Chapter 15

Cloudsdale, Equestria

It was a beautiful sunny afternoon and Rainbow Dash felt it was as good a time as any for her afternoon nap. While normally she would go outside to sleep on top of a cloud, today she felt extremely lazy. She had ordered a large cheese pizza with extra crispy hay, delivered to her apartment. The empty pizza box lay on the floor haphazardly as she let out a rather long yawn. She scratched her belly snuggling underneath the sheets of her bed, ready to drift into contented sleep when she heard frantic knocking at the door. Grumbling to herself she pried her cyan carcass out of bed to see who would dare interrupt her nap. Dash was surprised to see a frantic Scootaloo on the verge of tears standing in her doorway. Before Dash could say anything she was tackled to the ground by the hysterical filly.

“Umm hey squirt what’s going on?”

Scootaloo’s only reply was to bury her face into Rainbow Dash’s chest, sobbing heavily. Through sobs she let out a muffled reply.

Rainbow Dash patted her surrogate sister on the head trying to calm the filly. “Hey now, its ok Scoots. You’re with me remember, only the most awesome sister in all Equestria! Why don’t ya calm down a bit and tell me what’s going on?”

Scootaloo hiccupped a few times before replying. “It’s awful sis, just terrible! We went over to Sugarcube Corner for a snack and Pinkie Pie went crazy. The guards came and took her away…”

“Wait hold on a sec. Why did Pinkie go crazy and what’s this about guards?”

“Well…we went crusading earlier and found this colt trapped at the bottom of a cave, so we decided to patch him up and make him part of the CMC. He came along with us to Sugarcube Corner to get a snack, but when we introduced him to Pinkie, she freaked out.”

“Are you sure she wasn’t ya know just being Pinkie?”

“No, this was way worse than what she does usually. She was being really mean to Emerald, saying that he didn’t belong here and that he was a blight to Equestria. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Pinkie say such things.”

“So…you’re saying that Pinkie freaked out so bad that you had to get the guards to come in and drag her to the hospital?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Rainbow Dash let out a long sigh, not quite sure how to handle this new bit of information. She certainly had never heard Pinkie doing anything like this, except for that one time they were planning a surprise party for her. Pinkie had been a bit on edge and believed her friends abandoned her, but in this instance she started calling a little colt harsh names. That was completely out of her normally cheerful nature towards making new friends. As the element of loyalty, no as a friend, it was her duty to try and help and support Pinkie. Despite her strong need to comfort her friend, she also realized that she would need to be the one to spread the word, considering she was the fastest pegasus around. Who better to be a messenger?

Rainbow Dash gave Scootaloo another quick hug and made her way to Canterlot Castle as fast as her wings could take her. If anypony should know of Pinkie’s condition it was Princess Celestia. Even if Celestia wasn’t an expert on psychosis or that she had the experience of dealing with ponies for over a thousand years, this was still a matter of national security. After all, Pinkie Pie was one of the Elements of Harmony, only the greatest weapon and national treasure in all Equestria. It would not bode well for the ponies that lived in Equestria to suddenly be robbed of their greatest weapon and a national hero no less.

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Hall of the Two Sisters, Canterlot Castle

Rainbow Dash had nearly crashed onto the balcony leading up to the Hall of the Two Sisters. She rushed over to the ornately decorated gold doors and banged her hooves frantically, trying to get somepony’s attention. She was met by a pair of golden armored pegasai a few seconds later; both of them did not look amused to see Rainbow Dash. She explained to them that she needed to see the princess immediately, because something was wrong with Pinkie Pie. Both of the guards realized how serious this was but informed her that Princess Celestia was busy holding an important cabinet meeting. Rainbow Dash was about to groan in frustration until one of the guards mentioned that Princess Luna was available. She hesitated to call upon the lunar princess because she wasn’t as familiar to her and of course not so accustomed to dealing with state emergencies. Dash shook her head, no a princess was still a princess and besides Luna was also over a thousand years old she had to have at least some wisdom right? The guards led her to Luna’s personal chamber.

Rainbow Dash knocked on the large ebony doors of Luna’s chamber. “Hey Princess Luna, its Rainbow Dash do you mind if I come in? I need to speak to you about something important.”

Princess Luna was sitting on top of her bed combing her mane while humming some kind of ancient tune. “Yes, of course. Please enter.”

“What is it you wish to speak to me about my little pony?”

Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her mane. “You see your highness, Pinkie Pie isn’t feeling well right now and I think it would be best if you…ya know kind of, went to go see her.”

