"The purple bottle was probably safe, I had hoped."

The purple bottle was a bottle of Agent Purple. You swallowed it and died.

"But I'm still alive and talking to you right now!"

Hey.

"What?"

Did I ever mention who I was?

"No..."

I'm Haley Joel Osment.

"Does that mean I was Bruce Willis all along?"

Yeah.

"Oh NOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo"