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Spike's Substitutes

by deadpansnarker

Chapter 1: Prologue: When Spike's away, the ponies will pay.

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"Wahoo! This is so much fun..." Never let it be said that Spike wasn't making the most out of his new wings, as he darted between the numerous turrets of the Castle Of Friendship with ease. "Who knew that flying solo could be such an enjoyable experience?"

He was referencing, of course, his tendency up until that point of riding his longtime best friend and current employer Twilight Sparkle's back from location to location. But naturally, the difference between hitching a lift and actually being the one in the 'driving seat' was huge, a fact he could now personally vouch for.

"Whoopee!!" Nothing held any fear for Spike now. He was airborne and carefree, without a single worry in the...

"SPIKE! Are you still messing around up there?! You're taking your first class this afternoon, don't you remember? I appreciate the fact you're excited about your new acquisitions, but not at the expense of ditching your responsibilities, I hope?"

Well, maybe one worry.

The drake sourly scowled as he reluctantly fluttered into one of the nearby windows, where inside he knew would lurk an uncompromising taskmaster set on disrupting his fun.

Of course, he'd never say that to her face. He still needed a job and somewhere to spend the night, after all.

"Good. That's better." Twilight offered the dragon a half smile as he safely landed and waited for further instructions. "Anyway, I thought you said you were looking forward to your first time teaching by yourself? Usually, I just have you bring in chalk and rulers and whatnot. The fact that you're getting this opportunity to take a group of eager young minds and sculpt them into the adults of tomorrow, should motivate you greatly!"

"W-Well, sorta. Kinda." Spike stammered, missing the clear blue sky outside already. "But I was having such a good time up there! It's a bit hard to be excited about sitting at a desk, listening to the scribbling of pencils and having erasers flicked at you all day when I could be racing Rainbow Dash, dive-bombing with Derpy Hooves or..."

"You can do all that later, right now you have a prearranged commitment." Twilight reminded the dragon, before adding firmly. "...And I thought they'd stopped tossing those erasers around! Let me know if it happens again, and the guilty individual(s) will face the longest detention ever. With me. And a copy of The Complete History Of Equestria... Genius Edition. Won't that be a hoot?"

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever." Spike slouched depressively as he went to leave, but Twilight, even in the midst of whatever was keeping her highly occupied, couldn't help but notice her special little guy's moroseness.

"Hey, Spike..." She stopped her activity momentarily to teleport herself over to the drake and speak soothingly. "I'm sorry to lay all this on you, but when we set up this school, you did say you didn't mind taking on your fair share of the workload. If for instance you were living with dragons, then you could spend all day flying around and breathing fire to your heart's content, but as long as you're here we expect great things out of you, and you haven't let us down yet. So, what do you say? Are you still up to the job? Where's that tireless 'get up and go' spirit we've come to love so much?"

At this juncture, Twilight began gently tickling Spike's exposed belly with one of her feathery wings, and despite still feeling a little hard done by, the drake couldn't help but burst into a protracted fit of the giggles.

"O-Okay Twilight, ha ha, y-you win as usual, ho ho, I-I'll head off there now, hee hee..." It was slightly hard to answer properly when every atom in your body is screaming at you to roll around the floor in hysterics.

"I knew you'd see sense in the end..." Twilight winked at the chuckling dragon. "I'll come along and join you in a bit, I just have to track down these darn glasses of mine. Honestly, I've been searching for them all morning, with no luck. It's like they've been puffed into another dimension. Hmm, maybe I should go and have a few words with Discord..."

"Um, Twilight..." Spike stopped tittering just long enough to interrupt the alicorn's soliloquy and indicate the aforementioned spectacles were safely located on top of the alicorn's head.

"Oops, what are they doing up there?!" Twilight remarked sheepishly, as she felt their reassuring presence where they'd been all along. "Oh well, mystery solved. We didn't need the great Daring-Do to solve this one, did we? Anyway, you'd better be setting off now. Remember, alongside the standard lesson plan, punctuality is also a good way to set an example for youngsters..."

"Okay, okay. I'm goin', I'm goin!" Spike rolled his eyes away from Twilight's stern glare as he prepared to take to the clouds once more. "As if I needed any extra incentive, it'll be nice to be the one delivering the lectures, as opposed to being the one on the receiving end. See you later!"

