G.I. Rain
by DontWannaKnow
Chapters
Prologue
G.I. Rain
Prologue
Rainbow Dash lay in a prone position on the dusty third floor observation deck of what used to be Canterlot Castle, hugging the ground in a desperate attempt to stay as low as possible. Wiping away the sweat that beaded on her forehead she steadied herself and put her eye back up to the scope, pivoting her rifle slightly on its tripod. Surges of adrenaline sharpened her senses and motor skills, allowing her to draw a bead on the small, cracked window pane of a storefront door she was aiming for. She couldn’t see the enemy shooter, but he was almost certainly nearby the window, and she hoped to flush him out with a close call.
“About six hundred yards…” she whispered to herself estimating the distance to her target. “Three mils to the left…no, one mil back…good, now two up…” she continued, making the fine scope adjustments required to compensate for wind speed, direction, and distance. Dash had never sniped alone and it was, as she was quickly discovering, damned difficult. Normally Corkscrew, her spotter, would be looking down range and calling the shots, but Corkscrew was unavailable at the moment due mostly to the gaping exit wound in the back of his skull. They had been pinned down for hours, and the enemy marksman had them dialed in, dead on. The two ponies had discovered this the hard way when Corkscrew had peeked over the edge of the railing to try and get a fix on their adversary. No sooner had he raised his binoculars than the sharp report of a high-powered rifle tore through the air and a hollow point round drilled right through the left lens and subsequently his eye socket, making its way out the back of his head and imbedding itself somewhere in the wall behind. Dash, too terrified to move more than an inch and preoccupied with the possibility of her own impending death, had failed to notice that the warmth she felt under her belly was a steadily growing pool of her friend’s still warm blood.
The pressure was getting to her. She had the high ground advantage, but below all along Canterlot’s Mane Street were hundreds of places in which her enemy could be holed up. Corkscrew’s sacrifice had helped narrow down the options, but Dash still couldn’t pinpoint the exact location the shot had come from. She was running out of rounds and running out of time as she methodically scoped out each spot, hoping to see some sign of her invisible opponent. As the sun slowly descended behind her, she knew it was only a matter of time before the darkness came and left her without hope. She’d be unable to see anything, and the other sniper, knowing her exact location, could easily call in backup to hunt her down.
Just when all seemed lost, the setting sun flashed for an instant across something metallic in a heap of rubble not five yards from the storefront window she had in her sights. Her adrenaline surged and instinct took over as Rainbow Dash redirected her aim, and fired. Almost simultaneously she saw a muzzle flash from the street below and felt a sharp pain in her shoulder. Then everything was silent – no more return fire, just the faint echo of the two shots bouncing off far away mountains. The other sniper had grazed her left shoulder, but the wound was superficial. Dash folded up her tripod, picked up her gear bags, and with rifle at the ready she glided cautiously from the deck down to street level, keeping her weapon trained on the enemy’s position, slowly making her way down the road to check her kill.
As she drew near she heard a series of gurgling noises that sounded like a partially clogged sink, punctuated by sporadic coughing and spitting. Dash found the enemy gunner hidden under an old tarp in a pile of trash and debris on the corner of a small alleyway. Her round had caught the yellow-maned earth pony in her throat, and now she lay dying, drowning in her own ichor, deep crimson blotches staining her coat.
“Let her suffer,” Rainbow Dash thought to herself, “she killed Corkscrew, and almost killed me…let her die in pain and fear.” But despite all the horrors that war had thrust upon her, she held still in her heart the voices of her friends, telling her to be kind, or at least merciful. With a grim sense of duty, Dash pulled from a holster on her back a 12 gauge pump shotgun and pointed it at the dying pony. The weapon had been made into a good sidearm by the previous owner, who had sawed off the stock and most of the barrel to make it more portable. Dash briefly remembered the day she’d been given the gun – the day before she left for hoof camp. “I like to keep this handy,” Applejack had said, “for close encounters, but I want you to have it. See you on the battlefield Dashie.” Tears had welled in both ponies’ eyes, each hoping against hope as they said their goodbyes that one day they would see each other again.
This moment of reminiscence was cut short by a choking cough as the yellow pony reached up feebly and grabbed at Dash’s shotgun. At first it looked like a desperate attempt to fight back, but the earth pony pulled the barrel down, pointing it at her
own forehead, her eyes pleading and streaming with tears as she gazed up at the Pegasus. As the adrenaline faded and the terrible gravity of the situation began to sink in, Dash fought back tears of her own, and looking down, spoke with the greatest sincerity. “I’m so sorry,” she said, vision blurring as her eyes grew watery.
Rainbow Dash closed her eyes, sighed deeply, and pulled the trigger.
Something Strange...
Chapter One
Something Strange
It was one of those warm, indian summer days, when beautifully colored leaves rustled under a clear sky, whispering the last tales of the hot season and murmuring gossip of the coming cold. It was the kind of day when Rainbow Dash couldn’t resist a long nap in the branches of her favorite tree, head buried in a soft feather pillow as the gently passing breeze caressed her body. In short, life was, at the moment, simply divine. Dash rolled about lazily and sighed with content, the most pressing matter on her mind being whether or not she should go find a snack now, or go find a snack later…or just continue snoozing indefinitely. She’d all but settled on this latter notion when thumping hooves and manic shouting startled her out of her reverie.
“RainbowDashRainbowDashRainbowDashRainbowDash…!” Pinkie Pie was jumping up and down in a circle around the base of the tree demanding her attention. Dash had half a mind to fly down there and stuff her pillow in the hyperactive pony’s mouth, but she knew better than to ignore Pinkie. Despite being frequently obnoxious, often unbearably cheerful, and a borderline public nuisance, Pinkie Pie always had the skinny on what was going down in Ponyville. Whether she garnered information through her massive social circle or her inexplicable "Pinkie Sense”, she was like a walking, talking, babbling newspaper, and there was always a chance that the news was something important.
“…DashRainbowDashRainbowDashRain…”
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!” Dash bellowed, poking her head down from the treetop to glower at her friend. Pinkie, unfazed, began her apparently urgent report:
“Okie so Rarity told me that Twilight told her to tell me to tell you to come to the library because Fluttershy told Twi that something is up! Sumthin’s up sumthin’s up sumthin’s up sumthin’s up…!” she began this new chant and resumed hopping around the tree. Dash picked up an apple core left over from her lunch earlier and chucked it at Pinkie, missing as the pony darted off toward the center of town. “Come oooooooooooooon” she hollered as she galloped away, finally leaving Dash in blissful silence again. If it had been another one of Pinkie’s stupid parties or bake sales, she wouldn’t have hesitated to go right back to napping, but if Twilight was requesting her presence, it had to be something worth seeing to.
Since her arrival in Ponyville a decade ago, Twilight Sparkle had become the town’s most beloved citizen, her incredible feats of heroism and magic, combined with her kindness and humility, had made her famous far and wide. Five years previously – upon the retirement of the old Mayor – Twilight had been elected to the office by a nearly unanimous decision. She had been reluctant to accept the position at first, but in the end it was a wise decision, for Ponyville had prospered under her watch. No longer just a speck on the map, the once small town had grown rapidly into a bustling city that nearly rivaled Canterlot, as well as a premier destination for ponies across Equestria. They came in droves to attend the flashy shows put on by Rarity, whose once small clothing boutique had grown into a veritable fashion empire. They flocked to Sweet Apple Acres to sample what were now known as the best apples in Equestria. Even Dash herself had become something of a public personality, having started her own flying show group called the Rainbolts, as a tribute – and partly as a challenge – to her own favorite flying group, the Wonderbolts. They put on daring stunt displays at numerous fairs and occasions in Ponyville and many other towns and cities. Most of all though, ponies came from all corners of the map hoping to meet Twilight Sparkle, who was not only a respected political figure and the heroine who had vanquished Night Mare Moon and Discord, but also the personal protégée of Princess Celestia herself.
Yet still, in the midst of all her rising fame, Twilight had remained the humble, caring, and trustworthy friend that Dash had always known. She never ceased to share the credit for her feats with her friends, and despite her busy life she was always there for Dash. In fact, along with Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack – and Pinkie of course – they were closer than ever. Though they held no official positions, Twi constantly relied on her five friends for support and advice, making them a sort of informal city council and respected members of the community. They held their meetings in the privacy of Twilight’s library, which was where Dash assumed they would be now. “I swear this place is bigger every time I come here,” she thought to herself as she arrived. Since her election, Twi’s book collection had grown exponentially, requiring a few expansions to her home. The once unremarkable tree had, with the help of a little unicorn magic, grown to enormous proportions and was one of the tallest in Ponyville, a massive tower containing everything from ancient tomes to the latest lexicons.
Upon entering, the first face Dash saw was Rarity’s – not in person but beaming up at her from the cover of this month’s ‘Mane and Tail,’ which lay on a small reading table by the library door. She had completely forgotten that this month was Rarity’s fourth annual ‘Fashion Passion’ show, and made a mental note to give the other Rainbolts a heads up, as they would undoubtedly be performing at the event. She also made a note to discuss with Rarity the timing of the pyrotechnics. Last year, Corkscrew, one of her best fliers, had nearly been killed by a volley of fireworks. Only his superior agility had saved his life, weaving and dodging through the explosives. Corkscrew still bore a burn scar on his left flank from one particularly close call.
Dash picked up the magazine and flipped through it, catching glimpses of various models – including Fluttershy – sporting Rarity’s garments, as well as the pony herself, bejeweled and clad in one of her newest ensembles, her photo accompanied by a five page interview in which she discussed her meteoric rise to fashion fame. Just then, the sound of delicately treading hooves outside the library door hailed the arrival of the real Rarity. Dash quickly closed the magazine and tossed it back onto the table – the last thing Rarity needed was a further inflated ego, and seeing Dash – who never read anything ever – looking at her latest interview would be of little help. Rarity rapped on the door and Dash opened it, motioning for her to enter.
The purple-maned unicorn was quite a sight. Her tresses were done up in knots and braids so complex Rainbow Dash felt dizzy just thinking of how such a coiffure might have been fashioned. Her tail was curled slightly more modestly, but by day to day standards it was still quite dressy. Not a hair was out of place on her shiny, milk-white coat, and the purple lacquer on her hooves suggested a recent hooficure. Her beautiful lavender dress was bejeweled with variously sized rubies, and accompanied by a matching collar which bore one particularly large gem (a gift from Spike, whose crush on Rarity – though technically a ‘secret’ – was all but common knowledge). To top off the flashy outfit was a diamond-encrusted sterling silver tiara, a gift that Dash and the other four had pooled their money to buy for Rarity’s birthday last month. It may have been a little taxing on their finances, but considering Rarity’s accomplishments over the past few years, it was well-deserved. She had been stunned and overjoyed upon receiving the gift, and since then had scarcely gone anywhere without wearing it. Rarity had an uncanny ability to dress elegantly without seeming snobbish. Today’s getup, however, seemed quite a lot, even for a fashionable pony.
“Wow Rarity,” Dash mused “you look…”
“Gorgeous? Stunning? Lovely? Dazzling? Magnifique?” Rarity prompted.
“Umm…all of the above, I guess,” said Dash, not having much to say that Rarity hadn’t already covered.
