"Blech!" uttered a rainbow-maned pegasus. "This place looks nastier than that pie I made for Pinkie."

"I can attest to that!" the pink one added.

The only unicorn of the group tried to find something else to stare at besides the moldy stone making up all of the temple. It's been the only thing she could look at for the past hour and now her eyes can't tell where her hoof ends and where the floor begins.

"I'll have to agree with Rainbow on this one," she said. She grimaced when she saw her hoof blending into the environment. The pristine white of her coat did not look good against the spotty and cracked browns and grays. "Twilight, darling, surely there must be other locations where these artifacts reside. Perhaps we should have started with one in a more, err... appealing locale?"

Twilight Sparkle, currently leading the group, let out a sigh. "I'm really sorry that I rushed us all here without knowing what 'here' was..." She couldn't help feel a little guilty for not knowing ahead of time that the temple was a maze of low ceilings and narrow hallways, effectively grounding the airborne members of the group. "...but this relic was the closest out of the three and the disaster is only one moon away."

The orange earth pony, second in the lead, tapped the alicorn's leg with her hoof to get her attention. She gave the princess a smile, saying, "Don't you worry 'bout that none. We're just gettin' a little antsy s'all." The apple farmer's eyes glazed past the rest of her friends until they fell on the restless pegasus. "Right?"

Rainbow Dash flinched. "Uh, y-yeah! Must be that saving-the-world pressure again," she said, nervously chuckling, "Eh ... It's nothing, really."

"I'm okay too, I think!" piped the Pie.

"I suppose we've been through worse," Rarity added, though she had to blink a few times and squint just to see her friends. "Apologies, darling."

"I'm actually doing fine," said the soft-spoken Fluttershy, "Talking to these mice for directions really kept my attention away from the dark and... spooky... temple." There was an audible gulp from the group, but the apple farmer did her best to ignore it for her other friend's sake.

"Ya see sugarcube? We're doin' alright." Applejack, along with the rest of her friend's words were finally reciprocated with the princess' own smile.

"Thanks girls," Twilight said, breathing easy. "Still, I feel like I should pay you all back somehow. How about a weekend at Las Pegasus when we're done? My treat." Murmurs took up the silence of the corridor behind her. She barely looked back, but she already knew they were more than happy about the idea. "I guess that settles it!”

“Yeah!” Pinkie cheered, “Let's save the day and party like we didn't!"

Coincidentally, just as the mane six renewed some pep in their step, they reached the chamber where the mice said the artifact was supposed to be.

The whole room was in the same condition the rest of the structure was in, ruined and damp. There was, however, one light, shining from a hole in the ceiling onto a stone pedestal in the center of the room, whereupon the single ray illuminated the—

"Where's the relic!?" Twilight rushed over to the empty pedestal, her friends following closely behind her. She circled it, looked at every one of its little cracks and crevices, and even uprooted the whole thing with her bare hooves. "It's not here!"

"Ms. Mouse, would you happen to know..." Fluttershy noticed the expression on the rodent's face as it scratched its head confusingly. It seemed like it wouldn't.

A loud thud echoed throughout the room when Twilight dropped the pedestal back on its place. "It's not here! We... WE NEED THAT!" The princess took hold of her own ears and pulled them down below her chin as she panicked.

"Twilight!" Rainbow Dash said as she grabbed ahold of her purple friend's shoulders, "Everything's going to be fine. We can figure out another way, just like we always do." Her attempts at consolation didn't seem to work as her friend continued to mutter the same things to herself.

"This is it. We're done for. I failed. I failed Celestia. I failed Equestria. I failed myself, my friends, and everypony. I—"

Whether it was thrown up from Twilight's earlier uprooting or some other unlikely event, a piece of paper glided into view. It swayed back and forth in its slow descent, gently landing on the empty pedestal where the relic would be. Without hesitation, the alicorn brushed past the pegasus, grabbing the paper with her two hooves and bringing it much too close to her face.

After three long, uncomfortable seconds, Twilight dropped the note, letting it glide and fall faceup in front of her friends. While she stood completely frozen, staring as if it was still in her hooves, her friends gathered around the note. They gave each other wary glances before craning their necks to see what vile words could make their friend act like so.

