Today was the day we headed to the Crystal Empire to win them the vote for the Equestrian games. I was gathering all the luggage while Jackie and Lulu said goodbye to our kids. " Now, you three behave for your grandfather and uncle Discord."

" And don't let Discord talk you into something you know you ain't supposed to be doing."

Discord appeared behind Jackie after saying that. " Oh, don't be such a spoil-sport. You know very well I would never do anything to put them in danger." He then slunk over to them and brought them in a hug. " Besides, what kind of trouble would we even get into?"

" The kind that leaves one stranded in the middle of the badlands wearing a Santa Claus suit and having a buzzard pick at your ear." I glared at him as the memory from last week was still fresh in my mind.

" Well, you know it's not my fault that you lost that hand. Also, it was my first time drinking tequila."

" Anyway." Luna decided to use some of her Canterlot voice to stop our argument. " We'll be back sometime tonight." She used her wings to bring them in a hug. " We'll miss you terribly."

" We'll bring you all back something from the Empire." Jackie then joined the hug.

" If we don't wrap this up, the train will leave before we even have a chance to head out the door." I hefted our luggage and held the door open. " Do me a favor, don't burn down the house down while we're gone."

" Yes, daddy!" I smiled their way and left out the door with my Valkyries following. I wonder if there'll be any problems on our journey?

" Noooooooo!!!" When we got to the station, Pinkie was acting like it was the end of the world.

" Um, Pinkie. What's with the hysterics?"

" What? I was just answering Twilight's question regarding whether or not to let the games inspector down." She said in her usual nonchalant manner thinking that it was normal. And it is.

" Oh, okay." I looked around the station for my scaled pupil but couldn't find him. " Hey, where's Spike? He should be here as well."

" He's back at the library doing a little pet-sitting while we're away." She sounded a bit irritated but I didn't ask why. " Anyway, you three ready for the trip?"

" Indeed we are Twilight. I can not tell you how long I have waited to see that wondrous place again."

" Speak for yourself Lass. That place can kiss the deepest and darkest part of my ass, wherever it is." Mimir was none too happy about going to the place where he had been imprisoned for so many centuries.

" I kept telling you, Mimir, that you could have stayed at home."

" You mean left alone with those three terrors? I'd rather be between Fenrir's teeth." Guess he never got over them using his head as a soccer ball.

Before we could hear more from Mimir, a letter appeared in front of Luna. " Hmm, a letter from Celestia. Wonder what she wants?" My darling Moonpie read through the letter and as she got to the end, She let out an irritated huff. " It would seem that our dear sister has forgotten to inform me of a meeting between Equestria and the ambassadors of Neighpan. So it seems that I will have to attend and miss helping you all with the games inspector."

" Oh, dear. Are you sure that you're needed? I'm certain that Princess Celestia is more than capable of meeting with the ambassadors on her own." Rarity made a good point. Why does she need to be there?

" I would leave it to her. But they insisted on me being there as well. Something to do about tradition or something along those lines."

I brought her into a hug and kissed her cheek. " I know how much you want to see the Empire again. But, sometimes, duty calls and we're forced to answer that call." This did little to lift her spirit. " Tell you what, next week you, the kids, and I will go up to the Empire with no strings attached. Just see the sights and sounds, and have an overall good time."

A big smile appeared on her face. " That would be most wonderful dear." She kissed Jackie and me before flying off to Canterlot.

" Oh, I'm sorry that Luna can't come with us."

" It's alright Shy. We'll just have to make do with who we got." Way to lighten the mood Dash.

" All aboard!" We heard the conductor yell out.

" Well, it looks like they're playing our song." I placed the luggage in the luggage cart and went to my wife and friends. " Let's get going." We boarded the train and left for the Empire.

After three hours of watching Jackie and our friends do a cheerleading routine, we made it to the Crystal Empire. I got up from my seat and picked Jackie off the floor. " And this is why you should remain in your seat when the train is coming to a halt."

She gave me a smirk before punching my arm. " Just get our bags before you lose your chance at any of this tonight." She started to leave the train with the others while flicking her tail to the side. By the gods the things I'm going to do to that mare when we get home.

I grabbed our bags and departed the train. When I looked toward the Empire, I had to avert my eyes from the glare it gave off. " By the gods, what it this the emerald city?"

" Hehehe, silly, there are no emeralds here, just crystals. Like the name suggests."

" Pinkie, I was referring to a fictional city from a book called ' The Wizard of Oz'." Crap, I said a new book title in front of Twilight.

" Gimmie that book!" Twilight latched onto my chest and tried to shake me down for a book I didn't have on me.

" Twilight, if you don't let me go, I'll be forced to return both your birthday and Hearthswarming gifts to the bookstore back on Midgard." This got her to let me go in an instant. " Now, where are we supposed to be meeting Cadence?"

Twilight composed herself after going off the rails like that. " She said to meet her at the spa over on Geode street." Great, more puns.

We walked down the crystal streets where we saw many of the citizens, cleaning and polishing the buildings to a clear shine. As we passed them, many of them would stop what they were doing and pointed my way. " Look! It's the slayer of Sombra!" A random mare called out in the crowd. Suddenly, I was surrounded by Crystal ponies asking me all sorts of questions, I think a few of them even asked for a date.

" People, please! Look, I know how it must feel to see someone you idolize walk down the street. But I have somewhere to be to help you all win the vote from the Inspector." This seemed to stop their hounding for now and they went back to what they were doing before. " Geez, you'd think there was a giant statue of me or something."

" ( Gasp!) There is darling, look!" Rarity pointed towards the castle where a statue made of carved crystal stood at the bottom.

We went to the statue to see exactly what it depicted. Just as Rarity had said, it was a statue of me but was also of Spike. The statue depicted me standing tall with Spike on my shoulder and my wings spread wide. Spike had the Crystal Heart held in his claws while I held Frostbite above my head. In my other hand, I held the head of Sombra, which they made out of ebony. And finally, sitting by my legs was a massive wolf, gazing down at us. As the girls admired the statue, all I could say was this. " I look like Perseus in Clash of the Titans."

" It really is a nice statue, though a bit gruesome in certain places." I think she meant the head I was holding. " But my Spikey does look good."

" Come on! Enough sightseeing, we need to get to the Princess!"

" Calm down Dash. We have at least a few hours before the inspector arrives. Besides, I think I see the spa over there." I pointed over to a building with a blue roof and pink hearts dotting the roof. When we entered the building, I could see Cadence being worked on by a couple of spa employees. " Is this truly any way to greet your Aunt and Uncle? By getting your hair done when it was already perfect."

Cadence jumped at my voice. " Joe! Applejack! Twilight!" She jumped off her chair and did her greeting dance with Twilight. Once that was done, she came up to me and Jackie. " Joe, Applejack. It's good to see you again." She embraced us in a hug. " Where's Aunt Luna? I thought she was coming with you?"

" When we were about to depart for the train, a letter from Celestia was sent to her, telling her to meet with the ambassadors of Neighpan. She was upset that she couldn't come, but such is the burden of the crown."

" I know that burden all too well."

" Though I did promise to bring her and the kids up here for a visit." That brought a smile to her face. While we talked, a messenger arrived for her.

" Princess, I have two important messages. The first is that your mane stylist has the flu, and will be unable to style your mane for fear you would get sick as well."

" Oh dear, that is unfortunate. Does anyone here know how to do the ceremonial headdress?" All the employees shook their heads ' No'.

" Pardon my asking, but what is the ceremonial headdress?" Rarity looked ready to faint.

" Well, when the Empire was at the height of its power. The queen would wear crystals that were braided into her mane in a very specific way. Since the inspector is known for doing her homework, I thought it would be appropriate to have the same done to mine. But since the stylist is sick, I guess we'll have to make do with what we have."

" Wait! We can't overlook this, you need to have your mane done up with those crystals!"

" Garsh Dash, I had no idea you cared so much about fashion." Good one babe.

" You know, if you have the instructions on the headdress, I think I can do your mane." Way to step up Rares. Cadence floated a scroll with the instruction and when it was unrolled, it had more steps than the tango.

" Are you sure you can handle this Rarity."

" You kidding? When it comes to this sort of thing, there's no one better than Rarity." Rarity blushed a little at my complement. Suddenly, I remembered there was another message. " Hey, what was the other message?"

" Oh, right. The games inspector, Ms. Harshwhinny, will be arriving on the next train." The whole room gasped at the news that we had less than an hour to prepare.

I grabbed the messenger by the collar and started shaking her. " Next time, lead with the information that affects all of those present."

Jackie wrapped her hooves around my arm and pulled me away from the messenger. " Darling, throttling the messenger ain't gonna help us any. We need to come up with a plan."

" I've got one. Joe, you go find Shining and tell him the situation."

I gave off a salute. " With haste."

" Rarity, you stay here and makeup Cadence's hair."

" Will do darling." She looked at the scroll and got to work.

" The rest of us will meet the inspector at the station. Joe, meet us at the station when you're done."

" Will do. Where is Shining anyway?"

" He should be at the stadium, training the athletes for the games."

