You really have no idea how to respond to this. In the ten thousand years that comprised your existence this had never happened to you. Rape came to mind, but that just didn’t seem right for some reason. You settle for resting your own hand over her hoof. Your armored gauntlet almost completely envelopes her foreleg.

”Thank you Twilight.” is all you can think to say.

Apparently it’s all that needs to be said. Twilight just smiles that sweet, innocent smile at you. Gods of Chaos, you can’t look at that smile right now. It reminds you too much of what you are. And you do not understand that one bit. You’ve never been sorry for what you’ve become. But these things... these ponies. They make you think. You do not like to think. You like to do. Thoughtless self-indulgence, that was your life. But these ponies were so selfless, completely ready to render you any aid you asked.

And here you were ready to damn a thousand thousand souls to an eternity of agony unimaginable for your own gratification. You need to take a walk. You strap your raptor pack back on and excuse yourself from the library and head out into the cool Equestrian night. You take to the streets, taking the first one leading out of Ponyville. The ponies are all asleep and the only sound is the whine of your power armor and the clink of your raptor talons against the cobblestone streets.

Once you’re sufficiently far away from the town, a quick blink into your HUD activates your thrusters. An impulse sends you rocketing skyward. As you fly through the night you inwardly curse Twilight. All those damned memories she’d gone and drudged up. You hated thinking about the past, you preferred to live for the moment. But she’d gone and rustled your mind up something fierce and now all you could do was brood. So you flew. You flew fast and you flew far. Flying always helped clear your mind back when you had a mind worth clearing.

Over, or rather through, the roar of your pack, you pick up the sound of air parting around wings. For any being other than one of your kind it would be utterly impossible to hear even without the roar of engines. But you heard it. One sound may overpower another, but that does not mean the sound is not there. The trick is simply in being able to differentiate between them. It also helps that the thing reeks of Chaotic influence.

You blinked a few commands into your HUD. There, behind and slightly above. You command your armor to focus on that spot. An image shows up, there is nothing but the shimmering of the starlit sky. It is, of course, warp-trickery. Something is following you and thinks itself unseen. You let them continue to think that.

As you fly you gradually descend and finally touch down a few miles away from the town. You hear whatever’s following you alight on the ground too. You turn around and pointedly speak out to it.

”Show yourself, daemon. Do not think to hide from one sworn to Chaos.”

There is a rippling heat haze distortion as the daemon reveals itself. And it is not a daemon. It’s just another winged unicorn. That is, apparently, marked by Chaos. The dark pony ruffles her wings indignantly.

”We are no daemon! How darest thou speak to a princess in such a manner!”

Another princess? How many fucking princesses did a kingdom need?

”You’re a Warp entity tainted by the mark of Chaos. Where I come from we call those daemons.”

She seems a little taken aback by your words. What, did she expect you to not notice that she stank of the dark gods’ power?

”Thou accuseth us of being sworn to the Ruinous Powers?” she asks, the volume of her voice growing.

”Are you?”

She freezes for a second and lowers the volume of her voice considerably when next she speaks.

”We were, once... long ago. But our friends rescued us from our madness! There is nothing of that left.”

She was either blind or choosing to ignore the obvious.

”None who touch Chaos can ever truly escape. It scars the soul in ways that can never be healed. Perhaps you are done with Chaos, but Chaos will never be done with you. Now, I believe you were stalking me, is there any particular reason for that?”

She gives a look between indignation and embarrassment.

”First thou accuseth us of consorting with dark powers and now thou wouldst accuse us of stalking?!”

”You were following me since Ponyville, watching me while remaining hidden. Where I’m from, we call that stalking.”

You idly wonder what ponies consider to be stalking and chaos worship, because clearly it’s not what the rest of the galaxy thinks it is.

”We would prefer that thou did not put it in such crass terms, but yes, we were following thee. Celestia has told us of thy arrival and we wished to see thee for ourselves.”

”I don’t really get what the “we” stuff is all about, do you have an imaginary friend or something?”

