“Shit,” Durin lobbed a fireball at a pale Ghoul. “Shit,” He sliced the bloated head off a Rotfiend. “Shit shit-” He thrust his sword’s tip into the gut of a Devourer, the pointy-nosed hag coughing up blood as he continued to sprint ahead through the hills and grass, using her as a battering ram. After tossing her body aside and stomping over multiple bodies, he kept running. “-Shit!” He finished.

‘The one fucking time I needed a mount, on the one fucking night I was hoping I wouldn’t need to worry about, on the ONE FUCKING NIGHT THE WORLD GOES INTO FUCKING MASTER MODE!!’ He roared as he let his pistol fire off his rage at the monsters ahead and all around him. ‘If Master Mode is what I think it is, than this entire fucking world just got worse.’ He grit his teeth, and pushed further ahead. He wasn’t close enough to wherever Tora was. Not by a longshot.

He willed his Cell Phone to his free hand, using his Witcher’s Silver Sword in the other to hack and slash anything too close. He was easily a good few miles away still. He looked ahead, eyes contracting for a moment. 'Still too far to make much out, all I can see are explosions and shit...' He cursed. 'Damn that bitch for sending me here so early...' As his eyes returned to normal, he sent the Phone back to his Inventory, held out his palm, and closed his eyes. ‘Not the smartest thing to do in this situation, but I need to move fast, so fuck it!’ Focusing on his Will, he tried to imagine what little he recalled about how time actually worked. Slowly, a golden, ethereal clock formed in his palm. Opening his eyes suddenly, he thrust his palm outward…

...And skipped a second ahead in time, effectively making him phase forward in the eyes of others. He grinned.

“Fucking sweet,” A collection of growls and roars around him reminded him he had little time to congratulate himself, however, and he shook his head, returning to his sprint.

‘Please be alright, you guys…’

Things were just barely alright. Abe had taken a good few slashes all over his body from the bat-like creatures - once more proving how deadly their claws were - before he smashed them into paste. His elbow in particular seemed to be weeping some sort of magical, rainbow blood, but Tora had little time to help the poor giant.

Her armor had taken more than a few ‘nicks’ and she was bleeding profusely from her previous run-in with her first ‘Bat-fuck’ as she’d taken to calling them.

They’d made it to the town square, but the guards seemed to have either retreated from there, or fallen into the cold embrace of death on its cobbles.

Another hag came rushing for Tora, and was shot through the throat with a bolt and bullet from Gabe, the ammo well-spent considering the danger these fucking cunts posed up-close.

“HOW Y’ HOLDIN’ UP, ABE?! KINDA BLEEDIN’ HERE, BUT OTHER THAN THAT I’M APPLES!” Tora called out to the giant as she put Gabe on her back and drew a knife and her Tungsten Shortsword, baring them with a snarl on her face as she faced down the incoming monsters.

Swinging with his uninjured arm, he reduced most of them to yet more splats of blood and fleshy paste, before going back to holding his wounded arm. “Arm feel...tingly. Like tiny...stuff stabbing it.”

“Barbs or somethin’, then, maybe venom - er, bad spit that hurts ya from th’ inside,” Tora explained to him, dodging a swipe from a zombie and jamming her knife up through its lower jaw. “Either that, or you’re bleedin’ out - losin’ all that red water in ya...if y’ have any, that is.”

She looked back at him briefly. Definitely not a normal color of red. Abe soon slammed a fist down on another ‘Bat-fuck’, then scraped its guts off on his side. “Meanies squishy.”

“An’ that’s a good thing, cuz it means th’ mean beasties can die easier! Th’ crunchy ones are th’ real pains in th’ ass t’ kill,” Tora replied, ripping the arm off a bat-fuck and beating it to death with its own arm. She then proceeded to do the same with another monster’s spine to express her immense displeasure with this rude and completely unwanted malicious onslaught.

Abe seemed to have had enough with the bats. He was now taking chunks from the ground and tossing them into swarms of the things.