“Why thank you!” came her satisfied response. At that moment Rarity finally seemed to snap out of her own little world and take note of her surroundings. She and Dash were the only ones there. “Oh dear, did I miss the meeting? Ugh, I only meant to run home and get cleaned up, but then I started fiddling with my hair, and I’ve just been dying to try out this new dress, and then…”
“Oh yeah, that reminds me,” Dash interjected, “Why, exactly, are we here? Did Twi really call a meeting or did Pinkie just trick me into coming to another one of her parties?”
“Oh no,” Rarity replied, “Twi told me to round everypony up, and fast. I take it from the look on your face that I haven’t missed anything?”
“Nope, I’m the only one here and I got no idea what’s going on. I think I heard somebody bumping around on one of the upper floors but I dunno who…” Suddenly, as if on cue, Twilight Sparkle came trotting down the spiral staircase, followed closely by Spike, carrying a very large stack of books. With a sigh of relief, the baby dragon dropped them on the floor and sat down, wiping the sweat off his brow.
“I…am…not…meant…to carry…that many…books,” he puffed, sweating from the exertion. However when his eyes fell on Rarity he stood up and stifled his breathing in an attempt to look casual “but, it’s all in a day’s work. Thank goodness I got these babies,” he said, flexing his tiny biceps. Twilight and Rarity attempted to suppress their laughter, but Dash chuckled heartily, making no effort to hide her amusement.
“Spike, you are priceless,” she declared. After a minute though, her mind returned to the matter at hand. “So, um, Twi, what in the heck is so urgent? I was taking a very important nap, so this better be good…”
“Trust me, it’s…wait, Rarity, what’s with the attire?” Twilight asked, looking cockeyed at her overdressed friend.
“Well, when I heard we were having an important meeting, I figured it couldn’t hurt to show up looking fabulous,” the unicorn explained with nonchalance.
“Fair enough,” Twilight shrugged. “Hey, does anyone know where Pinkie is?”
“Last time I saw her she was heading in this general direction,” Dash told her, “but I haven’t the slightest idea where she is now…” The three ponies paused for a moment as what had been a faint background noise now steadily grew louder into the unmistakable sound of a gallop. “Oh, please don’t let that be…”
The door burst open and numerous balloons, streamers, and a cannon-full of confetti came raining down on them. Pinkie Pie exploded into the room, party hat on head and noisemakers in hand, spinning and creating a rattling ruckus. The pink pony sported a grin so wide it bordered on the psychotic, and before anyone could say anything, she erupted into a lively tune.
“HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FROM PINKIE PIE TO YOU! SO GLAD IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY, SO I CAN PARTY TOO, HEY!!!” she sang, zipping about the room like a firecracker. “Surprise!…Wait whose birthday is it again?”
“NOBODY’S!!!” the other three ponies snapped in irritated unison.
“Well,” chimed Pinkie, “No harm in celebrating a regular day!” she began dancing and singing again “HAPPY HAPPY REG…”
“FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA PINKIE COULD YOU JUST CAN IT FOR TEN SECONDS?!” Dash shouted.
“Party pooper!” Pinkie crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue.
“Whatever,” Dash replied, teeth clenched in exasperation, “just be quiet, you’re gonna give me a migraine.
“Ooh! Ooh” the spastic pony jumped up and down “I know a song that cures migraines!”
“Oh no!” Dash thought, wracking her brain for an excuse to escape. She could already feel the beginnings of a massive headache coming on, until her eyes fell on a plate of apple fritters that sat on the reading table. In a moment of desperation she grabbed one and crammed it in Pinkie’s mouth.
“Mmmm mram, daffs grood! Franksh!” Pinkie said through a mouthful of food, spraying crumbs all about. She hadn’t stopped talking, but at least the singing was over. Twi and Rarity gave Dash subtle glances of relief and gratitude as the library returned to relative quiet.
As Dash stuffed another fritter in Pinkie’s face, she suddenly began to wonder; if there were apple fritters here, accompanied, she now noticed by apple pie, and apple turnovers, then…
“Where’s Applejack?” She inquired.
“Mrah, am werf Frushy?” Sprayed Pinkie
“I was wondering that myself,” said Rarity as she tried to dodge the crumbs and spittle that were now flying freely form Pinkie Pie’s mouth.
“they’re upstairs,” Twilight told them, lowering her voice “apparently Fluttershy saw something strange this morning and it scared her to death, the poor thing. A.J.’s trying to calm her down and coax it out of her.”
“HAH!” Dash laughed, “What was it? A Jackrabbit? A penny lying face-down? Her own shadow?”
“Don’t you dare start, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight warned, “She’s already distraught and if you make things worse I swear I’ll buck you into next week.”
Dash yawned and rolled her eyes, but left it at that. Twilight was a bookish pacifist by nature, but she could raise hell if she wanted to. In fact, aside from the Princesses Celestia and Luna, she was quite possibly the most powerful pony in Equestria, both magically and politically. Even Celestia herself claimed she’d never seen a unicorn with such raw magical talent, that being the reason she’d taken Twi on as her personal understudy.
“So did you get any idea at all what’s troubling the her?” Rarity asked.
“Not really,” sighed Twilight, “I left her with A.J. ‘cause I figured she’d be more comfortable with someone more patient. You know me, I tend to pry…”
“Now Twilight you mustn’t be ridiculous, you’re a wonderful friend,” Rarity admonished.
“Thanks Rarity, but…” Twi stopped short at the sound of a door opening upstairs. Down the spiral steps came Applejack, gently leading an anxious looking Fluttershy. When they reached the bottom, the two exchanged a few whispers before A.J. turned to address the group in her thick southern drawl.
“Well, I’m glad y’all are here. Fluttershy’s ready to get talkin’ if’n yer all ready to get to listenin’” She emphasized the last word as her gaze fell upon Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah yeah,” Dash muttered under her breath as the other ponies nodded in agreement. Fluttershy gingerly stepped forward, helped along by a little nudge from A.J.
