Weakness... is what I showed to Celestia. I couldn't cope up with my mistakes in front of her. I let her see the running teenager again, instead of the die-hard man, who I had lost somehow. It was all because Markhar... if he wouldn't show up, then the grown-up me would be still on Earth, receiving only victory and respect.

But the teenager in Equestria... he was showing weakness and cowardly tries to keep his image in check, just so everything around him will be easier. What the fuck was wrong with me? I was so disoriented all of a sudden! But even that, it shouldn't be a problem. Back then, I was going forward, no matter what my situation was. It didn't matter how blind I was - metaphorically, of course - I just did what I had to and did it from instinct.

But I should probably stop elaborating this topic. I still couldn't figure out what was the reason behind my undecided intentions... in other words, I didn't know what would be good or bad...

Wait, now that I mention... is that possible that I chose the middle way in that situation, but due to Celestia, I wanted the right way? Let's see... showed enough of myself and didn't ruin anything between us... damn, I chose the balance without realizing what I was doing! And now that I think about it... yes! I finally got it!

Ahem, sorry. So, after falling asleep, I finally managed to get in contact with the Dream World. Apparently, while that two were experimenting, Dhuradhan prevented every influence to get into the Dream World and only let a single influence out, to make the process easier... let me skip the uneventful part and jump right into the pit...

''Dhanthas!''

''I- hahhaha I'm sorreh!'' His hysterical state didn't weaken, even though I was choking him in my upset state. ''I did- hahha- didn't know- ehhehhahaa I can't breath.''

I threw him to the side, down from the living room's couch. He kept on laughing there, coughing at the same time. ''You nearly ruined the evening. I had the whole thing in my control, until you decided to grew out of my fucking shoulder! From my marks!''

He just kept laughing and Dhuradhan stepped in front of me. ''We share the same fault in this one. I found out that we can leave your body and when I started experimenting, he volunteered.''

I groaned, not liking this feature of my selves. ''Ugh... is there a way I can prevent him from escaping again?''

''Yes, there is.'' I sighed in relief. My life starts in Equestria and the only thing I needed, is Dhanthas skipping into the town and fucking up my first impression... ''It works in the same way, like you let us take control. Of course, you do not have to fall asleep, but will have to release the energy from inside you. Dhanthas is your Dark self and when you will let him out-''

''I won't.'' I immediately cut in, not even letting him finish. Letting Dhanthas on loose? That would be an equal disaster with Markhar's plan...

''- then he will drag the Dark energy with himself. In my case... I will drag the Light energy.'' He finished, no matter what.

''All of it? What if both of you get out from me and I will be left with nothing?''

''You have your own Dark and Light energy amount. We are just the additional energy for your already immense amount. What do you think, whose energy I use when I help you with healing?'' It couldn't be...

''Yours?''

''Exactly.''

I seriously started to think that I should NEVER leave the Dream World. Every positive things happened in that place, no matter how much it reminded me about my past. New powers, encouragement, new things to learn and nice features for both the house and my selves... I wished I could just stay forever asleep...

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

I kept up the same routine for the following days. Wake up at four or five in the morning, depending on when will the sun rise. Quickly wash myself at the sink and clean my mouth with my fingers, since I had no toothbrush. Do a morning exercise in the garden, because just lying around all day made my muscles weak. Breakfast, then more exercise outside, along with some Tuning. After lunch, resuming the forenoon activity. Taking a shower and finally remembering the lowly placed curtain-rod. Dinner and going outside again, to fully focus on becoming one with the nature.

Of course, the latter one failed many times. But, sometimes, when I just gave up and rested my hand on the tree, I dozed off and imagined seeing the garden again. Those were the only times, when nature didn't kick me out from itself and managed to just move around in the nature.

As expected, when I realized what I was doing, the connection broke...

Every time I dozed off, I wondered about the world, which was waiting for me. What would the house... MY house would look like. Will the neighbours wave at me every morning, after living next to them for a long time? And what Celestia said... will I make any friends?

I always shook my head at that final thought. I couldn't believe I was that bored, that I tried finding answers about a topic, which I wasn't even familiar. Yes, Ben was my best friend... and Emese too... but they soon became my family. A brother and a sister... added next to my mother, father and brother...

I tried not thinking about my family, neither. I was over about my worries and if anything happens to them, my brother, my team, The Light and the rest of those, who will try to put an end to Markhar's plan, will protect them. So I just ignored my world and focused on my future... my life in Equestria...

