The next few weeks were miserable. I did what I could to keep up with Celestia’s schedule. For a while I did just fine. I could force my way through meetings and make conversation when I needed to. But after that...I found I was having trouble focusing. My mind began to wander more and more.

Most of my thoughts were consumed with my new reality. It turned out that Discord was right. My mind couldn’t deal with my new body. It was like I was at war with myself.

When I told Celestia about the whole ordeal, she’d brought in a doctor. A thorough examination clued us in to what Discord had done to me. My body was very much like a pony’s body. My organs and tissue had been altered, but my brain and physical features had been left in tact.

“Your metabolism is at a normal level. And the organ and tissue samples seem to suggest full development. Based on all of that, I’d say you’re around twenty-four or twenty-five. A perfectly healthy, young stallion.”

I slowly nodded as the doctor told me this. Rarity held my hoof the whole time. Celestia thanked him and showed him the door. As soon as we were alone I found my voice.

“He can be trusted?”

Celestia smiled.

“Doctors aren’t in the habit of revealing specific details about a patient. And Doctor Night works exclusively with the Royalty. We can trust him completely.”

I sighed in relief.

“Okay. So what happens now?”

“You’re not sick as far as we can tell. You can continue your normal duties if you want.”

Rarity squeezed my hoof.

“You can take a break if you need. We know it’s been hard the last few days.”

I smiled at her.

“Thanks. But it might be good for me to get back to a normal routine. Keep my mind off of things.”

Keep my mind off of things...

That worked for a little over a week. Then my attention started slipping. I couldn’t concentrate in any committee meetings. And my headaches were back with a vengeance. Though I should have guessed they would be since I’d put a hold on my lessons with Luna.

It finally hit a breaking point. The day had wrapped up and I was waking to the dining room. As far as I knew the day had gone by without a problem.

I entered the dining room and sat down at the table. Celestia and Luna weren’t here yet. Part of me thought to wait, but my stomach said otherwise. By the time the sisters arrived I’d already eaten half the food on my plate.

“You two are late. Everything okay?”

Celestia glanced at Luna. Luna sighed as she stepped forward.

“We were resolving a few...issues.”

“What issues?”

“Shade...do you remember what you did today?”

I paused in my eating. Why would she ask me that?

“Of course I do! This morning was my meeting with...”

Odd. I couldn’t remember all of a sudden.

“Never mind that one. There were the meetings with...the...committee...over the...”

I finally fell silent and lowered my gaze.

“How bad was it?”

Celestia stepped forward.

“Shade. You didn’t have any committee meetings today. In fact, I took over for you today. Do you even remember me suggesting that last night?”

“I...had the day off?”

“Yes! And you still showed up for the meetings! Didn’t you think it was odd that I was there too?”

“I didn’t-“

“And you just sat at the table staring at your hooves. You didn’t even move between meetings! Rain Cloud had to coax you out of the room before dinner.”

“Rain Cloud? I don’t remember-“

“I know it’s been tough for you, but this has gotten out of your control.”

Luna put a hoof on Celestia’s shoulder.

“Perhaps you should let Shade speak.”

Celestia took a deep breath and nodded. Luna looked back at me.

“Shade?”

I looked between the two for a minute. My mind was slowly coming out of its haze. I began to remember bits and pieces of my day and felt my heart drop into my stomach.

“I can...never...be sorry enough for my behavior. You have a right to be upset with me. I’ll give my resignation now if that’s what will fix this.”

Luna frowned.

“Resignation?! That’s not what we want from you Shade. We want you to take care of yourself! Which is why...”

She trailed off and looked at Celestia. Celestia stepped forward, raising my head with her hoof.

“We want you to take a break. A vacation really. You need to get out of the castle until you’re able to handle everything.”

“You want me to leave?”

“Not permanently. Just...for a little while.”

Luna chimed in.

“We thought you’d like to go back to Ponyville. See your friends. Spend some time with Rarity.”

I looked at each of them, seeing the concern in their eyes. They were genuinely worried about me. I stared at them for a few seconds before sighing.

“Okay. But if the castle falls apart I’m blaming both of you.?”

They both smiled and pulled me in for a group hug.

—————————

After all of that, I was left staring out the window at the passing scenery. The train was moving at a swift pace today. I’d be in Ponyville before lunch at this rate.

I reached a hoof over to my bag, making sure the contents were all still there for the tenth time. I’d packed a couple of books, some scrolls, and...

I felt my heart beat faster as my eyes found that damned bottle. Why had I brought it with me?

You know why.

