Previously on The League of Sweetie Belles...

“Fight you! I’m gonna fight you! For no reason!” Suzie cried at the group of small foals, demonstrating why the Sweetie League had such faith in her.

“Wait,” Seren stepped forward. “Allow me to beat these children.”

“Hm… Very well. I have the utmost confidence in you.”

Seren was knocked unconscious by a large tree.

“I do not have the utmost confidence in you.”

“Help!” Spike cried as Celia grabbed him from behind. “I’m being bullied by this edgelord!”

“I’m gonna join the bad guys.” Diamond Tiara stated.

Cinder shrugged. “I’m convinced. Welcome aboard!”

EPISODE III:
怪我をすることなく2Dキャラクターと握手できますか?
Kega o suru koto naku 2 D kyarakutā to akushu dekimasu ka?
Encounter with a Memetic Hazard

As the Flat moved forward, Seren shook herself off and wandered back to Suzie’s side, beaming proudly.

“Oh, I’m so happy that they were able to defeat me,” she quipped with a chuckle. “Not only was it a fun fight, but they’re one step closer to facing you.” She turned to Suzie. “You must be excited.”

Suzie leisurely kicked one of her legs back, a devious smirk planted on her face. “You could say that. There are other words… anticipatory, enthralled, gleeful; but yes, excited works. Excited works excellently.”

Cheerilee raised an eyebrow. “I think your evil tone of voice ruined the content of what you just said.”

Suzie shrugged, indicating she didn’t care.

Suddenly, the flapping of wings garnered the trio’s attention. Two pegasi and an earth pony joined them, watching the scene before them with interest.

“This looks different from the usual fighting I’ve seen,” Caramel said. “And I just came back from watching three ponies burst out of a stone wall and fuse a bunch of other ponies together before posing flamboyantly.”

“Isn’t flamboyant your style, though?” Flitter snarked.

“So, what is all this, Cheerilee?” Blossomforth asked, landing next to the teacher.

“I’ll tell you when the fight’s over,” Cheerilee whispered. “I’m curious to see this strange… person in action.”

Suzie smirked. “Don’t blink - she may look odd, but there’s very few that can comprehend the being that is…”

The flat creature smirked evilly and held her fist out in front of her. “Watashi, Burgerbelle, anata no taisen aite ni narimasu!”

“What in tarnation am I lookin’ at?” Apple Bloom pondered as Burgerbelle walked closer in a manner that made her appear like something from a flip-sketch that had every second frame missing. “Kinda creepy.”

“Hey, that’s me you’re talking about,” Sweetie cried. “Uh, technically.”

“Don’t sweat it, Sweetie,” Scootaloo said, clapping her on the shoulder. “You’re a ton creepier than her.”

“Gee, thanks…”

For a moment, Burgerbelle’s face was replaced with a skull containing one intense, glowing eye. She moved like the wind, appearing behind them all with a tremendous blue stop sign in her hands. “Anata wa warui jikan o sugoshitaidesu ka?” She quickly slapped the three of them to the side with her stop sign and chuckled, her face returning to normal.

“Okay, I take it back - she’s way creepier than our creepy Sweetie,” Scootaloo muttered, standing back up.

Apple Bloom sighed. “Scootaloo, do you ever think before you say somethin’?”

“Pshaw! I live in the here and now, no time for regrets!”

“You’ve been hangin’ out with Rainbow too much.”

Burgerbelle spread her arms out. “Uchi ni oide, baka!”

“”Hey, she just insulted us!” Scootaloo cried. “Quick, girls - do what Cheerilee told us to do and respond with violence!”

Cheerilee felt several sets of eyes bore into the back of her skull. “...I didn’t teach them that directly…”

“It was implied, wasn’t it?” Blossomforth asked.

“I mean, there was that one day I went on a rant about… it’s not important, what is important is that it’s helping them in this case.””

“And what about other cases?”

“That’s tomorrow-Cheerilee’s problem.”

Sweetie grabbed Scootaloo’s tail with magic. “Wait! Remember what happened with Seren? Instead of attacking blindly, let’s strategize and use our powers together.”

Apple Bloom nodded. “I agree. Scoots, you bring in a breeze from behind Burgerbelle while I light up the ground in front of her. Sweetie, you put up some ice pillars around her.”

The three fillies leapt into action: Apple Bloom scorched the ground in front of Burgerbelle, Scootaloo called in a powerful gale, and Sweetie made pillars of ice burst out of the ground, entrapping their opponent.

What they didn’t expect was for Burgerbelle to jump into the fire and swim through it like it was nothing. As they watched in awe, Burgerbelle dove beneath the flames, then emerged on the back of a giant yellow rat with a jagged tail wreathed in lightning.