My explanation to Celestia also helped me. She was okay with me and with my secrets. And we will work our way up to higher levels in trusting in each other. I just had to stay away from trouble and doing everything for myself. In that way, I will be able to regain the lost respect from her, even if she seemed still respectful towards me. Still, I wanted to prove myself to be respectful and that I can handle myself in this world alone... I wasn't the child, which she had seen all those years ago... I may be a teenager, but a grown up man, who went through not just many things, but achieved many things!

Yes, that was a good way to fix my honor. I may lose some of that on the way, when I will slowly show her what I had become and done under these years. My actions may have been wrong in many souls' eyes, but my intentions were right. The taken souls from the living, were now in the right place. In The Light or in Hell...

I also tried to not think about my sudden emotion waves on the first two days. I simply blamed it on the changes... this was Equestria... a place, where I wasn't sure how would they react, if they find out how many souls I've sent to the afterlife...

And just so you know... I've already lost count of how many I've killed...

Speaking of killing... I oh-so wanted to kill my Darker self... Dhanthas...

He also interrupted me every night, while I was trying my hardest to lock out myself from the world... and what he does? Act like an annoying bastard...

Like the previous night! Dhuradhan was still experimenting with him, about how to leave my body. They've surely went through a personality change. They weren't me anymore... they were Dhuradhan and Dhanthas, as in two completely separate being from me. They just lived inside me as Lightness and Darkness...

Back to Dhanthas, the following happened last night:

''Hi sex!'' He popped out from my shoulder again, then with the same momentum, got pulled back. ''Come here often?!'' The same happened, only a little bigger part being visible from him, after that one. ''We should-'' He couldn't finish it, due to the invisible force, which pulled him back. ''-do it like- '' The same happened. ''-they do it in love-'' ''-and discover each other!'' For a long time, he didn't come back and thought that is was the end of the experiment...

But I was wrong...

''I'll suck your d-''

''Shut the fuck up!'' I moved away my shoulder, before he could hit my private area with his head.

''... 'Kay...'' And he started sinking back, slowly. And when only his head was sticking out, he quickly licked his lips and disappeared.

That moment actually made me laugh... while ruining my concentration. For the whole time, I managed to ignored him, but he knew about my weak spot, which was a dick... literally...

But what could I do against their experimenting? It was a REALLY useful feature. When I will start my training, they will join me too, in order to increase their energy capacity. Just imagine it! I alone was highly dangerious... and with that two by my side - literally - , we will be the perfect trio for sure!

I just had to get used to letting the energy out, when one of them wanted to leave my body. After all, they were additional energies for me by themselves and it needed my permission, to let that additional energy out. I was thankful that it worked like that, though... Dhanthas would be running around right now, literally fucking shit up...

Another thing to get used to... always being aware of the escaping energy and I will be able to contain both of them... mostly Dhanthas...

Aside from these things, nothing interesting happened... all the way up to my departure's and full-recovering's day...

''Hmm-hm-hm-hmm hm-hm-hmm-hmmm-hmmm-hmm-hmm-hm-hm-hm hmm-hm-hm-hm-hmmm-hmm-hmm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hmm-hmm-hmmm~''

Redcross... that girl was always so cheerful. Every time I was walking down the corridor and towards the garden, she was somewhere around. Either with her nurse buddies and friends, or discussing something with a doctor. Or when we passed by each other every day and she said hello every time. I always nodded towards her in greetings and after thinking back to the day's happenings, I always realized that I was kinda rude.

But she seemed to not mind my silent communicating and from what I've heard, she was really cheerful. After getting used to walking down the same rout, I've managed to memorize the way to the garden and back to my room. Thanks to that, I had managed to walk normally and without the wall's support. In that way, I was able to focus on the voices around me and her voice was sticking out noticeably. She was laughing, giggling, conversing or like at every morning... humming the same song...

For all these days, I've been listening to her little song and never told her to stop. It was nice, something more interesting than these people's footsteps...

It was the day of my departure... in the morning... and it was my only chance to make up for my grumpy behavior around her. I've used her for information and even if I told her, to not do anything for me, she still did...

And since I was leaving that day... I thought: Why not?

