike Hoppe said, let’s see what he has "Dan is kind of into you..."

"MIKE FUCK YOU!" Dan said; I bit my lip until it nearly bled trying to stop from laughing, if no one laughed this might actually work.

"You don't say?" The mayor was now looking at Dan with a lusty look.

***

We sat outside patiently for a while; from inside we could hear the two whispering. Eventually we heard Dan say

“Wait what? No fuck no! NOO!”

Then we heard a punch thrown, a crash, and finally muffled screaming … poor bastard

We waited outside for a good 20 minutes, then Dan walked out with the deed in his hand. Before he even said a word he walked over to mike and kicked him right in-between the eyes with surprising precision. Even though Mike was now on the ground he was still laughing so hard I thought he would explode. We all began laughing so long that Dan finally broke down and began to laugh too.

"Thanks for taking the hit buddy" Mike said with a slap on the back.

Dan got serious again "You owe me Mike, you seriously owe me."

"Alright man! Trust me! You have the deed and keys and everything?" Mike asked

"Yea everything is here, excuse me." Dan ran over to the restroom and we all heard several barfing noises before Dan walked outside.

"Weird, I swear to god the next time I am doing that is with someone I WANT TO DO IT WITH!" Dan said hyper ventilating; let’s pray to god doing the mayor of Ponyville didn't scar him too much.

"Alright guys let's kill the conversation and get back to the house, im sure Dan will need to sit on a doughnut."

And everyone began laughing fanatically again.

"So how was it?" Tyler asked, we were seriously still laughing

the First Party

"And that is why I am so pissed off at you Mike" Said Dan, Dan would not, could not stop talking about how Michael has thrown Dan to the lions, the lions of course being a horny elderly mayor. If you ask me though I think that Dan was over it, he just felt like he was the victim, wait he was the victim, okay scratch that last paragraph Dan has every right to be mad at Mike. But what would be worse; Dan getting laid; Or international espionage? And I know that I cannot speak Spanish; good.

"Well at leastly we are going to be home soon" I patted Dan on the back "Thanks for getting raped for all of us"

"Well thanks I guess, now I need to just relax for the night."

We walked down Main Street and opened the door.

All the lights were out; I groped (not like that) the wall and found the light switch. Normally abandoned houses don't have people in them; well this house had 50 ponies in it, with balloons, party hats, food and music. I thought I could hear Dan’s soul shatter when he saw everything, so much for a relaxing night.

"SURRPRISE!" wailed a little pink pony, o my god, this must be Pinkie Pie. She was pink fluffy pony; with a massive smile that went from 1 side of the room to the other. I understood her cutie mark immediately, she was a party queen.

"Do you like it huh huh huh huh?" Since Conor was the first to enter the room Pinkie Pie grabbed him pointing to everything with insane excitement

"Here are the balloons!"

"Here is the food!"

"AND here are the cupcakes!"

Conor gave her and aggravated look "But, I like brownies."

"Wha-what?" The pony looked stunned

"Yea, I’d prefer brownies." Everyone grew silent, the pink pony looked decimated.

"Fine, I’ll be right back no one move a muscle! DON’T MOVE A MUSCLE DARK BLUE PEGASUS!"

"What the fuck did I do?" Said Dan, half scared, half annoyed

But before he could reply pinkie Pie ran outside, in 5 minutes she ran in with brownies.

"BROWNIES!" Conor said clapping his hooves

"BROWNIES!" Pinkie Pie said mimicking him, aww cute couple.

For 5 minutes everyone awkwardly fumbled around until a pony ran from the john and turned on a nice techno beat, some of the ponies began dancing on a makeshift dance floor, me? I just waited, maybe Rarity would come. And as though a baby Jesus (As you can probably tell from the cursing and loose moral I’m not very connect to religion) answered my prayers I got a tap on the shoulder, turning around it was none other than Rarity, looking even more beautiful than before.

"Hey Rarity! Thanks for throwing me this party!" I said

"O darling please I didn't lift a finger" Rarity was blushing "I just passed the word to pinkie Pie, she loves to throw parties; it is her favorite thing on Earth”

I couldn't deny that it seemed as though all the guys were having a nice time.

"You got me there, I'm going to get something to drink, want something?"

"An Applejack Daniels would be nice you better not drink it on the way back" She said with a giggle, pointing a hoof at me

"Me please? You should learn, Michael Angelo Vespa is a gentleman."

"Ahah! So that your name, you didn’t state your name before, your quite the gentlemen indeed."

It was my turn to blush "Ehh what can I say, Michael Angelo Vespa is sometimes stupid, but you can call me Vespi."

"Vespi that’s such a nice nickname.” She was about to say something else but Nico ran in and whispered in my ear that they needed me.

"Sorry work calls I’ll be right back beautiful."

Shit, too fast?

"I hope you do" She said with a wink.

Never mind

I walked outside expecting anything.

What was wrong? Had someone been robbed? Hurt? Killed? I ran outside with Nico hearing obscenities all the way. My entire gang of friends (Except Dan who was nowhere to be seen) were cursing at 4 other ponies all dressed in dark blue suits and all of them pegasus.

"O yea I’m going to kick your ass you faggotish unicorn!" Screamed what seemed to be their leader.

"What’s going on here?" I asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

"WHATS GOING ON HERE?" howled the angry pegasus "THIS PUNK ATE MY BROWNIE!"

"Dude it was on the big plate you retard" Conor said, with the tone of an older kid talking to a younger sibling. "Besides you touch Vespi I’m going to stab the shit out of you"

........what

"Really come at me bro!" said the enraged pegasus waving his hoof fists in the air. I knew right at that moment that this will not end well, so I launched my very own pre-emptive strike.

I walked inside real quick before being noticed and got a beer and walked outside; when it comes to fighting there isn’t such a thing as too dirty.

"Hang on" I said with a hand motion, with a slight of hand I chugged the beer I could of sworn I saw the Blue pegasus’s mouth drop right open, looking at the bottle I said

"Much better"

With that smile on my face the pegasus would have had no idea what would have happened next; You guessed what happened next? I smashed the beer bottle right on his head, a stronger pony would of punched me by now, a weaker pony would of fell down, and a luckier pony would of dodged it; But this guy? He just stood there and dropped on 1 knee, 3 against 5 wasn't a real challenge, at first it was a straight on fist fight, we were all breaking even, Except Conor who got smashed; then Conor pulled out his knife (Remember Conor always told the truth) and tried to take a slash at one of his opponents, but wisely he yielded.

"Okay man, come on these mares aren’t worth our time, don't worry Soarin you’re going to be okay!"

The other 3 pegasus’s all then crowded around there friend, Soarin. The guy had some glass in his head but didn’t look that battered.

“What happened?” He said half awake

We were walking away as the rest of his friends were comforting their friend.

Now we had adrenaline and party hype. The entire party was a good time; Dan was talking to a rainbow pegasus named "Dashie" as he called her; and Conor was talking to Pinkie Pie about the art of making cupcakes and brownies. There was plenty of party games as well, ranging from pin the tail on the pony, to your average truth or dare stupidity, I’m pretty sure Mike got slapped numerous times through that.

I was about to refill my beer when I caught Rarity at a corner, I was so aloof at the moment I nearly fell on her, but luckily my sloth like reflexes saved me from a extremely awkward situation

"Hey Vespi! I was looking for you, we were going to play spin the bottle, care to join?" She said, perfect timing, I was drunk enough to be extra charming, but not drunk enough to have my breath smell like beer and slur my speech.

"Sure!" I said, I couldn't really explain it at the moment, hell I doubt I’ll be able to explain it in 10 years, but Rarity was probably the most beautiful person or pony I had ever seen. She had a beautiful marshmallow coat and a beautiful purple mane and tail. Her cutie mark were 3 beautiful diamonds in an ornate fashion, she had a beautiful smile and an even more beautiful ass. If angels could be on Earth, but be in Equestria, and be a pony Rarity would be one.

I followed her down into the basement, there were maybe 8-10 ponies including us actually participating and maybe 5 spectating or coming and leaving. Of all my friends the only 1 that was actually playing, Dan, always a player; my other friends were just standing around sometimes leaving to refill there beers or find someone who did something hilarious.

Me and Rarity sat down next to each other. We sat there for maybe 5-6 turns before Pinkie Pie noticed me; she gave Rarity an obvious wink and announced

"Hey everypony lets make things interesting, screw normal spin he bottle, anyone up for 7 minutes in heaven?" She gave Rarity an obvious wink again; everyone clapped or said yes, lucky timing perhaps?

I see now, all a nice little trick! Then again why should I care? It’s not like she’s a grenade (She’s the exact opposite) or really really really slutty or drunk.


Me and Rarity waited several turns, which added up to 35 minutes, every time Pinkie Pie would open the door everyone couldn't help but laugh at the surprised ponies inside, but nothing to extreme happened, we heard laughing and giggling sometimes but nothing really else. Eventually I left for maybe a minute to refill my beer; I was surprised to see an Orange Earth Pony arguing with a bigger Red stallion arguing about who would go get more of the stuff from their farm.

Turn 6, the bottle slides across the wooden floor, it landed directly on me; my heart skipped a beat

Please be Rarity, please be Rarity, and please be Rarity. I thought, I’ll be frank; I liked her, all I could do was flirt and pray.

Again my prayers were answered; maybe my luck wasn’t that bad after all. The bottle began to slow and aimed directly towards, Rarity. There were the normal "Ooos" from the audience but frankly I didn't care, and I could tell Rarity wasn't dismayed either, if anything she was bursting with excitement, doing her best to calm herself; just like me.

We both walked into the small closet and the Pinkie Pie closed the door behind us with a smile that just screamed "Enjoy being in a dark closet for 7 minutes".

The door was closed, and Rarity made the first move.

Before I could even react Rarity opened her mouth and gave me a delicious kiss, at first I was in shock, and accidently hit my head against the wall; giving out a loud thump. I even heard Dan from outside mumble something about borrowing his doughnut. But then realized that my wish had come true; I opened my mouth to receive her tongue, it was the most amazing kiss I had had. Once or twice I felt her feel around my genitals, and it did the same in return. At one point I took my right hoof and rubbed her clit passionately, she gave out a soft moan, at first I was circumspect (At any moment I was expecting to hear "yea buddy") but in a couple of minutes she was moaning without end, but at this time I didn't care since I knew everyone heard us. At one point when I entered her with my hoof she screamed "Oh Vespi!" and I heard Mike’s notorious laugh trail on for a couple seconds.

I think it was minute 3 or 4 when Rarity spoke up

“Sooooooo?” Rarity said with a grin

"Yea?"

"How is it?” She asked trying her best not to laugh, I couldn’t stop though

"Good." I said “How was it for you?”

“Good” She said, I heard from outside “Hey Vespi! This isn’t retard talk show! Do something!

"Try and stop me" I said, I dropped down onto my knees and Rarity opens her haunches to reveal her vagina; it was a surprising moment for me, I really had no idea I would end up acting this brazen. I opened my mouth and licked it, for some reason I could of sworn it tasted like someone dripped sugar over a hamburger. Rarity at first managed to keep her moaning down to a whimper now and then. But after only 30 seconds she couldn't resist any more, then again I doubt I would ever meet a woman ( Or mare) who could.

At first I was new to Rarity's reactions but after some time I learned what made her feel the best and what made her moan the loudest. It was all trial and error, but as long as I was pleasuring her I was happy, because it made her happy, very, very happy. Then I found her ultimate favorite. I genteelly bit down on her clitoris (Amazing how your perception increases when you are piss drunk) she jumped in pleasure, I stayed on it biting down gently over and over again. Rarity could not contain herself she moaned and giggled some more, I tried my best to not bite too hard; when I tried that she jumped and slammed her head against the wall; maybe a minute before letting out a long "Ohh yes!" and having her orgasm. I heard jaws drop form outside.

Luckily for me she was a generous person, "Your turn big boy" she said, she dropped down and opened her mouth, preparing to suck on my penis. The second she touched my cock with her regal lips the door swung open and none other than Pinkie Pie screamed out in an overjoyed voice

"Surprise!"

A surprise indeed, there was me excited as anything and there was Rarity, down on her knees with my penis in her mouth, she was so surprised she forgot to take my penis out of her mouth. I didn't even get to feel anything; bummer.

Everyone stood still for a moment, everyone shocked, and my friends looked as though they saw a ghost. Dan, Tyler and Conor just stood there mouths dropped open, when im mean dropped it looked like it was from some comic strip.

Everyone then came to their senses and I heard a ton of "Ooooo" and "Yea buddy" Rarity gave me a wink and went to go talk to some friends, assuming I’d meet up with her later I went over to my friends. They were all still shocked

"What have you never seen a guy get blown in the closet?" I said with a grin, no one changed their facial expression, I slapped Mike on the head and he jumped.

"Sorry, I was just stunned, son" He said putting his hoof on my back

"I'm proud of you" He said, how many beers does it take to make a retard fatherly?

"Hot dam Vespi!" Dan said with a handshake

"Not half bad" Nico said with a nod.

"Nice" Conor said

"Nice" Tyler said, Conor and Tyler still looked semi-stunned

And just like that I was the hero of the night, every time I would hear my 5 friends talk with guests who had just came, or weren't down in the basement when we were playing 7 minutes in Heaven, every new guest got the same story.

"Yea do you know Vespi? That earth pony over there, we were playing 7 minutes in heaven and when we opened the door there was Rarity kneeling down giving him a blowjob, everyone was like 'Holy shit'! It was hilarious"

Every time just like that.

At around midnight Rarity came over and started a conversation with me

"Hey Vespi! How many times have you heard that same story now?" She said with a grin.

"15 times and counting," I said with a smug grin, I was telling the truth "How many times have you heard it?"

"Something like that, 15 maybe 16 times. I was just heading home and just wanted to say goodbye" She said

“Okay, well good bye” I said

“Maybe you’d like to go drink some coffee or something sometime?” She asked with a grin

“Sure why not” I returned

When she left me and my friends just talked like it was an average day, we were all talking about what we had been doing;

eventually we realized that Dan was missing; even though we didn’t really bother to go find him.

“So I guess we got to clean up now” Mike said with a sigh, trying his best to levitate a broom

“Fuck that I’m going to bed” I said, before Mike could return I ran up the stairs and plopped in my bed

the First Adventure

I was stunned, I really was. I expected to not even find my house, just a slapdash pile of beer bottles, strange smells and damage. But my friends actually cleaned the house. CLEANED! When I woke up everyone was just lying around, Conor asleep on the couch. When Mike greeted me everyone came out of nowhere to say hi.

"Hey man where have you been?" Mike said with a grin

"Asleep where else" I said, “You guys actually cleaned?"

"Only in Equestria" Nico said

"Yup," Mike said "Me, Tyler, Nico and Conor have been cleaning, while Dan has been getting laid."

"I am sorry is Dan’s heterosexuality a problem with you?" I joked "Dan who's house were you at?"

"O, me?" Dan said he was phasing out on the steps to upstairs.

"No Conor, yes you." I said,

"O, you remember that rainbow pegasus?" He said

I nodded

"Yea, her names Rainbow Dash, I got some action in her Cloud house." He said with a sense of pride.

"Cool, us ponies without wings tend to have sex on the ground." I joked

"Blows for you" Dan said.

Dan was about to say something but the Russian voice entered the room, causing everything to move to halt.

"Hello gentle ponies! How's the pony life?" He asked in good-nature

"Good" Mike said

50 bucks he says something stupid

“Dan got pony sex while we cleaned up after the party; and Vespi got head; if that counts, I’m not sure"

O Mike, so easy to remember.

I swear I heard the Russian nod his head (If that was possible) "I know, I was board so I checked up on you guys, I saw Dan putting his wing into Dashie’s-"

"Okay, whoa there we understand." Dan said, trying to spare himself the questions from everyone else, maybe no one was paying attention, maybe.

"Vagina"

Too late

"And afterwards I saw you two under the covers; AGAIN! Good for you 2!" The Russian said with a cackle. “I remember those days when-“

"Thanks man." Dan said embarrassed; managing to cut off the elderly Russian reliving the days of old.

"I didn't come by to bust your balls about what you guys did last night, I came here to talk to you about re-doing that protocol, we are having some problems. Do not worry though my best security and scientists are on it, I’ll keep you guys up to date; drunken Russian out!"

We all stood there for a moment, waiting to see if the Russian was still there, maybe waiting to steal another secret.

"Soooooooooooooo" I said trying to hoax a conversation "Dan you wing fucked Dashie?" I said with a grin


"Dam right" Dan said before everyone laughed so hard we couldn't stop for 10 minutes.


"Okay everybody, I mean everypony what should we do today?" Mike asked

It was a weird feeling now; we were men, well men ponies. We could head to the biggest city, or the smallest town, it gave me a feeling of excitement and adventure it had never felt before; the feeling of freedom. Now only if I didn’t have a conscious…

"Frankly if you ask me I think we should go back to that underground house." Dan said "Maybe find something interesting."

That Russian came out of nowhere again

"Sorry I just did spring cleaning, why don't you do what normal ponies do? Go walk around the forest and find something physical to do."

"Ehh" Conor said "Pinkie Pie taught me how to make brownies before; I want to try it out."

A thought just hit me like baseball; we are going to need names. Not normal names, pony names. You don't see ponies walking around with names like "Nico" or "Dan" they have something that describes them; I explained my theory to the others.

Nico's eyes turned into giant saucers "Balls he is right."

"Okay let’s get picking names" Mike said "Conor you make your brownies and we will come up with a name for you."

"If it’s a gay name so god help me." Conor said.

"Calm down your right here." Mike said, the kitchen was right next to the living room, Conor could hear us talking as though he was right next to us. Nice thing about random houses you get from horny elderly mayors. They come with furniture, and all the family’s crap including depressing mementos is gone.

"Fine fine fine" Conor said "how hungry is everyone?"

We all were starving, so in unison we just said "Make as many as you can" with an impish shrug Conor got to work.

We bickered and fought and discussed for hours, we took a semi-break to eat brownies. It was a semi-break since we were still talking with brownies clogging our mouths.

"Yea I think Royal Royce would be a nice name." Dan would say. “Besides that’s what I told Dashie”

"Sounds pretty gay." Mike would always state.

"Nah man Royce is a boss name." Nico would say, this went on 4 or 5 times until Mike gave up.

"Brown, what kind of a name is that?" Conor would always say, while making more brownies.

"You make brownies right?" I'd say.

"Browns sounds like a black comedian." Conor would always say; Browns was out of the question.

We finally came up with Nico's name, Marble.

"Augustus?” Nico would always ponder.

"Because every other name we came up with was shit." Mike would always say with a chuckle.

"Sure why not, if I hate it I can just be Marv." 3 down 3 to go (Mine was dam obvious).


Conor and Mikes came at the same time.

"How about Courageous C?" Mike asked; Conor jumped in excitement.

"How about MP?" Conor said in a quick combo.

"MP?" Mike asked

"Mike Pride" Conor said; Mike gave a nod of acceptance.

Last was Tyler's

"How about Neon?" Mike asked in a half-assed attempt.

"Why not" Tyler said with a shrug

It took all day but our names were down:


Mike V- Vespi

Mike H- MP

Conor- Courageous C

Tyler- Neon

Dan- Royal Royce

Nico- Augustus


Everything was set. Dan confirmed that Dashie didn't know his real name (Impressive skills) and Rarity knew my name was Vespi, or my nickname at leastly. We spent the next half an hour practicing before the boredom was about to crush us all.

"Let’s go hunting!" Conor said

"With what?" Mike said "We don’t even have hunting knives; and I doubt there is anything good to hunt."

"Let's just go walk into town, find something cool" I offered

"Why not" Mike said with that shrug "Let’s get going; before I die of diabetes" He tossed his last brownie

By the time we got to the heart of Ponyville we were all pretty tired, we had an early dinner at a restaurant and basically spent the rest of the day practicing our new names with aloof ponies. We screwed around a bit, buying apples from the orange pony only to sell them to other ponies for steeper prices.

We found pinkie pie and switched her icings with kerosene (Don’t ask). When she put a candle on one of the cupcakes the entire batch ignited in a massive fireworks display of cupcakes, beautiful.

All of this stuff was good to appease our thirst for adventure for the moment, but we needed a real adventure. Not making explosive cupcakes or screwing people over with apples, and we got our chance.

We saw 2 stallions both in gold plated armor. Both also had a mask screaming "Fear" and "Confusion". Mike Hoppe took the offensive.

"Hey Major Faggot, Colonel Hooker" Mike said with a slight bow.

The 1 pony didn't even have time to smack Mike on the back of the head before his friend could ask us a favor.

"Dam colts, no respect." The old pony grumbled "We need YOUR help."

"Why can't crap effectively anymore?" Mike said and we all stifled laughs.

"No, we have a major problem; very major AND very rewarding." Said the younger pony, major wasn't my favorite word. Rewarding on the other hoof, was a personal favorite.

"Sure, what do you guys need?" Dan said


***

"Backpacks"

"Check"

"Hiking gear"

"Check"

"Brownie"

"Check"

"Extra cash"

"Extra check"

Wow, I was still stunned at how much we were being paid for doing this! 5000 gold coins! That is a lot, maybe 10k back on Earth. What we had to do? simple find a jewel, hidden in a cave.

I still remember how easy the old pony had made it sound

"Okay all you have to do, is find a shiny rock up in a cave. Sounds good?"

We all nodded not paying attention.

"Good, hears some money for equipment and a map. Good luck"

Seriously 5000 gold coins for this? What are there sentry guns and bouncing betties waiting for us? Probably not, but then again.... no never mind no.

"Everyone ready?" I said

Everyone gave a nod.

"Then let's get them"

Money here we come

"Okay so where are we going again?" Mike asked, tired

"They didn't exactly give us a direct location" Dan said fumbling with the map "We just have to find a cave and go in and find this box, there should be these jewels in it."

"So why don't we just steal the jewels?" Mike complained

"Because they will have your asses and have my wings" Nico said

"Okay right now- what the fuck was that!" Mike said; the last part was so fast it sounded like one massive word.

We all saw what Mike was talking about, we couldn't see it very well, but there was this massive Pink smoke coming out of a cave on top of one of the mountains.

"Screw jewels" Conor said "I smell brownies!"

"No that's just shit" I said, motioning to a greenish brown turd right by Conor's hoof.

"Drunken Russian do you read me" Dan said into a fake microphone "Drunken Russian do you hear me?"

We all waited a moment

"Dan that was pretty dumb" I said, I'm pretty sure the Russian wasn't constantly watching us.

"Wait what?" The Russian called out from thin air.

"Shit you are watching us?" Dan said, eyes the size of saucers

"No I can hear you" The Russian said angry "I was taking a dump"

"Okay okay okay" Mike said trying to get the Russian off the topic of his crap.

"Do you know anything about pink smoke?"

