Applejack and Lumberman sprinted down through the orchard, afraid of what they would find. The real concern was that the hashing it out between the two had turned into duking it out. And while Chris might not be as defenseless as his demeanor would seem, what could he hope to do to a unicorn that rivaled an alicorn?

The source of the smoke came into view, and all the questions that would have to be asked slowed their sprint down to a winding halt.

"Applejack?" Lumberman asked in bewilderment. "Please tell me what I'm looking at is normal for this part of the farm."

It took another moment to try and piece together just what they were looking at as they stood next to a tiki torch that had its flames reaching up and was slowly burning a kite that was left dangling from a tree overhead.

"Not even close," Applejack blankly answered."I was hoping you could explain this one ta me."

Before them lay a mess of impossible proportions. The first item to greet them was a tall birdbath, still overflowing with water that spilled out into the grass. Behind that was a round dining table with playing cards laid out in a block formation. Some had been flipped, but most remained face down. There were two chairs at the table. One had the legs pressed into the soil, and the other had been tipped over. Above all of that mess ran a string of blinking Christmas lights. One strand of the lights had been strung around an oversized painting of Celestia, which was placed to face the table.

With great caution, the pair of perplexed friends moved in closer.

"Well," Applejack called over to Lumberman as they approached the disaster. "- if I'm not mistaken. That birdbath belongs to Fluttershy. The dining table and portrait and chairs had ta come from Twilight's castle."

"And the lights?"

"Pinkie Pie, if I had to guess."

This was too odd, even for a world of magical talking ponies and dragons. Lumberman needed answers. "Chris! Where you at?!"

"Starlight!" Applejack joined in the search. "What in tarnation did you do to my trees!"

Starlight's slurs barely made themselves audible from behind the portrait. "Less see thoz... big... habby smiles..." She hiccuped in the cutest way you would expect a cartoon pony to if she were drunk.

For Lumberman, there was no mistaking what that slurred speech meant. "Awe, Jesus Christ..."

"What? What's going on?" Applejack asked, ironically not recognizing the degraded speech patterns she had with her first bout of drinking.

"She's drunk," Lumberman bluntly stated, disappointed in what had to be some failure on Chris's part.

Starlight's voice again spoke up, a little louder this time. "Criz... Cris. Giddy yup. Wur gonna-" another hiccup interrupted her demands - "be late fer Pinkie."

Whatever Starlight had said, raised just as many red flags as it did questions. Applejack started to maneuver her way around the obviously stolen items to see what shenanigans were taking place on her property. "What the world is going on back he-" She stopped dead in her tracks.

Lumberman was following close behind and was afraid to see what terrors awaited him around the corner. "Apples, are they okay back... there?"

Hidden away from all prying eyes sat a site for the ages. Kites were strung up in the trees. Well over a dozen of them with all their strings crisscrossed between the branches. Many of them crossed their lines of an ice sculpture of Sniff and Princess Celestia in wedding attire, like that of a cake topper. It would have been a beautiful work of art, had it not been for the bottle of Grey Goose jutting out of Sniff's ice crotch, somehow frozen in place.

Of course, how could they not acknowledge the confetti? Piles of confetti stacked up in heaps and bags were tossed around trays of cupcakes and other pastries. There had to have been half of SugarCube Corners daily stock of baked goods there. With all the delicious treats that were available, it was unclear why there were three sticks with their own entire bag of marshmallows burnt onto them. As in, they stuck the bag on the end of a stick and tried to toast the package along with all the marshmallows.

Then the crème de la crème. An array of Rarity's model pony figures surrounded Chris, each defaced with makeup and dressed inappropriately. Chris himself was passed out on what used to be a triple stacked birthday cake and was hugging a mailbox painted with Rainbow Dash's cutie mark. Not only that, he was wearing what looked to be a pony-sized cowboy outfit made for someone less than half his size with just his boxers. Such a wardrobe came complete with not only the chaps, spurs, and a cowboy hat; it even had a saddle that had been strapped to his back where Starlight was still sitting and mumbling incoherently with half a bottle of vodka cradled in her lap. Even she was dressed up for the occasion, sporting a lovely crown of friendship and a pair of cardboard cutout purple wings that were tied around her shoulders with kite string. It was a masterpiece of debauchery gone wrong.

"Life iz so gran en are town..." More drunken muttering from the unicorn.

Lumberman couldn't take his eyes off the display, even as he reached out for his mare companion. "Applejack?"

"Uh, huh..."

"Don't touch them. Don't wake them. And don't move anything... I'll be right back."

"Uh, huh..."

Still trying to understand what lunacy must have transpired, Applejack sat down in the damp grass and contemplated all her life choices. Never again would she leave these two unsupervised on her property. Maybe even recommend a community watch group to be formed.

It was unclear how many minutes it had taken, but Lumberman returned with his truck, carefully maneuvering through the tree lines to Chris's drunken disaster. Parking a safe distance away, Lumberman ran back to Applejack's side.

She was so glad to have him back again, waiting there watching them and not knowing what was going on was driving her crazy. "Thank goodness, yer back-"

"Shh... quiet," Lumberman instructed.

"Sorry," Applejack apologized under a hush. "What's going on? What do you need your truck for?"

Lumberman pulled out a small black shiny object. Something that looked a lot like the one Chris used to show them the show about their lives. "Kelly left her phone in my truck to charge. No one is going to believe any of this unless I got pics to prove it."

"Oh. That. I see. You need-" On second thought, that made no sense to Applejack. "What 'da ya mean pics?"

The answer came as soon as Lumberman held up the small object in front of his face and a flash of light shot out. Lumber pressed something on the black device and then held it for Applejack to see. It was a picture of Starlight's face tilted up and her mouth left open.

"What in the..." If Lumberman thought they were fine enough to mess with like this, then she was game too. "How many pictures can we take?"

Lumberman grinned deviously.

Sniff sat down his cup of coffee and placed his elbows on his thighs while he sat across from Twilight, struggling to explain his point. "It's a meritocracy even if the majority of positions of power are held by men. Just because there is an imbalance of power and authority, doesn't make it a patriarchy."

"How can you say that? You can't even name one female in a position of authority where you come from." Twilight countered.

"Because I never learned their names. And- Okay, you know what? Fine. I come from a patriarchal based society but denounce the system. Unlike me, you come from a matriarchal based society and don't even challenge it." Sniff responded harshly, dropping his hands down before going for another gulp of his coffee.

Twilight's eyes widened, and her nostrils flared as she drew a deep breath in from her nose. "That is just not true. We value every creature by their skills and attitudes-"

"Name one predominate male figurehead of authority."

"Prince Rutherford. The ruler of Yakyakistan," Twilight proudly announced.

"Yakyakistan? Is that a city or another part of the kingdom in Equestria?"

"Yakyakistan is its own country to the north of-"

Sniff moved to facepalm but restrained himself. "A predominate male figurehead of authority in your own kingdom, Twilight. You can't prove that you don't live in matriarchal society by pointing to one you don't belong to."

"He's got ya there, Twilight," Spike pointed out to the Princess.

"Err-I... Oh! Prince Blueblood. The great, great, great- "Twilight realized that they had been going at this for some time now, and there was no need to cover all the 'greats' individually. - "Uh, he's the great-nephew of Princess Celestia and Luna. Between fifty and fifty-four times removed."

Spike rolled his eyes, disapproving of the ego-centric stallion from all the stories he's heard of him.

Sniff drummed his fingers on the armrest, beating them against the fabric rhythmically. "Okay... What's he in charge of or rule over?"