“Chikapu, sandabaruto o shiyo!”

The enormous rat produced an ear-splitting clap of thunder, then bolted away so fast that Burgerbelle fell off and landed on top of the three fillies. Cries of pain pierced the air as the CMC received nicks and cuts all over their bodies from Burgerbelle’s jagged and flat outline.

“Girls, fall back!” Apple Bloom pulled herself free and ran off a short distance. “Brainstorm formation!”

Scootaloo and Sweetie joined her, somehow having already covered themselves in plasters and bandages, and linked forelimbs to form a circle.

“This is definitely different from fighting Seren,” Sweetie groaned. “My head hurts when I look at Burgerbelle and try to understand. How the heck are we supposed to fight her when…”

“...When she acts like Pinkie Pie,” Apple Bloom finished. “I mean… two Pinkie Pies? Think I got a chill down my spine.”

“Hey, none of this downer talk!” Scootaloo said sharply. “Come on - we gotta think more positively.”

“Watashi wa hijo ni uete iru.” Burgerbelle interjected.

“Yeah,” Sweetie nodded. “After this, we should go grab some sandwiches from…”

The CMC collectively looked at Burgerbelle standing between Sweetie and Apple Bloom.

“... Kinda rude to eavesdrop, isn’t it?”

Burgerbelle let out a laugh. “Kōgeki-mei wa darenimo wakaranaideshou!” She pulled the CMC into a powerful hug, that made them all squeak like dog toys. Struggle as they might, they could not escape her papery arms.

Apple Bloom lit herself on fire, only to find that Burgerbelle was suddenly wearing a hazard suit. “What in-” Burgerbelle threw the three of them down, ripping the hazard suit off and using it like an entangling whip on them. Before any of them could say anything, she tossed a can of green soda at them, which exploded, showering all of them in sticky sugary goodness.

“...I feel as if we’re missing context,” Caramel said.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know,” Suzie muttered.

“Watashi wa shikkari shita mārezādesu!” Her eyes bugged out and her mouth opened to an impossible size, producing a large blue laser that hit the ground in front of the CMC, freeing them but also sending them flying backwards.

Burgerbelle was waiting where they landed, blowing a giant airhorn in their ears several times. Sunglasses dropped from nowhere onto her face and she proceeded to start dancing the most obnoxious dance the CMC had ever seen - and the lighthearted music that played during it was enough to make Scootaloo’s blood boil.

“Ah, to heck with this!” Scootaloo dusted herself off and gathered her power. “I’m gonna slap you silly with my wind!”

“Scootaloo!” Apple Bloom cried. “Don’t! She’s just gonna-”

Scootaloo projected an immense blast of wind…

… and Burgerbelle’s eyes bugged out as the imprint of a hand appeared on her cheek. The force was so great that she spun in place several times; odd to watch, since it just looked like she was phasing in and out of sight.

“... get… hit?” Sweetie frowned. “How’d you do that? Weren’t you worried she’d just do something weird and negate it?”

Scootaloo seemed just as surprised. She stared at her hooves. “I… didn’t think. I just did it.”

Suddenly, a light bulb appeared over Apple Bloom’s head. “I get it now!” As the lightbulb grew spiky yellow hair and flew off shooting beams of energy, Sweetie ran forward and pulled her friends into another huddle. “Girls, I get it!”

“Well, tell us already!” Apple Bloom said.

“First things first…” Apple Bloom whipped her hoof back without thinking. Burgerbelle yelped and tumbled across the ground. “So, if we had to fight Seren usin’ our heads and thinkin’ ahead, then maybe for Burgerbelle, we have to do the opposite.”

“Not thinking?”

“Let’s fight fire with fire. If we’re more random than her, then she can’t out-random our attacks!”

Scootaloo blinked. “Apple Bloom, that makes no sense. And that’s coming from me, who makes Cheerilee cry whenever I have to answer a maths question.”

“Huh. British,” Suzie observed.

“Good!” Apple Bloom cried. “Now, let’s get out there and give no thought to what our actions will accomplish!”

“Okay, that I understand,” Scootaloo admitted.

Breaking apart, the CMC roared in challenge and ran in completely different directions. Burgerbelle blinked and split herself into three duplicates, then tunnelled beneath the earth to pop up in front of the fillies.

Sweetie fired icicles into the air randomly before sending a snowstorm in the general direction of Burgerbelle, who easily avoided it by sneezing so hard she flew up into the air.

Only for the icicles to start raining down and hitting her in the head.

“Shiko-ryoku ga teika suru!”