" Then I'm off to the stadium." I gave a kiss to Jackie and waved to the others as I flew out of the building. Seeing as I had no idea where the stadium was, I flew up high and searched for the stadium. When I spotted it on the other side of the empire, I made it there in two minutes. When I landed, I spotted Shining giving orders to the athletes running the track. " You know, if you want them to move faster, you could just use a riding crop."

Shining turned at the sound of my voice. " Joe!" He ran over and we fist-bumped. " It's good to see you again buddy."

" Likewise." I looked around and saw that the place was in pretty good shape. " Seems you got everything ready for the inspector. By the way, the inspector will be on the next train."

" What!?"

" Relax, Twilight has a plan to deal with her. Speaking of, I need to get going." I waved to him and the other athletes before taking off for the station. When I got there, the only one there was a mare looking very impatient. Judging from her clothing and trophy Cutiemark, I'd say she's Ms. Harshwhinny.

When I landed, she jumped a little bit. " Sorry if I startled you. You wouldn't happen to be the games inspector, would you?"

She recovered from my landing and composed herself. " Yes, I'm Ms. Harshwhinny." She gave me a once over. " You're Joe, king of Herot."

" Last time I checked." I looked around the station for any sign of Jackie or our friends. " Well, seeing as the rest of the welcoming committee is running late, I guess it's up to me." I Grabbed her bag a motioned her to follow me. " First, I'll show you to your stateroom at the castle. Then, we'll check out the local hotspots of the Empire. And finally, we'll head on over to the stadium."

" That sounds good to Aah!"

" What!?" She pointed toward my belt where Mimir hung from. " Oh, no need to be frightened," I grabbed him off my belt and brought him close." this is Mimir, wisest of the Aesir."

" A pleasure to meet you." She recoiled a bit from his greeting. " I know, I haven't had a chance to get my beard trimmed, I must look a mess."

Seems his joke lightened the mood. " Good save buddy, now let's get going."

We dropped her bag off in her room and decided to roam the halls. " Over there is the throne room. There's a secret chamber leading down into a dark room where I found this knuckle-head."

" Fascinating, but what about the other rooms?"

" Well, I can only assume they hold either random crap or are just extra rooms for guests. But enough about the castle, let's head into town for some lunch." We headed out of the castle and wandered the streets for some grub. While we kept walking, one building caught my eye. " Hey, a karaoke bar." The building was made of blue crystal and had a sign of a martini glass with a microphone in it.

" Sounds good to me. Hope they have someone who knows how to sing." We went inside to find hardly anyone in there. When I looked at the clock, I could see why." It would seem we got here during the dead hours."

" All that means is there's no wait for a table." We were led to a small table by the hostess and were given menus. As I looked through the drinks, I couldn't help but notice the karaoke machine was currently vacant. " Excuse me, I'll be right back."

" Where are you going?"

" I'm going to liven this place up." I got up on the small stage and plugged my phone into the machine. I scrolled through the music and stopped on a song that would fit this place greatly. " Alright, here we go." I pressed play and started to sing Tightrope.

https://youtu.be/EJY8FwPnhVI

While I was singing, the place started filling up with ponies from outside who heard me singing. During the solo's I would play air guitar which the crowd seemed to like. When the song ended, I wiped the sweat off my brow and gave a low bow. " Thank you, thank you." I looked at my watch and saw we still had time to kill. " Alright, I think I have one more song left in me if you all feel like hearing it?" The crowd gave applause saying hell yeah. " Well, here we go then." I scrolled through my phone again and stopped on Man in the box, by Alice in Chains.

https://youtu.be/46zC6iR2wsg

As I was singing, the place became even more crowded, seems my voice is a beacon for restaurants. When it came to the parts of the song that needed another voice, I held Mimir up to the microphone. He did a pretty good job. When we were finished, the roar of applause was almost deafening. After I gave my bow, I journeyed back to the table I left Harshwhinny at. " Sorry for my small absence, but I can't help it sometimes."

" It's quite alright, your highness. I know that feeling from time to time." Hard to tell with the way she holds herself.

" I can almost see that, and do me a favor, just call me Joe."

" Very well." She got up from the table and headed for the door. When I looked back at the table, I saw that she had already eaten while I was singing. " I think we should head to the stadium now."

" Sounds good to me." I left the hostess a small bag of bits and left with my charge over to the stadium. As we made our way to the stadium, I noticed that the spa was on our way. " Pardon me, but I need to pop in here for a moment." I left Harshwhinny by the front door and went inside. " Hey, Rarity, you still working on Cadence's hair?"

" Joe!" She pulled a privacy screen in front of Cadence and came over to me. " Joe, why aren't you with the others greeting the inspector?"

" What are you talking about? I've been showing the inspector around for the past hour. I've been wondering where they went to." Rarity's angry look turned to one of horror. " What?"

" I don't know how to tell you this, but I believe the girls are escorting the wrong pony, thinking she's the inspector."

I had a far off look before I busted out laughing. " How in all the realms did they get the wrong pony? Wait, Dash, if she was the one to lead them on, then that explains everything." I looked over to the privacy screen where Cadence was still behind. " So what's up with Cadence? You need more time or should I let the inspector meet her?"

" Absolutely not!" She stopped herself before making more of a spectacle. " I mean, she needs a little more time. I may have tried to skip a step or two, and it turned out to be a disaster."

" Oh come on, how bad can it be?" I went past her and took a peek behind the curtain. What I saw made me recoil in horror. " By the horrors of Helheim! What madness conjured a beast so foul!" I ran out of the spa, rubbing my face in the street, doing my best to unsee the atrocity that is Cadence's hair.

Harshwhinny ran up to my side. " What happened? Is there a monster around here?"

I recovered quickly from my act. " Despite my reaction, I was making a joke with a friend of mine. Sorry if it gave you the wrong idea."

Her worried look became one of annoyance. " I would think that a member of royalty would act more professional."

" You'd think so, but no." I got up from the ground and pointed over to where the stadium is. " Come on, the stadium is just a few blocks that way." We started heading in that direction while making small talk on the way over. Within moments, we arrived. " -and that's how I saved my brother-in-law from a nasty love poison. Oh, look, we're here." I was about to lead her inside when all of a sudden, one of the side entrances burst open. The pony that broke the door had a pot on her head and crashed into me.

With the pot off her head, she looked up at me and gasped. " Oh, my word."

I let out a light chuckle before helping her up. " Everything alright mam?"

It took her a moment, but she regained her senses. " Yes, I'm alright. You just gave me a bit of a fright. Um, do pardon me for asking, but are you, king Joe?"

" I am. And who might you be?"

" Oh, where are have my manners fun off to. My name is Peachbottom. I came here to enjoy a little vacation and have been loving it so far." She then set me with some sultry eyes. " And I never would have guessed that my little tour would have me run into you."

" Yeah, quite literally at that too. You said you were being given a tour, would one of the ponies giving said tour be wearing a stetson?" I think I found our mismatched inspector.

" As a matter of fact, there was. Pretty little country pony like me, do you by chance know her?"

" We crossed paths from time to time." I looked inside the stadium to see her and our friends running towards us. " Speaking of, there she is." Jackie stopped in front of me and was about to say something, but I stopped her with a kiss. " Hey, beautiful. How's your day been?"

" Joe, where have you been!? The girls and I have had to show the games inspector around for the last two hours. What were you doing?"

" The exact same thing, except with the real inspector." I pointed over to Harshwhinny, who had a small smile watching everything unfold. " Honey, this is Ms. Harshwhinny, the inspector for the Equestria Games. Ms. Harshwhinny, Ms. Peachbottom, this is my wife, Applejack." they shared a quick greeting before the rest of our friends came running out. " Hello, girls, you'll never guess who I bumped into."

After getting everyone else on board with the real inspector, we got the vote and were about to tell the empire. Cadence stood at the balcony with her hair done up in gems and told everyone the good news. And the winner to host the Equestria Games is, the Crystal Empire!" This got everyone down below to cheer and go wild.

" This calls for a celebration." I conjured some magic and let lose some celebratory music.

https://youtu.be/SMRYLVTUswU

While the crystal ponies celebrated down below, I went over to Ms. Harshwhinny. " It was a real pleasure showing you around the Empire. Maybe one day, we'll meet again."

" Likewise." I shook her hoof and went over to my wife.

" Did, you have a nice time with your inspector?" She gave me a quick slug on my arm for my smart-ass remark. " Okay, I'm sorry. But at least we got the Empire the vote."

" Yeah, you did." She then smiled and nuzzled my chest. " Come on, I'd like to get home to Luna and the kids." I agreed with her deeply and started my way down with her to the station.

Author's Notes:

Okay, a little twist on the original but that's to be expected. Not sure why I choose a karaoke bar, but someone might like it. Also, if there's anyone who really paid attention to the statue description, I would love it if they drew it, just to see what you see.

Anyway, on to the next adventure, which also takes place in the Empire. Why? Because Joe promised his sweet Moonpie that he would take her.

Alright, here's your stupid clip.

https://youtu.be/pqQcIDW88ac

https://youtu.be/-wINinKkMdg