Lately
Chapter 18: The lies I tell myself
Previous Chapter Next ChapterRead this!: Hello reader, before you continue reading this chapter I must ask you to read Lately's add-on story Here. This chapter is filled with Unwanted references, and is basically a continuation of it. It has simply become too large of a part of the story to be skipped. So I must ask you to go to Unwanted and read it before reading this, otherwise you will ruin it for yourself. If you've already read Unwanted you can proceed. Have fun, and don't forget telling me what you think.
The lies I tell myself.
The sound of the filly's little hooves hitting the cold, stone floor echoed through the empty hall. Luna's eyes grew wide in disbelief. What was a little filly doing out here in the Everfree Forest so late at night? Suddenly, the filly stopped in her tracks. She sat down on her haunches right in front of the princess. Her short, unkempt mane covered her face as she looked down at the ground.
For a few moments Luna just stood there, examining the silent filly. She didn't really know what to do, maybe she could get some information out of her. She lowered her head to the filly's eye level. “Hello? Who are you and why are you out here so late at night?” she whispered softly, trying not to frighten the foal.
Suddenly, the filly lifted her head, piercing Luna's light blue eyes with her own as a devious smile grew across her face. Luna felt a sudden shock of emotions rush through her. There was something so familiar about that smile but she couldn't really put her hoof on it. It felt so strange.. so innocent yet so daring.
“You don't even remember do you?” she whispered. “Was it really that long ago?” She extended her neck so that her mouth was aligned with Luna's ear. She could hear the filly breathing into it, yet she felt nothing. “Have you already forgotten that we belonged together?”
“What are you talking about?” She took a step back and examined the filly once again. “I don't even know you!” she said, her voice echoing through the empty castle. “I will ask you once more.” She said sternly. “Who are you?” Her eyes narrowed in irritation.
She shot Luna a caring smile. “Me? I am the dream that you are too afraid to dream. I am the voice that you are too afraid to listen to. I am the scream that you tried to silence..” she said. The filly's voice didn't seem to echo through the darkened halls. “I'm you.”
Those two words sent shivers down her spine. “What do you mean, you're me?” Luna asked curiously. The princess felt the a cold wind blow past her as snowflakes started to gently fall through the cracks in the ceiling and the broken windows.
“I am what you want me to be.” she said. She wore a concerned look on her face, as if she wanted to help Luna in some way. “I look like this because you want me to.”
A wave of fear hit Luna, creeping across her spine, sending shivers through her body. “Are you even a pony?” she asked as she carefully backed away from the filly, her hooves scrapping across the black, marble floors as she did.
“I'm you.” she repeated smilingly. Every time the filly spoke Luna felt a strange feeling in her heart. The filly's voice sounded so pleasing to her for some reason. The filly stepped closer to Luna, her bright, golden eyes looking straight into Luna's “Please Luna, try to remember!” she pleaded.
"You're my imagination! Why am I even talking to you! Leave me be!" She yelled, her words echoing loudly through the forest below.
The filly sighed as she walked over to Luna. "Let me show you." She got on the tip of her hooves and kissed the princess on the lips. Luna's eyes shot open in surprise as her world went black. The last thing she felt was her body hitting the cold, stone floor.
Rainbow looked down at the muddy ground beneath her hooves. A single snowflake fell on her muzzle, causing her to shake her head in an attempt to remove it. The realization was slowly creeping into her mind. Luna was here, she had to be. She looked up at the massive, intimidating fortress that stood atop the tallest hill that stood in the Everfree Forest. It's walls looked old and unstable. The decades of rain, pouring down the castle had turned the stone, white walls to a dull gray.
Suddenly, she felt a cold chill rush through her body as the freezing wind blew past their heads. She hadn't realized how cold it was until now. Shivering from head to hoof, the six ponies continued their lonely march through the forest. A thin layer of ice covered the dark, thick mud underneath their hooves. The sound of the cracking ice filled the air.
Luna was somewhere out there. Rainbow Dash had no idea of what to expect. It had all gone by so quickly. The kiss, the fight, Luna's disappearance... She began to wonder if it was really such a good idea. Luna was either going to be heartbroken or furious and Rainbow didn't know how to deal with either of them. Yet, there was something inside of her that told her to keep going.
