Advent of the Black Strain
Chapter 5: Thoughts
Previous Chapter Next Chapter"Nervous, sugarcube?"
Rather than answer Applejack right away, Fluttershy looked around her, observing the griffons as they walked past. Some kept to their own business, but many others stopped and stared in wonder. There were hushed whispers, concerned and excited mutters, and distrustful gazes all around the two ponies.
Yet Fluttershy still observed.
That was the key action that stood out to the normally cripplingly shy pony -- she observed, unabashed and unafraid. She didn't try to shrink in on herself like she normally did in public or when surrounded by strangers, nor did she try to hide behind her mane and avoid any eye contact.
If a griffon stared at her, she stared back -- not out of defiance of course, but more out of honest curiosity. She did feel a pang of guilt and hurt whenever a griffon would wince or shiver before quickly turning away.
Still, Fluttershy hadn't felt this confident since she had first started taking lessons from Iron Will -- except it wasn't quite like that. This was a much more familiar feeling, something she dealt with everyday back in her little cottage on the outskirts of Ponyville.
Being around all these griffons -- these complete strangers -- was like being surrounded by animals. It was less that she thought they were adorable or had a desire to help them, and more that she knew they wouldn't and couldn't hurt her -- that she felt at ease knowing she could handle them if they got too rowdy.
She was the one in control of the situation, not them.
She was the strong and powerful predator, they were the weak and defenseless prey.
Her newfound confidence on top of her current... circumstances, brought back shameful and painful memories of when she had taken Iron Will's lessons too far, and the thought made her uncomfortable despite her lack of fear and shyness.
Were these feelings carried over from when she had transformed into that... thing?
To her slight disturbance, she found she couldn't answer her own question.
"Fluttershy?"
The pegasus in question snapped out of her musings and turned to see Applejack giving her a concerned frown. The cowpony rested a hoof on Fluttershy's shoulder, her frown switching to a reassuring smile.
"If yer not feelin' up to it, ya'll can go back," she offered, "ah can take care of this on mah own."
"No, that's not it," Fluttershy replied with a single shake of her head, "I just... I'm just feeling a bit... strange after waking up is all."
"Ah can understand that," Applejack replied, taking a step back before she and Fluttershy continued their trot forward, "things sure have gone to Tartarus in a hoofbasket I tell ya."
Fluttershy nodded silently and looked over to the large statue of a burly looking griffon in military attire that decorated the center of town. As the two viral ponies made their way closer to the town square, Applejack leaned in close to her pegasus friend.
"Let me do the talkin'," she muttered, "we'll let em' know what's what an' head back ta town hall in a jiffy, sound good?"
"That sounds perfect, Applejack," Fluttershy replied with another nod, "it feels like ages since I've spent anytime with you all, and to be honest..." she looked around at the curious griffons who were already starting to gather around them, and whispered to Applejack, "...I'd rather not be a spectacle if I can help it."
Applejack chuckled and shook her head as she too looked around at the griffons.
"Looks like yer gonna halfta deal with it, Flutters," the cowpony replied, "that's more or less what this shindig Pinkie and the rest of us are puttin' together is all about."
"Oh... right," Fluttershy murmured unhappily, "Pinkie did mention something like that..."
Fluttershy may not have been afraid or shy about being around such a crowd anymore, but whatever changes had befallen her hadn't completely stripped her of her introverted nature.
"It'll be alright, Fluttershy," Applejack assured as she stepped up in front of the statue, "we just gotta get through this party an' then we can all sit down an' have a nice long chat."
"I know," Fluttershy replied with a grateful smile, "thanks, Applejack."
"Not a problem, sugarcube," Applejack responded with a smile of her own.
She turned to the gathering griffons and cleared her throat before speaking in a louder voice.
"HEY YA'LL! IF AH COULD GET YER ATTENTION FER A MOMENT..."
Pinkie trotted along the dirt road to one of the few stores they had here in Squawken. Looking around the rather old fashioned hamlet, she was surprised they had the kind of party supplies she'd been looking for at all, but she wasn't complaining.
She was genuinely happy that she was able to reunite with her friends, and as she had hoped, having them around quelled the Voice in her head to the point where it was almost nonexistent.
While she still couldn't feel true remorse for the slaughter she had partaken in, she could at least feel sympathy for her fellow ponies-turned-viruses. Rainbow had been mistaken in thinking she felt bad about her actions before.
What had truly bothered the pink mare, was being reminded that nothing would be the same as it was before. They couldn't go back to the way things were -- not after what happened in that facility. Even if they somehow returned to their normal pony selves, the guilt and self-loathing would most likely crush them all.
It was a lose-lose situation, and that's what bothered Pinkie the most, and if that wasn't enough, the Voice was back. Without her friends around, it clawed its way back into her mind, pressing upon her like a lead weight.
Traveling the small hamlet by herself, she could hear it loud and clear -- whispering to her, putting cruel and terrible ideas into her head as she observed the griffons walking by. She managed to ignore it, giving the griffons a strained smile or a shaky wave before quickly moving on.