Meanwhile, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom had ended up in the same area - via Scootaloo tripping into a cardboard box with her legs cycling in the air, and Apple Bloom running aimlessly into a wall - when two Burgebelle copies appeared and drew katanas out of thin air. With flashy and wholly unnecessary movements, they eventually passed through their opponents, leaving them seemingly unharmed.

“Omae wa mou…” Burgerbelle 1 said.

“Shindeiru.” Burgerbelle 2 finished.

Apple Bloom, still roaring and running into the wall, shouted, “No, you!”

“NANI!?” The Burgerbelles’ eyes widened an instant before ghostly slashes made them recoil in pain. Then, they exploded into the air.

Scootaloo decided to use her wind powers and turned her new home into a tiny helicopter. Like an irate tortoise that had too many energy drinks, she bowled into the Burgerbelles in mid-air and sent them flying into the third Burgerbelle, forcing them into one being once more.

Seren whooped. “They’re doing it!”

Suzie nodded. “They’re out-randoming the random through use of sporadic behavior, a known weakness of Burgerbelle’s. She is, after all, a force of nature, and can only be overcome by…” She noticed Cheerilee staring at her. “What?”

“You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you?”

“...I know enough,” Suzie huffed.

Burgerbelle staggered to her feet, apparently very hurt despite only showing a few scuff marks and grunting and clicking her tongue a lot. “F-Fukanō! Watashi no mīmu-ryoku wa saidaidesu…”

The CMC surrounded Burgerbelle, apparently seriously hurt by their own doing despite only showing a few scuff marks and grunting and clicking their tongues a lot.

“Tch… That’s… hrn… what you think… keh… but so long as… hurh… we’re together…” Apple Bloom gathered fire in the middle of her forehoof. “We’ll always win!”

Burgerbelle could do nothing but accept her fate as the CMC blasted her with the full force of their powers; she was swallowed from view by a cloud of steam and smoke.

As were the CMC as they boldly closed their eyes and flailed their limbs around for maximum unpredictability.

When the dust settled, Burgerbelle was lying on her back with crosses for eyes, and the CMC were charred grey with wisps of smoke curling from their bodies.

“Well…” Cheerilee scratched her head. “I can’t say that it was low-energy. Certainly not lacking for visual stimuli.”

“It’s incredible that they were able to overcome Burgerbelle’s reality-bending abilities, but I’m not complaining,” Suzie chuckled and hefted her sword to rest over her shoulder. “Burgerbelle! Disengage!”

With a strained groan, Burgerbelle got up and wobbled back to Suzie’s side. “My butt hurts.”

Suzie ignored her and swept her free hand out as the CMC brushed the soot off their coats. “Well done, Crusaders! You’re putting up more of a fight than I had anticipated.”

“We’ll never surrender to you!” Apple Bloom cried. “We’ll fight you for all eternity if that’s what it’ll take to keep Equestria safe!”

“Or, until Twilight complains hard enough that Discord caves in.” Scootaloo added.

“Then let’s not waste anymore time, hm?” Suzie grinned darkly. “For you see, Seren and Burgerbelle are not my only champions…”

“Hey, that’s our line! Get ready to open the portal!”

“Diamond, I don’t wanna do this.”

“Quiet, Silver! Prepare your deadly spoon powers!”

“Hey, I may be the most inexperienced member of the Sweetie League, but I still think I should be the one in charge of this group.”

“Excuse me, but who’s wearing the tiara around here?”

“Not you.”

“Eh? Oh, darn it - I left it back when we were changing!”

“The truth is that you have dissenters amongst your town’s populace,” Suzie paused for dramatic effect. “Two ponies that you’d never suspect to betray you.”

Everyone watching the encounter started murmuring - the ponies of Ponyville, the commenters, Seren, and even the CMC themselves - who could it be!?

The CMC clenched their teeth and stared Suzie down. “What in tarnation are you talkin’ about?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Are you all serious!?” Minuette shouted from a distance. “We all know who it is!”

She was shushed by the ponies next to her.

“CMC…” Suzie snapped her fingers. “Meet your doom.”

Three fillies walked out of the gaping portal behind Suzie. Diamond Tiara marched in front of the group with her head held high and haughtily while Cinder and Silver Spoon trailed behind her, the latter searching the ground for a decent-sized pebble she could sprain her ankle on.

“Diamond Tiara. Silver Spoon,” Scootaloo said with all the shock and passion of someone that had found a stone in their shoe. “How could you?”

Such emotional turmoil was lost on Diamond Tiara, who just laughed cruelly. “This is what happens when you don’t give me the attention somepony of my power deserves!”

“Uh, I’m only with her to play around with this ‘anime’ stuff, so…” Cinder cleared her throat. “Yeah.”