She really didn't know how things got this way. She really didn't know how she ended up like this, on the run, looking for someone who probably never wanted to see her again. Nothing made sense, she just wanted to scream at the sky at the top of her lungs.
"Why did she freak out like that!?" Rainbow thought to herself. Just a week ago she was napping in the comfort of her cloud home, completely oblivious to the world around her. Now she was trotting through the darkest reaches of the dreaded Everfree Forest. "She could have just told me she was straight..." She lowered her head in sadness, her ears drooping back into her neck. "It's all just too much to think about!"
"Dashie? Fluttershy had trotted over to her side and was now looking into Rainbow's eyes with a look of concern. Rainbow looked back at the ground as she continued her lonesome march. Fluttershy sighed. "Don't worry Dash, We'll find her." she said in a caring tone.
Rainbow swiftly turned her head once more with a look of annoyance on her face. Her stance softened as she looked into her friends eyes. "That's not it Shy... It's just... Why am I doing this?" she sighed. "I just kissed her that's all. And now I'm suddenly the one who's supposed to fix... this." she said as she looked up at the black sky, it was still completely void of stars.
The path below their hooves started to get steeper. “Rainbow.. she's out there, cold and alone. Poor mare.. she must be so confused right now.” Fluttershy looked out over the darkened trees around them. The Forest seemed to be endless. It was even bigger than she imagined it to be. There were parts of the forest that nopony had seen in a thousand years.
"What do you mean confused? She's furious, she hates me!" Rainbow exclaimed. Fluttershy stopped in her tracks, causing the group to come to a halt. She walked closer to the pegasus, putting a comforting hoof on her shoulder.
"No, she doesn't hate you. I was once like her, hating who I was, not wanting to believe myself. Your kiss made her doubt herself again. She needs somepony to be there for her right now, and that pony is you."
Glass flew through the air as Luna burst through the stain-glass window, her wings spread wide open. The sound of the breaking glass echoed through the darkened reaches of the gloomy forest. She rapidly closed her wings in the air, causing her to burst through the sky. Maybe if she flew fast enough she could fly away from the troubles that haunted her.
“Leave me alone!” she whimpered as the wind blew past her face, a stream of tears flying through the air. “You're wrong! I won't believe you!” she screamed. All of the emotions, all of the nightmares, came back to her, pressing down on her fragile mind. Nothing made sense any more. She had to get away, as far away as possible. Her mind just kept screaming “Run away!”
She clumsily landed in a dark clearing, somewhere deep within the Everfree Forest, instantly collapsing on the cold, muddy floor with a loud thud. A stinging pain appeared in her side. She didn't care any more. Anything was better than the thoughts that filled her mind, she'd rather feel pain. The pain of her mind was worse than the pain of her body.
Her thoughts were so clouded. She just couldn't think straight any more with all of these emotion running through her head. She just wanted to scream, louder than ever before, until her throat gave in to the pressure. So felt so sad, so angry, but the worst part was that she didn't even know what she was sad about. She just felt raw emotions, stupid meaningless emotions. Or at least she thought so.
Her rage got the better of her. She screamed as she started firing black bolts of energy from her horn, crushing the stones and trees that surrounded her. The ashes slowly drifted past her head as she started to calm down. With nothing left to destroy the rage soon turned to sadness. Her eyes filled with tears as she collapsed once more, landing on her stomach in the cold mud.
“You can't run from me Luna.” A mysterious voice said. Luna quickly lifted her chin from the freezing mud. She saw the white filly, standing inches away from her, staring into her eyes. Luna struggled to get back on her hooves.
“Why won't you leave me be!?” She screamed as she ran away from the filly.
“What are you so afraid of!?” she heard the filly yell as she ran as fast her legs could take her. She had to make sharp turns to avoid hitting any of the shadowy trees that surrounded her. The only thing she heard was the sound of her hooves rapidly hitting the ground. Suddenly, she tripped over a stray root that stuck out of the frozen earth, causing her to fly through the air before she landed on a the ground with a loud thud, she could hear the ice beneath her body crack as her back hit the floor.