The Russian waited a couple moments

"Do I look like a floating wiki to you?" The Russian said livid

"No you SOUND like a floating RUSSIAN wiki." I corrected

"Either way I don't know anything about magical pink smoke, go find it yourself."

The Russian said, out of the blue a M9 Beretta came out of clean air

"Here take this, im going to get back to fixing this protocol"

We all looked at each other; he gave us a pistol, a fucking pistol. I picked it up in my mouth and tried to position it in my mouth so I could use my tongue to pull the trigger

"Comon Vespi!" Nico taunted "If you can eat pussy you can do this!" And everyone including me laughed, my laughing made me spit out the pistol, it dropped to the floor with a metallic clang.

“How’d you know?” I asked; everyone looked at me like I was an idiot

"Ever try your hooves?" Conor squeaked

My god, it worked! I may not have fingers but I can hold a pistol as a pony, nice.

"Okay let’s go find out where that pink smoke is coming from" I said and we raced to the mountain.


(69 minutes later)*** (69 minutes later)


We were all weary and out of breath, even Nico the jock was panting and tired.

"Maybe we shouldn't have ran the entire way" Mike said putting his hoof up against the mountains wall to steady himself "For an entire fucking hour"

"And nine minutes" Tyler added "Whoa that was 69 minutes!" Everyone wanted to laugh but we were too tired "Get it like the position!"

Dan tried to speak, barely mustering a coherent sentence "Not as fun, as, as, as you may think," He said almost falling face first into the dirt.

Although we basically failed to follow simple logic we were smart enough to rest a little bit. I laid down by the bottom of a lone tree, Dan and Nico laid down on their separate branches, Mike dropped down in the dirt, Conor was laying askew maybe 5 yards away and Tyler was just being Tyler (Half dead).


(6.9 minutes later)*** (6.9 minutes later)

"Alrighty I’m set" I said getting up

"Ready Dan? Mike? Tyler? Conor? Nico?"

Everyone got up and stretched out a bit Tyler again spoke up "Guys that was 6.9 minutes exactly"

“How do you know this stuff?” I asked

“Gland In my brain” he said pointing to his head “Tells me this stuff. But get it?”

Dan this time had more energy and completed his sentence "Tyler 69 is a number, now shut up and lets go find that pink smoke emitter" We could all see an entrails of fluffy pin smoke, almost like cotton candy, lazily drifting out of the mouth of the cave, twirling in the air heading towards the town.

"Okay guys lets breach!" mike said, making a MW3 reference

“Why?” I asked; even though we all liked COD that sounded pretty dumb

“Just go with it” Tyler said

No one really did it the right way, Dan just put his hoof up against thin air and said "BREACHING!" he made a fake explosion and we all ran inside, my pistol drawn.

We were all stunned at what we saw

"Sup hoes"

"You like the suit?"

It was Harrison Ayan, a good friend from school, dressed as a juggernaut. He was wielding a M60 in one hand and slumped over his obese back was a riot shield. His bullet proof armor coated him from head to toe, through his visors you could see Harrison’s semi-retarded smirk.

"Harrison" I said mouth ajar

"What the fuck!" Mike said

"Yea pretty awesome suit right?" Harrison said with a smile; I couldn’t help but notice the gun was loaded with a large clip of ammunition.

"No fucking gay!" Mike said enraged

"Why?" Harrison said still smiling "I thought you liked my recon juggernauts"

"No being ponies is our thing" Mike said thrusting a finger at Gayan "Bitch you don't come into our world and fuck things up?”

"I'm not a pony" Harrison said "I am a juggernaut"

"IN FUCKING PONYWORLD!" Dan said; this was terrible; Harrison came into our world, dressed up as a monster and he thinks it is cool! It was cool but he was Ayan!

"Fine I was going to give you some of my cotton candy smoke" He said motioning to a dumpy looking clump of electronics; it was spewing out the smoke at a constant pace.

"That stuff doesn't look safe" I said, seeing normal blackish gray smoke come out, and intertwined into the cotton candy mass.

"But now" He said loading a belt of ammo into his M60 "time to die"

"Wait what........." We all said in unison.

""I know what will happen now; I can see the future you know!"

"Like at the Catillion" I said in a snide voice

At the Catillion Gayan got slapped by a girl; hilarious.

"Really what happens?" Mike said

"You" He said pointing to Dan "Will get laid"

"You" repointing towards me "Will get laid"

"You" pointing to Nico "Will get laid"

"Let me guess" I said, already knowing Ayan’s angle.

"We will all get laid and you won't"

"Exactly" Gayan said not changing his voice's expression. "So I’m like going to shoot you in the face." Gayan then smashed down on his M60 and spayed rapidly, he was shooting at us!

Luck for us there were rocks casually dropped here and there in the cave. we all managed to jump behind something before any parts of the lead came close.

"Shit we need the Russian!" I screamed

"Well I’m not helping you" The Russian said, we could hear him giggling in the background.

"Why?" I asked

"Because I was taking a dump!" He said angrily "At my age do you know how hard that is!"

What

"Okay please just help us!" Dan pleaded

"Nah, get Russian trolled bitches!" he said, he was gone.

"Any smart ideas?" I asked depressed that I was going to die at 13. I then realized I was an animal; whether in pony or human form, it was survival instincts to do anything to survive. So I aimed the small pistol and shot at Ayan; my friend. 2 of the rounds missed but the third one popped Ayan right in-between the eyes; sadly the suit blocked it completely; Ayan’s only response was a laugh and “Bro you are going to need something bigger!”

I saw Mike’s eyes double in size; he had an idea, normally that was bad but at this viewpoint we needed anything we could get.

"I got it!" Mike said "Remember when we beat up that guy?"

Everyone nodded

"I already had a 3 point streak that was plus one." Everyone nodded "And I had hardline pro on"

"Wait what?" I asked confused if this was just a sick joke "I don't get it."

"Know what I can get with that?" It all clicked

"PREDATOR MISSLE!" Mike called it in, a random briefcase appeared on the ground next to him, and he began clicking and typing things, I didn’t really understand what had just happened; at first I thought it was just a cruel unicorn joke. It smashed right on top of Ayan, we all ducked and covered. The massive explosion covered the room, sweeping dirt away and smaller pebbles.

When we looked in Ayan’s direction we saw he was no more. A helmet landed by me, I picked it up

No one could survive that; not even Ayan

We were all shocked, we killed someone, but luckily I know how to change moods easily

I picked up the helmet and put it on my head

"Hey guys! I'm like Harrison so yea; I may be 6:20 but it’s cool you know?" Everyone laughed, sardonic impersonations are great.

"Do you know what this calls for?" We all turned around to see Pinkie Pie behind us, smiling happily.

"What..." Conor asked

"A PARTY!" Pinkie Pie jumped,

"Okay let's just get back home and get all patched up" Nico said, patched up? No one got shot

"What do you mean- HOLY SHIT!" Dan said. I turned to Nico, he was very pale and one of his wings was half torn off; there was crimson blood slowly trickling down the wing then down his hoof and then began to form a puddle by his foot.

"Yea I’m no doctor but I think I am seriously going to die right now" Nico said wobbling a bit,

"Jesus we need a doctor now!" I said, I wasn't about to let a friend die right now, like this.

"OkiDoki!" Pinkie Pie said,

For a moment I was so scared of Nico's health that I didn't know what had happened, I just froze. When I thawed out of my stupor I found I was back in the Town square, Nico was now just laying, his mangled wing to the sky still spewing out blood at a now even more alarming pace. Several strong looking stallions let by a massive red workhorse picked Nico up and dragged him off to possible help.

"Pinkie Pie" I started, "How did you do that?" I heard a faint giggle from behind; I turned around to see a nice lavender unicorn standing there.

"I did it," She said "Pinkie Pie's tail began twitching and we narrowed it down to Conor being in trouble, or some kind of weird hijacking."

"Okay...." I said, Conor I could understand the hijacking on the other hand seemed out of place.

"Wait why had Pinkie Pie chased after Conor?" Mike asked

"Silly don't you know?" Pinkie Pie said hopping up and down "He's the brownie to my cupcake!"

"Conor made me brownies once" I said "They tasted like vomit.”

Not lying, bad frosting (Reverse hydrogenated vomit) makes any delicious treat kill you on the inside. That is what you get for calling Conor “Brown”

"Really?" The lavender pony said "He and Pinkie made some and the seemed alright" She quickly added "O I’m Twilight."

Twilight as it seems was a petite (French for something) lavender unicorn, her cutie mark resembled what seemed to be sparkles. Twilights’ sparkles? I would have to study her more carefully.

All my friends began to head back to the house, I haven’t actually seen Twilight yet so far, Rarity talked about her for a brief moment back at the party, nothing that I bothered to dwell over though.

"So how'd you find us?" I asked

"Well Pinkie's tail began to twitch a ton" She said, Pinkie Pie was jumping up and down for no apparent reason.

"I see I see" said urging her to go on, frankly at this moment I wanted to become as distant to my friends as possible, Nico's injury and them leaving was helping to ease my conscious; but I could feel my conscious building up like a heavy load on my back.

"So I used a spell to find Conor and-" I stopped Twilight mid-sentence "Wait you have a spell that can find people?!" I haven’t seen real pony magic, Mike was a unicorn but he didn't know any tricks.

"Yup" She said with a prideful grin "I did after all get my cutie mark from magic after all"

So that's where she got that sparkles magic cutie mark, from magic.

"Cool" I looked over to my flank and saw my cutie mark "Yea I got mine from being myself"

She giggled a bit

"You’re Funny!" She said still giggling "What's your name?"

"Vespi" I saw Pinkie Pie run towards us, her eyes bouncing from side to side in adrenaline "let me guess Pinkie"

I put my front hoof in Pinkie's face to prevent her from responding

"You’re going to have a 2nd party for Ni- I mean Augustus?" I wasn't very good at all the code names, had to be more careful.

"Augustus?" Pinkie Pie said confused "The pegasus who got smashed? He looks more like a Caligula or a Trojan to me!" She said with a giggle, how did she know about Roman emperors?

"Well he’s Augustus" I said

"No he is Caligula!" Pinkie Pie screamed in a high pitched voice.

"No he is Augustus" I said again

"NO HE IS CALIGULA! HE IS A CALIGULA!" Pinkie Pie went insane spazing out jumping, bouncing, running, summer salting all over like a madman. She finally left my line of sight in mid cart wheel.

"So is that normal behavior?" I asked

"Yea..." Twilight said "I haven’t really told any of the other mares but frankly I think Pinkies like a sadistic rapist." She said “Or something, I mean, is that normal behavior?” She added

"Really" I said half surprised; Twilight seemed like a more innocent person, perhaps a bit younger then Dashie or Rarity. "Do the other mares think that?"

"Probably not" Twilight said "Apple Jack has her head up her ass, or more commonly Dashie's ass" We couldn't help but laugh for a moment "Fluttershy can barely talk, Rarity is a snob, and Spike is too naive."

"Wait whose Spike?" I asked

"Him?" Twilight said "After that Canterlot exam hes been my little dragon brother" She sighed "He's really nice, but always trying to win Rarity over."

"Really?" I said with a giggle

"Yup" She smirked back.

For an innocent enough looking pony Twilight seemed to know a lot about things,

"So Dashie is lesbian?" I said, trying to sound as normal as possible.

"Eyup" Twilight said "Maybe bi, don't really know" She said

"Really, who’s Apple Jack?" I asked

"The apple farmer, also Dashie's lover" She said with a roll of the eyes.

"The less you say the more you hear" She added

"Really......" I now had the 6 names of the friends; Twilight Sparkle, Dashie, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Apple Jack; Seemed a lot like me and my group of friends, except about the 2 lesbians.

At that time Pinkie Pie came back, this time standing somewhat still

"Sorry about that, I'm going to go work on the party." She said in a resolute and calm voice.

"Okay Pinkie" Twilight said, Pinkie Pie began to walk (not run) over to my house.

"I guess I’ll see you at the party?" I asked

"Sure!" Twilight said "I have to get back to reading through, I'll see you then though" She said walking away,

I may have not noticed but I was the only one watching her cute rump as she walked away.

The Ayan, the Magnificent, and the Ace

The rest of the day had gone by painfully slow; we couldn't believe what had happened. Everything we thought made it sound illogical, but then again being here in the first place. This entire scenario made me ask the same few questions over and over again.

How did Ayan come here in human form and here at all?

How good is medicine here? Would he ever fly again?

How is everypony else feeling about this?

The questions bobbed and weaved through my head, tormenting me until the door creaked open, it was Nico; with a bandaged wing and a happy expression on his face.

"Jesus christ Nico are you okay?" I asked, I looked down at his bandaged wing; it seemed a lot healthier than before, maybe that was because it wasn't dangling down hanging only by a thin thread.

"Yea" Nico said looking at his own bandaged wing "I'll be fine, god bless magic!"

"Magic..." Tyler said, everypony else at this point was moving towards the door.

"Yea magic!" Nico said "Saved my wing, I can fly in like 3 days they said."

"Cool story bro" Mike said "Hopefully Pinkie Pie forgot about that get well party" He quickly added "Not that we don't want you to get back, just we just had a party."

"Agreed" Dan said with a nod "I just pray to god she isn't-"

Dan was cut off by a loud knocking on the door.

Nico being the closest to the door opened the door half way, the velocity of a giant pink ball helped Nico with the remainder, it was Pinkie Pie.

"AUGUSTUS!!!!!" She screamed in glee "O my gosh O my gosh you are okay!" She said giving him a hug.

"Yea, hey Pinks" Conor said, stepping forward "Like, can we have the party some other time?" We are pretty tired and all and-"

"No silly of course not!" Pinkie said, she ran outside of the house for a moment, when she came back she had a small cannon with her.

"What the fuck is that!" Dan said stunned, Pinkie Pie + cannon = terrible things... In my opinion

"Silly it is my party cannon!" Pinkie pie exclaimed, she pulled a lever and the cannon fired what at first seemed to be a blank, then we realized that it held a small pink cover with balloons and other party necessaries.

At this point we also gave up on the idea of forcing Pinkie Pie of abandoning the party scheme.

"Yea Pinkie Pie you do, whatever the hell you are going to do with that cannon. Conor go make some brownies, and everyone else do whatever, I guess I’ll see you at 9ish or so."

Pinkie Pie shook her head "No at 8! That's what I told everypony!" She squealed, we didn't even bother to respond. I went upstairs to take a nap. For a small pony house it sure was lucky of us to have one with 5 bedrooms, and Tyler didn’t mind sleeping on the couch; even during the parties I assume.

I didn't even bother to get under the covers or anything, I just dropped down, for the moment dead to the world.


***


When I first felt the vibrations I thought it was some kind of Equestrian earthquake, then I finally woke up fully, it was music. I was late to the party! I tripped down the hallway but managed not to do anything really stupid in public.

When I trotted down the stairs the party was a lot like Pinkie's first one; plenty of ponies, techno music, and endless possibilities; I was about to explore on my own when I saw Mike wave me over, he was talking to 2 mares.

"Yo Vespi remember how we killed Gayan?" He asked

"Yuhuh" I said

"Man that was a wicked headshot!" he said, yup Mike was already lying, might as well go along with it.

"Yup, perfect aiming" I said trying my best to lie

"See what I mean? I got top shots." He said with a laugh.

"Yo MP have you seen Rarity?" I asked, maybe he could be honest for once.

"Sorry I haven’t" He said "Have seen Dan or Tyler either, why don't you go find them?"

I gave a shrug, who knows maybe there will be adventure on the way. As I was walking away I could have sworn I heard a familiar voice say "Do you think he saw me?"

Before I could delve into the idea I already could hear Tyler's intoxicating laugh in the distance. I half-stepped outside to see Dan, Tyler and 2 other stallions I haven’t met before running and laughing down the street.

"Hey guys what are you doing?" I asked

"We were just having a gay time using eggs and windows!" The brown pony said in a British accent.

"Shut up Doctor Whooves!" Dan turned to me "Faggot"

"Okay, what were you guys doing?" I asked

"Just throwing eggs at windows" Dan said "Care to come?"

I sighed "We have an entire party planned for Nico and you guys are outside?" I asked,

"Yup, Comon Vespi it'll be fun" Tyler said urging me to follow. I sighed and complied.

We tossed eggs at several targets, a school house, the mayor’s office (Dan’s payback), a store that sold just quills and sofas, and what I think was Pinkie’s house (I think).

Our next target was a large tree house, not those dinky little tree houses some humans had in trees. This was an actual house, with a door, glass windows, and from my best guess plumbing and electricity.

We fired maybe a dozen eggs at the house before a small purple dragon opened the door and screamed "Hey what are you guys doing to the library?" behind him I could hear someone ask "Spike who is it?"

Jesus it was Twilight! I then instantly jumped into a nearby bush and tried my best to obscurely head back up the street in which we had come. I had crawled maybe 10 feet before I heard the sound of a scream in pain and laughter. I saw the other 4 ponies run off, Tyler limping.

After I felt I had made enough distance so she couldn't see me, I got up on my hooves and headed back to Twilight's house. When I got there I saw Twilight, magically levitating a bucket trying her best to wash off the egg goo.

"Hey Twilight what happened?" When I asked her she nearly dropped the bucket.

"O hey, some ponies through eggs at my window!" She said grimacing at the windows

"I chucked a book at one of them before they got off though, so not a total lose."

"I see need some help?"  I asked

"Sure why not..." Twilight said using a wet towel to remove some of the egg.

I did what was necessary, which was nothing except to hold the bucket on my back to give Twilight an easier time, all the way being silent. Afterwards I finally began to talk again.

"Thanks again twilight for saving my friend Nico and all" I said

"You’re welcome, is he doing better?" She asked

"He actually is, in fact we are having a get well party for him right now" I gave Twilight a suspicious look "How come you aren’t there?"

"O me" Twilight said blushing "I'm not really a party mare, books are more my thing..." she said with a sigh

"I kind of like books myself" I said, I wasn't really crazy about books, but I like a good book every now and then.

"Really you do?" She asked surprised

"Yea I do any new good books you have read?' I asked

"O yes lots of them!" She said dragging me into her house, her tree house also now a library. Each shelf was full of books, books of all knowledge. To name a few I just glanced at was Full Biography of Princess Celestia, Flying and you and How to act like a Canterlot.

"Wow this is a lot of books" I said, there were books on walls, in rooms I even saw a book laying inside the refrigerator; Food for you the full dictionary of good foods.

"Yea this is a library after all" She said blushing again.

"Cool" I said absent mindedly, had to admit she was a book worm.

"Yea...” She said, dragging her hoof against the tiles of the kitchen floor "Hey Vespi" She asked

"Yes?"

"You said you were having a party for your friend right?" She asked shyly

"Yes" I said again

"Do you mind if, I can come?" She asked

"Yea sure why not" I said with a shrug, I'm not cheating on Rarity; I'm just inviting one of her friends, right?

We headed outside and we began heading back to the house. We just did some small talk on the way there, I still wasn't cheating on Rarity, and all I was doing was talking and slowing down once and a while to watch Twilight walk. That’s not cheating,

Right?

It wasn't long before we could hear the loud, obnoxious techno music from the house. I could have sworn I saw Tyler and the other stallions watching me but then again, maybe I was just in my own world. By the time we got there the party was in full swing, the music beating, the floor shaking; it was a true party.

I eventually realized Twilight wasn't the sardonic bitch that I originally thought she was. In fact she was very, very nice. One problem though, she loved books; I mean like a lot. I'm okay with books her obsession just seemed, unhealthy.

"You sure seem a lot nicer then at first glance" I said, bringing the subject up again.

"Yea I was just kind of stressed" She said blushing

"Really? What stress?" I retorted

"O school stuff." She said school stuff? If ponies our age drink and party I doubt they are still in school, that and Rarity said she is a fashion designer.

"School" I said, no question, no exclamation, just a bland plain 'School'.

"Yea" She said, still blushing "I am after all the Princess's apprentice"

Wait, we have a princess? Amazing what you can learn and what you don't pick up on.

"Cool" I said, we were down the street from the party, might as well cut the conversation. The house was probably cramped as usual, that brought up my next question. How would a bookworm handle a party? I was about to delve into the idea some more before Twilight spoke up.

"So, ummmm are you going to open the door for me?"  She said

"What? O sorry I was in my own little world" I said, opening the door for her; I also managed to trip on a spare cupcake lying in the middle of the door (My eyes were in other places).

I was dismayed when I fell face first into the floor, my pride fortunately taking the brunt of the blow. I was lying face first into that cupcake when Mike walked over to see what caused the door to randomly open.

"Hey man! How's it going?" Mike said, lending me a hoof

"Pretty good," I said dusting myself off "What happened when I was gone?"

"O the usual" Mike began "Tyler got nailed in the balls with an egg, more 7 minutes in heaven shenanigans, Derpy's XMuffin25, the-"

"Wait what?" I asked surprised "A XMuffin25?"

"Bro I didn't get it either!" Mike said, hands in the air "It’s an XM25 that shoots airburst muffins"

"Wait who Derpy?" I asked

"The pony with the fucked up eyes" He said "She came in and strafed us"

"Anyone hurt?" I asked circumspect

"Ayan got a black eye" He said "But other than that-"

"Wait" I was stunned, it was even hard to make a decent sentence "Ayan is back?!"

"Yea man!" Dan came by fluttering with his wings "He's retelling the story again, Comon Vespi."

Retelling? Retelling what?

I didn't bother to go look for Twilight; I’d probably find her again.

"So yea" Ayan said, flipping his long hair. His hairstyle was basically Justin Biebers, just more ayanish. His brown body matched with his brown mane; if we ever needed camo we just needed Ayan; if we were infiltrating a giant dog turd.

"'I was like shooting these guys" Ayan said, pointing to Tyler and Conor "And Mike just predied me!"

"Predied?" A random pony asked

"You know a predator miss-" Ayan couldn't finish his sentence, he was about to blow our cover.

"Tyler help me with him" Tyler nodded, Dan, Mike, and Conor followed. Nico was either missing or incognito.

I pushed Ayan outside and knocked him against the windowsill.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked, the other stallions just stood behind me, waiting for what happened next.

"Telling a story" He said with a smile "What are you doing?"

"Asshole!" I screamed into his face "These ponies don't know about predator missiles and juggernauts!"

"Maybe they do" He said, using his stupid smile to break my concentration.

"No they don't you re-tard" Conor said "Bitch I am going to cut you." Conor pulled out a cherry red switchblade.

"Calm down bra" He said putting his hands up in defeat "I didn't tell anyone else, I won't tell anyone."

"Good I said." Tyler spoke up "Wait guys, did anyone tell ANYPONY!" His tone was very serious.

I couldn't help but wonder what every ponies reaction would be. Would they kill us? Laugh at us? Would it basically be Dead Space but 20% cooler?

"I haven’t" I said

"Not me" Dan said "I stay quite during sex"

"Nope" Mike murmured

"Nuhuh" Conor said

"Nope" Gayan restated

"I haven’t" Tyler said.

