“Do they have restaurants where you’re from?” Baroness Apple Orchard asked.

Stabby McKnife looked at her prospective client. Everything about her reeked of trying too hard, from her clothing that shimmered in the low light to the garishly chintzy jewelry she wore. And of course, how about the “luxurious” wooden carriage they rode in. It smelled of plywood and tainted maple, and caused a rather uncomfortable itch.

This was a mare who had recently come into money and didn’t know a thing or two about how to properly, nor smartly, flaunt it.

Still, she had caps and a target she wanted dead, so Stabby could afford to swallow her pride and go along with this little pre-contract charade.

“Yes, we have restaurants in Seaddle,” Stabby said.

“Oh, but I doubt they’re anywhere near as good. Our little fine dining establishment has four stars on Yelp.”

“Yelp?”

“Not important. Just know that is a very fine score indeed.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Stabby muttered. “I was wondering, though, if we might be able to talk about my target a little more.”

Apple waved her hoof. “Nonsense, business can wait until after dinner. Tell me… Are you put off by a little taboo?”

“I uh… I kill ponies for money, Baroness. I don’t think you’re likely to find something more taboo than that.”

“Very fair, very fair. I just wanted to make sure. This place has a reputation for being a little out there and it's not for everypony’s taste.”

This got Stabby’s interest.

What did these rednecks and cattlefuckers do for fun? Was there going to be dogfights, gladiatorial combat, live pornography?

She shook her head.

Nah, it was probably going to be something stupid like they let you pick which cattle you want to eat before killing it. That was probably more their speed. Give you a little bit of a thrill before you got your food.

“We’re here,” the Baroness said before her carriage came to a stop.

A second later, the door opened and a chauffeur helped the Baroness out. When he offered to do the same for Stabby, she politely waved a hoof and hopped onto the dusty street.

They faced a decrepit former train station. It was constructed from a sun-bleached, eroded wood. The neon sign which hung over the entrance had long ago burnt out. Still, Stabby had no trouble reading it in the dusk light.

“CC,” she read aloud. “Not a very descriptive name.”

“Best meat you’ll find this far west.”

Every town made that claim. None of them could beat a good old-fashioned steak from Las Pegasus in Stabby’s opinion.

She nodded. “I bet.”

Yet, even with its downtrodden appearance, Stabby realized that only well-off ponies seemed to enter the building, probably heading in for an early dinner or late lunch. In fact, she noticed that the more down to earth citizenry seemed to be eyeing up the place with a bubbling resentment.

Class conflict, that was never a good sign.

Still, a contract was a contract.

“Shall we?” the Baroness asked.

Stabby nodded. “Let’s.”

Together they made their way through the front door.

The interior was like any other steakhouse. The wooden furniture smelled faintly of barbeque sauce and a nice, big skull hung over the hostesses’ work station.

As Stabby scanned the premise, she noticed ponies making energetic small talk over very fine cuts of meat. It would’ve been a pretty standard steakhouse if it weren’t for the cage off to the side with…

Oh, dear gods no, that was a pony inside.

“Welcome,” a cheery voice beamed.

Stabby whipped around to face their hostess.

“Is this your first time coming to the Cannibal Café?” she asked.

Stabby’s blood cooled.

The baroness nodded. “She’s a business partner from out of town.”

“Oh? Well, if she’s one of your partners then shall we be expecting a fresh shipment in the near future?”

The baroness laughed, “Now, now, I have no idea where that reputation could possible come from.”

Okay, Stabby, you got this, there has got to be an easy way out of this. Uh…um…

The waitress picked up two menus. “If you’d follow me.”

“Actually.” Stabby cleared her throat. “Do you have a vegetarian menu?”

The whole restaurant went dead silent as everypony turned to her. The tension was thick. Not even a hot knife could’ve cut through it.

Shit.

Stabby looked around, feeling an overwhelming sense of resentment bear down upon her. Amongst the assembled scorn, she noticed a pony with a gun approaching. Judging by the crisp buttoned up collar he wore and the fact he was the only stallion on the floor, he was most likely the manager of this establishment.

That wasn’t good.

“Did you just… ask if we have a vegetarian menu?” the pony with a gun asked.

Stabby swallowed hard. “Is that a problem?”

The pony kept his steely gaze on her for a moment, before beaming. “Not at all!”

He grabbed a menu in his magic and held it out.

“Now, we can replace the filly wings with tofu bites,” he said. “Oh! And of course, there’s the salad. We could just remove the unicorn flakes from that if you’d like. You could also have pretty much any of our pasta dishes. Since those can be prepared without meat.”

Stabby blinked. “You are…surprisingly more flexible than I would’ve imagined.”

The stallion shrugged. “What can I say, you don’t stay in business by ignoring dietary trends. Are you just vegetarian? Because we also have an excellent gluten and dairy free selection as well.”

I publish this chapter, wondering desperately what the hell I should have for dinner.

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