Luna could no longer ignore the pain she was feeling. Her landing in the cold, hard ice had bruised her skin quite a bit. Her entire body felt weak. She couldn't even muster the strength to stand. She lied on the ground, her chin resting in the cold, frozen mud as tears escaped from her eyes. "What did I do...to deserve this..."
"Nothing." Luna couldn't muster the strength to look up at the filly but she knew it was her. Who else could it have been? "You did nothing that's the point! It's not fair so stop acting like it is!" The filly walked over to Luna, lying on the ground. She started pushing against Luna's body until the princess laid on her stomach.
"What is!? I don't even know what you're talking about!" Luna whimpered, her tears rolling off her face. "Why won't you just leave me alone!?" she sobbed.
"I just want to help you! Why won't you let me help!?" The filly yelled, the cold, raging wind blowing past their heads. "I love you Luna! And because I love you, I would rather have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies!" The filly seemed to be crying as well. "Why can't you see that you've become stuck between regret for the past and fear for the future!?" The filly walked closer to Luna, wrapping her arms around Luna's neck. Strangely enough, Luna couldn't feel the filly's touch on her skin. "I know you remember her Luna..." she sobbed. "I know you remember Lily!"
Luna's apathy was replaced by anger. She pushed the Filly away, causing her to land in the frozen mud, The ice didn't seem to break underneath her weight. "That was just a phase!" Luna screamed in anger. "I grew up! I like colts! I've always liked colts!"
"Who are you trying to convince!? You can't lie to me Luna, you can't lie to yourself!" The filly yelled back with a hint of anger in her voice. "You can close your eyes to what you don't want to see, but you cannot close your heart to what you don't want to feel!" The filly looked Luna straight in the eyes. "You're gay Luna!"
"Shut up!" Luna screamed as she kicked the filly with her hind-legs, causing her to roll over the frozen floor until her body collided with a large rock. Luna felt her stomach turn at the filly's words. She had never felt as nauseous as she did at that exact moment. "I'm not gay!" she screamed at the crying filly, lying in the thin snow. Luna collapsed into the snow, lying next to the weeping foal as tears started to escape from her eyes.
The filly crawled over to Luna's body, wrapping her arms around her as they lied on the snowy floor. "Luna... I know you feel it every day... I know you miss her... I know you still...love her." Luna could no longer hold her tears. It felt as if she had been sleeping for all these years and she finally awakened. All of the barriers that she had placed in her mind to protect herself from the truth started to crumble around her.
She hugged the filly in a tight embrace, that's all that she wanted to do at that moment. The filly wiped her tears as she looked into Luna's eyes, the princess could hear her sniffling in her arms. Those bright, golden eyes caused something to stir in Luna. A feeling that she hadn't felt in a long time. "I waited for you.." she sobbed. "Every night I sat on that balcony! Looking at the horizon, searching for you! But you never came! I waited in the rain! In the freezing cold! Where were you when I needed you!?"
"Luna..." The filly said softly. "You know I'm not her... Lily's gone, she isn't coming back. You've spent your whole life running and running, trying to catch up with something that was never even there for you.. And all you've done is go farther and farther away form the precious love that's been waiting for you all along.." The filly said before her image flowed away with the wind.
"Wait!" Luna yelled. "What do you mean!?" there was no answer, only the frigid wind that raged in her ears. She was alone again, but this time it felt different. The heavy feeling that she had been feeling for far too long was finally gone. A liberating sensation filled every inch of her body. She closed her eyes, smiling contently as tears rolled down her face. Her mane flowed through the air as the wind blew past her head.
"Luna!?" She turned her head to see Rainbow Dash, sitting in the snow behind her. She looked like she hadn't slept in days, her mane was wet and filthy, and several wounds covered her body. "Rainbow!" Luna yelled as she rushed into the pegasus' arms, crying softly as she did. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"
Rainbow responded by wrapping her arms around the weeping princess. "For what?" Rainbow asked in a confused tone, still surprised at the fact that Luna hadn't kicked her the moment she saw her.
"For waking me up..."
"The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy." -Richard Bach, American Writer.
AN: I hope you enjoyed this long-awaited chapter just as much as I did. Please leave me a comment telling me what you think!
Next Chapter: I never told you Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 50 Minutes