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Learning To Live Again

by Speedy Quill

Chapter 15: Two Sisters

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Two Sisters

I started out slow. Celestia would let me sit in on her meetings, usually just as an observer. Most ponies ignored me. I didn’t mind though. I preferred being in the background. Every few meeting though, Celestia would motion me over to her and whisper in my ear. She never asked me anything too serious. Usually it was something very off topic from her meetings. It became our little game. We would have a good laugh.

The ponies in the meeting would get nervous that the Princess was seeking another opinion besides their own. And every time we finished whispering to each other, she would sit up and say something official-sounding. It never quieted their nerves of course, which was the real fun. All of these posh ponies getting worked up while all we were discussing was if the meeting room could do with a new paint job.

This had gone on for a week. And today was no different. I was casually listening to Celestia discuss an upcoming delegation that she was putting Twilight in charge of.

It was nice to see that she was involving the young alicorn more and more. Twilight seemed to be the only Princess not ruling over a portion of the kingdom. But I knew being the Princess of Friendship was a big deal as well. She oversaw the general well-being of everypony. It wasn’t an easy task.

My train of thought was interrupted as I noticed Celestia’s gaze. She motioned for me to come over. I moved towards her, keeping my face as stoic as I could. I had learned that not showing emotion was one way to look like you knew what you were doing. And so I marched over to Celestia, noticing concerned glances from the corner of my eye. It took everything for me not to smile.

Celestia leaned over to me and whispered.

“Do you think Twilight will be up for this?”

I had to keep myself from looking too surprised. I hadn’t expected the question. Honestly, I thought she was going to ask what sounded good for lunch. Or if I thought that Luna was trying a new look with her mane. I took a moment to reorient my thoughts and nodded.

“Yeah. I think she’ll do just fine. You’ve said you wanted to give her more responsibilities since Tirek. This is a great opportunity.”

Celestia made a show of nodding and looking at the ponies around the table. I think some of them were starting to sweat. Celestia smiled and returned her attention to me.

“I don’t want to overwhelm her.”

“She’s been a Princess for over a year now Celestia. You know she’s dying to show what she can do.”

“I know... It’s just...”

She turned to the other ponies.

“Is there anything else pressing concerning the delegation?”

The ponies looked nervously at each other. Finally one spoke up.

“I think we’ve covered everything important for now Princess Celestia. Unless you had...concerns?”

“None that come to mind. Let us adjourn for the day. We can discuss the details tomorrow.”

The ponies all bowed their heads and exited the room. As soon as the last of them were out and the door shut, she turned back to me.

“I know Twilight is ready. And I’m sure she’ll do just fine with the delegation. It’s just hard to admit that she’ll be okay.”

I shook my head.

“You’ll have to explain.”

Celestia sat back down in her seat and sighed.

“Twilight has always been an excellent student. She’s surpassed all of my expectations at every opportunity.”

“And she’ll do it again with the delegation.”

“That’s not the point. She’s too good. Everything has happened so fast.”

“What do you mean fast? It’s not like she suddenly became the brightest unicorn in Equestria. She’s been like that all of her life. And she’s in her twenties.”

“Well twenty-odd years is pretty short to me.”

I smiled.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were seeing your child off to the first day of school.”

Celestia’s expression twisted a little as a tear rolled down her cheek. My eyes widened.

“Damn! I didn’t mean to- All I meant- Please Celestia, I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”

She wiped the tears away and sniffles.

“She’s grown up so fast. I know she has her own family. Her own parents. But... I was always so proud of her when she was at my school. And when she moved to Ponyville I was so scared that she wouldn’t follow my advice.”

The tears were starting to form again.

“I’ve watched her grow in every way possible. And now I’m sitting here talking about having her do something that I would normally do myself. Because she’s perfectly capable of doing it now.”

She leaned down close to me, her voice falling to a whisper.

“Yes. I’m a mother watching her child go out into the world. And even though she’s ready...I'm not.”

