Several hours later, Anon and Starlight walked the streets of Baltimare toward The Golden Trough.

Anon watched Starlight’s butt as they walked. He noticed her peek at him every few blocks, catch him looking, and smile. Sometimes she’d twitch or wave her tail too far and expose the edges of her labia. It was like she was… flirting with him. That was weird. He figured it was because she was under the influence of whatever concoction she’d consumed. How long would it last? Being honest, he hoped it would continue to the edge of interminability. At least she had control now, or greater control.

Starlight’s head was high, a fresh purrsian blue tucked against her ear. Her mane was combed and curled, and her coat was blessed by a subtle sheen beneath her saddlebags. When the wind wanted to tease him, it blew in his direction and he smelled the sweet scent of berries from her shampoo. She was adorable, the ideal date.

Anon felt plain in comparison. He didn’t have formal wear, and walking slouched with his hands in his khaki pockets would have made him near vagrant on earth. But ponies didn’t wear clothes except for the most special of circumstances, or if they were highbrow. His being dressed was already considered gussied. It took him several months of strange comments about his coming from a wedding or a ball before Luna explained ponies’ views on clothing. It must have seemed for them like someone running errands in a tuxedo would on earth. As strange as he still felt about it, he was overdressed for their fake date.

“This is the place,” Starlight said as they stopped at the entrance of a restaurant tucked between a perfume shop and exotic jams. Through the window Anon saw farm implements hung against the walls, horseshoes, scythes, an old plough, and the like. Interspersed around the room were old machines, like a cotton gin, a thresher, and a corn-sheller. The place looked like the interior of a barn. It reminded him of Cracker Barrel on earth, with a hint of Fridays. He wondered if it was also mid-tier. It seemed busy. There were ponies of all kinds and a few gryphons sitting at tables that looked as though they belonged in farm houses. From the name, he’d thought Burning Heart had suggested someplace fancier, but this seemed more like her kind of restaurant.

“Thanks again for doing this,” Anon said as he peeled his eyes from the rustic interior.

Starlight nodded. She was looking at the restaurant’s interior, too. “Are they in there?”

Anon scanned the tables. He didn’t know what Burning Heart’s fiancé looked like, but he didn’t see Burning Heart herself. “It doesn’t look like it. Don’t think they’ll mind if we grab a table.”

They entered together and were seated near a pillar in the center of the restaurant. Starlight removed her saddlebags and sat beside him. The restaurant smelled of fried foods and oats, like most horse eateries. Anon kept his eye on the entrance while Starlight browsed the menu. It was another five minutes before Burning Heart arrived, trailed by a stallion with a bluish grey coat and light grey mane. She spotted Anon immediately. He was easy to pick out in any equestrian crowd.

Burning Heart and her mate sat across from Anon and Starlight. The stallion looked nervous. It was a typical reaction; new ponies tended to either avert their gaze or size him up like a threat.

Anon stretched his fist toward Burning Heart. “Hey, glad you made it before we ordered.”

Burning Heart bumped it with her hoof. “We got a little preoccupied on the way here.” She gave her companion a smirk. He coughed and looked away from her. “This is Royal Riff, my fiancé. Royal Riff, this is Anonymous.”

“A pleasure,” Royal Riff said. He extended his hoof to Anon.

Anon bumped it. This stallion didn’t seem like Moonglade’s usual customers. Anon had expected some gruff bar crawler with more lice than manners. This pony seemed like he belonged in Canterlot.

“And you’re Anon’s marefriend, right?” Burning Heart said to Starlight.

Starlight nodded. “I’m Starlight Glimmer.”

“Burning Heart. You are pretty hot.” She gave Starlight an evaluative eye.

Anon puffed his chest. Epictetus said one shouldn’t be proud if their horse received a compliment, but Epictetus didn’t know Starlight. Anon was proud to be associated with her.

Starlight knocked hooves with them. “Er, thanks? Why don’t we order? I’m starving.”

They agreed. The menu was, for the most part, the typical pony faire, but they did have fish. Great. Would it kill ponies to try a bit of beef? Or would that be too close to cannibalism?

“I think I’ll have the spicy nachos as an appetizer,” Burning Heart said. “We can share them, if you can handle the heat.” She looked at Anon, eyes flashing.

“You ponies haven’t produced a food yet that I can’t stomach. Bring it on.”

“That might be a little too much for me. I think I’ll stick to the garden salad,” Starlight said.

Royal Riff nodded, eyes to his menu.

The table ordered when the server came. Anon decided to get a separate plate of nachos, sure the portions wouldn’t be enough. Burning Heart remarked that he was stretching Starlight’s wallet, but Starlight dismissed it. It was, of course, Anon paying for the meal, but Burning Heart didn’t need to know. And it would be easier to eat her under the table if he had a plate to himself.

Anon rounded on Royal Riff when the server left. Fancy though he may have been, he didn’t seem like a “trade up”. But Burning Heart wouldn’t have proposed their double date without a strategy. “So, Royal, what do you do for a living?”

Royal Riff looked up, a sheepish smile across his lips. “Well I—”

“He’s only music director for the Baltimare Symphony Orchestra,” Burning Heart said, eyes narrow and grinning. “Yeah, they tour all over Equestria and even play for the princesses sometimes.”

Damn her, he would be an important pony. Anon looked at Royal Riff, whose head was down and cheeks showing pink. Anon fixed his face into what he imagined was a polite smile, though he felt his jaw strain. “That’s pretty cool. I bet you’re pretty good, then?”

Royal Riff bowed his head. “I suppose. I studied at—”

“He’s only the best violinist in Equestria. He studied at the Canterlot Center for the Performing Arts,” Burning Heart said.

