To the Tyrant Princess,

Well I learned today that the Wonderbolts standards for who they welcome into their little club have plunged to absolute zero because they finally allowed Crash to be a full blown Wonderbolt. Yeah it is lame news and shit but I didn't have anything important to bitch to you about. Believe it or not, despite me being irritated by this I am in a good mood because I have the sweetest pony in the universe who loves me.

Having Nothing Important to Bitch About,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Celestia,

Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh, I did it, I finally did it! I finally became a full fledged Wonderbolt. It has been my dream ever since I was a foal and it has finally happened! I honestly never thought the writers would have me fulfill my destiny the way they did Princess Bitchypants! Now that I am a true Wonderbolt, I will continue to move up the list and maybe someday I can become the captain! Now that would be beyond sweet!

Equestria's Newest Wonderbolt,

Rainbow Dash

To A Sub-par Monarch,

Wait a minute, all you had to bitch to me about was Crash becoming a Wonderbolt? I am surprised and I am even more surprised that you didn't even seem all that worked up over it. I get it though, you are so happy that you have a special somepony and even happier that I cast that longevity spell on her but could you please refrain from all that sentimental non-sense? Kind of funny how you used to bitch over shit like that and now here you are making me want to vomit over that sappy shit. Things have a weird way of coming around though, right?

Equestria's Best Monarch,

Princess Celestia

Dear Rainbow Crash,

I am glad to hear that you finally became a true Wonderbolt but I am disappointed in you right now. I am disappointed because you left out all the fun details that Spitfire reported to me afterwards! I know it was embarrassing but you could have at least told me about how you crashed into a trash can and formally earned the name Rainbow Crash.

I'm going to let you in on a secret, if you would have told me all the details about your horrible first day and how you ruined the performance in Ponyville, I would have forced Twilight to come home and freed you from her but oh well, too bad, so sad!

Sincerely,

Princess "Never Crashed into a Trash Can" Celestia