“It’s alright sugar cube,” Applejack told her. Even Dash began to wonder if there was something serious going on. Fluttershy was always freaking out about this or that, but this was pretty extreme even for her.
“I…I…” the bashful Pegasus struggled to begin, “I saw this carriage…and…and…it was making these funny noises…and it was…it was…moving…it was moving by it…”
“BWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!” Dash erupted into laughter, unable to hold it in for even one sentence. Tears streamed down her face as she heaved in spasmodic hysteria, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!?” she demanded between side-splitting guffaws, “ARE YOU FREAKIN’ SERIOUS?!” she crossed her eyes and cocked her brows, assuming a tone of mock seriousness as she waved her arm through the air as if to indicate a newspaper headline “Breaking News: Equestria up in Arms as Squeaky Carriage Moves and Makes Funny Noises!” As she continued barking with laughter Fluttershy burst into tears and ran back upstairs, followed by Applejack and Pinkie Pie, both of whom shot venomous glances at Dash. Twilight began to follow but stopped for a moment to speak to Rarity.
“Don’t worry dear, I’ll handle it” said Rarity casually. Twi nodded curtly and then followed the others upstairs. Rarity turned to Rainbow Dash, who lay on the ground still trying to catch her breath “You just don’t learn, do you Dash?” She said shaking her head, “and on the one day I had my hair just so…” she continued, muttering more to herself. “Rainbow Dash?” she prompted.
“Yeah Rar?” Dash asked, still wiping away tears.
“Do you remember the last time you upset Fluttershy like that?” Rarity continued.
“Yeah!” Dash chuckled “She accidentally ate those bad mushrooms over by the bog and spent the entire day running from her own tail! That was a crackup!”
“She was horrified you insensitive cur!” Rarity snapped, her voice rising. “But anyway,” she continued, her cadence returning to calm indifference “Do you remember what I said to you that day?”
“You said next time you’d slap me upside the…”
WHAP!
Rarity struck like a lightning bolt, her hoof hitting Dash’s jaw with the kind of augmented speed only unicorn magic could produce. Dash’s head spun around on her neck like a corkscrew. She dropped to the floor like a sack of bricks, the taste of blood in her mouth.
“Owww!” Dash exclaimed, spitting out the blood that was filling her mouth, “I didn’t think you meant it literally! Where’d you learn to hit like that?”
“It’s a long story,” Rarity told her, “now go apologize to Fluttershy before I have to do it again. And mean it.”
“Okay, okay!” Dash hurried up the stairs. As she approached the door to the second floor library she caught a snippet of the other ponies’ conversation. Unable to resist the urge to eavesdrop, she stopped outside and listened.
“No,” Fluttershy was saying, sounding frustrated and insistent “It wasn’t like the trains in Canterlot! There was no track, it was just moving along by itself and making these chuggy rumbly noises…it was loud and I didn’t know what to do so I came back here as fast as I could.”
“Didja see where it was headin’?” A.J. asked
“It looked like it was heading for Canterlot, but I don’t know why it would,” replied Fluttershy.
“There’s all kinds of wacky things out there, Fluttershy…” Pinkie chimed in.
“You bein’ a one of ‘em,” laughed Applejack.
“Guilty as charged,” Pinkie affirmed with pride. “So, I mean, it’s probably nothin’ to worry about. Anyway, Rainbow Dash is hiding outside the door listening to us, so I think she’s got something to say.”
How does she do that? Dash wondered as she stepped into the room. A.J., Twi, and Pinkie glared at her and Fluttershy turned away. They stood in silence for a moment, tension mounting.
“You got somethin’ to say chuckles?” A.J. broke the ice.
“Fluttershy, I…”
“It’s okay Rainbow,” Fluttershy cut her off, looking at her for the first time. Dash’s heart sank when she saw her friend’s watery eyes and tear-stained cheeks.
“No, no it’s not. I’m sorry for being such a jerk, and I promise I’ll never do it again.”
“Thanks Rainbow,” replied Fluttershy a smile forming at the corners of her mouth. Dash felt her eyes begin to tear up as she ran over to hug her friend.
“Pegasisters?” Dash prompted.
“Pegasisters,” Fluttershy confirmed, smiling fully now. The other ponies’ cold stares began to melt, and soon all was forgiven.
“Dinner and drinks?” Dash suggested. Everpony nodded in assent, and off they went.
Girls Night Out
Chapter 2
Girls’ Night Out
After an emotional afternoon, a night out in Ponyville seemed like just what the six friends needed. Dash realized it’d been a long time since all of them had been out together like this, and she offered to treat them all to salad and beer at The Rusty Bucket, her favorite little dive bar. Rarity, however, had other plans.
“Darling,” she laughed, “The Bucket isn’t where you start your evening, it’s where you end up, doing jello shots and cart bombs…” she spoke from experience, that much was obvious, “let us kick off our night somewhere with a little more class…Baudelaire, perhaps? I know the owner, so everything will be on the house.” Baudelaire was the swankiest, most expensive restaurant in Ponyville – most ponies didn’t even know where it was – so despite wanting to ease her guilt by buying her friends dinner, Dash made no protest…not to mention she was a bit scared of disagreeing with Rarity at the moment. The others agreed it would be wonderful.
“Let me just run on home real quick and put on something a lil more fancy,” said A.J. The others wanted to do the same, so they parted ways and arranged to meet back up in twenty minutes.
