Author's Notes:

Hmm.

Ponyville was pretty nice.

The ride into it had been nice, too. A very scenic journey. Lots of mountains and forests and rolling green hills and the like. Without a book to read having a view to stare at went a long way to making the time pass.

Twilight also talked to me, which was also quite nice. She was a very chirpy little purple horse, packed to the brim with questions about what the landscape and geography was like where I was from and which I did my best to answer until the effort of dredging up details gave me too much of a headache.

“Are you okay?” She asked as I clutched at my skull.

“Yeah just sudden fierce stabbing pain, ouch, give me a minute,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut.

“Oh yeah, sorry, Celestia’s notes did mention that...sorry…” she said. I cracked an eye open at her.

“Celestia made notes on me?” I asked. Twilight apologetically waved a hoof, as though this wasn’t even that big of a deal.

“Not extensively, but enough to bring anyone up to speed who might need to be,” she said.

Where did she find the time! And where did Twilight find the time to read them?

“Comprehensive stuff?” I asked as I rubbed my temples, wondering whether I could find any more of that stuff the doctor had given me for the pain that one time. One time! So neglected, hah.

Twilight nodded at my question.

“Surprisingly so! She must have had you under close observation,” she said.

I honestly couldn’t say anything to something so innocently euphemistic so I just nodded myself and kept quiet, hoping my head would feel better by the time we arrived. Luckily for me it did. Mostly.

But yeah, Ponyville struck me from the outset as a rather pleasant place.

Although really, I had no frame of reference. I hadn’t properly seen - urgh - Canterlot and my memories of home were sketchy at best. But still. Nice place. Rustic. Market stalls. Thatched roofs.

Of course everything also appeared to have been built to the scale of the inhabitants. I had a feeling I had a lot of ducking through doors to look forward to. Worse things had happened.

Twilight apparently lived in a castle. She pointed it out to me when we arrived. It did not really look like a castle. It looked, well, it looked a bit of a mess. A crystal tree thing mess. But a pleasant enough mess. She was practically skipping with glee as she led me from the station and I followed, lugging Luna’s fucking book and clutching Celestia’s more portable one to my side.

On the way there I got stared at some more. I’d considered myself the sort of man who didn’t care about that, who could brush off such attention. What do I care for the opinions of the masses? I am who I am and proud of it! Etcetera etcetera.

No. Turns out being stared at by everyone sucks. It is deeply, deeply unpleasant. That the one’s doing the staring were cute little ponies coming in all manner of fun colours did not improve it at all.

I kept my eyes down, which meant I missed the sights. I imagined that they would still be there whenever the time came for me to see them, but for now I just kind of wanted to ignore being the focus of everyone we passed by.

Celestia had never fucking stared at me like that. And she’d found me!

Should probably not think like that. The whole point of getting sent out there - aside from rest and relaxation, obviously - was to try and meet other people. Ponies. Whatever. So as to not be solely dependant and all that.

Luna had never fucking stared at me. There you go. That wasn’t so hard.

Twilight didn’t stare, now I came to think of it. When she did look though she looked at me with a kind of naked intensity that made the hair stand up on my arms. She didn’t even stare when I walked smack into the back of her, given that she’d stopped suddenly and I hadn’t been paying attention.

“Whoa, sorry about that,” I said, Luna’s book throwing my balance off. Twilight seemed blissfully unconcerned and opened up a vast pair of doors that I had entirely failed to notice. Turns out we’d arrived.

“I think you’re going to be the first pony - uh - first guest I’ll have had in the guest wing!” She said, continuing onwards with me tagging along behind, paying better attention now. Without eyes on me I felt better about actually looking around.

Must have been my imagination but this place sure looked bigger on the inside than I’d have expected from the outside.

“The first? Really?” I asked. She paused briefly and tapped a hoof to her chin.

“I think so? It’s kind of hard to keep track sometimes. So much happens around here!”

“Thought the place looked pretty sleepy, personally. I think Luna described it as ‘moderately peaceful’.”

Come to think of it that’s kind of an odd choice of words, isn’t it?

“It’s a really nice place,” Twilight said somewhat forcefully. “Probably a bit different to Canterlot though, so that’ll be a change for you.”