Silver Spoon blinked. “Um…”

Suzie snickered as her newly-formed team prepared to engage the CMC, her voice lowering so only she could hear herself. “Oh, this is totally gonna be a fun day~”

EPISODE IV:
道化師を食べないでください。あなたは面白いと感じるでしょう
Dōkeshi o tabenaide kudasai. Anata wa omoshiroi to kanjirudeshou
In Which a Lot of Crazy Stuff Happens

Apple Bloom clenched her teeth in frustration. “Dammit, Diamond, how’re-”

Immediately, Diamond Tiara snapped her hoof out and summoned a large grizzly bear that flipped through the air and landed on Apple Bloom, cracking the ground. The bear snuffed cutely before dissipating.

“H-hey!” Scootaloo cried. “You’re not supposed to attack when somepony’s gonna monologue! That’s against the rules!”

“I’m rich! I don’t need to follow the rules!” Diamond Tiara scoffed before summoning a large eagle and hopping on its back. “Right now, the only rule I need to follow…” She commanded the eagle to take her up into the air and swoop towards the CMC. “Is to not hold back!”

Cinder watched her self-appointed ‘leader’ battle it out for a few seconds before turning to Silver Spoon. “So, I’m not entirely sure how to act… well, ‘anime.’ I mean, it looks like I have to ham it up like I’m Rarity, but…”

Silver Spoon shrugged. “Like, I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. I’m only going along because Diamond Tiara will make this awful whining noise if I don’t.”

Cinder frowned sympathetically. “That’s fine. Hey, she’s not looking now, so maybe this is your chance to escape.”

“Really? What about you?”

“I don’t understand this either, but I’ll do it because it’ll make Suzie happy,” Cinder glanced over at her REAL leader, who was watching the fight with a cheerful expression and child-like glee. “It’s nice seeing this side of her. You know, when it’s not slightly creepy.”

With a farewell smile, Cinder charged into the fray with embers spitting from her horn. Silver Spoon looked around and after a moment’s hesitation, turned around to-

“Sneaking off in the middle of combat?!” Scootaloo suddenly crashed down in front of her, a personal cyclone cloaking her. “Your reluctance to fight doesn’t scare me!”

Silver Spoon sighed. “I accept my fate.”

Meanwhile, even more of Ponyville’s citizens had joined the commentators. Dozens of mares and stallions took a break from their own personal clashes to watch as the CMC destroyed public property and secured their position as ‘the ponies that earned the most noise complaints.’

So not that much different from a normal Tuesday, really.

“Heheh - I mean, kukukuku~!” Suzie chuckled to herself. “They think they can fight so well, but with Spike captured they will never be able to win…”

“We’re not deaf!” Minuette called.

Suzie glanced at Minuette, raising an eyebrow. “You going to tell them, then?”

Minuette blinked. “Uh…”

“Anyone?”

Cheerilee rubbed the back of her head nervously.

“Then I’ll continue malevolently plotting under my breath.”

“That definitely wasn’t under your breath,” Caramel said.

Suzie had, apparently, become deaf.

Cinder noticed that Diamond Tiara was locked in combat with Sweetie, so she decided to engage Apple Bloom, who was only now recovering from being sat on. She realized that a fire user fighting a fire user wasn’t the most effective or nail-biting experience, but she reasoned that it would be the safest bet until she better understood how anime worked.

“Uh, hello there!” Cinder shouted, gaining Apple Bloom’s attention. “I shall be your opponent now! I’m gonna…” She looked over her shoulder at Suzie, who gestured grandly and clenched her fists. Cinder turned back. “My powers of flame will triumph over yours and Ponyville will kneel before me as the world’s most powerful pyromancer!”

Suzie gave a thumbs-up.

“Now this makes sense,” Apple Bloom perked up. “Alrighty then - Cinder, right? Let’s see which of us is tougher.”

Apple Bloom unleashed a torrent of fire that took the form of a drill, driving itself through the air at Cinder like a reverse tornado. Cinder leaped to the side, rolling in the dirt and sending a small fireball at Apple Bloom in the process.

“That all you got? Fireballs?” Apple Bloom asked, holding her hooves above her head and forming a fireball larger than herself. “Ah’ll show you fireballs…!”

“Uh…” Cinder analyzed the situation - realizing the fireball was moving slowly, she backed up, out of the way of its intense flames. It slowly crashed down into the earth where she’d just been, singing the grass. Cinder got the impression she was supposed to wait for it to dissipate before doing anything.

“How did you survive that?” Apple Bloom asked once the smoke cleared.

“I backed out of the way.” Cinder smiled innocently and held up a hoof, forming a larger fireball in the air - though nowhere near as large as Apple Bloom’s gigantic monstrosity. Without any sort of mocking words or banter, she tossed the fireball - along with several others of similar size in rapid succession.