It wasn't like she was on the knife edge of slaughtering anypony. It was more that she was desperately trying not to give in to the cold indifference that threatened to overwhelm her cheerful disposition.
She knew she'd always care about her friends and would do anything to make them happy -- Voice or no -- but she also wanted to make everypony else happy too. She couldn't do that if she was stuck as some kind of emotionless killing machine -- a mere puppet dancing on the strings of that Tartarus forsaken Voice.
If she let the Voice control her, that's exactly what she would become.
She also had a strong feeling Twilight was going through something similar, if not worse. She hadn't said anything at the time, but when she saw her lavender friend back in the hallway of that facility, she knew something was very wrong -- even beyond the evil looking black eyes.
Pinkie had had years of experience repressing her more negative thoughts and emotions to the point where it was as easy as breathing. She highly doubted Twilight had any such experience, and that worried the pink mare.
In fact, Pinkie was almost certain Twilight's often obsessive compulsive personality made her even more susceptible to whatever had overtaken her. From what little she had seen of Twilight in that state, she had noticed traces of the lavender unicorn's more negative traits twisted into a sadistic form.
She didn't like it.
When they all had a chance to finally sit down and talk about what happened, Pinkie promised herself she would talk to Twilight about her condition and maybe together they could work out how to deal with both their issues together.
She would've talked to Fluttershy as well, but it seemed the yellow pegasus and Twilight had already had a heart-to-heart after they had woken up. With a plan in place, Pinkie set her face in a determined smile and trotted the rest of the way to the shop with a bit more bounce in her step.
As long as she had her friends, everything would turn out okay in the end... somehow.
After Twilight's surprisingly brief freakout regarding a potential outbreak befalling Equestria, Rarity had left her two friends to take care of the remaining setup while she dealt with the 'contaminated material'.
Twilight's magic was too weak to cast any kind of spells at the moment, so she gave Rarity a quick rundown of how to cast an Incineration spell. It was rather difficult to understand, but Rarity more or less got the gist of it.
Now she was making her way outside of town where she could rid herself of the bags without making a scene.
As she traveled the snowy path with the heavy bags in tow, her gaze idly drifted towards the setting sun as it lowered itself below the high peaks of the other snowcapped mountains in the area.
It really is a beautiful sight, Rarity thought with a sigh, if it weren't for our unfortunate circumstances, this hamlet would make a nice little vacationing spot.
The white mare frowned slightly.
She felt as though she should be more worried, but ever since Rarity had woken up in that strange facility, she had taken everything surprisingly well.. too well she realized. She told Twilight that she had suffered some anguish of her own during their escape, but in truth that had been a complete lie.
Up to that point she hadn't panicked about her situation even once, at least not beyond what was normal for the six of them whenever they went on an adventure or fought against villains together.
She had initially felt well rested and refreshed upon waking and hadn't run into any kind of trouble until she stumbled into an ambush and was rescued by a confused and panicked Applejack. Yes there had been some fighting and she had gotten her own hooves dirty, but through it all she hadn't even felt an ounce of regret, remorse, or guilt.
The only real regret she had felt was having to admit her dark deeds to Fluttershy. Other than that she felt no worse for her crimes.
On the contrary, the feeling she got when smashing her hooves into those nasty mercenaries had been akin to the satisfaction she received from finishing a particularly spectacular dress.
The feeling wasn't anywhere near what Twilight had described when she had talked about killing that griffon, but still, Rarity had opted to leave out that little tidbit when she and the lavender mare had had their talk. She had seen how drastically these changes had affected her friends, and she couldn't help but wonder...
Why did she herself feel so... normal about the whole thing?
She didn't feel like she had changed in the slightest. She certainly felt bad for how distraught her friends must be about all of this, but she herself felt strangely... disconnected from it all. She obviously knew something had changed because she never would've done the things she did to those ponies and griffons before this mess started...
....or would she?
Rarity stopped in her tracks -- her thoughts completely derailed by that one single question. She suddenly realized she had never given any thought to such a thing before. Not once did she ever even consider the idea of killing a pony before any of this started.
How could she say with absolute certainty that she would never do it?
If asked outright if she would be willing to kill a pony for any reason... what would she say? The obvious answer would be of course not, and she was certain that would've been the answer she gave before.
But now...
Now she was beginning to wonder if she would've truly meant it. What did it mean to feel completely normal in this absolutely abnormal and frankly morbid situation? Was this 'virus' affecting her mind so thoroughly that she didn't even register the change in her psyche, or had she just always been this way and never even realized it until now?
After a moment of silent rumination Rarity scoffed and shook her head.
"Oh come now, Rarity, you're overthinking things," she muttered to herself, "me? Some kind of... of... natural born killer? Such a thing is absurd," she held her head up high with a determined frown, "I am a lady, and as a lady, I would've never committed such a vile act as murder... at least, not before all this..."
She bit her lip uncertainly and gave another quick shake of her head before starting down the snow covered path once more, bags pulled along by her blackened aura.