“Wow! That school is super elite. They even turned down Prince Blueblood once. The press loved it. I mean, not that he’s all that talented anyway,” Starlight said.

Double damn her. Anon clinched his pantleg, his smile felt fragile. What was this pony doing in a shady dive like Moonglade’s, and what was he doing with Burning Heart? Granted on a scale of one to ten the mare was an S-rank, but still.

Anon felt Starlight’s hoof atop his leg and he crash landed on Equus. He looked at her, there was concern in her eyes. He smiled and wrapped his fingers around her pastern. It was alright. Royal Riff may have been a successful musical genius, but Starlight had him beat. “That’s a hell of a resume, Royal. I’ll ask Luna about you next time I’m in Canterlot.”

“Princess Luna? You know her personally?” Royal Riff said a little too loud. Anon saw Burning Heart blow up her bangs. Got em.

“Oh yeah, we’re good friends.” Or used to be. “I know all the princesses, it’s no big deal.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re real special. But of course the princesses would be interested in an alien. I’m interested in you, Starlight.” Burning heart leaned over the table. “What do you do?”

“Me? I’m nopony special. I just—”

“She’s the personal protégé of Twilight Sparkle,” Anon said through a smirk. “And guidance councilor at the School of Friendship.”

“I um… yes.” Starlight pulled back her ears.

“I knew your name sounded familiar,” Royal Riff said. “My cousin attends Princess Twilight’s school. You helped her through a rough time.”

“Really? What’s your cousin’s name?”

“Toola Roola.”

“Oh, yeah! Toola was a big help to me, too. When Twilight and the other Elements released their journal, she—”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s great,” Burning Heart said, “but did you know Royal Riff also played for the delegation from Yakyakistan? Prince Rutherford even said… What was it?”

“This best pony music yaks heard,” Royal Riff imitated a gruff yak voice, then laughed. “That’s a funny story, actually. We’d been warned beforehoof that the yaks had very special tastes, so we—”

“Uh huh, yeah, yak stories. But did you know Starlight saved Equestria from the second changeling invasion by herself?” Anon said.

“Well, not really. I couldn’t have done it without Trixie, Discord, and Thorax.” Starlight hoofed at her fork.

“Oh yeah? Well Royal Riff…” Burning Heart trailed off when the server placed a plate of nachos in front of her. Anon received his, too.

“Thank Celestia,” Starlight whispered.

Anon and Burning Heart’s eyes met.

“Stallions first,” Burning Heart said. Her horn glowed and a jalapeño lifted in front of Anon’s face. “I’d understand if you want to back out. No pressure.”

Anon gripped the pepper slice between his fingers and popped it into his mouth. Challenge accepted.

They both attacked their plates like an undeclared war on corn chips and cheese. Anon scarfed down five or more at a time while Burning Heart crushed them with magic and streamed them into her mouth. It was pure carnage, a total snack war. About half-way into his plate, Anon felt the heat, but victory was worth a few tears.

Burning Heart slammed her hoof on the table, her eyes watering too. “Let’s up the ante. Waiter, bring us both a side of your ghost pepper cheese sauce.”

The room gasped. Anon hadn’t noticed how many ponies were paying attention, or maybe it was Burning Heart who’d awakened their attention. He looked to Starlight. She was staring at her hooves. “Starlight?” He was about to touch her withers, but was interdicted by the bowl of cheese sauce slid beneath his nose. It was pungent; it burned his nostrils like chlorinated water after a bad pool dive.

“Now the real battle begins,” Burning Heart dumped her spicy cheese bowl onto what remained of her nachos. Anon felt adrenaline clench his balls. This bitch. He dumped his cheese sauce onto his plate. Hushed whispers wormed through the room as he and Burning Heart stared each other down. And then they began. Both scooped a fistful into their mouths. The first mouthful went down easy, and the second. But when Anon swallowed the third, the heat flared like a phreatic eruption. He took a sharp breath. It didn’t help.

“Not giving up now, are you?” Burning Heart said. She was panting.

Anon punched his leg. “Never.”

They inhaled their lava pools to the last chip. Anon scooped the last chip with enough cheese for three and chomped on it. His tongue, throat, and stomach screamed, but with a victorious gulp he swallowed, popped out his seat and pumped his fist. “In your FACE!” He pointed at Burning Heart.

She growled and dropped her chip.

Anon heard a jingle and a thud. A bag of bits landed on the table beside him and Starlight rose from her seat.

“Congratulations.” She said, lifted her saddlebags, and left.

“Starlight?” Anon said through a rasp. He looked at Burning Heart and Royal Riff. Both seemed shocked, too. Anon bolted after her.

--

Anon caught up to Starlight a block from The Golden Trough. She was walking, head down. Regret mixed with confusion in his chest, a dull ache as he mulled. “Starlight wait,” he slowed his pace when he was beside her. “What’s wrong?”

Starlight’s ear flicked. She was silent a moment, then turned toward him. “Why did you ask me to come with you?”

“I…” Anon paused. Somehow, he didn’t think ‘to show up my ex’ was a good answer. But that was the answer, wasn’t it? His gut twisted.

Starlight continued walking.

“Starlight…” Anon walked with her, but his tongue was a lead weight.

“I don’t know what I expected,” Starlight said after a few dozen paces. “You told me you’d wanted to save face.” She looked into his eyes. “But maybe I was hoping that…” Her eyes glossed over.

“Hoping what? Starlight?” Anon waved his hand in front of her face. “Hello?”

“I’m on my way,” Starlight said.

“On your way where? Starlight?”

Starlight’s horn flashed and she was gone. Anon’s whole world seemed to go with her.