Author's Notes:

Famous: This story was a blast... and harder than I thought to write. I just wanted to do a Spike/Trixie for a while so I'm glad I finally made it happen.

Curify: Laugh or facepalm. It's your choice.

“Trixie is late!”

Trixie was, indeed, late.

“Those accursed mules couldn’t count to twelve even if they were sober!” Trixie growled. “Now she cannot meet Starlight at the allocated time that was designated for our…. meeting!”

She raced down the dirt pathways of Ponyville in her attempts to make up lost ground. If she wanted to get to the restaurant before half-price shake hour was over, she was going to have to hurry. After all, half-price shake hour at Canyon’s Frozen Custard was a weekly tradition between her and Starlight. Even at full-speed, Trixie was still going to cut it close. But, hopefully, Starlight was already there and would order for them.

She finally found her way onto the cobblestone paths of downtown Ponyville and from there it was a but a hop, skip and a jump to the restaurant. And hop, skip and jump she did in her efforts to get there on time.

“There it is!” Trixie cried out, the front door in sight.

The door flew open to the small establishment.

“Trixie has finally arrived!” she shouted, gasping for breath. “Trixie apologizes for being late! She was busy waiting for mules to count envelopes! It was not her fault! She—”

Paused. Trixie’s eyes scoured the restaurant. It was a plain old restaurant. Tables dotted in the main floor, while booths hugged the walls of the dining area. A central area where ponies lined up to order greeted her.

Unfortunately, the line of ponies were not happy. They glared at her with a vengeance. It made Trixie nearly lose her hooves, her knees shaking, but that all changed when a warm smile zipped into her line of sight.

“Excuse me, miss?”

Trixie looked at the bright face. It belonged to a stallion, who didn’t look like he was trying to smile too much. His shirt he wore blazoned the company’s logo: a small ice cream cone with the words “Canyon’s Frozen Custard” stitched in red.

“Miss?”

“Huh?”

The smile didn’t waver. “Are you okay?”

Trixie shook her head rapidly, before nodding. “Yep! Sorry, Trixie was quite frazzled after running her errands. She was so focused on getting here that she nearly winded herself and—”

“It’s okay, miss. Are you looking for somepony?”

“Yes, actually. Trixie had to arrive here to visit her dear friend, Starlight. Where would she be seated?”

“Oh yes, of course. Yeah, Starlight came in earlier,” the stallion replied.

“Oh good! She and I were to eat some fantastic frozen custard while chatting about the agonizing world of Twilight Sparkle’s daily assignments.”

“Yes, well, I believe she had already left and—”

Trixie was shocked.

“Trixie is shocked she would leave! Why would she do that?”

“Well, some stallion came in, they talked for a bit and then they walked out the door and—”

“Some stallion?” Trixie’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. “Trixie was not aware our dinner date was being expanded. She would’ve told me! Quick, you must tell me where they went. This is a matter most urgent.”

“Look, miss,” he replied. “All I know is what I already told ya’. They walked out the door about ten minutes ago or so. I don’t know what else to say.”

“Hmph, it’ll have to do,” Trixie said with a roll of her eyes. “I bid you and your yeoman a good day.” With that, she turned around and exited through the door.

The afternoon sun was still high in the sky which boded quite well for the quest she was about to embark on. A quest that was far-greater in importance than any of her previous fantastical, if not a bit over-exaggerated, conquests.

Her best, and honestly only friend was missing… and she was whisked away by a mysterious stallion no less. Yes, this would be a challenge. No, this would be a mission unlike any other! But she was willing to make the sacrifice, if only for Starlight, the only pony who appreciated her greatness.

But where to start?

Trixie darted her eyes around. From her position at the front door of the establishment she could see quite a bit of the town center. But, of course, any marenapper worth his weight in cryptocurrency wouldn’t hide his victim in such broad daylight. No, this would be much more of a challenge than that.

Time was a factor, however. Ten minutes had gone by according to the manager and at least an additional two had passed while she was inner-monologuing about the search she had yet to undertake. She needed to hurry.

Starlight could be anywhere by this point, though. The somewhat dark alleys of Ponyville downtown, the malicious woods of the Everfree, the haunting valleys of Sweet Apple Acres, in front of the Roseluck’s flower stall in the middle of town…

“Roseluck’s flower stall?” Trixie blinked a few times to make sure her vision wasn’t making the grave error of trying to fool her. Her vision knew better. “It is! Starlight!”

Sure enough, Starlight was standing in front of the stall off in the distance, and appeared to be holding a flower in her magic. It took all of twenty-three seconds for Trixie to beeline toward her. But then… she saw the fiend…

“You there!” Trixie shouted as soon as she took her first hoofstep on the town square. “Unhoof that mare, lest you trigger the wrath of the The Vengeful and Heroic Trixie!”

All the ponies in the square froze at the sudden interjection. This, of course, was okay by Trixie. The more witnesses to the fiend right under their noses, the better.

However, there were only two ponies that Trixie was directly concerned with. Her friend Starlight, who was facehoofing like there was no tomorrow and, of course, the pink stallion unicorn with a black and pink striped mane standing next to her.

Now that her presence had properly been notified to all, she made her way over to the two.

“Listen here, you pony of ill-repute!” She said, thrusting her hoof at the mystery stallion. “You will leave Starlight unharmed and return to the pits from whence you came.”

The stallion’s eyes were as wide as saucers, almost seeming to fear the consequences of blinking. “Uhm, Starlight, what’s happening?”

Starlight made a move to inch toward him but was quickly pulled away by a blue aura of magic.

“Get behind me, Starlight,” Trixie stated. “It seems this riff-raff only learns the hard way. Very well, it’s time for batt—”

“Trixie!” Starlight shouted, using her own magic to move the mare aside. “Calm down and listen for a second! I’m not in trouble.” She trotted over and stood beside the stallion.

“Oh,” the stallion said, slowly loosening his posture up. “Is this the famous Trixie you’ve told me about?”

“Yes, this would be her,” Starlight replied, chuckling.

Trixie, for all intents and purposes, was not ready to let her guard down. “Starlight, who is this?”

Starlight let out a sigh. “Trixie, this is Poptart. Poptart, this is Trixie.”

The stallion looked to Starlight for a moment before turning his attention to Trixie. “Hi there, Trixie. It’s, um, nice to meet you officially. Starlight’s told me a lot about you.”

Trixie sneered. “I see. A likely story! Perhaps Trixie would be a bit more willing to believe your falsehoods had you not whisked my friend away from our custard date for your own deranged desires!”

“The custard shop?” Poptart asked, rubbing his head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. I just ran into Starlight there and—”

“And you thought that was the perfect time to pounce!” Trixie shouted, jumping a bit farther into his personal bubble than was socially acceptable. “You used you slick words and mildly effeminate charm to lure her away, all the while in cahoots with the management to make it out before I arrived!”

Poptart looked at Starlight. “Cahoots?”

Starlight shook her head. “Enough, Trixie! That’s not how it went at all!”

“Oh, really!” Trixie stated, still giving the evil-eye to Poptart. “What other possible reason would you have for exploring the town with a strange stallion such as this one?”

“He’s my boyfriend, that’s why.”