Man you are just on a jimmie rustling rampage tonight.

”We speak in the custom of royalty! It is customary to use the royal “we” when addressing our subjects!” she yells.

”Well I’m not your subject.”

”Didst thou not swear thy sword to Celestia?”

”Oh, I’m so sorry Celestia. It’s a little hard to recognize you with all the you not being Celestia.”

”Have we perhaps wronged thee in some way? What reason couldst thou possibly have for such rudeness?”

Alright alright, you’ve had your fun, now apologize to the daemon princess.

”My apologies princess, it has been a... rough night.”

”Thy apology is accepted. Now it would seem introductions are in order.”

As much as you love making a big deal of yourself, you can’t help but feel this routine has gotten a little stale. But whatever, ponies gonna pony. You offer a short mock bow.

“Anonymous of Chemos, Noise Raptor of the Emperor’s Children, at your service milady.”

She gives a short little pony bow in return.

“We are Princess Luna of Equestria. Now, may we ask what thy purpose is in our lands?”
”I have no purpose here.” you state flatly.

”Then why hast thou come here?”

”It wasn’t by choice. Long story short I thought mixing sonic weaponry and warp engines was a good idea. I’m here completely by accident.”

---

Meanwhile in the Warp

You are Tzeentch, and that’ll teach that little shit to stay off your fucking lawn. Fucking kids and their stupid ass wubs.

---

Back in Equestria

”Unless I can reunite with my warband, it seems I’m stuck here with very little to do but entertain ponies.”

”Then what is the purpose of those?” she asks, pointing a hoof at the soulgems in your helm.

”You know what these are?”

”The Tears of Isha. We could hear the tortured wailing of the souls trapped within from Canterlot.”

”They were to be an offering to Slaanesh to restore our good standing. We were on our way to the Eye of Terror to perform the ceremony when the... er... accident happened.”

She doesn’t seem the least bit perturbed by this.

”Very well, if all thou desires is in they possession then we have no reason to fear thee. But hear me, Anonymous of Chemos, if thou wouldst harm a single of our beloved subjects you will descover why we were once called Nightmare.”

By the gods, what was it with princesses and threats? Weren’t pony princesses supposed to be nice? You say your goodbyes and on wings of darkness Luna returns to the skies and goes on her way back to Canterlot. You decide you’d better head back to Twilight’s before anymore princesses decide to make themselves known.

You take advantage of the peacefulness of the flight back to Ponyville and take stock of your current situation. You’re currently stranded on a strange planet inhabited by some of the most adorable xenos you’ve ever encountered. Said planet is ruled over by two daemons in the forms of ponies who have threatened you with vague and terrible dooms should you harm said xenos. And there are currently unnumbered thousands of Eldar souls screaming in torment and broadcasting your presence for all the Warp to hear.

You really hope your brothers find you before Feanor does. You’re not sure you can protect these ponies if it comes to that.

Finally you arrive back at the library, touching down as softly as you can. The lights are on for some reason. You enter the tree house and find Twilight gazing out a window with her telescope.

She turns as you enter. “Oh, hi Anon! I couldn’t get back to sleep after earlier so I decided to do some stargazing. It’s so weird to think that all these places I’ve looked at for so long are probably all inhabited.”

”Yes, I’m sure it does offer quite a change in perspective.”

She nods vigorously. “Come over and look, this is one of my favorite nebulas to look at. Maybe you can tell me something new about it.”

You’re tired but decide to simply humor her. You’ve sailed the stars for ten millenia, you know them from every conceivable angle. You put your eye lens up to the scope and your breath catches.

Mistaking your shock for wonder Twilight rambles on. “I know, isn’t it beautiful? It’s one of the first stellar bodies I ever saw. You know anything about it?”

Oh yes, you know quite a lot about it. But there are probably some things ponies should not know. For instance, that somep0ny’s favorite stellar body is actually the Eye of Terror.

