The Unique Properties of Dark Magic

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Stranded in Equestria's far past in the body of a unicorn without any magical knowledge, the self proclaimed "Weiss Noir" fights for survival in the Frozen North by indulging in sorcery most foul.

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Given a unique perspective on negative emotion, less than a foal's knowledge of ordinary magic, a healthy schadenfreude, and danger bearing down on all sides, the self-proclaimed "Weiss Noir" makes no plans accounting for his death, and plans to keep it that way, even after being torn away from earth, turned into a unicorn, and dumped into one of the most inhospitable locations and times in all of Equestria.

Stranded in the Frozen North, a place where biting cold ends lives, and one thousand years in the past, in a time when peril is the norm, rather than the exception, Weiss decides to indulge in sorcery most foul, stolen ideas, and human ingenuity to survive.

Given the choice between a mad slaver and a mad sage, however, there is no avoiding an inevitable tide of ponies escaping the conquered Crystal Empire to bask in the warmth of his well-stoked hate. Something which draws attention, enemies, and most worryingly, the rivalry of his "peers".

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478,586 words: Estimated 2 Days, 4 Hours to read: [Cache]

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160 Chapters:

(Past Chapter 1): The Unique Properties of Desperation [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,092
(Noir Report) A Clear-Headed Report on Unclear Findings [Black Flame] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,011
(Present Chapter 1): The Return of Light: Part 1 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,161
(Weiss Report) Chug [Estus and Bonfires] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,302
(Past Chapter 2): Hopeful Ultimatum [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,189
(Noir Report) A Refutation on the Common Usage of Dark Crystal [Sombra's Corrupt Crystal Creation] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,116
(Present Chapter 2): The Return of Light: Part 2 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
5,684
(Weiss Report) Bribes [Master Sword and Vampire Killer] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,911
(Past Chapter 3): Strike the Earth! [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,361
(Noir Report) The Occasional Benefits of Experimental Contamination [Royal Crystal Growth] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,032
(Present Chapter 3): Roast Busters [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,958
(Weiss Report) Believe It! [Shadow Clone] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,006
(Past Chapter 4): Greed is Good [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,322
(Noir Report) An Aside on Dragonfire [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,016
(Present Chapter 4): Painful Reminders [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,386
(Weiss Report) Time Travel Sucks [Time Machine] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,057
(Past Chapter 5): Genre Savvy [Cache] May 20th, 2019
5,038
(Noir Report) Observations of Unicorn Utility in Moments of Frustration [Prestidigitonium] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,006
(Present Chapter 5): Time-Release Formula [Cache] May 20th, 2019
5,200
(Weiss Report..?) Color Commentary [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,103
(Past Chapter 6): Wrath of the Gods: Part 1 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,102
(Noir Report) An Abridged Depiction of Enchantment [Golem Creation] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,011
(Present Chapter 6): Make a Wish [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,382
(Weiss Report) Unlimited Blades Work [Bound Sword] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,150
(Past Chapter 7): Wrath of the Gods: Part 2 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
5,183
(Noir Report) Indirect Data Gathering [Merciful Bulwark] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,007
(Present Chapter 7): Winter Shut-In [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,324
(Weiss Report) Lookalike [Metal Dash] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,119
(Past Chapter 8) Handled Like a Dream [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,146
(Noir Report) Intriguing Thoughts on the Subject of Magical Habit [Hoofcasting and Unicorn Light] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,052
(Present Chapter 8): Purple's Clues [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,274
(Weiss Report) Fanservice [Divine Words] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,019
(Past Chapter 9): Next Level [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,326
(Noir Report) Revisiting Basics [Black Flame Alchemy] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,010
(Present Chapter 9): Three's a Crowd [Cache] May 20th, 2019
5,162
(Weiss Report) The Holy [Merciful Flash] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,045
(Past Chapter 10): Fun and Games [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,057
(Noir Report) Eclipse Flash's Guide to Assisted Spellcasting [Materia] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,021
(Present Chapter 10): Come True [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,383
(Weiss Report) Aperture Magic [Homeward Portal] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,155
(Past Chapter 11): Turbulent Times [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,469