“You see! Just as I… What?”

Once upon a time, the world made sense to Trixie. But of course, there was also a time when sitcoms were funny and boy bands didn't play instruments.

Those days were long gone.

Suffice it to say, her jaw was on the floor and didn’t have any plans of returning to its normal state any time soon. Trixie had seen and heard many shocking and unexplainable things in her life. The rise of Sombra. The kidnapping of Twilight and her friends by changelings. Blood on the Prance Floor and other related bands. But this.. This calamity made Trixie imagine the gates of Tartarus swallowing all of Equestria whole, and then some.

Starlight frowned and turned to Poptart. “Look, you should probably go. Me and Trixie need to have some girl time, okay?”

“Sure, I get it,” he replied. “No need to worry. It was uh… nice to meet you, Trixie. I hope to see you again.”

Starlight gave him a quick peck on the cheek and waved as he made his way off. Meanwhile, Trixie was still in a state of shock.

“Trixie,” Starlight stated, using a hoof to shut her mouth. “Come with me. We’re gonna have a talk.”

Trixie merely nodded, still attempting to comprehend the news. Starlight? A boyfriend? Trixie didn’t know about it? A stallion she never met?

It was quite a bit.

It was a short walk for Starlight and Trixie to the nearby pond on the edge of town. But those five minutes were some of the most awkward minutes Trixie had ever experienced in her life. For once, she had no idea what to say. She always had something to say. But this situation left her speechless, flabbergasted and even a bit bamboozled.

Lucky for her, however, upon arrival, Starlight was the first to break the silence.

“Okay, Trixie, now that we’re alone, let’s talk.” Starlight sat down in the soft grass bidding Trixie to do the same.

Of course, Trixie was more than content to remain standing. “Yes, let’s talk, shall we?”

Starlight frowned. “First, before everything else happens, I want to apologise for leaving the shop before you got there. That was very rude of me and I have no excuse. Well, I do, but not a good one, anyway. So, I’m sorry about that.”

Trixie sneared. “It was quite embarrassing, just so you’re aware. But, Trixie forgives you, Starlight.”

Starlight smiled. “Well, I’m glad to hear it, Trixie. Now, as far as—”

“But!” Trixie interjected. “What Trixie cannot forgive is why you chose to spend your time with some stallion as opposed to your best friend. A stallion that Trixie has never met, by the way.”

“That’s what I was about to mention,” Starlight said. “I promise, I didn’t purposefully forget our plans to spend time with him. Just, the thing is, when you were running late, he showed up by chance we talked a bit and went into town. I kinda lost track of why I was there in the first place.”

“Hmph, excuses.” The blue mare sneered. “Trixie doesn’t even know this stallion you claim to be your boyfriend. Where did you even meet him? When did you even meet him? Trixie thought for sure any stallion worth your time would be introduced to Trixie before all others.”

“Look.” Starlight let out a sigh. “I promised I was planning on introducing you two. I just wanted to make sure he and I were actually going to be hanging out regularly before I did. So, you know, I didn’t waste anypony’s time. No use in introducing you to a pony you’d never see again.”

Trixie attempted to keep her snyde face, but her logic was at least starting to make sense. “Go on…”

“So, I’ll give you the full story.” Starlight cleared her throat. “I was in Manehattan a couple weeks ago with Twilight and them and we went to some museum. You know, the artsy type with a bunch of hipsters wearing skinny overalls and mock-ups of Twilight’s crown.”

“Trixie unfortunately knows the kind of which you speak.”

“Anyway,” Starlight continued. “All the girls wanted to go look at all the fancy stuff but they had a really cool section dedicated to weird stuff. You know, the macabre and dark artwork I decided to check that out on my own and I just so happened to run into Poptart there while looking at a sculpture.”

Trixie scrunched her face. “The chance encounter?”

“Right! We talked for just a bit and then I found out he likes that artwork too because he uses it as inspiration for his band’s music and lyrics. Oh yeah, he’s in a band, by the way.”

Trixie’s eyes widened. “He’s a musician?”

“Mm-hmm,” Starlight said with a smile. “He’s the vocalist for a band called Saddle of Filth.”

“Saddle of Filth?” Trixie grimaced. “That sounds rather grotesque if you ask Trixie.”

“Yeah, they’re a bit on the extreme side… and pretty underground,” Starlight said with a shrug. “But, it got us talking and by the time we parted ways, he invited me to see one of his shows a couple days later. I did and we hung out afterwards for a bit and I guess we both saw something there because he asked if I’d be interested in going steady with him.” Starlight couldn’t help but giggle and smile as she finished the sentence.

Trixie, however, had no business with giggles or smiles. “Going steady? After two dates? Are you mad? You hardly know the pony!”

“True,” Starlight said. “But, we were in the moment. Anyway, I’ve gone over to Manehattan a couple times since then to see him and it’s been going great!”

“Well, that just may be, but you are leaving out one important detail.” Trixie trotted up to Starlight, her eyes peering into her soul. “Why was he here in Ponyville today if he ran into you by supposed accident? Trixie still calls shenanigans.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. “I was a bit surprised, too. But, as it happens, he was in town visiting his cousin, Bon Bon, and whilst doing so, he was asking around to see if any of the local establishments would be interesting in having his band play there.”

“An extreme metal band at a custard shop?”

Starlight shrugged. “Apparently you have to cast a wide net when getting your name out there. Anyway, he ran into me, we went to the town square and then you decided it was high time to blow the roof off the joint.”

“Pfft!” Trixie exclaimed. “Trixie did no such thing. The town square is outside and therefore has no roof. But, Trixie does understand the situation… somewhat. But she’s still not happy.”

“I understand,” Starlight said, rising to her hooves. “I’m sorry I took so long to tell you. It was nothing personal, okay?”

Trixie averted her eyes. “Okay. Trixie will accept your apology. But don’t expect her to become best friends with Poptart. Trixie is still going to keep her eyes on him.”

“Deal.” Starlight finished off their conversation by wrapping a foreleg around her friend and giving her a tight, yet one-sided hug. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to try and catch up with him before it gets much later.”

“But what about our custard date?” Trixie pouted at the mare as she trotted away.

“Don’t worry,” Starlight said, turning around for a brief moment. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I’ll see you later, Trix!”

And with a wave, Starlight wandered off leaving Trixie to her own devices. And frankly, Trixie wasn’t sure what to do.

Trixie didn’t know what time it was, but she surely was wrapped up in this conniption of hers, and time wasn’t on her mind. She still couldn’t believe that Starlight could snatch herself a boyfriend like Poptart, while she, the Great and Beautiful Trixie, could not attract the lustrous gaze of a stallion!

“How did a mare like Starlight get such a stud?”

“Stud?” a voice questioned from the dark depths of Trixie’s mind.

“Yes, a stud and—”

Trixie stopped and saw her mind turning into the form of a dragon with purple and green scales.

Trixie saw Spike.

“Spike!”

“Yes, that is my name, and don’t wear it out, sista!”

Trixie would normally be appalled by his barbaric lingo, but she had other priorities right now: self-deprecation, stewing in her misery, and being overemotional just to name just a few on her long list of depravity.