“Wh - hey!” Apple Bloom surrounded herself in a torrent of fire, absorbing all the attacks easily. Then she let out an explosive flaming burst directed right at Cinder - who dodged behind a rock long before it reached her.

Cinder proceeded to poke her hoof above the rock and lob fireballs at Apple Bloom from further away.

“...Really?”

“What? It’s effective!” Cinder copied Apple Bloom’s fire shield earlier - her own power making it much smaller and less flashy, but it was still strong enough to dissipate an incoming beam of spiralling fire. Then she jumped to the side, launching a fireball into Apple Bloom’s face before she had time to react.

“Can’t help but feel like you could use some advice.” Apple Bloom casually brushed soot from her face. “I mean, you got the speech thing right, but you’re not fightin’ proper-like. Where’s the dashes, the crossed forelegs while getting pushed back, the flair, the laughing? You’re just… normal.”

Cinder blushed. “Sorry, I’m new to this.”

Apple Bloom hummed. “... Ooh! Why don’t ya try jumpin’ in the air and spinnin’ around to make a huge flame dragon?”

“I don’t think I could stay in the air for that long? And I’d probably get dizzy.”

“Don’t sweat the details,” Apple Bloom shrugged. “Think about what you would think is cool to see, then do it! Like this!”

Slamming her hoof into the earth, Apple Bloom sent glowing orange cracks around her like a spiderweb. Cinder yelped and jumped back and forth to dodge the geysers of flame that erupted forth.

“See? Isn’t it cool?” Apple Bloom yelled over the roaring flames. “Gets the blood pumpin’, don’t it?”

Cinder found a safe spot within the water of Ponyville’s stone fountain. “I can’t argue with that…” She sighed, pulling a piece of seaweed from her mane. Why was there seaweed in the fountain? She knew better than to dwell on it. “Although, what’s making my blood pump probably isn’t the same as yours.”

At that moment, there was a shrill scream. Cinder flinched as Sweetie hit the ground hard, thankfully not on a geyser. Apple Bloom quickly quelled the flames.

“Hey, you okay there, Sweetie?”

Sweetie lifted her head, eyes unfocused and swirling. “I-”

A partially transparent ghost elephant sat on top of her.

“Diamond, that ain’t right!” Apple Bloom yelled up at the conceited filly as she rode by on her hawk, cackling loudly. “Come on - let’s be mature and sophisticated-like about beatin’ the snot outta one another.”

The elephant let out a loud fart.

Cheerilee shook her head. “Even Snips and Snails appeal to a wider audience with their potty humour,” She turned to the other Ponyville citizens. “Snips. And Snails. Use potty humour better.”

They clicked their tongues and shook their heads disapprovingly.

Diamond Tiara stuck her tongue out. “I don’t need you foals’ approval. I’m in this for revenge! Fart harder, my minion! Fart until her face falls off!”

Cinder had never seen a ghost elephant stomp and fart on somepony before - she also never thought she’d formulate a sentence like that - but even she could tell when enough was enough. She jumped out of the fountain and waved to her ‘teammate.’

“Hey, DT, can we talk for a minute?”

“Eh? What for? We’re winning right now. I’m destroying Sweetie, you’re…” She waved her hoof. “Keeping Apple Bloom engaged, and Silver Spoon’s doing just fine with Scootaloo,” She turned her head. “Right, Silver Spoon?”

Silver Spoon’s reply couldn’t be heard over the roar of a 165 mph tornado.

“See?”

Cinder sighed. “It won’t take long.”

Diamond Tiara debated for a few moments before shrugging and calling off her spirits. “Fine,” Commanding her eagle to take her next to Cinder, she sent it back to the spirit world and jerked her head away from the fight. “Make sure it’s quick.”

“Hey, so, uh… you aren’t exactly being… how do I put this… very fun?”

“...Fun.”

“Yes. Fun.”

“I’m not here to have fun!”

“I mean, isn’t that what we’re all here for? Have a bit of fun ‘conquering’ a world, shoot some crazy magic around, mock and endlessly reference things I don’t understand?” She smiled brightly. “I mean, Sweetie over there doesn’t look like she’s enjoying this, and neither do you.”

“Who says I need to? Humph!”

“Diamond…”

“Look, I joined you guys for one thing: to beat the CMC for ignoring me like I’m some filler arc villain. If you don’t want to do that, then stay out of it, I’ll beat them all by myself.”

“Wait…” Cinder reached out but was ignored. Diamond Tiara hopped back on her eagle and returned to hammering the CMC with her spirits. Cinder sighed in frustration. “Jeez, no matter the universe, that filly will always have an attitude problem, huh? Hm… what should I do now?”

