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Bedbound (And Beyond)

by Cackling Moron

Chapter 29: Everlasting freedom

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Time passed. Again.

My good mood persisted, lasting until the end of the party and beyond, despite the odds. Celestia did not appear again and sent no word but - hey! - she’s a busy lady, and I’m just a guy. I was sure she’d get back to me, should she so desire. And until then I had other things to do! My life did not orbit around her!

I was just fond of her. That was different.

But I had plenty on my plate to keep me distracted! On top of Twilight teaching me to read.

I did my level best to find things to do, you see? Loafing around was good and all, but if it’s all you do it starts to lose its lustre. Doing nothing is only truly worthwhile if it’s a precious commodity, if it’s something you have to look forward to. This I have learnt.

That, and I was getting tired of being a sponge.

And since I was filled with this tremendous, manic energy I felt it would be a good idea to make the most of it. Until it ran out. Which I had a horrible feeling it would, but was doing a fair job of convincing myself it wouldn’t. I was invincible!

Not the steadiest on my feet, but invincible!

Going with who I was familiar with seemed the best course of action, and who I was familiar with was Twilight’s friends. Twilight’s friends who all - coincidentally! - had their own little individual businesses and diverse interests! It was perfect. I just sidled up to them when the opportunity arose and offered them help - when they least expected it!

This was a surprise to them, each and every time. What must they think of me?

Rarity was first. I’d seen the look on her face when I’d returned to the party damp! I wanted to assure her I appreciated her good works and that I would repay her in a way her boundless generosity would not be able to argue with: assistance!

Of course I was rubbish and of very little use, but she didn’t seem to mind. Mostly she just seemed to enjoy having someone to talk at while she did all the work, and whatever was good for her. I could be a good listener! I didn’t understand half of what she was telling me or know any of the people (ponies, I suppose) she was talking about, but who cared? She just sounded so invested in it all! Delightful!

I did manage to worm my way in though, ask how I might be helpful, what she might impart onto me to make me useful, what skills she could teach me! I certainly wasn’t going to start churning out Looks or whatever it was he did for a living, but I could do a part of it, I was sure. She seemed to agree.

I was so-so and sewing. Part of this was on account of it being early days - I’d just picked up a needle - but part of this was also the, you know, tremor. Given how variable it could be this made my output unpredictable. I wasn’t going to be matching Rarity on fine-stitching anytime soon but that wasn’t the point, the point was that I could do it. Which was pretty great!

Rarity kept me well away from the products she was planning to sell. Understandable. When I wasn’t listening to her, making tea for us or sometimes even fetching things a little out of her reach I just practised sewing away on scrap cloth. Oddly meditative, I found, and thoroughly engrossing.

Learning, motherfucker!

And that was just the start!

Pinkie had put together that party so it only seemed right to throw my assistance and gratitude at her next. I got to be a baker! That was actually alright. I can beat eggs with the best of them! And I did a lot of it.

The Cakes - who I learnt Pinkie rented from and worked for, or something - were nice though a little perplexed by me just showing up. Perfectly happy to have me pitching in, which I liked. They even got me a stool when my leg started acting up! It was a tiny stool, but it worked.

For her part, Pinkie was just ecstatic to have me around. This was adorable. Though prising her off of me got a little tiring after a while, despite my repeated insistences that we were both there to work. Her boundless energy astounded me.

How anyone can hop so much is beyond me.

Next! Rack ‘em up! John can bake now! If someone put a gun to his head. But it’s early days!

Helping out with Fluttershy was tranquil. She seemed surprised to see me, as though I might have forgotten her somehow, but no such luck I was afraid. Animals are cute and I wanted in - whatever she needed!

Mixing feed, mostly. And conflict mediation? I tended to just watch her doing that part. It was remarkably! There was kind of strange, unyielding determination lurking beneath the, well, shyness. You could tell it was there. Amazing stuff!

Not a lot of small-talk, though. After Pinkie the comparative silence was refreshing.

At one point I basically just stood there while birds landed on me. Unusual, as I thought big, gangly, unnerving looking things were meant to scare birds, but what did I know? Fluttershy seemed to think it was pretty funny and hell, so did I.

This wasn’t all happening over one jam-packed day, obviously. Rather, sporadically, here and there, over a week or two. Or more? I did lose track despite my best efforts, but I was just having such a swell time. I dipped in with them here and there as my mood and their schedules allowed.

Sometimes they did all disappear, like they’d all done that one time, though I still had no clear idea why. I’m sure they’d tell me if it was important.

I’ll admit to a little curiosity given how exhausted Twilight almost always was afterwards, but I didn’t wish to pry. Why spoil a fine thing? This life of riley!