Naturally, those swarms simply either jumped over or out of the way, or rendered the uprooted cobblestone to shreds with their claws.

“O-oi! Abe! No throwy th’ ground! Uh, big rocks crush nice people’s sleeping spots, maybe with nice people still inside! Throw small rocks! They hit meanies but no hit nice people!” Tora warned the giant as she dodged a swipe from yet another bat-fuck.

Abe didn't really get all of that over the fighting. He still saw the rocks do nothing, and instead made a furious roll and charged with surprising speed at the things.

This did something, finally, the creatures screaming as they were plowed into the side of a building - what Tora recognized as Town Hall, no less. This was followed by many other screams. Pony screams.

“ABE STOP!” Tora yelled, sprinting on all fours after the giant.

Abe ignored the call, eyes narrowing. Now that he had the bats in front of him, Abe gave them a nice big hug.

Predictably, they shrieked as they were crushed, and soon after, they all seemed to almost explode into a shower of gore. However, when Abe was wiping himself off, he looked up to see pony guards with crossbows trained on him from within a glowing, purple shield.

“CALM YER FUCKIN’ TITS, Y’ WANKERS! TH’ BIG BLOKE DON’T MEAN Y’ NO HARM!” Tora all but screamed as she ran between Abe’s legs and leapt up onto his shoulder. “He’s a good bloke! Jus’...he’s like an ankle-biter up in th’ head!”

The guards all looked at each other, before a new voice echoed. “Listen to her!” said a buttery yellow mare as she flew up to one.

“But Lady Fluttersh-!” the guard tried to say, but she gave him a hard look that silenced him. He grit his teeth. “Very well. Stand down, men!” he called. Soon, all of them lowered their crossbows.

“Thank you, Silver Star,” she said kindly, before looking to Abe and Tora. “Hello there, Mister….Oh, um, I don’t think I got your name.”

"Abe… is… Abe…" Abe said, rather redundantly.

“She… little yellow wingy pony just met ya. She didn’t know yer name ‘til just now,” Tora helpfully tried to explain.

Fluttershy giggled. “It’s alright.” She looked to Abe. “So, Abe and…” She looked to Tora. “...Tora, right? I think I heard Vinyl and Octavia talk about you.” She frowned. “Are they not with you? Are they okay?”

“Yeah, an’...no, I haven’t seen th’ sheilas since th’ screamin’ started,” Tora admitted with a wince. “There was an undead dickhead in their room…”

Abe looked at Tora. "What… dickhead?" He innocently asked. Not this again.

“A meanie. A VERY mean meanie.”

Fluttershy cleared her throat. “Y-Yes. Anyway, how did you two meet?”

“Flutters! Not the time! We got more guys comin’ in from all sides!” a scratchy voice called from below.

Hearing this, Abe turned, gave a roar, and charged at the meanies.

Tora yelped and jumped off of him before his charging sent her tumbling off of him and into the middle of some monster gangbang, landing as a cat always does: On her feet, and elbow deep in a motherfucker’s chest cavity.

That was when a thunderous cry rang out, and Tora and Abe looked to the northern street to see something ghastly. Skeletons. Heavily armored skeletons. With many weapons, and a good few of different sizes. Tora even noted with fearful eyes that many had guns. One in the back, a skeleton that looked the same size as Abe, and possibly once of his own kind, led the pack. He even wielded two massive blades, ones that almost looked like ancient five-in-one tools lengthened into fully functioning swords.

“Buck!” Silver Star swore. “You two! We’ll draw the main force’s attention and deal with those!” He pointed to a crowd of regular pony zombies, as well as more ‘Bat-fucks’ and ghoulish creatures and hags. “You two deal with the big boney guy!”

“Gotcha!” Tora yelled back, then ripped her arm out of the zombie she’d landed on and charged at the skeletal horde, using her Tungsten shortsword to stab through skulls and spines alike along with her knives in a whirlwind of blades and angry yowls.

