The school was emptying now. The final bell had rung several minutes ago, and eager students had already fled out of its doors like air out of a balloon. The only ones who stayed behind were the few members of the faculty that still had a small amount of work to do, the students who were in detention, or those who were staying for their club activities.

One such group of students, and their educator, were sitting down for the long awaited start to their own club activities. Bags of chips were flung onto the table. Paper rustled as character sheets were laid out. Books and reference cards were splayed in front of each seat, and flavorful, carbonated beverages were opened with loud pops and hisses as four ponies and one dragon all settled down for an adventure.

Derpy set up a dungeon master’s screen to separate all her notes and reminders, and of course, to hide her dice from the others. The other four players drew out their own dice and laid them on the table. Luna’s eyes glanced around the table before settling on the dice that Fluttershy was using. She reached out and gently plucked one of her six-sided die, rolling it back and forth in her palm for a moment. “Interesting make,” she mused with a small smile. “These aren't made from glass or stone, are they?”

“Um, no,” Fluttershy said gently, taking the die back. “These were a gift from my uncle over in Zebrica.”

“You have family in Zebrica?” Spike asked.

“He travels a lot for his work,” she clarified. “They’re actually made from old cockatrice bones.”

There was silence for a moment, and they all stared at her. She cleared her throat and blushed again, gently pushing her dice back and forth in front of her, listening to the click and rattle as they all brushed against one another. “Um, yeah. D-don’t worry, it’s not like they killed the poor thing. But there are a few cave routes down on the coastline where the more tropical forms of them breed, and it’s also where they tend to go when they’re getting ready to die, so there are a lot of old skeletons laying around there. The people who live nearby use the bones to make tools, furniture, and toys like this.” she rolled one of the dice. “It was… um, a sweet gift.”

“That’s pretty macabre,” Rainbow noted with a smirk. “Didn’t take you to be a secret goth girl, Fluttershy.”

“I-I’m not! This is the only thing like this I have, I swear.” She squeaked and hid behind her wings.

Derpy giggled and pointed at Rainbow’s dice, which were more the typical sort of hobby shop dice that could be made with a small rock tumbler. “And what about those things?” she asked, tapping one of them. “Look at how smooth those corners are. These babies have been rolled so many times that they don’t even HAVE corners anymore.”

“Hey, hands off of the Jade Special,” Rainbow said, snatching away the dice. “These guys are real important to me. I’ve been using the same set of dice for this game since I was a kid.” She tossed one of them up and down. “I mean, yeah, these guys are getting a little worn down, a little bit more long in the tooth, but… they aren’t quitting yet. And they’re super lucky now too!”

“Super Lucky?” Spike asked. “How do you figure?”

“At this point? Any time I’ve ever been in a pinch, nine times out of ten, these little guys have always managed to pull my ass out of the fire.”

“I think it’s mostly because they’ve been rolled so much, they’re partially loaded at this point,” Luna whispered to the others, though loud enough that Rainbow could still hear it, causing her to give the alicorn a quick glare. “What? It’s true. You roll a die enough times, eventually, it gets so worn down that it’s more likely to roll onto certain numbers.”

“Well, it’s not like they’ve been totally accurate,” Rainbow said. “So I’m gonna keep using them. What about your dice, Luna?” Rainbow asked, motioning to the closed dice bag in front of her. “Whip em out, let’s have a look at em.”

“We’re… we’re still talking about dice, right?” Derpy asked, giving Rainbow a sideways glance.

Spike almost choked on his soda at the unintentional laugh that almost broke out. It’d be even funnier to him if they weren’t referring to his aunt, though none of them knew that. A glance at Luna’s blushing face and he almost burst out laughing again, covering his mouth to hide his smile as the others were a bit more open about their snickers and chuckles.

She recovered quickly enough however, and opened her bag, pouring them out. They were brand new hobby shop die, red, with black numbers hand painted on them. “These are mine.”

“What, that’s it?” Rainbow said, disappointed. “Those are boring. Brand new? Solid colors? C’mon, you’re allowed to live a little bit more than that.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “I have quite the collection of dice at home, as well as a stack of character sheets from old, deceased characters. But for a new group, I believe in a fresh start. Fresh characters, fresh dice, fresh faces.” She smirked. “Your die might have seen a thousand battles, but mine are young, and eager to prove themselves. I’m sure they will not fail me.”

“Well, we’ll see,” Rainbow said with another grin, cracking her knuckles.

Derpy snickered a little bit. “It’s not like this is going to be much of a tough campaign.”

“You’re going easy on us, Derpy?” Fluttershy asked.

“Well, it should last us a couple sessions, but I figured something that wasn’t super tough would be a little bit better for us to get to know each other’s play styles and everything.” She grinned. “Hopefully you all won’t die too horribly.” She giggled.

“Please tell me she’s not a killer DM,” Spike groaned. “I had enough of those playing with Shining Armor’s crowd when he introduced me to the game.”

“Sounds like you have some stories,” Luna mused, smirking a bit. Spike shot her a half glare. She’d seen at least one of the games play out when she was out and about in one of her disguises.