As much as farmwork can be seen as a life of riley. Applejack seemed a little reluctant about letting me volunteer - having watched me limp my way up to her dinky little farmhouse - but I was adamant about doing something to show I wasn’t deadweight from another world.

I was hardly a workhorse - hah! - but I was at least handy - double hah! - and turned out to be a dab hand - ah, no more of that - at fixing things. Fiddly things specifically. I had no idea what ponies did the rest of the time but I was more than happy to pitch in and handle the delicate stuff, especially if I could sit down while I was doing it.

You guys go off and kick trees or whatever it is you do! I’ll stay here and sharpen things and tighten things and glue things! And whatever else they felt the need to shove my way. I even sewed a couple sacks! See how it all links up? Using those skills!

And I did pretty good! And they gave me pie!

They also offered cider, but it was not what I hoped it would be. Still, thirst-quenching.

In fact, the only one of Twilight’s friends I could even try to help was Rainbow. And that was because she could fly. I could not fly, and since being able to - on top of being able to shape clouds and control the fucking weather, apparently, because that was apparently a thing now - was kind of a prerequisite I was kind of locked out.

In the end I was able to make myself useful to her by just sitting and watching her do shit in the sky, which was pretty nice. She’d do some loops or weird twists or wingtip-turns or whatever and I’d applauded and she’d land and then while she was getting her breath back we’d just shoot the shit.

Rainbow was deeply disturbed to learn the weather back home just did its own thing. She seemed to think me coming here was a turn of luck, though she was also quick to apologise after saying so. I assured her it was fine.

But of course, the main and most consistent thing was learning to read. Fiddling about with stitches or measuring out seeds or wrangling a whisk was one thing, learning involved a little too much of the head to come easily to me. Guess I was pretty dense! But I persisted, and Twilight was patient, bless her.

The books she started me out on had pictures. I could have felt bad about this, but I chose not to. I chose to embrace it! Hell yeah I was being taught to read with kid’s book - why wouldn’t I be? Kids got to learn to read, too! And the pictures were pretty good!

Plainly, this sort of thing just wasn’t my strong suit. But I was getting there. Tortuously slowly, but I was getting there. Progress - no matter how minute or painful - was worthy. Better to be moving forward than standing still and all that, and I did have a John Doe to try and construct, and him being able to read was kind of important.

But I did have limits.

“I think my eyes are trying to escape,” I said of an evening, blinking. I had been staring at the same page for a while now, but I’d only just realised this. Leaning back I rubbed my eyes and stretched, hearing Twilight come trotting over.

“Maybe you should have a break,” she said.

I yawned and waved a hand.

“Haven’t been at it that long,” I said.

“It’s been a few hours, at least.”

I paused midway through my eye-rubbing.

“Really?”

“Last I checked.”

Wow, time flies. I sighed and leaned back. The chair complained. Deal with it, chair.

“You’d think I’d have this down, given that. I think this is something about spaghetti? Definitely something about food and eating good. That I can at least be pretty confident about.”

It was, after all, a children’s book. Did make me want spaghetti though.

I felt a hoof on my leg and found Twilight giving me the most reassuring of smiles. Kind of made me feel a little fuzzy, I must admit.

“You’re doing really well, John, I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.”

I gave her a ruffle and a scratch behind the ears. My earlier reluctance about those - with Twilight, specifically - had vanished completely at this point. It was just a friendly little thing, after all, and seemed pretty normal for ponies. Touchy-feely, as I’ve always thought. That, and they always plainly went down a treat.

Weird, to scratch a friend behind the ears? With a human? Sure. A pony? Apparently not. Horses for courses, eh?

Hah! That joke’ll never get old.

“You’re far too kind to me, you know that, Twilight?”

With much reluctance she stopped being putty in my hand from all the scratching and reached up to take hold of my wrist. How hooves managed to hold anything was a mystery that continued to elude me and which I didn’t want to look too much into.

Certainly, being held by hooves felt super-weird. I did my best not to think about it.

“No, I’m not. You’ve done very well, given everything that happened to you. And it’s not just me saying that, either. All the girls think so, especially with you helping them out. They all really like having you around.”

This seemed like a gross exaggeration to me, but I let her have it. Just to be kind. Twilight liked this sort of thing, and she had a way of saying that almost made me believe her!

“But on top of all of that you’re learning a completely alien language from children’s books. That can’t be easy.”

Such abiding faith in me. Brought a tear to the eye!

“Hey, hey, come here a minute,” I said. She did so and got properly within arms reach, which was when I struck, lunging and hugging her. She squeaked, though not quite way Pinkie did. Still gratifying, though.