Abe simply battered all in his way aside, crashing into his skeletal counterpart with all his mass and speed.

The massive skeleton, strangely, took the hit, and slammed the hilts of its blades into Abe’s shoulders, then roared in his face. Abe roared back, swinging his good arm up into the bottom of the enemy giants jaw.

“KEEP HITTING THE DICKHEAD, ABE!” Tora shouted as she bashed a skeleton’s forehead into bonemeal, then parried and riposted a sneaky skeleton’s axe.

With a renewed energy, Abe proceeded to roar and wail on the larger skeleton viciously. The giant skeleton tried to block the hits with its massive ulna’s, but the assault was taking its toll, the bones cracking under the pressure.

However…

That was when the first volley came. A hail of bullets stormed its way towards Tora, Abe, and the ponies trying to divert the forces surrounding them, all from the skeleton’s armed with guns. More screams ripped through the air as Tora took two shots to either shoulder, one to the lower ribs, Abe took dozens to his injured and uninjured arms as well as his legs and chest, and the guards whom had ventured out to fight were mowed down, said guards falling with weighty thuds.

Abe, filled with energy, managed to ignore the bullets as he continued his task of bashing the giant skeleton in front of him.

Tora, meanwhile, grit her teeth as she pushed herself back up to her feet and kicked at the chest of the nearest boney fuck, caving its ribs in and following it up with a roundhouse kick to the face, “I’LL TEACH YOU T’ FUCKIN’ SHOOT ME IN TH’ FUCKIN’ SHOULDERS, YA COCKSUCKERS!”

Two magical beams, one purple, one blue, plowed through the bloody sky, then split into smaller beams, slamming into the horde. Hags, ghouls, and the bat-like creatures, as well as the skeletons, roared as they were pelted with the beams.

Soon after, a rainbow contrail zipped past Tora, slamming into the nearest enemy and several more, before it was revealed to be Rainbow Dash.

CRACKOOM

A literal cannonball came next, shrieking towards the giant skeleton...Only for it to roar, bash Abe back a few steps, and slice it in half, the two ends slamming explosively into the cobbled streets.

Once more it roared, but louder, echoing across the whole town. Not long after, lightning struck all over, along with magical, ethereal and golden blades springing up around it before shooting outwards, cracking the purple shield. Lightning struck near Tora, on Abe, and all over the battlefield, even striking other monsters.

However, the beast was not done.

Roaring again, it slammed its blades into Abe, leaving deep gashes in his hide. Then, with the edges hooked in Abe’s stoney flesh, the skeleton lifted him up and tossed him into a nearby house.

“Shit, Abe!” Tora called out to the giant, then snapped her gaze to the skeleton with a snarl that failed to hide her nervousness.

It’s baleful, glowing blue eyes glared back at her, seeming to almost mock her defiance.

“FUCK! YOU! You WORTHLESS sack of DOGGY CHEWTOYS!” Tora spat, baring her blades at the giant skeleton in an admittedly futile gesture of defiance and anger.

It raised one of its blades...and another hail of bullets came. One to the elbow. One to the left leg. One to the right knee. One to her ear. The rest, thankfully, went wide.

Tora screamed as the bullet to her ear ripped off the entire top half in a spout of gore, but ground her teeth together and channeled that pain and anger into a shrill battlecry that ripped its way out of her throat as she charged the massive skeleton.

A cleaver to her gut stopped her, and she looked in cold, morbid shock to the eyes of another skeleton, a unicorn one, with it’s pale white horn aglow with red magic along with the cleaver in her gut. The eyes were just as baleful and blue as the giant’s. Cold. Unforgiving.

She stabbed its skull with a Tungsten Shortsword up through its lower jaw and into what would be its brain case, “Fuck you, too, shithead.”

Then she shakily reached for the cleaver and weakly pushed it out of her chest, then fell onto her back, wheezing as the last of the air in her now-punctured lungs left through the gashes in the precious organs and out the gaping slit in her chest.