So much for hoping there would be no follow up questions. Time to see if she could dance her way out of this one. "Well, he doesn't so much rule over-"

"He's not even a real prince, so he doesn't rule over anything," Spike answered for her. "He's technically more of a Duke. But you'd swear he was the king of the world for how full of himself he is."

"Spike!" Twilight raised her voice to the small dragon. "You're not even trying to help me on this. I don't have a lot of time left to end this debate so we can move onto the next topic."

That seemed like just as good of an opportunity as any for Sniff to drop some knowledge on Twilight. "Uh, Twiggels? You've been out of time. This was supposed to end thirty minutes ago."

"What?" - Twilight turned to the nearest clock in her library - "You'll have to forgive me. I must have lost track of time."

"No sweat, Princess. I actually enjoyed our conversation. As frustratingly difficult as you made it out to be at times."

Twilight chuckled at his compliment. "Well, you're no intellectual light-weight, yourself. I... don't get to have these kinds of conversations very often. Not since -" Twilight paused to try and think just how long it had been since she was surrounded by enough studious ponies to have these kinds of debates - "Wow... Not since I moved here to Ponyville."

"Not a lot of nerds out this way?" Sniff joked.

"Ha, ha," Twilight playfully mocked him. "And no... Not really."

Sniff's experience with women let him pick up on that unspoken message she sent him. She was bored and growing stagnant being so isolated from her peers. She wanted some company like his but found some broken logic to talk herself out of it.

"Used to be lots of people I could talk to like this, back home, I mean. I guess I kinda miss it, too," That came out a little too fluid for Sniff, he would have to pull back on that and not leave himself too open around her.

That brief moment that Sniff let slip Twilight picked up on as soon as she heard it. Maybe this was something she could use to help smooth the rough edges that had been established between them. "You know," - Twilight closed up one of her notepads and tucked it away with another stack of books before turning back to Sniff - "if you just want to come by to converse with me, I can always make time for a friend just to chat with for a while."

There was no reason not to at least humor the idea, so Sniff gave a soft yes in his own way. "I might just take you up on that."

Twilight smiled, pleased to have ended with such a pleasant exchange. For Sniff, however, it was time to start his day with his new dragon companion.

"Ready to go, Spike?" Sniff called over to his guide but was surprised to discover that in the few short minutes it took to finish up his discussion with Twilight, the young drake had fallen to sleep on his cushion. He was curled up and soundly snoozing. "... guess not. Hey, Twiggels?" - He turned back to Twilight - "You sure he's not more like a five-year-old in pony years?"

She lowered her head and tried to cover her laugh as best she could. As soon as she recovered, she gave him her best answer. "Sometimes, it's really hard even for me to tell. He's stuck somewhere between being the strong, brave, and independent dragon he's shown himself to be, but still the sweet little baby dragon that I've always loved him as."

"That's gotta be rough," Sniff replied, offering his sympathies. "For both of you, I mean."

Two honks from outside the castle put their conversation on hold. It would appear that Lumberman had decided to make a trip over.

Twilight faced the source of the trucks noises. "What was that?"

"Sounds like Lumberman decided to drive over. I wonder what's up with him. I figured he would be with the Apple ponies all day."

With perfect timing, a pegasus guard flew up to an open window and entered the library, landing before his Princess to kneel. "Princess Twilight. Mr. Sniff. Our new guest Mr. Lumberman has arrived with his companion Chris, as well as Applejack and Starlight. They have requested both of your assistance."

"Is something wrong? Please don't tell me one of them is hurt." Twilight started to panic out loud.

"Ah, no. I don't believe so," The guard explained. "Also, Mr. Lumberman told me to relay the message, ‘Chris and Starlight got flocked up.’ He said you would understand, Mr. Sniff."

"Flocked up? Ponies don't flock together. Birds do-" Twilight walked over to Sniff, looking up to him for an explanation. "What does that mean? Flocked up?"

Sniff lowered his head in shame, knowing full well what Lumberman meant. "It means, that Chris got drunk off his ass drinking vodka. He needs help taking care of him now."

"I still don't really understand," Twilight stated, trying to decipher if they were using poor Ponish or just more human slang. "Isn't drink and drunk the same thing?"

"Not in this context. Follow me. I'll explain on the way down."

A short walk down and a crash course in alcohol abuse later, the two emerged through the large double doors to greet the new arrivals. Lumberman and Applejack were already out and waiting in front of the truck. Lumberman stood leaning against the hood with his arms crossed. His expression said that he was laughing on the inside, but his posture told them he was upset. Applejack, however, sat next to Lumberman with her head down and the brim of her hat hiding a guilty smile.

"So..." Sniff broke the ice. "How are things?"

Lumberman shook his head. "Dude... I don't even know where to begin with this bull shit."

Sniff could only guess. "That bad, huh? -" Snif noticed the bed of Lumberman's truck was full of new items and one huge painting - "And what's with all that?"

Applejack chuckled uncontrollably. "Don't feel bad, there, Sniffie. We didn't get the invites neither."

The rear passenger door opened and Chris stepped out, immediately losing his footing and tripping on the way out, spinning around the door on his exit.

"Damn it, Chris," Lumberman scolded his friend. "I said we're going home. Get back in the... god damn it."

Sniff didn't know if he should be entertained or frightened. "The fuck is Chris wearing?"

Chris pulled himself up and closed his door like it was his first time working a door. "No. You said we'd see the castle. Twilight lives here. So we can go inside. Undless she'z mad at me still. Then we have tuh ask first-" he started to walk up to the others, but stumbled again and fell hard, shoulder first into the side of the truck - "But she lives here so we can ask her. I'll ask fur you cause I know... Hi Twilight. Can I see your house?"

For being such a sloppy drunk, he still managed to be just articulate enough to have his words understood.

For Twilight, this was a whole new way to see a human. It was funny to see him move with so little coordination, but still a bit frightening to see such a drop in another's motor and communication skills. "So this is what happens when a human drinks too much?"

"Not just humans," Lumberman answered.

As if on queue, the rear driver's side window rolled down, and Starlight stuck her head out. "Chris!" She shouted way too loud for how close they all were together. "You fergot ur hat!"

With a flash and a pop, the cowboy hat reappeared on Chris's head. It was grossly off-center, and he had to readjust it, but at least now he had the whole look complete again.

"Thank you!" He shouted back just as loud as he worked his way around the front of the truck to join the others. Once he got there and was able to stand on his own without leaning on the truck, he locked eyes with Sniff. "Hey!" He pointed to his head. "Starlight got me a hat."

Sniff eyed him up and down. "And all the rest of the Brokeback Mountain costume. Looking sharp there, cowboy."

"Brokeback-" As soon as Chris got the reference, he fell back into the grill of the truck laughing.

Starlight popped her head out of the passenger side window and called out for her new best friend. "Chris! Show 'em the new hat I got chu!"

"I'm wearn et!" He shouted back with bated breath.

"Yeah! Put et on-" Starlight stood up so she could point her hoof to her head, but with her loss of balance, she fell forward and fell face first out the window - "Wah!"

Trying to save herself, Starlight flashed out to teleport safely to the ground with the others in front of the truck. However, she instead appeared at least two feet over the hood of the truck and upside down. She tried to turn herself upright, but that only caused her to land on her side with her head hitting first. She collided with a thud and a grunt and slowly started to slide off. Her body noisily streaking the further she slid, further solidifying that the humans were indeed living in a world made for cartoon ponies.

"Starlight, look out!" Chris shouted three seconds after the fact.

"So, I'm assuming a felony took place," Sniff stated, as a joke. Trying to piece together whatever the post-tragedy of a morning was that he was watching.