“Why are you here in Twilight’s study?”

“Doing my daily rounds in order to keep Twilight’s sanity in check.” He hobbled over to a bookcase. “The better question is why the heck are you here? Shouldn’t you be out annoying the citizens of Equestria or whatever it is you do?”

“Spike, Trixie entertains the peasants of Ponyville. She does not annoy them with whatever fantasies you conjure.”

“I do not fantasize about how you—” He paused, blinking aimlessly at the bookcase, before shaking his head. “Nevermind! You still haven’t told me why you’re here.”

“Trixie was getting to that until you decided to be vapid about it.” She turned to face her nemesis. “Trixie had asked Twilight for permission to use her study to promptly brood over Starlight’s new boyfriend and—”

A book fell from the bookcase, hitting Spike on his noggin. “Starlight got a boyfriend!?”

“I know, right?” Trixie shouted. “She’s got this stallion by accident at a museum!”

Spike, looked at Trixie, blinking a few times. “Wow, I can tell you’re upset. You actually didn’t refer to yourself in the third person, for once. This must be serious.”

Trixie slumped onto the desk in front of her. “Agh! It’s just that Trixie did not want to be ousted by a stallion amused by the dark arts!”

“Hold up, Trixie,” Spike said, placing the book that hit his head on the desk. “You’re saying that this stallion knows how to resurrect the dead? Be careful of mentioning this to Twilight, she might try to get one of those ancient scholars she always talks about back just to torture him with a century long interview on the intricacies of magic.”

Trixie looked at the dragon. “No, much, much worse.”

“What could possibly be worse than th—”

“Spike, he’s in a death metal band! They’re called Saddle of Filth or some such nonsense.”

“Oh, I know them!” Spike said. “But, there’s kind of an issue with your logic there.”

“What is that?”

“They’re more a melodic-deathcore band than death metal. They have influences from a few music styles like—”

Trixie glared at him. “Save your elitism for another day, Spike. Trixie doesn’t have the time nor the energy for it today.” She sagged in her seat. “She’d much rather inhale several gallons of ice cream just to make her stomach feel the same pain as Trixie does.”

“Have you been hanging out with Rarity too much?” Spike suddenly gasped. “Shoot! I better save her before she needs to visit the doctor again. Last time she got in an ice cream coma, I had to help her for months while she recovered—not that it was a hassle or anything, I just don’t like seeing her suffer and all that jazz.”

“Trixie understands caring for a loved one, but that is going over several hoops for somepony, Spike.” Her stomach grumbled in response. “And Trixie thinks her stomach thanked you.”

“I’m glad that you’re not thinking of heading to the hospital for an… ice cream binge,” Spike replied with a raised brow. “You know, maybe you might need me to talk this out with you so Twilight could have her study back.”

“Trixie did not take Twilight’s study, she merely borrowed it with her permission.”

Spike gave her the death stare. “I heard Twilight yelp from down the hall and thought she just tripped on a stack of books. Turns out, she told me that you barreled your way down here and shut the door without requesting for the room first.”

Trixie sighed. She had been played. She needed this place to brood, because no other place was suitable. The custard shop was closed; her wagon wasn’t soundproof, so if she got angry, ponies would probably think the sounds of her anger were her being strangled by a timberwolf, therefore calling the Elements to save her from being an Equestrian lunchable; and the Sugarcube Corner, although friendly as can be, was not a suitable place for one to brood. Pinkie Pie was too enamored obsessed with the idea of making a pony happy, and Trixie didn’t want to be happy.

Trixie wasn’t happy at all.

“I’m not happy!” Trixie said with a frown.

“Oh really? I would've never guessed. Alert the media, they need to get it on this scoop!”

“Trixie has activated her trap card, so shut yours, Spike!”

Spike chuckled and clapped his claws together. “That was a valiant attempt at a Po-Ni-Oh reference and I will give you due props for it.”

Trixie groaned. “Valiant is not as powerful as Trixie would like, but Trixie shan’t be bothered with going farther.” Her eyes fell to the lifeless desk in front of her. “Starlight has bested her in this feat.”

“Getting a boyfriend? Is it really that much of a big deal to you?” Spike rubbed his chin. “Then again, given your personality, getting somepony to go out with you would be quite the accomplishment.”

Trixie scrunched her face at him before returning to her sorrowful state. “Spike, having somepony being that admired by you is something Trixie aspires to have in her life.”

Spike grinned and slapped Trixie on her back. “Look at you! Soon you’ll be turning into a female Shakespony writing limericks about how daring and dashing your partner is!”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Trixie does not recall that stallion writing daring and dashing limericks.”

“That’s not the point!” Spike said, looping an arm around Trixie. “Honestly, if getting a boyfriend means that much to you, let me help you out.”

Suddenly, Trixie’s mind exploded into a Major Ursa. “Spike! You’re a genius!”

He casually smiled at her. “Yeah, you’re not the first mare to tell me that.”

Trixie grabbed onto the dragon with her magic and hoisted him high. “No, you don’t understand, Spike! You have solved all Trixie’s problems with one simple request!”

“I have?”

The magically ensnared dragon slowly levitated down to his seat again. “Yes!”

“How? By being snarky?”

Trixie’s maniacal smile drove Spike’s smile to the dirt. “You can act as my boyfriend!”

“I’m doing… what?”

“It is elementary my dear dragon,” Trixie said, pretending to puff on one of those fancy Equestrian pipes. “You shall be Trixie’s fake boyfriend while she is around Starlight!”

“Trixie, I don’t think that’ll solve—”

“Nonsense, Spike! Trixie is the smartest and most powerful mare in all the land! She knows what she is doing!”

“Two questions,” Spike said. “First, how many more titles are you going to add to your name before this conversation ends?”

“They are not additions, they are mere modifications.” Trixie shrugged. “And as many as are appropriate for getting her point across.”

“Okay, then question two: How exactly will this solve your sadness and whatnot with the whole ‘Starlight’s boyfriend’ thing?”

Trixie smiled. ‘You see, when Starlight sees that Trixie has a boyfriend all of her own, we will finally be on a level playing field. And what’s more, if Trixie’s relationship is better than hers, then Trixie will once again feel Great and Powerful. Understand?”
“Absolutely not.”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Spike, Trixie needs to have a boyfriend for the sake of being around Starlight right now. Not only did she talk about him like there he was a deity without rival, she… she dumped Trixie at the custard shop for him. And if this plan works, we’ll see who’s leaving who at custard shops in the future!”

Spike deadpanned. “So, yeah, I’m just gonna let you know that I can see no conceivable way this will work or solve anything. But, if I’m gonna pretend to be your boyfriend, what do I get out of it?”

Trixie smirked. “Why, you obviously get the privilege of being with Trixie herself! A feat never accomplished by any pony or dragon before.”

“Hmm, I wonder why?”

“And I suppose I can throw a few bits your way, too.”

Spike grinned. “Now you’re speaking my language. Okay, what do we do first?”

Trixie thought for a moment. “Well, Starlight and Poptart should be—”

“Poptart?”

“That’s her boyfriend’s name,” Trixie stated.

“Ahh, gotcha.” Spike chuckled. “What kinda name is Poptart for a guy in a metal band?”