"Eyup!" We all turned around to see a big red stallion in the doorway, looking at us.

"Who the fuck are you!?" I asked

"Uhh, I jus came to tell y’all that dat girl the Powerful Trixie is here and causin one hoof a storm, y’all want to come rustle this problem?" The red stallions voice was a massive jumble of country speak, for a moment I didn't even know what he was talking about.

"Okay...." Mike said

"Where’s Nico?" I asked

"I don’t know" Tyler said, "I'm going to go find a mare, do whatever you want."

"Yea" Dan said, heading inside "I'm going to go find Dashie"

"I need to make some more brownies I fear" Conor said "Adios gentlemen!"

"Yea" Mike said following everypony else "I saw some nice Lavender ass coming over here, I'm going to go see if I can find it again."

"I'm going to go get my Juggernaut suit from the dry cleaners" Gayan said, heading off into the street.

"Wait what?" I asked his juggernaut suit?

"Yea man I'm now Ponyville's juggernaut" He flashed an icon of a juggernaut on his flank.

"Okay then see you"

"See you, I'd go find that Trixie thing" Ayan said running off. I was alone again, I frowned for a moment before heading inside again, might as well be the peacekeeper.

I was kind of sad that everypony had somewhere to go and some pony to meet but me, then again Rarity was nowhere to be found; I didn’t even see her in the streets; Pinkie Pie knowing I didn’t see Rarity for a whole day would be a good reason for having a party; in her eyes.

I headed outside to see what this entire Trixie problem was about, I headed outside with the bigger red pony and saw a dark blue pegasus wearing aviators talking to a light blue unicorn, wearing a hat.

"Sorry but this is a private party" Said the pegasus, I found it strange how the pony wore aviator sunglasses, and it gave me pangs of sadness of Earth and humanity.

"But I am the great and magnificent Trixie!" The pompous unicorn said.

"Sure you are, now leave before we make you" The pony looked back at me and the bigger red earth pony.

"O really?" The unicorn said with a snide smile "Come at me bro" She said her horn glowing up with a magical aura

"You 2 let's get her." The pegasus didn't even bother to take his shades off; he just trotted up to the unicorn as if he was taking candy from a baby. The unicorn didn't like that.

Before anyone could react the "Great and powerful Trixie" levitated a tree right out of the ground, this was probably the first time I had seen actual strong magic, besides Twilight levitating books.

The larger red stallion (Still don't know his name) rammed into the smaller pegasus, causing the projectile to smash into a nearby house, a bakery actually.

"Ha-ha! Who has a private party NOW!?" Bellowed the unicorn

"We kind of do" I said

"O really?" She said, picking up a nearby apple vending cart and levitating it into the air like it was just a stone.

“Eh hon that is ma apple cart! Y’all can’t just pick dem cart up!” The bigger red pony yodeled in his country accent

I could tell she was about to hit me with the cart, I had the strange feeling I was about to die; but then came Pinkie Pie.

"Bitch what did you do to my bakery!" Pinkie Pie said, jumping out of the gaping hole in the Bakery, she was clearly making more cupcakes.

"Your plebian building was in the way!" Trixie said.

"Who are you calling plebian!" Pinkie Pie said, walking straight towards the unicorn.

"Come at me bro!" The unicorn finally said, it was obvious that magic was faster than any reflexes, fortunately that pegasus knew how to fly.

He darted quickly, right off his hooves at an astounding speed, ramming right into the unicorn. She instantly dropped the cart as the pegasus mounted her and punched her in the face, hard.

"Pinkie Pie, your knife please" He said, I was expecting a chef knife or something, but Pinkie Pie had a cherry red switchblade (Just like Conor's) she tossed it into the air and the pegasus caught it, not sparing a second to bring it right up to the unicorn's horn.

"Who’s the great and powerful now bitch?" He said, I couldn’t tell what was colder; his words or the knife. The cold steel was now right on her horn almost cutting into it; I could of sworn I heard her try and say something, but tears clogging her throat prevented that.

"Pathetic." He then got off of her then said "Bitch blow this guy" at first I thought he was pointing at me, but when the other big red stallion stood forward I just let him have that.

"Pretty weird punishment" I said,

"Thanks" He said, we were both now heading inside, letting the other stallion have his way with the 'great and powerful Trixie'.

"What's her problem?" I asked

He gave me a strange look, "Are you new in town?" he asked

"Yea, me and my 5 friends just moved here, this is our house after all.

"This is your house?" He said, taking off his aviators for a quick moment just to confirm if he was seeing things correctly.

"Dam right." I said, my pride mounting "Liking the party?"

"Ehh, not as good as the Cloudsdale parties" he said "But for an earth pony show you guys are doing good."

"Yea I wish I was a Pegasus" I confessed, frankly I liked the idea of soaring in the clouds, flying, wing fucking, that stuff.

"Yea we got it made" He said with a superior smile "Hell if you had wings you'd be in the circle."

"The circle..." I asked

"The crew of pegasus that are somebodies" He said "You know, Wonderbolts, Celebrities, the Canterlot elite, those kinds.

I nodded, I didn't know who the Wonderbolts are but I knew i'd look like a idiot if I asked.

"Names Ace by the way" He said

"Vespi" I said shaking his hoof.

"I guess I’ll see you at the next party, I have to head in early for practice tomorrow."

I took a shot "You’re a Wonderbolt?" I assumed it was some kind of sports team

he grinned again "Dam right" before I could reply and keep the conversation going he took off without another word.

The rest of the night was a blur of fun and excitement, nothing really memorable happened, then again I blacked out maybe only an hour later. Also there was just one question that kept hitting me

could I get wings?

the Comet Stone

I woke up the next day with a raging hangover. My first real hangover, the last parties’ hangover felt like a dwarf compared to this one. I could barely open my eyes, for a few moments I thought I was having a migraine. When I woke up everything was clean and prim, seriously.

I managed to pick myself up, everything seemed normal, as if there had been no party. One thing was different, the windows and door were boarded up, and Mike was right next to me, using a levitating hammer to finish off fortifying the door.

"Mike, what are you doing?" I asked, trying to stay stable

"This is fucked up man, fucked up man' Mike said, murmuring in a quiet, hyper, and unnatural voice still nailing a plank to the door.

"Wait what is going on?" I asked,

"Mike nearly got rapped." Nico said walking in. "Poor bastard"

"Wait what...."

"Bro you don't remember?" asked Tyler, clutching my pistol.

"No I like blacked out..." I couldn't remember a thing after meeting Ace, it felt like the hangover the movie.

"Jesus christ you are lucky” Tyler said

"What-what happened?"

"Here let me tell you the whole story?" Nico sat down, Tyler stood next to the wall, constantly eyeing the pistol.

"So you remember the lavender pony with the rump?" Nico asked

"Twilight Sparkle, go on"

"Yea well Mike headed over to her house after you blacked out. We being usual went to go follow him, we saw more than we were bargaining for. Mike was about to be raped"

"Thank god you guys were there" Mike said, looking down at the floor "If you guys didn't save me you'd be done for."

"Getting raped?" I asked

"Yea, raped" Nico retorted

"And that is why we are all hiding in the house" Mike said "Dan is in Cloudsdale, Conor is getting supplies"

Before I could reply, there was a feint knocking on the door.

"Mike, honey are you there?" Came out Twilight Sparkle

"Get away from me!" Mike said

"Why? Please can we talk about this like ponies!" she pleaded

"Sure" Mike said, I also saw him gesture to Tyler to give him the gun.

"Michael" Twilight said "Are you going to shoot me if I open this door?"

"Just try!" I spoke up, and then I realized, Michael nailed down the planks from one side to the other, but not covering the hinges, dumbass.

I heard Twilight sigh "Fine" and without even using magic the door opened, Twilight was there with a scowl on her face.

"Don't come any closer!" Mike said pointing and waving the gun.

"Michael can we talk about this" Twilight pleaded again

"What did you exactly do?" I asked

"I tried to be patient, but Michael over here doesn't know what a clit looks like!"

"I was teasing!" Mike said protecting himself

"Bull crap!" Twilight said

I looked out the window for a time, listening to the 2 bicker for no good reason. Eventually I saw a flash through the sky and saw Dan's slow descent over Ponyville.

"Umm hey guys what is going on?" Dan said, trying to make something of the argument in front of him.

"I don't know why don't you ask the virgin" Mike said in a snide voice.

Twilight and Mike from there on out just began bickering back and forth; Dan didn't even bother to help out his friend and flew off subtly. I on the other hand wanted to talk to the Russian if he knew anything about some sort of a pony creator.

"Hey Russian" I asked, closing the door behind me to mute the altercation still raging.

"Wait what?" The Russian said "I was watching Twilight and Michael rant about stuff, what do you need?"

"I was curious, is there any way to change my appearance?" I asked "This isn't a sexual thing is it?" The Russian said in a groan

"No, no, no, no I want to be a pegasus." I said

"Hmmmmm" The scientist said "That would be easy with the right tools, which I have. But everypony would not connect the dots, they know your appearance and your name; it wouldn't work out.

I was about to succumb to sadness when the Russian replied quickly "There is one way though, remember those jewels that pony wanted you to find?"

I nodded

"Good, go find them and I think I can change the time space- know what you won't get it, just go find the jewels and I’ll turn you into a pegasus.

"Wait will everypony know it is me?" I questioned

"Nope, that is the thing about the elements-" He cut himself off

"What?"

"No-nothing" He said, "Go find the jewels; they were in the cave next to your friend Ayan's cave."

I gave a nod and headed back in.

"Alright, we are having a field trip." I said "Twilight Sparkle, MP, Neon, we are going for a walk"

***

"Okay we are finally here" I said, looking up into the sky to see the twisting citadel of a mountain.

"I've been here before" Twilight said, this surprised me in two ways. One, she wasn't arguing with Mike, and two because of her statement.

"Really? I asked

"Yea, me and my five friends went here to stop that dragon." Twilight said, I have no clue what the dragon thing was about, but im assume it was something memorable; it was after all a dragon.

"Okay so we need those jewels?" Mike asked

"Yea" I said "We did after all buy all that stuff, right?"

For a while we walked in complete silence, we scaled many dangerous cliffs, and had several close encounters. But before long we made it to the largest peak.

You had to admit the view was amazing, you could see for miles; Ponyville, the Everfree Forest and who knows what else could be seen.

"Okay, I believe this is the cave" Twilight said, examining the map

"Alright" We turned the corner heading into the mouth of the cave. It was far larger than Ayan's cave, massive boulders, stalagmites, stalactites; it was beautiful in a strange way. Speaking of Ayan, what happened to him?

"Okay, let’s get searching" Mike said

We all fanned out, searching the floor for the jewel. At first our search was hampered by a distinct lack of light but before long Twilight casted a magic spell to light up the cave.

"Hey, hey guys!" Tyler shouted out "I think I found it!"

We all looked over to what he was talking about, the jewel was an amazing It was blacker then any midnight, a purer hue then any color, and it had to be at leastly 30 karats.

The rock was also decorated around the sides with a white outline, it was... white gold. I examined it again, to make sure my eyes were not deceiving me.

I gave out a long whistle "Dam" It was eve hard to take your eyes off of it.

"Yea, Mike said, levitating the rock into Twilight's knapsack. Everyone began to head outside, when I finally spoke up.

"Hey guys do you mind if I have a moment....with the rock?" I asked, I felt like an idiot

"Ummmm, okay." Tyler said; every other pony left besides me.

"Russian" I murmured

"Yes? I see you have the rock" The rock was gone in the blink of an eye, he could do that?

"Wait, you can take stuff away?" I said, eyes the size of saucers.

"Yea, I love playing God." He said with a chuckle "So you want to be a pegasus?"

"Yea, just add wings, and one last thing." I asked "Can you make my body color dark green and turn Tyler's color to yellow?"

There was silence for a moment "Shouldn't you ask Tyler about this?" He questioned

"Nah he will be fine about it."

"Okay then, any last questions?" He said

"Yea 1" I asked, this had been the big question "Will any pony notice a difference in me?"

"Normally yes" He said "But thanks to the Comet Stone only your 5 friends will notice a difference"

Comet Stone?

"Okay, let a rip" I said, shutting my eyes shut. For a moment I didn't think he did anything, that was because he didn't, a second later I felt a sharp pain followed by feeling a wee bit heavier. I looked over to see a fine pair of wings and a few pounds heavier

"Enjoy" The Russian said, I heard him say in the background "Yuri, of those 7 assholes this kid is the only one I can trust." I couldn't help but laugh that he left his mic (Or whatever it is) on.

"Russian your mic is on." I said, he was talking to his friend Yuri mid-sentence when he cut it off, I turned around to see Tyler, yellow.

"Like the wings?" I smiled

"Dude what the fuck!" Tyler said livid "Why am I yellow!"

"Because I wanted to be dark green!" I said, with a wide grin

"We could have both been dark green!"

"NO WE COULDN'T!" I said in a sardonic voice

Tyler gave out a big exhale "Fine, we managed to keep our cool, let's get back now so we can freak out." Tyler said.

"Okay, does Twilight see it?" I asked

"No, she just noticed our facial expressions for the first second."

The way back was like the way forwards, Mike and Twilight continued to argue about this entire virgin fiasco and I couldn't help but stare at my wings. Not only did the new paint job and wings look cool, it opened up a whole new list of opportunities.

Flier

Flier

Flier

Flier

Flier

Flier

Delivery Flier

For me it was so exciting I couldn't help but smile. When we got to Ponyville Twilight went her separate way and we went ours.

When we got back we saw Ayan, Dan and Conor sitting there on the couch.

"Whoa Tyler nice wings!" Conor said

"No I'm Vespi" I laughed

"Yea, this asshole changed my color." Tyler said, leaving his hiding place behind Mike. Now I couldn't help but laugh at his color, it was gold, hilarious.

"Also we found this" I said, tossing out the giant jewel.

Something was different; the white border was now purple.

"That is, different" I said

"Why what's wrong? Ayan asked

"The border, it was white before, now it is purple." Mike said, answering Ayan's question for me

"Weird." I said "Also the Russian called this a Comet Stone, cool name huh?"

We all nodded, it wasn't a real nod; it was an empty headed nod. Everyone couldn't stop staring at that giant thing.

It had a strange feeling to it,

an alien feeling

The Nightmare

Gore here, weak stomachs should wait for the next chapter

-Vespi

It was nice to be home, Luna thought. She had been stuck on a giant rock for the last 1000 years; trapped. Stuck there trying to entertain herself for 1000 cold, loveless, depressing years. Alone. She had to thank her sister every day in her mind; her big sister was her savior, her idol. Even after trapping her on the moon and nearly killing her apprentice she forgave Luna and allowed her to live in Equestria again.

Luna could now enjoy books in a library instead of crushing 2 rocks together for fun. She was heading into the divine literature of James Ponyson when her sister bursted through the door.  

“Hello there big sister” Luna said with a smile “How’s it going?”

“Now is not the time!” Princess Celestia said “We have a big problem”

“Really” Luna said, flipping a page in her book “What?”

“You’re still here…” Princess Celestia said; not in anger but in the truth.

“And….” Luna said now nervous

“Someone activated the Comet Stone” Princess Celestia said; now looking through shelves trying to find a book.

“Really” Luna said, she closed her book “Are you serious?”

Princess Celestia finally found the book she was looking for “Seriously”

“Lord,” Luna now got up to help her sister “Who do you think it will go after first?”

“Only god knows” Princess Celestia said

***

“Вверх! Вверх! Найти президентом!”

Jesus what was this?

“Sir someone is breaching the cockpit!”

O my god

“Team two respond!”

Was it Americans?

“Team two respond!”

The French? SAS? Germans?

“Dammit Team two!”

Then it hit me, Makarov.

“Dammit! Nikola! Chris! Protect the president! Everyone else with me

I was snapped back into reality, we were being hijacked by our own people. I immediately grabbed my Five-Seven and bolted for the door, my comrades following me.

“TEAM 3 RESPOND!” It was Alexander from team 2, he sounded desperate

“Yes Alex what is going on!?” I asked into my walkie-talkie, I could hear screaming in gunfire from it.

“HIJACKERS! ARMED WITH ASSULT RIFLES AND BALISTIC VESTS! CAUTION IS ADVISED GET THE PRESIDENT TO SAFTEY! “Alexander shouted back; he was panting heavily into the phone now,

“Calm down Alex” I said “We are coming to get you”

I thought Alex was gone for a second when he said “What- what was that?” he now pulled the phone from his head and must of dropped it into his pocket, I could hear everything.

“What is that?”

“There is something in the vents?”

I heard some strange crawling from the ceiling

That didn’t sound like any of the other guards; had the 2 factions stopped shooting just to listen?

Suddenly there was a loud smash and an inhumane scream

“What is that thing?!”

“I don’t know! Someone shoot it!” the only thing that I could hear next was screaming, disgusting gurgling, and finally the phone going dead.

“Guys!” I said,

“What is it?” Everyone replied, we began heading down the hall; there were two dead hijackers, both dead from bullet wounds. I took up one of their AK-47us and my friend Robert found a nice shotgun from the other.

“Something is down there” I said, not really understanding how to put it

“Yea hijackers we know” Robert said

“No, something not human” I said

“What?” Robert and his friend Brendon said at the same time

“Something was down there” I said “Alex gave me a call”

“Impossible!” Robert said, then asking “Do you mean like attack dogs?”

“No, it was something big, the hijackers and our guys even stopped shooting to see what it was.”

Brendon just laughed “Poor Jacob, scared shitless from some monster!” I never really did like Brendon; he was always tantalizing me with stuff like this.

“Fine” I snapped “You take point”

“Good, I need a kill” He said

We continued to walk, heading through the plain; we were relieved that the hijackers were now downstairs in the plane, away from the cockpit… at leastly we were not going to crash.

Then we saw that this wasn’t some attack dog or something small. We found a mangled corpse, arms ripped off. It was Alex; his ballistic vest was torn to pieces like 20 people stabbed him with swords, his left leg was a bloody stump just like the arms, and his right leg was sickly twisted behind him.

“Jesus” Brendon murmured

“You were right Jacob” Robert said, we were all alerted then by a noise from the next room. Brendon (still clutching onto his pistol) took point, while me and Robert hid behind him.

“Come here little guy” Brendon said, slowly walking towards the door.

“Brendon don’t” I cautioned

“Relax” He opened the door “It is-“a spear rammed right out of the door, going through Brendon’s vest, his chest and out the other side.

“Jesus Christ!” Robert screamed

Brendon just looked our way with a sorry expression and like that the spear released Brendon; he fell to the floor with a loud thump.

There was a loud cackle from the next room

“Silly humans! You do not truly think you can kill the immortal!” Came out a feminine voice

“What is that Robert” I asked; my palms were so sweaty I could barely hold the gun in my hand.

It ran through the door; a giant dark blob of matter, ramming its spear directly into Robert’s cranium, splattering brains and guts everywhere.

“ROBERT!” I screamed; I didn’t even think of looking back, I ran and ran and ran; up the stairs all the way back to the room where we began.

“Jacob what is it?” Chris asked

“That thing got Robert and Brendon” I said; I was about to have a heart attack.

“What thing?” Nikola asked, coffee cup in hand.

Before I could answer I felt pressure from the other side of the door, that thing had followed me.

“Dammit everyone help me out!” I screamed, I pushed all my weight onto the door, doing anything possible to keep it closed. Nikola rammed right into me, knocking the wind out of me; if this had been a lighter occasion I would have called him an asshole, but this was something totally different; I knew I was fighting for my life now.

While us 3 bodyguards managed to hold the door back, through a mixture of brute force and half of the table in the room, one of the president’s men used my walkie-talkie.

“Hello is anyone there?”

“Yes I am” That voice came out again

“Jesus let her in Jacob” Nikola said,

“No she killed everyone downstairs!” I barked; screw commanding officers and screw orders

“O please let me in” Said the voice “I will let you all die swiftly, it will be painful but its rather long and painless or swift and painful.”

“Can we have long and painless?” Christ asked

I gave him a grimace

“O please, maybe I will let the girl live.”

“Which girl?” Asked the president, he was standing up now slowly walking towards the door.

“Your daughter” She said,

“Let her in” The president ordered, Nikola moved but me and Christ just stood our ground.

“That is an order” Said the president waving a finger at us.

“Dammit sir” Christ said “Something is wrong here, everyone besides us is dead; Jacob is scared shitless and now we have this thing trying to get us.” He took a moment to compose himself “We can’t let this thing get to our heads.”

“I already did” said the voice “You forgot I ate the pilots, that one guys mustache tasted terrible; just putting that out there.” The monster outside gave out an evil laugh.

“Let her in” The president ordered again

“You heard the man” Nikola said, trying to push me away; I just punched him right in-between the eyes, knocking him down. Nikola pulled out his pistol, I aimed my AK-47u and Christ aimed his pistol at Nikola. If the president hadn’t slammed his hand down on the table we would of all shot each other right there.

“DAMMIT!” The president yelled “WE HAVE SOME SERIOUS SHIT HERE! STOP ACTING LIKE ABUNCH OF BABIES!” The president cuffed his own mouth, and everyone grew silent; that is until the monster said

“That was even easier than expected; well enough games I’m hungry.” The door exploded open, Christ was crushed in-between a wall and the table and I was launched backwards onto Nikola. The president and his associates ducked for cover. A pitch black pony walked in armed with wings and a spear like horn. In her mouth was the president’s daughter, dead. The pony spat it out

“Nightmare Moon doesn’t take prisoners” She said with a cackle; before walking over to the semi-conscious Chris and took out a big chunk from his torso.

I knew this was it, the last thing I wanted to feel was being eaten, I picked up Nikola’s Fifty-Seven and pressed it to my head. I saw my life for a brief moment before I felt the lead enter my head and kill me; I died before I saw the nightmare finish off Chris.

The Mission

“So” I said coaxing a conversation “What is this thing exactly?”

“I don’t know” Ayan said “Maybe we could sell it?”

Twilight studied the rock “I could have sworn I read about this somewhere, I’m going to go look in my library.

Twilight Sparkle left; within 5 minutes there was a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it!” Ayan said; walking over to the door, sadly whoever was there wasn’t very patient.

The door slammed over and hit Ayan; knocking him over, walking in were two powerful looking unicorns… with wings!

“Sorry” The younger one said; looking at the unconscious Ayan lying on the floor

“We apologize” Said the old one; her mane a rainbow of colors while her coat was white like Rarity’s.

“Wait what is this about?” Asked Dan

“Calm down; we need your help now” The white one said “I am Princess Celestia; and my kingdom needs you.”

“Cool story bro” Conor said, pushing another brownie into his mouth; did she say princess? I nudged Conor in the hoof to tell him “be respectful; I think she is a princess”

“What do you need?” Mike asked

“That stone” She pointed towards the Comet Stone

“Has the border been purple yet?”