''Hm-hmm hm-hm-hmm hm-hm-hmm-hmm-hmmm-hm-hm-hm-hmm-hmmm hmh hmmm hmm-hm-hm-hm~'' I hummed the next part of her song and she stopped. I was sure that I screwed up the song and not just because of my deep and booming voice from the back of my throat...

Surprisingly, she continued humming the third part and after that, I restarted the melody. After the song ended, we both remained silent for a while. I couldn't guess about her face at that moment, nor her reaction. She remained silent and didn't move, at least I heard none of that...

''How do you know this symphony? The Royal Canterlot Symphonic Orchestra plays this in the ball room, on the other side of the castle.'' I take it her mouth was agape at first and was forced to wipe down the drool from the corner of her mouth. How do I know? The sound of that is the same, when I lick the blood down from my mouth...

''Every morning, you hum this song and I must say... it is really catchy...'' It was now or never. ''I would like to apologize for my passive behavior, Recross. I cannot help, but be careful of what I say and to whom. So do not worry, your help has been appreciated the whole time I've been here.''

''Oh, I wasn't-''

''Do not lie to me. Deep down, under the shell, which you had built from focusing on your duty... you felt offended by my dismissive replies and reactions. Forget your work for a moment and tell me if you didn't feel bad in the slightest.'' I cut her in quickly, not letting her to start rambling about.

''I... '' Now I got her thinking and ironically, what I told her, was something that I should do too, one day...

''I think you're right...''

''Due to your job, you swallowed down your indignation. But what if I tell you, to forget about your job and title. What would you say to me? Come on, I won't get mad and I allow you to voice out whatever opinion you have about me.'' I was leaving that day, so after my departure, it wouldn't matter what she had said. And from this, I could cheer her up a bit and make her feel much better.

After all, being a nurse must be a hard job. I may be able to bath in blood, but looking after the sick and the patients, who are in horrendous states... Hell no!

''I would ask: What is bothering you?''

I stayed silent for a second and after nodding slowly, I spoke up again. ''You... ask a complete stranger... what is bothering him. And that stranger nearly kicked you in the middle of an operation. Yet you approach that someone friendly?''

''Yes.'' Was her simple reply.

I just couldn't imagine such a soul to exist. We were so different from each other... while she believed in forgiveness, I sticked to vengeance...

I feared that I may have to elaborate on this subject, so I just nodded at her and decided to not change her in any possible way. ''Keep looking at the things like that and remain who you are... 'Crossy' '' And with that, I left her there, going outside to the garden...

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Birds singing, leaves dancing and a man's panting. That is all it could be heard in the garden. One would say strange, I say understandable.

I was getting close to finishing the amount of push ups, which I did over one run. To be precise, my objective was doing 150 push ups in one go... the advantage of being a powerful being, eh? Further more, I was doing sit ups and shadow boxing... which was more like shadow fighting, because I was really getting into it.

Combos, careful flips in the air, grappler moves, dodges and blocks. I did everything, which I do in a real fight... except the shooting, slicing, stabbing and magic part...

How did I know that no one was around me? Well, I only managed to do this on the day of my departure, when I just wanted to shadow box one quickly. And well... it felt natural, that I wanted to know if I will hit anyone. And what do I know, the nature allowed me to use this feature of its! I just walked up to the tree, made the connection, nodded to myself and started shadow boxing... I mean fighting...

Only in the middle of a flip, was when I realized what I had done... thankfully, I managed to land on my feet...

So, it was an improvement. I just had to get used to doing things without thinking... not everything, but things like casting a spell, using energy, fighting... many things, actually...

I pondered over the thought of trying making contact again, but decided against it. Right there, I realized that if I force it, then nature will never get used to me. So, in that case, I promised myself that I will only make contact with nature, when I have to. No more Power Tuning!

''... Adam?''

I immediately stopped moving. Fuck, she was really close to this final punch in the air. How long has she been there, watching me from that close? ''Good morning, Celestia!'' I moved back to a standing position, regaining my breathing.

''What were you doing?'' She asked, sounding confused.

She didn't know? She had guards, doing the same thing and she didn't know what was shadow boxing? Well... different kind of training, I guess? She was great with magic, so maybe physical training was something she had no knowledge about? Might be... ''Training... I need to stay in shape.'' I was still panting and felt the sweats rolling down my exposed body. I wished I could see her face, because... you know, she was a Princess and I was an 'Outsider' , in front of her, half naked and in a way, visibly armed. Where the Hell were her guards?