“All the more reason for us to upstage them.” Trixie began pacing. “They should be out for a date tonight considering he’s in town. Our mission will be to infiltrate whatever establishment they’re at and show them how a real couplespends a romantic evening.”

“Oh, boy... “ Spike shook his head. “So, we just go in and out of every restaurant until we find them?”

“Precisely!”

Spike shrugged. “Well, we’re off to a fantastic start already, I see. But I want my bits up front, okay?”

“Deal.”

And with that, Trixie’s nonsensical plan was put into motion. The results of this plan, however? Only time would tell what those would be.

But they probably wouldn’t be good.

The sun was setting upon the quiet village of Ponyville. Ponies were going back to their homes for the night and enjoying quiet time together. Others, perhaps, were already asleep, getting ready for a long days’ work.

Others might be plotting excessive levels of nonsense while hiding behind conveniently located booth in a dining establishment.

“There she is, Spike,” Trixie said to the dragon stooped next to her. “Look at her…”

Spike peered over the seat. “Yep, that’s Starlight… being Starlight in her natural habitat. What’s the issue?”

Trixie popped her head next to his. “Evil incarnate, that’s what.”

“No, I only see that the morning after burrito night at the castle.”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Listen, do you not see her, there? Talking, laughing, enjoying time without Trixie and showing no remorse?”

Spike shrugged. “I think most ponies feel that way when you’re not aro—Ow!” A swift hoof sideswiped Spike’s train of thought. “Okay, okay! Fine, so what do you want to do about it?”

“Ice cream still isn’t an option?”

The dragon glared at her. “Don’t even think about it.”

Trixie tried.

“At least Trixie tried,” she said with a shrug. “The only other option Trixie has is to interrupt her as she comes closer to us.”

“And then…?”

Trixie smirked. “And then we stri—” She was interrupted by the sounds of hooves scurrying to the booth.

The two looked over at the assailant. He stood tall, towering over the two, with a shiny name tag on his black tee. He stared at them with big green eyes. “Can I help you two?”

“Um…”

Time ticked on. Sweat dripped down Trixie’s face, while Spike simply snapped back between the two, as if he was trying to get the whole scoop on the situation.

Then, Trixie opened her mouth.

And she was not happy.

“Trixie is not happy that you’re ruining her snooping spot.”

Spike raised a brow at Trixie. “You’re telling him that we’re literally stalking someone?”

The stallion facehooved. “I have to agree with the dragon here. That’s not a good idea.” The two shared a short smile and a curt nod. “Now, I hate to break to you both, but if you want to stay here and stalk some innocent ponies, then order some food. Otherwise, I’ll have to ask you to leave—”

“Firstly, we’re not stalking, we’re spying,” Trixie began, sneering at the intruder. “Secondly, Trixie already ate and—ow, Spike!”

Spike returned his arm to his side and rolled his eyes. “Come on, Trixie, let’s go get in line for some food.”

Trixie looked at Spike, her jaw hanging by a thread. “But what about us spying on Starlight? We have to make sure she does not—” Her tirade was cut short by a quite forceful shove to her side. “Hey, don’t shove Trixie off her snooping spot!” She shouted, waving her hoof at the dragon dragging her. “And why are you dragging Trixie? She can walk just fine.”

“Because if I didn’t, you’d still be arguing with that stallion,” Spike said. He let go of the mare. “Now let’s go up front, and quit your wallowing.”

“Trixie does not wallow. She speaks the truth.”

“Whatever you say, Trixie.”

The two waddled up to the counter. A huge menu hung above them, listing all the products the dining establishment had to offer. A young mare stood behind the counter with a huge smile on her face, a smile that said, ‘Hello world, I’m ready to take your order!’.

“Welcome to The Hay Burger, home of the Hay Burger, how may I help you today?”

Spike looked over at Trixie, who, for the duration of him dragging her towards the counter, was rambling while staring in the direction of Starlight and Poptart’s booth on the opposite end of the joint. Now, Trixie was fixated at the location of the pair, her eyes staring daggers at the wall blocking her view. He couldn’t help but sigh and tap his claws on the counter. “We’ll order one hayburger with no pickles, and one little tike’s meal for her.”

Suddenly, Trixie snapped her attention to the dragon leaning against the counter. “A little tike’s meal?” she said with a raised brow. “You know Trixie is not hungry an—”

“Would that be all today, sir?”

Spike groaned. “Actually… not exactly. I need to order for Twilight. She really would be ticked if we didn’t get her something to eat.” Spike twiddled with his chin and then let out an exasperated sigh. “Look, I’m going to have to say this with a bit more gusto than usual, so if I say anything a bit left field, let me know if you need some clarity, okay?”

The mare at the counter bobbed her head.

Spike coughed, before taking a deep breath.

And suddenly, Trixie was not interested in Starlight’s date.

“Could I have two hayburgers with just pickles, two cheeseburgers, and a cheeseburger with everything on it, four more hayburgers with everything on them, a cheeseburger without pickles, and a cheeseburger with nothing but pickles, two more hayburgers with extra mustard, a hay MAC with no mayo, a hay MAC with mayo, and one large fry, two medium fries, three junior fries, a large fry, a small fry with extra ketchup, a large hay shake, two medium hay shakes, three small hay shakes, another medium hay shake, one small chocolate shake, one large chocolate shake, one small coke, two large cokes, and an extra hayburger with a smiley face and the words ‘Fleur alikuwa hapa’ written directly under it in ketchup?”

To Trixie’s shock, the mare at the counter nodded and began rapidly reading his order back to him, to the T.

“Actually… not quite.”

Or so she thought.

“I said two hayburgers with just pickles…”

While Spike was trying to tell the cashier how to listen to an order being rambled off in triplicate, Trixie was trying to focus her attention on the happy couple in the booth on the opposite end of the joint. Unfortunately the amount of objects placed directly in front of her vision made it impossible for her to see without her horn igniting, which may cause some ponies to look over if she wasn’t holding a tray full of food in her magic.

“Agh!” Trixie groaned aloud. “No pony needs this much food. Trixie can smell an Equestria Obesity pandemic spreading already.”

“Oh, be quiet and let’s get a table,” Spike said.

Trixie carried the massive tray of food while Spike merely carried the beverages behind her. They found their way to a nearby booth and Trixie hastily slammed the food down.

“So, now that we’re here and see them having a good time, what’s the plan of action?” Spike asked whilst unwrapping a hayburger and munching on it.

Trixie glared at him. “Our plan of attack is simple. We eat our respective burgers, pretend to run into them by accident and show her just how happy Trixie is without her! It’s genius!”

Spike drummed his fingers on the table. “It would appear you and I have extremely different definitions of genius. But, you know what, I’m getting paid to watch failure in its most pure state unfold so I may as well enjoy the ride. Ow! Stop that!”

“Trixie will not stop and she will kick you in the shin once more if you don’t start being useful.”

“Geez, fine.”

Trixie levitated over a burger and quickly scarfed it down before speaking. “Now, see here, dragon.” The mare grabbed a ketchup packet and used it’s contents to draw up plan of attack. “We’ll take a clockwise route around the restaurant, giving us ample time to get acquainted with our surroundings.”