“Yeah,” he said at last. “There was this one guy who was always there, Gizmo. He was a real know-it-all type, kind of annoying, but he meant well, most of the time. Except when he ran campaigns. I’m not exaggerating when I say every single encounter that he put into his games would have been the equivalent of the climactic final boss in any other campaign. And he threw them at the party constantly.” He leaned back and put his hand over his face. “It is incredibly frustrating having to roll up like, five or six different characters one after the other because every time a character goes into battle, he ends up dying.” He shook his head.

“Well I’m not THAT bad,” Derpy said with a huff, crossing her arms. “I promise, my campaign is balanced, for the most part.”

“For the most part?”

“Well… so long as you use your head, of course.” Derpy giggled a little bit.

The players glanced at one another for a moment, a look of worry crossing their faces, though they were quickly replaced with a couple of grins as they all relished in the potential of a challenge. Derpy stretched her arms up over her head and splayed her wings out behind her. “Okay. I’ve already looked at and approved all your character sheets for the start, so I’m gonna take a bit of time to set the scene before we start. Are we ready?”

When everyone gave an affirming nod to her, she smiled and took a deep breath. “Our tale begins on the continent of Utrogoth, deep in the forests of Mirkwood…”

The fog was thick within Mirkwood’s borders that day, as the small troop of adventurers entered it. At the head of the group, shield raised before her and palm on the hilt of her blade, was a dragoness. She was Lady Sulfur, a paladin of the highest grade, in service to the great flame god Ifrit. His core tenant was that magic, with rare exceptions, was forbidden, and should not be used, save in the most dire of circumstances, as magic was the domain of gods, and gods alone.

However, her abbot had told her of a vision that he had, that her services were needed deep in the Mirkwood, in one of the small villages there. She was surprised that a paladin would be necessary at such a remote location, but she was not one to doubt her abbot’s words, nor would she ever turn away from someone who needed help. He had also warned her that she would need the help of others to accomplish this task, and in perhaps the strangest twist that she had been told about, she had been asked to get herself some companions who could use magic as well. Specifically, a druid, and a sorceress.

She had been incredulous at first. Druids, she could deal with. Their magic, which often worked in tandem with nature, was not as much an affront to the gods, though she did take umbrage with the ones that attempted to take direct command of nature.

Sorceresses though? Gods, she would have to pray for days for forgiveness from Ifrit to make up for working with one of the biggest enemies of her gods’ teachings.

Even so, she had done as requested, and had put out a call to adventurers in the local area in and around the city in hopes of attracting someone to come and help her. She had not specified the need for magic users, knowing that they would come regardless.

And they did. The first that they hired was a barbarian from the northlands, a diamond dog calling himself Copper. Just Copper, he said. No surname to speak of. His speech was strange, oddly eloquent sounding for one of the northern tribes, definitely using an old dialect of Equestrian. Still totally understandable, but anyone who grew up with more modern speech patterns would need a moment to process everything he said.

“Oh, thanks for that,” Spike muttered with a huff.

“Well, sorry, Spike,” Derpy said. “I’m just going off of what’s written on your speech. If you’re going to have a character speak with an outdated dialect, then why wouldn’t you expect the other characters to have trouble understanding them?”

“And this is why I take care to give my characters feats and skills related to language,” Luna said proudly, tapping her sheet. “So it’s not a problem for me.”

“It’s not like he’s speaking an entirely different language.”

“He certainly spouts out enough ‘thees’ and ‘thous’ that it kinda sounds like one,” Rainbow teased.”

“Can we please get back to the game?” Spike grunted.

“Sure, sure.” Derpy cleared her throat. “Anyway…”

A druid was next to offer her services. A sphinx she was, something that Sulfur had not been expecting at all. She had been under the impression that sphinxes were creatures of the far, far south. This one, however, turned out to be quite the gab and was happy to discuss the fact that she had been living on the outskirts of the city for a long while, heralding what she called a ‘free range farm’ whatever that was supposed to be. And then she continued talking, and talking, and talking, and Sulfur was half tempted to just turn her around, slap her rear, and send her home if she wasn’t going to cease her prattling. But as she was one of the only druids who had expressed any interest in assisting her, Sulfur had reluctantly agreed to let her stay. “What is your name?” Sulfur asked her.

The sphinx paused in her nonstop torrent of gab for just a moment, her eyes lighting up at the realization that she had yet to tell the dragoness her name. “Oh! So sorry,” she said, bowing her head a few times in apology. “Yes, so sorry! You can call me Nepeta!”

“...Nepeta?” Sulfur asked, raising a brow.

“Do you like it? I chose it myself!”

“Really, Fluttershy?” Luna asked, raising a brow. “A little bit on the nose, isn’t it?”

“You actually know what it is, Ms. Luna?” the pegasus asked with a tilted head.

“Of course I do. I went to school at one point too you know.”

Spike scratched the back of his head. “Uh, well, care to fill the rest of us in here?” he asked. “I feel like I’m missing a joke here.”

Luna crossed her arms. “Nepeta is the scientific name for catnip,” she said with a small smile. “She named her sphinx character ‘Catnip’ essentially.”

Fluttershy blushed lightly and wiggled in her seat. “I thought it was a pretty cute name.”

“Yeah, almost as predictable as a dragon named Sulfur, or a diamond dog named Copper, right?” Rainbow asked with a playful smirk.