“It has always been purple-“When I turned around the stone’s outline was white again! What had happened?

“I see” Princess Celestia said glumly “Then for now we are too late”

“Wait what is this all about?” I asked “Too late for what?”

“Let me tell everypony the story, the Princess sat down, on the door, which had Ayan under it, in his own blood.

“1000 years ago; there was a comet. A massive comet that nearly destroyed Equestria and the entire world; this comet was a comet of pure evil. Me and my sister Luna banded together and used the elements to destroy most of the comet.”

“I don’t like that most…” Tyler said

The princess ignored him “Sadly the power of this comet corrupted my sister; turning her into Nightmare Moon; I used the elements then to banish her to the moon for 1000 years.

“That must of sucked ass” Tyler interrupted again

“It sure did” Luna muttered, embarrassed

“For 1000 years pieces of the rock have been scattered all across Equestria. There are 3 known pieces in all; once we collect them all we can summon Nightmare Moon again and finish her for good; then destroy the pieces of the rock.”

“Wait why didn’t this happen before?” I questioned

“Because some pony found one of the rocks and made a wish. Also didn’t my guards tell you gentle ponies to bring this rock straight to them?”

“Yea” I said in my own defense “But we just came back with the rock; the first time we went to the mountain the only thing we found was…” I looked over to Ayan now; urinating all over the floor.

“Well now since one of you triggered the rock; Nightmare Moon will attack every 72 hours; any pony; you, me, any pony the monster believes is a worthy target.” She looked over to her sister Luna

“Well so where are the other 2 pieces?” I asked

“I have them on this map” Said Princess Celestia; levitating the map onto the coffee table.

“You have to find all of these as soon as possible” She said “I have some train tickets for you; I want you 6 to go find these and bring them to me.” After that sentence Twilight walked in, exclaiming

“O MY GOSH PRINCESS CELESTIA” She ran right past Ayan; now bleeding all over the carpet and ran right up to the princess “What do you need? What is the matter!?”

“Calm down there my apprentice” Said the princess; Twilight complied “These 6 stallions are going to save Equestria with their amazing friendship.” Twilight looked stun

“But princess; me and my friends have the elements” She murmured

“Yes I know” The princess returned

“But these 6 aren’t very useful!” Twilight whispered; hoping no one else could hear her, even though we all did “MP over there could even find the-“

“Okay then!” Mike said taking the map and began towards the door “We will head to Canterlot and find the pieces”

“Wait MP!” The princess ordered; Luna blocked his path “I want you to take Twilight with you; they know much about the power of friendship"

“But…” Mike winced “This is our adventure”

“I know you are disappointed” Celestia said “But having Twilight around will be better for you; Twilight butted in

“Can I bring my friends too?” Twilight said

“Ehh sure why not” Said the Princess with an impish shrug; some princess

“Yay It’ll be a group adventure! Right MP?  Twilight looked at Mike; who was about to tie a noose around his neck.

“Well good luck Twilight and good luck to you stallions too.” The princess said heading out the door

“Okay” I said; taking the leadership position “Let’s go catch our train”

“Wait!” Twilight said “Let me go find my friends. I promise it will take only a second.”

Two Hours later *** Two Hours later

“There you are Rarity!” Twilight said

“I apologize for being tardy; it was inconvenient of me to not be ready at the time.” She didn’t even look at Ayan’s corpse

“Is that everypony?” I asked

“Yea; I think this is everypony” Rainbow Dash said. I found it amazing it took Twilight an hour and a half to find one of her friends; then another half hour to get the other 4 here.

“Okay let’s not waste any more time we need to rush to the train now”

“Fine let’s get going” Mike said “Should we take the rock?” It seemed like a good idea; so Tyler said

“Sure why not; no ponies use it though… Vespi” He said the last word in a snide voice.

30 minutes later***30 minutes later

We managed to rush to the train; it was a close call but we got on in the last moment. Normally they have a rule about tardiness; but Twilight convinced them that our mission was important; when that didn’t work she just levitated the one ponies nightstick and hit him with it; impressive.

“Okay let’s get going everypony; everypony on!” I said

We made it

(Meanwhile)*** (Meanwhile)

“Wait guys?” Ayan asked

Silence

“Guys what just happened?” Ayan asked again; now getting up from the destroyed door

“Any pony home?”

More silence

Then Ayan remembered something

“O my god the stone! I got to get to Canterlot!” Ayan said; he ran into the closet and grabbed his juggernaut suit

“Let’s do this” Ayan said with a smile as he fastened on his suit

2 Stones with 1 Hoof

We were on our way to Canterlot, Equestria. It seems Canterlot was one of the largest cities in Equestria, and also where the imperial palace was located; it was a 16 hour train ride. I was relieved to see only a few other ponies besides our party of 12 on the train; I’m not a fan of lots of random people in small spaces.

“Okay here’s the game plan” Mike said laying the map on the floor so everypony could easily see it

“Apple Jack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity you are going to find the first pieces in the Imperial Castle’s dungeon. Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie you will go find the other piece in the Castle’s giant maze. Meanwhile me, Neon, Vespi, Royce, Augustus, and Courageous C will go to a bar and maybe see a play, sounds like a good plan?” Sounded good to me for the most part

“Not really” Apple Jack said “This is a team effort; this sounds like y’all getting drunk while we do all the work.”

“Would you rather get drunk and we do all the work?” Tyler asked “Knowing Vespi he is ought to fuck up too” The stallions laughed; to an extent that was true.

“Nuhuh” Apple Jack said “Twilight, you, Rarity, Vespi, courageous C and Royal Royce go find the one in the dungeon. Me, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Augustus, Pinkie Pie, and Neon go find the one in the maze. Sounds good?”

“Nope” Mike said “Anything but with Twilight” Twilight gave a sigh

“O get over it Mike, stop being a baby.” I said

“Fine, go eat out Rarity again” he said laughing at his own joke

“Sure, just don’t watch” I said; gaining more laughter; especially from Rarity.

“Fine; now that took up 2 hours what do we do for the next 14 hours?” Mike asked

“I don’t know” Tyler said “If you ask me I need a drink”

“No offense” Dan said “I think you are drinking a little too much”

I had to admit; Tyler has been liking his whiskey a little too much.

“Relax bro” Tyler said laughing off the criticism “Iron liver; do whatever.”

Meanwhile *** Meanwhile

“Ayan tell me! Where is everybody?” It was the Russian

“I don’t know, I think that got on a train” Ayan said; he was arming himself; grenades, assault rifle, riot shield; he thought Vespi would go all ape shit over “Their cover” but how was he supposed to stay alive without guns and armor?

“Do you have any ideas at all?” He questioned again

“Yea, Canterlot to help out the Princess”

“WHAT!” The Russian roared

“Yea man; hey can you spawn another clip of Assault rifle ammo?” Ayan asked; it appeared instantly “Thanks”

“Great” Complained the Russian “Now I have to create a protocol to get my men into Equestria so they don’t all get killed!”

“Bro why are you so scared?” Ayan asked; trying his best to jam the new clip of ammo into an already packed cabinet

“I can’t let those kids get killed” He then said in the background “Yuri! Check the lifelines!”

“Life lines?” Ayan asked

“It tells us if they are alive; but not where they are” The Russian said

“Really?” Ayan asked

“Yea you died like what twice now?” The Russian said; “How do you keep spawning anyways?”

“I don’t know” Ayan said; trying to whip his hair from inside his suit “I’m just that bro”

“Whatever” Said the Russian; “Yuri found a protocol to bring humans into Equestria; do you mind some sniper support?”

“As long as they are not shooting at me” Ayan said laughing at his own joke

“We’ll see”

Back to the plot *** Back to the plot

“Okay we are here everypony” I said waking up; I couldn’t help but notice Rarity was right next to me on the seat still asleep.

The real alarm clock came when the conductor’s brown voice came through the loudspeaker stating “Welcome to Canterlot, Equestria enjoy your stay.”

Everyone finally got up and off the train.

“Okay let’s split up now. Everypony know where we are heading?” I asked; everyone knew, our two groups headed in their separate ways. “Team 1” our team headed towards the imperial castle while “Team 2” everyone else headed to the maze; via back entrance.

We walked for a long time; even some times wasting time and going sightseeing; but not before long someone would get us back on track. We just hit the 24 hour mark when we finally came to the castle. At first two guards blocked the entrance, one of course being Major Faggot.

“Hey Major Faggot!” Mike said waving his hoof; the other pony just looked at us while Major Faggot acted surprised.

“What happened? Did you find the jewel?” He asked

“No we found a stone; Vespi fucked us and we are here now saving your ass.” Dan said

“Really…” he said “Is this royal business?”

“Yes it is!” Twilight said, stepping forward.

“I see” The other guard said “Why should we believe you?”

Mike actually surprised me for once “This is Twilight Sparkle bitch! She saved your ass once and she will do it again!”

The two guards just looked at each other and stepped apart; letting us enter

“Wow thank you MP” Twilight said, nuzzling against his hoof. I swear I saw Mike actually smile

The entire castle was teeming with life. You couldn’t count to 10 before a servant, guard, noble, or knight walked by you. We asked for directions several times; that was how big the castle had been. Eventually a well-dressed unicorn leaded us all the way.

“Thank you” MP said, did I call him MP? The names are growing on me

“It is my pleasure” Said the unicorn with a pompous smile “I’d do anything for Rarity”

Cool… wait fuck what!

Rarity gave out a nervous laugh “Okay… now leave us alone…please”

“O why? You know you want me.” He said; draping his face dangerously close to Rarity’s; of all places why must that have a metal detector in the castle?

“Fuck off” Rarity said; shoving him to the side, bouncing into Conor; who in turn pushed him into the wall.

“O how uncivilized!” Wailed the unicorn “Such plebian behavior, no wonder why your town is so impoverished.”

“Pony please” Rarity said putting up 1 hoof “See this?” She turned her hoof so the palm was out “This is how many shits I give” I laughed but when I saw the Unicorn smile as well I turned my smile into a grimace.

“O please don’t be so naïve Rarity” he said with that smile “You really should just stop acting like a baby and settle to be in my top 5 whores.”

O fucks no

“Vespi take this” I turned around to see Conor handing me a mini-crossbow.

“Hey asshole” I said; time to test an old meme “Where do you like your arrows?”

He gave me an aloof face

“Knee?” I fired the crossbow; launching the bolt right into the knee cap of the unicorn, it gave out a sickly snap and he fell back screaming.

“MY KNEE MY BEAUTIFUL KNEE IT IS THE SOURCE OF ALL OF MY POWER!” He screamed crying like a mare.

“I used to cry a lot” I said “Then I took an arrow in the knee.”

Me, Conor and the other stallions just laughed. Twilight and Rarity didn’t understand it though. We headed on, leaving the asshole to his fate; on the way I asked Rarity about who he was.

“Him? That was Prince Blueblood” She said aggravated by the entire event “He is a real obnoxious prick, thanks for shooting him with that crossbow. But C how did you bring a mini crossbow into a castle?”

“Simple; I shoved it up my ass and when the time came took it out. Loaded and everything” I dropped the crossbow

Conor always told the truth

The Guard to the dungeon allowed us in; he also warned us at leastly a dozen times about the old dungeon.

“Don’t worry we will be fine” I said

Meanwhile *** Meanwhile

“This isn’t an auspicious start” Ayan said, he was dressed as a juggernaut in the middle of Canterlot square; he was also already receiving oblique eyes from fascinated ponies who had never seen a juggernaut suit before, or a gun for that matter.

“Alrighty talking to you through private chat” The Russian said “No one but you can hear me; but people can hear you so be careful”

“WHAT?” Ayan asked, he wasn’t paying attention; but now he had more than one ponies attention.

“Shut the fuck up!” The Russian growled “Head to the old dungeon, you know what to do”

“Got you” Ayan said silently “Will Yuri be there too?”

“Yes just hurry; and good luck” The Russian was gone

This is your time to shine Ayan; save your friends.

Back to the plot *** Back to the plot

“Thank god we are finally past that puzzle” Blue Royce- I mean Dan said. Of all the dangerous things that were in old dungeons, who knew the worst was a giant puzzle? We spent at leastly an hour trying to form a sentence out of 40 blocks with letters on them turns out it was “I am the walrus hear me roar cause I am a boss lolol” that is too stupid to be funny, even for us.

“Thank god that is over” I said

“Indeed, now we can find the stone” Rarity said

We entered a musty room; covered in bones and cobwebs; according to Twilight things like this scared Rarity too death; and besides being jumpy like every other pony she seemed to be handling it fine.

We noticed a small box on top of an abnormally tall table.

“Dibs on carrying it” Conor said; grabbing it; all of a sudden a light brown hoof came out and punched Conor. He fell down; slumped next to the table; who had attacked Conor?

“Twilight more light, pronto!” Rarity ordered; Twilight gave a deep breath and lightened the entire room; there it was the attacker! It was the English pony from the last party!”

“Hello chaps; I see you found my stone for me” He said

“Doctor Whooves?” Twilight said “But why”

“Why? It is obvious! I am always left out!” He began, I knew a rant when I saw one so I blanked out. I just thought about Rarity; no extra info necessary.

“That is why I am going to kill you all and take the stones for myself!” The doctor now had a crossbow in hand. “Hasta Luego” Lucky for me we had a guardian angel. I saw 2 red laser sights jet out from the dark shattered ceiling and the cope de grace.

“LEROY JENKINS!” Ayan jumped down, SCAR in hand and blasted Doctor Whooves; several rounds came perilously close to Conor but when a bullet would graze the table Ayan would readjust his aim. A clip later and a dozen sniper shots later Doctor Whooves was dead.

“Jesus Ayan thank god!” I said “Wait weren’t you dead?”

“I spawned again” He said with a smile “I’ll tell you the entire story on the way back.”

Sadly I couldn’t meet the 2 snipers but Ayan said we would eventually; Twilight and Rarity were awe struck. They had never seen the likes of Ayan; wielding an assault rifle, encumbered by grenades and a riot shield; I had to admit say what you want about Ayan he was a hero for today. He grabbed the 2 stones; 1 from Doctor Whooves knapsack and the other from the case, woke Conor, and safely got us out. Pro

We got out of the dungeon and began to head to the maze to see how things were going with team 2.

“So how do you know him again?” Rarity joked

For the Leroy Jenkins line props goes to MC; thanks man!

-Vespi

Reaching an Accord

“Jesus Christ there you guys are!” I said; running towards Tyler; we had been wandering around Canterlot for the last 24 hours and of all places we find the team in a random bar.

“Hey guys you find the stone?” He asked finishing off his beer

“Yea; we found 2 actually now get off your ass and help us find the last part of the stone.”

“Fine, fine, fine” He said heading to the door; the entire team following

***

“Here we are; finally” Dan said; we had finally found the maze. It was massive, a giant green jungle of 90 degree angles and shit-tons of flammable grass as barriers.

“So what is the best way to do this” I asked

“Simple; let’s burn it” Nico said

“You cannot burn any of this maze!” A voice came out behind us; who was it?

Everypony turned around to see a surprising sight. This thing had the head of a pony; a lion’s paw and an assortment of other abnormal features.

“Discord!” Twilight screamed

“Hello again Twilight; I see we brought some additional help?” He said in a snide voice

“Is this a retarded pony or am I high?” Tyler asked rubbing his eyes

“You are not; but there are some RULES in my garden”

“It is the princess’s garden” Applejack spoke up

“Shut up!” He said with a wave of his lion’s paw “Here are the rules. No fire, no wings, no magic, no… what is that thing?” He was looking at Ayan

“He is just a pony” I said in a defensive tone

“Fine you can keep whatever that thing is” He said; I blinked my eyes only to find myself in a different place; was I teleported? I was!

“Jesus christ he can do that?” I said; he took my wings too!

“Yes I am magic!” He said “I am Discord after all” He gave out a cackle

“Whatever” Tyler said flipping him off.

“Okay mares let’s do this!” I heard Twilight say; followed by cheering and the racing of hooves.

“Did they just run off?” I asked

“I think so” Dan said

“Okay then; guys meet in the middle.”

Everyone agreed and we were off.

It was aggravating being in a maze alone; I didn’t know where the jewels were but I knew I had to find them. I just hoped everyone else would do fine.

***

“Dammit where is every pony” Mike muttered; it was annoying, this place was MASSIVE. He did his share of the deal; what are the odds though his other friends did jack and got drunk while they almost got shot by an English pony. Mike was so deep in thought he almost fell right on Twilight as he turned the corner.

“O hey Twilight” He said

“Hey MP” She said with a lusty look

“Do you think any of the others know about us?” Mike said; looking around to make sure it was just the two of them

“Nope” Twilight said; walking towards him “Just you and I know”

“I think Vespi has an idea but-“Mike was stopped short by Twilight who practically jumped him.

"Forgot to tell you; we are alone" She said with a giggle

***

“Please….” Discord begged

“No go away!” Dan said; first he is stuck in the maze and now he is being begged to screw over his friends.

“Come on!” Discord begged, grabbing onto his hoof “It’ll be worth it!”

“No”

“Please?”

“No”

“Please?”

“No”

“Fine, there are other ponies you know” Discord said whipping away a tear;

“Okay then leave me alone.” Dan said; for a super villain this guy was a bitch.

***

“Thank god I found you C” Tyler said; he wasn’t really concerned about the stone; more or less about not getting killed out in the middle of a maze.

“Good to see some pony too” C replied

“Find anything?” Tyler asked

“Nope”

“I found this” Conor lifted up a can of Gasoline and a lighter; wearing a pyromaniac’s maniacal smile.

“Where did you find this?”

“Asked the Russian dude” Conor said; beginning to pour the gasoline around a wall of lush green.

“Conor I’d be careful if I were you”

“Relax bro”

***

“Wait what…” Ayan said; something was wrong here. He had innocently turned a corner into a small opening; only to find a care package; right in the middle.

The second Ayan dropped down to grab the care package Discord appeared.

“Hello Ayan” He said with a smile “I have a proposition for you”

“Whoa there” Ayan said loading his assault rifle “My barn door doesn’t swing that way”

“O my god not like that” Discord said face palming himself “I need your help.”

“Okay” Ayan said

“I need you to do me a little favor” Discord said gesturing with his hand “Kill all your friends, kill everyone in this maze, then kill yourself; then you can have this care package.”

Ayan waited a second “No thanks; I will take this care package though” Ayan walked over and stole the care package.

“Fine; I hate you the most anyways!” Discord said “You’re the 7th friend! The mares managed to survive with only 6!”

“Yea” Ayan said, giving dual thumbs up “Well I made the experience 30% cooler”

***

“Hey Dashie; where do y’all think we are going?” Apple Jack said; they had been trapped here once, nonetheless it still seemed like an impossible labyrinth.

“No clue; just keep looking” Dashie said; the 2 turned a corner to see Nico digging a hole

“Hey there Augustus; what are you doing?” Applejack asked; Nico jumped and turned around

“O nothing; just trying to dig my way out.” He grimaced at the hole; it was only 3 feet deep and he was already tired.

“Okay…” Rainbow Dash said… “Hey do you guys smell smoke?”

“Yea I smell that too…” Applejack added

“Wait a second… aw crap” Nico said

***

Everypony was teleported right back to the start. We all saw in the distance that there was a fire raging in the far back; its crimson red flames burning away at the feeble green. We also saw Twilight and Mikes surprised looks when they were in clear sight of 10 other ponies; apprently neither were virgins anymore...

“I warned you all!” Discord said “No FIRE!” He then turned to Twilight and Mike "And i warned you; use a dam condom!" Both blushed

“Sorry man; I hate mazes” Conor said; trying to keep the situation in check

“Fine; well I’m keeping the last stone now” Discord said; he gave a mischievous smile and showed us the last stone; hiding the entire time in his back pocket.

“Really, you think you’ve won?” Ayan asked, stepping forward. “I have something better than a stone; friends!”

Discord laughed; I was disappointed I felt like-

“With sniper rifles: SHOOT THAT MUTHA!”

I saw a lone red dot flash and shoot Discord right on the thigh; he dropped to the planet with a loud thump; meanwhile Ayan grabbed us all and made us duck far away.

“EVERYONE SHOOT AT THE SAME TIME!” Ayan screamed; now the sole laser dot was being helped by dozens of others, all surprisingly missing. We could see the lead travel sometimes only centimeters away from Discord; smashing into the ground.

“PREDATOR MISSLE! PREDDIE! PREDDIE!” Ayan screamed into his headset; Mike snatched up Ayan’s headset “NO PREDATORS! JUST AC-130 HIM!”

Ever hear “Holiday” by Green day? Well when I saw several large 20m shells smash into Discord; followed by a massive 135m shell I thought of that song.

Can I get another amen?

Amen!

There is a flag wrapped around a score of men!

Aye!

When the dust cleared and the song left my head Discord was nothing short of dust. The damaged stone was there; not incorrigibly damaged but still could be passed down as “Used”

“Thank god” Tyler said “Ayan where did you guys get this stuff?”

“I have my places” He said with a wink.

“Let’s get back to the princess; she will want to defeat Nightmare moon now.

“Afterwards can we have a party?” Pinkie Pie butted in.

“Sure… first round is on me too" I said with a smile

Nightmare's over

Heading back to the imperial court, and Princess Celestia was surprisingly dull. We saw Major Faggot again; but other than that it was boring; besides us seeing “Prince” Blueblood in his cast, he took an arrow to the knee.

It was surprising how the guards already knew about us; I mean wasn’t there such thing as media? If the princess sent out 13 random ponies to go save Equestria wouldn’t anyone, besides ponies directly involved, care? I guess not.

“Good to see you ponies are alright” Princess Celestia said “Do you have the stones?”

“Yes, we have 4 stones; apparently Doctor Whooves had been hiding one from us.” I said, taking the 3 stones out, putting them in a box with the first stone we had found.

“Okay, I will begin to activate the stones” Princess Celestia said; a bright blue aura of magic came out of her horn and shot into the 4 stones; making them a whole stone. The outlines were still white at first; but when the aura hit them the entire border became blood red.

“Sexybanana69” The princess murmured

“Wait what?” Tyler asked in surprise

“The stone can only be fully activated, bringing Nightmare Moon into our universe, by sing a secret code password.

“And it is sexybanana69?” I asked

“It used to be just sexybanana” The princess said embarrassed “But now you have to add numbers to it.

“Fucking annoying” Mike added

“Okay you 13 if you want to you to leave” The princess ordered “It would be unethical for me to have you around in the middle of the greatest battle of all time”

“Can we watch?” I asked; I saw Pinkie Pie eyeing the exit, probably wanting to get popcorn.

“I see no reason why not” She said; we all hid in the nearby corner, it was a tiny alcove to be exact, giving us protection but a nice view for the battle.