‘So...this is how I fuckin’ cark it. Not in some big fuckin’ blaze o’ glory, but as another damn grave these poor pony bastards are gonna have t’ bury. Heh. Just my luck. Well...least Durin’ll show up an’ save Tavi an’ Vin,’ Tora thought to herself as she felt the last pint of blood necessary to survive left her body, and her breathing stopped.

Only, it wasn’t all that stopped. The horde, the ponies, it all stopped. Everything seemed...different. She couldn’t move either, but she knew she was still alive. Somehow.

Comatose, maybe? She didn’t fucking know, but she did know that this particular form of existence sucked balls.

That was when someone appeared in a blur of motion. Someone she recognized, his eagle medallion jingling as he crouched next to her. His mouth was moving, but she couldn’t hear anything but white noise.

‘Mind shutting th’ fuck up? Havin’ an existential nightmare here, an’ I’d like to spend th’ rest of it in peace before I cark it an’ go t’ whatever awaits me.’

A bottle appeared in the man’s hand, golden and winged. He popped the cap off, then splashed its contents all over her. Then, he raised his other hand, swept it over her with it’s golden glow, and she could move. Her wounds had healed, as well, save for her ear, which, whilst closed, was still torn. Her mind wasn’t foggy anymore, however.

“...Y’ really know how to deny a sheila even th’ sweet embrace of death, y’know that?”

The only response she got was a bear hug from Durin.

“Ribs! Ribs, fuckin’ RIBS ARE STILL SORE AS A FUCKING ROO’S COOTER YA DRONGO!” Tora hissed and glared at the Witcher angrily.

Durin pulled back, and she saw tears in his eyes. “I...sorry, I...I thought I’d lost one of the only semblances of friends I had left…”

“...Just fuckin’ go an’ murder th’ fuck outta these sorry cocksuckers, eh?” Tora asked, weakly slugging him in the shoulder before letting her head fall back down onto the ground, still too weak to really move worth a damn. “Mind proppin’ me up t’ see th’ bloodbath?” Durin nodded and did so. “Thaaanks, mate.”

Durin smiled, and, in a surprising show of care, gently scratched her still okay ear. “Anytime...Tora.”

Tora huffed derisively, but that did nothing to hide the tiny smile on her muzzle, “Oh, an’ just a heads-up: Th’ giant that looks like th’ big skelly over there but with flesh an’ shite is a friend named Abe, short for ‘Abi-yo-yo.’ Speak nice an’ slow an’ dumb fer ‘im or he won’t understand fuck-all, eh?”

Durin blinked, looking over to Abe’s form. “You made friends with a Troll? Damn.” Standing up, Durin summoned both his Silver Sword and his Hero Sword. “Guess I have a lot to catch up on, then.”

“Mhmm, now get t’ murderin’, slave! Chop chop!”

Durin chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Only yours, Tora.” He said with a smirk, before time resumed, and in that instant, Durin’s arms glowed with fire and lightning, and strikes of fireballs - if only small ones - and lightning spread across the battlefield, along with Durin blurring in and out of motion, limbs and much more flying as his blades sung with vengeance. What little was exposed of his skin bore small, glowing white lines.

Tora was too busy dealing with her brain melting from Durin’s little ‘only yours’ quip to really give much internal commentary on his fighting or glowing veins beyond ‘holy fucking cunt-munching shit, what th’ fuck did he just say before going off t’ murder th’ fuck outta th’ beasties fer me?’”

A familiar blue pegasus flew up to her. “Hey, what the heck happened? Who is that guy? Are you okay?”

Tora blinked, then responded in the order of the pegasus’ questions, “Got fuckin’ cleavered in th’ gut after bein’ shot, so I kinda died but didn’t cuz o’ this golden potion thing that was poured down m’ throat; his name is Durin, kinda th’ guy who killed th’ fucking giant peeper in Las Pegashit or whatever; and yeah, I think so.”