"Hey, man," Lumberman spoke up, raising his hands defensively. "All I know these two drank about three bottles of Grey before throwing a... Word they won't let me say-"

"Party!" Chris shouted, throwing both fists in the air and falling back against the truck again.

"Party!" Starlight joined his cries for celebration as she rolled on her back and shot all four legs to the sky. "Pinkie Pie! Party time now!" She cried out before completely sliding off the hood of the truck and flopping to the ground with another comical grunt.

"Yeah. a party," Lumberman continued. "Thankfully, I got pictures, but even those don't really-"

The hood of the truck popped open, throwing Chris off and onto the ground. "Did somepony say party!" Pinkie shouted as she emerged from within the engine compartment.

"Pinkie!" Chris shouted in rejoice for her arrival.

"Pinkie!" Starlight called out from the ground below. "We tried to do the party without you. But Chris is Chris and Cris iss right-" She rolled over again and started to climb high enough to try and give Pinkie a hug. "-you har the truuuuue pardi pony So we need. No! We. Need!... Cris say we need you en he right."

Pinkie leaned forward, nervously accepting the clumsily given hug. "Uh, huh. That's me. Pinkie Pie, the one true party pony." She patted Starlight on the back for comfort when she noticed that she had started sobbing as soon as her forelegs were around Pinkie's neck. Pinkie looked to Twilight and shrugged, hoping for an explanation.

Twilight shrugged back with nothing to offer. Sniff followed suit, providing nothing to the pink party pony.

Starlight continued sobbing and started to apologize to Pinkie. "I'm sorry, Pinkie. I took some of yer party lights n a lot of confetti-" She pushed herself off to stare intensely into Pinkies eyes. "So much confetti!... But i candt do what you do -" She relaxed her arms and fell back into a hug with Pinkie and started to stroke her mane - "No pony can do what you do."

Pinkie started to feel uncomfortable, and it comically showed. "Uh..."

"No one can," Starlight whispered.

Lumberman was in no mood to try and interrupt anything Starlight felt compelled to do right now. He had far too much trouble with her once she woke up back at the orchard. She was adamant about finding a 'music apple' she had made and ended up levitating bunches of apples, testing them with her magic. Chris tried to help her by looking through a pile of apple cores, but in a fit of drunken rage, she blasted two of the barrels with an energy blast the likes befitting a Dragon Ball Z fight. He had since then developed a newfound respect and fear for magic users.

Remembering that fear, he could only watch and hope for the best. But watching her did allow him to see a long string of drool forming from her chin. He could see her entire mouth salivating rapidly.

"Hey, Apples. Ya might wanna step behind me," He cautioned her.

"What for?" Applejack questionably asked.

"Just trust me, please," He reinforced his plea as he guided her behind him. "Hey, Starlight. Sweety. We need to get you inside and give you some water. Are you feeling alright?"

Pinkie welcomed anything that would end this borderline creepy interaction and started to pull back from the sobbing unicorn. "Yeah, Starlight. I'm more than happy to party," - she pushed Starlight back far enough to see the drool trailing out her mouth and the heavy glaze over her eyes - "but I don't-"

Just a few seconds too late for Lumberman to intervene, Starlight projectile vomited. The stream of alcohol, cupcakes, and apple mash splashed over Pinkies neck and arms, trailing off down to the truck's grill and finally trickling off into the grass.

"Ahhhh!" Pinkie screamed as she flailed her hooves. "Ewie! Ewie! So gross! Get it off! Get it off! Ahhh!"

The scream summoned a swift response from the guards, who raced to the scene but also held fast as soon as they saw what the screaming was about.

Starlight's vomiting had come on so fast that she couldn't have prepared for it and felt now horrible. "Pinkie! I'm so sorry I didn't even know I was going to-"

All her panic and heightened nerves pushed her body over its limits, and she vomited again with even greater force. The stream fired out with divine accuracy, blasting Pinkie's chest and abdomen, as well as most of the engine compartment.

Lumberman had been fortunate enough to duck away after Starlight's first stream and was shielding Applejack. Sniff just watched in amazement as the tragedy unfurled itself before them.

Chris, in his drunken stupor, was trying to process what was happening. "Oh my god. I think Starlight's gonna be sick, guys."

"Uh! The smell!" Twilight screeched as she cringed. "Starlight! Are you-" she felt her stomach churn as the scent became stronger - "Oh, no. I think I'm gonna-"

Chris finally caught on that Starlight was already sick and went to the nearest source of help. "Twi. Hey, Twilight. Starlight had too much drink."

All the alcohol had finally caught up to Starlight, and she lost that feel-good buzz. She turned back to Twilight for help.

"Twilight, I don't feel so good."

The full spectacle of Starlight's mess she had made came into view for the Princess, and the inevitable consequences were billowing up into her throat already. She felt the fluid rise and tried to cup her mouth with her hoof, but the force was too much to hold in. Her stomach emptied itself into her mouth and pushed past her lips, spraying out the sides, nearly hitting Sniff, but splattered over Chris while he was crawling closer to her.

"Awe! No! Stahp!" Chris shouted as he was showered with Twilight's breakfast and bile. "Aw fuck-"

Pinkie watched in horror as Chris became the third to fall victim to the stomach purge.

"For the love of Celestia! Somepony make it stop!"

There was no fixing this situation. It was all going to have to play itself out. One bucket load at a time.

Pinkie tried to shake as much of the filth from her as she could, but then she started to hear something. It sounded muffled, like it was coming from underwater. It was music playing somewhere nearby. So close she could feel it playing. "What's going on?! Where's that music coming from?"

A previous mystery had just been solved.

"Uh, Starlight," Lumberman called out to the staggering mare. "I think I found your music apple you lost."

"Huh?" Pinkie squawked. "You mean?"

Pinkie raised her forelegs to her ears.

♫"Cuz I love to see you grin, grin, grin. Yes, I do!"♫

Pinkie flailed her hooves like her life depended on it and shrieked as her Smile song continued to play over her body.

Lumberman walked up another set of stairs carrying Starlight in his arms. "Which way, dude?" He asked the small dragon leading him through the hallways of the castle.

"Right in here," Spike answered, opening the door to a bathroom.

The two stepped inside. A large cushion-like mattress and a blanket had been set up next to the toilet, along with a pitcher of water and some crackers. Spike fluffed up the temporary recovery ward for the inebriated mare before Lumberman laid her down.

"Ugh... I'm dying. I can feel it," Starlight moaned.

Lumberman sighed, another drunk in his life he would be taking care of. "You're not dying. You just got too much alcohol in your system. Sip some water and snack on some crackers every once in a while. Don't chug the water, and don't try to eat too fast. Not unless you want to make yourself puke more."

Starlight cringed. "No. No more puking. No more anything."

This wasn't her fault. Not really. Her overindulgence wasn't much different than what he and his friends went through when they first started drinking.

"You're fine," He said, trying to comfort her. "This is good. Everybody needs to learn their limits. If anything, I'm gonna tear Chris a new one when he wakes up for letting you drink that much."

"No," Starlight moaned. "Chris said to stop and kept taking the bottles from me. I thought he'd like me more if we kept drinking... I made him mad at me last night, and now I made him sick trying to make things better."

"Why would drinking make you better friends?" Spike asked, interrupting the conversation. "Is that something humans do to make friends?"

"It..." Lumberman didn't think this was the time or place to get into such a conversation and decided to change the subject. "Let's talk about that later, bud. Right now, Starlight here needs some rest."

"If you say so," Spike agreed to his request and started to make his way out of the bathroom. "Feel better, Starlight."