“Hmm I see and what aliment afflicts dear Pinkamena?”

“She freaked out a little while ago. She’s normally really kind and lighthearted but she just lashed out at this new colt that the CMC found. You have to understand she would normally want to become friends with anypony she sees…this just isn’t like her.”

“So you are seeking my advice on the situation. Is this on a personal level or does it have to do with the elements?”

Rainbow Dash fidgeted slightly. “Well sort of a bit of both I guess. I’m actually really glad that I got to see you instead of Celestia because she…”

“Please continue my subject, I promise I shall not be offended.”

“…because she never had to deal with her dark side. Honestly Princess I’m not trying to be insensitive but you actually had an evil manifestation, who better to talk to Pinkie Pie?”

Luna looked slightly annoyed but then smirked. “Yes it is true that I was once a tyrant and I appreciate your forwardness Rainbow Dash. Very well then, I shall make my way to the hospital. While I am there could I perchance ask you to inform the rest of the elements of Pinkamena’s condition?”

Rainbow Dash saluted. “Of course Princess, you can count on me.”

“I should certainly hope so, after all you are the element of loyalty.”

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Chancellor Puddinghead Memorial Hospital, Ponyville

Princess Luna made her way to the reception desk, eliciting stares from the ponies that were going about their daily business. Alicorn princesses rarely ever visited hospitals, unless it was for the opening ceremony and even rarer still was when their visits were unannounced. She put on her best smile asking the receptionist which room Pinkie Pie was housed in. The receptionist pointed to the second floor room two hundred.

Luna slowly opened the door to Pinkie’s room and found the pink mare lying on her bed with an utterly bored look on her face. Pinkie’s normally frizzy pink mane was flat but that wasn’t the most unusual thing Luna observed. Her irises were notably smaller, almost beady. She trotted over to the hospital bed and put a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder hoping some physical contact would ease the tension. What happened next took Luna completely by surprise.

“Greetings to you your majesty, I was wondering how long it was going take them to send me somepony important. This is a serious matter after all.”

Luna noticed something was off about Pinkie’s voice as well. It was an octave lower than usual, and she normally didn’t speak so sarcastically. “Yes dear Pinkamena I have come to aid you in your recovery and perhaps lend an ear for your troubles.”

Pinkie scoffed. “Troubles indeed fair princess. If you’re already lending me your ears then I should clear something up first. I AM NOT PINKAMENA DIANE PIE!”

“You most certainly are my little pony. What madness has befallen your mind?”

“Oh I assure you it is not madness. Pinkie’s mind still exists in this body, but it is not she whom you speak with. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Zog extra dimensional being nonpareil. I am at your service, your majesty.”

Luna scanned Pinkie Pie’s body with her magic finding that whoever she was speaking with was not lying. “Umm very well then Mr. Zog, how exactly is it that you came to reside in Pinkamena’s body?”

Zog gave Luna a theatrical grin. “A very good question, but alas it requires a long answer!”

“Very well Mr. Zog I am immortal, so I have all the time in Equestria. Please do entertain me with your tale.”

“Ah yes of course, immortal alicorn princess of the moon. How could I forget? I suppose I should start at the very beginning. Eons ago when I first traveled to this dimension I may have been…oh a bit naughty. The locals didn’t like this of course, so one enterprising unicorn stallion decided to imprison me inside a jewel. I was trapped inside the jewel for thousands of years…IT WAS SOOOO BORING!!! Anyway about two thousand years ago a bubbly little stallion baker named Raspberry Torte (aka Razzy Torte), found my jewel. I promised him if he allowed me to inhabit his body that I would give him some of my fun extra dimensional powers.”

Luna cleared her throat. Even she had to admit this was getting a bit silly. “This still doesn’t explain why you are here.”

Zog giggled. “Well of course it doesn’t, be patient you silly mare I’m getting to it. I couldn’t just shake hooves with good old Razzy, no this deal required a contract. We drew up a magical contract stating that I had limitations while inhabiting his body, because I was still kind of cursed from my imprisonment. My spirit as it were can exist in mortal bodies, but I am not allowed to completely erase the host’s consciousness. As such I am bound to the host body, because currently I cannot manifest my original form. It really is quite a tiresome limitation. The contract stipulates that I am able to inhabit the body of each first born foal from Razzy’s bloodline. How do you think Pinkie is able predict things through her “Pinkie Sense” or be able to break the fourth wall? YOU GUESSED IT!!! It is all my doing, my wonderful dimension bending powers.”

