--

“So you live here now?” Salad asked after they had all calmed down. Ivan nodded.

“Bangin’. So do I. Where are you crashing? I’ll bunk with you.” Everypony awkwardly looked away as Ivan slowly patted the tree they were all seated under.

“…you’re serious. He’s serious?” The others nodded. “But you’ve got a marefriend. Aren’t you living with her?”

“Well, I do have a spare bedroom bu-“

“Great, I’ll take that. I’ll pay rent, and I can cook. Just don’t keep me up whenever you take this idiot home and we’re golden.”

“Bu-“

“Hey, Red. Show me a good place to get a bite to eat. It’ll be a while before Ivan picks his jaw out of the dirt.” She got to her hooves, stretched, and slipped on her saddlebags (which everypony noticed were the same color and shade as Ivan).

“…Eeyup.” He sighed, not really in much of an arguing mood after seeing Salad switch from ‘buck off’ to ‘soul wrenching grief’ to ‘you’re alright, but buck off’.

And Ivan really did look like he needed a minute after watching his kid sister essentially move in with his marefriend before him within twenty minutes of meeting her. The fact that all the skeletons in his closet had very recently jumped out and beat the green off of him might’ve had something to do with it too.

Big Mac lumbered down the hill at an easy pace, Salad following close behind.

“…Ivan, are you alright?”

“…what.” Poor Ivan looked positively shellshocked.

--

“So how long has he been here?”

“’bout a month and a half.”

“And when did he hook up with the hot teacher?”

“…Ah think they got together yesterday.”

“Well that explains why he’s sleeping under a tree I guess. So what kept him in one place for this long? I met his last ‘special friend’, so it probably wasn’t the ‘power of love’.”

“More like the power of not travelling on a broken leg.” Salad hmm’d to her self.

“You did say something about a broken leg, didn’t you?”

“Eeyup.”

“How’d that happen?”

“Mah sister and her friends played a prank and it ended messy.” Salad, unpredictably, burst out laughing.

“Oh… oh my Celestia, you’re telling me big bro was owned by a bunch of fillies?!”

“Eeyup.”

“Priceless!” she wheezed, rolling on the ground. Big Mac patiently waited until she was done.

“Oh moon. I needed that.” She said as she caught her breath. “You need to loosen up Red. That was hilarious. I’m never letting him hear the end of that.”

“Might interest ya to know they’ve been followin’ him around since day one.”

“…seriously? Ivan’s got a fan club?”

“Up ta six now Ah hear.”

“What did he do, slay a dragon?”

“Lamia, actually. Well he lost, but they gave eachother a hay of a beatin’ while the fight was on.”

“…aren’t lamia those huge reptillian killing machines that are like, the last thing you ever want to meet in a dark alleyway?”

“Eeyup.” He said, smiling.

“…Big bro was not only in one piece, but he wasn’t breathing out his rear, inside out, or wearing a coat made of his own organs. And… he lost a fight with a lamia?”

“That one.” Big Mac clarified, pointing down the road to where a lamia was talking to a bunch of excited fillies. And a grown mare. And… was that a mini dragon?

“Is tha-“

“Eeyup.”

“…doesn’t look that threatening.” She said, referring to the lamia. Probably.

“She is.” He said. “She is.” And Salad decided to take his word for it.

“Howdy brother!” they heard, and Salad saw a yellow earth filly trotting up to them.

“Howdy A.B.” Big Mac returned.

“Who’s this?” the filly asked, looking the new pony over, before staring open mouthed at the wing.

“Don’t be rude now.” Big Mac warned.

“Ah’m, sorry. Ah just… don’t see things like that much.” Salad sighed, irritated.

“Fine, I guess. Salad Shooter. I’m Ivan’s sister.”

“Ivan’s got a sister?!”

“A what?!” Another filly said, and within seconds, Salad was crowded by several fillies firing questions at her in a way that she couldn’t make a single one out.

…Her brother put up with this on a daily basis?

“Buck this.” She muttered, and spread her wing. With a mighty flap, she leapt out of the ring of eager fillies and landed light as a feather on a nearby rooftop.

“Hey, no fair!” one of them shouted.

“I didn’t come here to get mobbed by a bunch of strangers, whether my brother likes them or not.” Salad replied, sitting down. “I’m not coming down until you all go away. Except you Red, I’m not done with you yet.”

“Well why did you come here?” He heard behind her, and she turned to discover that one of her brother’s fans was a pegasus.

And by the sour look on her face, the pegasus didn’t like her very much. Not that the feeling wasn’t mutual.

“And why is that your business?”

“Ivan’s my business.” The orange filly said. Salad could only start laughing again.

“Oh wow. Keep it coming. I haven’t seen him in years, I need all the dirt I can get. Gotta make up for lost time.”

“…what the hay are you talking about?”

“…Alright, look foal. I’m not nice. If you’re looki-“

“Why not?”

“…come again?”

“Ivan’s real nice. To all of us. Even Crownie and Spoony down there.” There were a pair of indignant ‘hey!’s, but they were ignored. “So why are you such a jerk?”

“Was Ivan nice the second he met you?”

“Well… not really…” Scootaloo said, thinking back to the first nap they interrupted.

“Then why do I have to be?” Salad spat. “I’m up on a roof to get away from a bunch of grabby fillies and getting interrogated by some little chicken wing-“

“I’m not a chicken why does everypony keep saying tha-“

“Don’t care. Point is, you’re harshing my mellow, and I don’t have a lot of it to go around.” Salad got to her hooves and leapt off the roof, landing softly next to Big Mac.

“Go bother Ivan if you like him so much. I left him under some tree over there. C’mon Red.”

Scootaloo touched down as she was leaving, glaring at the mare’s back.

“Geeze… it’s like Diamond Tiara got older and grew a wing.”

“Hey-“

“So what, do we go see Ivan?” Silver Spoon asked. And while Dinky didn’t really care, the other crusaders had to wonder why they were still there.

“…why the hay are ya still hangin’ out with us?”

“We’re not hanging out with you.” Tiara said with a scowl. “We were hanging out with Ivan. Then Memry. Now we’re going to find Ivan again and find out where that mare came from.”

“…New truce.” Sweetie Belle said. “…until we find out what the hay crawled up her butt.”

“Sounds good enough.” Applebloom said. “Let’s mosey.”

--

“Ya seem pretty good with that wing.” Big Mac said. Salad’s sour look faded a bit, probably glad they were talking about something that wasn’t a bunch of fillies.

“Still a pegasus. So I’ve still got the magic. Can walk on clouds and stuff. Just, getting up there in the first place is a problem.” The feathers ruffled a bit as she stretched her wing idly.

“Handy-capable?” the stallion tried, having overheard the word a couple times whenever he ran errands in town. Salad smirked.

“Kinda like that. I always thought of myself as an earth pony with benefits.”

“Ya don’t say.”

“I do say. This the place?”

“Eeyup.” They took a table outdoors, a waitress came to take their orders, and only stared at Salad’s not-wing for ten seconds before she realized she had to be somewhere else.

“…Could’ve been a bit nicer to the fillies.”

“They could’ve been a bit more polite to an angry looking stranger.” Big Mac shrugged as he bit into his sandwich.

“Ah’m just sayin’. Ivan’s awful protective of ‘em.”

“He is, is he?” Salad scowled. “Got a bunch of little sisters to replace me?”

“To be honest.” The stallion said, “when the conversation turned to sisters a couple nights back, he looked like the thoughts hadn’t crossed his mind.”

“…Huh.” She said, chomping some lettuce from her own dish. A salad. Big Mac wondered how many puns she had to put up with when somepony tried to talk to her while she was eating.

“So, that orange one. She seemed pretty protective herself.”

“That’d be Scootaloo. Might like Ivan the most, that one.”

“Any idea why?”

“Might be because she’s an orphan. Might also be because I hear he saved her life a few times.” Big Mac shrugged and took another bite. “Could be both.”

“…so is that what he’s been up to? Saving fillies?”

“Also an odd job here and there, between all the times he stuck his neck out. Worked mah farm a while back too.” He smiled. “He’s pretty much a local hero. Lots of ponies say hi whenever he goes through town.”

“Sounds like something out of a cheap fairy tale.”

“He earned it.”

“I guess.” The late lunch finished, and Salad had a bag of bits out before Big Mac could reach his.

“I got this Red.”

“Much obliged.”

“Eh. I figure you get something for being my personal tour guide. And errand pony.”

“Ee-what?”

“Hey.” She said, flagging down the waitress from before. “Go get your manager.”

“…Of course.” She said, glad to get away from the rude pony.

“Alright, Red. Do me a favor and take the bag.” She nudged forward her wallet on the table. “There should be more then enough in there. Go get me some almonds, feta cheese, sunflower seeds, and a couple oranges. Then come back here and ask one of the staff to help you find me. Make it snappy.”

“…beg pardon?”

“I know you’re still hungry. Do it and you won’t regret it.”

“…fine.” Big Mac sighed, swiping the wallet off the table and deciding that Ivan owed him a favor for this.