”My apologies Twilight, I cannot say I’ve any knowledge of that region.”

Pokerface.jpg

You’re wearing a fucking helmet, stop that right now.

She looks a little downcast at your answer and it almost makes you feel bad enough to tell her the truth. But then you remember what the truth is and you keep it the fuck to yourself.

”Oh well, maybe some other night you can stargaze with me and tell me all the places you do know!”

Fuck that noise. But oh sweet Slaanesh, those eyes. Alright, maybe a few stars couldn’t hurt. But not tonight. You’ve been mind raped by a tiny pony-psyker and been threatened by another Chaos damned princess. You just want some fucking sleep.

”Yes, perhaps sometime.”

Her eyes light up and the sight alone is worth the impending torture.

”And Twilight, I would prefer if you kept the events of tonight to yourself.”

Twilight nods. “Of course, your secret’s safe with me. But I’m kinda curious now, from what I saw of your memories you’re a pretty evil po- err, person, why are you so nice to us? Doesn’t Chaos want to conquer the galaxy or something?”

Oddly enough, you’d been thinking on the exact same thing since you got here. You’d also managed to find a satisfactory answer.

”Fulgrim taught my legion to strive for perfection above all else and Slaanesh teaches us to follow our desires. All my life I desired perfection, that is why I became a Noise Marine; to perfect my music. When I look at this world I see perfection. This is the kind of world I fought to create for Mankind in the Great Crusade, and now that I have it for myself I will let no one take it away.”

Twilight mulls this over for a bit.

”Alright, that makes sense... I guess. Either way I’m glad you decided to be our friend.”

You smile, though Twilight can’t see it. “So am I, Twilight.”

And then you head off to bed. Again. But so help you if Twilight tries any of that crazy psyker shit on you again.

---

Day two in Equestria.

Now what the fuck are you going to do today. You get up from the mattress and notice the smell of food in the air. When was the last time you’d eaten? You’re pretty sure the last thing you ate was a Dark Eldar soul back in Commorragh. Delicious, but it did nothing to sustain your body. You want some fucking food.

You groggily make your way up from the basement to the library proper to find the tiny lizard from last night making breakfast in the kitchen. He glances up at you and you can tell he’s still terrified of you. Best work on fixing that. He may not be a pony, but he’s still fucking adorable too.

”Greetings tiny lizard-xeno!”

Yes, that usually works. The fear disappears and is replaced by indignation.

“I’m not a lizard! I’m a dragon!”

”No offense, but aren’t dragons generally a little more... threatening?”

”Well I’m a baby dragon.”

Alright, you can buy that. You’ve already got ponies, why not?

”Well then, young dragon, I am Anonymous. What may I call you?”

”Name’s Spike, I help Twi’ out around the library.”

”Well met then, Spike.” you say, reaching out to shake his claw.

Except your hand is about as big as he is. You remember an old Space Wolf greeting. You clench your hand into a fist and hold it before Spike. He looks at it quizzically.

”You punch it.” you explain.

”Oh, alright.” he says.

Then he pulls back and punches your fist with all his tiny dragon might. His eye twitches in pain and you wince sympathetically. Perhaps you should have explained better.

”So... what’s for breakfast?”

”Dandelion pancakes,” he says, rubbing his nearly broken claw. “you want some?”

Wat.

”... dandelion?”

”Yeah. But if you don’t like dandelions I can do daisies or hay.”

Fuck this gay pony food, where was the damned MEAT? Well Spike’s a dragon, they eat meat, right?

”What do you usually eat?” you ask him.

He pulls the pancakes off the stove and sets them up on the table, then goes over to the fridge and pulls out a huge bowl of- Are those fucking gemstones?

”Well, sometimes I eat pony food, but I really prefer these babies!”

To accentuate his point he pops one into his mouth and crunches down on it. Well fuck. Spike pauses in between mouthfuls of gems when he notices your helmet. He begins drooling. What the fuck?