"Thanks, Spike," She softly answered back, still feeling terrible, in more ways than one.

Lumberman stood up to excuse himself.

"You'll be fine and so will Chris-" He started to follow Spike out, but stopped to turn back and give Starlight a few parting words. "Just rest up, and don't worry about Chris being mad at you. But I-"

He stepped back out of the bathroom where Spike was waiting for him.

"Hey, I'll be down in a minute. You mind seeing if Twilight or any of them need anything for Chris?"

Spike saluted. "No problem. We'll be waiting for you down in the library. Holler if you need anything."

Lumberman waited for Spike to be far enough away before he had a more serious conversation with the downed mare.

"Alright, big brother talk. What you did was stupid. Very stupid. Not all your fault, because, like I said, you don't know your limits with alcohol, and if Chris didn't give you a proper warning beforehand, he should have. But I gotta know. How did you convince him to drink so much?"

The big brother talk was the right way of putting it; the way he spoke to her was emotionally intimidating. She averted her eyes and couldn't answer, leaving Lumberman to push further.

"Did you just ask, and he agreed? Threaten him? Maybe offer him something you shouldn't have?"

That was too many accusations to go unanswered. "No. Nothing like that. I asked him to drink with me because friends don't let friends drink alone. That's what Sniff said before. And maybe I bribed him with making more of those drinks you have."

"Is that where they came from?"

"Yeah... Don't tell anypony, though. Pretty sure it's illegal here... But what's another crime to a villain like me?"

Throwing a pity party wasn't going to win Lumberman over, but at least he could relate. "Hey, my past ain't so squeaky clean, and I made plenty of slip-ups along the way. But I ain't worried about your bootleg booze right now. Might actually ask for a few favors in the future if that's the case. Right now, I'm worried about my boy who drank two bottles to your half a bottle. Do I have to worry about you two hanging out in the future?"

"If he ever wants to see me again, you mean?" Starlight groaned miserably.

"Hey, Stars. You might not know my boy all that well, but even at his drunkest I've ever seen him, he'd never be caught dead wearing that cowboy get-up you had him in. Either he really likes you, or you did something to him."

While much of her memory was fuzzy still, she still remembered how that went down.

"Chris said, 'back home cowboys rode ponies, but in Soviet Equestria, pony ride cowboy'. I don't remember where I got the cowpony stuff from, or when I gave it to him as a joke, but I remember that when I came back with the kites, he had it on and said he was a cowboy now... After that, I don't really remember much."

"I see," Lumberman said, nodding his head. "Okay, now I'm only going to ask you this once unless I find out something different later on. And I mean no disrespect, and I'm only asking because I'm worried about Chris... Did anything intimate happen when you two were together?"

There was that panic again that shot over Starlight. She tried to sit up, but the rush in her head took her back down.

"Oh, Celestia-" She held her head. "No. Why would you even ask me that."

"Because alcohol makes people do things they normally wouldn't do when sober. Or for a pony, steal a bunch of stuff from her friends and even ruin their personal property. All of which I still have to take back today; you're welcome very much."

"I don't even remember how or when I took most of those things."

"Yeah, I doubt Chris will either."

The fact that she couldn't remember so much started to make her worry. What else might she have done that she can't recall? It wasn't so hard to imagine that she might have used a spell on him and couldn't remember it.

"Alright," Lumberman announced. "After seeing what you did to those apples today, I'm sure if Chris did something you wouldn't have wanted him to, we'd all know it. And if you had tried anything on Chris, me or Sniff would have heard about it. But I just wanted to make sure. So, you do me a favor and don't bring this up, and I'll keep quiet about your bootleg activities. Sound fair?"

Starlight nodded slowly.

"Yeah. Sounds fair."

"Okay, I'm gonna go check up on Chris then. Rest up and hydrate,-" Lumberman was about to step off as he grabbed the door handle. "Uh, door open or closed?"

Starlight didn't feel like being seen after that conversation. She just wanted to be alone.

"Closed, please."

The door closed, and she was left alone with the world still spinning, an upset stomach, and her thoughts.

"Why is making friends so hard?" She thought to herself. "I thought I screwed things up so bad before I even started with Chris. But after we made up; I don't think I've ever had that much fun in years. But... how did it all go so wrong so fast? He seemed happy after we made up."

Her face felt flush, and she could feel her stomach as it started heating up. "Oh, no."

Her mouth was salivating, and she could feel what little was left in her stomach rising up. She fumbled her way up to the toilet and started to heave again.

"This is the worst," She groaned before spitting out the last bit of vomit in her mouth. "Maybe I deserve this. Retribution for all the terrible things I've done... Maybe I should have just run off with Trixie. Why didn't I just leave with her? What if something happened to her?"

"What if something happens to Chris?... Why am I talking to myself?"

"Maybe because you need someone to talk to?" Twilight's voice came through the door. "Do you mind if I come in?"

"You're not going to yell at me, are you?" Starlight answered back before flushing.

Twilight opened the door and closed it behind her. She flipped on the light and did her best to asses the downtrodden mare. "Are you feeling any better?"

"I feel like I'm getting better, but I certainly don't feel any better. How's Chris doing?"

Twilight looked uneasy on how to answer that. "That's hard to say-" She let that statement hang in the air a bit too long and left Starlight on edge, waiting for the bad news to come out - "He seems to be a lot sicker than you are, but his friends keep saying he'll be fine. And I don't know much about their alcohol or how it works to say otherwise, but I still insisted they let him stay here until he feels better... What happened with you two out there today?"

Starlight did her best to go through all the details, from her careless words that started the conflict to her vomiting on Pinkie. True to her word, she only left out her duplication magic of the vodka and Lumberman's question of intimacy with Chris, whatever that was supposed to mean.

"Wow," Twilight answered calmly, though her concerns were easy to see. "That's quite the story you have there. And you really can't remember anything after you came back with your kites?"

Starlight nibbled on a cracker. "Not really. There's a few moments of things I can remember. Like, there was a moment we were laughing at the ice sculpture. I guess I must have made it because I can remember Chris saying that I did a good job on it. Then I was on his back, and I said he wasn't a pony. Then Lumberman was there, and I was looking for my apple, but I guess I ate it."

"What kind of spell did you use to put the music in an apple anyway?"

"I have no idea, Twilight. I just remember listening to where the music was coming from and then, I dunno. It was almost like I could see where it was. Like it was magic that was sitting or vibrating on his phone. But I think I must have pulled more than just the song I wanted."

"Fascinating," Twilight responded back, likely more interested in the magic than her story at the moment.

Ignoring the questionable success of the spell, Starlight had a question to ask that was now weighing down on her.

"Twilight? Should I just give up on this whole friendship thing? Every success I have only ends in disaster."

Hearing her only student wanting to give up snapped Twilight out of her nerd haze. "What? Of course not. You're doing great-" She had to mentally take a step back and adequately address her concerns - "Look. I know you think that all these bad things only happened because you were there for them. But with both Trixie and Chris, those were things that were outside of your control, and because of the choices they decided to make. You didn't make them try too hard or tackle goals that were too big for them. You just have to be there for them when they need you after they make their mistakes."

"Twilight?"

"Yes?"

"I need to puke again. Move."

Lumberman and Applejack were dishing out the spread that Pinkie Pie had brought with her.

"You sure did put in a lot of work on these tiny sandwiches, Pinkie Pie. Are you sure you’re not even gonna try to eat anything with us?" Applejack asked, sad to see Pinkie not being able to enjoy the food she brought.

Pinkie was sitting in her chair, slouched and glaring at the food she wasn't going to be able to eat now.