“Uh-huh, go on.”

“During this time, you will be holding Trixie’s hoof and pretending to have a delightful conversation with me about how happy we are.”

Spike blinked. “Do I have to hold your—”

“Yes!” Trixie glared at him. “And the next step is the most important. We will casually pass by their table and state it is a surprise to see them and then immediately go into how happy we are together. Then we return to our seat and pretend to enjoy each other’s company until the the traitors take their leave.”

Spike deadpanned. “And what, pray tell, will this accomplish?”

“Everything, Spike!”

The dragon shook his head. “Alright, fine. But, I’m telling you, this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I can’t help but feel you’re acting off of some kind of misguided self-conflict and enacting it upon Starlight.”

Trixie waved a hoof. “I’ve never heard such nonsense!”

“You slipped out of third person again.”

“Curses!” Trixie slammed a hoof down on the table. “Well, regardless of Trixie’s tense preferences, our time to act is now. Follow me, Spike.”

“As you say, oh great and powerful one.”

Trixie slipped out of her seat and onto her hooves, followed by Spike who performed the same action with far less finesse. And just like that, they began the circle trek around the dining area.

Trixie nudged the dragon. “Spike, hold Trixie’s hoof.”

“But I…”

“Do it!”

Spike reached a claw out and found it quickly latched with Trixie’s hoof.

“Now for the important part,” Trixie stated as they got closer to their target. “We must appear to the be the best couple Equestria has ever seen. Don’t let Trixie down.”

Spike sighed. “The things I do for money…”

Trixie zeroed in on their targets: a giggling mare that was blushing red, and a stallion who was letting out a chuckle and eating his fries. She pulled her new boyfriend along, before doing as they planned: talking.

Only Trixie was struggling to get the words out.

“So, lover boy, what’re we doing next, because I don’t want this day to end just yet.’

That nearly got Spike to break out of character, but the dragon smirked and rattled out his reply, “Well, we can catch a train and go see a concert down in Manehattan, if you’re willing to listen to the best guitar riffs in all of Equestria.”

Trixie hummed an affirmative. “Trixie would like that a lot, Spike. Trixie shares her loving admiration of your charm.”

“Thanks… I’m glad you appreciate me—”

“What the hay are you two doing here?”

The two stopped in mid-stride. Trixie snapped to the direction of the voice and smirked. “My boyfriend and I are going to head to Manehattan to—”

The voice was Starlight’s and boy was she staring in disbelief. Spike couldn’t help but imagine her jaw having to be picked up by a janitor while a police pony writes down the crime of assault on Trixie’s record.

“Wow, Starlight, you’re really—”

“Shut up, Spike. I’m trying to find my sanity, because Trixie just made it run for the hills.”

Poptart raised a brow at all this. “You just lost your sanity over this mare and her dragon?”

“More like I just lost brain cells trying to comprehend how these two,” Starlight said, pointing to the two in front of her. “Are dating.” Her eyes darted to Spike. “What do you see in this mare?”

“Well, I—”

“Trixie heard him say it to her. He loves Trixie for her grace and power, and her aspirations of becoming Ponyville’s top magician!”

“But Trixie you are Ponyville’s only magici—”

“Sorry, Trixie stuttered. Becoming Equestria’s top magician!” Trixie corrected herself. The two wore smiles that nearly broke off their faces, hoping to all that was holy that Starlight was not going to see right through their flimsy plan.

After a few tick-tocks sounded from the clock above, Starlight shook her head and stood beside Trixie. “Trixie, girl talk.” Then her gaze snapped to Spike. “Spike, keep my seat warm.”

Spike just stood there, while his newfound beloved was taken from his sight.

“Hey dude, have a seat.”

Spike turned to see Poptart smirking, something that he wished he never saw.

Trixie and Starlight stood in the girl’s bathroom of the restaurant. Nopony else was inside—Starlight checked each stall to be sure. Trixie was watching Starlight splash some water on her face at one of the sinks.

“Starlight?”

Magic engulfed the handle, making the last few drops slowly sputter out of the sink. Then, Starlight turned to her, dripping from her cheeks. “Yes?”

“Are you mad?”

A pause. A towel eased out of the dispenser on the wall.

“No.”

That made Trixie raise a brow. “Then why are you reacting like Trixie committed murder?”

Starlight wiped her cheeks off and frowned. “I’m not. I just… didn’t think you’d ever find someone who loves you.” She paused and gave her friend a hug. “The sight of seeing you call Spike your boyfriend put me into a state of shock that made me conflicted, so I had to pull you aside.” That frown got whipped upside down. “How long have you been seeing him?”

Trixie felt her face warm up. “Trixie had her heart captured since last week.”

“Don’t tell me it was magical,” Starlight said, deadpanned on Trixie’s cheeks.

And boy, did Trixie want to hide, her hooves covering her cheeks. “It was… more than that.”

“Swear it?”

“Trixie would give her entire career on that.”

Trixie was really bad at playing poker.

The two mares stared at each other, waiting for the other to break. Starlight’s eyes were locked onto Trixie’s, embedding a glare of a thousand suns down on her friend. Trixie felt her world was being burnt to a crisp, her glare wavering to Starlight’s power, yet she would not give up the facade, keeping a strong hold on Starlight’s glow. It was then, Starlight made a move, a slight headlong glance at the door, before snapping onto Trixie’s face once again. Trixie tried to let out a brief sigh of relief, but her breath hitched as she saw Starlight pounce back with a vengeance.

Startled, Trixie forfeited her hand, her hooves covering her face. Starlight smirked.

“Ready to tell me it’s a lie?”

Trixie shook her head. “It’s not!”

“It’s not?” Starlight replied. “How is it not? Look, Spike’s a great guy and all, but only a week and you’re head over hooves for the dragon? You’ve never even looked once at him!”

Trixie frowned. “T-Trixie was embarrassed. She didn’t want to… be seen as promiscuous.”

For a moment, Starlight was seen stalwart, her glare still intense on her friend. But, on another hoof, Starlight looked confused, her brow raised slightly, as if to say, she did not expect this development.

And neither did Trixie.

“Have you been talking with Twilight lately?”

“No…” Trixie said. “Why does Trixie’s usage of words pertain to this matter?”

Starlight shook her head. “Nothing, look, I don’t buy this one bit, but I’ll give you a pass. I need to get back to my date with Poptart. We’ll talk about this later, okay?”

Trixie nodded. “Okay.”

“Oh, Trixie, one more thing.”

Trixie peered at her. “Yes?”

“So help me if I found out you’re just using Spike for some twisted game of yours, I will personally see to it that your hat becomes nothing more than a dustflap for your wagon. Are we clear?”

Trixie gulped and nodded. “Of course!”

“Good! Now let’s go.”

The talk was over, the two mares trucking out of the bathroom.

Meanwhile back at the booth...

Spike’s palms were sweaty, claws weak, his breathing was heavy. This was far and away the longest amount of time he’d had one-on-one guy talk with anypony… much less a stallion he didn’t know. Sure, he’d had conversations with Big Mac, if you could call them conversations. And yeah, he’s had the occasional bro time with Shining. But this!

This was uncharted territory.