She rested her head on my shoulder as the tears kept falling. I put a hoof around her and held her there. She pressed so hard into me that I felt a small headache forming.

“She’s more than ready Celestia. And letting her do this doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need you. You’re always going to be her teacher. She’ll come to you with lots of problems. Most of them probably blown out of proportion.”

She laughed and lifted her head.

“True. She does seem to get stressed about the little things.”

I smiled up at the alicorn.

“Maybe you’re not her mother, but I would bet a million bits that you’re a close second for the title. Her mother may have raised her, but you helped shape her into the amazing pony she is now. And in that way, she’s yours.”

She nodded slowly.

“She’s the closest I’ll ever come to having a daughter. And I’ll never stop loving her as such.”

“Nopony ever said you had to.”

I shuffled my hooves.

“Can I ask you something?”

Celestia nodded. I took a breath before continuing.

“Why have you never had children of your own?”

She stared at me for several seconds, no doubt weighing her options.

“Well...as you’ve seen in the recent days...I’m very busy.”

“Fair, but lots of busy ponies make the time for a relationship.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Well yes, but you have to add in the Royalty factor. My duties always came first. There was never time for a suitor, let alone children.”

“And what about before your coronation? Surely you’d had some stallions interested? I mean...you’re an attractive mare.”

Her brow raised at that comment. I quickly continued.

“So there must have been somepony at least.”

She shook her head.

“I was young. I’d never really known anypony outside of my village. And I spent most of my time with Luna.”

“Causing all kinds of mischief I bet.”

Her smile returned.

“A little. But mostly I kept to my studies. I had always had an aptitude for magic. So did Luna. But she never took her studies quite as seriously back then.”

I was eating up every detail. She was being so open. I didn’t dare mention the fact lest I close the door on this opportunity. Celestia continued.

“But magic was a cornerstone of our culture. Everypony studied it, whether they had horns or not. We thought it important to have the knowledge. Especially since-“

She stopped suddenly and sat up straight.

“I’m sorry. I’m getting off topic.”

Damn.

“It’s okay. Were there really no stallions chasing after either of you back then?”

“No. Most of the stallions in my village were older. There weren’t a lot of children either. And the few colts there were were younger than Luna and I.”

“What about when the three kingdoms arrived?”

She glanced at me from the corner of her eye.

“What makes you think we weren’t part of the Unicorn Kingdom?”

“Oh come on Celestia. Even if the histories don’t explicitly say so, it’s obvious you and Luna were already living here. I take it that you lived in what was left of Grogar’s kingdom?”

“You do know that Grogar is just a legend, right?”

“Are you really going to lie to me? There’s far too many details and accounts for him to not be real. Maybe he’s just a fairy tale to the rest of Equestria, but you can’t fool me.”

She shrugged.

“Worth a shot. Grogar is something that we tried to put behind us.”

“But his time must have been long before you.”

“Not as long as you’d imagine. Yes it was still a few centuries, but we still dealt with what was left of his reign. Monsters roamed the land, the few towns there’d been were ancient ruins, and his actions left Gusty traumatized in her older age.”

“How would you know that if it happened hundreds of years before?”

“Well... She told me herself.”

“You’re telling me that Gusty the Great lived to be hundreds of years old?”

Celestia nodded.

“She was from my village originally. And she was the one to...create the spell for ascension.”

“You’re kidding!”

“I’m not. It’s because of Gusty that alicorns came into existence. And she was the first. She had to test it on somepony. And it was risky.”

“Did she know that it would make her live for so long?”

Celestia looked down at me and sighed.

“I believe your original question was if I met anypony after the kingdoms arrived and formed Equestria?”

Damn again.

“Sorry. I get sidetracked easily.”

Celestia nodded.

“As do I apparently. The answer is no. I didn't meet any suitors. In fact, the only stallion I met at first was Star Swirl. And that was a few years after Equestria was formed.”

“What was he like? I bet the stories don’t do him justice.”

“You’d be right. He was a force of nature in his own right. Especially in his younger years. Before he went grey he had a power that was on par with what I posses now.”

