What happened down in those dungeons changed me in a way I could've never expected. Maybe 'change' isn't the right word for what happened; as much as I tried to deny it back then, it might've been more accurate to say that I had become 'whole'. It was like a part of me had been locked away behind my subconscious mind, and the events that transpired in those dungeons released that lock and merged the conscious and subconscious together.

No, back then it was more like they were haphazardly and clumsily welded together. I began to 'see' things nopony else saw in more ways than one. Over the years, during the course of my stay in Canterlot Castle and my time as Princess Celestia's star pupil, I started to think differently.

For the longest time, I was scared—horrified of what was happening to me, but over time, the curiosity began to outweigh the fear. It was a slippery slope at that point, because whenever I got curious, I would lose focus on everything else. Curiosity went hoof in hoof with interest and intrigue, and eventually, gradually my mindset began to change.

It was a wonder I managed to stay sane for all those years... or that's what I would've thought if I believed for even a moment that I was ever sane to begin with. I wondered how I was able to keep up the appearance of being a normal filly—a normal pony for so long when my mind had become so twisted.

To this day I'm not quite sure, but I do know that it wasn't always easy. I'd almost aroused suspicion and nearly revealed just how crazy I was on more than one occasion, but in the end, I always got lucky somehow. Something would always come to my rescue, whether it was my own wit, some outside element, or the simple ignorance of whoever I'd encountered.

Then one day, something happened.

For the longest time I'd danced with the idea that I might've been insane, but in the past, I always tried to find excuses, tried to justify my thoughts and actions to myself. It wasn't until this incident that I truly believed myself to be a madmare.

If I had to choose, I'd say that there were five... no, six defining moments in my life, and all of them seemed to revolve around my 'sickness' in one way or the other. The exam would've been the first defining moment of my life, as that was what I believe set this whole thing into motion.

My experience in the dungeon was the second, as that was when the thin veil of my innocence had been lifted and tossed aside. That was when I truly began to see who I really was and what the darker recesses of my mind held. Most of my time in the castle after that had been learning to cope while dealing with the trials and tribulations of being Celestia's student. what probably exacerbated matters was the fact that I had to also deal with ponies I didn't like, or even outright hated.

Canterlot was a breeding ground for negative emotion where high society was concerned, and being as close to the Princess as I was made it hard for me to avoid the nobility and their machinations as I would soon learn. My encounter with Blueblood VII that night in the dungeons wouldn't be the last time I'd have to deal with him and his ilk, and the third defining moment in my life had much to do with him, his friends, and what happened with Crimson Storm.

Crimson Storm...

Ultimately I never did find out what that mare was searching for, nor did I ever see her again. After the incident in the dungeons, I told the Princess my side of the story and what Blueblood had revealed to me about Crimson Storm and the Captain. I was shocked to find that Celestia had already known.

The Princess never told me the full details of what happened between her and Crimson Storm after I was teleported back to my room, but she did reveal that Greedy Gut of all ponies, had returned and told her everything he knew about the situation just before she was about to send for the guards to take Crimson away.

It turned out, by pure luck—whether good or bad I couldn't say—the pudgy colt had stumbled upon the truth of what Blueblood's father had been doing to Crimson Storm. He'd kept his discovery a secret for fear of some kind of retaliation or punishment from Blueblood.

Evidently the whole thing sickened him, and he lost a lot of respect for Blueblood VII and his family after that, though he still didn't say or do anything about it until after all was said and done. Unlike Winter Chime, Greedy Gut wanted nothing to do with Blueblood's plan, but he was also painfully aware of just how powerful the House of Blueblood was and wouldn't risk his or his family's ruination at the hooves of Blueblood's father by disobeying the colt.

The Princess of course, told nopony about Greedy Gut's involvement other than me, and I swore I wouldn't tell anypony. It might've been irresponsible of the Princess when she'd agreed not to tell a soul, but as I've said, we were close and up until this moment, years later, I'd kept that promise—or rather, had completely forgotten about it over time.

In any case, I asked Celestia about how she was able to find me, and found out that she'd noticed I was missing shortly after I left the Gala. From there all she had to do was ask the castle staff which direction I'd been headed in and had eventually deduced my location based on a 'hunch'.

As for how Crimson Storm found me, Celestia had no idea and couldn't get the mare to tell her. The only thing she was able to find out was that she was supposed to have been off duty that night and had apparently went out drinking somewhere at some point. She'd used some kind of excuse to return to the castle and after that... I don't know. Nopony knew.

I began to wonder if maybe she'd been following me, but if that was the case, why hadn't she intervened right at the beginning? Why wait until the situation had gotten as bad as it did? Could it have been that she was waiting for the right opportunity to catch Blueblood off guard?

Thinking about it now I wonder if her intention all along was to enter the castle so she could kill Blueblood. If that was the case, had she simply used me as a distraction? I want to believe that wasn't the case, but the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. Maybe Crimson Storm really had cared about me back then, but if she was out for some sort of revenge against the Blueblood family, then I may have been just a pawn despite any kind of bond we may have shared.

When I asked Celestia how Crimson Storm had found me, she told me she didn't know; she told me Crimson Storm didn't say, but now I wondered if the Princess had known all along and was trying to protect me from the truth.

Come to think of it, I never really found out anything about Crimson Storm at all.