“Ready sis?” Celestia said; looking towards her sister

“Let’s get her” Luna said

The floor vibrates, the popcorn (Pinkie Pie found some in the lapse of time) vibrated, it seemed as though the entire room was rocking up and down. Like that the stone exploded into four pieces again, this time unearthing a demon. She had pitch black coloring, and a deep purple mane like Luna’s; it looked a lot like Luna, the part of Luna that was corrupted

“I see you want a mercy killing done?” She asked in a snide voice.

“We are here to end this!” Princess Celestia said

“Interesting” Nightmare moon said, casually flapping her wings “You were always such a goodie-two shoes virgin. Always doing the good stuff anyways-”

“O hell no” The princess said aiming her horn “Bitch I am dragging you to hell!”

“Celly calm down” Luna said, trying to calm her sister down

Too late, Celly and Nightmare moon collided; smashing horns, heads, and bodies. The princess got the upper hand at first but instantly Nightmare moon levitated Celly into the wall, causing debris to fall on her. Luna came in to protect her sister, tossing a jagged sharp marble rock straight towards Nightmare Moon, smashing right into her cranium. She fell back into the opposite wall dazed.

“Wait, wait a second” Celestia said, getting out of the rubble “Just realized we are all immortal”

There was an awkward silence for a moment

“O yea… forgot about that…” Nightmare Moon said embarrassed

“So how do we settle this?” Luna said

“Ice-skating!”

“Dancing!”

“Checkers!”

“360 no-scopes!”

“Guys you sound seriously retarded right now” Nico said “I know what we can do to settle this” He exited the alcove, and looked back at Ayan “Ayan you spawn right?”

15 minutes later *** 15 minutes later

“Okay we are going to play a simple game; it is called toss the Ayan” Nico announced; we were all there on the palaces roof; we had Ayan in a juggernaut suit and markers going to 10000 feet in 1 general direction.

“The goal of this game is to toss this retard” He pointed towards Ayan “As far as possible without using magic.”  He waited a second “Any questions?”

Pinkie Pie raised her hand “When do I go?”

“Sweetie you don’t go” Rarity said “This is just for these 3 alicorns”

“O okidoki” Pinkie Pie said with her traditional smile

Princess Celestia went first; she snatched Ayan up my the neck and chucked him like a baseball; he went soaring into the horizon; after a brief couple of seconds we all heard a loud explosion; using binoculars we saw a crater in the once proud maze.

“That is… 6078 feet!” Nico announced

There was a ton of clapping from us audience.

“Hey Nico” I asked “How are we going to go get him now.”

As Tyler began to explain a possible method we all put our hoofs to our noses; even the mares did; when Tyler finished he was the last one; everyone shared a nice laugh, except Tyler of course.

“Comon guys seriously?” He begged “Your making an Earth Pony go get him?” It was the game; although it took 2 hours he was back. Luna was up next; she just kicked Ayan like a soccer ball; he went soaring even farther.

“7702 feet” Nico announced

“Not half bad Lulu” Celly teased; again we made Tyler go get Ayan; somehow Ayan was still alive; giving us a thumbs up from inside his suit. Nightmare Moon was the last contestant.

She tried to throw Ayan like Celly; sadly her grip was terrible and he slid out of her hand.

“67 feet” Nico announced; Celly and Luna had won by a long shot. We all began cheering Nightmare Moon just grimaced for the moment, before smiling and laughing.

“Silly fools! Remember I’m immortal! What was the point of doing that anyways?” She said haughtily laughing in our faces.

“All I wanted to see was how far you guys could throw Ayan” Nico said now looking sad and morose.

“Guys” Ayan said; Celestia must of teleported him “Waka, flaka, chewbaca”

“What does that mean? Is that some kind of stupid joke?” I saw a lone red dot sight appear and slowly move its way to Nightmare Moon “Of all the dumb and random things” it was getting closer “And one more thing” It was right on her forehead, Luna and Celestia saw it, but didn’t know what to make of it.

“Hey Nightmare Moon” I said giggling “You got something on your face”

Before she could move her hoof a fiery piece of lead came and shot Nightmare Moon in between the eyes; she stumbled and edged aloofly towards the balcony. Luna and Nico rammed into her knocking her off completely. She fell down; impaling her right hoof heel on a long and conical razor sharp pole.

“My Nightmares heel, my weakness” She murmured

Her Achilles heel was her heel; I would of never guessed.

“Well I believe she is done for” The princess said with a smirk “I thank you 13 for your unflinching support; bless you all.”

“So now what?” I asked

Celly smiled “Well I heard Pinkie Pie would like to have a party; and this castle has a party hall…”

“Fine 3 days from now at 6 P.M. sharp” Dan said yawning; it was midnight and everyone was dead tired.

“Okay you all can go sleep in the castle for the night. Luna and I will lead you to the rooms.”

We began heading downstairs when I was tapped on the shoulder by Conor “The Russian told me he needs at leastly a year to make the new protocol”

“But what about the snipers?”

“They can leave; they’re human”

“I see” I had to admit this place was becoming a home away from home “Okay then; thank you C”

“No problem”

I gulped, 1 year?

The Truth

Cloppery in the end; otherwise enjoy

-Vespi

“So what is really wrong?” I asked; I was I the only place of solace in the bustling castle; the bathroom.

“Everything” The Russian muttered “Everything must be recoded, I literally have 5 other scientists and 2 security guards in the house right now; AND I am shit tired, I was so tired almost forgot to get Yuri out of the place!”

“Wow really? I’m calling bluff on the scientist part” I said, chuckling

“LEV! Come over here” I now heard a second voice “Yea?”

“Speak into this mic” Ordered the Russian

“Hello?” Lev asked

“Wow, really…” I said; so he was trying.

“Yes; now go get some sleep, enjoy yourself. Also you should know that Yuri and his guys are out of Equestria” He said

“Russian out”

I was alone again

I was walking down the hall when I spotted Tyler talking with Nico “So do you think the snipers escaped?”

“They did” I said; checking behind me to make sure I wasn’t being followed

“Good” Tyler said “So we are stuck here for a year huh? Not as bad as I thought” the 3 of us headed into a small room; there was a bar, sofa, and a nice fireplace.

“How do you think the Russian can do it?” I asked, it was coming on my mind more and more each day as the Russian revealed power after power “I mean us being here in the first place is insane, then there Is the random items, then there is Ayan’s spawning, then the snipers, and the guns. What do you think he means about Project BRONY?”

The 2 gave me a disturbed look “Project BRONY?” They both asked

“Remember? Whatever this entire thing is for; that is the name” I was now pondering on why humanity would need to teleport to a random world filled with ponies?

“Yea, it is weird” Nico said; Tyler at first nodded but turned ghost white. We both looked around, just in time to see a swift shadow sneak away.

“Get him!”

“Break his legs!” Nico hollered

“Relax kids” He began to walk out; I saw a grey hoof and that was all. “Are you sure you will want to know? The story is pretty sad”

“Yea, yea sure I love stories anyways” I said; the mysterious shadow revealed itself. It was a Pale grey Earth mare. She was wearing a prim little pink bow tie. She trotted over to the couch.

“Does the name Alexandra Heinz mean anything to any pony?” She said sitting down

“No, Alexander Heinz does though, remember guys he said if we find him he is dead?” Nico and Tyler gave a nod.

The mare giggled “Stupid Boris, always screwing up names” She returned to her serious demeanor “Don’t tell him I am here though, he is probably still pretty pissed. “

We heard a cackle and the mare practically jumped out of her seat

“Alexandra! How’s it been?” The Russian said with a second cackle

“Good, I see you told these kids I was a guy, huh you freaky bastard?” She said kidding

“What aren’t you a transvestite?” He said, and 2 shared a laugh.

“Okay let’s not derail the subject so what happened?” I asked

“Well here is the scoop” Began the mare “Me and Boris over here were members of the old communist KGB. Sadly like all KGB members we did a little side work… we immersed ourselves in a organized crime section called the Inner Circle. The Inner Circle wasn’t your normal punk clan. We had lobbyists on Capitol Hill, hidden cameras in the Kremlin, and agents in the SAS. We were a massive mercenary group, nicely armed with bullet proof vests, machine guns, helicopters, and im pretty sure Makarov was hiding a tank somewhere, right Boris?”

“Yup”

“So anyways Makarov, our leader, wanted more money to fund a second project. What is better than resources when it comes to money? Nothing. One day Makarov gave us the insane idea of a dimensional theory he pulled out of his ass. No pony- I mean nobody believed him but millions of dollars latter here we are.”

She motioned with her hand around the room.

“I was sent in first, I was originally a tiny little filly, but now I’ve grown to, about your age I believe, 18 right?” The Russian nodded

“So you see when you went through the teleporter you came here; on the other side of the universe. I guess you don’t need a warning about saying any human stuff?”  We all nodded

“Good, now you know the entire background” She was about to get up when Nico stopped her

“Hang on; if the government can’t do this stuff how can you? Nico asked, motioning for her to stay seated,

“Well alien technology” She said brushing her hoof against the carpet “They were pretty pissed”

“Are they going to attack or something?” I asked, she giggled

“No, for a good time I bet they will just make shiny lights in the sky and then delete them before people can get their cameras out; just to make them feel stupid.” She said … wow…

We all said goodbye, Augustus and Octavia (As her pony name is) agreed to have 1 last drink, me and Tyler went in opposite directions; he went to go to the bathroom; I headed to my room. The surprising story had given me some sort of jitteriness, like there was electricity in the air. When I was about a hallway away from my room Rarity appeared from a closed door.

“Hey Vespi, how is it going?” She asked

“Pretty good, just heading off to bed” I said

“Where is your bedroom again?” She asked smiling

I pointed to it

“O but that is soooo far away! If you like you can stay in my room for the night; everypony after all needs there beauty sleep.”

Was she coming on to me?

“Sure, I am pretty tired” Now I was lying, I was electrified before, now I was just jolted with excitement.

Rarity’s room was just like every ponies else’s room, it had a bed with a nice distinct red covering, a table, refrigerator, several nice landscape paintings, a clock, and a bathroom.

When I entered Rarity jumped on the bed giggling; I mimicked her doing a cannonball onto the soft bed. For a moment we just laid their laughing before Rarity cuddled up beside me.

“So want to finish where we started?” I asked, nuzzling her

“Sure, I believe it was… your turn?” She said, waiting for me to get under the covers, at the same time slowly (Just how I like it) putting her head under the covers.

When I finally got under the covers Rarity didn’t wait a second, she sniffed right by my member and gave it a jolly lick. I had to grip the pillow to stay silent; that wasn’t enough when she finally put her lips over the top and slowly (How I like it…remember?) over its entirety. She finally began moving her head back and forth; pleasuring me immediately… sadly luck was a bitch.

Maybe 15-20 seconds later there was a knock on the door.

“Hey Rarity, y’all in there? Pinkie Pie ate my darn toothpaste; can I borrow some of yawls?”

Rarity didn’t even stop; talk about a sticky situation.

I tried to wait Applejack out, staying as silent as possible; even as Rarity was giving me head.

“Sugarcube I can hear y’all breathing am I going to have to break this here door down? “

Crap; this would be an awkward situation as it is; it would be even more awkward if Applejack had to knock the door down; for everypony to see! I had a plan…

“Hey Applejack is that you? It’s Vespi” Rarity finally stopped sucking on my member (Right before I was going to cum too) she finally moved her head from out of the opaque covers and gave me a look.

“Vespi, what are y’all doing in Rarity’s room?!” Applejack questioned

“Pinkie Pie ate my toothpaste too” I said “The door is blocked or something… I think it has to do with the lock… we can’t open the door.”

“Well that is easy I’ll just kick the door down”

Crap!

“I don’t think that could work; I’m trying to fix it; just go get toothpaste from some other pony”

I gave Rarity a wink and for a split second she put her head under the covers again

“Okay, I’ll go find the princess and ask her to help out”

Double crap

“Umm Applejack” Rarity spoke up “That is fine just go get some other ponies toothpaste, okay?” out of the blue I gave her a lick on the cheek; she gave out a giggle before her hoof could get over her mouth.

“Hang on, are you 2 foaling around?” Applejack said

“Calm down Applejack, just go back to bed before some pony hears you” I said

“Vespi everypony can hear you” Jesus that was Dan! But Dan was already asleep; o wait CRAP!.

“Yea seriously you 2 just do it; so we can all get some sleep” Twilight said

“Seriously guys? Thanks for fucking up the moment.” I said; well this was awkward.

“Seriously just do it; am I right Nico?” Tyler said; Nico didn’t answer

“Nico; am I right?”

Silence

“Nico”

Silence

“Where is Nico?”

***

“Really, you don’t say” Octavia said, giggling over a second bottle of Whiskey

“Yup; me and my friends have always had crazy adventures, I remember when we-“

The stories went on for another hour; each one telling stories of childhood, memorable moments and they even got a little philosophical.

“If you ask me; the meaning of life is to do what you want to do” Nico said, swirling around the dregs of his whiskey.

“If you ask me it is what you have to do” Octavia replied “I agreed to this entire thing because of that canon”

“True; wait before you said you have been here for a while, right?”

She nodded “6 years; know why I’m here now?”

“Why?” Nico asked, she whispered in his ear “I loved it here, it was home, I sabotaged the return protocol when he brought me back; he’s not going to fix it for a while.”

Nico gulped

The meaning of life- do what you want

***

I was in heaven; I was with the mare I loved and just got blown; we were now just gently cuddling and kissing.

“Vespi can I tell you the truth?” Rarity asked, laying right next to me

“Sure”

“Vespi I love you; you’re the greatest thing that had ever happened to me.” She said now laying on top of me

“This is how I expected it to be” She smirked

“Same” I said, I reached up to kiss her, but she came down to meet me half way.

“I love you Rarity” breaking the kiss for only a second

“I love you to, now love me” She said laughing

I kicked her softly in the butt; just enough for her to fall right on me (And my member). Her falling on my member caused me to enter her like a bullet. She stifled a moan by starting a deep, passionate kiss. All the while I was moving my hips, constantly entering her; all the way, all the time. It went on like that for a couple minutes; before long I could feel myself coming close, this was pretty surprising my entire body just felt like I got hit by a baseball; but instead of pain I just felt pleasure and love. Eventually I heard Rarity’s moaning intensify and heard her whisper “O my god here it comes” just like that I entered her as deep as possible. Rarity gave out a muffled squeal and we miraculously cumed at the same time; melting into the bed.

“That was amazing” Rarity said; lying next to me; both of us staring absentmindedly at the ceiling “Just how I imagined it”

“That was pretty awesome” I said; I wasn’t sure if any pony could hear me; frankly I didn’t care.

“Got a couple more rounds?” I asked

“Dam right”

***

Nico was somewhat disgruntled; he left, not having the nerve to offer her to have a drink in his room, by the end she was drunk enough.

He walked down the hallway towards his room when he could hear giggling and a muffled moan every now and then. Nico couldn’t help but smirk it sadness and happiness. Every pony had some pony but him.

He took one last sip of whiskey before dropping his glass onto the floor and heading into his room; he had a weird guilty feeling sadly;

He knew the complete truth

The Best Night EVER - Prologue

Cloppery in the beginning; this took a while but expect the next 7 chapters to go by faster. Enjoy

-Vespi

The next morning felt very pleasant; I looked outside of an open window to see a fluttery breeze and the revenants of proud trees; now barren by the upcoming winter and the tenacious cold weather. I woke up with Rarity still on top of me; sleeping tranquilly.

I whispered in her ear “Honey time to wake up” she didn’t move “Honey…” This time she finally gave me a reaction; she just turned over to the other side of the bed taking the covers with her.

“Tired?” I asked

“Give me just 5 more minutes” She said, dozing off again. I couldn’t help but smirk; it was 10 o’clock!

“It’s already 10 o’clock, your friends are probably looking for you; anyways were going to miss breakfast.”

“That’s fine” She said, snugging up the covers some more

“What are you going to sleep in my foal fluid forever?” I said with a giggle

“True; I am a little hungry” She now turned onto her stomach; but still trying to sleep, I had an idea.

Like a ninja I crawled to the bottom of the bed; right In between Rarity’s haunches; I crawled under the covers and gave Rarity’s inner thigh; Rarity jumped and I almost heard her hit her head against the wall.

“You awake yet?” I asked

“Yea; but just don’t stop” She said giggling

So I didn’t stop I began licking her special parts in small circular motions; she still tasted like meat (No shit). Eventually I began using my entire mouth to get inside and begin to eat her out; I heard her say I ecstasy “I’m never going to need an alarm clock ever again” Eventually she finished; this time actually banging her head against the wall, but giggling. I moved my head from the covers

“Ready to go eat breakfast?”

“Sure, but it’s your turn.”

Another 10 minutes later (and a hole in the wall) we headed outside for breakfast.

***

“Hey guys” I said, heading over to their table. Considering we were commoners we had it made; we were all having breakfast in a room high on one of the towers; 1 of the walls was just a giant window which we could use to see mile upon mile of houses, business, and even at farthest some soothing grassy green hills.

“What took you so long?” Nico asked

“I slept in” I said

“Sure you did” Mike said with a giggle, sipping his orange juice.

“What did you guys do after I went to bed?” I asked

“Well I accidently maced Rainbow Dash” Dan said

“Where did you get mace?” Conor asked

Dan showed a little bottle “I asked the Russian for some”

“Okay and?” Tyler said, now beginning to head over to get more bacon.

“So yea; I fell asleep, and Dashie like came into my room when I was asleep and like began bouncing on me” Dan said “So I didn’t know who she was when I woke up; so I maced her”

“Smooth” Mike said

“True; is everypony done?” Nico asked; I had just begun, but I didn’t really have much of an appetite so I just headed over to trash the rest of my toast.

“What are we doing today then if the party is in 3 days?” I asked

“The princess gave us the job of working on the party” Mike muttered “She said it’s now the Grand Galloping Gala” everypony but us 6 stopped what they were doing and looked at us

“The Grand Galloping Gala?”

“There working on the Gala?

“Wow lucky”

“Wait we’re working on the Grand Galloping Gala?” Twilight asked

“Yea; it’s a big deal I guess?” I said

“Why of course it is! The Gala is the party for the elite of Equestria! Anybody who is 20% cooler is there” Rainbow Dash said with her natual pompous grin

“Yea this is huge!” Twilight said

“Hey what did you guys do to earn that privilege?” The chef asked, poking his orange head out of the kitchen

“Don’t worry about it” Conor said “Okay let’s go guys she said to meet her in the party hall at 10:30”

***

“Okay so what exactly do we need?” I asked the 6 of us were organizing the party, when we Charlie foxtrotted it (Code for Cluster fuck) Princess Celestia asked for a volunteer to help us, some guy named Fancy Pants took up the job

“Well we are going to need: Food, entertainment, security, decorations, and small miscellaneous things.” Fancy Pants said

“Okay for food just make it chips and salsa, that kind of stuff” Mike said, seriously that was even abnormally stupid for Mike

Fancy Pants just looked at Mike “The ponies are expecting dinner you know,”

“O; Conor just bake like 1000 brownies” Mike said; Conor nodded

“Um; just brownies? That is it?” Fancy pants said, for a rich snobbish pony he had surprising patience

“Well just serve dinner have the cooks make a normal meal” I said, trying to formulate a plan “What’s next?”

“Entertainment; no pony will stay at a party that is not trilling” Fancy Pants said

“What was the name of that DJ pony from before?” I asked

“DJ-PON3” Dan said

“Yea what was here name?”

“DJ-PON3”

“Okay; what is her name?”

“Her name was DJ-PON3 dumbass” Mike said ending the conversation

“O” I blushed “Yea have her and what was the entertainment from the last party?”

“Well there was more classical music and the Wonderbolts of course.” Fancy Pants said

“Wonderbolts sound good” I said

“I see; and what about any type of security?”

“What; so people don’t steal stuff?” I asked

“No to; keep out the not invited” Fancy Pants replied; he was checking the time on a fancy golden wrist watch

“Can’t we just invite everypony?” I asked

Fancy Pants dropped his watch; it gave out a loud clanking sound as it hit the marble floor

“You mean, make it a PUBLIC party?” Fancy Pants asked using his magic to pick up his watch

“Yea; you know, dancing, partying, stuff like that” I said

“Gerbil racing, fist fighting” Mike added

“Juggernaut duels, checkers” Ayan concluded

“Well; it has never been done” Fancy Pants said; rubbing his chin “But you are in charge of the party.”

For the next hour we got similar responses by our other helpers; everypony, from the top organizer, to the lowest laborer was astonished that we were going to make the Grand Galloping Gala a public party.

***

“Yea hang on guys I need to grab something from my room” Nico said; heading down the stairs to his room. He had forgotten his fancy novelty top hat. He opened the door and saw it lying on top of his bed. But that wasn’t where he put it; did someone leave the hat there?  Nico approached the hat cautiously; on top was a note, it read:

01010111 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110100 01100011 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101

Supernova

What the hell? Who left this note? Nico pondered about it for a wee second, before realizing it was probably Tyler or Dan, or even Vespi trying to pull a trick to freak him out.

“Nice try Mike” Nico said out loud, he grabbed his hat, tossing the note on his bed and headed for the door.

If only he had read the letter

Every second he was in the ball room, under the mirror ceiling there was a target on him.

“Do you think he knows?”

“I hope not, I want to try one of these hollow points”

***

The next 3 days were tedious at best; all we did was sit down and plan, I mean plan everything; To the littlest ordure (It took me a 1000 times to learn how to spell ordure).  Most of the time I sadly didn’t get a chance to see Rarity, or her bedroom; then again I wasn’t really concerned, we were about to have a massive party in a big ass castle…mansion…place.

When the night came I looked out of my window to see ponies lined up to enter; the princess ordered the men to let no pony in until 6 o’clock sharp; everything was set. My friend Ace and the Wonderbolts were set, fireworks, the dance floor, DJ-PON3 and the assorted ideas we came up with were all set. Ayan was hosting a juggernaut duel zone while Dan was holding the races.

We all met at 5:55 in the main courtyard; in 5 minutes sharp right on the second we heard a loud roar of excitement as the main gates were flooded with ponies. The party was on

“Well guys I guess we should stay together, right?” I looked behind me, no one was there

Great; spending another party alone while everypony else was doing their own thing, it wasn’t really a party without all 6 of us (7 if you count Ayan) together.

“Meh what the hell” I said, heading off into the party

The Grand Galloping Gala had begun

To Tyler,

Yes if you read this I am using your idea, you happy?

-Vespi

P.S. Also sorry for the wait again

The Best Night EVER - Vespi


It was all so exciting; even though I knew about everything ahead of time but this was an amazing spectacle to see in reality; the massive horde of ponies in every room, courtyard and tower. The food, the entertainment it was a true miracle.

The first half hour was me trying to get to the dam courtyard; seriously a complete HALF HOUR!!! It took maybe 10 minutes normally, but with the extra ponies congesting every route the extra 20 minutes felt like an hour.

When I got there I saw Applejack hosting… gerbil racing. Apparently there were 8 gerbils (I saw 7 though) and ponies betted money on which would win. Since AJ knew me I just brushed by the crowd and confronted her.