"No. Not only did Starlight ruin my appetite, but she also ruined my Smile Song."

Applejack did her best to play peacekeeper.

"Oh, come on now, Pinkie. You know Starlight didn't mean to do that. It was an accident."

Pinkie wasn't going to accept that. "No way, Jose! She got me twice! How can that possibly be an accident."

"Because she was drunk out of her mind, Pinkie," Lumberman explained. "It's like... It's like being under a spell that confuses you. You don't really know what you're doing, and can't think straight."

That was a plausible explanation for Pinkie to expand upon.

"Like a love potion or a Want It Need It spell?"

Of course, Pinkie would use references he couldn't possibly know. "Uh, I'd have to ask our resident Brony about that, and he's still too drunk to move or logic. But I'm willing to guess that's right."

Just in time for lunch, Benny made himself known.

"I heard Brony and too drunk to move, we talking about Chris and Cerb?"

"Hey, there he is," Lumberman welcomed his friend in. "And, nah. Just Chris. Him and Starlight made up this morning and chased down about three flocks of geese.

That's something Benny wasn't expecting to hear.

"Holy shhhh... wow... How bad was he?"

Lumberman and Applejack both chuckled.

Benny was waiting for the joke. "What?"

Lumberman unlocked Kelly's phone and slid it over the table to him. "A picture is worth a thousand words, and I took plenty."

"Look out, everypony! Hot stuff coming in fast!" Rainbow Dash shouted as she flew into the room, Becky walking in just a few seconds behind.

Becky slowly paced her way into the room.

"Lumberman, you have got to go out in town. The ponies here are so freaking nice. And what are you even doing here? I thought you were going to fix AJ's house?" She looked around the room, seeing most of the group missing "Where's everyone else?"

Lumberman finished fixing up a plate for Applejack and himself and took a seat. "Well, Kelly and old Mac Daddy ventured off to do their own thing. Ain't seen them all day. Cerb is still off doing fashion or whatever. Sniff stepped out with Spike to get some more bread and crackers because our boy Chris..."

"Chris and Starlight got hammered, Becky," Benny excitedly announced. "Check it out."

Becky took the phone and started flipping through the pictures, quickly growing in excitement.

"Holy shit. When did this happen?"

Applejack swallowed hard on her first tiny sandwich and went to answer. "Well, add up the time it took 'em to drive ta my place, walk 'em back into the orchard, then however long it takes yer friend to drink two bottles of yer vodka. About that much time after y'all left this morn'n."

"Two bottles?" Becky answered back, more than surprised to hear he would have drunk that much before noon. "Where is he, and please tell me he puked most of it up."

"Ooooooooh yeaaaaaaaaah, he did," Pinkie snarled. "And he wasn't the only one."

Becky lowered the phone and looked to Lumberman and Applejack.

"Well, ya see now," Applejack tiptoed her way around this still sensitive topic. "There was a series of accidents after we brought them two over here."

Lumberman decided to be more direct with his explanation. "Star horse reenacted the Exorcist, and Pinkie was the priest."

"She puked on me, alright!" Pinkie exploded out. "I popped out of the hot oily truck thing after Starlight and Chris lured me in when they called for a party, then hugged me and said she couldn't throw a party like me, and then she speeeeeeeeeeeewed all over me! Blaaaaaaaah! Blaaaaaaaaah! Twice! And her puke was singing my Smile Song! And it freaked me out!"

Rainbow Dash flew overhead and munched on one of the tiny sandwiches, dribbling little crumbles as she spoke while chewing.

"Since when does a pony's puke sing?"

Applejack cleared her throat. "Starlight used a spell to copy music from Chris's phone and played it in an apple, but got drunk and ate the apple on accident. Throwing the apple back up made the music play."

"Oh..." Becky just accepted the explanation. "Are there any pictures of that on here."

Rainbow Dash fluttered down to Becky and floated over her shoulder to look through the pictures.

"Heh... Haha, wow. Ha! Oh my gosh, look at the ice sculpture-" In the next image Rainbow Dash saw, something made all the pictures of her friends' stolen property not so funny anymore. "Hey! That's my mailbox!"

Spike and Sniff were casing the storefronts for a few extra food items for their friends, and maybe a little site seeing for the newest human to visit the locals.

Sniff was leisurely strolling and eyeing up any potential future buys he may need. "So, this is where it's all happening, huh?"

Spike was strutting his stuff while trying to match Sniff's pace and larger steps. "Yep. Downtown Ponyville. Anypony that's anypony is seen down here. We got carpenters, blacksmiths, bakers, printers, painters, general goods retailers, grocery stores, and the market place is just down there-" He nudged an elbow symbolically towards Sniff - "Hope you know how to haggle. Heh, heh. Just kidding. I got ya covered buddy. But what do ya think?"

"It's really nice," He complimented the town as he continued down. "It's got a nice layout. Every building has a similar style to them, but they also still stand out as unique. All the colors blend in well, and everything is easy to see and placed in an easy-to-find order. Lot's of unused space for marketing, though."

A new cheerful female voice spoke up behind the two. "Yes. It really is a lovely town, isn't it?

Sniff turned around to see a tan-colored Earth pony mare smiling up at him. This mare seemed more distinct than the others. Her hair was grey and silver, and unlike so many of the other ponies, this one wore a few items of clothing. She fashioned a pair of reading glasses and a white colored collar that had a teal decorative piece tied into it. Overall, it looked to be stuck somewhere between tastefully fashionable and outright adorable.

"I am Mayor Mare," She introduced herself. "I briefly bumped into two of your friends this morning and was delighted to meet their acquaintance. It seems all of you have similar pleasant demeanors; I'm glad to see."

Spike stepped in to perform a proper introduction for the two. "Good morning, Mayor. This is Sniff. He's a good friend of mine. Sniff, this is Mayor Mare, the Mayor of Ponyville. She kinda runs the place."

Sniff knelt down low enough to speak to her suitably but not so low as to appear demeaning to her stature. With a friendly smile, he extended his hand to render a welcoming handshake.

"Mayor, it's a pleasure to meet you."

He closed the gap as she extended her hoof and held it with a firm grip, being careful not to hold, nor shake, too aggressively.

"My real name is Peter, but my friends call me Sniff. And I must say, I'm a little disappointed that Twilight didn't tell me she had a younger sister running the show around here."

The Mayor blushed and pulled her hoof back, suddenly becoming bashful.

"Oh my, you are quite the charmer. But no. No relations to the fair Princess. And I am most certainly her senior by a respectable number of years, my good sir."

Sniff played it cool, like it was an honest mistake. "My apologies, ma'am. I only assumed that leadership and authority was a family trait and thought you two must have been related. But otherwise, and now I may be new here so I could be wrong, but aside from a lovely shade of silver in your hair, I see nothing of your appearance that wouldn't put you as young and spry as Twilight and her friends. I'd apologize further, but I'm sure you're probably just sick to death of hearing it from everyone you meet already."

"Oh! You are just an incorrigible little scoundrel, aren't you?" She playfully laughed off his compliments, entirely swooned. "You've done this old mare's heart a great service today, Mr. Sniff. I have no doubt that you'll have no troubles making new friends while you're here. Best save your flattery for the younger mares in town, though."

"There's a fine line between flattery and honesty, Miss Mayor," Sniff answered back with a devilish grin.

She laughed again but was visibly flustered. His last line was obviously rehearsed, but she could tell it was meant to be tongue and cheek.

"Mr. Sniff, I must be going before you embarrass me any further with that silver tongue of yours. Tah Tah for now."

