NOW WITH CANON LUNA!

Chapter One

You grimace as the single crystal shod hoof connects with your face. It was just after five in the evening on the day of the Grand Galloping Gala and trouble had already kicked off. It had began when Princess Celestia had offered her little sister, Luna, a drink to mark the start of the evening’s festivities. Luna, having not drank alcohol since before her banishment, picked up quite a taste for the sweet pink wine and had soon worked her way through the entire stock of it for the gala, fifty bottles littering the floor of the castle’s cellar. For any other being, this would have been a death sentence, however a mere inconvenience for a deity such as Luna or her sister Celestia - both of whom were almost painfully immortal.

When she had been found, the Princess had lost three of her antique crystal shoes, her hair was disheveled and her eyes didn’t entirely focus together. She had almost immediately started trying to flirt with your superior, who had accompanied you to try and get her back into her room without any of the earlier guests noticing, eventually pulling another guard, a pegasus sergeant, in to help after Luna had started becoming even more in-cooperative. Together, the three of you had just about managed to carry the struggling alicorn until she had remembered about her magic; that was when things started getting difficult.

“Plate-Mail, grab the crown, it’s just by your hooves” the armoured earth pony next to you said. Snapping back into reality after the kick had left you seeing stars, you bend over to pick up the blue crystal crown in your mouth, which had fallen and was spinning on the spot as your two companions fought to move the struggling, and now singing, Luna down the corridor approaching her chambers.

“Now Ma’am, please give me my sword back! I need that!” The Captain said again, his voice moving through the amusement he had when the two of you first found her, into the gruff and aggravated voice of law enforcers everywhere when dealing with drunks. Through the mixed mess of guards, and a certain intoxicated royal pony, you can see the sword being swung around drunkenly in the air by Luna’s magic.

“Coooome fly with me, let us fly, letusflyaway! Sing with us, Stallions!” she bellows merrily, waving a hoof in your direction, whilst the captain’s sword bobs along like the cane of a conductor towards an invisible orchestra. The other guard with you and the captain, one of Celestia’s elite pegasus guards, took to his wings, grabbing the sword in his teeth and throwing it down the corridor with a flick of his neck.

“Nicely done.” You hear the captain growl, still pushing at the deep blue mare, who was now singing about going to the moon.

Slowly, you make progress to her royal bed chamber, the pegasus guard flying over the top of the two of you and Luna to throw open the doors.
“ONE DOES NOT WISH TO GO TO BEEEED!” Luna yells, realising where you were headed, “ONE DEMANDS YOU LET US RETURN TO THE PARTY!”

“Ma’am, your sister has told us to put you to bed.” You say, trying to be the voice of reason, “You’re going to be really sick in the morning.”

“You will do as you are told, at once; and if you refuse, then one shall exercise her right to take thee all as our consorts!” She bellows, looking at the three of you in turn, whilst the she tries and fails to seductively lick her midnight-blue lips. She stops struggling, causing you and the captain to fall over, still trying to push at something that wasn’t there anymore. She looks back again and giggles, you hear the captain swearing under his breath as the two of you rise to all four hooves again.

“Celestia above, I thought Blueblood was a pain in the flank.” he mutters, ignoring the Royal's demand.

“Kid, the Cap and I need to get back to the party, we’re not even supposed to be on duty tonight.” the sergeant says, flapping his wings as he lands next to the door.

“BUT WE HAVE NOT SAID YOU THAT THOU MAY LEEEEAVE!?” Luna bawls again, collapsing dramatically on her bed, throwing a drunken tantrum. The sergeant facehoofs and trots out of the room, the Captain pushes you out of the door with him.

“Look, you’re going to have to stay here and watch her. We’re a bit late, guests should start arriving any second now and we’re supposed to be in formal dress for it. You need to stay here. Whatever you do, don’t let her out of the room, or Celestia knows, I’ll have your backside in Duke’s office by sunrise tomorrow.” The Captain growls, intimidating you immensely, “And if that idiot nephew of hers shows up, he’s not to go in. The two of them don’t get on too well and to be honest, I can’t stand him either.”

“Aye, if he talks down to me this time, he’ll be feeling my hoof to the back of his head, I tell you.” The sergeant chimed in, “Nothing worse than an immodest nobleman.”

“I met him, he seemed alright.” You say, immediately receiving a look of utter disgust mixed with slight shock from your superiors. The Captain turns to the sergeant with a ‘go away’ sort of look, to which the sergeant then rolls his eyes and trots off down the corridor. Seeing a slight rage rearing in the Captain’s eyes, you look straight down, sheepishly, “Aye Sir, I won’t let her out.”

The Captain snorts with disdain, before snapping off a salute and cantering after the sergeant.

NOW WITH MOAR LUNA!

Chapter Two

Brushing a bead of nervous sweat from your brow, you take up your post outside the Princess’s room. Down the hallway, you can just about hear the small formal band begin to play as guests arrive, combined with that sounded like gentle sobbing. Twitching slightly, you turn your head, trying to work out where this new sound was coming from; your ears eventually nudge your brain into realising that Princess Luna was obviously crying her eyes out in her room. Unsure what to do, you put your ear against the door to confirm your theory, being able to quite clearly hear the royal mare within.

Panicking slightly at the thought that you and the other two guards had been slightly harsh to her Majesty, you open the door a fraction with your nose, seeing her sat looking out the window at the line of carriages arriving at the Gala below when you poke your helmeted head through the gap. Something about leaving her crying there didn’t feel right; you quietly open the door a bit more, just wide enough to slip inside, your hooves making a quiet clopping sound as they impact the stone floor of Luna’s room. You step onto the rug that she was sitting on, the warmth welcome on the pads of your hooves, stopping a foot away from the crying mare.

“Ma’am, are you alright?” You ask, cautiously. Her head turns, you can see streaks of mascara running down her face, “I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?” you apologise, feeling it obvious that she wasn’t alright at all. She stays silent for a little while, looking out of the window again. You turn to leave, feeling unwanted before she stops you, calmly placing her remaining shod hoof on your armour.

“Please, do not leave.” she asks quietly, tears still streaming down her cheeks, yet still straining to maintain her decorum despite her slightly slurred speech, “Come and sit with us.” she adds, patting a spot on the rug next to her.

“I don’t know if I can Ma’am, the Captain said...”

“The Captain is our servant, and shall do as we command, lest our sister be informed of his insubordination.” Luna replies, slightly sharper than before but still slurred. You sigh, not willing to incur the wrath of Princess Celestia upon your superiors, let alone yourself, “Your Princess has commanded you to sit, and so sit, you shall,” she slurs, still patting the spot on the rug, her crown at an odd angle, hanging from her horn.

A lump forms in your throat as you very cautiously sit down next to the younger Princess. She can see how nervous you are, even through her drunken state, and she raises an eyebrow.

"Tell us, guard, what is your name?"

"Plate Mail, your Highness."

"Good. Now, Plate Mail, tell one your personal opinion of us."

“Princess, I’m very fond of you, you’ve always been kind to me.” you say, watching the gentle sway of the taller pony sat next to you.

“Do you know how long it has been since we last had a consort of worth?”

“I... I don’t know ma’am.”

"A thousand years. Does that seem fair to you?"

"No, ma'am."

"One should like to feel the warmth of a stallion against ones-self. You may embrace us, if you wish."

You think about the options available to you at the moment. You could hug her of course, as it would be the decent thing to do, but you were unsure on the protocol of such contact with the nobility.

Gingerly, you try to inch your foreleg around the shoulders of the still swaying and slightly teary alicorn, feeling her unexpected warmth when she leaned into you, resting her head on your shoulder, the occasional tear trickling between the plates of your enchanted armour.

“One was right, thou art lovely. Thou shalt make a fine consort, once gelded, of course.” Luna says, head still on your shoulder.

Hearing the end of her sentence, you back away a little, or try, considering her foreleg holding you in place.

“Ma’am, that isn't exactly done anymore.”

"Is it not? Forgive us, it has been a very long time."

"May I admit something, your Highness?"

“Certainly, what troubles thee, loyal protector?”

“I’ve never actually done this before, let alone with someone of your...”

“Please, don’t remind us of our sta-.” she replies, interrupting, “Wait, never before?” she adds, giggling a little.

“Aye Ma’am.” you respond, blushing.

“So... thou hath never been kissed?” she giggles again, bringing her unshod forehoof up to your chest. You blush,

“Well, yes I have Ma’am, but it was a long time ago... Before I joined the guard, ma’am. She was an old fr...”

Before you can finish your sentence, the drunken princess presses her lips against yours, removing your helmet with her magic as she pushes into it, forcibly slipping her tongue into your mouth, the taste of alcohol still strong, with a hint of the fruit the wine had been made with. Your eyes widen, realising that this is a HUGE breach of protocol and probably something you could be executed for. She pulls away, registering the look of worry and confusion on your face.

“Ma’am, I...”

“Stop. Thou shalt call me Luna, and we shall just be two ponies enjoying the view tonight, watching the beautiful moon and stars.” the princess says, the slur in her voice noticeably reduced compared to her state thirty minutes ago.

“Yes Ma’a- I mean, Luna.”

You see her look into your eyes; removing your helmet had partly broken the magic affecting your appearance, the colour around them changing from the standard blue to a deep emerald green.

“Thou hath such lovely eyes. What colour is thine coat, normally?”

“White. A bit dull I’m afraid.” You respond, still uneasy about referring to her Majesty in such an informal manner.

“We are sure that thou art very attractive. Who knows, maybe we could make thee our royal bodyguard? Celestia has that... dislike-able captain half the time, something about a jester, back before we came home... We do not see why we couldn’t request thee.”

“I... that would be something I’d like.” You admit honestly, warranting another kiss from Luna, this time on your cheek.