"No problem, Spike. And... good luck." Twilight watched him leave proudly, like a devoted parent who was accompanying their child on the first day of school. Which in a way, it sort of was. "Now, where did I put my glasses case? Oh darn it, I knew I should've asked Spike before I sent him off..."

........................................

Spike drummed his claws impatiently against the pine desk in the classroom, where he was doomed to spend the next two hours or so of the day.

At this point however, eternal purgatory might've been a more attractive option.

It turned out that his only job during this particular session was to supervise a test, which meant sitting there in dreary silence to watch the hands of the clock wearily tick down...

And not much else.

Oh sure, he could always look out for 'cheating' etc, but with this bunch of goody-two-horseshoe students he was watching currently, that was about as likely as him and Rarity ever hitting it off. Much as he'd hate to admit it.

Now, this tedious task assigned to him wouldn't have been such a big deal if he'd possessed the foreknowledge to bring something with him to do. A Mane-iac feature length spread perhaps, or one of those newfangled magic jigsaw puzzles that gave you a different image every time to put together.

But because of his lack of foresight coming in, here he was with nothing to do but etch marks in the soft varnishing with his sharp nails.

No prizes for guessing who'll be billed to have those sanded out, he grimaced, wondering if perhaps he shouldn't finally give his claws a trim. What Twilight said earlier was right: I bet my fellow reptiles never have to put up with boring stuff like this in the Dragon Lands. A scratched, dented or even scorched desk is nothing to them. I reckon, if they even have furniture, it's all made of rock anyway...

This got him pondering further, and he finally had something to take his mind off the overwhelming tedium. Come to think of it, they don't even know I've got these new wings! Wouldn't Princess Ember be surprised if she saw me soar by right now, with these babies at full stretch for the world to see? But that's an impossible dream, I suppose. I'm stuck here playing the role of a dutiful statue, whilst they're all the way out in the mountains having fun. Taking lava baths, exploring volcanos, polishing their scales... it's not fair! If only I could... just for a little... wait, maybe I can!

His eyes flit from the too-slow clock to Smoulder, wedged in between Yona and Sandbar's seated positions. She was having trouble with a certain math equation on section 2 side A, and was using her tail as a makeshift extra finger in her calculations.

Judging by the glazed look on her face, It wasn't doing much good.

I just have to get her aside after class, Spike smirked with a slight glint in his eye, then hopefully she can make the necessary arrangements. Of course though, there's a certain other matter I have to deal with first...

...........................................

"What? A vacation?!" Twilight spluttered from her desk, as Spike dared to venture into her office and ask her the big question. "Whatever do you need one of those for, Spike? Don't we travel enough around the world together?"

"Yeah, but most of that is just business. And, I just thought, considering everything I've done here of late, you wouldn't mind if I took a bit of time off... alone." Spike pointed out, trying to get the princess to see his perspective. "Besides, what with what's been happening with my body recently, wouldn't it be good to discover more about my heritage? I mean, I had no idea this stupid molt thing was going to happen, mostly because I've just been living around other ponies all my life! Don't you think it'll be a good idea now for me to do some claws-on research, in case anything like this occurs again?"

"Well, what you're saying kind of makes sense I suppose..." Twilight mulled the request carefully, raising Spike's hopes. "...But it still sounds like an excuse for you to go out there and have a 'jolly', while the rest of us are working our tails off here. Sorry Spike, but the answer for now is 'no'. If you like, you can come on my next big diplomatic mission to the Dragon Lands. I'll probably be there for a good few days at least, which should give you plenty of time to go off on your own and..."

"But you don't know when that'll even be!" Spike whined somewhat petulantly, as he crossed his arms in a sulk. "I want to go now, whilst these wings still feel fresh. If I leave soon, I should be able to return for the start of next week, when exam season is over."

"You only want to go over there, so you can show off in front of Ember, don't you?" A sly Twilight nudged her dragon friend knowingly in the ribs. "Is that what this is all about? Is that why you're so desperate to visit as quickly as possible? Because you can always send her a letter, or..."

"W-What?! No!" Spike's green scales almost turned crimson for a moment, and he changed the subject with the deftness of a great poker player. "Anyway, time for the last resort. I was sort of hoping it didn't have to come to this."

" 'Hoped it wouldn't have to come', to what?" Twilight stopped staring the test papers she'd been marking to glance at the drake with suspicion.