(Noir Report) A Disclaimer and Explicit Re-Warning [Chimera Wing] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,015
(Present Chapter 11): It Might As Well Be Spring [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,205
(Weiss Report) A Wind Sorcerer's Best Friend [Eyeroc] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,009
(Past Chapter 12): Hot Wings [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,230
(Noir Report) The First Mastery of Hatred [Killing Intent] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,006
(Present Chapter 12) Time Trial [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,510
(Weiss Report) Changing Gears [Color of Arms] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,110
(Past Chapter 13): The End of The Beginning [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,081
(Noir Report) Convergent Evolution in the Development of Basic Spellcraft [Foxfire] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,007
(Present Chapter 13): Spring Cleaning: Part 1 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,522
(Weiss Report) Material Components [Expired Aspira] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,047
(Past Chapter 14): I Hate You [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,861
(Noir Report) Establishing a Metric of Measurement [Spell Rankings] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,044
(Present Chapter 14): Spring Cleaning: Part 2 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
6,650
(Weiss Report) Gate of Babylon, and Other Fun Party Tricks [Homeworld Portal] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,032
(Past Chapter 15): Allusions of Grandeur [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,348
(Noir Report) Outliers to Magical Theory [Fire Breath] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,026
(Present Chapter 15): Self-Righteousless [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,474
(Weiss Report) Bootstrap Godhood [Materia] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,067
(Past Chapter 16): Blast Day [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,214
(Noir Report) The Unique Properties of Unity [Kingdom Heart] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,061
(Present Chapter 16): Into the Highest Depths; The Star Sanctuary Temple [Cache] May 20th, 2019
6,215
(Weiss Report) Bug Out Bag [Wannabeetles] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,054
(Past Chapter 17): The Champion [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,517
(Noir Report) Outsourcing Research to Suitable Candidates [Glitter Miss Priss's Hit-or-Miss Punch] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,044
(Present Chapter 17): Applejacked Up [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,318
(Weiss Report) Almighty Alchemy [Mount Krakatroda] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,055
(Past Chapter 18): Punch Drunk [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,740
(Noir Report) Revisiting Regal Toxins [Royal Sugar] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,043
(Present Chapter 18): The Fastest Thing Alive [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,538
(Weiss Report) A Brief Report [Hoi-Poi Capsule] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,019
(Past Chapter 19): Flash in the Dark [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,013
(Noir Report): Presenting Proof of Earth Pony Teleportation [Eclipse Flash's Hotswap] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,021
(Present Chapter 19): The Black Book Club [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,247
(Weiss Report) The Zappening [Pensieve] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,032
(Past Chapter 20): The Cold Heart of Hate: Part 1 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,461
(Noir Newsletter) Layman's Guide to Shadow Realm Defenses [Summons and Golemancy] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,014
(Present Chapter 20): Blackest Night: Part 1 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,567
(Weiss Report) A Disgusting Biology [Death Beam] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,125
(Past Chapter 21): The Cold Heart of Hate: Part 2 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
5,847
(Noir Newsletter) Biological Trade Secrets Repurposed to Altrusitic Ends [Pokemon] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,053
(Present Chapter 21): Blackest Night: Part 2 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
5,838
(Weiss Report) Extra Bosses (Weapons) [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,108
(Past Chapter 22): Breather [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,140
(Rubrum Report) Windego 1 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,037
(Present Chapter 22): Baring Baby Teeth [Cache] May 20th, 2019
5,584
(Weiss Report) Not a Bad Slime [Air Gel] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,032
(Past Chapter 23): Fool's Errand [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,715
(Noir Report) A Reimagining of Existing Spellwork [Mistril] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,123
(Present Chapter 23): Green at the Gills [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,006
(Weiss Report) Bubble Trouble [Pegasus Seafoam] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,114
(Past Chapter 24): A Fool and Their Bits [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,061
(Noir Report) Summons Taken to Frank Extremes and Mundane Depths [Daemons] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,006
(Present Chapter 24): Show Her the Fifty States [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,752