He points to your forehead. “Hey, you’re not gonna eat those, are you? Cuz those look REALLY tasty.”

What was he... did he mean Feanor’s soulstones? Holy shit, this little guy wants to eat the soulstones! You’re not sure whether to be nervous or beam with pride. You nervously beam with pride. You’re convinced by this point that Slaanesh had a very heavy influence on this world’s creation. Ponies that dance to your Blastmaster and dragons that eat soulstones.

You idly wonder what the fuck would actually happen if you fed him one of them. Sure is a shame you’ll never find out though.

”Sorry, Spike, these are a gift for someone else. But if you don’t mind I’ll take a few of those gems.”

Because why the fuck not. You’re willing to try anything once. It’s kind of required for a Slaaneshi anyways.

”Sure!” he tosses you a handful of gems and you nod your thanks to him.

”Well I suppose I’ll go for a walk around town.” you say. “I can’t think of much else to do.”

”Alright, I’ll tell Twi’ when she wakes up.” he says. “Have fun!”

You decide to leave your raptor pack and weapons in the basement. You keep your Blastmaster on you, though. It hasn’t left your side in ten thousand years and you’re not starting now.

Walking through Ponyville, you feel an odd sense of calm come over you as you return the friendly waves of smiling ponies. There were no crusades fight, no Eldar to sacrifice, no Inquisitors to dodge..There's nothing to do. Nothing to do but what you wanted to do. What did you want to do?

You want to relax under a nice shady tree and tinker with your Blastmaster. The machine spirit was getting antsy and it was starting to affect your music. Best perform some placatory rites to hold it over till you can get it to a heretek for proper servicing. You find just such a tree relatively close by. It’s far away enough from town to ensure a little privacy and close enough for a pony to find you if they really needed to.

You set yourself down with an almighty thump and rest the Blastmaster on your armored lap. You release the seals on your helmet and lift it off with a sigh of relief. You’ve had that thing on for ages. It had been ages longer since your face actually felt sunlight. Real, undaemonic sunlight.

You pull a gem Spike gave you out of a small pouch on your belt and pop it into your mouth, crunching the thing into oblivion and feeling like a fucking boss as you do so. Yeah, you eat diamonds, what of it? It tastes strangely similar to a soulstone. Just with less tormented wailing and delicious souls.

You sigh and sit back and begin fiddling with your Blastmaster. A few quick ritual supplications later and the machine spirit is purring like a kitten. Then you pull another gem out of your pouch. An Eldar soulstone.

You open your weapon a insert the stone into the port you made for it. Your Blastmaster’s been good to you all these long millenia, why shouldn’t you be good to it? You smile as you hear the psychic scream the stone emits when your weapon devours the soul within. It was a custom modification, made with more than a little daemonic aid. You felt living soul energy really added a special touch to the music it made. All that raw emotion it produced just seemed to bleed into the sound. You’d really have to thank Doomrider for the help next time you saw him. He’s such a bro.

Now what to do, what to do? You pop the last of the gems in your mouth and slide your helmet back on. As you watch your HUD restart an idea comes to you. That Vinyl Scratch pony had invited you to hang out, didn’t she? That’s certainly a thing to do.

You rise to your feet and sling your Blastmaster over your shoulder. Time to go see what tiny wub pony is doing. You’re half way through the town when you realize that you actually have no idea where she lives. Well you could always just walk around till you found it. A pony like her should probably stick out.

A little while of walking later and you’re reasonably sure that you’ve found her house. Your reasoning for this being that the walls are shaking with the force of barely contained wubs. Figuring that you’re completely justified in your assumptions you walk up to the house and knock on the door a few times.

After a moment a harassed looking grey pony with black hair answers the door. She stares up at you in shock and awe for the barest of seconds before composing herself.

”Oh you must be Vinyl’s new friend from the party. Come in, come in.”

You duck low to enter the house and thank Slaanesh that you left your raptor pack at Twilight’s, else you’d have never been able to fit.