“Sup AJ what you doing?” I asked

“Making a fortune” He said, counting his money, stored in a small pouch “I’m hitting it big with this stuff. What have you been doing for the last half hour?”

“Getting here” I said, grimacing behind me at the massive crowd “What happened to gerbil number 6?”

“C ate him” Applejack said “C went insane like 15 minutes ago; that bastard loves his parties!” Applejack said laughing, grabbing a beer out of a cooler

“Okay then…” I said, backing away. I turned around to see a panting Twilight Sparkle heading towards my way

What happened?

“Thank god I found you Vespi” Twilight said, still breathing heavily “Your friend Dan is starting a riot; the Colonel said if you don’t calm him down they’re going to start cracking heads.”

“Wait what? Why?” I asked; had shit hit the fan in only 30 minutes?

“I don’t know; Dan got in a fight, and then the Wonderbolts- and then it just got crazy from there” She tried to catch her breath, letting out a long exhale “Go find your friend Dan; he was at the main gate the last time I saw him” Twilight said

Dammit the gate! I was just there half an hour ago!

I began rushing back; now I could tell that most of the ponies were heading deeper into the courtyard; shying away from the apparent riot at the front gate. Thanks to the help of the departing ponies the trip only took 15 minutes now.

When I got there I saw what Twilight meant; there was a large crowd of ponies standing off with a group of mean looking royal guards led by none other than Major Faggot.

“Dan, what the hell is going on?” I asked; he and a group of the stallions were yelling obscenities at the Royal Guards

“Hey bro, what is going on?” Dan said turning around with a smile “I guess you’re curious on what is going on…”

“Yea why is there a fucking riot going on. IN HASN’T EVEN BEEN AN HOUR!” I said

“Don’t ask; here just take this” He handed me a Molotov cocktail. It was an empty beer bottle with a string at the top; when lit it wound make a tidy little fire… so where did Dan get these?

“Dan I’m not throwing this” I said; Dan pulled out a lighter and ignited the device

“Then I advise you leave.” He said with a smile, before finally chucking it into the crowd of Royal guards. Have you ever seen a horde of civilians fighting riot police? Well it looked like Jesus shat out a hand grenade and the entire universe was right next to the grenade… if that makes any sense. When the Molotov hit it was instantly snuffed out by a circumspect guard; that didn’t stop the entire Royal Guard from running straight forward into Dan’s coalition of drunken idiots.

Frankly I didn’t want to know what happened next; I just backed away from the brawl. I just ran right into the nearest door; leading to a giant tower; I was up the first flight of stairs when I heard “CONOR WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!” I looked out a window. There was Conor; sitting on a giant blue bear; attacking both factions.

“DINGALINGALING NIGGAS!” I heard Conor scream. Remember what I said about last year’s Catillion? Yes well Conor did it all over again. But this time it was 10 xs worst.

Frankly I didn’t want to have anything to do with whatever was happening out in the courtyard. Perfect time for me to run into Nico

“Thank god I found you Nico; what are you doing?” I asked

“Can’t talk being shot at” He didn’t even stop running; he turned the corner just in time for a bullet to hit the wall refracting dangerously towards me.

Wait what is going on?

Then I saw 2 humans shrouded in black run across the hallway; they were both carrying M14 EBRs.

“Civie have you seen that pony?” One asked; I hated when police officers tried the ‘you’re a civie I’m an officer’ crap on people.

“Yea he went through the window” I said; I was joking of course, the window wasn’t even broken. But these guys were hardcore U.S. folk I assumed

“Thanks civie” The man said smashing the window “GRAPEVINE! We are grappling”

Code names? Really?

“Sir this civie is obviously lying; the window wasn’t even broken!” Grapevine protested

“FUCK LOGIC! FOLLOW YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER!” The leader fastened himself to the window and began to drop down the tower wall. You know the motto “never leave a man behind”? Well Grapevine just slashed the rope; leaving the leader to fall down 5 stories into a hard looking group of trees; hugging the castle.

“I hate that guy” Grapevine said scratching the back of his head

“Okay… I’m going to leave then” I said backing away

“Alrighty see you civie” The man put his own grapple on the window and began hoisting down.

Well it seems stuff was becoming stranger every minute; I saw a horde of brightly colored bugs fly through the courtyard beginning to eat everything. That’s where I saw Ayan; weilding a bulky looking flamethrower

“Thank god you’re here Ayan! What is going on?”

“Vespi, it’s Tyler” Tyler said; shooting fire into the air using a flamethrower

“Wait where’s Ayan?” I asked confused

“Fighting the Ursa Major; he sent me to get rid of the parasprites that Rainbow Dash released”

“Wait what? Parasprites? Ursa Majors?” I asked; this was becoming weirder every moment

“Yea don’t ask; this first half an hour is pretty strange” He stopped or a moment to blast fire at a cluster of parasprites; they fell to the ground shriveled up and brown.

“Umm are these things dangerous?” I asked; it didn’t seem like they were eating ponies; but they were nipping at clothing, food, and the castle itself.

“Not really; they ate Tyrus but other than that there fine.” Tyler said I could vaguely see his mane through the thick bulletproof juggernaut suit.

“Who’s Tyrus?” I asked

“Don’t worry about it; just go… go do something… Boris! More fire!” I saw a random case of fuel drop down; good old Boris

I had no clue on what was going on. Everything seemed out of the normal; or was it? Was giant blue bears, riots, parasprites, human assassins, and Tyler the pyromaniac out of order? No wait it was. Luckily I saw Rarity heading back to my room; lucky me.

“Hey Rarity; what is going on outside?” I asked, maybe she knew something

“I don’t have a clue; I took a 15 minute cat nap and saw that.” She said pointing outside to a group of Royal Guards fighting off the Ursa Major.

“Okay…” I said “I was stuck walking in the castle for the last half hour; something really weird must of happened when I was gone” I turned to the opposite window; Tyler apparently had set something on fire and most of the ponies in the courtyard were in the process of running or fighting the fire. I even heard Applejack scream “Save the gerbils!”

“Wow” Rarity said rubbing her eyes “When did that happen?”

“In the time it took me to get from the courtyard to here” I said with a smile

“So since the entire castle has gone to hell was should we do?” She said with that lusty smile

“Sex?” I asked smiling

“Sex it is” Rarity said with a laugh.

Normally 6 friends and luck is all I need; but today luck was a bitch. When we were in pissing range of Rarity’s room I heard an Upper-Midwest accent come from behind us. “Rarity? Is that you sweetie?”

I was expecting a friend of Rarity; but this mare was older. She could have been old enough to meet Rarity’s mother

“Hi Mom!”

Crap

“Hey deary! Who is this?” I turned around to see a little and smiley pink mare with a 60’s haircut

“O this is Vespi; Vespi meet my mother.”

You thought the incident with AJ was awkward? Well I was in the middle of the castle in hell meeting Rarity’s mom.

“Nice to meet you" I said going to shake her hoof; fortunately she didn’t move away

“Nice to meet you; so how do you know my daughter Rarity?” she said, still smiling

What should I say?

“I’m her… friend?” I said blushing; she nodded

“Well I guess I should eat dinner; I’m famished! Rarity you should come with me!” The mare said

“I actually already ate; where’s Dad?” Rarity asked

“Already eating; we shouldn’t keep him waiting” The mare began heading the other way

“Later; I’ll find a way to sneak out of this” Rarity said; waiting for her mother to get out of audible range

“Okay; just don’t get burned, eaten, beaten, or whatever the hell is going out there.” I said with a wink

When she passed the corner I just realized; I had been cock blocked… this was really a strange night.

Don't get the story? Good you shouldn't

-Vespi

The Best Night EVER - Dan

The night started good for Dan, hell it started great. Before the Wonderbolts even got on the stage he met one named Ace and even got an autograph. He also obtained a large quantity of beer from his friendly bartender Applejack.

The Wonderbolts it seemed weren’t going on until 8; so Dan, the Wonderbolts, and a group of other ponies found a nice little room, deployed their keg and enjoy a good 15 minutes of drunken shenanigans.

Dan didn’t know it; Ace didn’t know it, no pony knew it but apparently the room was a private room and they had to leave. Dan wasn’t the one to be kicked out of his own party.

“Wait what is this room used for anyways?” Dan asked a brutish looking Guard

“Private purposes” He said

“Hey asshole” Ace said, snapping his hoof “We are the Wonderbolts; we are celebrities. You’re a guard; let us have our fun and you go do your job.” That didn’t seem to fly with the guard

“Ponies I am going to ask you to leave, or force you to leave.” He said warning them

“You versus all of us?” Ace said; taking off his sunglasses; Dan and several other stallions stood behind Ace to attempt to intimidate the guard “What are you going to do?”

“I am going to arrest everypony here” The guard said

“Go annoy MP about his gerbil racing; we are having fun here.” Dan said

“I am asking you one last time, leave now” The guard ordered; no one moved

“I think this will end well for us.”

***

“Ace seriously, what the hell!” Dan said; not only were they all going to get arrested but Ace single handedly started an angry mob and blamed Dan; Dan thought that was low even for Mike the liar.

“Bro calm down we got this’ Ace said; now instead of having a numerical advantage and a terrain advantage they took the fight to right out in front of the gate; Dan thought that was okay; 50 versus 1. Little did Dan know that the Royal Guard Barracks was maybe 5 minutes walking distance from the front gate.

“Give it 15 minutes; I promise this will blow over” Ace said reassuring Dan; who knows maybe this will end better than expected.

***

“IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN AN HOUR!” Vespi said; he looked as though he swallowed a brick and shat it out.

Things hadn’t just blown over as expected; things got worse. The head of the guard was out there ordering Dan to stand down.

Luckily Dan had 2 things in his favor; Russian guerilla tactics and Dashie. Dan in secret told Dashie to go to the animal sanctuary behind the castle and find the most obnoxious animal she could find and let it loose on the guards. Genius right?

“We are ordering you for the 69th time please stand down” Dan recognized the voice; it was Major Faggot.

Dan tossed Vespi a Molotov cocktail; frankly Dan if sober would have never done that; but Dan was piss drunk.

“Dan I’m not throwing this” Vespi said; handing it back to Dan just turned around and smiled

“Then I advise you leave” Dan said with a maniacal smile. He lit the cocktail and tossed it right into the horde of Royal

Guards. Considering it was fire in a constricted area Dan knew he could have been committing murder.  Luckily, or unluckily there was a circumspect guard standing nearby with a bucket of water. The 1 guard that did get engulfed in flames was doused with water and simply ran off cursing and slapping at the embers.

Sadly the Guards were through with playing good guy. Black steel batons came out; the guards didn’t do any phalanx crap; or ashigaru wall. They just ran right in. So this was how they did it back in the Middle Ages; Dan was right at the front of the mass. So when impact was made he went flying backwards, almost being trampled by his drunken comrades. He managed to get up and toss a sloppy hay maker right into Major Faggot; who proceeded to fall backwards.

Dan was relieved to see Dashie fly back; her distinct cyan body against the dark azure night. Dan ran to the back of the brawl to meet up with Dashie.

“Hey Dashie where are the animals?” Dan asked

“Dan; your friend Courageous C has gone insane.” Dashie said in a unnatural high pitched voice.

“Wait what? What did he do?” Dan asked

“Look over there” Dashie said pointing to the side of the castle. Almost instantly the ground became to shake. The 2 factions stopped their fighting for the moment; and looked over to the side of the castle.

Out of the opaque wall came an almost translucent blue bear; Conor on top waving his hands and laughing

“What is that?” Dan said; now surprised

“A FUCKING URSA MAJOR!” Dashie said; the giant beast gave out a breath taking roar; ramming right into the mass of ponies. Any pony who wasn’t committed to the fight just ran; any direction; even some of the Royal Guards stayed to stand their ground.

“Some pony get the princess!” A guard screamed; before being crushed with 1 paw of the Ursa

Dan just pissed his pants; running right back into the castle. The brave guards were fighting a hopeless battle but luckily they were letting all the more cowardly ponies go get help, even though no pony actually bothered to get help. That big red earth pony just pulled up the drawbridge sealing the Royal Guards fates...bastard.

“What… what do we do?” Dashie asked, she as even more scared the Dan

“We need Ayan! Follow me Rainbow dash” Dan said; he began heading over to Ayan’s ring. He had been doing juggernaut duels. It seemed Ayan was undefeated.

“Jesus thank god you are here Ayan!” Dan said out of breath “There’s an Ursa Major killing every pony DO SOMETHING!”

Everyone went quite; there wasn’t a sound in the room.

“O my god” Ayan said “Tyrus get your armor on; let’s go hunting”

“Also I accidentally let free a bunch of parasprites” Dashie said rubbing the back of her head “Sorry”

Ayan sighed “Tyler I’m going to need you too”

The 3 juggernauts began running outside, flamethrowers out. Dan and Dashie locked the door behind them; most of the other ponies exited the room through the other door, fleeing to higher ground or into other rooms.

Dan looked out of the window to see what Dashie was talking about. Brightly colored bugs were flying around; any pony left outside was running in meandering circles trying to save themselves.

“Wow this is some party!” Dashie said; now feeling energized

“W-What?” Dan asked “We could have been killed!"

“And it was exciting! That was soooo cool!” Dashie said; she looked like Pinkie Pie now bursting with joy.

“So what do we do now?” Dan asked

“Well we are alone” Dashie said; everypony besides the 2 was out of the room, the last pony out closing the door.

“I see what you are getting at” Dan said with a lusty smile

He had to admit it was an awesome party; the excitement, the fray outside, and of course the sex. But of course luck was a bitch; and none other than Nico ran through the door.

“Jesus Christ I’m being shot at HELP ME DAN!” Nico said; a shot went right through the door; Nico exited the room through a stairwell on the other side of the room

“Forget about him” Dan said

“Forget who?” Dashie joked

If only those 2 other soldiers didn’t come running through; that killed the thrill.

Luck was a bitch

The Best Night EVER - Connor

“Hey C we need more brownies! NOW!”

“C where is the next batch! We are running dry over here”

“C more brownies come on!”

That was all Conor heard for that first hour; everyone loved his brownies; they loved them so much they became obsessed with them. He was now trapped underground, making batch after batch; not even waiting for the order; he knew that the second he went to sit down someone would come in frantic screaming for more brownies.

Conor was mortal like every other pony; he could only accept too much, at first he just got pissed, then pissier, then even more pissed. He knew he wouldn’t last the entire night making brownies; Pinkie Pie was barely managing her cupcake payload upstairs; eventually Conor knew he was going insane, his party Pandora box was about to explode everywhere.

The last straw wasn’t even another superfluous order; while running he accidently dropped his trusty wooden spoon.

All Conor though was “Great I’m screwed”

Conor tried to pick it up but he accidently fell and landed on it breaking it.

“C get back to work pony! WE NEED YOUR BROWN SUGAR!” A mare said not even in the door “Wait never mind just more brownies”

“No” Conor said; he was losing control he could feel it.

“Excuse me?!” The mare said; she was obviously getting aggravated from her work shift too “We do what we have to around here and if you’re not going to” She couldn’t finish her second; a burst of rainbow juice shot out of Conor the acidy rainbow power burned the mare immediately; reducing her to a corpse in the matter of seconds.

“All work and no play make Conor go ape shit” Conor said

Conor ran out from downstairs and headed outside into the garden. He thought he might be able to control his party fever if he could find a place of solace; he did not. But he did find Rainbow Dash browsing the selection of animals

“Hey C how’s it going?” Dashie asked in good nature

“Okay; do you want brownies?” Conor asked;

No don’t; don’t mess this up

“No thanks; not really” Rainbow Dash said backing away

“I like brownies” Conor said taking a step forward

“Cool” Rainbow Dash said with a nervous laugh

“Do you like brownies?” Conor said turning his all the way around like an owl “I like brownies”

“Dah fuck is the matter with you!” Rainbow Dash said; she panicked and moved back tripping over a glass cage containing a harmless looking bug. The glass fell to the ground and freed the insect.

“O no” Rainbow Dash said “O no O no O no” She began to hyper ventilate; before she could even try and fly the little insect flew off into the window

“See what you did? We have to catch him!” Dashie said getting into flying position

“Do you like brownies?” Conor said laughing maniacally

Rainbow Dash didn’t even respond she just flew out of the window; Conor was alone but just as enraged as before.

Conor noticed a giant cage; containing an almost transparent blue bear.

“This will be interesting” Conor said with a smile

***

“Dan you have to listen to me” Rainbow Dash pleaded

“Relax babe” Dan said; he was obviously drunk

Rainbow Dash was interrupted by the ground vibrating

O my god the parasprites

But she was surprised when around the corner was Conor; riding on an Ursa Major

O my god even worse

‘RUN!” Some pony screamed; and that was exactly what they did; the only ponies brave (or stupid) enough to hold their ground was the zealous Royal Guard.

“DINALINGALING NIGGAS!” Conor screamed; he was truly going on an insane bender this time, he couldn’t help but think when he gets home what he will tell his other friends

“So we meet again C” It was Ayan; walking off from the drawbridge, which immediately was drawn up behind him

“Hello Ayan” Conor said

“So the battle begins 3 v 1” The 2 other juggernauts revealed themselves; armed with flamethrowers

“I think not” Conor said grinning

“Yo Ayan I think me and Tyler should go stop the parasprites.”  The 3rd juggernaut said

“Fine” Ayan said “You and me Conor”

“Let it begin ALLAH!” Conor screamed; yodeling like a suicide bomber; he charged his Ursa right into Ayan who dodged to the side spraying his flames all over. The Ursa buckled almost knocking Conor off; but Conor’s will kept him on the beasts back.

“Get him boys!” Ayan screamed, Conor was expecting the 2 juggernauts to come back; but now 2 sniper rifles came out and opened fire. The Ursa’s head blocked Conor for the most part from the shots but the Ursa himself wasn’t managing well. The lead was injuring the beast once in a while causing it to fall for a split second.

The Ursa on its own grabbed a nearby tree and chucked it towards the tower where the 2 snipers were positioned; causing their immediate withdrawal.

“I see what you did there” Ayan mocked “But did you see what I did?” Conor looked down nervously just to bring his head back up to Ayan’s cackling “Ha! I did nothing noob!”

The Ursa didn’t like being called a noob; causing it to become enraged he hit some red rage. Well his entire body turned red; somehow. The Ursa ran straight towards Ayan; only for the Ursa to run smack forward towards the castle; causing the Ursa to bang its head with a loud thwack.

“Ursine noooo!” Conor wailed; the beast wobbled for a mere minute before falling face first into the moat; causing Conor to fall with him.

“And that was how it’s done” Ayan said heading back in. Just in time to be shot in the head with a M14 FMJ. He clutched the hole in his head before falling down; dead

Luck was a bitch.

Protip: Juggernauts are Russian... and so are bears

-Vespi

The Best Night EVER - Nico

Nico was afraid; he was fearing his own shadow now; this wasn’t his friends throwing a prank; this was a stalker.

The first letter Nico tossed; ignoring it; only to find a second copy right on his bed. Over the course of 3 days he got 7 more similarly written letters written by “Supernova”. Nico confronted his friends about it; showing them all the different letters. No pony knew what they were, what they meant or who wrote them.

All 8 of the letters were written with combinations of 0s and 1s; what Vespi and Dan called “Binary Code”.

It was obviously that this gaggle of retards knew nothing about computer encrypting. He asked the princess; and the guards if they had seen nothing suspicious. A guard had recently told Nico that he had been seeing 3 shadows moving around the castle at night using the roof. The guard though assumed it was nothing serious.

But here Nico was; hiding behind his bed with a makeshift flamethrower; courtesy to Boris. Nico was prepared to stay in there for the entire night, waiting for an intruder to leave another note; and when he came Nico would light him up.

Nico waited; and waited; and waited; and took a piss; then waited some more. His fear increasing with every second; Nico in his mind believed the party was almost over; but when he checked his clock it had been only 30 minutes.

Nico finally heard the door open a smidge; Nico grabbed his flamethrower immediately; raising it up. “Who is there?”

The door opened a little bit more and Nico was so surprised he dropped the flamethrower.

In front of him was a human; wearing dark black and grey fatigues, specially made for night combat. He also wore an American trucker hat

“Are you Nico?” The first one asked; he was carrying an M14

“Ye-yes what do you want?” Nico asked; he tried to pull the trigger on his flamethrower; before he realized he had dropped it, dumbass.

“Sorry bro but you know what this is for” The second 1 said aiming his M14

“Quiet virgin I do the talking!” The 1st one snapped

“Stop calling me virgin asshole! Its grapevine”

“Wait why do you guys want to shoot me?” Nico said; curling up behind his bed

“You knew; you speak binary code right? All you dam Russians speak it!” The leader said

“But I’m not Russian! What did the letters say?”

“Stop stealing the cake!” The virgin said

“Okay; calm down calm down don’t shoot me over the cake!” Nico said; he had no clue what the FUCK they were talking about.

“Dibs on first shot” Virgin said

“No come on you got Osama!” The leader said; Nico ran past both of them down the hallway.

“Come back! We want to shoot you!” The leader said; firing from the hip. A bullet; then 2; then 4 flew by Nico hitting the ground.

O god it was Vespi! He would help him!

“Thank god I found you Nico; what are you doing?” Vespi asked; a bullet smashed against the wall; no time!

“Can’t talk being shot at” Nico said not even stopping; he turned the corner just in time for a bullet to hit the wall refracting dangerously towards Vespi.

Nico ran down the twirling stairs; feeling safer every moment. He was also relieved when he saw one of the 2 men fall from the window; landing in some nearby brush. What was he thinking? Nico was relieved only for a moment; horrified to see the 2nd assassin rappelling down from the window; right next to the exit of the tower.

Nico was running out of energy the second he hit the last flight of stairs. The assassin was right there! In plain sight for everypony!

“I got you now you bastard!” He said; reloading his gun.

Nico realized luck was a bitch; he was about to die innocent. Or was he? Yea he was… wait never mind!

“Would you like some bacon with that toast?” Tyler said Nico saw a spear of flames jet out from behind the assassin igniting him immediately, The man jumped and began swatting at the ever increasing flames; running into a nearby barrel of random flammable stuff. Seriously who the hell keeps a barrel labeled “Flammable shit” right in the middle of a party? It exploded causing the flames to spread in every which what direction causing an alarming amount of fire on the drapery and carpet jetting into the castle.

“Shit did I do that?” Tyler asked with a grin; this was no laughing matter; he had single handedly started a fire.

“Fire, fire, fire!” A pony yelled running into he castle for sanctuary

“No shit!” Tyler screamed

Tyler and Nico weren’t about to be blamed for starting the great fire of Equestria. The duo ran into the nearest entrance and alerted the guard; they could see from a nearby window a group of royal guards splashing water onto the fire; but to no avail

“Good things the parasprites are afraid of pineapples” Tyler said; pointing to a lone pineapple sitting on a table; the fire caught onto the pineapple and incinerated it; as if god turned on a switch the parasprites came in and began eating everything.