--

When the crusaders (plus two) found Ivan, he looked shook up, and his face was bruised. Even if he called it an accident, none of the fillies were dumb enough to believe that the new pony in town wasn’t responsible.

When they had all, at the same time, excused themselves because they had ‘things to do’, Ivan wasn’t in much of a state to say no and Cheerilee didn’t want to leave him. So she affixed them with her best ‘teacher’ look and told them under no uncertain terms to stay out of trouble.

When they were out of earshot, Tiara spoke first.

“Alright. So I’ve got a plan to avenge Ivan. Temporary truce until that one winged mule gets what’s coming to her.”

“…actually since we don’t know what her deal is, the other truce is still on.” Dinky said.

“…are you fillies in or out?”

“I’m in.” Scootaloo said. “She deserves the worst and I don’t know anypony worse then you.”

“Hey no you don’t.” Tiara said smugly. “Anypony else?” The other three nodded, never more serious in their entire lives then they were now.

“Good. Alright, Applebloom, I need you to get some…”

--

The market was close-by, and it didn’t take more then a few minutes to fill Salad’s shopping list. The waitress was mumbling under her breath, and he wondered if the pegasus had struck again while he was gone.

“Hey, the mare I was with. Could ya take me to her please?”

“No problem.” She said as if she were asked to walk into a volcano. The stallion winced.

It turned out Salad had invaded the kitchen, and when Big Mac walked through the swinging doors, she was set up in front of a cutting board. Oh her wing was some kind of knife, which she was using to chop lettuce with brutal efficiency.

Cucumbers and tomatoes were cut up neatly nearby. And Big Mac noticed a large bowl at the ready.

Looked like Salad was about to live up to her name.

“Hey, Red, put that down over here.” Wanting to see where this was going to end up, Big Mac complied, setting the bag down within her reach, and joined the audience that had assembled on the side of the room.

Given the way she peeled an orange and shaved the cheese, she was well in practice with the wing blade. Very well in practice, the stallion mused, as she somehow managed to finely and evenly slice almonds in barely a few seconds.

Before long, a salad was tossed and ready.

“Somepony get some bowls. Red, you get first taste.” And when he took the first bite, Big Mac had to admit, he’d be willing to pay good money for food like this.

And as the salad was shared by the staff present, one of them spoke up between bites.

“…you start Wednesday. Noon.”

“Sweet. Also I say this now, first pony to make a pun about my name gets to be my knife block. Same with anypony who asks where my other wing is.” The ponies present nodded in agreement. Half of them put up with the puns at least on a daily basis. Got old quick.

“Fair enough.” The pony said, Big Mac assumed he was the manager. “Now get out. We’ve got orders coming in.”

“Fair enough.” Salad echoed, wiping down her wing blade in a nearby sink and stashing it in one of her bags. “Come on Red. Figure I should tell my new landlady I’ve got income.” She said as she gathered the leftover supplies from what Big Mac purchased. She held out a hoof as she passed and caught her wallet when the stallion dropped it for her.

She squinted as she walked out into the bright sunlight and smirked to herself.

“Well now that I’m done winning at life, I want you to be my witness when we tell Big Bro that it didn’t even take me half a day to set up shop. Also you can tell my landlady what kind of meal she’s in for later. Maybe I’ll be able to get low rent fo-whatthebuck.” Salad stepped into a rope trap that retracted and suspended her above the ground from a tree. Before she could process this, she was suddenly soaked in what she tasted was honey.

Then she heard a twang and the world was feathers.

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was that orange pegasus (upside-down) from earlier wearing the exact smirk she herself was wearing just a second ago. Before Salad could say anything, the filly had trotted forward and put some cardboard thing on her muzzle.

Scootaloo pulled a pair of shades from out of nowhere and slipped them on.

“Who’s the chicken now?”

Salad heard the raucous laughter of several other fillies, occupying other battlestations. She raised an eyebrow as she saw Big Mac’s sister and a grey unicorn packing up what appeared to be a miniature catapult. And two other earth fillies next to a large bucket.

They picked up the catapult and bucket and ran, laughing like hyenas the whole way.

Salad turned her head to see Big Mac failing to repress amusement.

“Don’t tell Big Bro.”

“Ah don’t have to.” Salad sighed, knowing he was right.

Slipping her wing into her bag, she pulled out her blade. A backflip later and she was upright, on the ground, and still feathered.

“The only reasons I’m not chasing them down to gut them is because Ivan likes them for some reason, and because that was admittedly pretty boss.” She said. The stallion nodded, first question answered rather handily.

“Ah take it ya want some place to get cleaned up?” Big Mac guessed out loud.

“Make it so.” Salad said. The farmpony chuckled and lead the way. Carousel Boutique was only a couple minutes off.