“He must have been something.”

“He was. I’m not embarrassed to admit that, when I first met him, I was a little taken. But his personality soon wiped out any crush I might have had.”

I chuckled.

“He sounded pretty eccentric from what I’ve read.”

“Now that history underplays. After I began to take lessons from him, I thought he was the craziest unicorn I’d ever met.”

“And he became your teacher, presented you and Luna to the kingdoms as potential rulers, and the rest is literally history.”

“Pretty much.”

“And being a Princess cut off your chances of a family?”

A smile crossed Celestia’s lips.

“All of Equestria became my family.”

I stood up and stretched my hooves.

“Thank you for telling me all of that. It was insightful. Though you definitely stopped yourself from telling me the good parts.”

“Perhaps when I’ve decided you’re ready.”

She stood and stretched as well.

“Come on. I’m starving. I might even take my time today and enjoy my meal.”

We left the meeting room and made our way to the kitchen. I kept glancing up at the Princess, wondering what the future would hold. Would she tell me more about those early years? There were so many unanswered questions about her life. It was one of the only undocumented periods of Equestrian history. My curiosity and thirst for knowledge were pushing me to find out.

I don’t know why I felt it was so important to know. Was it some leftover habit for finding an enemy’s weakness? Or was I genuinely interested in learning about my newest friend? It was a hard to judge my motives at times like this. I didn’t bare any ill will towards Celestia. I wanted her to trust me fully. I really wanted to be her friend.

I couldn’t help but inwardly roll my eyes. I was trying to make friends now? What had Twilight done to me? The very idea was bringing on another headache.

—————————

The day passed by without any more major conversations. Celestia kept it light after that. I didn’t mind. I was still processing everything anyways.

When the day came to a close, I retired to my room. I felt my body growing heavier as it realized that the bed was near. I fell into the mattress without hesitation, a sigh leaving my body in the process.

My mind was filled with the events of the day. It was a little much for me at the moment. I closed my eyes and began to focus. I pictured my cloud and allowed everything else to melt away. Only one thought remained; how thankful I was to Rarity for this meditation. I let all of my stress and anxiety from the day melt into a puddle. As it did, I could feel sleep creeping in on the edge of my vision. I happily fell into the abyss.

——————————

I opened my eyes and found myself in a meadow.

“This is new.”

“I thought we could talk somewhere more pleasant than the forest.”

I turned around. Luna was standing behind me. I felt a smile form.

“Anywhere is better than Everfree. It’s good to see you again Luna.”

She motioned for me to sit and I got comfortable. One of the plus sides of my dreams was that my bad leg wasn’t hurt here. I tucked it under my body without a problem. Luna took a seat as well.

“I heard from Celestia that you two have been causing a stir amongst the nobility. Do you delight in stretching the nerves of everypony?”

“It was her idea.”

“I know. But the question still stands.”

“Well...I guess so. It’s pretty fun to see them squirm.”

Luna smiled.

“Celestia and I used to do that to Star Swirl. He hated it.”

“She told me a little about your village today. It sounds like you two had a pretty normal fillyhood.”

“Until Star Swirl came along, yes. We were just your average fillies, even if we were very talented. And that’s all I’ll say right now. From what Celestia told me earlier, she said plenty.”

Damn again.

“Fine. Spoil my fun.”

“Why the interest in us?”

“Honestly? I just want to get to know you two.”

“Both of us? I know you’ve spent a good amount of time with Celestia, but you and I have only met a few times in your dreams really. I didn’t think that there’d be more to our acquaintanceship than that.”

I pretended to be hurt.

“Acquaintanceship? Is that all I am to you?”

She rolled her eyes.

“Celestia is rubbing off on you I see.”

I chuckled.

“I’d like to be your friend too Luna. Is that so hard to accept?”

“A little. I’m still a bit wary of you.”

“I’d be worried if you weren’t. I’m a changeling after all.”

She nodded her agreement. Before she could respond though, the ground shook slightly. I looked around the empty meadow.

“What was that?”