I didn’t really have the energy to say that I hadn’t actually seen any of Canterlot, so I just smiled and nodded and let her continue to led me deeper into the bowels of neon crystal hell.

I was shown to a guest room. So I had moved from one room in one palace to another room in another palace. At least I’d made progress in a geographic sense. This room was a lot less easy on the eyes but the bed proved comfortable enough and the view was pleasant.

Twilight said she had to just go and sort something out and would be back, giving me a little time to settle in. This I appreciated. I had a sit down, I walked around in a circle, I used the hilariously-missized facilities - all was well.

During all of this one thing stuck out to me.

I couldn’t really wiggle my toes, I noticed, at least not on my right foot. Left was alright, but right I could barely get a twitch. That was odd. Fingers were all fine though, but fine wasn’t ever anything to be concerned about, and odd often was.

When he’d been putting me through my paces the doctor had never been concerned about digits, always focusing more on my limbs in general and my balance and my stamina and the like. Couldn’t really hold it against him, I suppose. He didn’t even have digits.

“I’m sure it’ll work itself out,” I said, shrugging and shuffling over to where I’d set down the two books, one atop the other. Celestia’s book was the one on top, obviously, and was the one I idly picked up first. To pick up Luna’s I’d probably need to stretch first.

Sadly, Celestia’s book was just as useless to me as it had been on the train and I wasn’t sure why I’d expected it to change.

Briefly I remembered those various anecdotes of people who inexplicably lose the ability to read but that didn’t seem to be the problem here. My brain wasn’t failing to interpret something it should have known, I was just looking at a language I didn’t know how to read.

Which didn’t improve my situation, really. I could speak, it seemed, but not read. Great. Fantastic.

But still. The air was clear and the sun was warm and I was alive so, you know, could have been worse. Should probably count my blessings. Could have woken up in a place where I didn’t even speak the language. Should cling onto every available unlikely benefit that came my way.

On a whim, I brought Celestia’s book up to my face and gave it a covert sniff.

I kind of hoped it’d smell of her even a little, but it didn’t. It just smelt of old book. Not a bad smell, but not what I’d been after.

There were other options though.

Looking around even though I knew for a fact I was alone in the room I lifted up the tablecloth I’d been wearing and smelt that. This did work and this did smell of Celestia. Quite a lot, in fact. I felt better.

I wanted a hug. I wanted a hug from someone very specific. Specifically, the only person I could remember having ever hugged me. Celestia. I wanted her. And if she was hugging me then I would be safe and I would be warm and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything at right that moment because I would be being hugged by Celestia.

This was kind of the problem. In fact it was completely the problem, the whole reason I’d been sent here, remember? We’ve been over this.

Then I had a moment of clarity: what was I doing, exactly? What the fuck was I doing?

Sniffing a tablecloth because it vaguely smelt of a magical horse that I missed, even though I had last seen the magical horse in question a handful of hours ago, if that. Also, she was a horse. And I missed her.

What the fuck was I doing? What was I doing here? Not here in Ponyville - fucking Ponyville? - but here at all? This horse-infested world? How had I got here? Where even was it? Had I gone through space? Time? Dimensions? Why had I got here? Why me? Why fucking horses? What was I supposed to do? What was this for?

Why the fuck was I still wearing a fucking tablecloth?

“Fuck!” I snarled to myself, ripping the thing off my head in a moment of blind, bewildered fury and throwing it across the room. Immediately I regretted this, partly for my petty little outburst of nothing much at all, partly because I kind of wanted to keep smelling it. I’m not a strong man.

“Just keep it cool, not going to solve anything swearing in empty rooms,” I said, limping my way over to pick the tablecloth up again.

I was about midway over when the door to the room opened and Twilight came in, talking as she did so.

“You’re really going to like it here, I think! We’ll have to introduce you around, of course. Everyone’s very friendly! Pinkie’ll probably-”

The shock of her suddenly showing up took me off guard and this manifested quite noticeably in my leg giving out. Again. I fell over. Again.

“Need a leg brace or something at this rate…or a fuckin’ walkin’ stick...” I said, then realised that I was stark naked having thrown the tablecloth away and that Twilight was in the room. In a panic I lunged, grabbed the tablecloth and draped it over those parts of myself that needed modesty most.

Twilight’s wide-eyed expression did not improve my mood.