-----
The outside of the restaurant was, in a word, unremarkable. They arrived at a large, old tree, a doorway roughly hewn into its thick trunk. The only markings were an ornate letter B cut into the wood above the door, and a small plaque with the address ‘955 Ukiah Street’ on it. The six ponies, all in their dressiest ensembles, ventured down the steps to a small foyer lit by two torches. Down here there was a large, polished mahogany door with a stained glass pane depicting Luna and Celstia raising the sun and the moon. Dash felt as if they were entering some strange hush-hush underground lair rather than a restaurant. Rarity raised a lacquered hoof and rapped on the door in three short bursts…knock knock knock…knock knock knock…knock knock knock. It was like some sort of secret code. Dash knew the place was exclusive but this was bordering on creepy. She almost felt like she was doing something illegal. The muffled sound of hooves came from within, and a slot in the door suddenly slid open, the torches illuminating a pair of eyes behind. It shut just as quickly, and after a few seconds they heard sound of a deadbolt click and the door slowly opened.
As soon as they stepped into Baudelaire, the strange feelings were melted away by the warmth of a crackling fire in a hearth by the door and the dark yet cozy décor of red carpets on the floor and rich mahogany paneled walls, decorated with old portraits of stately looking mares and stallions. The doorman who had let them in was sporting a tuxedo. He nodded in acknowledgment as each one of them passed, making their way down another stair case to the dining room.
No wonder nobody knows where this place is, Dash thought, it’s all underground.
“Rarity my dear!” a delighted voice sounded as they reached the bottom. A large, pot-bellied stallion in a long-tailed tuxedo and a monocle came rushing over to greet them. He and Rarity kissed each other on both cheeks “And Mayor Twilight Sparkle what an honor! I’ve been hoping I’d see you in here eventually!” he lifted Twi’s hoof and kissed it.
“Hello, Brand,” Rarity laughed. She turned to Dash and the others; “girls, this is Mr. Glass, Brandywine Glass. Brand, these are my friends…”
“Oh my dear,” the portly pony said with delight, “no introductions are necessary, not with ponies of such renown! There’s not a pony in Equestria who wouldn’t know Ms. Twilight. And Ms. Applejack, I simply must get the recipe for your delicious apple fritters, if you’d be willing to part with it that is,” he winked slyly “we would love to serve them here at Baudelaire. And Ms. Pinkie Pie!”
“That’s me! That’s me!” Pinkie jumped up and down excitedly.
“You throw the best parties in town. If ever you should require a more exclusive venue, don’t hesitate to ask! The town’s greatest parties in the town’s greatest restaurant! Why we’d make quite a team!”
This dude lays it on thick, Dash mused, letting a small scoff escape that she managed to disguise fairly convincingly as a cough. Brandywine turned his attention to her.
“And my word, Equestria’s greatest flier here too! I’ve witnessed one of your sonic rainbooms and I must say it was breathtaking my dear!” Dash couldn’t help warming up to him a little as he kissed her hoof. The guy knew how to charm. When he complimented Flutttershy on her modeling work in Mane and Tail, she turned so red Dash was afraid she’d burst into flames.
After this requisite bit of schmoozing, Brand showed them to their table personally. The place wasn’t crowded, that was for sure, but the ponies that were there looked like the types who would drop a thousand bits on a dinner. As they walked past the tables Dash heard snippets of conversation:
“…the Mayor if I’m not mistake…
“…a sonic rainboom, I saw it myself…”
“…wearing one of her dresses right now!”
“…seems they know the owner…”
“Here you are ladies,” Brand had taken them to the back dining room behind a curtain to the VIP section, and he indicated a nice, large, roomy table, “I hope it’s to your liking?”
“Wonderful darling, just lovely,” Rarity said.
“I thought I’d take you back here for some privacy,” Brand laughed, “nobody wants to be signing autographs during dinner,” He winked again and Rarity laughed, as if they were sharing some inside joke. “I’ll send your waiter out post haste. Please relax and enjoy yourselves m’dears.”
The VIP lounge was heavenly. The tables were slightly low to the ground, seeing as, in place of chairs, there were large, soft velvet cushions to sit on. Every object in the room, from the walls to the tables and cushions, was a dark red wine color, lined with gold. The lighting was soft and dim, and there was an old phonograph in one corner quietly playing classical music. Large velvet drapes separated the area from the main dining room.
Suddenly the sounds of a bustling kitchen were momentarily audible as their waiter entered the lounge through a side door. As he stepped closer to their table the half-light revealed a tall, square-jawed stallion, his tuxedo only partially concealing a clearly muscular form. He looked more akin to a workhorse like Big Mac rather than a waiter. Fluttershy hid her blushing face and turned to Dash.
“He’s so handsome,” she whispered. Dash couldn’t help but agree. When he reached the table, he bowed low and then spoke in a deep, dignified tone.
“Good evening ladies, my name is Sterling, I will be your server this eve…”
“Oh Sterl, you are too adorable!” Rarity laughed. Sterling seemed to drop some of his formal demeanor and laughed along with her.
“It’s good to see you, Madame Rarity, it’s been too long,” he smiled.
“Oh come now, I was here less than two weeks ago,” replied Rarity.
“Like I said, too long,” he countered.
“Tsk tsk tsk, you’re as much a charmer as Brand, and,” she leaned close to him in mock secrecy “much better looking.”
“You are too kind,” he was beaming now, the redness in his cheeks only barely visible through his impeccably groomed silvery coat.
“Allow me to introduce my friends,” chimed Rarity. She went through them one by one, until she reached Dash, “oh and of course, someone you might have heard of,” she prefaced, a mysterious impishness in her voice, “this is Rainbow Dash!”
Sterling stifled a small gasp, and seemed, for a moment, completely befuddled. “A pleasure to meet you, Ms. Dash, or do you prefer Rainbow?”
“You can call me Susan if it makes you happy,” laughed Dash, a bit confused. She looked at Rarity, who seemed to be having the time of her life.
“Go ahead Sterling,” she said, chuckling heartily, “otherwise you’ll be distracted all night!”
All of a sudden the last semblance of the handsome stallion’s propriety melted away, and he began gushing like a filly meeting her favorite rock star. “Oh Ms. Dash, how I’ve waited for this day, especially since Rarity told me she knew you, I hoped and hoped and here you are right before me!”
Dash was completely taken aback, this turn of events being about expected as spontaneous combustion.
“I’m such a fan of the Rainbolts! Your number one fan!” Sterling continued, “everybody always talks about the Wonderbolts like they’re so fantastic! I say pish posh! Can they pull off a double Sonic Rainboom? NO! Only you can Ms. Dash, and I’ve been to every one of your shows, and I do everything I can to support the team! I have all your hats and shirts and I even made a Rainbolts uniform for last Nightmare Night! But oh dear where are my manners, I never do this, please forgive me I’m just so ecstatic!”
Dash had never received so much flattery – let alone from such a handsome pony – in her whole life, and she wasn’t sure who was more embarrassed, herself or the now ruby-red-faced waiter. Sterling looked again at Rarity, as if asking for permission. She had been laughing the whole time and was now on the verge of hysteria.
“Oh go ahead,” she chortled, “but you’re only inflating her ego, you know!”
Sterling pulled from his inner coat pocket a glossy photo of Rainbow Dash, as well as a marker, and gently set them on the table in front of her. He grinned, obviously mortified. Dash batted her eyelashes and laughed awkwardly. To Sterling, she wrote, my #1 fan – Rainbow Dash, she signed her name with a flourish and gave the photo back to the tall silver pony, who looked like he was on the verge of jumping with giddiness.
“Oh! Thank you thank you Ms. Dash! I will treasure it forever!” Sterling tucked the photo very gently back into his coat pocket.
“Ahem,” Rarity cleared her throat, “If you’re quite finished, Sterl…”
“Of course Ms. Rarity. My apologies. Can I offer you ladies anything to drink?”
“The usual for me,” said rarity, relaxing back into her velvet cushion. Dash was curious to see what “the usual” was.
Twi and Fluttershy both ordered cosmopolitans, while applejack opted for a mug of hard apple cider. Pinkie ordered “the biggest most fruitiest drink ya got!” and insisted that it have at least three tiny umbrellas. Dash, not well versed in the world of cocktails, decided to play it safe with a gin and tonic. Reassuming some modicum of professionalism, Sterling bowed and trotted off, promising to be right back, a noticeable bounce in his step.
As soon as the door shut, everypony looked at Dash, expressions ranging from the incredulous to the amused.
“Oh what?” she demanded, trying to keep cool, “I can’t have fans?”
“That wasn’t just a fan,” Twi giggled, “he’s flat out in love with you, Rainbow.”
“Ah hear the weddin’ bells already,” Applejack said with a forced grin. She could fool Rarity and the rest of them, but Dash saw genuine anxiety in her eyes.
“Oh! Oh!,” Pinkie Pie jumped in, “you gotta let me plan the bachelorette party! And the wedding reception, and I can find some super cool decorations…”
“Cut it out you guys,” Dash sighed, rolling her eyes in irritation. At the same time she allowed herself one little mental picture of Sterling and herself standing at an altar. It looked good, she had to admit. But no, there would be no such wedding, for her heart belonged to another. Under the table her hoof found A.J.’s thigh and gave it a comforting squeeze. Applejack relaxed, a tiny smile on her face.
Sterling returned with their drinks, interrupting Dash’s musing. It turned out that Rarity’s “usual” was a glass of single malt scotch cut with a bit of spring water. She instructed Sterling to leave the bottle. Pinkie Pie’s drink looked more like a fruit arrangement than a cocktail. It was served in a glass that could, were it lacking a stem, easily be classified as a bowl. All around the edges were pieces of pineapple and melon, and to Pinkie’s delight, four tiny umbrellas. There was a big swizzle straw sticking out of it, and without waiting for a toast of any sort Pinkie began sucking down the orange-colored liquid.
“Pace yerself sugar cube,” Applejack warned, “we don’t want to be draggin’ ya home on a dolly.”
Pinkie laughed “I could drink you under the table,” she said dismissively.
“Oh is that so?” A.J.’s eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared. “Tell you what sally, after we get done with this fancy-shmancy dinner, let’s get on over to the Rusty Bucket for a drinkin’ contest! If’n yer game that is…”
“Oh I’m game,” the normally bubbly Pinkie said icily.
“Ahem,” Rarity cleared her throat loudly, “could we please just enjoy our meal before you two go off acting like a couple of frat ponies?” The two of them managed an acceptable level of civility, but there was a lot of glaring and (mostly on Pinkie’s part) face-making. It was one of those situations that was half serious, half in jest, and for the onlookers, all entertaining. Who needs soap operas when you’ve got a group of friends like this? Dash thought, trying not to laugh as A.J. and Pinkie stared each other down.
-----
All Rainbow Dash could say about dinner was “damn!” She’d asked Rarity to order for her, partly due to her familiarity with the cuisine, and partly because Dash had no idea what half the menu items were. Whatever it was that her fashionable friend bade the chef to prepare, it was delicious. Her appetizer consisted of veggies and potatoes a-plenty, all spiced with a delicious tangy sauce of ingredients unknown. Her entrée was a thrice baked potato with generous amounts of butter, sour cream, and chives, along with heavenly butternut squash, coated in caramelized brown sugar.
Just when Dash though herself ready to burst, Brand came out of the kitchen door with another pony, whom he introduced as Chef Julienne, who all but demanded a detailed critique of her food. The others praised her delicious culinary masterpieces.
“I love th…um…I love the sauce!” Dash slurred.
“Clearly,” the chef laughed. Dash hadn’t realized how drunk she was. She just chuckled, patted her stomach, and smacked her lips. This seem to satisfy the chef. As her friends praised their own meals, Dash decided to take a little nap.