"Now, let's see here." As if by magic, Spike produced a large tome entitled 'The Fundamental Rights Of The Working Pony' from behind him, and began perusing through it with great interest.

"Hey, is that my copy of..." Twilight reacted with astonishment when she saw the name on the spine. "...From the topmost shelf?! How on Equestria did you manage to..."

"Did you forget about these thingies?" Spike pointed at his leathery wings with undisguised glee, before he cleared his throat to put on a highly officious accent. "All employees must be allowed at least six weeks of vacation time a year, which may be taken when and where they see fit."

"Hey, I don't sound anything like that!" Twilight huffed upon hearing Spike's impersonation, but by merely pointing out she recognised the voice, proved that indeed she did.

"...Failure to honour these terms and conditions may result in a tribunal, which could lead to substantial damages being awarded to the affected party." Spike continued on with relish, enjoying himself more than he was willing to let on.

"Aha! That book is about the rights of the working pony!" Twilight exclaimed with hesitation, thinking that she'd discovered a minor loophole. "Therefore, you're not covered by the text inside... I think."

"Really Twi, you wanna start splitting horsehairs now?" Spike slammed the book shut, coughing as some of the dust got up his nose. "I think if we asked any decent lawyer about that, and I told him how much work I've done for you and others around Ponyville since we arrived, we both know who's side he'd come down on."

"B-But..." Twilight strained for words, trying to articulate the right ones to convince her valuable assistant to stay. "You're not just an 'employee' to me, and you know that! Aside from the excellent work and support you give me every single day you're here, if you were gone for six whole weeks, I-I'd miss you."

Upon seeing the alicorn's pleading look, Spike's stance softened a bit. "Well, I'd miss you too Twi... which is why it's a good job I'm only off for one week! Smoulder is making the necessary arrangements through third parties, and I'm due to depart later this evening. You'll be fine without me for a while, I've seen you deal with much worse crisis than this before!"

"W-What... so soon? But, I haven't even had chance to find your replacement yet!" Twilight exclaimed at the future disorganisation this unexpected trip would no doubt entail.

"Hey, I'm sure you'll think of someone almost as good as me. I seem to remember you're pretty decent at making lists and planning ahead." Spike gave the princess an encouraging wink, before taking off once more. "Well, see you later at my departure. I gotta go pack, and decide what delicious gems I'll be snacking on the journey there."

Twilight was about to object further, but something Spike said to her had struck a chord. Making lists and planning ahead? Hmm, he's right you know. I am slightly accomplished at it. Perhaps this won't be such a struggle after all...

Realising that she'd no other option right now but rely on that innate gift, she returned again to her desk, to begin intricately devising a method with which she'd be able to cope with the impending absence of her most cherished worker, employee...

And friend.

......................................

"Okay Twilight, what gives?" Rainbow Dash fumed slightly, leaning so far back in a chair that it almost tipped over. "I was just about to feed Tank, then scrub his shell. You wouldn't believe how hard grass stains are to remove."

"Yes dear, why would you want to summon us all to the school at such an inopportune moment? I was this close from completing perfection." Rarity sniffed, referring to the hard graft she'd applied to her latest couture masterpiece.

"Um, usually I'm not one to complain, but one of my hamsters has a poorly leg, and I should get back to the cottage soon so the poor dear doesn't try to run off without me." Fluttershy described her situation accurately enough.

"That's nuffin'! Our monthly harvest to Fillydelphia is set to be picked up in less than an hour, and if I ain't there to supervise, they might try to underpay us again! Granny Smith is such a soft touch, bless her soul..." Applejack clearly had somewhere else to be.

"If we could wrap this thing up quickly please, it'd be super helpful! I have a special cake in the oven right now, and the last time I left Gummy alone, he forgot to take it out and when I got back there was nothing left but cinders!" Pinkie Pie obviously didn't want to return to the baking fiasco of yesteryear.

"Twilight, I have to confess my own confusion as to all of our presences here tonight." Starlight Glimmer evidently had less on her plate than the other equines in attendance, but was equally as curious. "Why not in the Map Room at the castle? Why your office after school hours? And what's the emergency? As far as I'm aware, there isn't anything major going on right now that needs our..."