''The day of my departure... and my recovery... FULL recovery.'' I stated, breaking the silence, which was WAY more awkward, than the one we had a few nights before...

''Indeed and I've come to see if you are ready to go.'' Wow, that was quick! I didn't even have to prepare! I still had a few things to ask, though...

''Where are my clothes? And gear?''

''I was just about to get to that.'' Her voice was slightly changed in that reply. I take it she didn't like the weapons I had. ''Promise me that you will not use your... tools, nor your abilities against any of the loyal subjects. Believe me, Equestria is peaceful and the citizens mean no harm to you. They may look at you strangely, but if you act casually, then they will get used to your presence pretty soon.'' It wasn't how these things worked, but I didn't want to interrupt her. But after what I've experienced, she might told me the truth about her people. Like Redcross... she was really forgiving... maybe most of the inhabitants way of thinking was around positive way of thinking? Or they were just naive... either way, this world looked peaceful for now...

''So please, Adam... do not use your weapons. Do not think about using them and this goes to your powers.''

''Understood, Celestia. I shall do my best to keep a low profile and only use the things in my possession, when I have to...'' After all, I did promise her to do what she says and protect her or her 'loyal subjects'. Maybe it will be a peaceful life, after all? According to the recent events, it seemed like my following days, weeks, months or even years, will be without any threat... I was still leaning towards the careful approach...

''Trust me, you won't have to. Here you are...''

And she threw the clothes into my face... Celestia dumped my clothes onto my head. The Princess was having fun... and so was I. I let a small grin to adore my face, when I heard her giggling. The tension in the air disappeared and was replaced with a happy-ending. Oh Celestia, I wished I could stay a little longer with her. But of course, it would have meant that I will have to start talking about my past... again, my situation was bad as always...

I put on my clothes and I momentarily felt in the same way, when I first found myself in the Dream World. My clothes were clean, cuts stitched and their flexibility returned into them. My holsters and belt weren't loose anymore and firmly remained on me. It was really good to finally be able to wear my clothes, especially these ones. I tied out the band from around my eyes and I was about to hand it back to Celestia.

''Keep it, you'll need that. I placed a letter into one of your inner pockets, along with a note of instructions and enough bits for a start. Follow the instructions and after you finished them all, you're free to go wherever you want. Just don't get into trouble, please...'' Wow, she really prepared for my departure. I was actually glad for what she has been doing for me, because quite frankly... I knew nothing about this world.

''Are you ready?''

''My weapons, Celestia...'' I shook my head in amusement, snorting quietly. She had been talking rather quickly for an obvious reason... my weapons... she still disliked them.

I just heard the sound of a small chest, dropping onto the ground. Crouching down, I opened it and reached in, pulling out my sound suppressed pistol, throwing knives, daggers and one grenade. Damnit, I had lost more than the half of my equipment!

Placing each weapon into their respective holsters, I stood up and declared. ''Now I'm ready.''

''I apologize, but my time is short. I am in a hurry, you know and because of that, we need our goodbyes to be cut short.'' I expected her to lead me somewhere quickly, to some sort of carriage, but I thought wrong... again. ''Hold still for a moment.'' I did as she asked and I felt something pointy ended object, touching my forehead. What the Hell, she had a magic wand or something alike? ''Stay safe, Adam. Do not be afraid to ask around for direction and remember to read the note. I'm looking forward for your tales about the past...'' She sounded really close to my face... I didn't know what was that thing in her hands, but if she needed to be that close to me, then it must have been small or heavy... or I don't know anymore, it didn't matter.

Wait, was she sending me away with that sharp thing?! But I wanted to see her at least once! No way, I was waiting for that day to come and finally see her face, getting back all of my memories about her look! For years now, I've been grateful for someone, who I can't even remember correctly and now I have to leave? Who knows how long will it take me to see her?!

''I'll see you hopefully soon, Adam. Goodbye for now!'' According to her 'hopefully soon'... does that mean it depended on where I go first? Well, only one way to find out... do the things on the note and when I feel fit, I'll visit her somehow...

Damnit, I was too late for everything! I couldn't ask her anymore for anything! I couldn't do the things I had wanted, mostly seeing her. Also, I was about to ask her to tell the doctor a thank you in my name, but I felt her magic working, slowly wiping me out existence and sending me away.

Well... only one thing to say now...

''Farewell... Celestia...''

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The nurse's song, which she hummed: