“Hey, Ivan, you didn’t get hurt anywhere else?” Scootaloo asked as Ivan reclined in his hospital bed. He shook his head no.

“Huh. How are we gonna get our first aid cutie marks now?” Applebloom wondered, ignoring Tiara and Silver groaning in the corner at the mention of pretty much the only thing they talked about. Sweetie Belle shrugged.

“I bet if we wait a little while, he’ll get hurt again on his own. He isn’t very lucky.” She pursed her lips as the obvious thought came to mind. “…neither are we…”

“We could just practice on him anyway.” Scootaloo said. “Where does Nurse Redheart keep the bandages?”

“Hey, am I still allowed to play too?” Dinky asked, fidgeting with the bedsheets. The poor thing looked worried, Ivan noted.

“Well yeah. Why wouldn’t you be?” Applebloom answered as she checked in a nearby cupboard.

“Because I have my cutie mark.” Said Dinky. The other three crusaders whipped their heads around, but were too stunned to really say anything. Why hadn’t they noticed sooner?

Ivan leaned forward, setting his hat on the grey filly’s head with his horn.

“Let’s see.” He said, smiling.

The little unicorn giggled and leapt onto the bed, turning to the side to display a standing archery target with an arrow in the bullseye.

Ivan made a show of inspecting it, stroking his chin with a hoof. “Meaning?” he asked, genuinely curious as to how she could’ve got such a thing. Given she was blank the last time he saw her, the only time she could’ve gotten it was during the ogre incident.

“I was aiming the weapons on the Megapony. And every time I did, I hit the ogre wherever I meant to. Even though he was moving! I didn’t notice I had it until I got the suit off.” She paused. “I don’t think mommy knows I got it.”

“…so your special talent is improbable aiming skills?” Salad said from her chair, setting down her book. “Why is everypony getting cooler talents then me? I’d kill for that one. I’d kill with that one.”

“Well what’s your talent?” Scootaloo asked.

“Cooking.”

“What’s wrong with cooking?” Silver Spoon asked, actually looking a little hurt. “That’s my talent.”

“…well… it’s a good talent to have and all, but… well come on, ninty-five base accuracy is a pretty cool talent no matter what way you slice it.”

“I guess so…”

“Hey, now that you mention it, what’s a rich little thing like you doing with cooking?” Salad tried changing the subject, not really wanting to upset the filly any further. Besides the guilt she didn’t want to admit to having, Ivan’s eyebrow raised at her was something she wanted stopped. It reminded her so much of their mother’s that she was actually getting a little creeped out.

“My daddy owns a chain of restaurants. One day he brought me to work to show me what he did and I bugged one of the ponies in the kitchen a bunch until she went on break early. The orders kept coming in, so I tried making them. The reference guide was right there and stuff so…”

She turned to the side to display her namesake cutie mark.

“I remember one of the things the cook used was a shiny little spoon for measuring things like sauce and stuff. I liked using it because… well, it was my name, right?”

“Ah guess that makes sense…” Applebloom said. “Scootaloo’s always zippin’ around on that scooter o’ hers…”

“Yeah, and you just can’t get enough apples.”

“It mah family’s legacy!”

“So yeah.” Silver said, “I wasn’t as good as the other mare, so Daddy came back to see what the holdup was and saw me working that mare’s station. And somewhere in there I had gotten my cutie mark…” She smiled, a small embarrassed one as she traced a design on the pillow she sat on with her hoof.

“Daddy picked me up on his back and paraded me around the tables saying how proud of me he was. Then one pony said ‘yeah that’s great but I’m still hungry!’, so Daddy took me back into the kitchen and after he fired that other mare for just up and leaving for not telling anypony, we worked the rest of her shift together. He even gave me extra allowance, cause he said I worked so hard.”

“How much?” Sweetie Belle asked, having plopped herself down on Ivan’s bed to listen.

“Fifty bits!” Ivan remembered when he was that young. Fifty bits all at once probably felt like she had just won the lottery. He imagined it was the pay that one mare would’ve received for the hours Silver worked.

“What’d you buy with it all?” Dinky asked.

“Well, I… actually still have it all.”

“…Ya’ve got fifty bits, just… there?” Applebloom asked in disbelief.

“She’s got more then that.” Tiara said, rolling her eyes. “Silver never spends money on anything.”

“Well I might need it later!” Silver said, sticking out her tongue. “Daddy always says if you put money away, you’ll be safe when you really need it.”

“If I told you jumping off a bridge was the safe option, you’d do a flip on the way down.” Tiara deadpanned.

“I like this one.” Salad said, failing to repress laughter. “She talks my language.”

“Funny, I didn’t know I could speak chicken.” Tiara said, smirking. Salad stopped laughing.

“Huh. So that’s why I hate kids.”

“If ya hate us so much.” Applebloom said, “Ya wouldn’t have been so scared for us when we were in the Megapony.”

“Pfft. Who said I was worried?”

“Cheerilee.” Applebloom replied, mirroring Tiara’s smirk. Really, any filly who wasn’t Dinky was smirking at her like they had just put her king in checkmate.

Ivan mimed wiping a tear away from his eye. “So proud.” Salad nearly laughed again. His face was as straight as ever when he did that.

“One day Bro. I’ll do to you what I did to Jerryrig.”

“Then we’ll do what we did to you the last time you hit him.” Sweetie Belle said.

“…I’m outnumbered. Stop hiding behind fillies and fight me like a stallion.” Salad pointed with her hoof, but Ivan could tell she wasn’t really mad.

“Mending.” Ivan said. “Unfair.”

“Well now you know how I feel.”

“Attack.” Ivan ordered, waving his hoof.

“Blah blah temporary truce take the jerk down!” Scootaloo yelled, pouncing first.

--

When Cheerilee walked into the room with Ditzy, she expected many things. She did not expect to see Salad hog-tied on the ground while six fillies all gave eachother high hooves.

She expected even less to see Ivan leaning back in bed, hooves steepled like some kind of evil genius.

“Ivan, did you order the fillies to attack my newest meal ticket?” She meant that literally. Salad cooked better then her mediocre skills could ever hope to.

“Minions.” He replied. “Powerful. Feels good.”

“Dinky!” Ditzy said. “Were you good while I was gone?”

“Don’t you ignore me.” Salad warned. “Once I get to my wingblade, everypony in this room is dead.”

“You wouldn’t kill a filly with glasses, would you?” Silver asked.

“I’ll kill you last.” Salad growled. “I’ll do it with a spoon. It’ll be ironic and stuff.”

“So anyway.” Cheerilee said, turning back to Ivan. “Twilight gave me this for you while you’re stuck in bed.”

She fished a notebook out of her bag, and tossed it over. Flipping through a few pages, it appeared to Ivan that it was notes on spells that she was planning on trying with him later.

‘Read up on them now and we’ll be able to try more efficiently once you can cast again!’ was written at the top of the first page.

“What is it?” Cheerilee asked.

“Homework.”

“I should be more surprised then this. So Big Mac sent along a bottle of cider. He said he’ll stop in later once work’s done.”

“Good.” Ivan said, accepting the bottle and setting it aside.

“Dinky! You got your cutie mark!” Ditzy cried, holding Dinky up and flapping around the room excitedly. “Mommy’s so proud of you, we’re gonna go to Sugar Cube Corner and get whatever you wa-“ She tripped over one of the bedposts, dropping a giggling Dinky on the mattress before going sprawling through the window, shattering it.

“Suddenly I feel better about my life.” Salad snarked, now notably untied and back in her chair.

“…how did you get out?” Tiara asked.

“I’ll put it to you this way.” She said. “There’s a reason none of you have knots on your flanks.”

“…Ah’m gonna ask A.J. about some good knots later.” Applebloom said. “Next time yer goin’ down.”

“Sure, go ahead. Do that.” Applebloom would later swear the way Salad grinned at her made her feel like she was the pegasus’ next meal. “See what happens.”

“Speaking of Applejack.” Cheerilee said, hoping to stop the throw down before it happened, “She said that you should come back for lunch. The other crusaders are invited too. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon as well.”

“They are?”

“Kid.” Salad said, “All six of you together piloted a giant robot and beat the sunlight out of a freaking ogre. That’s what dreams are made of.”

“…Temporary truce for lunch at the farm?” Sweetie Belle suggested. Tiara thought it over, and shrugged.

Salad was kind of right. Besides that scare at the end, as Applebloom put it, they lived the dream.

That was at least worth lunch. And maybe planning a prank on Salad. Or Jerryrig.

Either way, while Applebloom was grumbling about the choice being made for her, she wasn’t putting up much of a fight.

“Mommy!” Dinky called out the broken window. “I’m going to Applebloom’s!”

“Be good!” Ditzy called back from somewhere unseen.

“I will!” The fillies filed out, leaving two mares and a bed ridden stallion in the room.

“…So that kid officially has a better cutie mark story then you do bro.” Salad said. “I can’t believe that was topped so fast.”

“She really got it during that fiasco yesterday?” Cheerilee asked.

“Yeah. You’ll probably hear all about it in class at some point.” Salad stretched in her seat, “So, how long does Ivan have in that bed?”

“Another day at least.” Cheerilee said. “Nurse Redheart likened it to a muscle that he tore. Only this muscle is kind of a big part of his entire magical circulatory system.”

“So what’s that mean?”

“It means Ivan, being a unicorn, is built a bit differently then you and I.” Cheerilee explained, adopting what Ivan was starting to identify as her ‘teacher’ voice. “Since he can’t take magic from the environment, his body works on it’s own battery, and he almost damaged it permanently. So he needs to take it easy in all things while the ‘muscle’ heals.”

“Huh. So bro’s a weak little foal right now?”

“Essentially.” Cheerilee said, ignoring how the words might’ve wounded the stallion’s pride. “The day he got the cast taken off, his mended leg was weak from misuse and he couldn’t put as much weight on it as he normally could. Now pretty much his whole body is like that.”

“So it’ll be a while before he’s back at a hundred?”

“Not as long as the leg took, thankfully. A day for his body to heal, maybe another for the magic to settle and he can cast properly.” Cheerilee settled into a chair next to Ivan’s bedside.

“So I couldn’t help but notice the plaque on the door with bro’s name on it.” Salad said. Cheerilee repressed laughter.

“Well, considering that Ivan’s been through here a few times already, has combat as his special talent, and a regular sparring partner in a lamia, Redheart decided ‘Reserved For Ivan Hooves’ was necessary for at least one of these rooms.”

“Probably doesn’t surprise her much. She’s already got 'Rainbow Dash' on one of the other doors. Who’s that pony?”

“You live here, and you’re probably going to have regular contact with a bunch of fillies who idolise her. You’ll know all about her soon.”

“…Something about the way you said that. I don’t like it.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Cheerilee said. Salad shrugged and got to her hooves.

“Welp. I’m outta here. Gonna take a nap back at the house. Fillies can’t try to prank me there. Bye.”

It was only after Salad left that Ivan realised Dinky left still wearing his hat. He sighed.

“What’s wrong now?” Cheerilee asked. Ivan felt the bed dip a bit under her weight, and he leaned into her when she shuffled to his side.

“Hat.”

“Hm. I suppose I’ll have to get it later.”

“Later?”

“Are you telling me you want me to leave now?”

“Hmmmm…” He tilted his head back as Cheerilee started nuzzling into his throat. “Reason to stay?”

“Give me a bit. I’ll come up with something.”

“Ivan, just checking to mak-…” Nurse Redheart looked up from her clipboard, expression not shifting in the slightest.

“…No sex in the hospital.”

“Oh come on,” the teacher huffed, glaring at the nurse. “You think I’d do that? Really?”

“Wouldn’t?” Ivan asked, sounding almost disapointed. Cheerilee flicked him in the nose.

“Hard to tell at this point. Given that I’ve caught you in the same bed, naked.” Said Redheart.

“When are we not naked?”

“I rest my case. I might also mention there are reasons these rooms don’t lock from the inside. Like ponies visiting their loved ones and having ‘oh my Celestia I’m so glad you’re still alive’ relations in said rooms.”

“…you know, now that you mention it…” Cheerilee said, “…you didn’t seem surprised at all when you walked in here. Or put off. Or anything.”

“I guarantee anything I saw you possibly doing could be topped. I’ve seen things. Things that make me unable to look Mrs. Cake in the face anymore.”

“…I take it that one cupcake accident that put Mr. Cake in the burn ward-“

“Yes, that. I didn’t refuse to tell you. I spared you.”

“…this is awkward.” Said Cheerilee.

“You don’t know awkward until you’ve seen Carrot Top’s-“

“Right, we’re okay, I’m not going to rut him, go away now.”

“Sure. Bye.” Redheart left, shutting the door behind her.

“…make out?” Ivan suggested.

“Not in the mood, sorry. I can’t get the image of Mrs. Cake out of my head now. Ugh.”

“…monosexual?”

“Yeah, I only like stallions. You don’t find that weird, do you?” Ivan shook his head.

“Oh good. So do you just wanna cuddle for a while?”

“Sure.” Cuddling was awesome. He liked cuddling.

The door practically exploded open as Pinkie wheeled in the party cannon, fuse already lit.

“Hey, it’s time for your ‘oh my Celestia I’m so glad you’re still alive’ party!” Ivan groaned as the cannon went off.

--

Ivan walked out of the hospital the next day feeling good as new. Even if he was still missing his hat.

“Good morning.” Greeted Twilight as she approached. “Feeling any better?”

Ivan nodded. He was told to take it easy on the horn, but he was quite capable of casting simple magic. He was considering going through a few of the suggestions on Twilight’s list later.

“So, I was wondering if you’d be able to assist our experiment sometime soon?”

“Entails?” Asked Ivan.

“We’re going to be experimenting with a ley line not too far from here. Really all we need you for is a blast shield in case something goes wrong. Given what you do for ‘practice’ and that hit you got in on that ogre, you’re the best bet we have to mitigate damage.” Seemed fair enough, Ivan thought. Since his magic was still a little unsteady though…

“Tomorrow.”

“Oh that’s good. Cold Fusion should be in Ponyville at about noon, so if you’d be at the library at one? I’ll even treat you to lunch after.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you. We could be about to make history! See you tomorrow!” She said before cantering off, humming a song.

“Well she seemed to be in a good mood. I take it she’s finally getting help with that experiment?” An approaching Cheerilee said, wearing a familiar black hat on her head.

“Tomorrow. One.”

“Ah. Well I got this back for you. Turns out the crusaders took it to Rarity’s.”

“…what.” Depending on the answer he received, he might or might not regret constantly saving their lives.

“See, Dinky wondered why you didn’t have a hole in it for your horn.” She said, obviously finding this more then a little funny. “She thought it’d make it easier to cast, since you wouldn’t have to take it off for the bigger stuff. All it took was for Scootaloo to talk about how much cooler you’d look if you blew things up while still wearing it, and… so I didn’t get to it quite in time, but it’s not that big a loss, is it?”

Ivan took the hat and floated it over for a look. Sure enough, there was a hole precisely the size of his horn.

But if he wore it that way, he wouldn’t be able to lower it over his eyes.

“I don’t think you have anything to hide at this point.” She said. “And I don’t care if you can somehow see through it, it must be easier to see without it in the way.”

Ivan appraised his modified hat, considering it, before putting it on. A bit clumsily, since he had never had to wear something that allowed for horns before, but before long he had it snugly in place.

“It suits you.” She said. “Well it always did. Now it suits you a little better though.”

“Really?”

“Well I might be biased.” She said, giving him a quick nuzzle, “but I like looking at your eyes.”

“…seeing easier.” He said. “…keep.” And that was the only reason he was keeping it. That was his story and he was sticking to it.

...he was not whipped.

“Oh good.” She said, smiling as she fell into step at his side. “So, have you eaten at all?”

“No.”

“Well I was thinking we hadn’t had an actual date yet. How about brunch at that place Salad works at?”

“Sure.”

--

Ivan walked into town the next day, getting used to having light in his eyes all the time. It was like he was wearing sunglasses his whole life and now he had to deal with not having them.

The previous day had been both relaxing and enjoyable. Most of it spent with Cheerilee was nice to be sure, but he also had a couple new spells under his belt. Since his father was about to find out his location, there really wasn’t much point in avoiding the local warder office.

Considering his talent and current reputation, a larger repertoire of magic would probably be the only thing he needed to get into basic training. Going by the trouble he had to deal with on a regular basis, there was probably a large calling for combat specialists.

While the promise of good pay was enticing, there was also something surreal about his colthood dream that wouldn’t stop tempting him.

He wondered what Cheerilee and the crusaders would think if he walked back into town with a warder’s bracer on his foreleg.

Setting the daydream of cheering children and a swooning teacher aside, he knocked on the library door.

Twilight had just been finishing her preparations, and Cold Fusion had just been finishing his cup of tea. Spike wished them luck and they started off.

“The crusaders stopped by earlier.” Twilight said. “They said they wanted to come along. They only wanted it more when I told them it would be dangerous. They think you’re invincible Ivan.” Ivan tried not to feel flattered. It probably explained why they took risks when he was around.

“Destination?” He asked.

“A bit of a walk, but not too far. Do you remember where the Megapony is?” Ivan nodded.

“Erm… Megapony?” Fusion asked, eyebrow firmly raised.

“I’ll explain on the way. Suffice to day, the nearest ley line is there.”

“I don’t recall any ‘Megapony’, the last time we studied there.”

“It’s more of a recent development. See, there was this ogre coming this way and…”

Ivan had heard this story before from the crusaders, and later on an unbiased and more intelligible story from Cheerilee, so his attention faded.

His mind turned to Jerryrig, wondering just how bad Salad had hurt him. She probably didn’t break him too much, he thought, though he had heard mention of spiked horseshoes and thanked his lucky stars she hadn’t been wearing those when they met up.

He wondered if he should feel sorry for the tinker, before remembering that he had apparently tricked the crusaders into firing him out of a cannon.

Honestly, when was that ever a good idea?

“Goodness, he toppled it?”

“Soon after that he helped lower the robot, but considering it’s size and how little he had left, it was why he spent the last couple days in the hospital.”

“I see now why you suggested him for the shielding.” Fusion said. “Such strength…”

“Ivan was close at hand, reasonably powerful, and skilled at repression of intense force.” Twilight said. “Very convenient.”

“Indeed it is. Even if his magical potential is so low, I’m quite impressed… ah, is that this Megapony you mentioned?”

“That’s it.” Twilight said, gesturing to the large robot. “It fell right next to the ley line.”

“Well then. Shall we?”

--

Ivan rested under a tree as the two started making preparations he didn’t understand. Even so, he paid attention. Whatever spells the two were casting were coaxing something from deep within the earth to the surface. Something that intimidated him.

As it rose, he felt pure power thrumming like the beat of a heart. He only had a rudimentary understanding of what ley lines were, but he was now starting to wish he had asked more questions. He didn’t know if he could stand up to force like this if it turned itself on them.

“Ivan, we’re ready for you.” Twilight said, beckoning him.

She instructed him to put a wall between them and the now glowing patch of the ground they had created. The most powerful he could manage. And he did so, wondering what the other two unicorns were made of to have composure like they did.

Of course, composure was used loosely to describe them. While Ivan was resisting the urge to call the whole thing off and go home, Twilight seemed to be resisting the urge to dance and sing like Pinkie Pie at a cupcake convention.

Cold Fusion seemed to have the most ‘composure’ out of all of them. He radiated calm, and from what Ivan could read of his expression, he was immensely satisfied. He supposed that mention of Fusion’s dreams being fulfilled from the other day really meant something.

It was almost like the blue unicorn was standing over the edge of a cliff, about to take the plunge into something incredible.

“We’re only probing today.” Twilight said. “Just to get to know what we’re dealing with. The risk is low, but keep those shields steady.”

Ivan grunted his affirmative, and braced himself as they began. He thought he heard something rustle in the tree he had been resting under, but he paid it no mind. There were more important things to worry about.

The white light pulsed silently, but now that it was being tapped, he could feel it stronger then ever. Like the heavy bass of a subhoofer at Pinkie’s last party.

Blessed uneventful minutes passed before Twilight spoke up.

“It’s…” she said, disbelief heavy in her tone “It’s beautiful…”

“And it’s mine.” Fusion said, before his horn glowed brighter and the light blinded them both.

“What are you doing?!” Twilight yelled. “This-“

“This is my dream.” He said. There was no noise, but they could feel the planet roar. “Power to rival the alicorn. Power to make the world mine.”

The light faded, and Cold Fusion stood there, the air around him seeming to bend and ripple.

“I am now a part of the ley line.” He said. “The planet’s power flows through me. It is now mine.”

He turned to the stunned unicorns, expressionless. His eyes were as black as the darkest void.

“I will undoubtedly meet resistance on my march to Canterlot. You will unfortunately be the first to die. Ivan Hooves, the local hero, you will be an example. And Twilight Sparkle, Scion of Magic, pride of Celestia herself, you will be a threat. I will not be overcome.” Before either of them had time to react, black shackles had appeared and secured them both to the ground.

“Whether or not you plan to defy the new god, this is necessary. I will mercifully-“

Neither of them had any idea what he planned on doing mercifully as an orange blur shot out of nowhere and dropkicked Fusion in the side of the head.

“Ivan, are you alright?! Did he hurt you at-“ Scootaloo was abruptly bound around the neck, and by the sound of her choking, it was rapidly tightening. She floated in place by her throat.

“I suppose the body of a foal will also send a message. None who refuse to follow me will survi-“ All Fusion knew at that moment was the blinding green light and shriek of advancing magic.

He was blown backwards through several trees.

A coughing Scootaloo was caught by Ivan, and thrust to Twilight’s back.

“Take her. Go.”

“Ivan this is no time to be-“

“It is. Get help. Spike.”

“What about you?” Ivan responded by charging into the forest after Fusion.

Twilight only hesitated a moment, as she heard the sounds of falling trees and saw the light of blasting spells.

“He’ll be ok… right?” Scootaloo asked as she caught her breath.

“He’ll be fine.” She answered, before making for Ponyville at the fastest gallop she could manage.

--

Ivan just barely managed to dodge a beam that he wasn’t confident he could block.

He didn’t like the look of the boulder it hit. Especially since there was no trace of it left.

“It really is liberating,” Fusion taunted, strolling through the forest, “Being totally invincible. I didn’t even feel that little sucker-punch of yours!”

Ivan didn’t dare speak back. If Fusion found him, it would only take one shot.

“Did you think you saved that filly? What sort of ruler would I be if I forgave such an assault? She won’t live to receive her cutie mark.”

He was proud of his self control at that moment. Ivan very nearly weighed the risks and blasted him again. As it stood, he’d have to put his boiling rage aside and plan.

Ivan was quite sure that first blast he had hit Fusion with would’ve killed most ponies. The scientist had been completely unprepared and surprised by the attack, and had no real defences active. And if Ivan took the time to wind up something more potent, he’d be found and destroyed. Magical attacks were out.

Scootaloo had been flying faster then she had when she first crashed into Ivan, at a downward angle, and directly collided with his skull backhooves first. He was back up in barely more then a second and strangling her to death. Since he was using magic to do it, he hadn’t even been addled by the strike. Physical attacks were out.

Ivan was outgunned, and underpowered. Beating Fusion was literally impossible at this point.

What options remained?

…he had to run. He had to get back to Ponyville, get his friends, and possibly evacuate the town. He had stalled for long enough.

Now all that he needed was a distraction.

He looked around for a twig to snap or something, but-

Twang! Thud!

“Gah!” Even if Fusion was all powerful and invincible, he was still the average weight of an adult stallion, and was thus knocked on his haunches when he tripped a wire and got hit with a swinging log.

Ivan totally forgave Jerryrig for everything, and stealthily made his way out of the woods.

He took no small pleasure in hearing Fusion encounter trap after trap as he left.

--

Twilight dashed through the streets, out of breath and nearly stumbling every second step. Full gallop from the ley line to her library was not something a researcher/librarian was suited to.

She had sent Scootaloo to go spread the word that there was trouble approaching, just in case Princess Celestia was delayed in sending help.

Since she hadn’t seen mass destruction yet, she could only assume that Ivan was still alive and keeping Fusion busy.

Aside from the whole ‘planet powered demi-god’ thing, everything was going fantastic!

“Spiiiiiike!” She yelled, bursting into the library. “Spike I need your help right now!”

…silence.

Curses. She forgot that Spike had a social life.

“Spiiiiiiiiiiike!”

--

Fusion roared in frustration, unmaking the tennis ball launcher that had appeared out of nowhere.

He was beginning to doubt Ivan was even still here. There was the option of just destroying the whole forest, but that would remove the satisfaction of wringing the stallion’s neck himself. A pleasure that he wanted now more then anything.

Except the whole world domination.

Really, that just left the whole issue of what to do to smoke him out. There were no innocents in the area to threaten, no…

His eyes fell on the Megapony.

“…powered by magic, she said…” He mused.

He had magic to spare.

--

Jerryrig suddenly found himself the possessor of everything he ever wanted. He had money, fame, stallions and mares lining up down the block for his favor.

And there, waiting on his bed, was Ivan’s sister wearing the laciest saddle he had ever set eyes on.

“Oh professor, I can’t thank you enough for this bionic wing you made me.” She cooed, fluttering the mechanical wonder behind her. It was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

“But that won’t stop me from trying…” it was now the second hottest thing he had ever seen as those half-lidded grey eyes-

Bam bam bam bam!

“Ragamerfle?!” He said as his dream faded away. Upon retrospect, even he didn’t know what he was trying to say there.

The door opened to reveal six familiar fillies.

“Professor Jerryrig! Equestria needs you!” Applebloom declared.

Considering this was how his interrupted dream started, he leapt out of his hospital bed, ignored the pain, and saluted.

“Reporting for duty!”

--

He soon found himself jammed in a wagon with five fillies attached to a scooter driven by Scootaloo tearing down a country road unusually fast for the load it was pulling.

“Can’t you make this thing go any faster?!” Tiara demanded, pushing Dinky’s back hoof out of her nose.

“Maybe if you jump out!”

“Children please, you haven’t even told me was the problem is!” Jerryrig cried.

“Well,” began Scootaloo, “…when Ivan went to go help that one scientist guy and Twilight unlock elder magicks to improve the world and harness the power of the planet’s nexus, that Cold Fusion guy-“

“Cold Fusion?!” Jerryrig yelled. “That crack-pot?!”

“…you, are calling him-“ Silver was cut off as Jerryrig started ranting.

“Stole my research grant with his ‘ley lines’ and ‘graduated at the top of the class’ and his ‘perfectly sculpted facial hair’-

“You know, I don’t know why we didn’t see it sooner.” Sweetie Belle said. “I mean, he had a goatee. Of course he’s evil!”

“-and his ‘thought out plans’ and his ‘team of researchers’ and his ‘theories’… Did he ever design a giant robot?! Did he?!”

“That’s nothing.” Scootaloo said, turning back. “I saw his eyes after he got all that power.”

“Were they black?” Dinky asked.

“Blacker then the darkest void.”

The other five fillies all ‘ooooooooh’d’. You couldn’t get much more evil then that.

“He’s evil! Well who’s laughing now, hm?! Who’s crazy now?! Who’s mad now?!”

“…oh my Celestia.” Silver whispered as she looked down the road.

“What, what’s more important then how disappointed my mother-…”

Off in the distance, black clouds swirling overhead, was the Megapony slowly marching toward Ponyville. And atop the head, riding it, was Cold Fusion.

“…Right then!” Jerryrig said. “Now that I know we’re dealing with the return of the most threatening thing since Nightmare Moon, I say we all go back to my place, put our heads between our knees, and calmly wait for the end, shall we?”

“No!” Scootaloo said. “If he’s out here, he did something to Ivan!”

“What?” asked Jerryrig. “What do you mean?”

“Ivan told me and Twilight to run, and then ran in after Fusion to fight him. And now…”

“…Ivan’s… dead?” Dinky asked, eyes starting to tear up.

“Pfft, no.” Tiara said. “Maybe some ponies here didn’t see him fight, but me and Silver had front row seats to him kicking a lamia’s tail.”

“He lost that fight.” Sweetie Belle said. “So-“

“And now, he’s got four legs!” she continued as if Sweetie Belle hadn’t spoken. “And we’re in trouble now. Lots of trouble.” She pointed a hoof at the Megapony.

“If that Fusion guy is driving the Megapony all by himself, then we’re in big trouble. So Ivan’s not dead. He wouldn’t die when we’re in trouble.”

“He cares that much?” Jerryrig whispered, looking like he was moved to tears.

“Well not about you." Jerryrig visibly deflated. "But the rest of us, sure.” Silver continued. “So while Ivan’s off doing Ivan things, what’s our plan?”

“Yeah, Applebloom just said we needed to get this guy.” Sweetie said. “Was your plan the Megapony? Because that’s kind of not happening.”

“Scootaloo said we needed to tell everypony and evacuate the town! So I remembered when I met this guy and heard he’s got a bus that’s huge!”

“How big?”

“Well," the tinker said, "Pinkie asked me to make a ‘party mobile’, big enough for everypony in town, so-“

“Big enough! Let’s go get it!” Scootaloo shouted, speeding up.

--

“…ya weren’t kiddin’.” Applebloom said, looking at what would henceforth be called the Superbus.

“Well, let’s get in there! We’ve got a town to save!” Said Sweetie.

“…Ah, I forgot to mention…” Jerryrig said. “It isn’t exactly ready to go.”

“…what.” Tiara said, narrowing her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell us sooner?!”

“Well to be honest, I was afraid if I did, you would turn back to Ponyville and put me in direct line of fire with the giant robot riding god of destruction.”

“…Well what’s wrong with it?” Silver asked, looking the bus over. “I don’t know much about this stuff, but it looks fine to me.”

“I had to take several parts of the engine in order to finish the consoles and the energy transfer machine for the Megapony.”

“…wouldn’t engine parts not work on either of those things?”

“Hey, who’s the supergenius here?”

“Fine, whatever, you’ve got all sorts of things lying around upstairs.” Scootaloo said. “You’ve got the parts to fix this, right?”

“Well yes, but the engine is rather large and I’m somewhat injured at the moment so I would move slowly and it would hurt an-“

“Fine whatever. I’ll do it.” The pegasus said.

“…you will?”

“I’ve got wings, so I can reach even the far back. And I’m getting good at flying, so I’m probably faster then any of you at this job.”

“…It could work… come here, I’ve got the blueprints handy. I’ll need you girls to find parts that look like these… Oh, and Dinky, if you could be a dear and get my toolchest…”

--

“Spiiiiiiiiiiike?!” Twilight called for the umpteenth time.

She was quite sure she had checked the entire town for the little dragon, but he seemed to be nowhere a-

…She then realised that she had yet to check the boutique.

Stupid stupid stupid-

“Oh no! It’s Godzebra!” Twilight whipped around as loud screaming started to see the looming shape of a giant robotic pony slowly advancing on the town. The entire sky was covered with dark stormclouds, rumbling with thunder.