--

Rarity answered the door quickly, so she probably wasn’t busy. Good, Big Mac thought. He’d hate to interrupt her in the middle of a ‘tsunami of creative wonder’, whatever the hay that was.

“Ah! Good afternoon Big Macintosh, what a pleasant su-…” She paused, spying the pony behind him.

“…Big Mac, dear, you are of course aware that there’s a giant chicken following you around?”

“Eeyup.”

“…since it hasn’t broken out into song, I’ll assume that isn’t Pinkie Pie under that plumage?”

“Eenope.”

“…I’ll show you to the bathroom.”

“To the point. I like that.” Salad quipped as she followed the unicorn into the boutique.

“Ah, Big Mac, make yourself at home. We’ll have this mare good as new in no time at all.” After the two mares were out of earshot, Big Mac chuckled. The pegasus had no idea what she was in for.

He wandered into the kitchen for a glass of water, and saw Ditzy seated at the table sipping at a cup of hot tea.

“Howdy.” He said. Ditzy grinned.

“Howdy!”

“Just visitin’?”

“Rarity’s the last stop on my route.” Ditzy said. “So we’re having tea.”

“How’s that workin’?”

“Never had tea before.” She said, smiling. “I like it.”

“So.” The stallion started, seating himself at the table. “You’ll never guess what yer daughter did.”

“Whatever it is.” Ditzy said. “Can’t be any more interesting then seeing a giant chicken.”

“Ya might be surprised.”

--

A few minutes later, Ditzy was banging her hoof on the table, laughing harder then… well Salad, Big Mac mused.

“So… so what do you think they did that for?” She asked as she calmed down. Big Mac shrugged.

“Ah don’t know. Ah remember she told ‘em to go bother Ivan an… huh.”

“What’s ‘huh’?”

“When Ivan and his sister met up, they had a bit of a scuffle.” Said the stallion. “If they saw him in the state she left him in, that might just explain it.”

“Wait.” A perfectly clean Salad said as she entered the room, an unusually silent Rarity following behind. Big Mac concluded it probably had something to do with Salad’s ‘condition’.

“So… you’re telling me that those fillies tarred, feathered, and stuck a beak on me to defend my brother’s honor?”

“Eeyup.”

“…oh my Celestia that’s hilarious.” Salad said. “Totally worth the experience since I now get to hit him with it.”

“Why would you do a thing like that?” Rarity said. “Even if I disagree with the method, I think their intentions were darling.”

“I haven’t seen big bro in a while. Gotta make up for lost time.” Salad smirked. “And come on, he’s resident hero I heard. Getting protected from the resident bully by a group of fillies. Tell me that isn’t funny.”

“…well I do suppose there is some humor in it…” Rarity admitted.

“The only way it could’ve been funnier is if his marefriend got in on it.”

“…his what?” the unicorn asked, face falling into a blank state.

“His marefriend. This pink and purple teacher lady. Didn’t get her name.” Salad put a hoof to her chin in thought. “…probably should have. I kind of live with her now.”

“How long have they been together?” Rarity asked, an odd twitch in her eye. Salad ignored it since the fashionista struck her as a bit of a loon. Probably normal.

“Red said yesterday.”

“Eeyup.” He nodded. Ditzy giggled.

“Cheerilee told me this morning when I delivered her mail. She seemed really happy!”

“Oh, that’s her name…” Salad mused.

“…was she now?” Rarity deadpanned.

“Oh, yes! She also told me how it happened. So romantic! While watching the sunset…”

“Yes?!”

“…wait, didn’t she tell you?” Ditzy asked. “This seems really personal. I probably shouldn’t be talking about it. If you don’t know, I mean.”

“She was going to tell me! I swear, but then something happened, and I had to take a-“

“Well why don’t you just ask her?” Ditzy said. “She probably tells it better then I do.”

“…the boutique is closed.” Rarity said, ushering them all outside. Once there, she took off in a random direction.

“…Welp. I’m officially the lesser of the two evils.” Salad said.

An awkward minute passed as the ponies tried to figure out what to do next.

“Which way?!” Rarity all but yelled when she came running back. The three pointed hooves toward Ivan’s tree and she was gone again.

“…Alright, we’re gonna watch this happen.” The pink pony said, trotting after her.

“’Lesser’, ya say.” Big Mac muttered as he followed.

“…So Ivan has a sister?” Ditzy asked.

“He does. It’s me.” Salad answered.

“Huh. Well I’m Ditzy!”

“You sure are.” Salad shaking her outstretched hoof. The jab seemed to fly right over Ditzy’s head.