Spike and Luna blushed as Fluttershy let out a little giggle. “Guess we’re all not that creative when it comes to names.”

“At least yours sounds a little creative,” Spike complimented. “Names are hard. I know it’s a rather stereotyped name, but Copper’s a good fallback for a Diamond Dog.”

“Oh, just you all wait until you hear Rainbow Dash’s character name,” Derpy said, snickering again.

“What’s wrong with my name?” Rainbow asked, huffing a little bit.

“Oh, nothing, nothing,” Derpy said with a gentle shrug of her shoulders.

After convincing the talkative feline to calm down a little bit (and asked her to start respecting some personal boundaries) Sulfur waited to see if there would be any magic users who would be willing to come with her. Much as she expected, those with magical talent walked into the room where she was interviewing potential candidates, saw the crest on her armor, and immediately turned and walk out.

And then… SHE walked in.

“Well HELLO there!” the griffon stated as she walked in, grinning in delight as she looked around. “Uff, these meeting rooms are always so drab, aren’t they?” she asked. “They could at least put down a welcome mat, and maybe set out a little plate of snacks. Oh, I suppose they might not have the budget for that.”

“Hello,” Sulfur said, louder than necessary, attempting to get the woman’s attention. “And thank you for your interest in this campaign.”

“Oh, no trouble at all, it sounds like it’s going to be a lot of fun.” She smirked and pointed at the Ifrit crest on her chest. “Specially with a spitfire like you leading.”

Sulfur’s eye twitched again, but she managed to keep her annoyance under wraps. “Yes well, I suppose you will do so long as you are a competent mage.”

“Competent is my middle name.” She chuckled and tapped her beak. “Well, actually I don’t have a middle name. Mom wanted it to be Taako, my father wanted it to be Abigail, and so they just agreed to disagree.”

“Fascinating,” Sulfur said. She didn’t find it fascinating in the slightest. “But if you are good enough in magic, I suppose I just need to know your name.”

“My name eh?” she asked. She pulled the wide-brimmed hat from her head and bowed before her with a flourish. “I am the feathered fiend of fire, the Lady of the eventide, the righter of wrongs wherever I go, and a lover of all that is fine and beautiful. You may call me Red Quinoa, Mistress of Magic!”

“So, I just wanted to point out,” Derpy said, making a ‘time out’ motion with her hands. “I’m pretty sure that’s pronounced ‘Queen-Wa’ Rainbow.”

Rainbow’s ear flicked and she shook her head. “No way. It’s gotta be Quen-oh-wah,” she said. “Like, that’s how it looks, right.”

“Why would you even name your character after a grain anyway?”

“What?” Rainbow asked.

Spike took out his phone, tapped the screen a few times and looked up Red Quinoa real quick before showing the screen to Rainbow. Her ears folded back a bit as she groaned, looking at the explanation. “Aww, c’mon! I thought it was some sort of badass warrior name! I don’t wanna be named after a chewy grain or anything.”

“Well, it’s too late to change it now,” Derpy stated with finality. “We’ve already started, so you’ll just have to deal with it. Besides, apart from the name, she’s a fine character.” She grinned. “So let’s actually get this adventure started!”

Her party assembled, Sulfur led her intrepid crew into the forest. Even as she did so, however, she could sense something strange about the woods. Her innate sense for evil was tingling slightly, but she could not feel where it was coming from, nor was it incredibly strong. But it was there, a constant, soft buzzing at the back of her skull.

Her canine companion walked next to her, his own hand fingering the head of a throwing axe hanging from his belt. “You feel it too, do you not?” she asked softly.

“Aye,” he said with a nod. “Thou cans’t feel it. The air is afoul. Something is amiss.”

She nodded. At least he kept his sentences short and sweet. “I doubt our company realizes this though,” she grumbled, glancing behind her. Ever since they had started their journey, the druid and the sorceress had done little but chat with one another. They chatted loudly and constantly, about any little thing, both of them seeming quite comfortable getting in each other’s face and laughing at any little joke. They even had their arms around one another, like old friends, or, gods forbid, lovers. “It’s like they were made for one another.

“Thou speakest as though thou is sure of their ineptness. Oeur companions are a strange bunch, but I’ve little reason to doubt their power.”

“That’s perhaps the most you have said since joining my party. I trust you do not speak these words lightly.”

Copper shook his head, glancing back at the two magic users, who were gayly singing a small tune to themselves as they all moved down the strangely uneven path leading deeper into the forest.

“Back to silence, eh?” she sighed, but did not press him. At the very least, he had spoken, which strangely put the paladin at ease. If a silent beast like him was willing to speak on their behalf, she’d continue to tolerate them for a while longer… so long as their behavior didn’t get them in trouble.

In due time, the company found themselves in front of the large, wooden gates of the village. The wooden walls separating it from the forest were about twice the height of an average pony, and its top had obvious ramparts for anyone who needed to peek over, or get a better view of any sort of flying threat. Sulfur vaguely wondered if this village had found themselves under attack many times before. “Right then…” she muttered. “I had assumed there would be someone waiting for us here, but the gates are closed… in fact, it doesn’t look like they’ve been opened in some time.”

“Pardon me,” Red Quinoa said, smiling as she walked past her, gently flexing her fingers. “Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?”