Cold Fusion was on it’s head. Oh Celestia they were doomed.

“…why do things keep getting worse?!”

“Attention Ponyville!” Twilight whipped around again to see a stupidly huge pink bus parked at the other side of town. Upon closer inspection, it had no roof.

She recognized Diamond Tiara sticking out of the top with a megaphone in hoof.

“Come with me if you want to live!”

It was a compelling argument, and soon all of Ponyville was flocking toward the bus.

--

“Are they all on?” Scootaloo asked from the driver’s seat.

“Nopony else is getting on, or yelling for others to hurry up... So yeah, floor it!” Silver replied. Scootaloo happily complied, jamming her little hoof down on a block of wood strapped to the gas pedal.

--

From the Megapony’s head, he could see the vehicle start driving off. He was quite sure it was large enough to accommodate the entire town.

From the way those ponies made for it, he was quite sure they were all on that bus.

He had planned to slowly march on the town and stand over it, demanding their obedience. However, disabling the vehicle before the demand would be better. Destroying their hopes for escape beforehand.

He smiled as the robot’s horn began to charge.

--

Scootaloo could see the horn start to glow in the rear view mirror, and swerved to avoid what she knew was coming.

And as she narrowly avoided the deadly lightning, she couldn’t help but love this bus.

She remembered working on the engine like it was still happening, remembered seeing how the parts fit together, having their purposes explained, feeling the tools in her hoof that she thought were more Applebloom’s thing…

And now that she was behind the wheel of this beast, it was quite possibly the greatest feeling ever knowing that she was responsible for making it run.

It felt like something that she was born to do.

Her flank sparked briefly, but went unnoticed.

--

Ivan finally got to Ponyville, having had to remain under cover, and noticed the Megapony had arrived first.

He also noticed it was chasing a giant pink topless bus.

“…Pinkie?” He wondered.

“What can I do ya for?”

“Gah!” He yelped, jumping clear into a tree.

“…Huh. I thought only I could do that.”

Ivan took a moment to catch his breath, let go of the branch he was wrapped around, and approached the pastry chef.

“Here. Why?”

“Oh, because I had a batch of cupcakes still in the oven when the robot attacked!”

He could think of no way to respond to that.

“Want one?” She asked, holding up a pink frosted cupcake.

Ivan took it, muttered his thanks, and munched it idly as he considered the Megapony and what to do about it.

Honestly he was wondering why the villain didn’t just blast the bus with his own power and be done with it.

…so he probably wanted them alive. Probably wanted to do something overdramatic, threaten them and demand followers. Probably treating the Megapony like his roaming throne or something.

It was a testament to legendary magical strength that he was moving it on his power alone.

…come to think of it, he probably wouldn’t harm the Megapony in that case. So if Ivan were to challenge him again on top of it, he’d use magic that Ivan would have a chance of surviving. Or else he’d risk damaging the machine.

Ivan could really try and take out one of the Megapony’s legs, but that probably wouldn’t accomplish anything. He’d just blast Ivan and then blast the bus once he didn’t have his giant robot anymore.

…so he had to get on top of the pony somehow, and keep him busy until help arrived. The back was huge and open, plenty of space to dodge and manoeuvre.

And Ivan didn’t have to worry about pulling punches.

…he’d hate himself for this later. The irony alone…

“Pinkie.”

“Yeppers?”

“Get cannon.”

--

“Well they’re panicking.” Diamond said as Ponyville screamed in terror.

“Can’t ya do somethin’?” Applebloom asked.

“Oh, right, I’ll just turn on my magic megaphone and order them not to panic.”

“…Yeah, yer right.”

“I’ve got a plan.” Sweetie Belle said.

“Oh this should be good.” Tiara said.

“Look, Pinkie’s got a bunch of stuff stashed in the back, right?”

“Yeah, this place is fully decked out for a party.” Silver said. “If Jerryrig didn’t take apart the engine like that, she probably would’ve driven it through town earlier.”

“Applebloom.” Sweetie said.

“Yeah?”

“I need a stage. The biggest and most awesome one you can build.”

“…Alright. Ah’ll trust ya on this. Diamond, Silver, Dinky, let’s go.”

“Who made you-“

“It’s yer turn to listen to me.” Applebloom said. “She’s askin’ us to build somethin’ and you don’t know hay about buildin’.”

“…fine. Let’s just get this over with.”

Oddly enough, the screaming crowd didn’t notice the fillies wading through them and grabbing supplies from the back.

They also didn’t notice the rapid construction that was taking place near the front.

Applebloom worked as fast as she could, directing her temporary helpers as Sweetie went into the back to do something they still could only guess at.

As she hammered nails though, she couldn’t help but have a bit of fun at it. Even if death was shooting magical planet charged lightning at them several yards behind them, she was asked to get creative and build the best stage ever.

She remembered a book she had checked out of Twilight’s library behind her sister’s back (she made Spike swear not to tell) about the kind of stage she had always wanted to build for a show. Strangely, Pinkie Pie had stashed everything she needed in the bus’ considerable storage space.

She watched her creation come together and felt something welling up inside her as she anticipated it coming to glorious use.

It felt like something she was born to do.

Her flank sparked briefly, but went unnoticed.

--

“Are you sure about this Ivan?”

“Yes.”

“Because I remember what put you in the hospital in the first place, and I think you’d have a thing about cannons by now.”

“Do it.”

“I’m sure if we sit down and have a few more cupcakes we coul- oh!” Ivan had shot a plume of fire out of his horn and lit the fuse himself, tired of waiting. They needed to act now.

So Pinkie tried to aim properly while she had the chance, and Ivan put a shield around his head to protect his ears.

And then he was flying.

By sheer coincidence, lighting had fired from the horn at the same time the cannon fired, so Ivan’s flight went unnoticed.

And he was spot on. Ivan smirked as he charged his horn.

--

All Cold Fusion knew at the point between one moment and another was that he was suddenly flattened by incredible force from above him.

He turned his head to notice a large, flat, green magic shield pressing him into the metal of the Megapony’s head.

And standing on top of it was Ivan.

“Ah, you.” A shockwave blew Ivan backwards, and he hit the floor and rolled onto his hooves.

“Interrupting?”

“You were, in fact.” He said, staring the green pony down. “Is that any way to treat your new king?”

“Proper. Foal killer.” Ivan said, voice practically dripping acid as his horn started bleeding magic in anticipation.

“By Celes-… well, by Me, you’ve barely been here two months. How could you possibly be that attached? She isn’t even yours.”

“Wouldn’t understand.”

“Ah, I’ve seen this before.” Fusion said, “Of course I imagine anypony who’s been in a movie theater has as well. Are you about to spout cliches like some poorly written action hero?” he droned, turning his back to watch the bus below dodge his lightning strikes.

“Hypocrite.” Ivan chuckled. “World domination.”

“Of course!” He shouted, turning back. “If only Celestia had put her power to use, we could have the entire world in our hooves! Instead she sits on her throne, content. I will show her what she could’ve achieved! What she was too weak to become!”

“Cliché.” Ivan stated.

“You dare?”

“I’m happy for the first time in ten years.” Ivan answered, pawing at the Megapony’s back, shield and halberd flashing into existence at his sides. “I dare.”

“Is it worth dying for?”

“It’s worth living for.” The halberd leveled itself at the scientist. The challenge was made.

“…Fine. I’ll play your game.” A black sword appeared as the pony charged. “Earn your happy ending if you think you can!”

--

“I say, Rarity! What a coincidence!” Fancy Pants said, as he pushed through the crowd to the other unicorn. “Do you have any idea where that stage came from?”

Rarity turned to see something she’d expect to see at some form of rock concert. She also didn’t have any idea how it had come to be. The bus had grown quiet for the most part, most of the populace trying to figure out what it was for.

“I’m afraid I’m as in the dark as you are. What are you doing here, by the way? If you don’t mind my asking?”

“Well, I had come to visit my niece Diamond Tiara, actually. Do you know of her?”

“Oh my, yes. Her and my sister have been spending a lot of time together lately!”

“Ah, your sister, I believe you mentioned her at some point.” He said. “…is that her there?” Fancy pointed.

Sure enough, Rarity saw Sweetie Belle carrying an electric guitar onto the stage. It was probably hooked up to the large speakers on either side.

“Do you think she means to put on a show? Whatever she’ll do would be a welcome distraction from our impending death and all that.”

“I think she does!” Rarity said delightedly as she saw Sweetie start tuning the guitar.

The filly tapped the microphone, checking if it was on.

“Um… hello? Ponyville?” She said timidly, awkwardly balancing the guitar in her hooves. “My name is Sweetie Belle…”

“Ooh! Ooh! Sweetie!” Rarity called. “Play Twinkle Twinkle Li-“

“And I’m here to kick you in the bucking face!” She ripped her hoof through the strings, and raised it to the sky as the note echoed through everypony there.

Lighting hit the ground just in front of the bus, lighting up the sky behind her as flaming jets ignited on the front of the stage.

Fancy Pants’ monocle popped off of his eye.

Then Sweetie started shredding like Tophat Slasher had found his way onto the bus.

Needless to say, very few ponies didn’t forget about the giant metal pony stomping after them. There was much more interesting metal happening on the stage before their eyes.

--

Ivan discovered two things that were very important as he fought with the monster on the pony with him.

First was that no matter how many times he cut or smashed him, nothing happened. He was as invincible as ever.

Second was that he was cutting and smashing him a lot because Fusion sucked at fighting.

“Grah! Impudence!” Ivan shut him up with a shield bash.

Oh he was quite sure if he wasn’t fast enough, that sword would cut him in two. But he was also pretty sure he’d be alright as long as he was careful.

All he had to do was keep him busy and maybe he’d even get out of this alive!

“…what is that racket?!” Fusion wondered, chancing a glance down at the bus.

“…They’re having a rock concert?!” He shouted in disbelief. Ivan looked too. And if he didn’t know any better…

Oh by Celestia, that was Sweetie Belle down there. And if he squinted, he could see orange and purple at the wheel. Scootaloo?

He was so unbelievably proud right now.

“Do they not notice their new king riding towards them on a giant robot?!”

“No big deal.” Ivan said, smirking.

“I'll destroy you!” Ivan dodged the blast and launched one of his own.

He had no idea why there was a rock concert happening down there, but it was agitating the scientist, so he was all for it.

The battle continued.

--

Sweetie marveled at how effective those secret lessons she took were turning out to be.

Her teacher had said she was good, but these ponies were about to start a riot!

Granted, that had been what she was trying to avoid when she climbed up here, but this would be a good kind of riot.

At some point, other instruments were found, and Rainbow Dash was playing second guitar, letting her keep the lead.

That one griffin from that one time was playing drums. And a few other ponies she didn’t know where filling other roles. One white unicorn with a pair of huge shades was working a turn table… and was that Fluttershy playing organ?

Either way, the music was coming together into something incredible. And she was making these ponies, her neighbors and friends, forget their troubles. Giving them something to enjoy in… well considering the history of Ponyville, this wasn’t their darkest hour really, but it was up there.

She felt their energy, their appreciation, and their joy, and it energized her. Gave her the will to keep playing and inspiring these wonderful feelings. Pride welled up in her chest and she almost cried happy tears.

It felt like something she was born to do.

The crowd cheered as her flank sparked, but she didn’t notice. Her eyes were closed and she was in the middle of a guitar solo.

--

Twilight thought the concert was amazing, really she did, but she had more important things to take care of. Like finding her number one assistant.

She spied Rarity fainted on her fainting couch, and figured if she was here, the dragon was closeby.

…Ah, there he was.

“Woooo! Go Sweetie Bel-ak”

“Spike.” Twilight growled, hooves on his shoulders. “Take a letter.”

--

Princess Celestia was enjoying her afternoon tea when a scroll popped into being and fell lightly on her table.

She smiled, very much looking forward to whatever adventures one of her favourite ponies had experienced. They were the highlight of her day, really.

She unfurled the letter, noting that Spike’s handwriting was even more untidy then usual.

Dear Princess Celestia;

Today I learned that Cold Fusion’s life long aspiration was to seize the throne from you after murdering you in cold blood, and use the principality to take over the world.

He’s used our experiments on ley lines as a front, and has essentially plugged himself into one in order to receive unending power from the planet.

The entirety of Ponyville is loaded onto the largest bus I have ever even heard of, and is tearing across the countryside in no perceivable pattern in order to escape him while he rides atop a gigantic robot pony shooting lightning from it’s horn which we are narrowly dodging.

Pinkie Pie is also here and has informed me she’s shot one of the townsponies out of a cannon onto the giant robot, and he and Fusion are now engaged in mortal combat.

Rarity’s little sister has organised a rock concert in order to distract the general populace from the impending painful death, but it’s only a matter of time before they remember we’re all about to die.

Please send help,

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

P.S. This is Spike and she’s totally not lying about this I’m serious this is crazy oh please help

Celestia paused, read the letter over again, and looked out her window.

She could indeed barely make out a gigantic robot pony chasing down what could’ve been a pink bus and shooting lightning at it. Swirling dark clouds above them as well.

…she took but a moment to make sure that the world hadn’t gone crazy.

Then she stood, spread her great wings, and took off through the window.

--

“You know, I gotta hoof it to you, this is pretty awesome.” Salad said from the passenger seat of the bus. “Who taught you how to drive?”

“Ponyville Arcade!” Scootaloo answered, shifting gears and making a hard right turn.

“Huh. Neat.”

“Hey Ivan’s sister!” Said Pinkie Pie, who was leaning into the cockpit.

“Hey… you.” Salad answered. “What do you want?”

“I just thought you’d like to know that Ivan’s on top of the Megapony fighting that godhax meanie pants to the death!”

“…what?!” She yelled, tearing out of the seat and climbing on top of the bus.

“Hah! Told you he was alive!” Tiara said, but Salad didn’t care. She strained her eyes, looking up at the metal pony, and seeing green flashes.

Scootaloo was turning, so she was soon treated to a side view.

Sure enough, there was Ivan. Fighting a being with currently unlimited power.

“…Why are you so bucking stupid?!” She yelled as loud as she could. It was unlikely she was heard though.

Moon, it was unlikely anypony in front of the stage heard her.

Well that was fine. If Ivan couldn’t hear her, she’d just have to get closer.

She went to her saddlebags, slipped on her wingblade, got to the back of the bus, and proceeded to make the biggest jump of her life.

She landed on the Megapony’s knee. She jumped again.

And again, and again, and again…

--

“I’m growing tired of this. How difficult should it be to strike down a single pony?”

“Simple for me.” Ivan countered, bringing his halberd to block the sword.

“I’ll enjoy what happens when you get tired. First I’ll-“

“Death from above!” For the third time that day, a growing trend he noticed, Fusion was struck violently from the air. A pink blur hit him in the back and rode him a good half way down the Megapony.

Ivan was stuck wondering where in the moon his sister came from as she brought the wingblade down on his neck.

“…wait, shouldn’t there be blood or somethin- whoa!” The shockwave blew her off his body. Thankfully, she was a pegasus, and twisting like a ragdoll in mid air was something she could work with.

She touched the ground and barely managed to get her wingblade between some freaky black sword and her chest.

“Really now, is it too much to ask that I-“ What looked like a green whip of sorts lashed through the air and wrapped around Fusion’s neck. It appeared to be attached directly to Ivan’s horn.

“Raaaagh!” Ivan grunted his effort as he tossed the scientist over his head and hammered him into the Megapony’s back.

His head remained stuck in the hole it had punched in the metal.

“Salad, wha-“

“Bro, I cut him. Normally I don’t cut ponies, but whenever I cut something, it gets cut. I cut that son of a horse as hard as I could. Why didn’t it work?”

“Invincible.”

“…You’re bucking with me.”

“No.”

“So what, you’ve just been knocking him around up here?”

“Twenty-three-" Ivan glanced over to the struggling Fusion. "...Twenty-four kills."

“Even though he can’t actually be hurt?”

“Yes.” Ivan answered, turning back to the struggling Fusion. “Status?”

“The crusaders loaded Ponyville on that bus down there and are keeping the entire population safe. Also the other three got their cutie marks in the whole mess but haven’t even noticed.”

“Oh?”

“Scootaloo got it driving like a crazy thing, Applebloom got hers building the most metal stage ever, and Sweetie Belle got hers in the middle of a guitar solo that I’m pretty sure set her hooves on fire.”

“…what.”

“Considering the present situation,” Salad clopped a hoof against the Megapony as a reminder, “That’s four fillies that top your story that I’m pretty sure should never have been topped.”

“…huh.”

“Don’t be sad. Fighting a lamia’s pretty cool. It’s a cool story, bro.”

“…meh.”

“When I get out of here I’m going to murder you both!” Fusion yelled. Apparently his muscle mass hadn’t changed by getting charged by the planet.

“Go.” Ivan said, taking the minute to catch his breath. “Dangerous.”

“Like I’d miss this party. I wasn’t kidding when I said Dad taught me a few tricks. I’m no commando, but I’m warder trained.”

“Keep up?”

“Oh you’ll eat those words. I can float like a butterfly and sting like a knife to the face. He would know if he wasn’t cheating!” She yelled loud enough for him to hear.

“Watch my back.”

“Only if you watch mine.”

“Wait!” Shouted Twilight Sparkle as Rainbow flew her to the top.

“Hey, Twilight? Could you hurry this up? I left Vinyl playing my part.” Rainbow asked, “And, yeah, she’s awesome, but I wanna see those lessons I gave Rarity’s sister pay off.”

“You gave her those lessons?”

“You bet I did! Did you see the way she fainted? Priceless. The whole reason I did it.”

“…whatever.” Twilight muttered, jumping off the pegasus and trotting toward Fusion. Her horn started to glow.

“…So, cool wingblade.” Rainbow tried.

“Thanks.”

“…I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Rainbow Dash. I also go by ‘Painb-‘“

“Alright, I’m done.” Twilight said. “I cut him off from the ley line. Once the power he’s got left runs out, he’ll be back to normal. And with the way he’s maintaining that protective aura and driving the Megapony, it won’t take long.”

“…so I could kick him in the face and he’d feel it?” Salad asked as if she was just told she was getting everything she wanted for Hearths Warming.

“Yup.”

“While I’m really really happy you waited for me to get up here before doing that, why didn’t you do it sooner?”

“This was really the only point he’d sit still and not blast me long enough.” Twilight answered. “Ivan, can you take it from here?”

“Sure.” He said.

“Wonderful. I’m not very good in a fight, pretty sure. I’m still winded from the run to Ponyville, really.”

“I’d love to stay, but I’ve got a concert to play.” Rainbow said. “Sure this is great, but down there seems like more fun. I’ll play one for you.”

“Neat.” Salad said as the two flew off the robot.

At that time, Fusion finally pulled his head free.

“I will destroy you on the molecular level!”

“I don’t think you can.” Salad said. “I mean, if you were that powerful, you would’ve freed yourself with magic.”

It was clear that hadn’t even occurred to him. What with the way his mouth gaped, and his eye twitched.

Then his disbelief showed further when he noticed there was an actual drain on his magic.

“…what did you do?”

“Fair game.” Ivan said, cracking his neck. Salad laughed.

“Oh it’s a game now alright. Can you destroy us on the molecular level before time runs out?”

He honestly couldn’t. He couldn’t spare the power for such a thing. The Megapony stopped moving, legs locked in place so it wouldn’t tip over, so all that he had to worry about was the aura.

He was suddenly brutally aware of how many times he would’ve died on this little excursion without it.

Salad moved first, faster then Ivan thought was possible for her, and had the aura not been present, Fusion would’ve become intimately acquainted with spiked shoes.

For Salad though, the strike still made the most satisfying crack she had heard since Jerryrig.

And as he staggered backwards, Ivan was already leaping over his sister, halberd raised…

--

“What do you mean it’s out of gas?!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault.” Scootaloo said, hooves raised. “Are you even surprised this thing guzzles gas like Ponyville guzzles cider? Look at it.”

“…Fine, whatever.” Tiara said. “The Megapony stopped chasing us, so we’re fine I guess. What now?”

“Ah guess we wait for Ivan to finish up over there.” Applebloom said. “…hey, wait, what’s that on yer flank?” She said, pointing at Scootaloo.

When Scootaloo looked, she saw a motorcycle with flaming wheels. She rubbed it to see if it was some trick of her mind, but it was still there.

Oh Celestia she got her cutie mark. Party forever.

“Hey, you too!” She cheered, pointing back. Applebloom had a treehouse nestled in the branches of an apple tree. The farm filly pinched herself. She wasn’t dreaming this time.

“Hey, what about Sweetie?” She was still shredding on the stage, but against the white of her coat, it was easy to make out the heart shaped guitar crossed with a microphone.

“…Well this is officially the best day ever.” Applebloom said. “Ah don’t even feel bad about Dinky anymore.”

“Where is she anyway?” Scootaloo asked. Tiara sighed.

“She did a stage dive with Silver. They’re getting carried around by the crowd.”

“Really?!” The orange pegasus was gone quick as a flash.

“Huh, awesome.” Tiara said as Scootaloo ran off to join them.

“…you know.” Tiara added, “I figured you’d be more excited about this. Screaming Cutie Mark Whatevers something something yaaay or… well yeah.”

“Ah, um… Diamond?”

“What?”

“Yer a jerk.”

“…What?” Tiara said, eyes narrowed, ready to tear into her with the most scathing verbal assault she could manage, but Applebloom wasn’t done.

“Ya were a cold hearted, whiny, spoiled jerk.” Applebloom said, looking her in the eye. But the farm filly wasn’t angry at all. “Ah… Ah hated you. Ya didn’t have a good reason to treat me or mah friends that way. Ah thought you were trash.”

“You thought I was-?”

“Yeah, Ah did. Then ya started hangin’ around Ivan, and stuff happened… I saw ya be nice. To Silver, and Ivan, and Dinky-“

“Who can be mean to Dinky?”

“Ah know, right? But… ya were sorta nice to us too.” She continued, looking at the ground and twisting a hoof in the dirt. “Ya were there when we needed to prank Salad, ya helped when we had a giant robot… and we just saved Ponyville for the sun’s sake. And it was fun and… and we got our cutie marks.”

“…and?”

“Well, even if ya had a stupid reason fer not likin’ us, ya don’t got it no more. And I don’t mind ya as much lately.” Applebloom looked up, almost shyly. If Tiara didn’t know any better, she’d say Applebloom was scared.

“Can we be friends now?”

“…Well.” Tiara began, looking at the flashes of light atop the standing Megapony. “We did just save Ponyville.”

“…yeah?”

“So we’re probably gonna be in the paper and stuff. Front page. It’d look bad if we were fighting when the picture was taken.”

“It would.”

“And you did get your cutie marks. So you’re one step closer to being actual ponies.”

“Hey, listen you-“

“So yeah.” Tiara said, turning back and looking totally uninterested in the conversation. “I guess we could be friends.”

“Really?”

“You better keep being cool though.” Tiara threatened. “My friends need to keep up appearances. If you’re not good enough…”

“…Ah’ll be good enough. We’ll be good enough.” Applebloom said with a small smile. She extended a hoof. “But ya have to be good enough too. No more pickin’ on us.”

“If you’re stupid, I’ll call you stupid.” Tiara responded, taking the hoof and shaking it. “If you’re good enough, you won’t be stupid. End of story.”