“Oh, and, uh, if you or yer mates attack ‘im,” Tora said, lashing out with a paw to wrap around Rainbow’s throat and yank the pegasus so that their muzzles were smooshed together and so that the pegasus got a reeeeal good angle of the absolutely pants-shittingly murderous look in her eyes. “I’ll fuckin’ use all o’ ya as throw rugs or m’ next set of bathrobes. Capiche?”

Rainbow, surprisingly, was unfazed, despite her throat being held. “Okay, so you and him are close, noted, noted. Mind lettin’ go?”

“Wh- YA FOKKING WOT, MATE?!” Tora yowled furiously with burning cheeks, but nonetheless let go of Rainbow. “Say that again an’ I’LL FUCKING EAT YER WINGS LIKE FRIED CHICKEN!”

Rainbow smirked, crossing her forelegs over her barrel as she hovered back. “Suuure. You do that, lover-girl.” With that, Rainbow zipped off to rejoin the fight.

“...I am havin’ Vin replace all o’ that cunt’s toiletries with itching powder an’ superglue,” Tora nodded to herself, murderous intent radiating off of her with such intensity that even the rubble near her seemed to nervously roll away from her slightly.

A roar from the giant skeleton alerted her to the fight once more, where she saw Durin on its head, slamming a strange, gilded hammer into its face over and over again as it flailed, having dropped its weapons.

“Huh. Wonder where he got th’ fuckin’ fancy gavel,” Tora wondered aloud as she felt some strength return to her legs - enough for her to adjust her position to be more comfortable.

When the giant managed to toss During off, he grabbed a white, silky string tied to the edge of the hammer, and tossed it and its hook into the giant’s eye socket, yanking to pull himself back on and continue wailing.

Tora was content to watch this go on...up until she remembered that Abe was a thing/person that existed, and promptly turned her gaze in the direction she’d seen the poor biggun get tossed in.

Rainbow blood oozed out of all the injuries he’d taken, most prominently the twin slashes he’d taken before falling. He wasn’t moving.

Tora crawled over to him and started shaking his foot, “Hey...Abe, wake th’ fuck up. Th’ meanies are still tryin’ t’ hurt the nice ponies.”

“Stay back!” Fluttershy warned as she rushed over with speed not unlike Rainbow’s. A medic’s bag was on her back, and she swiftly stopped to hover over the Troll. Despite the obvious unease she felt at seeing so much blood, whether it was a different color or not, she remained stalwart and called back to the remaining line of guards, “Somepony get Rarity! I need cloth, NOW!”

A group of guards charged forward through the line of monsters, Rarity between them. With bodies being left in their wake, they stopped by Tora, and Rarity rushed over. She winced as she saw the wounds. “I’ll see what I can find, dear.” Opening her saddlebags, she unfurled large rolls of cloth, and lifted them up to Fluttershy magically, who promptly went about wrapping Abe up to at least try and slow the bleeding.

Rarity then turned to the other guards. “Set up a perimeter around here! Don’t let any of them get through!”

“Ma’am!” they all chorused before galloping off to take strategic and defensive positions around the street.

Rainbow soon zipped over, blood dripping from her hooves and apparent wingblades, the mare looking at Abe’s body and wincing. “Oof. Reminds me of the test we had to take.”

Fluttershy didn’t reply, simply continuing her work. “I’m just glad the poor thing’s organs aren’t falling out.”

Rainbow winced again. “Yeeeah, I wouldn’t be too happy seeing that again.” She looked around. “Where’s Pinks?”

BOOM

All eyes looked to the sound to see the collection of skeleton gunners get blown to pieces. This was followed by a secondary BOOM and a cannonball landing right in the middle of a charging group of bat-fucks that had been heading for the street.

“She’s staying back, giving fire support,” Rarity answered.

Rainbow blinked her eyes. “Can see that now.”