Sulfur blushed and cleared her throat as the griffon walked towards the front gate. “I-I was going to try that!” she protested. “I was just… you know, making an observation!”

“Well, make your observations when we’re inside,” she said, taking hold of her gnarled, thick, wooden staff and slamming the head of it against the gate.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

“Helloooo! Anyone in there?” she called, giving the gate another few raps.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

They received no answer for a long while. “Is… is no one home?” Nepeta asked, tilting her head to the side.

“Oh come on,” Red said with a huff. “Someone’s gotta be there. Hang on maybe I’m just not knocking hard enough!” She smiled and leaned back.

“I wouldn’t do that if I-”

WHAM!

Sulfur’s warning went ignored as the griffon reared back and slammed her shoulder against the door. She staggered back, hissing and clutching at her arm. “Ow, ow, ow, okay, not my best idea, admittedly!”

At last, however, a head poked up over the side of the wooden gate, glancing down at them, head tilted to the side in curiosity. “Oh,” the armored stallion said. “I guess you aren’t gnolls.”

“Uh… no we are not,” Sulfur called. “My name is Sulfur, of the Church of Ifrit. We received word that aid was requested here. I and my party-

“My party and I,” the stallion corrected her, earning an annoyed grunt from the dragon (and her player).

“My party and 'I' have come to assist in any way that we-”

“Sorry, no one here’s sent any sort of request.” the pony called, interrupting her again. “Not a bit.”

“Uh… but…” She cleared her throat.

“Please tell me you didn’t lead us to the wrong village,” Red whined, rubbing at her knees. “My poor chicken legs are about to give out on me!”

“But how many other places could there be out here?” Nepeta mused. “I mean, Mirkwood is pretty big and all, but there’s really only one or two pathways through it, and if there are a lot of nasty creatures in it, then it stands to reason that less targets would be good, but then again, more villages would mean more protection, so-”

“Both of you, please be silent,” Sulfur snapped, reaching into her travel bag and producing a letter. She waved it above her head. “I have here, a letter from your chief,” she called. “It has their seal and everything. It was sent to my abbot, who sent me in response.”

The pony blinked a few times, still staring down at them. Then it looked off into space, as though listening for a sound that was not coming. At last, he nodded. “Right, right, of course. My mistake then. Forgive me, it has been a hard few days. I will open the gates right away.”

Sulfur nodded. “Thank Ifrit for that.”

“I’ll say,” Red said with a smile. “I was NOT going to spend the night on the forest floor, that’s for sure. All those little bugs and rocks and dirt and dust all over the place.” She stuck out her tongue.”

Sulfur grit her teeth and did not answer the magic user as the sound of a large deadbolt being pulled could be heard, along with a board being removed from the front of the gate. It was slowly pushed open, the stallion from before standing there. “Please, all of you, come in.”

They nodded and the party moved as one inside. They stopped just as quickly as they saw a large crowd of ponies gathered in front of the gate. All staring at them. Smiling.

“All right, this is relatively unnerving,” Nepeta mused. “I mean, I enjoy being the center of attention, but this kind of ridiculous.”

Sulfur nodded in agreement, carefully fingering her sword again, wary of all this. Someone forced their way through the crowd, pushing to the very front. “Hello, hello,” they greeted. It was a mare, a relatively short and stocky one, bearing no wings or horn. Her coat was gray and her mane and tail a slight shade of off-yellow. Her mane was bushy and reached all the way down to her rear. “Welcome, welcome,” she greeted again, walking forward and grabbing Sulfur’s hand. “It’s so nice to see that you have heeded our call. Forgive me, yes, forgive me for not having a guard posted, ready to welcome you, but we’re all rather cautious these days. Yes, rather cautious.”

Sulfur nodded, eyeing her up and down. That tingle was still in the back of her head, but again, it neither grew nor shrank. It was just constantly humming. It warned her that something dangerous was near… something evil… but she just couldn’t pinpoint it.

Her palm stayed on the hilt of her weapon as she finally addressed the woman. “Yes, I heard mention of Gnolls, Miss…”

“Silver Scroll. Yes, that is my name. Yes, Silver Scroll. And yes, it is the Gnolls that are causing us some trouble. I will be happy to tell you all. Yes, tell you all. Please, come with me.” She nodded to the crowd, waving her arms quickly. “You all can go away now! Let our guests be, let them rest! Yes, let them rest!”

The crowd nodded, almost as one, and slowly started to move away, going back to whatever was their duty and task from before.

“Well,” Sulfur slowly turned to her party. “I think it is safe to say something strange is going on here.”

Red Quinoa gasped loudly and slapped her palms against her face. “Noooo, you think?” she asked.

Nepeta snickered a bit and shook her head as Sulfur’s nostrils flared. “I’m going to go with the chief and see what she has to say. While I am doing that, I want you three to wander around town. See if you can figure out anything about what’s going on around here, and if you find anything incriminating, try not to alert anyone about it and contact me immediately.”

Copper nodded his head. “As you say,” he said to her.

“Good, good.” She glanced at the druid and sorceress. “And for gods’ sake, please don’t go throwing your magic around. If they asked for a paladin of Ifrit specifically, I doubt they want to see you using that stuff here.”