“Psst! Hey, little girl!” Cinder turned her head to see Suzie waving her over, having procured a black cloak to drape over herself. “Little girl, come over here while no one’s looking.”

“Against my better judgement…” Cinder trotted on over. “What do you need? Actually, no, my first question is why you’re wearing that cloak?”

“This is a mantle.”

“Didn’t answer my question.”

“Anyway, I called you over here because I wanted-”

“I’m still wondering by the way.”

“-to do a little ‘villain gloats in front of her minion’ activity,” Suzie said with a cocky smirk. “Now, this is the part where I cross my arms, throw my head back, and laugh.”

“And I’m guessing you want me to join?”

“Mm-hm. Ready?”

Cinder shrugged.

Suzie led the way with a sinister laugh that sent real chills down Cinder’s spine, which caused her laugh to stutter awkwardly and trail off into a faded titter.

“Those fools have no chance to win! Even if they defeat Diamond Tiara, they’ll have to go against my final champion, who is the strongest!” Suzie clenched her fist dramatically. “And with Spike imprisoned, our victory is assured because living beings that could free him are my minions. And they totally won’t betray me because none of them were unsettled by Tiara’s behaviour!”

Cinder blinked.

Suzie waited a few seconds, leering evilly at empty air. “... Yep. Not expecting a betrayal at all.”

Cinder looked back at the portal.

“Pride and short-sightedness won’t be the downfall of this evil overlord, no sirree, Bob.”

Cinder, curious, decided to remain and stare at Suzie.

“... Spike won’t be able to free himself without outside help, so I’m not worried in the slightest.”

Cinder fought back a grin.

“All I have to do is sit back and watch as my victory over this world finally comes to fruition. My champions will definitely-” Suzie suddenly looked sharply over her shoulder, a large red criss-cross shape blinking on her forehead. “Will definitely win because Spike is captured and no one knows he’s imprisoned!”

Cinder hid her mouth with her hoof and snickered. “Right you are, boss.”

Suzie sighed in relief and turned around to whistle a merry tune while Cinder disappeared into the portal.

Meanwhile, Diamond Tiara was beginning to lose ground. Unlike before, the CMC seemed to have learned from their previous fights: they were using their powers in less direct and more inventive means, but every so often, one of them would do something random that left Diamond Tiara confused and constantly guessing whether this attack was a feint, or that attack was even aimed at her. As little as Silver Spoon contributed to a fight, she at least provided a decent enough distraction to keep one of the CMC occupied.

Unfortunately, Silver Spoon was embedded in the wall of a building with her hindlegs kicking futilely. Diamond Tiara was well and truly on her own.

Not as easy as she thought, but she refused to admit that.

“Th-this isn’t even my final form!” Diamond Tiara shouted, summoning a murder of crows to shield herself from a three-pronged attack of fire, ice, and wind. “I have, like… seven more forms that I can go through, each more powerful than the last!”

“Maybe you should skip to the final one, then,” Scootaloo said, throwing herself high over Diamond Tiara’s head with a downward gust. “Because if you don’t, then this will be the final blow!”

Diamond Tiara clicked her tongue and directed her crows above her, anticipating Scootaloo’s attack…

… which just involved Scootaloo smirking cheekily and using a powerful updraft to send herself even higher.

“N-Nani?!”

Diamond Tiara heard a sound like a glass of ice being dragged across a table multiplied tenfold and turned her head to see a huge pillar of ice shoot up from the earth.

“Uh-oh.”

Her spirit animals dispersed as she was hit and tossed high into the air. Scootaloo sent down a powerful wind tunnel at the same time as Apple Bloom ran beneath them and conjured a swirling vortex of flame. Diamond Tiara’s breath was knocked out of her as she was pushed into the firestorm, her coat seared with intense heat before she hit the ground hard enough to send cracks out like a spiderweb.

“Ugh… n-no…” Diamond Tiara weakly sat up, her eyes glazed and unfocused. “I-I can’t lose… This can’t be possible… I’m the strongest… I’m…”

Sweetie walked over, summoned an ice cube, and pressed it against the back of Diamond Tiara’s neck.

“Eep! Cold!” Jerking away, the rich filly slipped and knocked herself out on the ground.

“Heck yeah!” Apple Bloom cheered and grabbed her two friends in a hug when they got back together. “Three for three! Nothing can stop us now!”

Suddenly, Suzie laughed loudly, surprising the CMC. “Oh, your optimism is so adorable. It almost makes me feel bad that I have to destroy it. Almost.”

“Cheerilee…” Sweetie called. “Someone in a black cloak is talking to us. Isn’t that what you warned us against?”

“Ah, but that’s a mantle, not a cloak,” Cheerilee pointed out. “There’s a difference, see?”