Really, why should I be surprised that she may have just been using me? I thought I connected with her—and in many ways I still think I do—but that didn't mean she didn't have her own goals, her own ideals, her own demons. She was hurting far more than I could've ever imagined and I was just a filly who didn't understand, but now I do... and despite the very likely possibility that I was used, I still couldn't bring myself to dislike her.

She was a victim, she didn't deserve any of what happened to her. I know that sounds hollow coming from a horrible pony like me—a pony that's caused so much suffering since then, but I truly do believe that. Celestia ordered the whole incident to be kept under wraps so as not to incite any unrest amongst the citizens, and because of that, I never found out what happened to Crimson Storm, but if she's still alive out there somewhere, I hope she was able to find what she was looking for, even if she's no longer a Royal Guard.

Of course, having gone through all of that, my issues were far from over.

There was after all, the matter of the Noble House of Blueblood, as well as my own dreams and how they affected me. Ever since that night, I began to remember the gruesome dreams and visions I had, and things only spiraled downhill from there.

She'd never outwardly said anything of the sort, but even as a filly I'd gotten the impression that the Princess thought I was scarred for life after what happened with Crimson Storm and Blueblood.

She was never fully convinced that I was okay after the exam, and I guess she thought that night must've pushed me over the edge. While something had definitely changed, me being scarred for life—at least in the way Celestia was imagining—was far from the case.

Yes, I had questions—lots of questions, and yes I had horrible dreams, but those dreams were a different sort of problem I dared not talk to the Princess about. Mostly though, I was just confused and angry after the Princess and I had discussed the matter of what happened. She said I'd have a chance to talk to her about it from my point of view, but then a lot of rather convenient royal duties got in the way and we didn't talk about it until almost a week later.

At that point I was frustrated, and the only thing keeping me from lashing out was the memory of the dream I'd had after Celestia had sent me back to my room. It was horrible, it was gruesome, it was vivid and visceral, but mostly it made me think. I remembered each and every detail and the feelings it stirred within me were... hard to describe.

For a good while it occupied my mind and kept me distracted from the frustration of being kept in the dark by the Princess. We did discuss that night in private eventually, but I was told very little about what actually happened after I was sent away, and nothing at all about what happened to Crimson Storm in the end.

All I really gathered from the talk was that the issue of Crimson Storm's attempted murder had been dealt with in secret and that I didn't have to worry about her anymore. Had that been the end of it I still would've been frustrated that I wasn't being told everything sure, but I could've gotten over it over time.

Then I asked about Blueblood VII and his father, and that's what changed my frustration to outright fury. Celestia had been told about the way Captain Blueblood had treated Crimson Storm by Greedy Gut, but when she'd asked Crimson Storm directly about it, the mare had either denied any claims or simply said nothing.

To her credit, the Princess didn't stop there, and did question ponies who'd worked with Crimson Storm, but if any of them knew the truth, none of them said a word about it. She said something about a possible trial, but without any evidence, it wouldn't go anywhere. There was also the fact that Winter Chime's mother was the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court—a fact which I hadn't forgotten—and as the Prince of Nobles, the Captain most likely had her and most of, if not all of the associate justices in his pocket.

Normally I wouldn't have known anything about that as a filly, but my time hanging out with the Captain's son before the Gala had opened my eyes to a few of the darker dealings the nobility were involved in. I didn't understand all of it, but I'd learned enough to know that not all was as it seemed when it came to who held the power.

In short, there would be virtually no punishment for the Captain's actions because nothing could be proven.

There were only two things I could take solace in. One was the fact that whatever had happened to Crimson Storm, she was most likely far from the Captain's reach. The other was that the actions of the Captain's son were a little more difficult to hide.

It was true that I'd been healed before the Princess arrived, but the sorry state of my fancy white dress had been evidence enough for Celestia. She initially wanted to blame Crimson Storm for harming me, but I was very quick to point out otherwise. Again I wasn't told exactly what Blueblood's punishment would be, but the Princess assured me it would be severe.

At the time, that was enough for me, but that was mostly because of what I'd personally done to the colt in the aforementioned dream I'd had. Among the many feelings that dream invoked in me, one of them had most certainly been a very grim satisfaction. In my mind I'd already given the colt the punishment I felt he deserved deep down.

I told Celestia nothing of what I truly felt, as there was a lot more fear, disgust, shame and confusion than any sense of gratification. I'd planned to take the memory of that dream, and all dreams following it to my grave, but that wasn't meant to be—at least, not for the first dream.

I'd made the terrible mistake of telling somepony about the first dream I actually remembered, and it would be the last time I told anypony anything about the darker thoughts that lay inside.

My story is far from over, and before it's done, I want to give you an idea of what my life was like from that point forward. I also want—no, I need to tell you of the events that led up to the moment I truly accepted that I was a very... sick pony. Before that though, I think it might be best to bring attention to the only other pony who'd known anything about my secret aside from Octavia.

Author's Notes:

So originally this chapter was a lot shorter, and to make up for it was planning to release two chapters at once. Then I actually started writing the other chapter and it turned out to be a lot longer than I was expecting. I also felt there was some bleed over from this chapter so I cut some of what I wrote out of that chapter and put it back into this one.

Now this chapter is at what I feel is a decent length and I'm almost done with the next chapter (which, even cut, is still pushing 4k words). I'll be working on the next chapter of The Necromancer's Apprentice from here, but in the meantime, the next chapter of this story should be out tomorrow hopefully.