”So you’re the Anonymous Vinyl keeps talking about?” the pony asks conversationally.

You nod. “I am indeed Anonymous. It’s a pleasure to meet you, miss... “

She extends a hoof politely. “Octavia. I’m Vinyl’s room mate.”

You shake her hoof, hand almost encompassing the whole leg.

”So Vinyl talks about me?”

Octavia nods. “She hasn’t stopped since she got back from that party. Whatever you did you really made quite an impression with her, not a very easy feat I might add.”

”I am honored to be thought to highly of.”

Suddenly the world shaking wubs cease and a door slams.

A white blur speeds down the stairs and solidifies into Vinyl.

”Who’s talking about me?”

You lift a hand a hand in greeting. “Good morning, Vinyl.”

A huge grin splits her face. “Anon! You came to visit!”

"Indeed I did. I felt the need for the company of a musician on par with myself. I suppose you’ll do til I can find one.”

”Well alright then! Come on up and I’ll see what I can do about that weak mess you call music.”

You admire the sheer balls this pony has, even among your brothers few would dare to speak to you in such a way. You follow Vinyl up to her room with a quick polite nod to Octavia.

By Slaanesh her room is like a constant rave. Blacklights, turntables, empty bottles all over the place. Holy shit, were those lines of coke? Wait a second, no, it’s just salt. Huh, what would a pony do with lines of salt? Vinyl flips a switch and the blacklight is replaced with normal lights.

”Good seein’ ya again, Anon, how ya likin’ Ponyville so far?” she asks.

”Well it’s certainly... different from what I’m used to.”

”Well different’s always good.” she says. “So you want some cider? Or... can you even drink with that?”

”What?”

”Well your mouth, it looks weird, how do you even eat with it?”

Oh, she thinks your armor is what you really look like. That’s fucking adorable.

You chuckle and rap your fist on your chestplate. “No no, this isn’t my skin, it’s my armor.”

”Woah, you wear armor? That’s awesome!”

"It really is.” you agree.

”Well then just take off your helmet and I’ll grab us some cider.” she says, making her way over to a minifridge.

You hesitate. That may not be the best of ideas, your armor was frightening to be sure, but your face might actually terrify them. It’d been a rough ten millennia.

Vinyl returns with the cider levitating next to her. “Come on, man. Applejack makes some good cider.”

”Vinyl, it may not be the best idea for me to remove my helmet. You may find my appearance unsettling.”

Chaos knows most of humanity did.

”Aw come on, how bad could it be?”

Pony, you got no idea.

”Very well, if that is what you wish.” you relent.

You unseal your helmet and slowly pull it off. Vinyl’s eyes grow wide and she gasps a little.

”... woah.”

”Told you.” you say.

She just gapes at you, taking in every detail of your face. A pantheon star radiated outwards from your right eye, burned into the flesh many centuries past. The sigil of Slaanesh is carved around your left eye and arcing back over your bald scalp. Crawling black letters from a thousand different writing systems covered almost every inch of your skin. Lyrics to your favorite songs tattooed in their original languages from High Gothic, to xenos scripts, to the blasphemous language of daemons. Even your eyes had not been spared, the black letters were even tattooed into the gluttinous jelly of the whites.

And what probably captured her attention the most was your teeth. Diamond hard fangs like the maw of a shark. They were a gift from your patron for your years of faith, perfect for devouring soulstones. Even your tongue had the tattoos all over it. But that was reserved only for the greatest of songs.

”Dude, that’s so awesome!” Vinyl yells.

Wat? No, seriously. Wat.

”What?”

”Oh man, that’s probably the coolest thing I’ve ever seen! Do you have anymore tattoos?”

You nod hesitantly. “Yes, I’ve had songs from all around the galaxy scribed into my flesh. My entire body is covered in them.”

”Woah, your whole body?”

”That is correct.”

She grins. “Your WHOLE body?”

You do not like the look she’s giving you. Wait, what? No! Of course you fucking do! Fucking stupid...

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