“So, dude, you’re Spike right?”

Spike was snapped out of his trance at the higher registered voice of the stallion across the table. “Huh? Oh! Yeah, that’s me. I’m Spike. Ponyville’s resident dragon and stuff.”

“It’s great to meet you, bro,” he replied. “Starlight’s told me a ton about you.”

His eyes widened. “She has? Good stuff, I hope.”

He nodded. “Yeah, definitely! Is it true that they actually have a statue of you down at the Crystal Empire?”

Spike replaced his awkward look with a cocky grin. “You better believe it. They built that baby quite a few years ago when I, you know, saved Equestria and whatnot.”

“That’s so cool!” Poptart said. “I remember reading about it in a paper once or something. It’s really an honor to meet you.”

Spike eyed him up and down. This guy is alright.

“I appreciate it… Poptart, right?”

He nodded vigorously. “One and the same.”

Spike figured it was high time to change the topic of conversation. Apparently Poptart knew all about him, but maybe he could do a bit of digging on his own. See what this guy was really about and why he had business dating his friend.

“So, not that I don’t love talking about my accomplishments, but what about you? I heard somewhere you’re in a band or something?”

He winked. “Yessir! Saddle of Filth.”

“I’ve actually heard you guys, believe it or not,” Spike said. “I think I must’ve gone to one of your basement club shows in Manehattan. Pretty good from what I remember.”

The stallion’s face lit up. “Dude, thanks! I really appreciate it! We’re not that big or anything… yet. But we’re trying.”

“What made you wanna go down that road anyway? Starting a band, I mean.”

“Well, since I was a colt, it was always my life’s goal to make an annual salary of less than four-thousand bits.” He broke into a small fit of laughter, one that was shared with Spike, before continuing. “That, and, you know, I just love the more extreme side of art. I figured I might try my hoof at sharing it.”

“Sounds reasonable to me,” Spike replied with a thumbs up.

“No joke.” The stallion shrugged. “I mean, it helped me meet Starlight, at least.”

Spike’s eyes snapped open again. He had almost completely forgotten the reason he was there in the first place. This guy was dating Starlight. This was his chance to gather information.

“Starlight’s pretty cool,” Spike stated. “If you don’t mind me asking, what do you like about her? In my experience, most ponies can only stand to be around her in, shall we say, small doses of time.”

The stallion took a moment to brush his man out of his eyes and stared dreamily toward the ceiling. “I don’t know, dude. She’s just so awesome. LIke, we have all these interests we share, right?”

“Right.”

“But then there’s all this stuff that we don’t know about each other and stuff that we could learn from each other about. Like, I’m creative and good with music, she’s not. She’s really great at leading and managing stuff, I’m not. I can cook, she can do math, I’m good at sports, she’s good at reading huge novels; It’s like she’s the missing part of my personality. Not to mention she’s super pretty. And I just kind of look like an emo concert reject. I never thought a mare like her would be interested in me.” He punctuated his though with a sigh fit for a lovestruck filly.

Spike blinked. If he didn’t know any better, he’d be falling for Poptart at this point.

“Well, I’m glad to hear you like her so much, man.” Spike nodded. “That’s pretty great.”

Poptart pulled himself out of his dream state. “It really is. But what about you and your mare?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you’re with Trixie right?”

Spike snapped his claws. “Oh yeah! I almost forgot… forgot how wonderful she is! Yeah, everything is great there.”

“Good to hear it. It’s pretty crazy that you two just ran into us like this, today. Pretty crazy, right?”

Spike snickered. “Oh, you have no idea.”

“How long have you been seeing each other?”

Since the crack of 2:30 this afternoon…

“It’s been a minute,” Spike said with a shrug. “A very glorious minute, I might add.”

Poptart reached over and gave Spike a quick hoof bump. “Nice, nice. Not meaning to mow your grass or anything, but Trixie is pretty hot if I do say so myself. Looks like we both lucked out as far as mares go, huh?”

The idea of dating Trixie being referred to as anything short of irreparable misfortune was a foreign idea to Spike, but for the sake of keeping the charade going he kept his opinions to himself. At least he could be honest about her being cute. She was a looker, if nothing else.

“You got that right,” Spike said. “Hopefully there’ll be plenty more where that came from in the future.”

“Word up.”

The two shared a quick laugh before silence once again found its way between them.

“So,” Poptart said, drumming his hooves on the table. “They’ve been in the bathroom for a bit. I hope they’re okay.”

Spike waved a claw. “No worries, man. I’ve known those two for long enough. Whatever is going on in there will only work itself out in due time… And speaking of them!”

Spike and Poptart turned their heads to see Trixie and Starlight approaching them at a rapid pace.

“Well, Spike, I think it’s time for the most great and powerful couple in all of Ponyville to get going with the rest of our date.”

Spike’s eyes nearly boggled at his fake marefriend’s declaration. “Rest of our date?”

“Ah, then let’s not keep your mare waiting!” Poptart said with a gentle shove on Spike’s shoulder.

The dragon turned and rolled his eyes at Poptart, while Trixie wrapped her hooves around her drake before anything else could happen.

Starlight took her seat beside her stallion and nuzzled into his shoulder. “Mine,” she muttered.

Poptart smirked. “Same.”

“Come on, Spike, let’s head back to Twilight’s before her food gets cold.”

Spike nodded, and stood up. He turned to the two and smiled. “It was nice seeing you, Starlight.” Then, he turned to her boyfriend. “And it was surprisingly nice meeting you, Poptart.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Spike,” Poptart replied, his hoof looped around his mare. “The pleasure is all mine. Wait… surprisingly?”

Trixie stood gobsmacked, while Spike tugged at Trixie’s hoof with his claw.

“Come on, Trixie, let’s go.”

The took a few steps away before the visage of Poptart and Starlight watching their exit caught her eye.

“Wait, Spike,” she whispered.

“What?” he asked back with yet another eye roll.

Trixie had to show Starlight how serious she was about Spike. Or at least how serious she was pretending to be. Trixie had never been wrong before and she didn’t plan on starting now.

“Kiss me.”

His eyes flew out of his head. “What?”

“Just do it… please… for Trixie.”

Spike grimaced and then noticed the two ponies still at the booth watching him leave and then it made sense… in a weird, cosmic sort of way. “Fine, but you owe me.”

Trixie puckered her lips out like a mailbox waiting for a package, but nothing could have prepared her for the sensation of being kissed by a dragon.

Spike wrapped his arms around her and pulled her toward him, gently yet purposefully pushing his lips to hers. She unwittingly felt her heart jump at the action… and the strong arms wrapped around her… and the strange yet sultry scent of the cologne he wore for the evening…

And then it was over.

Trixie, despite her sudden state of shock, took a moment to look back at her rivals for the night at their booth. Both had eyes wider than saucers and mouths hanging to the table.

Mission accomplished, and then some.

“Alright, Trixie, let’s go,” Spike said, taking her hoof once more.

Trixie shook her head in an attempt to fully extricate herself of the kiss-induced trance. “B-But Trixie did not get the response she was looking for and—”

Spike growled at her. “And this is reality, where not everything goes your way, so let’s get a move on to Manehattan. We don’t have much time before the train leaves and—”

Trixie began moving with the dragon, her eyes now focused on his gaze. “Wait, aren’t we going to Twilight’s? And how do you know when the train goes?”

