Author's Notes:

Canterlot City, Equestria #2651914

Johnny Alexis Carmichael sighed softly as they landed, though she was cautious at the military pony’s glare; he likely assumed that the case was his by right of discovery, despite the fact she’d found it first. She mingled amongst the crowd, feeling a dull tingling along her skin, unaware that the body armor she was wearing was pulsing with a dull red aura before it flared brightly, blinding her as well as more than a few nearby ponies.

“Shit,” he muttered before blinking. “Hmmm, that bears curiosity. Apparently, I can shift between male and female forms, though I’m still somewhat creeped out by miniature ponies. Meh… I… eh?” he muttered, pausing as he could ‘see’ a tendril of bright golden light radiating skyward and, surprisingly, growing closer. The lens over his right eye retracted, telling him that it was only visible through the lenses he was seeing through. “Hmm,” he murmured.

“How did you do that? Change forms like that?” he heard the pony he’d observed before murmur softly.

“No idea, honestly. Memories are fragmented. I remember waking up, apparently in the side of a mountain… before that… other than my name… it’s blanker than a field after a heavy snowfall before any footprints,” he said dryly.

“Hoofprints, you mean,” the pony corrected.

“Hoofprints, footprints… what does it matter what you walk on?” he deadpanned, shrugging nonchalantly.

“Name’s Lieutenant Shining Armor,” the pony said, introducing himself as he chuckled, supposing the odd creature had a point.

“Johnathan Alexis Carmichael, as far as I know, civilian,” he said dryly, shrugging.

Johnny let his gaze scan around before his eyes landed on the source of the golden beam of light. The mask retracted to merely glasses around his eyes, the dark amethyst edging around the golden amber lenses. “I believe that belongs to me,” he said quietly.

The pony with the spring greenish gray coat and dark gray mane snorted, glaring at them. “Nonsense. Upper Crust and I purchased this…. trinket…. fairly. There is nothing special about it,” the unicorn pony scoffed, the white sweater rustling slightly in the breeze over his green and white jersey.

“Truly, Jet Set, what are these ruffians accosting us for?” the female of the pair snorted, her cream-colored shirt and pale pink sweater almost identical to her husband’s.

“That pair of weapons is known as the Bashou Fan,” Johnny said dryly, cocking an eyebrow.

“Prove it, you hairless…. midget minotaur,” Upper Crust scoffed. Her eyes widened when he picked up the dagger “trinkets” before pressing a small trigger on the hilt and flicking it, the blade extending into a razor-sharp fan as energy flared over the blades of the fan in a glowing golden orange aura almost like flames.

She was mildly startled when she saw his irises flare a pale green as he vaulted back sharply a good twenty-five hoofpaces, landing in a low crouch. Her eyes narrowed slightly as he shifted with almost predatory fluidity, the movements hypnotic.

She frowned slightly as she cocked her head, noticing tints of a beautiful deep amethyst light flickering over the fans before her husband fired a stunning spell at the creature. To her surprise the creature twisted the fans, the aura catching and bouncing it between both fans several times before launching it back at her husband, hitting the ground a few hoofbeats in front of him in a blast of dust as he folded the fans in smoothly in a fluid, practiced motion. Jet Set gagged at the dust, his hoof swiping at the dust before he blinked, confused at the creature’s empty hands.

Upper Crust blinked as she hadn’t taken her eyes off the creature, yet the dagger-fans had apparently vanished; he wore a feminine blouse whose sleeves were far too short to hide anything up, barely brushing his biceps. “As to what I am…. It isn’t a midget minotaur. I’m human,” his tone was dry and sarcastic, mildly irritated.

“Everyone knows humans are myths,” Jet Set sneered.

“Where I came from, pegasi and unicorns were myths. For example, one myth is that a woman cursed by a god whom could petrify with her gaze and killed by a hero birthed a winged horse from her blood… called Pegasus,” Alexander said dryly. “Supposedly, unicorns are meant to be pure creatures…. Though in your case… I’d say a pure arsehole,” he muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes. He did notice Shining Armor snickering, obviously catching his muttered comment through the unicorns clearly didn’t pay attention.

He turned away, unaware that the fans had merged with the nanites composing his bodysuit of ‘clothing’. He allowed the group of military pegasi to lead the way towards the somewhat imposing palace, though he didn’t miss the opportunity to let his gaze scan around with mild interest, though he didn’t fail to notice that most of the other ponies stared at him with confusion and mild disgust.

He exhaled softly as he walked fairly quickly, moving fluidly with loping strides, not surprised that the ponies, despite being smaller and having shorter legs, were fairly easily able to keep up with him. He glanced at Shining Armor who smirked slightly, obviously liking the challenge. “Nobles?” he deadpanned.

Shining shrugged. “We’re kinda stuck with them,” he sighed.

“They’re idiots,” Alexander quipped, drawing a snort of laughter from several of the ponies, including Shining Armor.

“There are some decent ones, though, granted, not that many, unfortunately,” Shining amended. “Though I do agree that most of them are idiots. I just don’t say so…. to their faces,” he said with amusement.

Alexander snickered before sliding to a stop, his eyes widening slightly. He saw, at the top of a sweeping, if shallowly angled staircase, at least four palaces, or so he guessed. One had at least six towers that he could see, another had two, and a third had a single. “Damn. Never saw a palace before… well… not this style of the palace. It looks somewhat vaguely Arabian to me, though the only other palace I saw was…. a decidedly different style to this,” he commented wryly. He did notice the hedge maze as well as a very strange statue near the opening to it. It seemed to be a mishmash of body parts sloppily thrown together. However, what did catch his eye, strangely, was what was beneath it: a thick capsule with three slowly rotating spheres; he recognized it as a ‘full health’ capsule, though he couldn’t remember why it seemed familiar.

He did notice that it was well hidden beneath a layer of smoky quartz and marble, however. He didn’t comment on it, though, rather, focusing more on the broad palace before he cocked his head, thinking. “Who would need this place?” he said thoughtfully.

“The Princess, Her Majesty Celestia, you trash,” one guard snapped.

“If I’m such ‘trash’ as you put it, why was I escorted here rather than left wherever I was? Hmmm? Seems your ego is about as big as your balls… and if you keep pushing me, I’ll be more than happy to shrink them quite painfully,” came Alexis’ sharp reply, a shimmering luminous golden red aura flickering around him as he shifted to his female form, a sadistic grin growing on her face.

Shining snickered, seeing the guard shrink back with a nervous look. “Though…. what you should wonder is what I would use to do it… maybe a salad fork? Or a sewing needle? Or… maybe something chilled to the point where it burns on contact? Or better…. something that might explode on contact? Hmmm, I wonder what sort of reaction sodium metal would have with blood. I know it explodes quite violently with water… of course, going by human knowledge, the blood is roughly eighty percent water… for ponies… with large balls and small brains… I’d worry that I wouldn’t just take their balls…. but more… vital things with them,” the young woman continued, her tone thoughtful before turning innocent as she tilted her head with a shy look as Shining cringed slightly as the look in her eyes held a hint of the dangerous sadist for those whom she really disliked or outright hated.

She cocked her head, a small smirk crossing her face as she let out a giggle. “Maybe you should consider that before opening your big mouth,” she said with amusement. She stepped closer to the palace, the doors opening unbidden as it was clear they were expected. She wasn’t sure if the stiffness in her back and shoulders was from nervousness from this ‘Princess Celestia’ or something else but dismissed it as nerves.