GET FUCKED

SUCK MY DICK

"So..." A tall bipedal figure standing next to a tree, obscured by shadow, stared intently at another figure. Its eyes were the only things visible. "Did you get it?"

Across the shadowed figure was another; a human, standing in the orange light of the rising sun. This one's attire was rather casual for the current mood, wearing sweats and a plain shirt underneath a light jacket.

The illuminated figure lifted a hand, carrying with it a simple ruby amulet, albeit glowing in power. The edges of the shadowed figure’s lips briefly curved upward before his visage returned to its stone cold scowl.

"Is that all?" Their eyes were locked, both trying to stare harder than the other.

After another moment passed, the one in the sun cracked first, a smile replacing his hardened glare. "I left the note."

The shadowy figure's eyes widened. "You didn't."

The other being snorted, his smile quickly becoming one of someone trying their best not to laugh. "I did."

A second later, the shadowy figure stepped out from the tree's shadow, revealing himself to be another human. He's as casually dressed as the other, minus one jacket and replacing the shirt with a polo. Extending their hands out, they clapped the other's appendage, momentarily grasping it, before letting go and moving closer to tap their forearms together in an X pattern.

"Ules, you fucking madman," said the previously concealed human.

"I try." The jacketed one shoved the amulet down one of his pockets with as much care as a package handler would give a box labeled ‘fragile’. "So how's 'fuck with everyone one last time' part two working out?"

"Glad you asked." The one with the polo faced the tree and looked high up at its branches. "Reyes!"

Sitting near the top was, surprise, another human, younger than the two on the ground, but having the same fashion sense. Addressing the tree-sitting, baseball shirt wearing, khaki shorts rocking young man, he proceeded to ask about the location of the next artifact.

"Please tell me it's not another temple."

The young man, currently looking through his hands as if they were binoculars, answered by calling back down in denial. "It's not in a temple, but there are bits and pieces of one lying around. The thing itself is frozen inside an iceberg—icecube? It's frozen inside some ice." He grabbed a chip from a bag laying against the main trunk, holding it ready for imminent consumption. "I don't really see much else, Leers, unless you count trees as something." Crunch.

Leers straightened out his collar and turned back to the other gentlemen. "It seems we are headed towards a block of ice that's probably guarded by some mystic guardian."

Ules threw his head back as he let out an exasperated sigh. "Ugh, we gotta fight something?" he groaned, "Leers, I thought you said this shit would be easy."

"I did, for the first one," Leers said matter-of-factly, "As it turns out, whoever built the temples for these amulets were really indecisive about how they would be protected. I read that in a book."

"Did that book also tell you how to use these things?" Ules patted the pocket with the amulet. "At least then I can determine for myself if this shit's worth collecting."

"It's actually really simple. Just get it close enough to you, say what you want, then you offer something you're willing to give up for it."

"...Like a bargaining genie?"

Leers pursed his lips. "Not exactly—"

"Hey! Are you telling him about the auction genie?" Reyes called down.

"He already told me," Ules replied, looking up at his perched companion. "Get back to keeping watch." He waved his right hand in a shooing motion.

The younger man's volume lowered into a murmur. "Well... It's like an auction genie..." Another crunch and he returned to his duty of being a human periscope.

Ules stare lingered for a bit before his eyes snapped towards his other, eye level friend. "I'm giving you a bop on the shoulder if it's gonna be some sort of ice or nature golem."

"Ha!" said Leers, before his combined gaze and smirk emitted only the most serious of challenge acceptances. "Too obvious. I say it's fire-based for two."

Out of nowhere, a crumpled up chip bag fell onto the ground beside them, making the two look up at the young man. "Are you guys betting?" Reyes yelled. "Did someone put one in for an electric dude? If not, I'm voting for an electric dude." The two down below gave each other amused looks.

"His thinking has transcended ours," Leers said.

"Well, let's go see this 'lectric dude for ourselves," Ules suggested. The eldest two of the trio called their third down from the tree, giving him a bit of shit for suggesting the idea.

As they began making their way to the crystallized relic, Leers tapped Ules on the shoulder to get his attention. "If it makes you feel any better, I've got a plan where you can avoid this fight and still be two steps ahead of the horse crew..."

Fuck