“We’ll just hand the food to Twilight’s guards. If they’re smart, they’ll haul it all up to Twilight’s room without a word. If they’re not… Twilight is going to scream at them for eating her favorite food,” Spike said with a chuckle. “As for the train, let’s say… I’ve been there a couple times.”

“Alright, if that’s what you think is best.”

The two walked out, carrying a whole supply of burgers and drinks to a mare who desperately needed it.

“But, Spike, just one question, if you don’t mind,” Trixie said, looking to the dragon next to her. “W-Where did one such as yourself learn to kiss like… like… that?”

Spike smirked. “I guess it’s just instinctive. I kinda just went with the flow. I wonder what I could do if I had some practice?”

Trixie felt a shiver run down her spine. “Trixie…. could nearly picture that.”

And picture that she did.

It was a long trip to Manehattan. Or at least that’s how it felt for the two of them. Where they had nothing but snark, jabs, and general tomfoolery dominating their conversations up until this point, they now had silence, awkwardness, and the occasional glance in each other’s directions.

“So, did you see the look on that guard’s face?” Spike asked, barely earning a nod out of Trixie. “I’m pretty sure he thought all that food was for him.”

“Mm, yeah… whatever.” Trixie sighed and rested back into her train seat.

This whole ride had been nearly impossible for the two of them. What went wrong was a mystery to Spike… and in some ways it was still a mystery to Trixie. But something just wasn’t right.

Luckily, the sudden stop of the train Manehattan train station was an excuse to progress their night forward and get away from the nonsense overtaking them.

Spike rose from his seat, reaching out a claw to help Trixie up from hers. She actually took it and rose from her seat as well. That’s when Spike knew things were wrong. Trixie? Accepting an act of kindness and affection without a smart-mouth or conceited retort?

Forget the talk with Poptart; this was uncharted territory.

The two made their way out of the train and out into the station. It took them all of a few seconds to get out into the streets. The cool night air blew over them. The stars hung high in the sky… or at least they assumed they did, but the city lights and pollution made a clear visage impossible.

Life in Manehattan was… vastly different from Ponyville. From the times that Spike had his escapades in the city, he remembered how the towers, although full of life, were lifeless. They soared to the skies, something that Ponyville was very far off from. And the ponies who would come out of those lifeless husks were the ones that Spike worried the most.

He and Trixie trekked through the streets of Manehattan. Ponies of the night were much more drab. They clung to the sidewalk, keeping their distance from one another as they clip-clopped across the beaten pavement. Spike knew to do the same. It was all tradition. As long as you see who passes you, nothing would come of you. Stray from the alleyways, unless you knew the going-ons of the place.

And Spike knew them well. It was like a second Ponyville, only it took him a bit longer to memorize the paths than he would have liked.

“Keep close, Trixie, okay?”

Trixie bobbed her head absent-mindedly, her eyes glazing over the dull candlelight glow of the city lamps.

Spike carried his noble companion through the many intersections and dimly lit alleyways. He remembered how disgusting they were. Most alleyways were filled with the sludge of ponies’ leftover garbage. Sometimes boxes with the occasional rat or hobo found their way in their track making Trixie nearly launch them into the air. Thankfully, Spike knew how to calm her down, letting the rat scurry into a nearby dumpster, while the hobo followed suit, seeking refuge from the great and wrath-bringing mare named Trixie.

After their many confrontations with the city’s wildlife, Spike and Trixie eventually ended up in a park, one with a singular wavy path that weaved between the oak and weeping willows of Manehattan's major park. Since the park was a long horizontal strip, Spike thought he could just take her through there instead, since not many ponies walked through the park at this time of night.

Spike, however, didn’t plan for Trixie to stop in the center of the lone bridge of the park.

“Trixie?”

He looked at her. She was staring off, wide-eyed, looking at all the passing carriages and ponies. Why was she just standing there, so.. Distant? She hasn’t been acting herself since the train ride, and he needed to know why.

“Trixie?”

The mare jolted out of her trance, her hooves gripping onto the edge of the bridge. “S-Spike?”

Spike strolled to her side. “I’m here. Look, what’s going on?”

The pounding of hooves. The night lights of the skyscrapers. The filth of the alleyways.

“I-I don’t know…”

Spike sighed and looked around. Where the hell can I find a—he spotted a lone bench beside a low-level lamp.

“Come on, let’s rest for a moment, okay?” Spike said, nudging her towards the bench.

Slowly, the couple meandered over to the long bench, worn by neglect. Spike was the first to sit down on the bench. The poor piece of lumber creaked in response, making Trixie raise a brow at him.

“Come on, it’s not going to crumble if you sit on it.”

Trixie rolled her eyes and sat down beside him. Like he said, the bench didn’t crumble. Unfortunately, it wasn’t happy that she sat down, either.

“See? No cracks!” Spike said with a smile.

Trixie wasn’t having any of it. She scooted away from him, her eyes tired, and her face lit with a dull white haze.

“So, as much joy as I get in seeing you taken down a peg, I can’t help but get depressed seeing you like this.” Spike shook his head. “So, what’s up? Spike the beans, the whole beans and nothing but the beans.”

Trixie grimaced. “Meh. Trixie just… I just don’t wanna do this anymore.”

“Do wh—”

“This!” Trixie thrust her hooves in the air, rapidly pointing back between herself and Spike. “This isn’t what Trixie had in mind!”

And then the floodgates were open.

There was something to be said for the sadness of seeing somepony completely broken and Spike was getting a full-on view of it before his very eyes. Every ounce of cockiness and confidence had disappeared from Trixie’s demeanor like the last donut at fat camp. Spike searched his mind far and wide for something, anything to lighten the mood as her eyes streamed forth a river of tears, but he couldn't find anything. And if Spike couldn’t find something about somepony to mock or make fun of, then things were serious.

Trixie let out a string of pitiful sobs and moans only muffled by the fact her face was buried into her hooves. There was nothing intelligent coming out of her mouth at his point, only pained whines and blubbering.

Spike, for his part, was not sure how to approach this situation. His usual response to a mare crying in his vicinity was to find the nearest area without a crying mare and make haste towards it. But this time, he just couldn’t leave. Although it was technically a hoax, they were on a date and he had some responsibility to make her feel better.

He scooched toward her and gently placed an arm around her. “Um, there there?”

His modicum of affection was immediately answered with Trixie turning herself and burrowing herself into him, tears and all. She wrapped her hooves around him, head nuzzled into his shoulder and she let the tears fly with no remorse.

Spike still wasn’t sure what to do, so he figured he’d take a page from How to Survive Your First Date: The Guide to Not Screwing Up and wait out the storm until it passed. He wrapped his arms around the broken mare and held her close to him. It wasn’t much, but it at least was something. An A for effort and all.

After a few minutes, Trixie finally calmed down and released herself from the dragon.

“T-Trixie is sorry, Spike… for her outburst.”

Spike waved it off. “Eh, no worries. I’ve seen worse. Until you’ve seen Twilight’s bedhead, you don’t know true horror.”