Spike watched in total awe as the Mayor trotted off, practically prancing with each step as she went back to her cozy little office. "What was that?" He asked enthusiastically. "You had her eating out of your hoof. I mean claws. I mean your hand. Starlight said they were hands. Right?"

Sniff shrugged off his little encounter with the Mayor.

"That? Kind of a force of habit-" He looked away from the mare to address Spike again - "You gotta know how to speak to a lady, and the ponies here aren't much different than the women I speak with back where I come from. And there are lots of ways to pay a lady a compliment that she'll not only appreciate but also believe you're being honest about."

This is the kind of information Spike needed to learn and should have known years ago.

"Wha- Well, how do you do that?"

Sniff reached down and scruffed his hand over Spike's head.

"Well, that's easy kid. Don't lie about it-" He took a moment to watch Mayor Mare trot out of site - "You can make a joke, embellish on something you like about them, or make a generous guess on something positive about them, but never lie. Every woman has something beautiful about them."

"Woah, that's some great advice. I need to write that down."

Sniff had a flurry of thoughts race through his mind after he started to put together more of the world he was living in. "Let me ask you something, Spike."

"Huh?" Spike stopped taking down his notes for the time being. "What's up?"

"What do you want to learn from guys like Cerb and me?"

Spike raised a claw to lead his main points, but he'd never really thought too much about what he was supposed to be learning. "Uh... I don't know. Honestly, I thought you guys would just... I dunno. Know what to teach me on how to be more macho and cool."

"Macho and cool?" Sniff chuckled. "Yeah, you certainly are a kid at heart there, Spike."

Spike suddenly took offense to the term.

"I'm not just a kid. I'm actuall-"

"Calm down, dude," Sniff spoke up to derail the dragons' lecture. "I said you're a kid at heart. And you're lucky to still have that. Age-wise, you'd be an adult where I come from."

"Really?" It took Spike a second to remember where he was. "Oh. Well, I guess I'd be an adult here if I were a pony."

There was a shift in Spike's tone, and he turned his eyes to the ground and dropped in his posture. "It kind of stinks being a dragon living with ponies."

Sure, Sniff had his reservations about this place, but Spike grew up in this environment and seemed to be enjoying it. At least as far as Sniff had seen.

"Why's that? I know Twilight can be a little hard on ya, but I figured you were living the good life out here?"

"Oh, no," Spike jerked back. "It's nothing against Twilight or anypony else-"

Spike groaned, sounding like he might be depressed about something.

"Twilight was really young when she and her family took me in. We grew up together; the way she took care of me, I first thought she was my mother. Then I thought she was more of a sister, and even Shining Armor seemed like a brother. Then it was more like we were friends or other times I was her assistant. But then she was done growing up for the most part. But I had barely even started."

This was certainly an unexpected insight into what had seemed to be an odd twist on the fairy tale lifestyle he assumed all the characters here must have lived. Sniff was fascinatingly drawn in by his story.

"I'm sorry," Suddenly, Spike looked as if he was done sharing his tale. "You probably don't want to hear any of this. Listening to me like some filly-mare whining about her big sister."

"Okay-" Sniff cracked his knuckles - "I'll give ya a real-life lesson to help set you straight on what you just said right there. But first..."

With a few less bits in Sniff's pocket, he and Spike stepped out of an ice cream shop. Each carrying out a double scoop ice cream cone.

Sniff opened the door to let Spike out before him and turned back to think the ice cream mare that served him. "Thank you again, Dairy Treats. And hey! Stay cool! Ah ha! Yeah. You, too. Have a nice day now."

They both took a few licks from their mid-day snack and headed over to a nearby bench.

"You sure do flirt a lot," Spike joked.

"Yeah, let's not talk about that," Sniff chuckled.

The two sat down, and Sniff used the distraction to go back to a point he wanted to make earlier.

"So, as I was going to say. Even where I come from, people like to think that men like you or me don't have real problems that get to us. Like we don't ever have a reason to break down or cry. Well, don't let anyone sell you that lie. Now, if it's little stuff like you didn't win a game you played, or you just had a lousy day. Yeah, that's the kind of stuff you don't need to whine and cry over. But what you were telling me, that's something real. So tell me more about that."

Spike could see how that could be a good way of looking at things and figured he could trust Sniff enough to finish up describing what he was feeling.

"Well, I guess it's something I didn't really understand until a few years ago. I was about to turn sixteen, and I was thinking about what I wanted for my birthday. Then I started thinking about what I wanted to do for my birthday. I knew Pinkie Pie and Twilight would have something planned for me, but I still get to pick something fun to do. So that got me thinking about the different games I played at other pony's birthday parties when I was growing up with them. You know, typical party games for little fillies and young colts... Then I realized that none of those ponies were fillies and colts anymore. They were all grown up, living on their own, had promising futures, or were already professionals in the passions they went to school for. I hadn't grown up. I feel like I'm going to be stuck looking and feeling like a baby dragon forever."

When Sniff thought about it, that had to be a difficult thing to live with. Watching his friends and loved ones growing old around him and essentially all of them leaving him behind.

"Wow... That sounds like it must be hard to deal with. Watching the world and everyone you care about growing up and moving on without you. Not by choice, but because your body itself can't keep up... that... wow. I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like."

Spike's demeanor didn't improve, actually sinking further.

"Yeah. It's even worse when you fall in love with somepony."

Sniff raised an eyebrow to that. This dragon was caught up living a life of a child and an adult, so what kind of view on love could he have fallen in love with a lady of a different species?

"How did that go for you, or did it not go at all?"

Spike lowered his ice cream, looking at it like it had lost all its flavor.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"You don't have to, bud-" Sniff looked over his own ice cream cone and tossed what little he had left in a nearby wastebasket. "Love, for all it's talked up, can hurt more than people realize. Especially if it's not returned."

Spike hesitated to ask Sniff such a personal question but decided he'd rather know how much they could relate to each other with his own predicament.

"Have you... Have you ever fallen in love with someone but didn’t know how to tell them?"

Whether Spike was ten or twenty, he didn't seem to have much of a constant male figure in his life for as far as Sniff could tell. He thought it would be better to give the kid the best answer he could without leading him down the same path he chose to travel for his love life.

"Once. And only once. She was older than me. Almost twice my age at the time, but we still hit it off... We shared a lot of the same-" Sniff had to think of another way of saying they shared the same sexual cravings and fed off each other's lust like it was the cure for cancer. "-appetite for pursuing the many hidden pleasures in life."

"What happened? Did you tell her how you felt about her?"

"Did you?"

"... No..."

"Me either..."

Sniff had long since given up on those feelings for his first mistress, and one hell of a milf, but could still remember his misguided feelings for her.

"I tried a few times to hint at how I felt about her. Tell her things I wanted us to do in the future. Over complimented how she looked or how great she was. Give her gifts that were both from the heart and a bunch from my wallet... She never turned them down, but never really accepted them for what I meant for them to be. Eventually, I took the hint that she loved me, loved being with me, but she wasn't in love with me. I was too young and too different from her when it came right down to it. Looking back, I don't blame her for turning me down without ever saying it out loud. I'm a little mad for all the time I wasted trying to win her over, but don't regret everything I learned because of it. Because of her."

"Sniff?"

Sniff looked down to see Spike glaring at him like he was both pissed off, but also confused.

"Yeah?"

Spike cocked an eyebrow and spoke in a sharply accusatory voice.

"Did you sneak into my room and read my journal?"

If Sniff would have had anything in his mouth, he would have just sprayed his new dragon buddy in the face with it.

"Pft! What?"

