Anon sits in the center of his room curled up in a ball. He doesn’t know what to do with his life. Ever since he came to Equestria he thought things would be different, his life would be better, but he was mistaken. All these adorable ponies around and he can’t boop a single one of them. That’s all he desired in his life, and that dream was pulverized under the iron hoof that is Princess Twilight.

The worst part is that he doesn’t fully understand why he can’t. It took some explaining when he first arrived, and even a demonstration on a less than willing Spike but Twilight simply stated that under no circumstance should he boop a pony’s snoot. So now Anon is left alone to contemplate suicide, as there’s no incentive for him to live.

But what’s the harm? He sits up in thought. It’s not like anything catastrophic will happen. Right?

Sure, he may get in trouble but other than a brief apology and promise of never doing it again, he’s positive all will be forgiven. This was his one dream and to be denied it is cruel and unusual punishment!

“Yeah, screw that somewhat attractive purple nerd!” Anon shouts to himself.

“Anon, did you say something?!” Twilight yells from another room.

“Nothing! Just thinking about what I’ll do in Equestria!” He quickly makes an excuse. “How was your day?!”

“It’s five in the morning! Now stop talking to yourself and come down for breakfast!”

“I’ll be down in ten minutes!”

Anon can already feel his heart racing with the notion of breaking this rule Twilight has placed on him. Even as he gets dressed and enters the kitchen where Twilight and Spike sit and eat, his mind is endlessly coming up with possible scenarios of who and when he’ll boop. Taking his seat and eating a bowl of oats, he wonders if he should merely boop Twilight and get it over with.

While she is quite strict, she’s also understanding and will forgive him for ignoring her rule, but he dreads that one boop may not be enough. So, his best chances of booping are alone with a random pony Twilight rarely talks with, so her friends are out of the question. It’ll be dangerous, and there’s a possibility of catching the flu, but he’s confident he can explain away that it’s a weird cultural thing and they’ll keep their mouth shut.

A smile creeps onto his face. Yes, then he can boop all the mares he wants behind Twilight’s back, maybe even a few stallions too. He shivers some at the thought of booping a filly.

“Are you alright?” Twilight asks noticing Anon sweating profusely.

“Just fine.” Anon picks up a nearby napkin and wipes his brow. “Better than fine.”

Twilight has no idea what to think about Anon or if his behavior is due to his race or him specifically but so far he’s cooperative, so she lets a lot of what he does slide.

“If you’re getting sick, let me know. We’re not entirely sure if you may have a disease us ponies don’t have. So it’s paramount that you inform me of any abnormal changes.”

“Understood.” Anon quickly gets out of his seat. “All done! If you don’t mind, I'd like to explore Ponyville a little.”

Twilight brightens up at hearing that. “Really? Sure! It’s nice knowing you’re finally going out. There’s a lot to see, and I’m sure you’ll be making friends in no time!”

“I agree!” Anon walks to the door. “I’ll be back before dark. Later!”

Closing the door behind him, Anon smiles as he looks over the few ponies awake as they start their day. He’s not so careless as to boop just any pony. No, he needs to find a pony that’s alone most of the time and boop them. That way, no others will tell Twilight, and the chance of him explaining why he did it to keep their muzzle shut will have the highest chance of success.

Like a hungry predator, Anon’s eyes lock onto the early rising red stallion known as Big Mac. In his short time here, Twilight was sure to explain every single friend she had and family member associated with them. So Anon knows that stallion rarely says anything and works the farm alone. It’s a shame his first won’t be with a mare or filly, but there’s nothing wrong with a firm and robust snoot now and then.

So, without hesitation, Anon walks up to the stallion before he does anything noteworthy.

“Hi, there!” He greets with a smile. “You’re Big Mac, right? AJ’s brother?”

Big Mac looks over at the odd creature in front of him. He recalls his sister saying something about an alien, but he thought she was fooling around.

“Eeyup.” He replies.

“Do you mind if I hang out with you? I heard you were a farmer and believe it or not; I’m a bit of a green thumb myself.” Big Mac sits there looking at Anon for a solid minute before shrugging and nodding his head for him to follow. “Thank you. It’s been awhile, and it’ll be nice to get some fresh air.”

Big Mac only nods in reply. Anon feels that he’s hit the jackpot! Now, as soon as they’re alone, he’ll boop him and quickly make his retreat. Then perhaps another day will come when Anon can boop others, but for now, he must be content with who he’s with now.

“I have to say your farm is beautiful.” Anon remarks as he looks over the orchard beside Big Mac.

“Eeyup.” Is all the stallion says.

“I like Ponyville and all but being out here, just the two of us, it’s nice.”

Big Mac finds this creature saying odd things. Though he rightly doesn’t know much about aliens and their culture and so far he’s been kind enough to help out with carrying apples to the barn, so Mac can’t complain.

This is the moment Anon has been waiting for! He hasn’t seen a single pony since coming here and if there was ever a perfect time for him to boop, the time is now!

Anon shifts to face Big Mac and the stallion meets his gaze blankly. Anon is sweating and trembling, doubt filling his body but he’s already here, and he’s going to take what he wants! Quicker than he’d like, he lifts his finger and presses it into Big Mac’s snoot. Instant release, a content sigh leaves Anon as his knees quake, threatening to buckle but he holds steady.

His gaze is on his hand that did the deed. It was quick, but he could feel all the little details of the stallion's nose. It was slightly moist, and as he pressed in, he felt some give but overall was firm. He could feel how strong his snoot was and if it weren’t for his already compromised position, he’d do it again, but now he must do some damage control.

“I don’t feel so good.” Comes from the stallion.

Confused, Anon looks up and is disturbed to see Big Mac starting to disintegrate. Gradually from his hind end up to his back. All Big Mac can do is look at Anon’s expression as the world fades from him little by little. He doesn’t understand what is happening. It was just a typical day, and then he felt ill for some reason, but despite his confusion, he knows his time is coming to an end. He looks up to the lone human as his shock turns to horror.

“I don’t want to go.” Big Mac says.

Anon didn’t want this, not this. He just wanted to boop a snoot and that one dream has cost another pony dearly. Regret fills him as he runs to try and grab Big Mac in a hopeless attempt to keep him here but as soon as he makes contact, what was left of his body scatters and flies off on the wind. Anon falls to his knees as he looks at the small amount of dusk that remains in his hands. His mind is completely blank.

“Hey there, Anon!” AJ says walking up to Anon. “What brings you here?”

“I-I killed Big Mac.”

AJ cocks her head. “This some weird alien joke?”

Anon grabs AJ by the withers and shakes her. “This isn’t a joke! I killed him! I killed your brother!”

AJ confusion turns to amusement. “Oh, I see. This is that acting thing Rarity told me about.”

“What? No, this isn’t acting! Your brother brought me here to work the farm, and now he's gone!”

“Anon... I don’t have a brother," She chuckles. "but you had me going there! Now, if you said that stuff about my sister, I might have believed you.”

And just like that, another punch to the gut. Anon’s dream has been turned into a curse and for as long as he lives, he’ll never boop a pony again.

“AJ,”

“Yeah?”

“Do you wanna have sex?”

Author's Notes:

What even is my life?