“Permanent truce on account of being the greatest team ever assembled since The Wonderbolts?”

“Whatever.” A smile of her own wrestled free of her control, but for her credit, Applebloom pretended not to notice.

“Um, excuse me?” Their hooves parted as if they burned, and they made themselves presentable for their approaching teacher.

“Yes Miss Cheerilee?”

“Have either of you seen Ivan? I haven’t been able to find him on the bus.”

“Oh, he’s up there fighting the invincible demigod who was driving the Megapony.”

Cheerilee’s eyes widened. And she turned to the robot, noting the black swirling clouds and the explosions and flashes of powerful magic…

“…Oh sun…”

“Is Ivan back yet?” Dinky asked trotting over. Ditzy followed behind, looking worriedly at the distant battle.

Before anypony could answer her, an explosion of a size they hadn’t seen since the ogre attacked erupted from the battle, and a glowing green something flew out of it.

And it was headed their way.

“Move!” Cheerilee shouted, clearing the area as the green comet flew closer.

…if she strained her ears, over the scream of whatever magic propelled them, she could hear…

Was that Salad’s voice?

“…ooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh-!” The crash deafened everypony close by, and whatever it was dug a huge trench in the earth as they ground to a halt.

The magic faded to reveal Ivan, ridden by a jubilant Salad.

“Bucking A!” She whooped, whacking Ivan on the back of his neck with a hoof. “Come on, let’s get him back up there and do it again!”

“I’ll… erase you…” They heard from below. Ivan climbed out of the trench to reveal that they had apparently used Cold Fusion as a makeshift surfboard.

Moreover, his aura was gone and his eyes were no longer black.

Ivan whipped a green vine of some sort into the trench, and threw the other unicorn out onto the open ground as un-gently as he could manage.

The clouds thinned and dissipated, letting the sun shine through.

“So… we beat the hay out of him.” Salad said. “What do we do with him now?”

“I believe I can take it from here.” Spoke a voice Ivan didn’t recognise. He turned to see oh Celestia. Literally.

“…oh my bucking buck you’re Princess Celestia.” Salad said.

“I don’t believe I’ve ever been greeted that way before.” Their ruler mused. “I do hope nopony makes a habit of it.”

“…uh… right, yeah…” the pegasus said, visibly backing off. Ivan raised an eyebrow, but supposed if she was going to act this way for anypony, she couldn’t have picked a better presence to respect.

“…Twilight?”

“Yes Princess?” answered the unicorn as she approached.

“As a member of my court, I would ask you to stand witness.”

“Of course…?”

“…Cold Fusion.” Celestia said, “You now stand trial for your crimes. Twilight, if you would list them?”

“Now?” Twilight asked, glancing nervously at the nearby rock concert still going on. By the position of the bus though, they were all out of view. “Here?”

“If you please.”

“…Three counts of attempted murder, towards ponies Ivan Hooves, Scootaloo, and myself. Attempted subjugation and slaughter of the town of Ponyville. High treason, conspiracy to usurp the throne and murder Princess Celestia as well as any forces who stood to resist. Crimes against nature, seizing the elder magicks of the earth and threatening us with it’s unbalance.”

“Cold Fusion, how do you plead?” Celestia asked.

“Guilty.” The scientist answered, pushing himself up onto his hooves. “I will not regret my actions. We were meant to war, not mewl and prostate ourselves against those who would insult us.”

“By my authority as Equestria’s ruler, I do find you guilty for the aforementioned crimes. You are sentenced to a thousand years banishment among the stars.” Fusion’s earlier bravado vanished.

“You… you can’t! Such a punishment is inpony!”

“Your crimes are not without prescient.” Celestia spoke, solemn as a judge even as her horn began to glow. “The punishment for such transgressions is the same as it always was.”

Before Fusion could attempt to run, he was shackled to the earth as a circle of light drew itself around him.

“Once your sentence has passed, we will speak again. We will see if your time to reflect has taught you anything.”

“No! Nooooooooooo-!” A pillar of white light lanced from the ground and seemed to extend into the sky without end.

And when the light faded, Cold Fusion was nowhere to be seen.

Nopony could speak as they were still coming to grips with what they had just witnessed.

“Twilight.” Celestia said, breaking the silence. “Are you well?”

“Y-yes.” She said. “We were lucky. He didn’t manage to do any damage with the power he took…”

“The other two you mentioned are unharmed as well?”

“Ivan is this pony here.” Twilight said, gesturing to the stallion.” And Scootaloo is fine besides some bruising around her neck…” Twilight trailed off as she recalled a foal had nearly been killed in front of her. She inhaled, deeply, thanking whatever force existed that he had failed.

“…Any damages to the surrounding area?”

“A few buildings were crushed by, um… that.” Twilight said, pointing at the Megapony.

“I imagine there’s a story behind that one.” Celestia said, as much to herself as the surrounding ponies. “Nothing else?”

“Nothing.”

“…It appears you didn’t need my help after all.” The princess said. “If any ask, the criminal has been apprehended, and is now serving his sentence. I will expect a full report on the events of today at your earliest convenience.”

“Of course Princess.”

“…I believe that concludes our business.” The alicorn said as she turned to the bus. “…now, what is happening over there?”

“…would you like to see?” Twilight asked.

“I believe I would.” Celestia answered, smiling as Twilight led her towards the concert.

“…Did we just see Princess Celestia descend from the heavens and banish that pony we beat up to space?” Salad asked.

“…yes.” Ivan answered.

“…this place is crazy.” Salad concluded, shaking her head and going back to the bus. “Forget it, I’m done. When I left, Sweetie Belle and that rainbow pegasus were in the middle of a rock off, and I want to hear how that ended.”

“Ivan?” he heard, and he turned to see Cheerilee looking him over.

“…you don’t look hurt.”

“M’not.”

“So, little filly snaps your leg. Twilight knocks you out cold by accident. Memry throws you through rocks and causes heavy bruising. Blasting an ogre puts you in the hospital for a couple days.” The teacher raised an eyebrow. “But an invincible demigod… nothing?”

“Nope.”

“…something’s wrong with this picture.” She said, dusting off his coat as she looked him over again to make sure. “You’re not this lucky.” Ivan shrugged.

“Complaining?” Cheerilee sighed.

“Oh my Celestia I’m so glad you’re still alive.” She whispered, putting a hoof around his neck and pulling his head down.

And as the assembled ponies watched Cheerilee kiss the daylight out of Ivan, Dinky asked her mother:

“Does this mean I can’t marry him?”

--

The party had passed without incident, though part way through it had become a ‘Ponyville was saved/the crusaders have their cutie marks and will leave us alone finally’ party.

Princess Celestia attended, and it was immediately one of the greatest parties ever. She was even nice enough to drive the bus back to town on her magic alone while the party continued.

Nopony asked about the large and loud pillar of light, since everything that had happened up until that point made it sort of uninteresting by comparison.

Ivan opened his eyes as morning light filtered through the curtains in Cheerilee’s room.

The previous day’s events had been tiring for them both, and she decided she was turning in early. She didn’t let Ivan walk back to his tree though.

Though nothing really happened to speak of. Ivan wasn’t in much of a mood considering all the work he had done up to that point left him running on fumes. And Cheerilee wasn’t in much of a mood either as she was still somewhat in shock that Ivan had essentially dirty-danced with death and came moonwalking out of it like it didn’t even happen.

So they ended up slipping between the covers, Ivan slipped a foreleg around her from behind, and they hadn’t moved since.

Ivan drew the curtains closed with his horn, thinking once again that he had been born under the best tribe ever, and drew the slumbering Cheerilee a little closer. Sure he had work about now, but yesterday sucked and by the sun and moon he had earned this. They’d forgive him for sure, especially when they noticed the paper mentioned him on the front page.

So he inhaled mare and grapes, settled back into the pillow, and resumed the best sleep he’d had since he was a foal.

He wasn’t getting out of bed until the morning was over.