It was hard not to laugh at the question Sniff was asked, but he managed to pull it off.

"No. I don't even know where your room is... But wait. Are you saying that's pretty much what you've been dealing with?"

This time, Spike answered in a calm, though defeated voice.

"Pretty much. Yeah."

Sniff reached out and pulled Spike in for a hug and gave him a nuggy. "Look at you, kid. Chasing down mares twice your age and break'n hearts. I'm proud of you, boy."

"Ha, ha! Stop that!" Spike gushed as he pushed himself out of Sniff's hold and laughed along with the inappropriate praise. "I don't think it's funny."

"You laughed, though, didn't you?" Sniff smirked.

Spike did find it funny. "That's only because of how you said it. But... it's still hurts knowing that she can be so close, yet..."

"Yet still out of reach?"

"Yeah..."

"Spike. You can't change the way someone or some mare thinks or feels. You can't even control the way you feel, yourself. It is what it is. You have to learn to sometimes back away from what you're feeling and understand why you feel that way. A lot of times, when you look at the big picture, and you see how the situation really is, you can see that you've been wanting something that wasn't really there. It may not change the way you feel at first, but over time, knowing that that woman you thought you loved so much because of the future you dreamed you'd have with her, it wasn't the future you had it all. That she wasn't really what you thought she was. And as much as it might hurt to let her go, you can start to see that the woman you thought you loved was an illusion you created from somebody else who could never be more than anything but a friend."

"Well, that's depressing."

Depressing or not, it was the hard-learned truth Sniff knew was best to share.

"That's just my insight, guy. Not saying you have to take it or do it. I don't even know who you're chasing after. So, I could be wrong about your situation. And even if I did know, and still thought I was right, you gotta make that call. Not me, not Twilight, or anybody else. No one can tell you how to feel or what's the best way to live your life. So long as you ain't hurting nobody, it ain't none of their business."

"Well, now you're just confusing me. Wha... What am I supposed to do?"

"That's for you to decide, man. Macho men aren't indecisive. They either know what they want, and they go for it, or they cut their losses."

"But... what if I lose her for good?"

"If she's a real friend, you won't really lose her. But if you do, and that's all it took... is that something really worth holding onto?"

Spike, taking great offense at the notion that his relationship with Rarity could ever be anything but precious, proclaimed, "That's a horrible thing to say! You don't know her like I do."

Sniff could tell that the dragons passion was clouding his ability to look at the concept he was trying to present to him in any objective manner. He'd have to use that passion to prove his point.

"I bet I can prove that you agree with me."

Spike crossed his arms; certain his mind couldn't be changed.

"Oh yeah? Try me."

For Sniff, this didn't seem like a challenge, given how inflexive Spike was standing on his position. So, it decided to venture into the questioning easily.

"This girl of yours. Do you love her?"

"Of course I do."

"Would you do anything for her? Within reason, I mean."

"Yes."

"If she never said that she loved you the way you loved her, would you say that you would be a horrible friend for cutting her out of your life because of that?"

"I..." Spike had set such a high standard for what he thought Rarity deserved of him, that couldn't deny that doing something that heartless would make him, or anypony for that matter, a terrible friend. Not even a real friend at all. "Yeah..."

"If you cut her out over something so simple as not returning your affection because she just didn't feel that way about you, would it be safe to say that you weren't really a good friend to begin with? Since all your love and affection were based on the condition that she give you something in return? Something that she couldn't give you even if she wanted to?"

It was hard to tell what that little dragon was thinking then. As honest and helpful as Sniff had tried to be, he couldn't help but wonder if he had given the young lad too much to try and process or if he had just driven a wedge between the two of them by suggesting he give up on his love interest after just meeting him.

"I guess I see your point," Spike finally answered back, sounding a little distraught over this approach to relationships. "I just hate to think that I might be saving myself just to be rejected. Or maybe... I just don't want to admit that I already know I've been rejected."

"Hey, bud. Don't get so down on yourself-" Sniff tried to encourage him with a nudge to the shoulder. "Heaven forbid it doesn't work out, I can at least help you with your pickup game."

Spike looked up, temporarily distracted from his potential lost love."Pick up game?"

"Yeah, you know. How to pick up chicks. Err, ponies. Or dragons. Whatever you're into, man."

Spike thought about how that could possibly work out. "Hmm. Well, I guess if anyone could teach me, it would definitely be you. I mean, you got Celestia to offer you to move in with her. So you must be doing something right."

"That..." Sniff really wished Spike hadn't been there for that offer. "is a good point, but let's not bring that up again. Don't get me wrong. The Royal Sun Butt is a nice Princess and all, but I'm just not into ponies like that."

"Why not? Ponies are great," Spike responded, at least now sounding a little more chipper.

Sniff laughed and tried to play it cool.

"Just not my thing, man. I know what I like, and I don't think anything is going to be changing that. Besides- " He turned and gave Spike a sly grin. "More for you, right?"

He ended his proposition with a few playful nudges into the dragon's side with his elbow.

The jabs were light enough to tickle the young dragon. "Ha, ha! Hey! Knock it off. You'll make me drop my ice cream."

Big Mac pushed his way through a thicket of knee-high weeds and grass.

"And this spot over here is... uh... I dunno? We never really done nuthin out this far. Might expand the farm someday."

"Well, if no one comes out this way, I think it's a good place to lay down for a while," Kelly eagerly suggested.

Big Mac looked over his shoulder at his lovely lady, still riding him bareback. He spoke up proudly.

"Awe shucks. Miss Kelly. I ain't none too tired. We can keep going if you want to."

Kelly leaned forward and rested her arms around his neck, and brought her lips just under his ear.

"I don't want to lay down with you because I think you're tired, dummy. I want to lay down with you because we're alone."

Big Mac's cheeks turned a brighter shade of red, having a better idea of just what she wanted to do again.

"Oh. Forgive a gentlecolt his simple ways. I was merely trying to keep a sweet young lady on the straight and narrow path she insisted we travel slowly."

Kelly laughed for a moment before lightly punching his shoulder.

"Shut up. We've been crawling at a snail's pace all morning. And as much as I'd love to see more of your fucking trees, I'd rather spend a little more time looking at something other than the back of your head."

Big Mac chuckled. They had been walking around the property all morning. He imagined she could use a break from sitting on his back.

"Alright, little missy. It's not like I brought us out here on accident, ya know."

"Oh, my," Kelly cooed, switching from playful to naughty as she traced her fingers down his throat as far as she could reach. "And here I thought I was the only one who wanted to take my foot off the brakes."

Those fingers worked their magic far more thoroughly than she expected. Big Mac's body stiffened, and his ears stood straight up.

"Uh, oh," She giggled. "Did I do that?- " She ran her fingers back up slowly and started rubbing under his thick jawline. "Or did you get excited all on your own?"

"Oh, Miss Kelly," Big Mac shuttered under her touch. "I think you know dern well, that was all your doing."

"Oh, I know," She smiled and rubbed her cheek coarsly into his neck. "I just wanted to hear you say it." She continued to pet and stroke him from his chin and then down his throat, feeling him turn to butter in her hand. "You know, I can only do so much from up here, or are you planning on holding me hostage on your back all day?"

"Euyup," Three, two, one. And his brain started working again. "Oh! I mean... Sorry. You're particularly distracting when you want to be."

"Am I?" She raised her hand and fiddled with his ear, triggering a new response that revealed a new sweet spot on him. "Okay," She pulled back her hand and padded his neck. "Come on. Down we go."