“J-John!”

“Ah come on, come here you,” I said, righting her and settling her onto my lap where she looked grumpy but made no moves to escape.

I wouldn’t manhandle just anyone! Wouldn’t do this with Rarity or Fluttershy or Rainbow or any stranger. They’d probably take my head off! Especially Rainbow. But Twilight was my buddy, and she lounged around me and on me without provocation every other evening or so, so what of it? We’re friends and ponies are - as I never tire of reminding myself - touchy-feely.

Would probably do it to Celestia, if I could. She being such a fine friend, too. But she’s, ah, a little bigger. So it probably wouldn’t work.

Best not to worry about it.

“You should at least warn me before you pick me up,” Twilight grumbled, relaxing just a little.

“Then you wouldn’t squeak and it wouldn’t be anywhere near as much fun,” I said, giving her a poke on the nose and making her sneeze.

Oh! She was cute! Oh they were all cute, all in their own ways. It was insidious! It had wormed its way into me. Where before I’d found all of these walking, talking, thinking non-humans a little unsettling, now it was fine. More than fine! They were just so fucking cute!

Definitely a bit of an about-face, but that was a good thing. Given that it seemed pretty likely I’d be spending some considerable time here - read: forever - not seeing the locals as uncanny and disturbing had to be a plus. That they were actually adorable could only be a double-plus!

Twilight especially though. My teaching-buddy. I had a bit of a soft spot for her, I thought. Not quite the same exceedingly confusing one I might have possibly could have sort of had for Celestia, but a definite soft spot. Maybe I just had a weakness for princesses, hah!

Well, except Luna. She kind of scared me a little. So maybe not a thing for princesses, then.

I gave Twilight a proper cuddle, then, and after she gave another squeak she cuddled back, giggling a little.

“What was that for?” She asked once it had broken and I’d sat back.

“Ah, just, you know. You. This hasn’t been easy, this learning lark - to my chagrin - but it has been fun, after a fashion. Mostly because it’s us hanging out and all, but also because it’s a voyage of discovery. You’re a damn fine teacher, Twilight, and you put up with me. And you put me up, heh. Thanks a heap.”

It meant a lot, in ways I couldn’t quite articulate or even really understand. I’m hardly a man in touch with, well, anything. Feelings just sort of gather in me like water in the bottom of a boat. What do they mean? Who knows! Sometimes things are good, sometimes they’re bad, and right now they felt pretty damn good to me, and I was sure I could lay the blame for that at Twilight’s feet.

Hooves, rather. Ugh, I’ll never get used to that.

“It’s no problem,” she said, blushing up a storm.

“I knew you’d say that. No matter of me saying it is will change your mind either, I bet. But there it is. That’s how I see it. You guys all helped me out a whole lot - from Celestia on downwards - but you’ve had me hanging around the most, now. So thank you.”

I wasn’t sure where I was going with this. My eyes were fuzzy from staring at pages and my head was fluffy from trying to remember which squiggle meant what and my guts were all twisty from just how fucking adorable Twilight looked plopped in my lap all pink in the face. Clearly I wasn’t thinking, uh, clearly.

And mention of Celestia and soft spots did rather bring back the whole thing at the party. Recently what had happened had barely crossed my mind, and neither had she, me being content to let her do whatever it was she needed to do as a fancy-pants magical princess with a place to run. Now that she;d bubbled up though there wasn’t any forcing her back down again, as it were.

I licked my lips.

“Uh, Twilight, can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything,” she said, smiling, head cocked and ears flicking. That was distracting, but I did my best to focus, giving her hair a little ruffle. Very hard to keep from doing that. I’d stop trying to fight it at this point, at least with Twilight.

And Pinkie...

“Heh, I know. But, uh, well, this is kind of a doozy.”

That made her look a little less sure that I could ask her anything, but it was too late for her now.

“I’m still a weirdo foreigner here I know and I’m still picking up how you guys do things so I’m a bit worried about missteps here and there, you know?” I asked, trying and failing to keep up good eye contact.

“Yeah…?”

Her blush was gone now, and she had the look of someone who’d inadvertently got into something they rather hadn’t. But, as I said, too late now. For both of us.

“So, uh, ahem, well, Twilight what - what is - how do - how do you guys - iskissingabigdeal?”

Twilight blinked at me.

“...what?”

Good job, John. Nailed it.

“Just - and this is purely hypothetical, mind - is kissing a big deal? Like, with friends, say? You guys are all a lot, uh, easier with physical contact than I was used to but I just, uh, that kind of seemed a step above for me. Hypothetically!”

Twilight was now not wholly comfortable with being in my lap while this was being discussed, and I was regretting bringing it up entirely. Best to just power through.