“But…”

“You see, I’ve saved my best champion for last,” Suzie snapped her fingers. “Those you’ve faced up until now? An appetizer - something to watch and enjoy like a movie on Saturday night.”

“Ooh, that sounds great!” Seren said. “Burgerbelle, remind me to rent movies for Saturday night, will you?”

Burgerbelle flashed a thumbs-up. “Hai!”

Meanwhile, the CMC watched in awe as the portal behind Suzie wavered and pulsed before collapsing in on itself, then spreading out. Potent and mysterious energy charged the air as an enormous dolphin-like shape phased into their world.

“Oh my gosh…” Apple Bloom gasped. “It’s huge!”

“I suppose I should take that as a compliment,” A synthetic voice boomed out from the large, matte black spaceship. “Sadly, I receive so few despite everything I do for the League. I even painted myself black, but-”

Suzie cleared her throat. “Swip! I’ve had my fill of watching these sad ‘heroes’ flail around. End them immediately!”

“Wait, are you saying I can actually blast something? Go all-out?”

Suzie nodded.

“Well, then… this may be fun after all.”

With a chorus of clicks and whirs, Swip’s exterior metal plating shifted and slid backwards like a Rubik’s Cube in reverse, revealing an array of frightening weaponry that crackled with immense power. The CMC clung to one another as Swip loomed over them, her rounded body and countless mechanical arms making her look more like a giant spider rather than a vessel - a spider that learned how to use enormous laser cannons and plasma chainsaws.

“Ah, this isn’t good,” Scootaloo whimpered. “Our powers are on Tracker X Tracker shonen-level, not Basiliskball Z! We can’t fight something from a mecha anime…”

“Well, girls,” Sweetie sniffed. “Looks like this is the end. We did our best.”

“Yeah, we did,” Apple Bloom hugged her friends tightly. “See you on the other side.”

“The other side of what?” Scootaloo asked.

“The other side of the table at Sugarcube Corner. Let’s go there for milkshakes.”

Suddenly, Swip leaned sharply to one side and veered off to crush one of Ponyville’s buildings.

“Hope that wasn’t my house.” Lyra muttered.

“It’s mine!” Bon-Bon cried.

“Phew.”

“You live with me, dummy!”

“Noooooo!!”

Swip flew higher to avoid crashing into things and started making retching noises. As everyone watched, an extra-large panel opened on her side and out tumbled a mass of green and purple.

Incidentally, Swip had been hovering over the audience when that happened. Completely by accident, surely.

“Is that Spike?” Apple Bloom said in astonishment. “He got really big again.”

True enough, when Spike got to his feet, he towered as high as town hall. His forearms were longer and muscular and his legs were thick as tree trunks. The crest of spikes on his back were bigger, sharper - a testament to his strength.

When he stooped down to open a clenched fist, a small filly jumped onto the ground and waved at the CMC. “Hey, I brought you guys back-up!”

“Cinder!” The CMC cried jubilantly.

“I couldn’t stand by while Suzie just did what she wanted with your world,” Cinder said, casually stowing away what looked like a script. “Or, something like that.”

“But Spike…” Sweetie gestured to the enormous dragon. “How did…?”

“Suzie captured him because he overheard something critical about her. Something that could give you an edge in battle. So, I went and freed him. It was pretty easy; I had this candy bar in my pocket and I told him I wasn’t going to share. Then he said, ‘you wouldn’t like me when I’m hungry’ and transformed into that.”

Apple Bloom shrugged. “Makes sense. But what was that thing you wanted to tell us?”

“Oh, well-”

Suzie suddenly appeared behind her in a flash of dark energy. “Uh-uh, I don’t accept traitors in my ranks.” With a sweep of her arm, she covered Cinder with her mantle. When she swept her arm back, she was gone.

“Cinder!” Apple Bloom cried in horror. “Why did you do that?”

“Your new friend…” Suzie paused. “What do you mean, ‘why?’ She betrayed me. I’m a villain. Name one anime villain that ever let a traitor go unpunished.”

“Dark Grid from Bucker in the Lake.”

Suzie glared at her for five long seconds before disappearing into her shadow and reappearing on top of Swip. “Annihilate them. Quickly.”

“I know I can’t get indigestion, but that was the closest I’ll ever get,” Swip turned on Spike and unveiled a forked cannon with lightning arcing between the prongs. “You know, I’m curious… I mean, I already know the answer since I have a database full of information that’s been fact-checked over 2 million times since I came online… but just for the sake of veracity, why don’t we see the results of lightning on a young dragon’s physiology?”

Spike didn’t seem phased. He turned to the CMC and gave a thumbs-up. “Don’t worry, guys. I’ll save Ponyville.”