“Shit they got Tyrus!” Tyler screamed; motioning to a juggernaut trying his best to fight off a horde of parasprites; sadly they overpowered him, he fell to the ground while being slowly devoured by brightly colored adorable looking devils.

“Okay; I’m going to go find Ayan; see you man” Tyler said leaving Nico alone

He stood there stock still for a moment before he heard his heart skip a beat; he heard Princess Luna “Nico what is going on outside?”

Luck really was a bitch!

The Best Night EVER - Ayan

Ayan wrote this chapter by himself; it was so bad it broke my monitor

-Vespi

The Best Night EVER - Rarity

Rarity was in an aggravated move; she had just been with her colt friend when her overprotective mother swooped down and cockblocked her colt friend.

“So who was that colt?” Her mom asked; the 3 of them were eating in the third hall; the first one was in the process of being burned down, and the second one was crowded full of scared to death ponies; the 3rd more spacious one would suffice.

“Just a friend” Rarity said circumspect; she knew her mother the last thing she wanted to do was set her off on an enraged tirade.

“Wait what?” Her father asked; he had been drifting through space at the moment; just absent mindedly eat his hay sandwich.

“I saw Rarity right outside her room with some… some colt!” Mom said; she was a nice pony normally. Always generous and caring for every ponies feelings; but when someone puts “sex” and “daughter” in the same sentence, she’ll shove a phonebook up her ass before she stops.

“…so?” Daddy asked

“It isn’t right! They aren’t married! Are you guys even going to get married?” The mom said in an accusing voice.

Rarity answered first “You never know” she smirked; it was that smirk that all parents hated

“So Martha we did it before we were married” Father said

“No, no we didn’t” Martha said blushing

“What are you talking about; remember you were the town’s taxi!” The dad said laughing

“Why was she called the town’s taxi?” Rarity asked

“Because she gave ever pony a ride” The father said before trailing off under the wife’s stare.

“Okay; I think I will go now…” Rarity said; doing her best to sneak off before Martha’s glare hit her like a spot light.

“O no you don’ missy, you got to promise me 2 things, okay?” Martha ordered

Please not abstinence

“Fine” Rarity said with a loud exhale

“1 you are going to stay abstinence with this colt”

Fucking cock blocker!

“And you are going to use protection… always m’kay?” Martha wasn’t making it easy for Rarity

“Fine mom” Rarity muttered

“Also double protection” Martha said with a grin

“Why would we do that Mom…?” Rarity said

“Because if he has an STD and doesn’t use a condom you are screwed missy!” Martha threatened

“Mom he doesn’t have an STD” Rarity said

“Or does he?” Martha inquired

“I’m pretty sure he does not” Rarity turned around to see Ayan there; in that suit of his.

“Who is this!? WHO IS THIS!?” Martha yelled “DO YOU HAVE 2 COLT FRIENDS!”

“What no!” Rarity and Ayan said in unison

“O don’t lie to me! I am going to tell what’s his face! AND KILL YOU”

At first Rarity was talking about herself; then she realized her mother directed the threat to Ayan; this was going to be good.

“Mom he isn’t my colt friend, he is one of Vespi’s friends, Ayan.” Rarity said it was too late though. Martha was up (Her father doing jack shit) holding a bottle in one hand

“I’m going to kill you” Martha said raising the bottle

“Tyrus help me!” Ayan said; but no one came out “O yea…”

The bottle landed down right on Ayan’s head with a loud cracking noise. He fell down to the ground in an instant; laying there in a pool of his own blood.

Martha didn’t stop to confront her daughter or any pony on why she randomly killed some pony, but instead ran right through the door, was she seriously going to tell Vespi this retarded fallacy?

Rarity didn’t even bother to run after her; she trusted Vespi enough, and he trusted her enough, that Vespi would brush Martha’s ranting off as her just being piss sober.

“Soooo” Daddy said trying to coax conversation “I guess you are abstinent eh?”

“Shut up” Rarity said; leaving her chair to go find Vespi

Quality time with the family

***

“Okay so what the HELL happened?” Mike asked; it seems he had fallen asleep right after the party began; if only he didn’t drink all those energy drinks.

“Well Conor is riding a bear; there was a riot, got cock blocked, someone is trying to kill Nico, Tyrus died-“

“Who’s Tyrus?” Mike asked with the same questioning tone

“I don’t know; let’s see, also there was a fire, o and” Mike cut me off

“Okay that is enough; let’s find everypony and solve this shit” Mike said

We began hearing rampant running from down the hall way; just in time to see that cock blocker running towards me

“You got to listen to me, RARITY IS CHEATING ON YOU WITH YOUR FRIEND AYAN!” She screamed; me and Mike exchanged disappointed looks, I thought this was going to be interesting

“No he obviously isn’t” I said

“But he is! He knew Rarity”

“Yea; because he has seen her retard” Mike said

“But, but no! I killed him though!” She said hyper ventilating

“So he just spawns” I said; just in time for Ayan to walk past the corner whistling a merry tune

“Sup guys, you again?” Ayan said recognizing the cock blocker.

“But, but, but I killed you!” She said “I hit you with a bottle”

“And I spawned, that easy.” Ayan said with a smile

“Okay; so I guess so, but you!” she pointed a hoof at me “YOU are staying abstinent!”

Cock blocking is 1 thing, but this?

“Nah; I think I’ll just plow your daughter some more” I said with a cackle

“You, you guys did it” She said; she flopped down to 1 knee and vomited right at our feet

“So; it is just nature!” Mike said sticking up for me “It wasn’t like rape or anything, heck we heard Rarity from down the hall…”

She just vomited some more

“O and there was in the closet…”

She puked a wee bit more and stood up

“Okay; you guys do what you want; but you are staying abstinent!” She said “Or I’ll send my 2 assassins to kill you! Grapevine and Douchebag!”

“That isn’t going to work out; there kind of dead…” It was Dan coming out of the nearby stairwell

“Great” She muttered “What is next every pony eating Ursa Major!?”

Conor and Tyler came up from the stairwell “Guys I totally burned the Ursa who wants some!?” Tyler said

“C what happened? Ayan asked

“Party fever; but some lead antibiotics solved it” Conor said showing a bandage on his back hoof.

“Fine; but wait till marriage or I’’ use this!” She flashed a cherry knife “I’ll cut your balls off!”

“Fine; fine if it means that much to you”  I said; how bad could it be?

Another convenient moment; Rarity came through the hallway the mother came through “Vespi; I can explain!”

“Calm down we figured everything out” I said

“Remember I’ll be watching!” The mom said; backing up towards the darkness falling out of a nearby window… dumbass.

“O well” I said “Want to have sex?” I asked; what you thought I was going to actually be abstinent?

“I’M WATCHING!” The voice came out; from nowhere.

“Fine” I said

Luck was a bitch!

The Best Night EVER - Mike

You’d think Mike would be more careful; after falling down 2 flights of stairs and falling out a window (Somehow) in 5 minutes after separating from his friends; he knew he was going to have to miss the party.

He was blacking out when he heard trotting right by him

“Who is this? Is it, it you Vespi?” Mike asked in delirium

“Calm down chap I’ll help you out.” Mike recognized the voice in a second, Doctor Whooves.

“Doctor Whooves! But…what… we shot you in the face…remember?” Mike said, trying to make coherent sentences

“Calm down lad; I’m going to fix you up; we are going through time” He said

“Retard you, you, you can’t just teleport only Boris could but” Mike cut himself off; he felt himself being dragged into a more constricted area; like a port a potty.

“Where are we?

“My teleporting port a potty; we are going back in time” Doctor Whooves said; he could hear the crisp sound of buttons being pressed; Mike felt more alert than ever, where was the doctor taking him?

“Sorry if I have a boner…it is a condition” Doctor Whooves said; fucking homo

“Gaylord” Mike said; feeling better, trying to move as far away from the doctor as possible.

Mike felt himself black out for a moment; becoming awake by what felt like a syringe in the chest. He woke up; he was in a city, it…it was Paris! He could see the Eifel Tower in the background, Jesus it was Paris.

“Seem familiar lad?” The doctor said; he wasn’t a pony anymore he was a human. He had on a combat vest, red beret, soldier boots, and a M16 in hand.

“But, how do you know?” Mike said; he looked down, his normal hooves were hands.

“I’m with the SAS; and I need your bloody help!” Doctor Whooves said loading a magazine into his M16

“Wait what?” Mike asked stunned

“You play COD? Never mind all Americans play COD; just shoot the Russians don’t shoot Americans, SAS, GIGN, or anyone wearing a beret. K?”

“YES SIR!” Mike said; for some reason the idea of being shot was intriguing; because he hasn’t been shot yet, which makes it interesting.

“Okay just follow my lead; we can’t get shot…wait what the hell are you doing!?” Doctor Whooves was amazing, this bloody moron ran right into the street! Full of Russians and Americans shoot at each other; perfect.

“Bloody Idiot" Doctor Whooves muttered

***

“FROST MOVE THE FUCK UP!” Grinch yelled; there were 4 of them; in Paris… while under gas… shooting Russians… trying to save the Russians president’s daughter.

“Bro calm down!” Frost said “Can’t someone else take point!?”

Grinch, Truck, and Sandman all looked at each there “Ehh you’re the best at it”

Frost just gave out a loud exhale

“Know what guys? I quit…I fucking quit” Frost said slamming his helmet onto the ground

“What? You can’t just quit!” Sandman said “Your in the Special Forces!”

“I don’t care; find a new guy to be your bitches” Frost just began to cry and ran down the street, leaving a line of urine behind him

“Great now who is our point man?” Sandman asked; Grinch and Truck both put their fingers to their noses

Mike was lucky to be walking by right at the moment he heard Sandman say “O not this shit again”

“I’ll be your point man SIR!”

“HOLY SHIT!”  Grinch jumped; he turned his shotgun around and blasted Mike back into the wall;

“Nice Grinch” Truck said; Mike could now feel the sun being blocked out by the 3 soldiers inspecting the body

“Does this count as a kill streak?” Were the last words Michael heard before he died

***

Mike jumped; as if shot again by Grinch; but he wasn’t dead, he was back on the grass outside the castle, with Doctor Whooves next to him

“Asshole I told you not to die” Doctor Whooves said with a sigh “And what to you do? YOU DIE”

Mike stood up; feeling surprisingly better “Well how would I know Grinch was an asshole!?” Mike said defending himself

“We screwed up lad; all those people are going to die because of you; I’m sorry” Mike immediately noticed the Fifty-Seven Doctor Whooves aimed out; it was aimed right towards Mike, the bullet would travel right through his head.

Mike noticed something coming towards him; it was some sort of comet; its velocity was right towards Doctor Whooves, but what comets were blue and red? Then mike realized

“Sorry you British asshole!” Mike jumped out of the way; just in time for the missile to hit Earth and obliterate Doctor Whooves, sending debris and guts in every direction.

“Mind if I drop by?” Mike looked up; what he saw was no normal pony. He had a black trench coat on, red highlights on his wings, and wore Wonderbolt goggles.

“Wow thanks for saving my ass man!” Mike said with a shake of the hoof

“Anything for a fellow pony” He said “Names Giro”

“Thanks; I’m Mike” Mike said; the pony immediately revolted and removed his hand

“Your friends with VESPI!?” Giro said

“Yea hes pretty awesome” Mike started “One time he-“

“I don’t care; seriously everyone knows kickass Giro is better than Vespish Vespi “Giro said

“No Vespi is better than a Giro” Mike said

“Really? Well reviews say otherwise BITCH!” Giro said taking off for flight “Enjoy your sequel! O wait you’re not going to be in it FAGGOT!”

Mike was stunned, what did this guy know about Vespi?

***

“Are we seriously just all going to bed?” Dan asked

“Yea; I’m not being blamed for that shit storm outside” Conor said

“Yea; I need to think of a way to stay abstinent before Rarity’s mom cuts my dick off” I said

“Guys you will not believe what just happened!” Mike said; like normal he came running in through a stairwell

“We can’t believe what happened tonight either.” I said, gesturing to outside. The fire was mainly out, ponies had eaten most of the Ursa by now; all that was left was the parasprites and no one knew where Nico was.

“Well I’m off to bed, good nights” I said; cutting Mike off from his stupid fairy tale.

I couldn’t wait to fall asleep

Luck had been a bitch

Try and guess the reference; it's from my favorite fic

-Vespi

Unfortunate Events

The next morning was one of the most antagonizing moments I had ever had; I lurched up in my bed at first, having that “Morning Syndrome”. You know that split second in the morning when you think everything is alright? Even after you and your friends started a fire, a riot, an infestation, and probably dozens of deaths? Yea I had that feeling.

I cautiously opened the door; expecting Celestia would be right outside to bitch slap me, she wasn’t there. I scurried through the hallway to our favorite dinner; to see everypony but Nico already eating.

“Thank god you’re here Vespi” Mike said; shoveling an orange cupcake in his mouth

“Yea we can’t find Nico” Dan said “I hope he isn’t dead”

“Don’t worry guys I’ll revive him” Ayan said flipping his mane like Justin Bieber

I nervously grabbed a muffin and some toast from the cook and began eating, first thing I wanted to do was get out of the castle, out of Canterlot. That was when I heard the door slam open; breaking off on its hinges, hitting Ayan in the face (again). Princess Celestia walked into the room; o crap this won’t end well.

“Princess Celestia!” I gasped

“How is your day mam?” Dan said cordially

“Sup bitch” Mike said, I slapped him on the head, now she would kill us; and god knows what to Mike

“Well I hope you 6 are happy” She said walking towards us, levitating Ayan’s body and the rubble from the door to the side

“Calm down we are sorry!” I squealed

The princess grinned “Relax I am not angry; well I am but not raging” She said

…wait what!

“Even though you burned down half the castle, caused 400 deaths, obliterated the Royal Guard, unleash a Ursa Major, gone back in time, cause a parasprites infestation, cause mayhem and Chaos, caused rioting and looting all over Canterlot, unleashed Discord, ate my magic turnips, AND touched my sister there were some good parts”

“Like what?” I asked; man that was some list

“Well we made a massive profit off of bail money, and selling that magic port a potty.” She said “Can you plan the next year’s party?”

We were all awestruck; here we were thinking we were going to get killed by a princess, and now the same princess wants us to schedule another party that destroyed Canterlot? Nice.

***

The next train ride home was far more energetic then the first one. Now we had our own private train; and we also had the time to tell each other what happened that fateful night.

I heard stories about assassins, port a potties, Doctor Whooves, Ayan losing to Discord in Chinese checkers, Nico doing it with Luna, Juggernaut duels, and much, much more.

“So that was where you were Nico” I said

“Yea man, you know me” Nico said with a prideful grin

“Eh we didn’t even notice” Mike lied

“Whatever you say unicorn” Nico said snidely

“M’kay, also Vespi how do you know this guy Giro? You know, blue and red pegasus?”

I looked at Mike as though he was retarded “I don’t know what you are talking about bro. What happened with this Giro?”

“Nothing” Mike said his eyes moving all over the room

“Hey guys did we leave Ayan again?” I asked

“You know it” Tyler said

***

It was great to be back in Ponyville! Sure the city was exciting, but it was too congested, too artificial. Ponyville felt like our old home, not a metropolis, not a hamlet; thus the word metropolet (Copyright Conor).

The second my hoof hit the ground I heard Pinkie Pie’s lunacy echo in my ear.

“Hey Vespi we got to throw a PARTY!” Pinkie Pie squealed

“NO” us other 12 ponies yelled…except that yellow pegasus, what’s her face.

“But parties are fun!” Pinkie Pie said with a maniacal smile on her face

“We just got back from a party!” Rarity said “Besides I want to get settled in again” She quickly added

We all headed to our assorted homes, Rarity heading to her house, Dashie and the yellow one flying to the sky, Twilight heading to her library, Applejack to her farm, and… wait a second…

“Who the hell did this?” I said; the door was smashed open (We just repaired it too), inside was an even bigger mess everything was on the ground, food, books, everything.

“Wow we got robbed!” Dan exclaimed

“Who did this?” I repeated; none other than the British pony popped his head in

“That mare Derpy came by and robbed ye fellas; sorry about it” He said

“Doctor Whooves! You died, what the hell happened?” Mike exclaimed

“Ye forgot but I am with a higher power” Doctor Whooves gave Mike a wink, dam English spreading there homosexuality.

“Then let’s go get our stuff back” I said “Let’s go guys”

***

I didn’t exactly know where to go, but thankfully DW (Doctor Whooves) knew the way; all the time I lagged behind observing the tranquil way things were done in Ponyville, much different than the rushed and slap dash city ponies.

“This is the place” DW said; motioning to the door “Good luck guys I’m going to go do British stuff” he walked away

“How does that guy know about Britain? I asked

“Don’t worry about it” Mike said

Dan chose a more vicious approach, he knocked on the door hard; when the door opened I laid my eyes on this Derpy Hooves for the first time.

“Derpy give us our stuff back!” Dan yelled; the mare just turned her head to the side, her eyes bouncing back and forth like olives in a paint can.

“Derpy stuff now!” Dan repeated; the mare just repeated her last procedure, this time tilting her head a wee bit more.

“DERPY GIVE US OUR FUCKING STUFF!” Dan said losing control; most of the nearby ponies and a gaggle of foals turned to see what was the matter

This time the mare didn’t tilt her head again, but closed the door.

“Dammit!” Dan said, slamming his hoof on the door

The door opened again, the same askew eyed mare was standing there; in her hoofs was a XM25.

“…Crap…” Dan murmured, the mare fired the gun causing Dan to fly backwards, hitting his head against a nearby apple cart, being manned by Big Macintosh.

“Jesus christ!” I yelled; Derpy just closed the door again; we ran over to Dan, who was out cold.

“Why wasn’t there an explosion?” I asked; trying my best to stay in control

“Cause she shot a muffin Vespi” Dan said “That was an XMuffin25”

O yea; now I remember Dan’s story, I just thought that was alcoholic fallacy, not the truth.

“Okay I got an idea” Mike said

***

“Are you sure this is going to work?” Mike asked Twilight

“It should” Twilight said; she closed the book and walked towards the door

“Doorous openous!” Mike said, waving his hoofs in the air; Twilight turned around

“What are you talking about?” She asked

“Nothing… just… just keep doing what you were doing”

A light purple beam of energy came from Twilight’s horn, it shot out like a spear, blowing the door in two.

“Thanks Twilight” Mike said giving Twilight a kiss on the cheek, she turned as red as a tomato.

Twilight stood back as the 5 of us ran right into the house; before we could stop running Tyler (Who was in front) ran straight into a paint can; cleverly positioned on top of the door.

“Bitch” Tyler muttered; sprawling out on his hoofs.

Despite another casuralty the remaining four of us continued to head into the house.

Apparently Derpy was some kind of guerilla warfare specialist; when I opened a closet door a steel bolt shot out, hitting me in the knee.

“Dammit help me guys!” I screamed

Nico laughed “ha you took an arrow in the knee”

I looked down, the bolt was in deep, I was surprised the inertia didn’t take it through the other side of my knee. I was losing blood at an alarming rate.

“Guys help me” I murmured, my mouth was beginning to feel really dry

I blacked out, feeling a blunt pain as my head slammed against the wood floor

***

I woke up on the couch; a blanket draped over my body; I could hear some humming from the other room and from a third room my friends talking.

I sat there for maybe 5, perhaps 10 minutes listening to the voice who was humming, it took me only a few moments to realize it was Rarity’s voice.

Eventually the humming moved closer and closer until it was right next to me; hidden by the back of the couch.

“Hey Rarity” I said weakly “What happened? Why are you here?”

“O hi darling; I just came by to check up on you; after you got shot in the knee and all” Rarity said; now coming into clear vision

“I see” I said; grimacing at my knee, although it was latent by the opaque blanket I could still feel an acute pain from it.

“Don’t worry your almost better now” Rarity said; giving me a long passionate kiss “Feeling even better now?” She asked

“Yup” This time I came up to kiss Rarity but she had other plans; and came down to kiss me; I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed when my member increased in size, making it seem like a small mountain under the blanket.

Just when I thought things were going to get interesting someone tossed a brick through the window.

We both jumped and I got up; what the hell!?

“Remember your promise?” O my god it was Martha, Rarity’s cockblocking mom. She jumped through the window and pulled out a knife “You leave me no choice”

I ran for it trying my best to run towards the next room; where my laughing friends were, but Martha closed the door with her magic, causing me to slam right into it; I felt like I was going to black out again.

“No one touches my little girl!” She said walking towards me

“That’s a little late; I mean we already did it” I said “You’re not really abstinent when you already did it”

This actually stopped Martha “You know you’re right, but then again I need to unleash my inner bitch every once in a while”

My first reaction was probably my best reaction “Rarity now!” I wasn’t actually expecting Rarity to do anything; I just did that to distract the ball cutting maniac and use those few seconds to scream for help from my friends. I felt really lucky when Rarity levitated a book into her mother’s face; knocking her to the ground.

“Thanks Rarity” I said giving her a hug

“Is she going to be alright?” Rarity asked looking down at her mom on the ground

With Rarity’s help we dragged the mother to the boutique for rest and recuperation; after wards, me feeling much better, we had some hot coco back at the house.

I thought everything was going to be normal for the rest of the winter day; that is until Rainbow Dash frantically flew by

“Rarity don’t ask how but I accidentally unleashed the parasprites…again!” She squealed in an unnaturally high voice.

Before Rarity could respond Rainbow Dash made an “Eep!” sound and flew away.

  I headed outside to see what caused Dashie’s withdrawal (Somehow the guys fixed the window while we were out); there was a massive flood of those things coming towards Ponyville; almost like a tsunami.

I didn’t need to be ordered to get back inside I slammed and locked the door behind me and closed the windows.

“Great now we are stuck here” Rarity said

“Good thing your mom isn’t here” I said

Wasn’t that the truth?

Little known fact: Derpy leads the Derpykong

-Vespi

Hilarity ensues

“Well this sucks” I said; the 8 of us were now trapped in our house, outside was most likely Rarity’s Mom and pony eating parasprites.

“Okay guys I checked my stock” Ayan said

“What do we have for weapons?” I asked

“O not that stock; sorry I was checking DOW, which is down 51.3 points today” Ayan said with a grimace

“Okay then… how do we get rid of these parasprites?” Dan asked

“Well I have 6 juggernaut suits which will give us enhanced protection against the parasprites” Ayan pulled out a map “If we were to put pineapples here, here, and here we will be able to protect the ponies from parasprites. Any questions?” Ayan closed the map; tucking it into a pocket in his suit.

“I have one; how do we choose who doesn’t go?” Mike asked “Frankly I don’t want to go”

“Well I think all of you should go” I said

“Fine we will Ro Shambo for it” Mike said. For any pony who doesn’t know Urban Dictionary declares Ro Shambo by definition is:

A method of settling disputes between two parties.