“Thank you for looking after your princess. One hopes that we have not been too much of a bother. It has been... difficult, adjusting to life in modern times, and we just been a little emotional recently. Ours is a lonely station as immortals, fated to live beyond the lives of any lovers.”

You think about her words for a few moments before seizing enough courage to lean in and kiss her, more gently than she had kissed you before, not daring to breach her mouth with your tongue. Pulling back, you see a look of disapproval on Luna’s face;

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, I thought-” you start to apologise before being cut off again,

“We prefer that a suitor or consort use their tongue.” she replies, smiling in the same way you had often seen her older sister, when preparing some sort of scheme for her amusement.

Your lips meet again, this time parted a little further, allowing for you both to explore each others mouths, her tasting the mint leaves you had eaten before your shift, you tasting the sweet fruity drink she had partaken of. The kiss seems to last forever, until you both run out of breath and part, smiling, faces flushed.

“How was that? Alright for thine fourth kiss?” Luna asks, seeming a little more sober than before.

“It was lovely, would you like another?”

Luna smiles, “Maybe later. We should like to watch the stars a little longer with our loyal protector... It is, after all, so lovely and romantic this time of night.” sighing as she puts her head on your shoulder again. You feel a slight shudder beneath you, almost as if something immensely heavy had just fallen to the floor elsewhere in the castle but ignoring it in favour of the mare sat next to you.

“That,” Luna says, smiling and still slightly tipsy, “was probably Celestia’s latest idea on how to make the Gala more entertaining. It is a shame, we have not had chance to experience the very latest entertainment that this era has to offer, as of yet.”

You spend the next hour or so with Luna, pointing out the constellations your mother had taught you as a foal, corrected by the beautiful Princess, who is slightly amused at how bizzarely the names had changed since she had thrown them into the night sky so long ago. After that, you had watched the coaches leaving the gala together, before Luna spoke up once more.

“One imagines that it is getting close to the end of thine shift.”

You nod, not willing to argue with the alicorn who had so easily melted your heart. She kisses you for the last time that night, you enjoying the scent of her mane that had been so close to your nose.

“We promise that we will not disappear anywhere, you do not have to worry about being hauled in front of the Commander; We shall see if we can do something about the Captain as well. Will we see you tomorrow?”

“It’s my day off... We could meet in the gardens if that would be acceptable?” You ask, “They’re ever so lovely this year, the gardener spent forever getting them ready for the Gala.”

“That would be most acceptable indeed.” Luna replies, kissing you on the cheek before ushering you to the door, “Good night, guardspony Plate Mail.”

“Good night, your Majesty.” you reply. You see her grin gently, and you both chuckle slightly as she closes the door behind you.

NOW WITH MOAR LUNA!

Chapter Three

In the morning, you wake to an incredibly upset looking guard captain staring at you in the barracks. Recognising this look, you immediately climb out of your bunk and snap to attention, one foreleg thrown into a precision salute before returning to the ground.

“You. My office. Now.” he says, turning and leaving. You follow him into the cramped workspace just off of the main hall of the royal guard tower. He takes a seat behind the desk before hauling out the main rota for the personal guard for the next month.

“It seems that someone has taken a liking to you.” he says, retrieving a battered pipe from the draw of his desk and filling it with shredded leaves, delicately dropping a match in the top and sucking on it, “Her Majesty, Princess Luna, has requested that from now on, you are part of her... personal bodyguard... I’ve had to reshuffle duties for the other guards because of it. I also understand the two of you are meeting in the gardens later today?”

“Yes Sir, I promised to show her the new arrangements, sir.”

The Captain’s face softens slightly and he raises an eyebrow, the angry look being replaced with what you’re sure was genuine concern.

“The gardens were destroyed last night. There was... an incident. I can however recommend that you try the botanical gardens in the city below; they’re nice this time of year.”

“Uhm... Thank you sir.”

“You know,” the captain said, sucking thoughtfully on the pipe again, golden eyes watching your every move, every twitch as he studied you, “One would say that something going on between a member of the royal protectorate and the very princess he is meant to protect is a bit inappropriate. Something happened between you two last night.”

You open your mouth to explain before he raises a hoof to motion you to be quiet.

“I’m not going to tell anyone. Fortunately for you, Her Majesty is capable of giving me executive orders that not even Sir Duke himself can over-rule. Just be careful with her. Princess Celestia would slaughter anypony who would even consider harming her dear little sister.”

“Sir, may I ask?”

“No. I’ve never been involved with either of them. If you must know, I’ve recently started seeing an old friend. We’ve been working through... a rough patch, letters that didn’t make it causing bitterness whilst we were out of contact, that sort of thing.”

“Oh, I’m sorry sir.”

“Don’t worry about it, kid.” The Captain says, smiling. “We’ll be fine. Now, you should run along, you wouldn’t want to keep your date waiting.”

“Aye, sir.” you reply, saluting the stallion in front of you.

“Also, Plate Mail?”

“Yes, Sir?”

“You have purple lip-stick all over your face. Get it washed off.”

fin.