“Uh, guess I should knock next time, huh?” She said, blushing up a storm and keeping her eyes down. Bit late, Twilight!

“Depends on how you want to live your life, Twilight,” I said from the floor, adopting the most casual pose I could manage.

Then I saw that Twilight was not, in fact, alone and was accompanied by a small, fairly rotund lizard-person-thing. The lizard-person-thing looked alarmed. Given what I’d just done - and, you know, the nudity thing - this wasn’t that much of a surprise.

“How’s it going?” I asked the lizard-person-thing, who responded by hiding a little more behind Twilight than they already had been, at least until she noticed and then herded them back out into the open with one of her wings.

“Spike, don’t be rude, this is who I was telling you about,” she said.

“Hey I’d be horrified too. Hello Spike, I’m some guy,” I said.

“Hello,” Spike said quietly. He was also adorable. Everything around here was adorable. I must have stuck out like a sore thumb.

For a moment or two of silence I continued lying their casually (dare I say seductively?) and they just looked at me utterly at a loss for what they should do next. I blinked first, as it were.

“Would you guys maybe mind just turning around for a second so I can get not-naked?”

“Hmm? Oh, oh! Oh yeah sure, come on Spike,” Twilight said, ushering Spike around and turning to face away.

I struggled to my feet with only minor difficult and then struggled right back into the thing I’d just so petulantly ripped off myself. Still a little red in the face about that. What on earth had come over me? Should really try and keep a lid on that in future. Whatever it was. Just keep a lid on everything to be safe.

“Alright, I’m decent,” I said, once I was decent. Surprisingly enough. They turned back again though cautiously, as though expecting further lewdness. There was none, and they were visibly relieved.

“Sorry again, really should have knocked, I’ll remember next time,” Twilight said. I waved her off.

“Nah it’s fine, I was just having a moment. Don’t worry about it.”

“Still, I should do better to respect your privacy.”

Damn, she was insistent on being the most apologetic. We could really throw down over this.

“Look at what I’m wearing. Privacy stopped being an issue when I arrived. But anyway, thank you,” I said, giving a little bow. This at least seemed to bamboozle her enough to give me the space to have the last word. “You were saying? Something was pink?”

Oh that could be taken the wrong way.

Thankfully, Twilight didn’t, instead she brightened up again.

“Yes! Like I was saying, we should really introduce you around! I think everyone’ll be really excited to meet you. But don’t feel you have to do it right now - it’s getting a little late and it was a long ride here. You can rest or we could have some dinner or I could just show you around the palace. Whatever works for you.”

Lovely girl, Twilight. I felt well looked after.

And this was good, because the thought of going out again right at that moment - when I’d get to enjoy another round of being what the hell is that thing - did not really appeal. Maybe after I’d had a nice sleep then I could just roll on through it. But not right at that moment. I did not feel up to it.

“Could we - could I just stay in for now?” I asked, already feeling a little weedy for having needed to ask, but that was life. Twilight didn’t look at all put out. If anything, she somehow looked even brighter-eyed and bushy-tailed than she had before.

“Sure!” She said. “I can show you around the place or…?”

“The tour sounds good. Assuming I’m going to be here a little bit. Oh, and assuming I’m allowed out of my room?” I asked. Twilight looked mildly appalled.

“What? Of course you’re allowed out!”

Well that was a step up, at least.

“Then lead on, MacDuff,” I said, not really understanding what that was or where it had come from. Twilight seemed about as confused as I was but went along with it and turned to Spike, who was clearly the least comfortable in the situation out of all of us. Again, I could hardly blame him.

“Spike, this shouldn’t take too long, how about you start getting dinner ready?”

“What? Again?” Spike asked, affronted, getting himself a stern glare from Twilight who also glanced back to me, chuckling nervously. Clearly she wanted to appear the unquestioned mistress of her domain. These things happened to the best of us.

“We have a guest, Spike. I’ll make it up to you,” she hissed, nowhere near quiet enough for me not to have heard.

“Well if you say so…” Spike grumbled, stomping off. Or at least as much stomping as teeny-tiny reptile could manage. An adorable level of stomping. Tiny little clawed feet! So cute. Once he was gone Twilight straightened up, beaming at me.

“Off we go!” She said, leading on.

I followed. Such was my lot in life, it seemed.