“Oh come on, it’s not like I’ll be tossing fireballs and summoning demons left and right, what do you think I am, a barbarian?” She paused and glanced over at Copper. “Er, no offense.”

“None taken,” the canine assured her.

Nepeta nodded. “We’ll see what we can do. But you be pretty wary too.” Her nose twitched lightly. “She smells strange. I can’t put my finger on it, but keep her in your sight while you’re with her.”

“You need not worry about me. I’m a paladin,” she said with a grin. “I know how to handle myself.” She glanced between them for a moment. “Godspeed, all of you.” She turned, seeing the mare still waiting for her, and quickly hurried after her, her shield pulled close to her chest and her palm resting on the hilt of her blade.

Nepeta wandered around the south side of the village for a good while. While the villagers still made her a little wary, her personality made her feel as though she at least had to try and socialize. So she did. She said ‘hello’ and ‘hi’ and ‘how are you’ to each person that she passed, but they either ignored her, or gave the smallest, most curt answer that they could muster, and did not bother answering any of her questions afterwards.

Frustrated, the sphinx decided on an old method of getting attention that almost always worked back in her homeland. If you wanted to draw the eyes to you, then you had to give them something to look at, after all. So, she gently stripped herself down to her birthday suit, laying her clothing and equipment to the side, hands on her hips. She started to strut about, swaying her hips side to side as she walked about, putting on a coy grin accompanied with bedroom eyes. She put a little bounce in her step, so that other parts of her would bounce as well. She arched her back as she walked, something that most other species would gawk at, but as a feline, she was easily able to push out her buttocks and bust at the same time, making sure all of her assets were on full display.

But no one even glanced at her. Nepeta's ears lowered in disappointment. Did ponies just not find cat women sexy anymore? Her frustration began to mount as she walked around, still completely starkers.

Eventually, she found herself walking towards a large garden of sorts. Her eyes widened as she saw the size of the plants growing from its soil. For a moment, her frustration at being ignored fell away. “Oh wow!” she said, hurrying forward, stopping next to it, examining the massive stalk in front of her. Glancing over at the mares tending to it, she said, “This is amazing! I didn’t think garden vegetables could get this big! What sort of…” she stopped, realizing two things. First, the mares were ignoring her… and pretending to do things (they were miming as though they were weeding the garden, but really all they were doing was bending over and raising their arms). Second, the plants in front of her were very, very out of place. Not only were they large, but many of them should not have been able to grow in this environment. Her eyes widened and she placed a hand against one. “Tell me your story,” she whispered to it, calling to the plant to give her an idea of what had gone on since it had sprouted.

Instead, what she received, was white hot pain. The Sphinx jumped back and hissed, hugging her hands under her arms. Whatever was going on here, the plants were just as hostile as the people. She had never encountered anything like this. Glaring at the nearby mares, she walked over to them. “Hey! What’s going on here? How are you able to get this garden to grow like this?”

No answer.

Her frustration boiled over. “Would you all stop ignoring me!” she said, stomping around and starting to flail her limbs, her claws unsheathing. She ended up knocking against the stalk of one of the plants and instantly, the two mares nearby jumped up and hurried over to her.

Seeing them approach, Nepeta smiled and sheathed her claws. “Well, I wasn't expecting a tantrum to get me what I wanted, but I- EEP!” She yelped as her arms were suddenly grabbed and the two mares wrestled her to the ground with relative ease. Nepeta wasn't weak, at least she liked to think she wasn't, but these two girls caught her by surprise, and soon, she was down on her stomach. One of the mares pulled her wrists behind her and sat down on her back, pinning her arms, wings, and tail out of the way, while the second sat upon her legs, pinning her down completely. “H-hey! Let go!” she gasped.

They did not. The two mares rubbed at her thick bottom for a moment before the two of them began to rapidly, and harshly, slap at her buttocks. Neither said anything, but they put all their strength into every smack.

SLAP! SMACK! WHAP! SLAP! SPLAT!

“OW! EEP! OOP! ISH! ISH!” The sphinx hissed and gasped, trying to buck and arch her back, attempting to wriggle out from under them, but they were putting their full weight against her, and her awkward positioning pretty much guaranteed that she was totally at their mercy.

And they were taking full advantage of that. Four palms working over two cheeks was definitely more efficient... and painful.

SPANK! SLAP! WHAP! WHAP! SMACK!

“OWWW! AWW! I'm sorry if I upset you! EEK! Come on, I'm sorry! AH! OW!

SPANK! SMACK! SPANK! SMACK! SPANK!

“MEEP! OOOF! No, come on! My tush huuurts! OWWW, my butt!”

They spanked and spanked and spanked, for several minutes, swatting away until her buttocks were a bright, throbbing red, and she was crying loudly. Then, as quickly as it had started, it stopped, with the two mares each giving her one last slap on each cheek, followed by a rather invasive squeeze of her flank before they slowly stood up and walked back to their original position, bending over and mimicking their weeding once again.

The sphinx sniffled and whimpered, groaning and reaching behind her, rubbing at her butt. “It was an accident!” she whined loudly, kicking her feet in frustration. “Ooof, it's swollen!” She whined and whimpered a bit more before slowly dragging herself back to her feet, still hugging and rubbing her buttocks. “Urf... grr... weird plants, ponies ignoring me, not even commenting on my butt a single time while they were smacking it... This place is so strange.” She shook her head, deciding it might be best if she went back, redressed herself, and told the others what she found.