The Contest
Chapter 3
The Contest
Honestly Rainbow Dash couldn’t remember much about leaving the restaurant, but the night air refreshed her and washed away the alcoholic fuzz which clouded her head. Pinkie and Apple Jack were exchanging semi-aggressive banter. Usually it was Dash herself who would be challenging the blonde cowpony to this contest or another, but when it came to matters of drinking, or anything having to do with parties really, the normally easygoing Pinkie Pie became quite competitive. They arrived at The Rusty Bucket in about twenty minutes, and the two ponies wasted no time in beginning their challenge.
“So, what’re we drinkin?” Pinkie asked, sizing up her competitor.
“Hard apple cider!” A.J. declared.
“No fair! Homefield advantage! You drink that stuff like it’s fruit punch!”
“Ah do not!”
Um, yeah ya do Rainbow wanted to say, but she knew she’d better hold her tongue or she’d be sleeping on the couch tonight. Applejack was what one might call a ‘functioning alcoholic’. She never seemed drunk and her work never suffered, but it was a rare occasion that she ate, worked, relaxed, went to sleep, or got up without a couple of mugs of cider. Dash didn’t mind, it didn’t change her personality any. It was the apple whiskey that she had to watch out for. When those bottles started popping open, all bets were off. A.J. could end up anywhere between fiercely violent or passionately aroused…or for that matter fiercely horny and passionately violent.
“I say whiskey!” Pinkie pounded the table.
“Whiskey it is then!” A.J. shouted, “bartender, bring us some whiskey an’ leave the jug!”
Celestia have mercy thought rainbow.
“I’d like to join too,” Rarity interjected. The two other ponies burst out laughing.
“Alright sally, but I ain’t carrying ya home.”
“I can hold my liquor just fine, thank you.”
-----
“Yer…yer fadin’ Jackleapp, I can shee it in your eyeballs,” Pinkie slurred.
“Are you kiddin’, why Ah’m as spry as a…as a wagon wheel!”
“That doesn’t even make sense,” Rarity admonished.
WHAM
Pinkie’s head hit the table; she was out.
“AH WIN!” A.J. declared triumphantly.
“I’m still in,” said Rarity.
“Yer not even drunk!” the cowpony pointed an accusing hoof.
“I think that’s the point.”
“That’s a buncha hooey! You cheated with some kinda unicorn magic!”
“Well! I never…” Rarity began but she stopped herself, “Ugh, look at me arguing like another foalish bar fly. I shall but graciously bow out of this competition.”
“Uh, come again?” Apple Jack was at the point where she was struggling to understand normal speech
“She’s sayin’ you won,” Rainbow said in exasperation.
“OH! WOOHOO! YEEHAW!” she shouted.
“I’ll take her home,” said Dash, feigning irritation. In reality she was glad to have a pre-made excuse for going home with Apple Jack. Twilight and Fluttershy said they’d take Pinkie. Rarity, somehow still lucid, bade them goodnight and took off for home, only the slightest hint of a stagger in her step.
Our Rainbow
Chapter 4
Our Rainbow
“A.J, you think you could walk now, my back hurts,” Dash complained
“’Course I can!” Apple Jack slid off Rainbow’s back and stood up, wobbling drunkenly. Finally she steadied herself and began taking a few cautious steps. “Aha! There we go!” she exclaimed, clearly concentrating quite hard on walking.
“You okay? Dash asked,” slightly amused but slightly concerned.
“Eeeyup!” she replied sounding like Big Macintosh “’Least fer walkin’ anyway” she added, looking downcast.
“What do you mean?” Dash asked with the kind of concern and compassion that only A.J. knew. She was always somewhat dismissive and nonchalant around the others, but when it came to her Apple Jack, she was much more emotionally open.
“Ah…ah…was…ah was just thinking about that dang waiter swooning over you tonight,” the yellow mare confessed.
“Why, he was just some silly fan…”
“That’s just it Dashie, I don’t get it. Ah’m just a simple applebucker. You’re out there signing autographs and trainin’ your famous flyin’ team and competin’ against the Wonderbolts…”
“So…?”
“So you could have any mare or colt in Equestria…why me?”
“Because you’re the only one I want!” Both ponies were now letting their tears flow free. Dash grabbed A.J. and squeezed her hard, pressing their lips together. Apple Jack kissed back, running her hoof through Rainbow’s mane.
“Ah’m sorry,” the cowpony said when their kiss finally broke, “Ah just been wonderin is all.”
“Ahh, you just get all mopey when you drink too much,” Dash attempted to lighten the mood.
“Yeah that too.”
-----
By the time they arrived home, Apple Jack seemed less drunk and more light-hearted. Technically it was her house, but Dash had been living there for almost a year. They’d built the place themselves – well, A.J. had done most of the work – when they’d decided to move in together. It was in a small cottage in a quiet corner of Sweet Apple Acres. The rest of the apple family had been slightly bewildered by A.J.’s sudden desire to have her own place, but she explained that she just needed her privacy, and that seemed to satisfy them. Anyway, she was only a quarter mile away and saw her family every day just the same.
Home was the one place they felt totally safe together. No pretense, no feigned emotion, no subtle communication was required; they could act like any two ponies in love. Nopony knew about their secret…or if anyone did they were keeping it quiet. Sometimes they had the inkling that either Twilight, being highly observant, or Pinkie, who somehow knew everything, suspected, but none of their friends had said anything.
Dash flopped down on the couch in front of the hearth, waiting for A.J. to do the same so they could curl up together, but the only warmth she felt was from the growing fire she had started.
“A.J.?” She looked up to see what the blonde pony was up to. There was a bottle of Champagne on the counter. “A.J.” Dash chastised her, “You don’t need anything more to drink!”