“For the sake of example - again, all hypothetical, just curious, I’m an interloper - if two friends were, say, just hanging out together in private and talking and one started leaning in and the other didn’t lean back and the first friend went in for a peck on the cheek and missed and the two of them just ended up kissing what - ah - what would that mean? If anything? Hypothetically?”

I hoped for rather better results from Twilight than I’d got from Lyra. Lyra who I had seen around town once or twice since then and who had waved politely enough before going back to chatting to whoever it was she hung around with all the time.

This time, I felt I’d woven a sufficiently impenetrable web of lies to hide what I was truly asking. Though that may well have been wishful thinking on my part.

In fact, it definitely was.

Twilight’s ears had slumped along with her shoulders and she wasn’t looking me in the face anymore.

“Why are you asking me?”

“Well, because you know these things. And it’s just out of curiosity. I’m not planning on testing it out either way. You’re in no danger of me kissing you, I assure you Twilight,” I said, hoping to perhaps inject a little levity into the situation. Instead she flinched. Whoops.

“I know you kissed her,” she mumbled, somehow managing to sag even more.

“...what?” I asked. My turn to ask that.

She sniffled and sat up straighter, looking at me. Her eyes seemed a bit on the damp and glistening side, to me.

“At the party. After I left I came back and I saw you kissing her. It’s okay. Why would you ask me about it, though?”

What?

“What? No no no, hold up. She kissed me first up, alright? We’re just talking and then she got in real close and then she kissed me! Well, she was aiming for my cheek though, that’s the thing. That’s what confused me. Peck on the cheek is friendly, right? Because we’re friends, me and her.”

Well, I hoped we still were.

Twilight didn’t look like she believed me.

“Really?”

“Yes! Why on earth would she and me be kissing? We’re friends! And she’s a princess! She moves the sun and I’m just some guy. No no, no kissing. She was just giving me a friendly peck and she missed. And then she, uh, kind of freaked out and vanished into literal thin air. But that’s beside the point. I’m just asking that, if she hadn’t missed, would that have been a perfectly normal thing for her to have done?”

Twilight gave me a very long, very level look.

“No,” she said, eventually.

“No? Not normal?” I asked. She shook her head.

Well shit, that’s no good. That just raised more questions!

Although at least Twilight’s reaction made sense. Pretty obvious, really. What with Celestia and Twilight being so close of course Twilight seeing something like that would be awkward.

Now that I thought about it, there had been something a little bit off about her since that party! Like, her moping at the side. And even after that! Just little things! Smile strained sometimes, but never for long. Mention of Celestia sending a flicker across her face.

I’d thought I’d just been imagining things. Apparently not. She thought I’d been snogging Celestia! Her vaunted and highly-regarded teacher! Of my own volition! That I’d instigated it!

Oh dear, this isn’t good at all. Glad I sorted that out with her, though. Glad I’d set that record straight at least.

“Well that’s just confusing. I guess I’ll have to have a word with her next time I see her, eh? And if not a normal, friendly thing to be doing I suppose we should probably try and keep it on the down low. Right?” I asked, managing a light chuckle.

“Oh, no, most of town already knows,” Twilight said.

I was going to say something - keep the light pitter-patter of genial conversation going and hopefully smooth out what wrinkles this might have caused between me and Twilight - when her words properly sunk into my brain. My brain was a little slow these days. And these words carried some weight.

Hold up. Back up. Wait.

Most of town already knows?

“Whaaaat do you mean most of town knows already?” I asked.

This was the bit where Twilight smiled and told me she was joking. I was sure of it. It had to be one of those moments. She’d got me good, I’d have to give her that! Once she told me she was joking. Which she was obviously just about to do. Very next words out of her mouth. I was sure of it.

“Well, you told Lyra, and she told Bon-Bon, and-”

Damnit Lyra! You betrayed me!

Oh who am I kidding this was my fault. You let it slip that the princess had smooched you, some bizzare alien, it was bound to get away from you. Even if it was a joke it’d get passed on! You idiot! You fucking idiot! Why didn’t you think that through?!

“Shit. Shit shit. Uh, that’s not good, is it?” I asked, a rising note of panic just sneaking in on the tail end.

“I don’t know?” Twilight offered.

There was a cold spot right in the pit of my gut and it was growing. Whatever good mood had sustained me for the last week or two had disappeared entirely. Nothing like getting caught out - by your own fuckup, no less - to pull the rug out from under you.

“Shit.”

Oh I’d fucked up.

Author's Notes:

One minute you're up the next you're right back down again.

Next Chapter: Rise above Estimated time remaining: 35 Minutes
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