He stepped off the groaning citizens pressed into a perfect imprint of his butt and immediately swelled further in size until he was almost as large as Swip. He spread his legs and arms apart, bared his teeth, and shuddered as the muscles on his back twisted unnaturally to form the face of a grinning demon.

“Or destroy it trying.”

“Y-yeah?” The CMC half-cheered and gave strained smiles, looking at one another questioningly.

“SCALE OF MIDNIGHT!” Spike shouted, ramming one of his elongated scales into Swip’s front hull. Her shield systems snapped the spike in two and sent it flying into the wreckage that was Bon Bon’s house.

“Uh…” Spike blinked. He pressed his hands to the edges of Swip’s shield, finding her and all her excess weapons and claws to be encased in the smooth barrier.

Instead of using her many claws, chainsaws, or plasma guns, Swip elected to produce a baseball bat the size of a house and smack Spike with it. He fell back - but managed to keep hold on the shields, dragging Swip with him.

“...You realize this isn’t doing anything, right?” Swip asked.

Spike jumped into the air. “ENIGMA PILEDRIVER!”

“This is not a piledri-” Spike’s feet came in contact with the top part of the shield and forced Swip into the ground, snapping off the majority of her extra spidery limbs.

“Aww, I just glued those on this morning…” Suzie lamented.

Swip pushed her engines to lift herself off the ground, dragging the dragon into the sky with her. “You’re a few orders of magnitude lighter than a creature of your size should be. Keeps you from destroying your bones just by standing, but it also means you can’t keep me down.” She used her more traditional plasma weapons to drive Spike into the ground.

“Heh. Like a spike.” Scootaloo said. Apple Bloom slapped her.

“I’m not done!” Spike shouted, rising to his full height - and in the process knocking a building onto the lot that was once Bon Bon’s house. “I am a dragon! The pinnacle of nature’s creations! I will not be brought low by technology! DRAGON CLAW!”

“A dragon claw is not going t-” Spike’s claws clawed at the shield and broke through it as if it were made of styrofoam. “...I’m not saying nani.”

“You just did!” Suzie called.

“I know. You would not believe the flak Squiddy is giving me for that right now.”

“Hey! Eyes on me!” Spike shouted.

“I don’t have eyes. Take a good long look, see anything?”

“...FLAME OF INTERIOR WRATH!”

“And you just keep getting dumber and dumber.” The flames cascaded across Swip’s surface and tore several metal panels off her sides. “Not in strategy, names. Just names. Your names suck.”

“I’d like to see you do better…”

“Activating Neutralization Protocol Eighty-four.” A bolt of electricity shot out of Swip’s roof, hitting Spike in the face. The electrical signals made his tail twitch wildly, destroying more and more buildings in the process.

“...You know, I hope you all have insurance,” Suzie commented.

“I think everyone in Ponyville does,” Cheerilee said. “...Except Lyra and Bon Bon.”

Swip fired several weapons at Spike. “You know, normally these things are strong enough to threaten entire planets. Could lay waste to the countryside.”

“ANCIENT DRAGON TECHNIQUE: HICHALASKI!”

Swip took the hit, wobbling. “For future reference, I’m supposed to be able to wipe this town off the face of the map. ...It’d take some doing b-”

“ANCIENT DRAGONESE SECRET TECHNIQUE!”

“Would you just STOP already? I’m trying to think here!” She flipped her back to him and unleashed a torrent of rocket fuel in his face.

This proved to be a mistake since he grabbed onto her tail-like section.

“...Whoops.”

Spike twisted Swip over his head and smashed her into the ground, creating a small crater. There was an explosion from Swip’s lower decks, engulfing both of them in a shower of great blue and green color. In the end, Swip and Spike laid in the crater, down.

Panting, Spike got up from the smoking crater Swip wrecked in. He was covered in bruises and dirt marks, but he was grinning toothily as he held his fist in the air.

“P-Plus Ultr-”

Suzie teleported behind him and struck him with her sword. Compared to Spike, it was only slightly longer than his thumb.

Yet he slammed into the ground hard enough to send shockwaves that could be felt throughout Ponyville. He shrunk back to normal size, groaning.

The CMC, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and the citizens of Ponyville gasped in shock as Suzie floated above them. Dark clouds gathered and blocked out the sun, leaving her crimson eyes to glow in the dark as she sensually ran her fingers across her blade.

“Oh, what a glorious day this is. To see civilizations bow before me… to see cities crumble into dust… to watch the despair on so-called heroes’ faces… none of it can compare to the rush I get when I finally meet a world that warrants my blade. To you, Equestria…”

“I give you my sincere thanks. And the promise of a swift end.”