I shook my head. Discord’s cruelty knew no bounds. I could drink the contents and end my suffering without blinking. But then...where would that leave me and Rarity? I doubt she’d understand.

I sat, staring at the bottle for several minutes.

“Well? What are you waiting for?”

I felt my teeth grind against each other as I registered the voice’s owner.

“Why do you insist on torturing me with your presence?”

I glanced across the aisle to find Discord sitting on a bench. He smiled.

“I enjoy watching others squirm. And you’re the most entertaining right now.”

A snap of his claws and he was on the bench in front of me.

“Now answer my question. What are you waiting for?”

He motioned to the bottle and I shut the bag.

“I don’t need it. I’m a pony now and I will remain that way.”

“I never said it would turn you back into a changeling. It would just...slow everything down. Internally that is. You could live for several more centuries with everything in that bottle.”

“Sure! Live to watch everypony I know die. Sounds great!”

“Death comes for all of us either way. Not me of course, but the rest of you.”

“I won’t watch her die.”

“Oh? And would aging with Rarity prevent that? She could still die before you. Anything can happen in the game of life.”

Another snap and a game board appeared between us. There were pieces that looked like Rarity and me. Discord grabbed both.

“You can stay on your current path. Age, suffer, experience life like the rest of them.”

He moved the pieces along the board. He stopped them at a space labeled ‘Second Breakdown’.

“Oh my! That’s a shame.”

I scowled are the draconequs.

“So I have to learn to deal with this...”

“Depression?”

I sighed.

“Yes. And maybe I’ll have some bad times. But if I’m with Rarity, at least I have something worthwhile to live for.”

“Or you could take the path less traveled.”

He placed my piece at the beginning again, this time going off on a different path.

“You drink up, live for centuries, and not worry about silly little things like love.”

That’s when I snapped. I overturned the board and glared at Discord.

“Listen here you heartless, patchwork goat! Maybe you’re fine outlasting everypony, but I’m not! I’ve created a new life. I have friends and ponies I love. Immortality is a waste if there’s nopony to be there with me.”

Discord grinned.

“Well there’s your answer!”

I paused as confusion set in.

“What?”

Discord held out the game pieces.

“Split the bottle. You’d both live for a couple centuries and spend it together.”

I stared at the plastic figures. Was that really an option?

“I...I couldn’t...she wouldn’t want...”

Discord sighed and snapped the board and pieces away.

“Food for thought. The decision is still yours either way. But wouldn’t centuries together be better than a lifetime of loneliness?”

He stood up as if to leave. That’s when something clicked in my head. And I began to laugh.

“So. You want to know if it’s a viable option?”

Discord looked down at me.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

I locked eyes with him.

“Using me as a guinea pig won’t make it any easier. You’ll still have to ask the question yourself. And you’ll have to deal with whatever answer she gives you.”

I couldn’t react fast enough before I was lifted into the air, my eyes leveling with Discord’s. His pupils seemed to be on fire.

“Listen here you half-breed! I wouldn’t make assumptions in your position.”

A grin grew on my face.

“I think we’ve reached an understanding then. You don’t meddle in my love life. I won’t meddle in yours.”

Discord glared at me for a few seconds, the fire in his eyes slowly dying. He set me down and snapped his claws, still frowning the whole time.

‘POOF’

I looked around, verifying to myself that he was gone. As a sigh left my body, the train began to slow down. Glancing out the window confirmed that we were nearly to the Ponyville station.

I shook my head to clear it, putting Discord and the bottle to the back of my mind.

“I can do this.”

The train slowed down more until it stopped. I grabbed my bag and exited the car.

I stepped onto the platform to discover Rarity and Twilight waiting for me. I put on a smile for them.

“Did you miss me?”

Rarity came forward and pulled me into a hug, kissing me on the cheek.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

Twilight approached a moment later.

“I’m so glad to see you Shade. Celestia sent me a letter about everything. I want you to know I’m here if you need anything. We all will be.”

I looked around the platform.

“The others?”

Twilight shook her head.

“We didn’t tell them yet. I thought you’d want a little privacy. Until you’re ready.”

I nodded my thanks.

“So...do you have room in that castle for me?”

Rarity stepped back.

“Actually, I have a space made up for you at the boutique. There might be a few rogue sequins on the sheets, but I promise it’s comfortable.”

I smiled and hugged her again.

“Thanks.”

Twilight was grinning like a madmare.

“You two are sooo cute!”

I rolled my eyes and felt a genuine smile creep onto my face.

It was good to be back in Ponyville. It was good to be home.

Next Chapter: Settling In Estimated time remaining: 3 Hours, 22 Minutes