Luna wasn’t quite sure how to react to this information. It was disturbing to say the very least. Who knew that Pinkie Pie was hosting an extra dimensional being inside her? She still had one question though. “I am still confused as to why any mortal would willingly bind themself to you.”

“It’s called we were both desperate. He was on the verge of death, having traveled with his bakery cart in the woods and getting lost and I being trapped in a jewel for several thousand years. Know this my little princess; I cannot command dear Pinkie’s mortal form for much longer. If I speak for much longer she will suffer severe brain damage because mortal bodies just can’t handle the strain of housing higher beings. Despite what you may think, I care very much for her safety so I shall allow her to explain the rest of the situation. Toodles!”

Pinkie’s eyes returned to their normal size and her hair instantly became frizzy once again. She leaned over towards Luna and gave her a great big hug. “Hi Princess!!!”

Luna not used to sudden displays of affection from her subjects blushed slightly. “Good day Pinkamena, how nice it is to see you back to your errrmm…old self.”

“Oohhh I see. You met Zog didn’t you? He’s kind of silly but I still love him. It was really weird having him take over my body but I know he was just trying to protect me. I hope I didn’t upset anypony too bad.”

“From what Rainbow Dash told me, you upset the Cutie Mark Crusaders quite a bit.”

Pinkie winced slightly. “Yeah Zog told me about it. We usually experience things together but he can block me out if he really wants to. I think that’s what he did at Sugarcube Corner. It was for a good reason though. That new colt that’s hanging around with the crusaders isn’t what he seems to be. I think Zog said he was a really nasty, meany pants from a long time ago.”

“You believe this new colt to be evil?”

“Well I dunno the details exactly, but I think he’s at least somepony you should keep an eye on.”

“Very well Pinkamena I shall consult my sister about these new developments. I shall also send all of your friends a letter explaining your condition so that they may understand you were not responsible for the outburst.”

“Oh and one more thing Princess. You can just call me Pinkie Pie because we’re friends right?”

“Friends indeed…umm…Pinkie.”

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Sweet Apple Acres, Ponyville

Applejack was rudely awoken by a loud explosion, she swore she had heard it before but couldn’t quite put her hoof on it. Ever the hardened soldier, Iron Cross had immediately woken up as well his eyes alert and scanning the area. Applejack knew that she and her lover had to wake up at some point but it still wasn’t exactly pleasant to wake up to the sound of explosions. She yawned loudly and brushed some of the hay still in her mane, trotting over to Iron.

“What in tarnation was that?”

Iron Cross’s expression grew serious. “I’ve only heard that type of explosion once.”

“Was it some kind of new-fangled gunpowder weapon?”

Iron Cross shook his head. “No, I’ve heard those before. That was the kind of sound I thought I’d never hear in Equestria. It was the tell-tale echo of a sonic boom. A sonic boom only occurs when something breaks the sound barrier, or in laymen terms an object goes faster than sound itself.”

Applejack scratched her mane. “Sonic…boom hmm. Sonic…Oh wait a sonic rainboom! Ah think ah know what caused it. It had ta be Rainbow Dash! She’s the only pegasus ah know that can go that fast.”

“Hold on a minute. You mean to tell me that she can achieve speeds greater than 1,236 kph? That is impossible; the g-forces involved would tear her body apart. My country’s military had aircraft that could fly at about 870 kph, but never anything past that.”

“Uhmm sorry sugarcube ya lost me with all yer egghead talk.”

“Oh right…I forgot you Equestrians aren’t familiar with human technology or modern physics. The bottom line is Rainbow Dash shouldn’t be able to fly that fast.”

“Ah know it sounds crazy but I’ve seen her do it mahself, twice in fact. The sonic rainboom is her specialty, which is what her cutie mark represents.”

“Perhaps the laws of physics here are a bit different, or pegasai’s bodies are specially adapted to handle high levels of g-force. I shall have to ask Rainbow Dash later then. The only question remains is why would she do that right now?”

“Ah don’t rightly know. The only reason ah can think of is she must be in an awful hurry ta get somewhere.”

As if on cue Rainbow Dash burst through the barn doors, her eyes screwed in concentration. Both Applejack and Iron Cross stood, staring at her with their jaws hanging open. After the shock wore off, Applejack was the first to speak.

“Well tan mah hide, look who decided to drop by.”

Rainbow Dash’s serious look quickly transformed into a furious blush. “Oh…uhh…hi guys sorry to drop in un-announced.”