“The worst part about all of this,” she mumbled, “Is that I can't even show off my spanked butt to anyone here! No one cares! Urgh, this day sucks!”

Fluttershy’s face was a deep crimson and she covered her face with her wings, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. “Did you have to be so vivid with how you described that, Derpy?”

The others laughed softly, and Derpy giggled softly, rubbing her own slightly red face. “I guess I was getting a little bit descriptive, but you're the one who botched the roll. Anyway, roll for knockout damage.”

“Really?” Fluttershy asked. “I have to roll for damage for that?”

“Only knockout damage, not lethal damage. Not like they were stabbing your butt or anything.

Wincing, the yellow pegasus rolled her die. “Two,” she said, breathing a sigh of relief.

“Only two?” Rainbow asked. “They were at it for a while, weren't they?”

“Well, she's also got to deal with swelling, which means anything she wears on her waist will be ill fitting until her butt heals,” Derpy said happily.

Fluttershy just squeaked and continued to wiggle softly in her seat while Luna leaned forward. “I suppose we should move on? Rainbow, why don’t we find out what your little grain is up to next?”

Rainbow gave her a slight glare, but shrugged. “Sure, sounds fine to me. Derpy?”

“Right, right.” The snickering dungeon master cleared her throat for a moment. “Let’s see, Red Quinoa, Red Quinoa…”

The griffon hummed to herself as she walked down the well worn dirt path near the center of the town. She smiled as she looked around, watching the villagers wander around aimlessly. None of them seemed to be in any hurry, or really have any idea where they were going. They were just moving for the sake of moving. Even the ones who were standing at the various stalls and shop windows weren’t doing anything beyond standing there.

The mage rubbed her beak a few times. “Hmmm,” she mused. “Well, not gonna learn anything just standing here.” She walked forward, towards one of the shops, an open window on the bakery. A Mare stood there, dressed in an apron (and nothing else, she realized) and staring at her with the absolute, biggest smile on her face. Red Quinoa put on her own charming smile and leaned on the side of the window. “Well hello there, you beautiful thing,” she greeted.

“Hello,” she responded, the smile still on her face.

The conversation ended there for a while. Red Quinoa tilted her head. The mare tilted her own head. “Aren’t you going to ask me what I’d like?”

“Am I supposed to do that?” the mare asked.

“Well, that’s generally what ponies working the counter are supposed to do.”

“All right then.” She nodded. “What would you like.”

“Well, I was thinking I might like a great big loaf of your finest white bread, but after laying eyes on you? I think I’m more in the mood for a pair of big, soft buns!”

“Buns?” she asked. “Buns… oh, I think I understand.”

“Heh, do you?” Red asked with a shrug. “Well, I mean, it wasn’t exactly subtle, but-” she was cut off as the mare turned around and hopped up onto the window sill, pushing herself backwards until her bare buttocks wobbled over the side of the sill, leaving them totally exposed. “Uh…”

“Here you are,” she said, glancing over her shoulder. “I’m afraid these are the only buns I have. These are buns, yes?”

“Of… a sort,” Red said. She was rather surprised by how forward she was. And again, another glance at the passing villagers revealed that no one seemed to care. “Hmm… well this is kind of boring,” the griffon muttered, though she reached out and squeeze the large buttocks in front of her. No one here seemed to know… well, anything. Her perfectly crafted innuendo was wasted here, and that was incredibly annoying. Experimentally, she tried giving the mare a firm pinch, her claws digging into the soft flesh of her rear. She didn’t react at all. She gave it a brisk smack, and not so much as a squeak. “Can you not feel anything?”

“Should I be feeling something?” she asked, staring blankly into the bakery ahead of her.

Sighing, Red Quinoa disengaged. “Where’s the fun in flirting when no one here even knows what flirting is?” She shook her head, downtrodden, and started to walk away, pausing to let a pair of mares pass who were mimicking having a conversation, though neither of them seemed to be saying anything to one another. As one final desperate experiment, Quinoa reached down and grabbed their skirts as they walked by, gently lifting them up and watching their bare buttocks bounce and wobble as they walked. She blushed. “Well… that’s not too bad…” she muttered.

Grinning, and realizing that no one around her seemed that off put by what she was doing, she whistled to herself as she walked about, flipping up skirts and pulling down trousers around her, making her own fun, taking in every single tush she could. It wasn’t as fun as getting a mare or stallion all blushy by paying them compliments or teasing them, but hey, if she was going to be stuck in a village where she couldn’t romance a single individual, she was at least going to make her own fun.

“Wow, okay, so we have two perverts in the party,” Spike teased with a laugh.

Rainbow laughed as well. “It’s not nearly as bad as strutting about naked for attention. Even if my character is doing it out of boredom.

“W-Well, Nepeta’s a naturalist, so she doesn't normally wear clothes anyways!”

“I’d just like to know what either of these events has to do with the story proper,” Luna said with a huff. “Can we just skip Spike’s solo scene and move back to the actual story?”