"My apologies everypony, for the lack of warning which led up to this impromptu meeting, but this couldn't wait." Twilight acknowledged the suddenness of the gathering, before she decided to get right to the issue at hoof. "Anyway, here's the upshot of it all: I just saw Spike off, he's spending a week in the Dragon Lands. Something to do with 'getting in touch with his roots' or something, I don't know. I asked him to stay once more, but he refused and flew off anyway. Also, as it turns out, I'm kind of obliged to let him do it by law. Still, I gave him my best wishes, I don't want to get a reputation as a bad sport."

"Regardless..." Twilight continued on, ignoring the associated murmurs from those still reeling from the surprise news. "We all have to find a way to pitch in while he's gone, which I'm confident for the most part we can do. The problem is though, there is one pony here for whom his reassuring presence will be missed in more ways than just from an industrial viewpoint. For whom he provides a constant source of encouraging advice when they're down. For whom he reminds them of the small things that you'd forget otherwise. For whom his warm grin and sense of humour have got her through many a difficult situation that she otherwise would've found i-impossible..."

Realising that the other six ponies in the room were beginning to stare at her a bit oddly, the emotional alicorn swiftly wiped a stray tear away from her eye to conclude the discussion. "A-Anyway, here is what I've come up with, to hopefully help fill in the yawning chasm caused by his temporary departure. As my closest friends beside Spike, each of you will take it in turns to stay by my side for the rest of the week to offer me counsel, do little odd jobs, make little wisecracks at my expense... that kind of thing, although the last one is purely optional. It might not sound like much, but believe me, your participation with this scheme would help to keep things functioning more than you know, and the school as a whole, too. To this end, I have drawn up a basic chart that'll detail who'll 'play' the role of Spike for each day during his absence, which I will unveil right now."

With those final words, Twilight trotted over to a previously unnoticed chalkboard in the centre of the room to unceremoniously fling off the cover, and show the shellshocked onlookers just who'd be on duty as her personal assistant for every given day that week.

After studying it closely for a few seconds, one voice was heard to call out in triumph. "Yes, I've got first dibs! In your face, Applejack!"

That unsurprisingly, was Rainbow Dash, as competitive as ever.

Although, maybe this is one contest she wishes she hadn't emerged victorious from, judging by her hoof-in-mouth expression quickly afterwards and Applejack's own wry grin.

"Oh Celestia... I 'won'."

.......................................................

"Well, here I am! Ready to live it up reptile style, and show just what I got!" Spike had finally arrived at the warm climate and rocky outcrops near the perimeter of The Dragon Lands, having handily timed it so he'd just finished munching on his last sapphire.

There had been a slight tinge of sadness that he'd felt during his journey there, as he would truly miss his friends, students and comprehensive art collection (otherwise known as comic books) while he was away from Ponyville.

But no matter! It would only be for a week after all, and he could surely find things to occupy himself with during his holiday to take the edge off his homesickness pangs.

Besides, he recalled seeing Smoulder's amazement in the 'shouting closet', at being told that he'd spent the entirety of his existence living with ponies.

Maybe it is about time I hung out with my own kind for a bit, he'd mused, thinking he didn't want to be seen as too much of an outcast. The next few days will be the perfect chance for me to do just that.

Making a beeline for Princess Ember's room, who he'd been told was expecting him, he happened to fly straight past Garble and his pair of goons, who were perched on a molten island engaged in some sort of weird ritual to see who had the hardiest skull.

...Or maybe they were just head-butting each other for pleasure. As you do.

Even though his dealings with Garble were never the greatest, Spike was a cheery soul, and after what happened at the Gauntlet Of Fire, the blowhard larger dragon now held no fear for the confident drake.

"Hi, Garble! And... 'friends'." Spike cheekily waved to them all, as he effortlessly flit past them at an impressive speed.

Garble paused caving his skull in just long to stare with awe at the retreating figure. "Was that... the squirt? And did he have... wings?!"

Author's Notes:

Meap. Updates to this story will be semi-regular, as I have other things to write. This is just an idea I wanted to get out there before the next episode aired. :moustache:

What to expect in the future? Well, apart from switching of perspective between the school and Dragon Lands at least once every chapter, I'm not at liberty to say. :scootangel:

But I hope this prologue has kept you sufficiently interested, and I look forward to sharing more with you in the near future. Bye for now! :raritystarry:

Next Chapter: Chapter 1: Spike Arrives, and Rainbow's Plan Estimated time remaining: 27 Minutes
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