“Dashie why in tarnation are ya blushin’ for? Ya got our attention, so if ya intend on sayin’ somthin’ important now’s yer chance.”

Despite having one of Equestria’s biggest egos, Rainbow performed quite the credible Fluttershy. “Oh it’s n-nothing important really. I probably shouldn’t tell you…”

“C’mon RD get on with it! Ah promise ah won’t get too upset.”

Dash blushed even harder. “Ok but promise you won’t buck me into last week.”

“Fine, Ah promise.”

“Hehe…well have you guys been in front of a mirror lately?”

“What in the hay does a mirror have to do with anythin’?”

“Y-you guys still have ermm…well…you know stuff still on ya.”

“Fer land’s sakes RD quit beatin’ around the bush.”

“ALL RIGHT FINE!!! YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE YOU SCREWED EACHOTHER’S BRAINS OUT!!!”

Applejack took a moment to inspect herself and sure enough she was covered in straw and stallion funk. Her mane probably looked like it had been through a tornado as well, but she didn’t have a mirror to confirm. She took a look over at Iron Cross who was messy as well. In response to Dash’s reaction he sat on the floor crossing his lower legs, a rare blush lighting up his cheeks. Applejack herself was having a competition with her very own apples as to how red something could get. She remembered with vivid detail that the both of them were too wrapped up in the afterglow to bother cleaning up.

“Hmm well uh…ah…I’m mighty sorry ya have ta see this.”

Rainbow Dash let out a nervous laugh. “It’s alright I mean that’s what you do with a stallion-friend right? Although AJ if I might offer you a tiny bit of advice, you should probably air out the barn for a couple of hours. It smells real hot and heavy in here.”

Before she could speak any further, Rainbow Dash’s wings betrayed her as they shot out with a resounding POMF. The entire sordid scene was too much for her imagination to take in. Plus it didn’t help her case that entire room was flooded in pony pheromones.

Applejack merely face-hoofed. “Alright ah guess this time it’s our fault fer not cleanin’ up after ourselves, but dang it RD did ya have ta go and have a wing boner?”

“Sorry AJ I can’t help it. Bucking in a barn is so…awesome.”

“Oh ah know how ya operate alright. Ms. Rainbow Dash normal to horny in ten seconds flat!”

“Come on AJ you gotta admit this situation would make anypony horny. In fact you should feel honored that you gave the great Rainbow Dash a wing boner.”

“Ugghh there’s yer patented larger than life ego again. Ah swear ya use that ta cover yer own stupidity sometimes. Ah wish ya would just be more honest with yerself on occasion.”

Rainbow shuffled her fore-hooves. “Actually I wish I could too sometimes.”

“Sorry fer mah outburst sugarcube, it’s just mighty embarrassin’ ya know? I’d give ya a hug but well I’m a bit messy right now.”

Dash giggled. “Yeah. How about I give you guys a minute to freshen up, then I can tell what I was originally gonna say.”

“Fair enough. Just meet us inside the farmhouse. Feel free ta help yerself to some lemonade.”

After a ten minute shower, Applejack and Iron Cross trotted their way down the stairs to meet Rainbow Dash down in the kitchen. They found her sitting at the table happily enjoying an apple turnover and downing a tall glass of lemonade.

“Since you guys look freshened up, I’ll tell ya the news. Earlier today the crusaders went to Sugarcube Corner for a snack and they brought over a new friend. He’s apparently some unicorn colt they found while they were exploring a cave. When they went to introduce him to Pinkie, she freaked out. To make a long story short, the guards had to take her to the hospital it was so bad. I talked with Princess Luna to see if she could help Pinkie and she told me to inform everypony else about it.”

“Wow it must have been one doozy of a freak out fer the Princess ta get involved. Is Pinkie gonna be alright?”

“I’m not really sure. I haven’t been to the hospital yet, but she’ll pull through.”

Iron Cross banged his hoof on the table. “Pinkie Pie usually scares the bejesus out of me, but I still do not wish her harm. Applejack if you so wish it, I shall accompany you to the hospital to see her. In fact I insist on getting her a get well gift too.”

“Sounds like a mighty fine plan Sugarcube. RD we’ll be makin’ our way over to the hospital in two wags of a mare’s tail. Just make sure ya tell the rest of the gang about it.”

Rainbow Dash gave Applejack a hug and Iron a brohoof. “Don’t worry guys I promised the Princess the same thing, just make sure you don’t have any get well parties for Pinkie without me.”

With that Rainbow Dash made her way to Ponyville to spread the news.