“Oh come on, Luna, that’s not fair,” Spike said. “I promise, no pervy shenanigans, and we’ll keep it sweet and short.”

“Besides, it’s not like all the butts were totally worth nothing,” Derpy said, smiling down at her notes. “Now you know just how weird things have gotten in the village.”

“Uh-huh.” Luna rolled her eyes. “I think you’re all just really perverted.”

Spike slowly looked up at his aunt with a look that said he had plenty of stories he could tell about her. Luna shot back a glare that essentially said ‘You leave my harem games out of this.’ before turning her attention back to her character sheet.

“Anyway,” Spike said, “Are we moving on with Copper?”

Derpy nodded. “Right, let’s go.”

Copper didn’t speak to anyone or anything. He merely observed all the strangeness that was happening around him. And as he did so, he saw more oddities. While the plants remained healthy, even the weeds and the wild flowers poking up out of the ground, everything else looked neglected. The houses were showing obvious signs of wear and tear, as though no one had thought to clean them. The storehouses were the most troubling. The smell emanating from them was incredibly pungent. Rotting meat and molding vegetables suggested weeks, perhaps months of neglect. Were the people here not eating? One would assume that any place struggling would have cleared out the store houses totally, but these supplies had not been touched or tended too for a good, long while.

He gazed over at a pair of ponies passing by. Their clothing suggested laborers, made from common material, cheaply made, starting to fray at the edges. His keen eyes, however, could pick up no sign of malnourishment or weakness. While they moved stiffly and strangely, they were not slow, and did not seem to be lacking energy, or begging for food and water.

The diamond dog went to the well next and looked it over. The bucket was bone dry, and had not been lowered into the water for a good long while. Looking down into the well, peering as deep as he could, he could not see the bottom, encased in shadows… but some sort of strange scent seemed to be wafting up from it, an earthy, musty scent...

He reexamined the plants around him and realized that any sort of garden area was completely overgrown, not just with weeds and wild grass and plants, but the fruits and vegetables that had been growing there to begin with. They were bigger and healthier than he had ever seen before. He tilted his head and reached up, gently pulling a very ripe tomato off of its vine. He examined it, twisting it this way and that. Firm and perfect, not a single blemish on it anywhere. In fact, the entire plant was completely in tact. And so were the plants around it.

This wasn’t right. Even in the most immaculately kept gardens with the most vigilant of gardeners, there would at least be some evidence of insects or animals managing to get in and ravage at least a little bit of it.

He blinked, suddenly aware of eyes on him. He turned, eyes widening as he saw a huge group of villagers standing there, looking at him. Staring. Not just staring, they were glaring at him. He blinked again and looked between them and the tomato in his hand. Clearing his throat, he carefully laid the tomato down on the soil, giving it a light pat, and stepped away from the gardens. All of them continued to glare at him and he began to finger the head of the axe hanging from his belt. Thankfully, they slowly started to go about their business again, but their eyes all remained on him for an uncomfortably long time. Even when it meant they started to walk into walls or trip over anything, their eyes never left him, not until they were a good distance away.

Copper breathed easily as they finally left him be. He’d have to be careful of how he was treading around here. But first, he had to go and find Sulfur. She’d want to know about all of this right away.

“There, see?” Spike asked. “No lewdness, no perversion, just straight up plot progression and clue gathering. Happy, Luna?”

“No, not really,” the alicorn huffed. “That was boring.”

“Wow, you’re never happy are you?” Rainbow asked with a roll of her eyes. “Loosen up a little bit huh? Have some fun with the situation.”

“Well, following the path at least makes my job easier,” Derpy said with a giggle. “Anyway, we’ve still got one more one-on-one session to do, and that’s for Sulfur.”

“Well, nothing ridiculous is going to happen here, that’s for sure,” Luna declared.

“Boring,” Rainbow, Spike, and even Fluttershy stated, making the mare blush.

“Oh hush up, all of you, we’re on an adventure, not a perverted concert tour.”

“What sort of concerts were you going to, Luna?” Derpy asked.

The educator shrugged and waved a hand. “The sixties were a heck of a decade, Derpy.”

“You’ll have to share some stories some time,” she giggled. “Anyway…”

While all of this was happening, Sulfur accompanied the chieftain back to her hut in the center of the village and sat down in one of the chairs. The chief paced about the room for a long while. Sulfur took in the house around her. It was immaculate in terms of organization, but it looked as though it hadn’t been cleaned or dusted in a long while, and almost everything in there did not seem as though it had been touched in a long while. Bowls and silverware rested wherever they wished. The bookshelf looked as though the books had not been handled in a while. Even the bed, while looking neat, did not look like it had been slept on in a long while.

Perhaps the chief was just that stressed? She knew some in her order who had been there before. It would also explain her rather erratic behavior. “So then,” she asked gently, “What… do you know about what’s been happening here?”

“The gnolls,” she answered, nodding her head several times. “Yes, yes, it’s all because of the gnolls and their dark magics.”

Sulfur’s eyes widened. “I had heard about the gnolls as we were entering the village, but… magic as well?”

