An annoying ringing fills my ears, waking me. With a groan, I shift uncomfortably beneath my covers, wishing the alarm would cease. I even pull a pillow over my head in a futile attempt to drown it out. When that doesn't work, I sigh and blindly grope about the headboard for my cell phone.

I look at the display. According to its clock, it's 8:31 AM. It's a Friday morning, and I can't for the life of me remember why I would set my alarm so early. It isn't like my unemployed ass has anywhere to be; if I'd planned to be in town today, I wouldn't have had to set the alarm. Both of my parents are home today.

Shutting off the alarm function on my phone, I lie back in bed staring at the ceiling. The cool breeze of the air conditioning unit in the window across from the foot of my bed reminds me that beneath the blankets, I'm barely clothed.

Fighting against my better judgment, I rise out of bed and turn off the AC. My whole body is slightly chilled from the night of lying in front of the AC unit. “Fuck, if only I didn't need to be so cold to sleep,” I mumble to myself.

I look down to the floor of my room at the carpet of clothing. There's hardwood beneath the clothes-pile at the side of my bed, but because I'm lazy and I don't particularly care for the cold floor on my feet when I first wake up, I generally just discard previously worn clothes there. I'm a slob and I'm not the least bit proud, but when I stopped giving a shit in life, I became lazier than before.

Plucking my dressing gown off the floor, I don the robe and look at my desktop computer. It's in hibernation mode, just like it usually is in the mornings. Walking up to it, I tap the power button on the monitor. I follow up with the tap of a key on my keyboard before glancing left at my closed bedroom door.

I really should get a shower and some breakfast. I may live like a slob, but it's no excuse to not eat properly. Checking my email and everything else can wait. It's not like any messages on FIMFiction haven't been waiting all night anyway. Ponies are probably eager to hear news about Chapter 22 of ‘Displaced’, but they'll just have to wait until I get the okay from my editors.

Content that I'm making the right choice, I creep off into my bathroom. After a glass of cold water and a hot shower, I'm left feeling much more human. Gazing at the mirror, I contemplate shaving the scruffy stubble from my jaw. “Fuck it. I'll do it tomorrow.”

A voice calls from the other side of the bathroom door. “Soren, don't forget we're going into town today. We need to pick up groceries for this afternoon.”

Oh, right. My two sisters, their husbands, and my adorable niece are going to be joining us in the afternoon, and I'll be making burgers. “Alright, Mom. Just let me eat breakfast, and get dressed. I also need to read my messages.”

“Sure,” Mom replies. “Just don't sit there on your computer all morning.”

Once I have a toasted peanut butter sandwich in my system, I run back upstairs. Forcing the door open, I step through and quickly shut it behind me. Neither the cats or the dogs are allowed in my bedroom. It's my own private fortress, and I'd prefer it to stay that way.

I pull out my rocking chair, and waggle my mouse to wake the monitor again. Once the computer is fully operational, I sit down in my chair, and open my email client. As usual, there's the regular lot of spam that accumulates in the mornings, but nothing from my editors yet. I feel a bit disappointed, as I really want to get the chapter published, but I know that quality is preferable over quickness.

Tiredly, I dispatch the useless messages, and switch over to my web browser. I quickly check all my usual web-comics and less-than-savory Tumblr blogs that I follow. Just as I'm about to get up, however, my email client notifies me of a new message. Intrigued, I open the window back up, and a bizarre message catches my eye.

Someone by the name of T00tyFruityLyra1996—notably lacking any recognizable email host—has sent me a message. The subject line reads only ‘HELP!’ Interestingly enough, the message preview wouldn't display. Normally, I wouldn't give deleting such an email a second thought, but there’s something about it that calls to me. Against my better judgment, I double-click the email, and am immediately treated to an incomprehensible jumble of characters, spaces, and line breaks.

“Gaerdohjno epiaghpaeigh vapernpiernb aepwwpiripnb apribnkrlan.” I can't be sure, but judging by the sender's handle, they seem to be role-playing a pony who has somehow gained access to a computer and the Internet. They might even be 'frustrated' at their inability to type with their hooves.

Eh, I'm feeling playful. I don't see why I can't have a bit of fun indulging them in this role-play of theirs. In a reply, I type out the message “It seems you are having troubles using a keyboard. Perhaps you would have better luck with voice communication? Feel free to contact me by my Skype alias, Seven.Fates. Your friend, Soren.” What’s the worst that can happen? At worst, they turn into some nutjob and I block them. End of story, right?

I didn't expect a timely response, so you can imagine my surprise when Skype begins ringing almost immediately. Thrown for a loop, I reach over to where I left my headset, and quickly place it on my head. With a moment's hesitation, I click 'Answer.'

“Hello? Is this thing working?” There's a lot of static on the line, and a distinct distortion to her voice, but it's definitely female. “Ugh, I hope I got the right person.”

“Tooty Fruity Lyra I take it?” I can barely contain my laughter. “I've gotta say, your voice isn't quite as I imagined.”

“Sorry,” she replied. “I suppose I should explain... A few months ago, I found one of these human contraptions—I think you call it a laptop. I don't understand too well how it works, but I managed to access this thing called the Internet. I was always fascinated with humans, so you can imagine how happy I am to have an endless repository of human knowledge at my hooves.”

“... so the fandom was right then? You're obsessed with humans?”

“Obsessed is such a fickle word. I prefer the term intrigued. Anyways... I found out that there's a link between our two worlds... and apparently we’re some kind of cartoon to you guys?” She coughs indignantly. “Anyway... While I don't approve of some of the things this 'fandom' of yours does, I'd still like to know a whole lot about humans!”