“Ah gotta ask ya somethin’ Dash, and no matter what the answer is Ah’m definitely gonna need this.” She walked solemnly over to her confused partner and removed her hat, from inside of which she produced a small velvet box. “Don’t think this is the liquor talkin’ Dashie, Ah been plannin’ this fer months, just had to work up the courage…” The cyan Pegasus’ heart began to flutter as she anticipated what came next. Apple Jack knelt down and opened the box to reveal a beautiful golden anklet, sparkling with diamonds. “Rainbow Dash, will you…”
“Ohmigosh Ohmigosh Ohmigosh! Of course I will A.J.!” She practically tackled Apple Jack and they ended up on the floor lips locked. Rainbow then began kissing her all over the face and neck.
“Now hold on!” The earth pony laughed, “let me ask the question proper: Will you marry me?”
“Yes, I will,” Dash replied as they lay on the floor, staring deep into each other’s eyes. She batted her eyelashes in an uncharacteristically girlish display. “I was beginning to think you’d never ask.”
“Ah was beginning to think Ah’d never work up the guts!”
The two ponies kissed again and then rolled around on the floor like two little fillies at play, tickling and teasing each other.
“Champagne?” Apple Jack finally suggested.
“Sure, but one thing first,” Dash beckoned her to follow and they went outside. It was nearly dawn. Suddenly Dash grabbed her partner and launched into the air. “Hold on to your hat!” They climbed at a furious pace, racing the sun as it began to rise above the hills. Higher and higher and quicker and quicker they climbed. Just when it seemed they could go no faster, a concussive boom echoed through the sky and a beautiful wreath of colors expanded around them, following them as they zoomed over the landscape. Then Dash went into a dive, slowing as they approached and finally landed on the ground.
“Look,” she said, her wing coming to rest on A.J.’s back, pulling her close. A stunning, vibrant arc shone down upon Sweet Apple Acres. “That’s our rainbow.”
A.J. looked at her with tears in her eyes. “Ah love you, Rainbow Dash.”
“And I love you, Apple Jack.”
As their lips met once more, the sun shone upon them and the shimmering colors above began to grow into a beautiful double rainbow.
What Dreams May Come
Chapter 5
What Dreams May Come
Despite their outing the previous night, Rainbow Dash and Applejack couldn’t even imagine sleeping. They sat on a wooden bench on the porch of their little cottage, drinking mimosas and toasting in celebration.
“To us!” *clink*
“To love!” *clink*
“To many years to come!” *clink*
“To your double sonic rainboom…”
“Our double sonic rainboom!”
Suddenly the sound of hooves interrupted their morning reverie. Big Macintosh and Granny Smith were trotting up the path that led from the main household, Apple Bloom galloping ahead of them.
“Something’s up,” said Dash, looking a bit worried.
“Relax, they’re my kin, and soon to be yours…only seems fitting we break the news to them first!” A.J. said confidently.
“Apple Jack!” Apple Bloom came hopping up and jumped into her sister’s lap so that they were nose to nose, “Whatchy’all doin’ up so early? Whatcha drinkin’? An’ what was that noise? An’ did you see the rainbow?” The little filly fired out questions faster than a machine gun.
“That noise was us making the rainbow,” Dash interjected, giving her future sister-in-law an affectionate pat on the head.
“But Apple Jack can’t fly!” she giggled.
“Nope, but I took her for a ride with me anyways…I think she liked it!” Dash laughed; A.J. grinned at her – it had been quite exhilarating.
“So is that why it’s a double rainbow?” the red-haired filly asked in awe.
“Yup, I think it is, kid.”
By now Big Mac and Granny Smith had caught up. “What’s with all the ruckus an’ the racket an’ the rainbows?” The old green mare inquired.
“We’re celebratin’!” A.J. declared.
“Celebratin’ what, sis?” Big Mac asked, his tone calm and even as ever.
“Well, now, y’all brace yerselves,” Apple Jack just decided to come out with it, “me an’ Rainbow Dash are getting’ married!” She nearly shouted, unable to control her giddiness at saying it out loud like that. The reactions were mixed; Big Mac looked genuinely surprised, Granny Smith just smiled, and Apple Bloom looked downright confused.
“But, Ah don’t get it,” the little yellow pony’s brow was knitted as if she were working out a complicated math problem, “yer both mares. Ain’t a mare supposed to marry a colt?”
“Sometimes things just work out different, sugar cube.” A.J. did her best to explain.
“Oh…okay,” the filly responded, seemingly satisfied with this vague attempt at clarification. A smile slowly crept across her face until she was beaming. She jumped off of Apple Jack and began hopping around in a circle. “Mah sister’s gettin’ married! Mah sister’s getting’ married!”
“I…I had no idea,” Big Mac said, dumbfounded. He bopped himself on the head with a hoof, “dang it Big Mac, you gotta pay more attention to things.” After a moment though he too came around, and scooped A.J. and Dash up in a big hug. “Congrats you two!”
Granny Smith gave them a knowing look. “Ah was wonderin’ when you two were gonna tie the knot! Congratulations to the both of ya!”
Dash grinned and A.J. turned red. Sly old Granny smith – she’d known all along.
“Well, Ah s’pose we got a party to get ourselves to,” said A.J.
“What party,” asked Big Mac, “Ain’t we the only ones you told yet?”
“Well, in my experience, Pinkie don’t need to be told when there’s need for a shindig.”
“Whoa whoa,” Dash pulled her partner aside, “are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean Pinkie’s probably setting up a party right now, sure, but she and Twi and the others won’t know who for ‘till we get there. And what about the rest of ponyville? Who knows how they’ll react! We could get stoned to death or run out of town for all we know…two mares…I mean I know it’s happened but it’s definitely out of the ordinary.”
“Hey, now don’t you go thinkin’ like that,” A.J. pulled Rainbow close, “what we got’s just as natural as any other two ponies, ain’t nothin’ to be afraid of.” She gave her a peck on the cheek and then turned to the others. “C’mon everypony, let’s go to town. We don’t want to disappoint Pinkie Pie, and frankly, I could use some cake.”