The challenging party has a free kick square on the defending party’s balls.

The act is then repeated for the other party until one party falls over. The remaining party standing is the victor.

“Fine but I go first” I said; Mike looked like he was about to protest but gave up midsentence

“Fine”

***

“Have fun you 6!” I said; watching the 6 juggernauts go outside; flamethrowers ablaze. Mike was still limping from being Ro Shamboed; but that wasn’t my problem.

I waited until the 6 were out of distance and closed the curtains, I turned around towards Rarity

“So now what?” I asked with a smile

“Well we are alone” Rarity said in her own smile

Before we could say anyone word we heard a window smash from another room; both of us ran to the room to inspect the damage, but it seems it wasn’t on the first floor, anywhere.

Had some pony tossed a baseball through one of our 2nd story windows? Or could it be…

“Rarity” I said “Do you think your mom is still unconscious?”

“I, I hope so” She said

Both of us ran upstairs and locked the door behind us; just when we were about to make love I heard something in the vents.

“Vespi what is that?” Rarity asked

“I don’t know” I said

The 2 of us sat there dumbstruck; listening to whatever was inside the vents. Several times it trailed off; only for us to hear the noise in increased frequency for the next minute.

“I don’t know what that is” I said “Let me make a phone call; I know someone who specializes in this stuff” Rarity gave a slight nod, I ran to the other room where the phone was.

I quickly dialed the number, 1-800-069-ISSAC

I couldn’t breathe for the next few moments; my heart was in my ears it seems. I was finally relived when I heard him pick up.

“Hey there welcome to the Issac Clark hotline how my I help you?”

I took a deep breath “Issac what are you doing?”

“I’m just… playing Assassins Creed Brotherhood” He waited a moment “I thought this one was the new one”

“Okay; yea well I think there is a Necromorph in my vents; can you get rid of it?”

“Fine but in the meantime do you have a plasma cutter?”

“No”

“Ripper?”

“No”

“Plasma Rifle?”

“No

“Flamethrower?”

"Not anymore"

Issac gave out a long exhale

“Fine give me 10 minutes and I’ll be there”

I didn’t even tell him where I lived; then again I guess he could figure that out himself when he is trying to get into Equestria

“Okay we need to stay here for 10 minutes” I told Rarity “Then my friend will help us out”

***

“Ayan you still got the pineapple right?” Mike asked. Mike and Ayan teamed up to deploy one of the pineapples, Conor and Dan had another and the last one was guarded by Nico and Tyler. Fortunately the pineapples actually work and the parasprites drifted away from the pineapple; any parasprites that got closer was blasted with a flamethrower.

It almost seemed like a dust storm was hitting Ponyville; that or the parasprites were blocking out the sun. Mike didn’t even recognize any figure when he got a tap on the shoulder.

“Hey kid” The specter asked, Mike turned around to see a human in what seemed like a space suit, Mike couldn’t help but notice he looked like the Dead Space guy, sadly he didn’t know much about the game.

“Yea what do you need?” Mike asked; adding extra niceness to his question

“Where is Vespi?”

“He is back on our house on Main Street; go look for it” Mike said

“Fine, but I need this pineapple” He said “I went through 3 health packs getting here”

“No we need this pineapple more!” Ayan said hugging the pineapple for dear life

“Get your own pineapple!” Mike said; the man lunged for it, Ayan still managed to hold onto it

“This is my pineapple now!” He said; losing grip of it and falling backwards a step

“Bro get your own pineapple!” Mike said; pushing the man back with his foot

“Fine; I’ll do it on my own” He said loading an alien like weapon “See you bitches”

“Wait!” Mike said; he had a genius idea “My friend Giro has a pineapple go get his he lives in Canterlot!”

Mike couldn’t tell but he swore that the man smiled “Thanks kid” Like that the man ran off into the storm

“Dumbass” Mike said, snickering to himself

***

What the hell is wrong with you!?” Giro screamed; at first he was lying in bed. He hears a door slam, no huge fear there. He hears a scream, okay better go check it out, sees his friend Greg dismembered on the floor, okay time to freak out.

“I need this pineapple!” The man ordered “I’m Issac Clark bitch!” with a slight of the hand the man grabbed the pineapple with kinesis and ran out the door with his pineapple.

“My pineapple NNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Giro screamed; that was his favorite pineapple, stolen by the Dead Space guy.

***

“Vespi I’m scared,” Rarity said; although she originally sat down on the bed next to him she was now snuggly up against him.

“Don’t worry he will be here soon” I reassured her

The phone rang from the other room; I nearly tripped trying to get it

“Thank god you called Issac what is going on?” I said

“Vespi is that you? Just wanted to tell you that we deployed the 3 pineapples and saved Equestria without your help.”

I gave out an exhale this was better than Clark

“Thank god get here soon there is something weird in the vents”

I slammed down the phone without another word

***

5 minutes of hiding in my room with Rarity didn’t do much but increase the frequency of whatever was in the vents. Now I could hear heavy breathing gushing out from the vents.

I felt a surge of relief when the door opened to the sound of acute laughing. I instantly recognized the 2 voices, Mike’s and Issac’s.

“So you seriously dismembered the guy for a pineapple?” Mike asked

“Dam right; of course by the time I get back you already pineapple the place” Issac said with a laugh.

“Hey guys! I screamed from my room “Come up here”

The other 7 didn’t really want to come up the stairs, forcing me and Rarity to go down the stairs into the living room.

“So what is the problem?” Issac asked; waving his plasma cutter

“Wait what are you?” rarity asked eyes wide open. She had seen guns, juggernauts and pretty much everything but a human itself.

“Don’t worry about that Rarity Issac do you hear what is going through the vents?” I said; another surge of activity came from the vent

“Relax I got this” Issac said; using his boost he got up to the vent on the ceiling; he opened it. I swear to god it looked like Dead Space itself; Issac stood there for a second before being sucked up into the vent with a flurry of screaming and a hail of blood from above. Before we could even scream Issac’s torso (And only his torso) fell back out of the vent.

“Well that went well” I said grimacing at the dead engineer in our living room.

We didn’t need to wait to find out what ate Issac, it fell right out of the vent, of all things it was Rarity’s mom.

“Mom why did you do that! Look at this thing! Have you ever seen something like it?” Rarity said motioning to the dead protagonist’s torso on the ground.

“He was going to blow my cover! You know why I am doing this!” Martha said giving everypony a dirty look “I want what is best for you Rarity, I love you.” Her voice instantly changed into a doleful and sorry voice.

“Want to know what is best for me? For you to get the fuck out” Rarity said harshly motioning to the door. Rarity’s mom left without another word.

“Okay I guess we got to clean this guy up now” Mike said grimacing at the dead space man

“You guys can we aren’t” I said with a giggle, running up the stairs with Rarity. From behind all I heard was Mike’s cursing and every pony’s laughing

Another exciting day in Equestria

Proposal

18 months, 18 months had gone by since we arrived in Equestria. For those 18 months things changed instead of feeling like trapped survivors on a desolate island we began to feel more like colonists, being integrated into an alien world.

For the first couple months the others believed Boris’s promises. Time after time he’d give us a date and “If everything went right” we’d be back. After those first fearful months we began to feel more and more content about living in Equestria. We began to hear less and less from Boris, hell I thought he died.

The possibility of our lifeline dying didn’t stop us from working on careers. Lucky us the mayor formed a small barracks for the sake of keeping law and peace, me and my good friend Tyler took up the profession of being guards. Although we only had iron armor, unlike the gold armor of the Royal Guard, and a small fort, unlike the Royal Guard, it gave me a sense of pride knowing I was helping ponies (For the most part). The pay wasn’t bad either.

Dan made it his goal to join the Wonderbolts, for a while we all believed he was talking out of his ass, but surprisingly enough he pulled through. I convinced Ace to give Dan a shot, and like that Dan took off for Canterlot one fateful day. He came back a week later smelling of alcohol and other things (Best to not state) saying he had been accepted. Ever since then he comes by once or twice a month to drop by.

Conor wanted to become a baker; specializing in brownies. With Pinkie Pie’s help he got an apprenticeship from one Mr. Cake; he spends the most of his days merrily baking desserts of all kinds. It was pretty strange seeing Conor work; I always assumed he would go into smuggling or something, something where he wouldn’t have to wake up every day in a monotonous pattern, nonetheless here he is. Sometimes I even see the little rascal and Pinkie Pie giving each other looks, when I am on patrol of course, not like I spy on him…I really don’t.

For a while I didn’t know what the hell Nico was doing with his life. He normally just stayed at home pissing time away; except for a week every month where he’d go to Canterlot. I hadn’t the slightest clue what he was really doing. Then I realized he was going there every month to see Princess Luna. Got to admit Nico had balls, proposing to a princess at our 2nd Gala party! Hell I thought Princess Celestia would have the guards beat him to death; that was until Luna said yes.

Tyler ended up like me; working as a guard for Ponyville. Population, commerce, and tourism soared during month 6 or 7; that being that the Mayor wanted a sort of militia to enforce order, peace, and if the time came, war. Every day I still see him, during our routine of changing who was on duty. Frankly other than that we really never talked; he lived back at the old place, while I lived in the Barracks; I still here though that he was the old ballbuster that he always was.

Mike ended up being his whigger self; he went to Canterlot to become a disc jockey. That didn’t turn out very well; he got beaten up by the mob for stealing the lime light from another up and coming star named Vinyl Scratch; the same one who inspired Mike to become a disc jockey. Despite that major setback he became a star in Ponyville; opening up his own club and jockeying there. I heard things are going great for him; lots of bits I’ve heard.

Ayan did what he did best; being a juggernaut. He seems to be an agent for hire. A tool for the government, the anti-government, pirates, mercenaries, fellow agents and god knows who else. I still see him once in a while walking around clumsily in that suit of his, attracting the gazes of everypony who had never seen the likes of him. He still looks like an idiot; but seems to still be old harmless Ayan.

It was a weird feeling I had when I realized we were drifting apart. I was somewhat happy knowing we were all on the right track; we weren’t the same teenagers who one day stumbled on a secret, we were regular ponies working for a living. It was still sad though; they were the only things I had that reminded me of the old world; to this day whenever we get the chance talk about those old world things; like MW3 and what not. The last feeling I had was a kind of anger; the knowledge that I have the power to unite us again, but realize it isn’t the right thing to do. I knew that every pony had a life to live; who was I to change that? It was all for the best I kept telling myself.

Despite the fear of losing my friends I find solace in a new friend; Rarity. It was surprising; how most couples fight and argue, yet I and Rarity never fight. It was a hard thing to even tell my friends, but I was considering asking her to marry me. I even bought the most expensive ring I could find in Ponyville, which was 4 months’ salary. The problem was asking her; I doubt she would say no but it was still a difficult thing to say. I finally made myself say it. One day during the changeover period I confronted Tyler.

“Tyler” I asked in a stern voice “If I don’t ask Rarity to marry me in the next week stab me with a sword okay?” He laughed

“What have you been smoking Vespi!? I’m not going to stab you, just do it yourself”

“Come on you’re a bigger pussy then NATO” I said; he turned around with a steel desire in his face

“Fine I’ll do it; but make sure to tell me though so I don’t stab you on accident” He said

“Alrighty” I said walking back into the barracks for some coffee

I whether killed myself or saved myself

***

This was it; this was it! I and Rarity were eating at the fanciest restaurant in Ponyville; we were almost done eating and both ready to depart. If it wasn’t for Martha she’d probably ask me to come over for some dessert. But every time we’d try Martha would be there with a knife, or chainsaw, or axe, or nail gun; yea she was a crazy bitch.

“Hey Rarity there is something I want to ask you” I asked stepping out of my booth.

“Yea what is it?” She asked

Fuck how was I supposed to do this? Just ask her? I could feel myself sweat and I heard my heart beat.  Let’s see if this works…

“Rarity” I said, standing on one knee the ring out

Okay guys just want to say; long, sappy, philosophical, bull crappish speech INBOUND. Whether bear with me or just wait for the next chapter, even though you won't know what the hell happened.

“Sometimes I ask myself what I would do without you then I realize that I’d be nothing, because your my everything. I see you in the darkest night, your face in every star. I see your face in the autumn, your smile as abundant as the leaves on the ground. Every time you smile I swear a good deed is done somewhere. Every time you frown a storm cloud comes out [and kills a hippie]. Rarity will you do me the honor and marry me?”

Everyone gasped; I stood there for a moment, I couldn’t feel my heart beat at all. One beat missing, two beats missing, three beats missing, shit I think I’m going to die soon.

“Vespi I will I will marry you!” Rarity said that smile jetting from one side of the room to the other. Every other pony in the room began to clap and cheer. The two of us embraced for a moment, but sadly there is always one bull shit artist in the group.

“Chocolate Rain I have something to ask you too now” A earth pony said from the other side of the restaurant, o hell no, no one screws up the perfect night.

“No you don’t do it outside” I ordered “I’m a guard asshole!”

The disgruntled couple headed outside.

“Thank you” rarity said with a smile, before we hugged again.

***

I wasn’t there when Rarity told her parents; I thought I could hear Martha’s screaming from the barracks, on the other side of town. If I could I’d stayed long enough but I had to go for the night shift, perfect time to meet Tyler.

“Tyler I’m getting married” I said, nothing could stop my happiness now

“Good I was going to stab you 5 days early” He said with a laugh.

I couldn’t believe it!

“Your one lucky bastard” Tyler said with a wry chuckle “You got Rarity, Nico has the princess, hell Mike may be lying but I know he is dating that Vinyl Scratch” Tyler gave out a long exhale “You guys sure are lucky”

“Don’t worry Tyler” I said “Remember? 6 friends and luck”

“6 friends and luck…” Tyler repeated

That was all we needed

Marriage, Seperation, Aftermath

Jesus Christ I couldn’t believe what was happening. Michael Vespa getting married, I’m getting married! I was stunned to find out Martha and Rarity’s father (What’s his face) were surprisingly auspicious. Martha herself was in tears of joy (Or sadness) over the event.

“I knew you weren’t like some degenerate stallion; I’m glad you two waited” Martha would always say

2 things though; 1 we didn’t wait, we just kept it secret and 2 you’re the degenerate who tried to cut my balls off. Either way I’m glad she isn’t trying to kill me; Rarity’s father’s response was the exact opposite.

“Nice bro” He said putting his hoof out for a bro-hoof

“Okay…” I said

When Rarity, Sweetie Belle, and Martha left the room my step dad pretty much Charlie foxtrotted the situation

“So you are going to fuck my daughter senseless?” He asked, he said it in the tone like someone asking for the time

“Umm…no” I asked; last thing I wanted to do was piss this guy off

“I thought you were a bro” He said, I pissed him off

“Well I am I just thought you’d expect stuff out of colts, not just ‘hey bro mind if I fuck your daughter’ stuff” I said, that was reasonable

“Whatever; the reason I’m so open about this stuff is because I know how you foal think” He said “Martha used to look a lot like Rarity and”

Before he could continue I jumped out the window…seriously.

Sweetie Belle’s response was probably the most generic response. When Rarity told Sweetie Belle that her big sis was going to get married, Sweetie Belle got all wide eyed.

“O boy do you want me to plan the wedding?” She asked in a whimsical tone

“No thank you deary we found someone already” Rarity said

“But we can be Cutie Mark Crusader Wedding Planners!” She said

“Thank you deary but no thanks” Rarity said

“Please!” Sweetie Belle begged

“Sweetie Belle leave your big sis alone!” Martha scolded

“Fine” Sweetie said bewildered

“Sorry Sweetie but I have a much more important job for you; the flower filly” Rarity said

Well that was one position down 1 to go.

I chose Dan as my best stallion; in fact it was a funny story. It was during one of our ever rarer get together when I began the discussion about it. When the position came up every pony wanted it.

“I deserve it guys, right Vespi?” I heard that damn phrase at leastly 20 times before I came up with an idea; dumbass Olympics.

“Here are the rules guys; do the stupidest thing without leaving the room, GO” I said I then went to the corner and watched the chaos begin.

Mike just smashed a beer bottle on his head; almost breaking his favorite DJ goggles; given to him by his lover/mentor Vinyl Scratch. Somewhat impressive

Ayan just shot himself; seriously just pulled out a gun, raised it to his head and shot himself seriously not even funny.

Conor just banged his head against the table a dozen times before blacking out.

Tyler ran into a wall; that is more retarded then dumbass

Nico just left the room; good for him.

Dan won the contest by a long shot; he took Ayan’s gun out of his dead hands and shot himself in the foot; let’s see:

Creativity 9/10

Harm 10/10

Dumbassitude 11/10

A perfect 30 out of 30

“Congrats Dan your my new best stallion” I said; from there me and Nico had to bring every pony to the hospital; and make up 5 lies on what happened to all of them.

***

You know what scary is? Getting shot in the balls with a crossbow; know what is scarier? Kissing the bride in front of every pony you know; well not that scary but still I’d choose the crossbow if it wasn’t Rarity.

I was kind of sad; I always envisioned an old style Italian wedding; like from the beginning of the Godfather. Although I managed to stay suave in my nice tuxedo (Made by Rarity) I still could of wanted more guinea; or as Dashie would say 20% more.

The party went on without a single bump; I could tell things were awkward when Twilight saw Mike with Vinyl; but luckily Dan saved Mike’s ass; again.

Rarity went over to talk to her friend AJ while I stood there fumbling; lucky me I saw my friend Mike wave me over to the old gang.

“Well this is it huh?” Tyler said “Are you going to stay in Ponyville?”

“Yea I need my job; Me and Rarity agreed to buy a big house and make her boutique completely work.” I said “Aren’t you?”

“Nope; heading to Canterlot for private security, more bits in my pockets and more whores in my bedroom; you should come with me Vespi; we all are heading to Canterlot after all”

“Wait all of you?” I squeaked

“Yea” Mike said “Me and Vinyl are going to open our own club; heats off from the mob.”

I turned to Conor “Why are you heading to Canterlot?”

“Work in a restaurant with Pinkie” He said

“Ayan?” I asked

“Agency wants me in Canterlot 24/7”  He said “I’m now Ayan 007”

“I see” I said “I’ll be the only one in Ponyville huh?”

“Afraid so” Tyler said

We all stood there silent

“Guys I just want to say something” I said “Although this trip was like getting hit by a car in a baseball game it was worth it.”

Everyone asked in unison “What?”

“Look at us; we are growing up; we are changing” I said “We may drift apart but dammit we can do whatever we want now; I wish you all good luck; remember all you need is…”

“6 friends and luck” Everyone murmured

Ayan made another stupid question “Why is it 6 friends if there are 7 of us?”

“Because no one expected you to come out of fucking nowhere shooting at us”  Tyler smiled

“Great news guys!” It was the scientist! He was alive!

“What?” I asked

“Protocol is done you can all go home now”

We all looked at each other

“Nah” Dan said

“Wait…wait…wait…WAIT…whose wedding is this?” He asked

“Vespi’s” Everypony said

“Hang on YOU KNOW I AM TRYING TO GET YOU HOME AND YOU GET MARRIED!?” He screamed

“We were going to tell you but we thought you died” I said

“THIS TOOK FOR FUCKING EVER!” He screamed

He gave out a long exhale “I’ll just keep it…just in case. Good luck you guys”

By the end of the party we were about to head on our honeymoon I confronted my friends one last time.

“This is it huh; will I ever see you guys again?” I asked

“Sure you will you are welcome in Canterlot anytime you want” Mike said; everyone nodded

“Okay; I guess we are going to head out on our honeymoon soon” I said “As they said in the old country Auguro a tutti voi fortuna.”

“Did the Russian give you Google translate? Since when can you speak Italian?” Conor giggled

Conor always tells the truth.

“Whatever man; mind if we watch?” Mike asked with a cackle

“Way to Charlie Foxtrot the situation” I said “It’s been nice knowing you guys” we all shook hand before departing.

“One day we will meet again” I said preparing to leave

“One day”

One day

***

I always asked myself when that one day would come. I was 18 at the time; 70 years later and that day never came….IT NEVER FUCKING CAME! Well I can’t blame myself; or the others. We were all busy with our lives, I and Rarity had kids; who have grandkids now; speaking of Rarity she also passed several years ago; which was pretty depressing. Some bastards live to 100 but the good ones die young. That is just the way life is.

“I just don’t know what to do” Sharps said; he was my son, my first born; his pale white color always reminded me of his mother.

“Frankly if you ask me let him go; adventure is good for a foal” I said; It turns out my grandson wanted some adventure.

“He just seems so young” Sharps said “I mean Canterlot is a dangerous, huge place!”

I just chuckled “Son I went to Canterlot when I was what 17? Hell I planned 6 Gala events in 7 years! A year to help himself sounds good to me son; but you have the decision” I said

“Your right; I guess he can stay the year in Canterlot with relatives; thanks Dad” He smiled; it must feel strange for him. I guarded Ponyville my entire life; he took the job, now his son (My grandson if you can’t understand storyline) wants to explore the world; like I said I can’t blame him.

“Son when I was his age all I had was 6 friends and luck” I said “That unexpected adventure was the greatest thing to happen to me; it’s how I found your mother. Don’t steal the chance from your sun.”

“Your right; I’ll go tell him” Sharps yelled “HEY LUCKY 7 GET IN HERE PLEASE!” there was my good old grandson running in

To be continued

Author's Note

Well this is it; the novel is done; i now have a 150 page word document of this 40000 something word story of luck, friendship, romance and dumbassitude

I hope every pony enjoyed it; it gives me great satisfaction knowing you all enjoyed this novel; and i am writing a sequel as most of you know.

But here's the twist

remember

THERES ALWAYS A TWIST!

I want to listen to what you guys want in the sequel; ill accept

. Characters

. Story line plots

. Factions

. Jokes

. Tips to make the story better

. Any art

I'll make a blog about it; please post all your ideas there; IDEAS OUT OF THE BLOG ARE IGNOED UNLESS I PM YOU FIRST

I'll give you guys; what a month? Yea a month is good; in that time i'm going to write various shorter stories; all to add fans. I hope you all tell friends and or family!

Also as a deal with my friend Marshal click this below

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlmUaCbsh7M

I'll be waiting everypony you got exactly 1 month!!!

I'll begin publishing the sequel on January 28th 2012.

Game on

-Vespi

Future of 6 Friends and Luck

http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=referrers&story=21588

Is above

I want to thank you all for your help and all of your comments and favorites and everything. For shits and giggles i got bored and wanted to do something about me and my friends, it turned into all of this. So for more shits and giggles i am just going to write another 6 Friends and luck, this time if things went a little (Or alot) different. I expect this fic to be WAY bigger then this fic. It's already like 20k words long and they havn't even gotten to Ponyville yet! OR EVEN CLOSE TO PONYVILLE!

Enjoy and thanks for the support

-Vespi

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