“So... You decided to try to get into contact with humans?”

“Kinda...” She sounds embarrassed. “I actually have a proposal. I know that there are many 'Bronies' who would die for a chance to go to experience Equestria through the eyes of a pony, and I would love to experience Earth through the eyes of a human.” Her voice sounds even more chipper now. “I know becoming a human male wasn't my first choice, but you're the only one to respond to my message. So... Up for a little vacation?”

I slam my palm into my face. Surely she knows her role-play sounds utterly ridiculous, right? “Just for the sake of sating my curiosity, how in Equestria do you propose we do this?”

“Oh, that's easy!” She giggles like a little girl. “I bribed Twilight into getting me into the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the Canterlot Archives. Once I found a spell for transdimensional exchanges, I just had to try it at least once.”

“Say I agree... What then?” This sounds crazier and crazier... I really should end this. “How long would this body swap last?”

“A week!” she cheers. “Does that mean you'll say yes? Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

“Sure... why not?” I roll my eyes.

“Great! This will just take a second. Enjoy your trip to Equestria, but don't do anything weird to anypony.”

The computer tower begins to hum very loudly. This humming was quickly escalating into a screech as the case starts glowing. “Oh Jesus, what the fuck? I just fixed you, damn it!” The following explosion catapults me clear across the room.

The impact as I collided with the bookshelf beside my bed must have knocked me out, because when I open my eyes, my parents are standing in the room. They're quickly exchanging worried glances between the smoldering wreckage of my computer tower, and me. They seem to be whispering something to each other, but my ears are still ringing from the explosion.

Gingerly, I bring a hand to the back of my head. There's an angry welt there that I need to soothe desperately. When my arm crosses into my vision, however, I find an unfamiliar limb coated in aquamarine fur. Fearfully, I let my eyes wander further down the end of the limb, which is capped in a cute little hoof. Tentatively, I bring my other hand out to my face, only to be again greeted by an aquamarine foreleg.

Panic bubbling up inside of me, I turn my head to face the small mirror embedded in my headboard. When I see not my own pasty white skin and blue eyes, but equally familiar gold-orange eyes, a horn, and a cyan mane with white highlights, I can't help but scream. In my panic, I scramble backwards off of the foot of my bed, landing in a heap.

I peek out at my parents from beneath the pile of blankets that had fallen on me. “This is some sort of sick joke, right?” I manage to whimper in an incredibly feminine voice. “This is just a nightmare, and I'm going to wake up, right?”

My parents exchange looks of anxious confusion. My father is the first to speak, asking, “Who or what are you, and what have you done with our son?”

Panicky, I shout back, “I am your son!”

Mom is clearly unconvinced by just that. “Prove it.”

“I was born on October 21st, 1990! Your water broke, but you never went into labor, so they had to induce it!” I say anxiously. “I had a cat that I named for a spider on television, and a dog named for a whale!”

They both exchange blank looks, and then stare at me. It’s incredibly unnerving, though nowhere near as much as being a female pony is.

“Soren... What happened to you?” Dad says at last.

“I don't know...” I whimper. “There was this prank call on Skype... and then my computer exploded! When I opened my eyes, you two were standing there giving me funny looks, and I was like this!”

Uneasily, I try to stand. Not being used to standing on hooves, I can hardly be faulted for not being steady on my feet, right? Of course I fell flat on my ass repeatedly. Still, being covered in a blanket or two, and being on a carpet of discarded clothing isn't making getting up any easier. Shaking off the blanket, I turn to stare at my bed.

Surely the ponies aren't really this small. My bed is up to my throat now. It's supposed to be just above my knees! Putting my forelegs up onto the bed, I try to kick off the floor and scramble onto the bed. That worked about as well can be expected when you're not used to your limbs. The action leaves me with my belly and forelegs on the bed, and my back end hanging off.

I swish my tail in annoyance at the indignity of it. I don't mean to, but it just sort of happens. I might have been thrilled to contemplate the new experiences that would have come with this squat equine form if I wasn't so mortified by the implications. We are having guests this afternoon, and now I look like this. How can I possibly appear before them like this?

“So you're not only a unicorn...” Mom says after a moment's pause. “But you're a mare with some sort of harps on her flanks now, too?”

“Don't remind me...” I whine. “Don't you all have some shopping to do? I mean, you can't just cancel the gathering. Hillary and Klein flew out all the way from Alberta, and this is the only opportunity you'll probably get to see them. You haven't seen Valerie or Greg in a while, and I know you're dying to see your granddaughter.”

“And what will you do? Just lay up here in bed and pretend you don't exist?”

“That'd be preferable...” I mumble, dragging myself onto the bed. I bury my head in my pillows before saying, “Just tell them I came down with something.”

Dad watches me for a long moment, his eyes unreadable. “Alright, but just so you know, once the reunion is over, we need to have a talk about this prank call.” He coughs into his hand and goes for the door. “I know that you know more than you're letting on.”

“I promise, I'll tell you both everything I know.” I look at Mom just as she is moving to join Dad. “Do you think you guys could pick me up a salad? If I do somehow get my body back, I think the pony this body belongs to would be pretty pissed to find out I've been feeding her meat.”

She gives me a weak smile and a shake of her head. “Sure thing, Soren.” Mom quickly exits the room, but then as an afterthought, pops her head back in the doorway. “I'll put the dogs downstairs, just in case you do decide to leave your room.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I'm almost in tears from the sheer anxiety of everything that is going on. “I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetie.”

Author's Notes:

Edited by ReFro.

Re-edit run begins 10 July 2017