(Weiss Report) Chaos Butterfly [Slepnir Gear] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,036
(Past Chapter 25): Proof of Concept [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,152
(Noir Newsletter) Ocular Instalations and Security Crackdowns [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,006
(Present Chapter 25): Blood in the Water [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,097
(Our Plan) [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,005
(Past Chapter 26): Pregame Warmup [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,042
(Noir Newsletter) The Nature of Our Enemy Made Clear [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,020
(Present Chapter 26): Dark Tournament: Part 1 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,047
(Weiss Report) My Hourglass Runneth Over [Lamp of Life] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,073
(Past Chapter 27): Proxy War: Part 1 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,051
(Experiment Log) Eclipse and Priss's Revisitation of Dusty Old Spellbooks [Cache] May 20th, 2019
999
(Present Chapter 27): Dark Tournament: Part 2 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
3,782
(Weiss Report) April Fools [The Best Spell Ever] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
565
(Past Chapter 28): Proxy War: Part 2 [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,341
(Noir Newsletter) Final Sum [Cache] May 20th, 2019
530
(Present Chapter 28): Clown World [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,200
(Present Chapter 29): Waltz With a Madman [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,141
(Present Chapter 30): Test of Courage [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,729
(Present Chapter 31): Too Far Gone [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,885
(Past Chapter 29): A New Age [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,446
(Present Chapter 32): Wake for the Living [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,563
(Past Chapter 30): Life and Love [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,009
(Present Chapter 33): Schaudenfreude [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,385
(Past Chapter 31): Lovesick [Cache] May 20th, 2019
3,665
(That Book) [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,105
(Present Chapter 34): Hatesick [Cache] May 20th, 2019
6,178
(Past Chapter 32) Darkest Hour (Part 1) [Cache] May 20th, 2019
6,589
(Past Chapter 33) Darkest Hour (Part 2) [Cache] May 20th, 2019
6,027
(Present Chapter 35) Darkest Hour (Part 3) [Cache] May 20th, 2019
6,335
(Present Chapter 36) Darkest Hour (Part 4) [Cache] May 20th, 2019
3,586
(Present Chapter 37) A New World [Cache] May 20th, 2019
3,372
(Past Chapter 34) Mad [Cache] May 20th, 2019
3,936
(Present Chapter 38) All The Buzz [Cache] May 20th, 2019
3,566
(Present Chapter 39) Afterparty [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,373
(Past Chapter 35) The Enemies of Their Enemies [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,220
(Present Chapter 40) The Friends of Their Friends [Cache] May 20th, 2019
6,351
(Past Chapter 36) Three Curses [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,374
(Weiss Report) Statistics on Cruel and Unusual Concoctions [Black Water Mist] [Cache] May 20th, 2019
1,192
(Present Chapter 41) Cognitive Dissonance [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,257
(Present Chapter 42) Forget-You-Not [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,428
(Past Chapter 37) Enemies Closer [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,303
(Past Chapter 38) Straight to Tartarus [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,743
(Present Chapter 43) Friend and Foe [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,480
(Past Chapter 39) Dragon Mouse [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,648
(Present Chapter 44) Sharing Stories [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,291
(Present Chapter 45) Meeting Fury [Cache] May 20th, 2019
3,569
(Past Chapter 40) The Second [Cache] May 20th, 2019
3,043
(Present Chapter 46) The Honest Truth [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,156
(Past Chapter 41) Subtle Oddities [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,808
(Present Chapter 47) Poor Fools [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,509
(Present Chapter 48) Some Honest Work [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,629
(Present Chapter 49) Little White Lies [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,735
(Past Chapter 42) Grand Mal [Cache] May 20th, 2019
3,420
(Past Chapter 43) Unpunished Deed [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,296
(Present Chapter 50) Nine-Tenths [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,637
(Present Chapter 51) Ten-Tenths [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,867
(Past Chapter 44) Bad Boys [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,177
(Present Chapter 52) Slow Change, In An Instant [Cache] May 20th, 2019
3,015
(Present Chapter 53) Path to Victory [Cache] May 20th, 2019
3,346
(Present Chapter 54) Gamemaster [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,359
(Present Chapter 55) Bright Eyes and Wonder [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,170
(Past Chapter 45) The Thief-Witch (Part 1) [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,927
(Past Chapter 46) The Thief-Witch (Part 2) [Cache] May 20th, 2019
4,976
(Present Chapter 56) Seventh Warrior, Fifth Weapon [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,937
(Present Chapter 57) Machine Without a Purpose [Cache] May 20th, 2019
2,581

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