Relieved to be free of her bewitching fingers but also sad to have her stop, he started to lower himself down on his belly. Once he was down flat Kelly had enough clearance to slide off and roll onto her back as she landed, trapping the end of his tail under her leg. Seeing that she was free, he popped back up, wanting to lay with her instead of in front of her.

As he rose, his tail was tightened and was tugged out from under her. It snapped out once all the strands had been freed from her hold, and Big Mac swished his tail to straighten them back as a reflex. In just that brief moment, he inadvertently flashed Kelly the parts of himself usually kept hidden, and Kelly noticed something alarming.

"Uh... Mac?"

"Yes, Kelly? He turned himself around, thinking she was going to make some innocent request.

"Um..." Kelly was going to have to use all her tact to approach this one. "I don't know if I missed something, or it's normal or not, but... I think your balls shrank."

"... Come again?"

So this was going to take all her tact and a little extra explanation. "I know this is gonna sound super weird and maybe a little gross that I even noticed, but you're balls... You know... Yer... testicles... They were a lot bigger the other day."

Big Mac stood motionless, standing like he was facing a firing squad and didn't know he was up for execution, making kelly immediately apologize.

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said anything. It just took me by surprise, and I was worried that... I don't know. Is that normal?"

Something was up with Big Mac, his ears lowered, and his face dipped to the ground.

"I, uh... I noticed, too. And I don't know what happened, but I'm embarrassed to say anything about it."

Now Kelly really was concerned.

"Mac, you're scaring me. Is everything okay? You didn't get hurt when you fought those guards, did you?"

"No... No... I mean. I certainly don't think so," Big Mac was struggling on how to respond to this. "It happened this morning."

He looked up to Kelly, a bit shaken but tried to put up a front to appear more confident.

"But I'm perfectly fine. Nothing to worry about. Just... a bad night's sleep is all."

"A bad night's sleep? Wait... did you like... sit on your balls in your sleep or something?"

Hearing that suggestion seemed to relieve some of Big Mac's concerns.

"I... huh... That might explain one part of it."

"Mac," Kelly was still worried but wasn't going to get anywhere with him unless she changed tactics. "I don't know what's going on, but I'm pretty sure if you don't tell me what happened, I'm just going to worry a lot more if you let my imagination run wild on what could be wrong."

"You don't need ta-" As embarrassed as he was, it wasn't the worst thing he could admit to her. Plus, he didn't want her to worry, or even worse, get his sister and the others involved. "Okay, but please don't tell any of the others. I had a hard enough time keeping Applejack in the dark about this."

Kelly had to show she was on his side and just wanted to help.

"Hey, baby. It's fine. You can trust me. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad. And if worse comes to worst. We can go see a doctor for you. And if anyone asks, we can just tell them I wanted to get my stitches looked at. Your secret will be safe. I promise."

That sounded like a good plan, but probably not necessary for his... other problem.

"Well, I don't think that'll be needed, but that does sound like it would work."

Kelly patted the grass next to her, inviting him over.

"Come on, Mackie. Have a seat next to me and tell me what happened."

No use holding it off. Big Mac sauntered over and plopped down next to her. He took a deep breath and sighed, ready to admit his shame.

"I wet the bed last night."

That wasn't anything close to what she was going to guess might have happened.

"Okay... and?"

"And?" Big Mac turned just enough to look Kelly in the eyes, not knowing what else she might be asking for. "And, well. That's it. I woke up and felt that I wet the bed."

He leaned back more, glad to have gotten that out but still utterly embarrassed about something he hadn't done since he was in his potty training phase.

"I couldn't believe I actually did it. So I pulled back my covers and saw that not only did I wet the bed, but... well... I lost some size down there."

Nothing seemed to be too threatening about a bedwetting problem, kinda odd, but not something to be overly concerned about. "Well, at least you're not hurting... You're not, are you?"

"No," Big Mac frumped. "Just feel gross."

Big Mac's shrinkage problem was still something to be looked into. Cartoon world or not, that just didn't seem natural.

"I'm glad it didn't stink up the house or stain the sheets, though. Don't know how I could have hid that from anypony." Even with that bit of good news, he didn't seem to be in better spirits.

"Yeah, I went to a party once where someone passed out and peed their pants. Stunk up the whole room. So uhhhhhhh..."

Kelly thought about everything Big Mac had just told her. The two things he was glad to see that saved him might be describing something else entirely, and now she had to know.

"Um... Mac, can you tell me more about what you saw when you pulled back the sheets?" Kelly had a hunch; she might know what had actually happened.

"I'd rather not," Big Mac answered, turning away.

"No, Mac. Just listen," She gently asked, doing her best to show how concerned she was. "You didn't see any yellow on the sheets, did you?"

"No..." Big Mac thought it was odd that she would have guessed that.

"I'm guessing that it was more sticky and slimy than watery, too. Right?"

"Uh... How did you?" Big Mac's mind did a one-eighty on him. "Was this some kind of prank?" He stood up, damn near fighting mad. "Who did it? What did they do to me?"

Kelly smiled and tried not to laugh, but it was hard not to since she figured it out.

"No one pranked you, Mac. You had a wet dream."

"Oh, ha, ha," Big Mac wasn't any less annoyed, even if it wasn't a prank. "Big Mac peed the bed. Let's just call it a wet dream. Cus' I was sound asleep in a wet bed."

"Mac!" Kelly shouted at him, but still trying not to laugh. "That's not what a wet dream is at all. You didn't pee yourself in your sleep, and no one put anything in your bed. What happened to you is perfectly natural. Although usually, it happens to guys when they're a lot younger, but still not unheard of for someone older... Although, that's for human guys, but even still, you're all just as human as us on the inside. Or at least that's what I'm guessing."

There was nothing said to win over Mac's confidence, and he didn't mask that fact either.

"What makes you so sure about that?"

She leaned forward, arching her back in and resting her weight on her outstretched arms, letting her breasts sway and her cleavage fall directly in his line of sight.

"So... What did you dream of last night?"

Despite her reassurance, Big Mac wasn't convinced that something hadn't been done to him, but how could he resist her when she looked that good? He snorted, agitated that she could manipulate him so easily.

"The same thing that I can't stop thinking about since you kissed me. I dreamt of being with you."

Convinced that she solved his mystery condition for waking up with the wet bed sheets, she guessed that cartoon horse logic was the cause for his shrinkage. Confident, she pushed herself back upright and beckoned him to sit by her side once more.

"Come on, Big Guy. We need to have a little talk. I need to educate you on a few things."

Big Mac was hesitant to approach her.

"Educate me on what, exactly?"

Kelly returned his question with a reassuring smile.

"Depends. How much do you know about sex?"

This was posted with a picture, but I removed it. I said originally I wasn't proud of it, and so why put up something like that. In the future if I post art with a story, it will be something that wont detract from the story I'm trying to tell, and be visually supportive.

Other Note:

It's amazing the kind of stupid things that are done when one will pass their personal limit with alcohol. Lord knows I've done some stupid things, and have witnessed far dumber. I've even seen a man slapped in the face with a dildo at his own birthday party. Although passing out on a cake in your underwear and a cowboy outfit has yet to be seen. I imagine it would be glorious.

Also, drunk Starlight was a blast writing out. A true pleasure to behold when her ambitions and the amount of personal control she holds were reduced. Also, poor Pinkie... how could she have known? Actually, poor all parties involved with that scene of Starlight emptying her stomach and creating the horror show that followed.

But then there was Sniff and Spike. I have an odd connection to these two. So expect to see them hanging out a lot more. Cerb will mingle in with these two, but I'm pretty sure the focus will be on these two.

Then Kelly and Big Mac... No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers! No spoilers!