“Oh, y’ can see that now? Were y’ blind for a couple o’ seconds there, sheila?” Tora called out, sarcasm BLEEDING from her voice.

Rainbow grunted. “Shut up, Tora.”

“Nah, get fucked, kaleidoscope-hair!”

Rainbow blinked, looking to the feline. “...The buck does kaleidoscope mean?”

“...Yer all a bunch’a savages, I fuckin’ swear,” Tora grumbled, but spoke up again. “IT MEANS YER HAIR LOOKS LIKE TH’ OUTCOME OF A BAD DRUG TRIP!”

Rainbow blinked again, then growled, zipping over to Tora and getting in her face. “Say that again. I dare you.” She brandished her wingblades. Thankfully, Rarity grabbed her and pulled her back.

“Now now, Rainbow, none of that. We’re in the midst of a fight, and she’s injured as can be,” Rarity chided.

“Yup! High as a fuckin’ kite right now, prolly th’ potion or whatever. Also, good t’ know yer hair is a sore spot, tie-dye,” Tora snickered with her rather dilated amber eyes. “Also, look where yer barrel was.”

Rainbow and Rarity looked down, seeing Gabe’s barrel aimed straight at Rainbow’s heart. Naturally, Rainbow started to struggle in Rarity’s hold. “Let me go, let me go! I can’t just let her get away with calling me that! My rep’s at stake here!”

A resounding crash and a cloud of dust interrupted any response any of them could have, and they all looked to the sound to find the giant skeleton’s skull in pieces, along with most of its ribs. Durin hopped off its now dead body, dismissing his hammer as he walked over.

“Starting a fight again, eh Tora?” he asked, smirking.

“Ah, fuck off, y’ hairless chimp. High off m’ fluffy arse from whateva was in th’ potion y’ crammed down m’ gob,” Tora replied, carelessly waving Gabe around with her dismissive hand motions...with a finger still on the trigger.

Durin frowned. “Noticed. Didn’t think it would have that effect, though.”

Rarity frowned herself, letting go of Rainbow - whom had thankfully calmed down - and walking closer to Tora. Sniffing, she blinked, then looked to Durin. “Did that potion have catnip in it?”

Durin opened his mouth to speak...then closed it. “...Inventory.” He said, and his screen opened up. Ignoring the cries of alarm from the ponies (and Tora’s stoned giggles), he took the bottle from before out and inspected it, squinting his eyes. Which then widened as he saw a label on it. “...’Contains traces of Elder Catnip and Hussyfootinium.” He groaned. “Fucking Fable jokes,” he said as he tossed the empty bottle behind him.

“Heeheehee, if y’ wanted t’ drug me fer a good time, y’ coulda juuus’...zzzzz…” Tora trailed off into a snore, her upper torso slumping to the ground as the poor tigress fell asleep.

Durin sighed. “Right, well, if you guys don’t mind, I’d like you to look after her. I’ll go take care of the other monsters-”

A fog creeps into the area…

Durin went ramrod straight. “...FUCK!”

Sorry for the wait, my lovelies, but the chapter is finally here! I hope the wait wasn't too long for you all. There were some issues on our ends, but thankfully they have been resolved.

However, I figured that since it took so long, we might as well have you all hear from my co-writers.

Nova: Hello, Nova_Eclipse here. Been some time hasn’t it, lovelies? Rest assured, we’ll be slaving away at the keyboards for no wage at all in no time...give or take a few months.

Rezas: cough years cough

*Rolls eyes at Rezas.*

Nova: Tora and co- sorry, DURIN and Tora and co will be in for ssssooo much FAHN!

Indeed! Next chapter is going to feature a favorite monster of ours, so I hope you all enjoy it!

Now, for anyone wondering about the swords the Hollow Man Troll used, this is what they look like, albeit the picture is much shorter than the actual weapons.

We sincerely hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and we thank you all for reading!

-Timeless Lord Slayer, Rezas, and Nova_Eclipse