Trixie chuckled a bit through the remaining tears. “Trixie believes you.”

A brief moment of silence held a place in the air as Trixie finished up her sobbing. It wasn’t awkward this time, however. Instead, it was almost relaxing. Nothing helps the atmosphere than a nice emotional outburst, after all.

“So,” Spike said, finally breaking the static. “You think you’re ready to talk about what’s going on?”

Trixie released a long-winded sigh and nodded. “Trixie is ready.”

“Then shoot. I’m all ears.”

“Trixie… had a realization.” She turned her gaze to the dragon and looked at him in the eyes. “She’s not jealous of Starlight.”

Spike blinked. “Oh? You know, you could’ve saved us some trouble if you realized that, I don’t know,” Spike checked an imaginary watch, “six hours ago.”

The mare deadpanned. “Yes, you are correct. But, Trixie didn’t realize it until, well, a short time ago.”

Spike nodded. “Okay, for the sake of my own sanity, please explain. If you’re not actually jealous of her, then why’d you go through all this trouble in the first place? There has to be some reason or logic behind—” Spike took a moment to reflect on the mare he was talking to. “I’m sure you had some misguided belief that led you to all this.”

“Yes, she did.” Trixie leaned forward and rested her head on the table. “Trixie thought she was jealous. But, in reality, Trixie was… scared.”

Spike nearly fell out his seat. “I’m sorry, did you just admit a flaw? About yourself? That’s it. It’s all over. It’s a sign of the end times. Time to head to the bunkers and hide the foals—” He was quickly shut up by a whack to his head.

“Yes, Trixie admits she was scared. But please, don’t tell anypony. Trixie does still wish to retain some dignity.”

Spike chuckled. “Dignity? You? You’re not exactly rolling in i—” It was at this moment Spike remembered that being smacked hurt and decided to reevaluate his choice of words. “Of course, I won’t tell anypony. What were you afraid of?”

The blue mare looked at him. “Trixie doesn't have many friends. Starlight is, well, she’s one of my only friends. My best friend. So, the idea of her being with another pony, especially a boyfriend… Trixie feels replaced. Like, Trixie won’t be her closest friend anymore. That’s frightening, to say the least.”

Spike nodded. “I get that.”

“And it took so long for Trixie to find a best friend like Starlight,” she continued. “And… I don’t know if I can ever find another one. I thought, maybe finding my own boyfriend would show her that I could find a new friend to replace her… just as easily as she replaced me.”

Spike couldn’t believe his ears… or his heart. He actually felt sorry for her.

“Trixie, if I may ask, what exactly led you to this sudden conclusion? You were kinda hellbent on showing her up until we left the restaurant.”

Her face immediately heated up. “Trixie… would rather not say.”

“C’mon, we’re being honest here, right? Like I said… I won’t tell anypony. You have my word.”

She shook her head. “It’s not just anypony that I’m worried about telling. It’s anydragon, too.”

A few sparks bounced from Spike’s cranium. “Okay, now you’ve lost me.”

“Ugh, it was you!” Trixie swung around to face him. “It was the kiss we had. It… was enjoyable. It… captured Trixie’s heart.”

Spike, for once in his snarky, adult life… was speechless. “Umm… what?”

Trixie’s face continued to heat up. “The kiss was… quite enjoyable to Trixie. It made her… quite happy. And when Trixie realized how it made her feel, she realized she’d never want to deny her best friend that feeling. Starlight deserves to feel that way. Trixie’s selfishness shouldn’t get in the way of that.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Spike waved his claws. “You’re telling me that when I kissed you, it actually made you change your entire way of thinking?”

Trixie simply nodded, attempting to hide her gaze behind her mane.

Spike began wearing his own blush at this point. “Well, I’m not sure if I should feel flattered or terrified. I guess it must be true love, huh?” He punctuated his comment with a slight chuckle, only to receive a heartbreaking look from his date. “Okay, okay, bad time for jokes. But! I am glad you told me.”

A slight smile began to form on her lips. “Really?”

“Mhm,” Spike said with a nod. “I suppose it’s only fair I let you in on a little secret.”

Trixie gave him a curious look. “Okay. What would that be?”

“I, maybe kinda sorta,” Spike took a deep breath and watched his own dignity fly down the toilet, “liked the kiss, too.”

And now both of their faces were bright red.

Spike composed himself and continued. “Sure, it was all pretend and you were paying me to play along, but kissing you… was kinda nice. I can’t really explain it without sounding like a weird, dollar store greeting card, so I won’t even try. Point is, I felt the same as you, so don’t feel weird about it.”

Trixie laughed. “I don’t think it’s possible not to feel weird about this.”

Spike grinned. “No joke. This is one weird situation to lead to a first date. But hey, sometimes that’s just how it goes, right? Or at least that’s what all those cheesy romance novels taught me.”

And now they both broke out into a fit of laughter. The awkwardness and malice of the night was all in the past and instead they were actually enjoying each other’s company for the first time.

As they finally settled down, Spike stood up from his seat, followed soon after by Trixie.

“So, now that we’ve officially poured our hearts out and thoroughly searched the black holes that somehow count as our souls, I think there’s only one thing left to do.”

“What’s that? Please, don’t make me confess to Starlight. Trixie refuses.”

Spike shook his head. “Don’t worry. I don’t think Equestria is ready for you to be that humble. But, I do think we need to get some closure.”

Trixie rubbed her chin. “What’s your proposition for such a task?”

“We tell Starlight and Poptart that we’re happy for them. And then we make up some crazy story about why we had to break up so things can go back to normal and we can hate each other like old times. I’ll even pretend to be the bad guy if you want.”

Trixie chuckled. “Good plan. But, Trixie does have one request in regards to this.”

“Which is?”

“Perhaps… perhaps we can pretend to be together a little bit longer. Just a few days, or a week or three. Just to make sure Starlight believes I was telling the truth.”

Spike eyed her for a moment before giving her a quick wink. “Fair enough. But don’t expect me to pay every time we go out.”

“Agreed. Trixie does have some pride left.”

The two began their slow walk back toward the train station. However, it was briefly interrupted by Trixie hopping in front of Spike.

“Spike? Trixie has just one more request.”

“Oh boy, here we go. Let’s hear it.”

She nervously bit her lip and looked up at him. “Kiss me… please?”

Spike attempted to find some sort of mockery in her eyes, but there was none to be found; only sincerity.

“Huh. Honesty and kindness is a good look for you. Might I suggest you wear it more often?”

She pouted ever so slightly. “Please? I’ll even throw in a few extra bits like we talked about at the—”

She was shut up by a soft kiss. Spike’s lips met with hers, this time with much less aggression and much more emotion. It lasted only for a moment before he separated.

“Keep your bits. I doubt you had enough, anyway.”

Trixie chuckled ever so slightly, still caught up in the haze of the kiss.

“Besides, I only do things I wanna do, not things I have to do. I’m kinda selfish like that.”

He reached out a claw and gently took Trixie’s hoof in it, and they trekked their way back to the train station. It was a long day, and they had a long trip ahead of them back home, but for once, at least a few things made sense.

Well, as much sense as such a weird first date could make.