“So, what happened to your wing?” Salad said nothing, Big Mac could see the anger start boiling off of her.

“…You’re Ivan’s friend, right?” She asked a moment later, oddly calm. “That crazy unicorn and Red knew who I was. Did he tell you?”

“Nope!” Said Ditzy. “But I don’t see him as often as they do. Wonder why?”

“Well, Red knows where my wing went. Probably won’t be long before that white loon knows.”

“Rarity.” The stallion corrected.

“I call ‘em like I see ‘em.” Salad dismissed. “So, Ditzy. You’re free now, right?”

“Sure! Tea time is over I guess.”

“If you’re Ivan’s friend, you could probably find out if you asked him.”

“…but it’s your wing I’m asking about.” Ditzy said, frowning.

“Believe me. I know. So ask Ivan if you really want to know.”

“Salad.” Big Mac whispered. “what are ya doin’!?”

“He tells it better then I do.” Salad said, ignoring the stallion.

“Alright!” Ditzy said, flying off.

“…What do you think yer playin’ with?” Asked the farm pony, eyes narrowed.

“I wanna see what she’ll do.” Salad said.

“This ain’t right.”

“Sure it isn’t.” she said, waving a hoof. “I don’t care.”

Big Mac growled, shoving her into the side of a building and pinning her there with a massive hoof.

Despite the small grunt of surprise, she seemed alright with this.

“Are ya tryin’ ta ruin him?” He asked slowly.

“Nope.” She said, looking at him curiously. Maybe she was wondering why the stallion had gotten rough with her. “Might happen though. Can’t help it if it does.”

“The buck you can’t!” Salad should’ve known better then anypony, taking off a pegasus’s wing or a unicorn’s horn was not all right.

If it got out, hero or not, it was a possibility Ivan could get run out of town.

“He’s settled here.” Salad said. “He wandered, hiding from his parents and me, for ten years. And a month here changed all that?”

“Eeyup.”

“Ten years of walking Equestria, making no friends, telling nopony about what B.U.B.A.R.’d his entire life. And one month here made everything all right?” Salad pushed him back, jabbing his chest with a hoof. “That just doesn’t add up.”

“…What are ya doin’?”

“I’m seeing if this place is worth it. If his friends can forgive this,” She said, gesturing to her side, “…then I won’t have to take him home where I know he’ll be welcomed.”

“…Ditzy might react badly.”

“You didn’t.”

“Ah don’t have wings.” Salad shrugged.

“We’ll see, I guess. Coming?” The pegasus walked off. A seething Big Mac followed.

--

They arrived at the tree, and up the hill was what looked like a very tense scene.

Ditzy looked… extremely uncomfortable. Big Mac noticed her fidgeting with her wings. Rarity looked similarly distressed.

And Cheerilee glared at Salad once she was within view. Ivan, at her side, appeared to be awaiting judgement.

“…An accident indeed.” Rarity said. “But in the end, an accident.”

Ditzy nodded in agreement, slowly and silently.

“…how long have you known, Cheerilee?” the unicorn mare continued. “I’m only curious at this point. Ivan has done no wrong by me.”

“Did Sweetie Belle tell you about when Ivan hit his head?”

“Yes.”

“A bit after that.”

“Ah.”

“…I-it’s…” Ditzy stuttered, “…I’m… alright.”

“…you are?” Ivan asked.

“You helped save Dinky.” She answered. “And she’s my everything.”

“Sweetie Belle as well.” Said Rarity with a smile. “Without your help, I’m unsure if I would’ve found her in time. And without your help, I’m sure we would not have escaped.” The unicorn shuddered.

“…with the state we found her in… had that continued, she could’ve sustained permanent damage to her horn. Not unlike a pegasus losing a wing, I imagine.”

When Rarity finished, Ditzy finally started to relax. A few seconds of silence later, and Ivan lifted the brim of his hat.

“…You can stay.” Salad decided, seating herself on Ivan’s other side. The eyebrow he raised was telling. “I’ll explain later. To you too, I guess.” She said, nodding to an upset Cheerilee.

“Oh yes. You will.”

“I’ll make dinner then. Ivan, you’re invited.”

“Cool.” Ivan said as if that didn’t matter.

“Salad, don’t invite ponies to my hou-“

“Ivan, Cheerilee says you’re not welcome. Sorry bro.”

“Lame.” Ivan said as if that also didn’t matter.

“Salad, don’t tell my-“

“Ivan, dinner’s happening and you’re invited again.”

“Cool.”

“…Ivan.” Cheerilee asked with a hoof pressed between her eyes. “Is this how you feel all the time?” Ivan shook his head.

“Feel alright now.” He said with a smile.