“That was you I believe. Your body must have had a muscle spasm. Those happen sometimes when you sleep. Though I’ve never seen it affect the dream world before...”

She became lost in thought. I looked around the meadow. It was peaceful here. And the moon was bathing it in a beautiful, blue light.

“You did a wonderful job with this dream.”

That snapped Luna back to the present.

“It was nothing. I try my best.”

“I don’t often get out at night. Is this how the sky always looks?”

“On a perfect, cloudless night? Yes.”

“It’s beautiful.”

She smiled, looking up at the dream sky.

“Thank you. Not many ponies compliment my nights.”

“That’s a shame. The night sky is far more entertaining to look at. The stars and the moon add something special.”

“I always thought so. But very few ponies get to enjoy it. Sleeping takes priority for most.”

“You don’t seem as sad about that now.”

She turned her gaze from the sky to me. I instantly regretted opening my mouth.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insinuate-“

She held up a hoof to silence me.

“It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean anything by it. I’ve grown a lot since my youth.”

“May I ask...why?”

She stared for a second, realizing what I was asking. A long sigh left her body.

“Do you mean why did I let my anger consume me?”

I nodded. Luna looked back up at the sky.

“I feel that it was more than that, but my emotions certainly contributed. I think the biggest factor was the isolation.”

“Isolation?”

“There’s nopony else that helps me in my role. Celestia requires a staff of dozens to help run the kingdom during the day, but there’s nothing that needs to be done during the night. So I’m left alone to handle my duties every evening.”

“That sounds lonely.”

She nodded.

“Then imagine doing that for a century. Nopony to see what you do for them. Left to protect them when they’re not even aware.”

“And Celestia was always the one in the public eye.”

“So does it surprise you that my darker emotions took root?”

“I suppose not. I can only imagine what that must have been like for you.”

“There are parts of my life that I prefer to leave in the past.”

Another tremor shook the ground. Luna looked around the meadow and frowned.

“This isn’t normal. Your dreamscape shouldn’t be affected by involuntary movements.”

She stood and approached me. I didn’t move as she began pacing around me.

“Tell me, have you been having headaches?”

“A couple today. But I figured that it was from all of those meetings.”

“Hmm...”

She paused in front of me.

“Shouldn’t you have a horn?”

I parted my mane, revealing the small stump I’d left during my alterations.

“It’s there, just hidden.”

“At least you didn’t get rid of it entirely. That could have caused you problems.”

“Well I guess that’s good . But this thing hardly does me any good anyways.”

Luna’s head tilted slightly.

“What do you mean?”

“Well I never use my magic, so what’s the point of a horn?”

She raised a hoof to her face and sighed.

“Well no wonder you’re getting headaches! How long has it been since you’ve used your magic?”

“I don’t know...almost a year?”

“You must be joking!”

I shook my head.

“After I made these alterations there hasn’t been any need.”

“Didn’t anypony ever tell you- No. I suppose you wouldn’t have known.”

It finally clicked in my head.

“You mean it’s a bunch of built up magic?”

She nodded.

“If you don’t cast spells, the unused magic will start discharging on its own. Headaches are the first side effect. If you don’t release the magic, the headaches will get worse.”

“Why do I feel like there’s more to it than that?”

“The discharges would get more intense until a final discharge would be set off. It would either kill you or drain you of all your magic permanently.”

“So...I need to use my magic.”

“Precisely.”

“I don’t think ponies will appreciate me disguising myself.”

“Surely you know other spells besides changing your form?”

“Not really. The most I can do is fire off bolts of energy.”

The Princess looked down at the ground, deep in thought.

“Hmm....perhaps we can fix that.”

What did she mean by that?

Before I could voice my question, a mist began to gather. I looked around as the grass of the meadow faded away, the fog rolling across the surface. I glanced back to Luna, but discovered that she’d disappeared. I rolled my eyes.

“Really? No explanation whatsoever?!”

The meadow faded away as I was once again consumed by the abyss. Honestly, what was with these Princesses and being vague?

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