“Yes, yes. I know not what sort, no, not at all, but ever since they started to move closer and closer to our poor village, they have been pushing at our defenses, trying to break in. When that failed, strange things began to happen. Everyone started acting odd.” She shook her head. “Yes, very odd… I am… worried. Scared. Afraid.” She twisted around to glance at Sulfur. “The gnolls are powerful. Not enough to get through our defenses, as they have tried, but if they break us with magic…”

“Don’t worry,” Sulfur stated. “I will make sure that they, and their filthy magic, do not harm you or your people any more.” She stood up, setting a hand against her chest. “I swear on my life as a paladin of Ifrit, they will trouble you no more. Just tell me where I can find them.”

“Find them? Yes, the Gnolls always attack at our south gate, yes. The south gate.” she pointed out the window towards the far gate. “If you go deeper into the forest, yes, deeper into the forest, yes, you will find them. Please, get rid of them. Yes, get rid of them.”

“I will. For now, get some rest, and hold down the fort here. I’d suggest not letting anyone else in or out of the village now.”

“I will bear your advice in mind, Paladin. Good luck. Yes, very good luck to you. Let us know as soon as you can about your… success, yes?”

“Rest assured, we’ll be back before the day is out. May Ifrit’s flames bless your home.” She bowed her head and turned, slowly walking out of the house.

“Yes… flames and all that,” the chief said, watching her go.

Outside, Sulfur found her three companions waiting. The magic users immediately ran towards her and started speaking animatedly about what they had encountered. Sulfur just stared blankly at them in the hopes that they would eventually shut up and start talking normally so she could actually understand what was being said.

Thankfully, Copper came to her rescue, walking forward and quickly swatting the sphinx and griffon on their backsides, drawing their attention away from her. They yelped and glared at him, but did close their mouths. Sulfur took a deep breath. “Well, we have our objective. Did you find anything?”

Copper nodded gently. Before he could open his mouth to tell her, however, she walked past him, making him tilt his head. “You can tell me when we’re on the road. I don’t want to waste too much time standing around.”

“Wait, wait, where are we going?” Nepeta asked. “This place is really weird, Sulfur, I think we should-”

“When we find a deal with the gnolls, we’ll have solved the problem. If those beasts have magic, there’s no doubt that whatever you saw that was strange here, it was caused by their magic. That would probably explain why my sense for evil is constantly going off. This place is probably filled with dark magic.”

“Wait, gnolls? With magic?” Red Quinoa blinked. “And magic? Here? But I don’t sense any spells or magic hanging over this place, and my sense for magic is-”

“Your magic is similar to this, I understand that much,” she said with a huff. “And I brought you along to assist in dealing with enemies that can use magic, but unless you can dispel whatever’s hanging over this village here and now, we’re going to march out there and take out the source of this magic.”

The griffon scowled lightly at her. “Wow, okay, first of all, super rude of you. Second of all, if there is magic hanging over this place, it’s gotta be some of the most intricate, stealthy magic every crafted, something that might take months, even years to properly craft, if an experienced sorceress can’t sense it. Third, even if I could sense the magic, which I can’t, so there probably isn’t anything here, I’d need to know it’s nature, or at least how it was cast, before I could do anything about dispelling it.”

“All the more reason to go out there and deal with the gnolls. I see no reason why the leader of this village would have lied to me.”

“I can think of at least three good reasons, but fine, you’re our fearless leader or whatever. If that’s what you wanna do.”

“It is.” Her eyes narrowed. “And I suggest, if you wish to be paid for your services, if you have nothing constructive to add to this investigation, you hold your heretical tongue!”

Red Quinoa just glared at her for a moment, and after the silence had a chance to reign, Sulfur turned away and started to walk towards the south gate. Red Quinoa gave a slight snort as she followed after her. “You’re lucky you’re so damn cute,” she muttered.

“Yeesh, Luna,” Rainbow said with a smirk.

“Sorry, was I getting a bit too in character?” she asked, frowning. “I wasn’t yelling at you, Rainbow, rest assured.”

“No, no, I really like it,” Rainbow grinned. “We’re playing different characters, there should be some conflict there. I like this dynamic, and it’s keeping the story a bit more interesting.”

Spike and Fluttershy nodded in agreement. “Besides,” Spike noted, “From the way that Derpy was grinning, I think it’s safe to say that everything’s going all according to her plan.

She blinked a little bit and glanced up over her screen, quickly wiping the grin from her face. “No, not at all, nope!” she said, shaking her head, her hair falling in front of her eyes briefly. She giggled happily. “But this is still going great, I love how you all are playing this. Um, maybe we should take a break though? We’ve been going for a little while now, and I think I could use a bathroom break.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” Spike said. “So quick break and then we’ll come back and move onto the next part?”

“Right. I think it’s safe to say we’re going to have an encounter coming up soon,” Fluttershy said. “With Gnolls…” she sighed a bit.

“Something wrong, Fluttershy?”

“I just wish ponies would use gnolls as something other than villains at some point. I mean, they can be used as a playable race and everything.”

“Well, to be fair, they are a little bit more feral than the other main races,” Luna said. “They make good villains!”

“But they’re so cute,” the pegasus argued.

“Cute?” Spike asked. “The big, slobbering hyenas? With the hunched backs and the uneven fangs? They’re cute?”

“Oh, you sweet summer child,” Rainbow said with a grin, taking out her phone. “Spike, come here. I wanna introduce you to a little site called Ogre-booru…”